Matt-at-Lotus on Burning Up in the Bedroom …
… or wherever you prefer to do it. Last week, I was massaging a client which is not unusual for a sexual masseur. He was face down, naked, skin glistening from the sunlight reflected in the massage oil. I work differently from most massage therapists in that I not only offer a sexual massage but also sexual services along with it. I pride myself on being as honest as I can and see no benefit in pretending to be doing anything other than sex, such as calling it ‘Tantric Massage’ (there’s no such thing) or ‘Relaxation Massage’ (AKA ‘Massage and a hand job’). The thing is that if you, the client, don’t really know if the massage is sexual, how can you truly relax? If the practitioner doesn’t quite know whether you are ‘up for it’, how can they truly relax? It all creates a pretty cold, confused and nervous atmosphere if you ask me. My advice is to be honest, lay your cards on the table and release those inhibitions with a practitioner (which can also be your partner, stick with me and all shall be revealed …) who is equally honest with you: “This is a sexual massage, you will probably climax and you are welcome to touch me, depending on how comfortable you feel. I am happy to discuss whatever you need”.
Now aren’t you already feeling more relaxed? Can’t you now feel that tingle down your spine and that quivering of your bottom lip that says: ‘Chill out, you’re in safe hands and those hands know exactly what they’re doing’. Horny huh? Yeah, I think so too.
And There’s More
How can this help you in bed? How can this connection—between me and my clients—assist you in reaching that point of no return with your next shag? It’s easy; I deliberately make a connection with my clients to intentionally turn up the sexual heat. I do this because I can and I do this because that is what the client is paying for. It’s in my job description. Want to know how to do it? Then we shall begin …
Honesty, as I have said, is key. Tell yourself how you feel. Yes; yourself. This is how all relationships (and remember ‘relationships’ can be for one night only) start. When you get to know yourself, you can then easily share that knowledge with your partner/s. If you have no fucking clue who you are, how the hell is anyone else going to know? It stands to reason that it is only when we know ourselves that we can then teach others to know themselves. Now here is where something kinda magical happens. For example, whenever I touch most clients (and lovers for that matter) they will physically feel a heat. This is partly because I am a healer and partly because I know where to touch. It is mainly… drum roll please … because I know who I am. Does that sound odd? Allow me to elaborate.
Once upon a training in psychotherapy, I remember the tutor explaining what one of the founders of therapy noted during therapy sessions. It went something like this: ‘It’s almost as if an unseen part of the patient reaches out and an unseen part of me reaches back, like a meeting of souls rather than minds’. I am paraphrasing here because I can’t be arsed to reference it but more so because this description explains perfectly what happens in good sex. We connect with an invisible aspect of our lovers that goes far beyond the physical. This cannot happen if we haven’t at least taken that first step in connecting with ourselves. Do you follow? No? Okay, let me put it another way.
Make love to yourself first. Try masturbating very, very, slowly. Do not just concentrate on your dick (or clit if you are a lady). Explore your lips, nipples, eyebrows, ears, armpits, inside the elbows. Take. Your. Time.
I tell you this right now—do this, slowly, very very slowly and you will feel the heat. You will notice tingles, heat, throbbing in the perineum (the bit between your arse and balls or for females the soft area around half an inch from your arse, the area you would tense when doing pelvic floor exercises), the base of your spine and more. Now, go and share this with someone. Again, very very slowly. Take. Your. Time.
Oh, and all this I am teaching you now, I showed the client I mentioned earlier, as he lay there face down on the massage table, I showed him how to turn the heat up and do you know what he said?
“I c..c..an’t speak. I … I … That was. Just, that…” followed by: “Wow”’.
“You’re welcome” I responded.
Now go turn the heat up. You’ll be glad you did.