Tag: Sex Education

  • A Guide to Cuckold Terminology

    A Guide to Cuckold Terminology

    There are many euphemisms and slang used for sex and for those in the cuckold/hot-wife lifestyle is no exception. Here are some terms, not necessarily associated with cuckoldry that reader might encounter:

    Cougar/Puma is a term used to describe a mature or older woman who seeks out young men for partners. Some “cougars” are married women involved with cuckoldry who  will describe themselves as being a “cougar” because they enjoy the age difference they have with young, virile men so much. There are wives who enjoy the age play of this lifestyle so much that they will frequent bars and clubs near military bases so they can help “support the troops”—at least all that they can handle.

    Cream Pie or Cream-pie refers to the state of a woman’s vagina after she has had unprotected sex. This term is usually used as a woman “has a cream pie” that was created by her and her lover. For some women, this is the ultimate way to humiliate her cuckold or make him acknowledge and confront the special lifestyle they share is to make him clean up her cream pie.

    Cuckquean  the female version of a cuckold. Here, a husband has sex with other women all with his wife’s acceptance and support while she remains faithful to him. In these relationships, the man is usually dominant over his cuckquean and sometimes she is bisexual or performs bisexual as directed by the man. In these relationship, the man is sometimes called a “hot-husband”.

    Double Penetration is when a woman is simultaneously penetrated by two men in some combination; vaginal & oral, vaginal & anal, anal & oral.

    Gangbang refers to a gathering where a woman has sex with many different men one after another. This is also called “training” because the men line up to have sex with the woman. Sometimes, this also involves some form of simultaneous penetration; see double or triple penetration.

    Greedy wife/Greedy woman is only used in the UK that I know of and described a women, usually married, who crave sex with many different men. Supposedly these women are “greedy” because they are not satisfied with just one man and want more men than they are supposedly entitled to have.

    On a sidenote, I would be interested from hearing from anyone outside the UK where this term is used the same way.

    Gloryhole/Glory Hole refers to a make shift opening a booth or closet through which a man puts his penis so someone on the other side can perform orally on him. Quite often “gloryholes” can be found in “adult entertainment centers” or “peep shows”. This activity is for women that enjoy truly anonymous sexual activities. Some  involved with a cuckold lifestyle create a gloryhole somewhere in their home.

    Hen Party refers to a gather of women or mostly women to drink and have some fun. while this is not specifically a cuckold-related term some women involved with cuckoldry like to have special hens parties where bring in or go somewhere featuring male strippers. Sometimes a cuckold husband will serve as the designated driver for a girls’ night out.

    QOS/Queen-of-Spades is often used to describe a wife with a white husband who seeks out black men for sex. Some women like this will get a spade-symbol or “QOS” tattooed somewhere on their body’s which in certain social situations serves as a sign to others of their special interest in black men.

    Size Queen refers to a woman who prefers and seeks out sexual partners that are well-endowed. Often a wife involved with a cuckold-lifestyle will refer to herself as a “size queen” and that she got into the lifestyle because her husband is under endowed.

    Snowball  refers to a woman hold a load a ejaculate in her mouth and pass it to to someone else by kissing them. Often a woman will take the ejaculation of a man into her mouth and then she kisses her cuckold thereby giving him a “snowball”. This again, can be one of the ways a woman humiliates her cuckold—by giving him the cum from her lover in a kiss.

    The Look refers to instances where a woman, usualy married, approaches or is engaged in a sexual act with another man and she looks back at her husband to make sure he sees her and what she is doing. This is also called “eye contact”.

    Triple Penetration where a woman is penetrated simultaneously by three men. Some also call this an “air tight” scene.


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  • Things Every Girl Can Learn from Porn Stars

    Things Every Girl Can Learn from Porn Stars

    Hello everyone at SimplySxy.com! My name is Rachael Madori and I’m an adult performer from New York City but will soon be relocating to Los Angeles for my career. I’ve been in this line of work for about seven months which seems short but seven months is a good amount of time to learn the ropes and geB7ibR-iCcAIdMM9t a good grip of what this job entails. Personally I’m a low-key kind of girl. I enjoy my time away from shooting porn by working out at my gym, reading whatever book has caught my eye and exploring the ever changing city of New York with my boyfriend. I’m also a serious foodie and avid blogger. I’m really excited to be writing this piece because I always say that my favorite thing about being an adult actress is that I can speak on many subjects surrounding this industry. I want to speak to the women who are not in front of the camera. Hopefully I’ll be able to clear up some rumors, squash some misconceptions and bring to light some things that every girl can learn from a porn star.

