SimplySxy

Tag: Sex Education

  • Can You Feel The Heat?

    Can You Feel The Heat?

    Matt-at-Lotus on Burning Up in the Bedroom …

    … or wherever you prefer to do it. Last week, I was massaging a client which is not unusual for a sexual masseur. He was face down, naked, skin glistening from the sunlight reflected in the massage oil. I work differently from most massage therapists in that I not only offer a sexual massage but also sexual services along with it. I pride myself on being as honest as I can and see no benefit in pretending to be doing anything other than sex, such as calling it ‘Tantric Massage’ (there’s no such thing) or ‘Relaxation Massage’ (AKA ‘Massage and a hand job’). The thing is that if you, the client, don’t really know if the massage is sexual, how can you truly relax? If the practitioner doesn’t quite know whether you are ‘up for it’, how can they truly relax? It all creates a pretty cold, confused and nervous atmosphere if you ask me. My advice is to be honest, lay your cards on the table and release those inhibitions with a practitioner (which can also be your partner, stick with me and all shall be revealed …) who is equally honest with you: “This is a sexual massage, you will probably climax and you are welcome to touch me, depending on how comfortable you feel. I am happy to discuss whatever you need”.

    Now aren’t you already feeling more relaxed? Can’t you now feel that tingle down your spine and that quivering of your bottom lip that says: ‘Chill out, you’re in safe hands and those hands know exactly what they’re doing’. Horny huh? Yeah, I think so too.

    And There’s More

    How can this help you in bed? How can this connection—between me and my clients—assist you in reaching that point of no return with your next shag? It’s easy; I deliberately make a connection with my clients to intentionally turn up the sexual heat. I do this because I can and I do this because that is what the client is paying for. It’s in my job description. Want to know how to do it? Then we shall begin …

    Honesty, as I have said, is key. Tell yourself how you feel. Yes; yourself. This is how all relationships (and remember ‘relationships’ can be for one night only) start. When you get to know yourself, you can then easily share that knowledge with your partner/s. If you have no fucking clue who you are, how the hell is anyone else going to know? It stands to reason that it is only when we know ourselves that we can then teach others to know themselves. Now here is where something kinda magical happens. For example, whenever I touch most clients (and lovers for that matter) they will physically feel a heat. This is partly because I am a healer and partly because I know where to touch. It is mainly… drum roll please … because I know who I am. Does that sound odd? Allow me to elaborate.

    Once upon a training in psychotherapy, I remember the tutor explaining what one of the founders of therapy noted during therapy sessions. It went something like this: ‘It’s almost as if an unseen part of the patient reaches out and an unseen part of me reaches back, like a meeting of souls rather than minds’. I am paraphrasing here because I can’t be arsed to reference it but more so because this description explains perfectly what happens in good sex. We connect with an invisible aspect of our lovers that goes far beyond the physical. This cannot happen if we haven’t at least taken that first step in connecting with ourselves. Do you follow? No? Okay, let me put it another way.

    Make love to yourself first. Try masturbating very, very, slowly. Do not just concentrate on your dick (or clit if you are a lady). Explore your lips, nipples, eyebrows, ears, armpits, inside the elbows. Take. Your. Time.

    I tell you this right now—do this, slowly, very very slowly and you will feel the heat. You will notice tingles, heat, throbbing in the perineum (the bit between your arse and balls or for females the soft area around half an inch from your arse, the area you would tense when doing pelvic floor exercises), the base of your spine and more. Now, go and share this with someone. Again, very very slowly. Take. Your. Time.

    Oh, and all this I am teaching you now, I showed the client I mentioned earlier, as he lay there face down on the massage table, I showed him how to turn the heat up and do you know what he said?

    “I c..c..an’t speak. I … I … That was. Just, that…” followed by: “Wow”’.

    “You’re welcome” I responded.

    Now go turn the heat up. You’ll be glad you did.

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  • Sex Positivity Movement- Being Optimistic in the Real Sense

    Sex Positivity Movement- Being Optimistic in the Real Sense

    With all of the blogs, websites, YouTube pages and Tumblrs out there, it wouldn’t take long for someone to come across any page dedicated to sexuality and promotions of sex positivity. Thanks to the beautiful thing called the internet almost anyone can join in on these discussions about sexuality and attempt to promote sex positive messages. But what is sex positivity? Is there sex negativity?