    I’m going to start off my talking about some of the misconceptions that have been brought to my attention and that I myself had developed from watching porn before I became a part of the industry. First let’s talk about pubic hair. As I was growing up, I always thought it was disgusting and the opposite of sexy to hunnamed-11ave any pubic hair between my legs. Porn made me think so. However, there is so much porn showing women sporting little patches or full blown bush. As my manager and many directors are saying nowadays: “Bush is in!” Whatever your preference is for your vagina don’t ever let the idea that clean shaven is the only way to look sexy. I have been as smooth as a baby down there ever since I was fourteen years old and in the past few months I’ve been sporting a cute triangle patch and have never felt more hot. It’s honestly a preference and I’m strangely proud of my hair down there. I feel about my bush the way men feel about their beards. So whatever your preference is: own it and feel sexy.

    The second misconception I want to bring to light is the truth about foreplay. I feel as if men will watch porn and obviously the sex doesn’t happen an hour into the video, it happens within the first few minutes most of the time. This creates a weird idea that in the real world when a man and woman are ready to have sex he can just finger jam you for a few seconds and then stick his dick inside of you. Foreplay isn’t necessary in porn. It is in real life. Men and women alike need to understand a pussy isn’t always ready and a penis isn’t always up and running. The illusion of zero foreplay in porn exists because while the camera isn’t running that’s where the foreplay is. The male talent is getting his dick up and hard while I’m getting my vagina wet and willing. If I’m not feeling it that day there is a magical thing called lube that you don’t see me use on camera but honey, a porn set without lube is not a porn set. So let’s nip the idea that foreplay isn’t needed in the butt. When I’m having sex in real life, off set, it’s the time before I let him inside me that is really hot. The anticipation. Your job of pleasing him. His job of turning you on. It’s very important. 0010

    This next idea that porn makes people drastically underestimate is anal. I don’t know how many times I’ve met men that think having anal sex in real life should be just as easy as it looks in a porno. I’m sorry but I love anal in my personal life and it is no where near what I experience shooting it on set. Some people aren’t even aware that you must use lube when putting anything inside of your ass. In porn, there is so much preparation before an anal scene. We use butt plugs going up in size to make our butt more comfortable with having large things put inside of it. We use enemas to clean out our assholes and make sure there isn’t a mess. This isn’t always the case either. Accidents happen. When you start sticking things in odd places that technically weren’t meant to have things stuck inside them you can’t be surprised when someone shits on you. The difference is when accidents happens in porn you don’t see it in the video. When accidents happen in real life, you can’t yell cut and have your personal assistant clean up the mess. Anal takes time, practice, a lot of lube and a lot of trust. Don’t ever let someone expect you to take a dick in the ass like an anal queen on Brazzers.

    This one is for anyone interested in penises. One of the biggest misconceptions porn brings to people outside of the industry is penis size. I’m sorry but eleven inches is not the average dick length. I’ve met women and men alike who see a seven inch penis and consider it below average and small. Not only are there drugs to keep dicks going strong for hours on end but the pool of men in porn are not the “average” guy. Also, the idea that only a giant cock can please a woman is so far off from the truth it upsets me when men become self-conscious because of the types of men I work with on set. Being confident in yourself is the number one way to have great sex. Watching porn and comparing yourself to a small pool of men who happen to have larger than average dicks is only detrimental to your self-esteem and pretty illogical. 1

    The last thing I want to talk about that seems great in a porno but not so great in real life is the sex positions. I’m a little torn on this subject only because I think it is extremely important to not keep doing missionary every time you have sex. Personally I think if you do this it will end up boring one or both of you. However, if you watch porn and think your girl will take your dick in a pile-driver position for half an hour, you’re also wrong. The thing about porn is if I’m put in a difficult position to hold such as reverse cowgirl or wheel-barrow I am only holding that motion for five minutes, tops. So, although it is very important to keep sex fun and engaging please don’t expect your girl or guy to hold an absurd position for too long because you see them doing it in a porno. Remember I get to cut camera, stretch it out and return to the position later. You don’t.

    Now it’s time for me to talk about some truthful things that porn can teach you. The first and foremost thing you should learn is the women and/or men in the video are confident in their abilities and you should be too. I don’t have the perfect body, I don’t suck dick the perfect way, I can’t ride a dick perfectly and I’m not always that great at doing a sexy strip tease. The important thing is I am still confident. Porn has taught me to love my body and to love all the things it’s capable of. So what if you can’t deep throat an eleven inch penis? You would be surprised at the lists some performers have of what they can’t do and they don’t beat themselves up over it. The women and men I’ve met in the industry have confidence to them even though they know they aren’t perfect. You have these men and women getting in front of dozens of people in a room and exposing themselves to the most invasive and personal form of criticism. If they can do this, you can be confident enough in yourself and non-judgmental of your partner.

    The next thing porn shows that is truthful is variety! No, not all the positions are easy or even doable for an extended period of time but the point is to spice things up. You never see the same position through an entire porno. That would be boring to watch and it’s boring to do. You don’t have to go crazy and have your man screw you doggie style while you hang halfway out of a window but it’s important to keep things interesting. You and your partner could watch a porn and find a new position you’ve never tried that doesn’t look too difficult. Tell him you want to try it out and you won’t be surprised when he gets excited. Being adventurous and willing to try new things in the bedroom is a huge reason I love creating the porn I create. Sometimes I picture a couple watching one of my videos and being inspired by something I do which leads them into the bedroom. Sex is such a raw and natural phenomenon that finding new ways to experience it is beautiful. Maybe you could buy a new kind of toy for him or her. Experiment with different lubes, dick rings, vibrators, blindfolds or handcuffs. You never know what freaky desires you’ll find deep inside yourself and your partner.

    Another truth that you don’t see on camera but I feel inclined to talk about is sexual boundaries. Whatever happens in a porn video is consensual and agreed upon by both the man and woman. This is always how it should be in real life. Just as I’m never afraid to stand up and make very clear what I am and am not okay with, you should feel equally as convicted about your boundaries. I would never let a fellow talent, director or producer push me to do anything I wasn’t willing to do or try. You should always know your worth and your limits. It’s extremely important when engaging in anything sexual. Your body is the most personal thing you have and it shouldn’t be taken for granted. I love trying crazy new things but there are always safe words, a mutual understanding of what exactly is too far and there is trust. Make sure this is the case in real life too.

    Now let’s talk about dirty talk. If you think dirty talk is just for the porn stars, you’re wrong. We talk every minute of every day. It’s our form of communication. Why wouldn’t we use it to our advantage while we do the most personal thing in the world? A lot of my girl friends that are not in the industry tell me: “I know you dirty talk on video, but you don’t do it at home with your man right? It’s just porn talk.” That’s not the case! Don’t feel weird shouting the things that come to your mind while you’re having sex. I mean as long as it’s not someone else’s name. Personally I think dirty talk drives men crazy but I’m not a man so I can’t vouch. Even if it’s not dirty talk don’t feel weird telling them to keep hitting the same spot, move to the left or smack your ass. I don’t shout a script in my videos, I say what my body wants me to say. Embrace your ability to communicate!

    The last thing porn can teach you is HAVE FUN. Unless you’re watching a very hardcore and dominating scene everyone in the video is usually having a steamy good time. Let that slutty side come out in the bedroom. Embrace your inner carnal instincts like the ones you see on camera. Don’t feel weird yelling out, scratching his back and getting lost in each others’ bodies. Porn should be sexual inspiration not a video reminding you what you can’t do. I love the movies I create because I’m giving my fans and anyone who watches it a fantasy. Sex is nothing to be embarrassed of, nothing to be ashamed of and nothing to feel weird about. Whether you’re prude by nature or a down right slut: own who you are. The porn stars you see have completely accepted their natural feminine sexuality and embodied it. You are no different in this aspect! What a girl can learn from porn stars is that wether we’re on camera or behind closed doors our sexuality is undeniable, it deserves to be explored and it is nothing to be ashamed of and you are just the same.