    Let’s start with a simple lesson on when the sex positive movement was initiated. The sex positive movement is a social, cultural and political movement that started (depending on who you talk to) in the 1960s around the “free love” movement. Sex positivity, back then and today is focused on pushing back on the “traditional” or “conservative” views of sexuality, in all of its expressions, as “bad” or “wrong.” So technically there is a social negativity movement which basically shames anything other than heterosexual sex for procreative purposes.

    So what is sex positivity??? The sex positivity movement in short aims to promote safe, informed, consensual sex for all expressions of sexuality. The movement also promotes embracing one’s sexual orientation, gender identity, and gender expression. So if you are a male bodied individual who likes to wear women’s clothing while being tied up and tickled with a feather tickler by your female-bodied partner in order to get off, the sex positivity movement says that that is okay and how you have fun sexually should not be considered better or less than how others have fun sexually.

    This way of looking at gender and sexuality attempts to show that sexuality can be a hugely positive piece of an individual’s life and identity and does not have to feel shameful or wrong. So long as we are educated and informed about the sex we are having and are practicing it safely, providing that it is consensual. Individuals and sex positive organizations are promoting these ideas largely though sex education which aims to teach and empower individuals about the kind of sex they are having or want to have. Learning information about how not to get pregnant or impregnate a partner, what toys to use with your partner, how to talk about consent, how to partake in anal play safely, can be important to know about before partaking sexual play. Knowledge is sexy after all.

    Despite all the sexual diversity promoting and sexual acceptance the sex positivity movement has to offer, it is important to have a critique of sex positivity as well. The sex positive movement has been criticized for being a largely white, able-bodied, cisgender, middle/upper class movement that sometimes has trouble hearing the stories of trans individuals, people of color, those who have a disability, or those who are asexual and may not participate in sexual acts but still have a sexuality. It is important to keep in mind that carrying the label of a sex positive individual has a lot of responsibility and the label alone is not enough to make one sex positive. All of us sex positive people should work hard to not glamorize the kind of sex we have, while ignoring or shaming the kind of sex others have, and should continuously make room for the groups of people (like trans people of color) who may not feel that the sex positive movement includes them. We all should be able to feel great about the kind of sex we’re having and the sex positivity movement could help get us there.

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  • Let’s Talk About Sex!

    Let’s Talk About Sex!

    Suppose we did not have a head that is wired in a complicated manner. Maybe having sex would become more animal-like: totally natural, following a deeper underlying pattern, usually without problems. Suddenly, you see the fabulous tail of a male peacock or the irresistible sent of a female cat tickles your nostrils. It’s the right time of the year. You’re a mature animal. There are no rivals close by. Automatically, your level of arousal starts to rise. You do what you simply have to do: You approach your sexual partner directly, gracefully or carefully, depending on your species. Then you perform the right sexual actions.

    Copulation is a fact (after Jacques van Lankveld, Dutch psychotherapist & clinical sexologist).

    But for us human beings, sex doesn’t work that way, or does it?

    No. Apart from acting sexually (having sex in infinitely different ways and styles) and feeling sexually (experiencing sexual desire and sexual arousal) we tend to think about sex. We think about our actions. “Will he like it when I do this?” “Does she want me to do this?” “Will it turn him on or—god forbids—off?” We think about our feelings. “OK, he wants to have sex, that’s pretty clear, but do I really want to?” “I’ve been desiring her all day and now here she is but I’m exhausted from work …” And, worst of all, we think about our thoughts. “What would she think if she knew that my thoughts are on the football match later that evening while we were getting busy?” “What would he think if he knew I was wondering about that mysterious colleague who works in the accounting department?”

    Sex isn’t just a physical act combining two bodies in various ways. Sex is always much more than that, especially when we do our best to convince ourselves that it’s nothing more than just combining hands, lips, tongues, penis(es), vagina(s) … The bulk of people experiencing sexual problems and seeking professional don’t have purely physical difficulties in having sex. The origin of all sorts of problems are not only pertaining to sexual desire (difference in the desired sexual act or style; difference in the level of sexual desire … ) with sexual arousal and orgasm (difficulties getting or maintaining your erection/getting wet; either being unable to reach orgasm or just with a specific partner or in a specific situation; reaching orgasm much sooner then you feel comfortable about …), but also with one experiencing pain during sex or being unable to achieve penetration (with the penis or simply with a finger). This is most often, a combination of both physical, psychological and social factors. And every sexual problem will have an undesired impact on your self-image and self-confidence and/or—for those of us lucky to have partners—on your relationship.

    So why worry about all this if you’re just a fun loving sort of person who enjoys his own sexuality? The answer is simple: Don’t!