    I really hope I’ve cleared up some things about porn and porn stars. It’s really important to me to break down the negative stigmas surrounding the sex industry and bring to light that porn stars are normal women too. We’re not here to make others feel inadequate, we’re here to inspire sexuality. Let’s not forget that pornography is filmed and edited, real life isn’t! Be proud of your body, your abilities and don’t judge your sexual partner too harshly. We’re all here on this Earth, enjoying each others bodies and our own.


     

    More of Rachael’s works:
    “Barbarella XXX: an Axel Braun Parody” for Wicked Pictures: Coming soon!
    “Down The Throat 3” for New Sensations: Coming out 2/26!
    “Back Up Plan” for Porn Fidelity: Out now!
    “Let’s Try Anal” for Mofos: Out now!


    Image courtesy of Rachael Madori
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  • The chastity belt … for him !

    The chastity belt … for him !

    He has been a naughty man and needs to be put into chastity, because he is not pleasing me …

    Can you imagine that this handsome man would want you to put him in a male chastity device and control his orgasm?

    This may sound barbaric or even unrealistic that any man would want this, but to some couples it can be a way to add excitement to their sex life. Male chastity is one topic that is not often talked about or exposed.  The reason why is that there is such a psychological component to it that is difficult to understand.  Sexuality is not just about a physical release but to some people who like to have their minds stimulated along with their body they crave more advanced sexual play.

    Placing a man in chastity can give the woman control over his orgasm, but not only that it can be a way for the man to be dominated.  He knows that he cannot touch himself even if he wanted to, and now he is left with pure sexual energy that he has to channel into his work day.

    Denial of orgasm for a period of time is more psychological than physical.  Men have expressed to me as a clinical sexologist that just knowing the device is on them gives them the ability to concentrate better at work and become more successful at what they do.

    Some men that have experienced erectile dysfunction in the past or a fear of not being able to please their partner sexuality, find that by wearing the device is their punishment.  The reality is that the punishment is also their excitement.  Men have practiced denial of orgasms for centuries, but understanding the reasons why they do it is not always understood, even from the person who may be practicing it.

    The human body and how people release their sexual energy is not entirely about the end result of the release but the tease of getting to the orgasm.  Male chastity is just that, a tease for many men, and for some a way to escape the pressure of performance in the bedroom.

    For more information on male chastity go to TheHappySpouse or contact Dawn for an appointment (805) 732-7847


    This article has been republished with permission from Dr. Dawn Michael.


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  • Who should you have your first threesome with?

    Who should you have your first threesome with?

    Who to choose for your first threesome is daunting a question that couples face when planning their first threesome. Is it a friend or stranger? The answer will impact the experience and possibly the relationship.

    A friend is someone who is known, such as a: colleague, co-worker, acquaintance, or close friend. As a choice, a friend offers a degree of predictability, they are easily accessible, and the choice provides a sense of security. Choosing a friend means minimizing a lot of vetting and the taken time getting to know each other. It can also mean that the sex is more intimate and meaningful.

    At this point, choosing a friend seems like the perfect choice? What about a stranger? A stranger is someone that is met for the sole purpose of having a threesome. Sometimes they may be become a friend but the foundation of the relationship remains that of group sex. Meeting a stranger for a threesome can be scary since it means speaking with someone who is unknown and before the threesome happens, it means building enough trust for sex to occur.

    Properly vetting a stranger offers many things a friend cannot. The biggest advantage for choosing a stranger is privacy. There is less of a risk of friends, your employer, and family discovering your experience. Also, I believe that choosing a stranger offers another advantage and that advantage is a lower chance of emotional attachment.

    This leads to the question, is a friend really the best choice? Granted a friend means having a threesome will occur faster and more likely be more enjoyable. However there is still one remaining question regarding choosing a friend, how does the friendship continues once the threesome ends? Are you willing to lose a friend to have a threesome?

    If they have an attraction for your partner is it likely they will pursue them or is there a chance of emotional involvement that will lead to the destruction of your relationship with your spouse? At this point, a stranger seems a more obvious choice. However, do you believe they are trustworthy? Do you feel safe around them?

    Speaking from experience, using both friends and strangers for a threesome, I lean towards choosing a stranger. Let me explain from a first hand situation experienced a several years ago whereby we had invited a friend. My wife knew him and he was someone with whom she had a curiosity. We agreed that if it was going to happen, it would be a one-off situation. After a quick phone call and a few hours later, the evening was probably the hottest night of my life thus far. I watched him fuck her and watched his cum dripping out of her. Up to that point, everything went perfectly. However, we eventually lost him as a friend and she suffered remorse afterwards.