    Don’t worry. As long as you find yourself feeling good about the sex you have, not having a care in the world and enjoying it! Just know that when you have sex, there is more than the possibility of STD’s and HIV to think about. As for the other stuff, a condom won’t do you any good.

    Think about your own self image and your self confidence. Think about what you emotionally experience having sex. These elements are vital to have and to keep having sex in a way you can enjoy freely. So, just from time to time, ask yourself these two simple questions:

    When I have sex, do I feel like it & do I enjoy it?

    As long as you find yourself answering with a enthusiastic ‘YES!’ on both accounts, you should take the chance to experience your sexuality freely. If you find yourself doubting your answer; if you find yourself experiencing disturbing or negative thoughts or feelings while having sex, talk to someone about it. Talk to your partner, your best friend, your doctor, a therapist or a sexologist. The bottom line is that it is important to talk to someone about it! Don’t brush those negative thoughts under the carpet for they tend to come back with a vengeance—undesired consequences on your sex life.

    All most of us want is to live long, be happy and have a pleasant personal [and for some of us professional] sexual experience every now and then. So think about your sexual thoughts and feelings. For thoughts and emotions, apart from our bodies, are the true reasons why sex can be so enjoyable!

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  • How might Truvada change gay men’s sex practices?

    How might Truvada change gay men’s sex practices?

    Ever since the FDA approved the preventative use of Truvada in 2012, HIV experts started worrying about the possible resurgence of an unpleasant trend among gay men in the United States: the abandonment of condom use and safe sex awareness.  For many gay men in the United States, Truvada is a panacea that gives them the green light to enjoy the long-lost intimacy and pleasure derived from unprotected sex. However, for HIV advocates and researchers, the emergence of Truvada is directly challenging the safe sex practice that they have established through decades of campaigning. The clash between Truvada and condom use is inevitable, but what they are really concern about, is the perpetual erosion of safe sex awareness among gay men.

    While Truvada claims a 96 to 99 percent’s HIV prevention rate for healthy individuals who take the antiretroviral drug regularly, many gay men often misuse it as a short-term prevention before embarking a sexual adventure. The growing prevalence of Truvada has divided society into two rivaling camps: pro-PrEP and anti-PrEP. Those supporting it emphasize its function as an extra layer of safety net that can either strengthen the effectiveness of condom use or simply have better effect than the “traditional” safe sex practice. As for those opposing it, the drug not only has harmful side effects even on healthy individuals, but is also often abused by many who thought they have become immune to the HIV virus after taking Truvada for only a few times. This pretty much explains why Truvada remains controversial even among health professionals.

    I have been confronted by questions asking me whether Truvada will change the landscape of sex practices among gay men and even until today, I still can’t come up with a convincing answer. Personally, I think the drug comes into the picture at a time when we are witnessing a shift in the public’s attitude and view toward HIV and AIDS. We are becoming more open-minded and less judgmental toward people living with the virus, thanks to advocates and experts who are determined to brush aside the phobia surrounding it previously. I do believe that Truvada, if used properly, can strengthen the ever-improving effort to combat HIV. But before that really happens, we need to first work on blending it into the existing “healthy” sex practices. Its emergence is never meant to destroy the well-established norm of condom use and safe sex awareness. However, many of our peers overlook Truvada’s preventative ability and abuse the “convenience” that is promised by the drug. What they don’t know is their negligence to the drugs correct usage does nothing to contain the virus. Instead, they might help to create a new type of “superbug” that can be resistant to Truvada.

    For now, all of us simply need to remember that Truvada is effective only for healthy individuals who take it regularly and even when you are a regular prescriber, it never means that unprotected sex with numerous strangers is acceptable. Condom use and safe sex awareness will remain the cornerstone of our combat against HIV. In addition, since Truvada remains pricey for the general public, the use of condom should continue to be the more affordable option for all of us. Ultimately, Truvada’s emergence should be the add-on benefit for our sex practices, not a threat of any kind.

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  • Safe Sex and STIs

    Safe Sex and STIs

    [slickquiz id=1]

    I had unsafe sex and now it burns when I pee …

    Well, this actually means you’re one of the lucky few, you’ve caught an STI (not the lucky part) and you know about it (that’s the lucky part, you can get it treated ASAP). Most STIs (sexually transmissible diseases) and BBV’s (blood borne viruses) are asymptomatic, which means you could have something very nasty and not even know about it; you could be going on your merry way spreading a disease and have no idea. Untreated STIs can have serious consequences such as pelvic inflammatory disease in women which can lead to infertility and there is evidence that certain STIs could be linked to an increased risk of prostate cancer in men. Also, the longer you have an infection, the higher the likelihood that you can pass it on to others. It’s all quite a nasty state of affairs …

    Now have a good think, when was the last time you had an STI screening? Now, be honest! A few months ago, a year, longer, maybe never? To some extent, STI screening depends on your individual risk factors, higher risk categories are people under 25, men who have sex with men, aboriginal people, sex workers, prison inmates and victims of sexual assault. If you are having regular casual sexual relationships, it’s recommended to be tested once a year and before entering a new relationship as a general guideline. You can be quickly and easily tested by your GP or you can go to your local sexual health clinic. The test is generally urine and blood sampling and possibly a vaginal swab in females; the standard tests are for chlamydia, gonorrhoea, syphilis, Hepatitis B and HIV. If there are symptoms present such as lesions, discharge, pelvic pain, pain on urination or when having sex then there may be a possibility the doctor will do more comprehensive tests for infections such as herpes, HPV and others.

    Below are some info on the most common STIs …

    Chlamydia

    Chlamydia is one of the most common infections that mainly infect the penis, vagina and anus. Transmitted by vaginal or anal sex. Treatment is with antibiotics. Most people who have Chlamydia usually do not have symptoms so they do not know they have it.

    Gonorrhoea

    Gonorrhoea is a bacteria that infects the penis, vagina, anus and throat, transmitted by vaginal or anal sex. You can have gonorrhoea without knowing it as not everyone gets symptoms. The most common symptom is a discharge from the penis, vagina or anus. Treatment is with antibiotics.

    Genital Warts also known as HPV (human papilloma virus)

    The wart virus, which has many different strains, is transmitted by skin to skin contact during genital sex and can lead to cervical cancer in women. There has been an introduction of a vaccine against the main strains of HPV but this does not provide 100% protection. There is no treatment available once the virus is contracted.

    Syphilis

    Syphilis is a bacterial infection transmitted during sexual contact by coming into contact with contagious lesions. Symptoms can include an ulcer like sore or rash. Treatment is with antibiotics but it’s important to treat syphilis during the early stages to avoid serious complications and even death as the disease progresses.

    Hepatitis A (HAV)

    Hepatitis A is an acute (short term) viral infection that affects the liver. There is no treatment as the disease will naturally clear with rest and time. There is a vaccine that can protect you from contracting hepatitis A. Hepatitis A may be spread sexually if there is anal contact with a person who has this infection.

    Hepatitis B (HBV)

    Hepatitis B is a viral infection that results in inflammation of the liver. There is a vaccine available to protect against contraction of HBV. Acute Hepatitis B usually clears spontaneously but chronic HBV requires antiviral and interferon treatment. It can be passed on by unprotected vaginal or anal sex, by sharing drug injecting equipment or during unsterile tattooing or body piercing.

    Hepatitis C (HCV)

    Hepatitis C is a viral infection that affects the liver often leading to cirrhosis or cancer. It is spread by blood to blood contact. The risk of transmission during sex is very unlikely unless blood is present. Treatment is through a combination of Interferon which stops replication of the virus and enhances the body’s immune response, and Ribavirin which is an anti-viral.

    Herpes

    Genital herpes is caused by a virus which is transmitted by skin to skin contact during genital or oral sex. The virus may cause blisters or sores on the skin but some people don’t get any symptoms. There is no cure for genital herpes but treatment is available to lessen the severity of outbreaks.

    Human Immunodeficiency Virus (HIV)

    HIV is a viral infection that breaks down the body’s natural defences against infections by weakening the immune system. It can lead to fatal Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome (AIDS). There is no cure for HIV/AIDs. HIV is in the blood, vaginal secretions and semen of a person with the virus and is passed on by vaginal or anal sex without a condom or by sharing drug injecting equipment.

    If you are tested positive for an STI, there are is likelihood the infection is quite easily treatable with antibiotics. For more serious infections, the doctor may do a specialist referral and for infections such as HIV, there is a strong focus on counseling and support. When a positive diagnosis is made, the principle of ‘contact tracing’ is vital, this is the process of identifying partners that the infected person has had sexual contact with so that they can be informed they may have been exposed and given appropriate testing, counseling and treatment. All aspects of contact tracing are kept confidential, including written and database records, none of the patients details are given at any time so your privacy is assured. Contact tracing is a highly effective way to ensure that people who may have been infected are informed as soon as possible in a confidential manner. Sure as hell beats calling all the people you’ve slept with to tell them the news!

    After diagnosis and treatment, it’s important to remain abstinent from sexual activity until you are re-tested and deliver clear results. Yes, you can have protected sex but it’s not worth the risk so just waiting that short amount of time is far better. STIs can have a huge physical, psychological and social effect on a person so if you are concerned, there is plenty of counseling available that can be accessed through sexual health services.

    Now safe sex isn’t just about wearing a condom, it’s about practicing correct technique and considering all modes of transmission. The only real safe sex is complete abstinence or a committed, monogamous relationship. These options are not always desirable or applicable so your next best bet is prophylactics such as condoms. To apply a condom correctly, first of all check the expiry date and don’t use condoms that have been exposed to heat (glove boxes, pockets etc.). After opening the packet, squeeze the air from the tip of the condom and gently roll it down the shaft of the penis right to the base, taking care of sharp nails. Use sufficient water based lubricant to prevent friction and the possibility of breakage or micro tears. After intercourse, hold the base of the condom whilst withdrawing and dispose of it in a bin.

    Oral sex is also a mode of transmission for STIs and it’s something that a lot of people don’t actually consider. Yes, the risks are lower but there is still a risk so it’s highly advisable to use condoms and dental dams when having oral sex. To practice ultimate protection, it’s best to have 3 condoms available (for vaginal, anal and oral sex), water based lubricant and a dental dam. In the rare circumstance when the condom breaks, schedule for an STI screening straight away and for females who aren’t on oral contraception, the morning after pill is available from pharmacies or your GP and you have a 72 hour window period in which to get it.

    Sexual health is just as important as your general physical health and mental health. You don’t want to put yourself at risk so take the right precautions, follow correct safe sex technique, keep up with routine STI screening and if in any doubt, your local sexual health clinic will be able to assist you.

    Play safe

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  • The “Hard” truth about Erectile Dysfunction | Part 2

    The “Hard” truth about Erectile Dysfunction | Part 2

    Although there are many various types of sexual dysfunctions, one of them is considered especially significant: erectile dysfunction, caused by an inhibition in the sexual excitement phase during the male’s sexual response. It is defined as a permanent, occasional or recurring inability to develop or maintain an erection required for one to successfully engage in sexual activities and complete sexual intercourse.

    Apart from the first instance of the 85-year-old man who abstained from sex for 3 years following his wife’s death, I once had another client with erectile problems. He came to see me some time after his divorce, which was caused, among other things, by his passive role in marriage and pathological jealousy. His then-wife ended up cheating on him (a self-fulfilling prophecy), which he had a hard time getting over. Despite feeling angry and bitter, he would not accept a more rational understanding of love and sex. He remained a victim of his immature thinking, which manifested itself sexually. After divorce, he tried to have sex with younger women, but he failed—except with the drug Cialis, although even with it, the sex wasn’t that great.

    His poor sexual functioning was not caused merely by his “scar” of being cheated on and divorced; in the sense of distrust towards women, but also by his wrong expectations. Even though we worked on his problems for several sessions, he failed to accept the responsibility for his own sexual exchange. Being desired by young girls flattered him; he stopped having panic attacks, took some anxiolytics, antidepressants, and felt confident in verbal communication. However, sex was still an issue. I suggested that he try to find a more serious woman, who would understand his condition and be tolerant of his current erectile dysfunction. However, I could not “cure” his ego, which caused him to keep spiraling down. In the end, he fell in love with his friend’s daughter, telling me that the two of them had a close encounter without sexual intercourse, so he required that I give him an instant solution for sex. Seeing that psychosexual therapy does not offer that kind of help, I told him that only an injection may stiffen his penis, and sent him to a urologist. He later informed me that the urologist didn’t give him the injection, but only Cialis and some anxiolytic powder, and admitted that it was not the right way, but also that he could not “let that girl go”—because she was too good looking.

    All of these indicate that erectile problems are not that trivial and it often turns out that many men do not wish to engage in proper relations with their partners, where they will show their true face, but instead they build false, shallow relations, full of lies and deceit, only to fulfill some societal ideals and satisfy their egos. They may believe that women appreciate and respect those men more, but that is no excuse. Those same women will sooner be disappointed and leave them when they realize that these men are not how they have presented themselves. This is why I advise men to take a risk and be more honest when meeting women, because in the end they always get more out of it. Maybe they won’t have as many sexual partners, but what they do get will undoubtedly be more meaningful and fulfilling.

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  • The “Hard” truth about Erectile Dysfunction | Part 1

    The “Hard” truth about Erectile Dysfunction | Part 1

    Although there are many various types of sexual dysfunctions, one of them is considered especially significant: erectile dysfunction, caused by an inhibition in the sexual excitement phase during the male’s sexual response. It is defined as a permanent, occasional or recurring inability to develop or maintain an erection required for one to successfully engage in sexual activities and complete sexual intercourse.

    Freud classified impotence as a type of neurosis, and only with the arrival of Masters and Johnson, as well as Kaplan, did impotence receive a nicer name, free of pejorative meaning and negative self-evaluation, which is erectile dysfunction. Another discovery then was that not every man with sexual problems is necessarily neurotic, suffering from a personality disorder or another psychopathological disorder. One can be completely “normal” and be unable to develop or maintain an erection, without it meaning anything other than (most commonly) an inability to initiate or maintain sexual excitement during one of the phases of the sexual response cycle. Therefore, a satisfying erection cannot be achieved without positive sexual excitement, although, in rare cases, certain fears may lead to an erection (e.g. when men were forced to rape women at gunpoint during the war). Generally speaking, fears have an adverse effect on sexual functionality, although uncommon fears such as the fear of being discovered by others (e.g. while engaging in sensual contact in the bathroom at a friend’s party) may increase excitement.

    The first research of all types of impotence was conducted by Kinsey et al. in 1948, when they established that there was a relatively high percentage of “total impotence”, both psychogenic and organic in origin, on a sample of over 6,000 men. They determined the percentage to be 2–4% at the age of 35 and 77% at the age of 80. More methodologically valid tests were subsequently conducted, indicating a percentage of 7‒10% (Hawton, 1985). In 1993, the National Institutes of Health found that there was a high prevalence of erectile dysfunction in the United States and that between 10 and 20 million men over the age of 18 suffered from this disorder.

    The article proposes to discuss two examples of such:

    An 85-year-old man, after abstaining from sex for 3 years following his wife’s death, experienced several failures with a woman who accepted to have sex with him (mostly due to financial aid on his part), and approached us, demanding that we enable him to have a hard penis when he takes off his clothes so that she could see that he is “ready to go” and a “real” man. He would not accept my suggestions that things did not work like that even in much younger men, but he still, somewhat foolishly, hoped that there was a drug that would “raise him from the dead”. Prejudices of this type are not uncommon in men, who often expect that their penis should function regardless of their psychophysical condition, and the pharmaceutical industry relies precisely on these myths when it produces drugs for potency. This perspective disregards any ideas about necessary conditions, good relations with the partner, erotic surroundings, etc., as unimportant.

    Your partner may be Monica Bellucci or Claudia Schiffer, but if you are not “there”, are absent-minded, have not provided your necessary conditions, do not have a positive sexual excitement, are not in good relations with your partner, you will not have a satisfying erection. No drug can give you that.

    Therefore, an erection only means that your penis is hard. Whether you really want sex, whether you are indeed a real man, whether you find your partner attractive, etc., depends mostly on your assessment, your feelings and current circumstances. It would certainly not be a good idea to want to act upon your erection caused by looking at your best friend’s daughter

    (to be continued …)

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  • Foreplay | A Lethal Weapon For Pleasurable Experience

    Foreplay | A Lethal Weapon For Pleasurable Experience

    What Is Foreplay?foreplay

    Foreplay is the engagement of your partner in oral stimulation, touching, massage and other forms of interaction that precede sexual intercourse. For women, foreplay is what gets them in the mood and also allows them to achieve the fullest orgasmic response. In these ways, foreplay is a truly lethal weapon for pleasurable intercourse.

    Why Foreplay Is A Lethal Weapon?

    Because women don’t usually achieve orgasm during sex, foreplay can be a device for many things, including sexual manipulation. This doesn’t have to be a negative thing because using foreplay to arouse and stimulate your partner has many positive effects. Keep this in mind, as foreplay is discussed further in this article.

    How To Perform Foreplay?

    Think of foreplay in terms of sensual arousal and stimulation. Massage and touching are very important tools in the foreplay arsenal. Learn to get her ready for sex by building up to it slowly. After spending some serious time establishing tactile intimacy, go ahead and engage her in oral sex. If possible, don’t ask her to reciprocate. This is a huge turn on for many women, but should at least surprise her.

    Whatever you do, make the foreplay all about her needs and not yours. This makes it an especially lethal weapon, sexually speaking. The goal is to give her a full orgasm before engaging in any kind of sexual activity. This is what makes the most lethal weapon of all, as a man giving her pleasure.

    How Foreplay Helps?

    Foreplay helps get women in the mood and enjoy sex in the following ways. These are the primary ways, but not the only ones. Once a man knows his woman’s favourite foreplay recipe, there are many others to unlock, but this list is a good start for beginners.

    1) Foreplay Helps to Initiate & Stimulate Her

    In general, foreplay helps get a woman’s motor running. She thinks of sex in terms of physical intimacy and interactive stimulation. You need to engage her in these ways if she is going to truly enjoy any type of sexual intercourse or other activities. Even going through the motions helps, but try to be sincere when in the midst of foreplay. Most women can tell the difference.

    2) Foreplay Ensures Pleasurable Intercourse for Her

    A woman needs to be wet inside and warmed up, so that sexual intercourse is comfortable for her body. If she doesn’t feel this way, all the sex drive in the world won’t keep her in the mood. She will become physically tired, dry inside and limited in her patience. Foreplay is the best way to ensure that her body is ready to have intercourse, especially if you are a male who has stamina. If you engage her well in your foreplay, she will probably let you go for much longer.

    3) Foreplay Helps Alleviating Her Stress

    Women release stress by feeling good about themselves and their bodies. Just engaging in foreplay is a great stress reliever for any woman, especially if it is done correctly. Once you get to know your partner, her body will become like a lock with a specific combination. Therefore, it is possible to learn how to give her great pleasure and release stress, just by having some foreplay before each sexual session together. Remember, a relaxed woman will stay in bed longer and be willing to do whatever feels good. That’s how to have really good sex.

    4) Foreplay Raises Chances of Making Her Orgasm

    The easiest way to make most women cum is during oral sex and hot foreplay. As stated above, once a man knows his partner and her body well, making her relax becomes easy. Once you know what gets a woman relaxed, making her orgasm is usually simple. Find her timing, rhythm and listen to what sounds she is making. These are all you need to tune into to make her orgasm again and again. Do this regularly and she will be entranced with having you do it again. 

    So Use This Lethal Weapon To Hit The Target!!!

    If you want to keep a woman happy in bed, then learn to use foreplay to your advantage. There is no more powerful weapon that you can have in your sexual arsenal. Getting your partner aroused means becoming an expert in foreplay. So get to work men and use your most lethal weapon in the bedroom.

    Images courtesy of Shutterstock

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  • Sensate Body Focus- Ways to Spice Up Your Sex Life

    Sensate Body Focus- Ways to Spice Up Your Sex Life

    ...we have found each other / thirsty and we have drunk up /
    all the water and the blood / we found each other hungry…
    – Pablo Neruda

    Sensate Body Focus was developed by pioneering sex researchers, Dr William Masters and Virginia Johnson and was originally designed to help lovers overcome challenges such as performance anxiety, lack of desire, erectile dysfunction, rapid ejaculation and lack of orgasm. Challenges aside, Sensate Focus is now used as a powerful practice that encourages a deeper connection and intimacy between lovers.

    Sensate Focus exercises encourage lovers to slow down and pay attention to the sensations felt when stimulated. Sounds easy, right?  The reality is, most of us lead busy lives and are often too caught up in reaching orgasm (aka ‘The Quickie’) instead of slowing down and paying attention to the subtle touches and sensations we feel when being intimate and present with our lovers. Sensate Focus is about exploring new patterns of pleasuring that do not always have to be sexual. The focused exercises take out the pressure to respond to your lover and instead encourage lovers to relax and receive, removing the experience of goal-oriented sex.

    When pursuing Sensate Focus exercises, set aside at least 30 minutes with your lover. Begin by establishing ground rules, which might include the following:

    • Determine who will be the first giver (partners take turns being the giver and receiver).  Establish whether you or your partner wants to be clothed or naked.
    • Choose a location where you will both feel comfortable and relaxed.  If you wish, use oils (organic coconut oil is a favourite), lubricants or natural lotions.
    • Communicate to the giver what feels good, and what does not. Communication is achieved by guiding the hand of the giver. Limit talking until after the exercise is complete.

    Session #1
    Limit stroking and touching to areas of the body that are not sexually stimulating. For example, begin by focusing your touch on your lover’s face or hands. Spend 10 minutes ‘giving’ to your partner. Now, allow your lover to do the same to you, fully focusing on the sensations of being touched by your lover and your reactions to it. Try to be as quiet as possible, so you don’t take away your awareness of physical sensations.

    Session #2
    Touch, stroke and explore the sensual responses of the entire body, including the breasts and genitals, without any intent to bring about lubrication and/or erection. Start by touching other parts of your lover’s body, emphasising on physical sensations, before gradually working your way to the genitals.  Set boundaries as the receiver. Communicate to your lover where they can and cannot touch. Be specific.

    Session #3
    This stage is all about mutual touching, making the interaction more natural in the touch exchange. Simultaneous touch also allows partners to focus more on each other’s body instead of paying attention to one’s own response. Couples should communicate what they enjoy and want sexually, without getting caught up in the goal of achieving orgasm.

    Image courtesy of Shutterstock

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  • Top 5 Tips for Having Sex with A Transsexual

    Top 5 Tips for Having Sex with A Transsexual

    Adult Star Venus Lux shares her tips for having sex with a transsexual on SimplySxy!

    As you all know, the world is always changing especially when it comes to sexuality. Sex has no color, age, race, or any prejudice. With so much accessibility to pornography via the internet, people are now more willing to explore untouched territory especially when it comes to sex with transgender women. Sex should never be hard but sometimes when it comes to something unknown, useful information from a professional can put you on the right track! These are my top 5 tips to approaching sex with a transgender woman.

    1. Low expectations 

    Don’t get me wrong, having expectations are awesome! But to really have a good experience, it’s always best to know what you like but don’t expect your life fantasy to be all fulfilled in one instance. This is applicable both in life and in sex.

    2. Research

    Please do your homework and don’t hesitate to watch transsexual porn, so that you can get a better sense of what you like and what you may not. Along with understanding some of the sexual terminology such as (Greek, rimming, cuckold, missionary, creampie, top, bottom, etc). And if you are planning to be a bottom, understanding how to properly cleanse yourself for penetration is highly advised!

    3. The meeting

    Just like anyone else, always approach a transsexual with respect and common courtesy following the usage of proper address. You would hate to ruin the mood by calling a transsexual a man, gay, or a shemale. Like my friends say, “if the person is wearing a dress, address the person as a female”. Also, just because a transsexual may or may not have a penis, make sure you are sexually mutual beforehand. (Don’t hope to bottom if the girl isn’t into it)

    4. Sexual courtesy

    As a guy, maybe you don’t want to get a finger up your butt or get choked during sex. Of course, everyone should address their comforts and limits beginning and during sex. But if you plan to take on more of the power role in bed, always consider your partner’s needs if you want to continue the momentum. Below are some key tips about transsexuals:

    • ask if you can touch their hair (Keep in mind of extensions)
    • ask if you can touch their face (Some girls take pride in their makeup)
    • ask if you can touch or suck their cock (Some girls like it, some don’t)

    These are just a few side notes to think about.

    5. The moment

    I’m sure at this point, your cock is already throbbing. No worries! This is the time to enjoy yourself and to lose yourself in “the moment”. Be playful and try some new things. Be warned after the first time, you are just going to want more and better!

    P.S. A transsexual can’t get pregnant but always play and think safe! Safe sex can still always be fun. For me, Trojan bareskin condoms and kiwi strawberry WET lube always does wonders!

    venus_lux_zebra_print_1Venus Lux has become one of the top transsexual performers in the industry in the brief two years she has been in the adult industry. Since joining the industry in 2012, Venus has established herself as an experimental and dynamic performer, shining in an array of noteworthy scenes with men, women and transsexuals. The busty bombshell has attained numerous nominations and awards including a nomination for Transsexual Performer of the Year in the 2013 and 2014 AVN Awards. Venus currently holds the 2014 XBiz Award for Transsexual Performer of the Year and was named XCritic’s “Must-See Girl of the Month” in March 2014. At the 2014 Tranny Awards, the multi-talented star took home three awards for Best Scene, Best Solo Website and Hardcore Performer of the Year. The Asian Goddess has also shown that she is a skilled businesswoman with the launch of her member’s website Venus-Lux.com, which stars some of the hottest adult starlets and is one of the few independently run websites for transsexuals. Venus writes a popular column for AIPDaily called “Venus Rising” where she shares her opinions and news in the adult industry. With multiple awards and several mainstream projects under her belt, it’s clear that this alluring performer isn’t going anywhere and it won’t be long before Venus Lux is a household name.

    http://www.starfactorypr.com/venus-lux-bio.html
    http://wwww.starfactorypr.com/venus-lux
    http://www.Venus-Lux.com
    http://twitter.com/VenusLux
    http://instagram.com/VenusLux

    Images courtesy of Venus Lux
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