    In contrast, we had another experience several months prior to the above-mentioned. This time, it was with a stranger and it took a few months to happen. It started innocently with him flirting with her. Slowly their interest in each other grew and we talked about how she would like to fuck him. The talk began as a fantasy and how it would feel for her, if he did fuck her. Then, as time progressed, the conversation shifted from being a fantasy to a ‘what if,’ conversation. She was still hesitant about going through with it and I was happy keeping it as a fantasy. One day after returning from flirting with him some more, she told me they were talking about wanting to fuck alone. We set some basic rules and it finally happened. When she returned, it was quite arousing for the both of us.

    From my own personal experience, if I am to answer to the question as to who I would recommend for someone’s first threesome, my answer would be to invite a stranger. A stranger can take longer to arrange because a level of trust needs to be built and the initial sexual enjoyment may be lesser. However, the arrangement can be less complicated and easier to end. This can mean a more stress free experience for all involved.


    Web Site: http://www.3somes.info
    Books:  Diary of George and Melissa: Complete Edition
    Please Share My Wife with Me
    Battling for Melissa


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  • My Valentine Sex List

    My Valentine Sex List

    What’s yours? ❤

    Valentine list

     


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  • Foreplay moves that will drive him wild

    Foreplay moves that will drive him wild

    Foreplay. I hate the word. It sounds mechanical. Perfunctory. A bland set of must do acts that we all endure to get to the point of laying naked together. I struggle to define it even if sex is my business. It has life and vitality and is staggeringly important. My pre-sex routine is dependent upon on whom I am with. There is no set repertoire of actions that comes into play. My body responds to the individual person, to his touch, needs and wants and at the same time to the sex ultimately I want played out. Foreplay sets the pace of the sex you will have. Sex is theater and foreplay is the opening act. I have been extremely fortunate to enjoy my body and the bodies of some noteworthy men. I can safety say that I will not get to the end of my life and wish I had enjoyed more men. I have had some intense sexual encounters and to be able to give someone else pleasure is a pleasure in its own right. It is an honour to be able to mesh and fall into each other; to be the giver of ecstasy is divine. Foreplay is a way of showing the man you are with that you enjoy your sexuality.

    Too few tell you to enjoy your sexuality, especially if you are a woman. That it’s a gift. No one ever tells you that fucking is not the end game, nor is counting the number of orgasms had (or faked). I consider myself fortunate to have had life, mind and body-affirming sex. The sex has been wonderful and I have learnt many things from the remarkably unremarkable sex as well.

    I am a tad old fashioned when it comes to being fucked. I can hold my own but in the bedroom, I am very much inspired by the bohemian lifestyle of Henry Miller and Anaïs Nin. She shaped my view of men and moulded my approach to the opening of sexual encounters and adventures

    The way you fuck depends on the way you first play. For me, the thrill is in the seduction, the tease. Making him aware that he knows how much you want him, that you want to make him ecstatic and arrive at the point of post coital stupidity where a man forgets who he is out of pure bliss. I adore watching a man’s face when he has an orgasm.

    Foreplay is an attitude and a confidence. This is not a definitive must do guide; it is what I find works for me. Foreplay can be any sexual activity that precedes intercourse but it needs be emotional as well as physical as it is the moment that you create the intimacy. It’s about enhancing sexual desire and it creates the trust between two souls and from this stems intimacy. Intellectualise it, politely fuck with his head so to speak.

    There are however, a few tricks that you can employ that will make him look at you like it’s the first time he has seen you, make that man drop to his knees at your front door and have him breath you in.

    I will start by saying that I don’t consider oral sex to be foreplay. It is more than that. At the very least, it’s the lovely interlude just before being fucked. I do not subscribe to Bill Clinton’s theory of sexual relations. I view oral sex as sex (the hint is in the name) as unlike Mr. Clinton, I believe that sex is anything that involves a penis and as oral generally involves the penis, then its sex regardless of what Hillary chooses to believe about her husband. Foreplay is something a little more indirect; it is about encouraging the penis, not involving it directly.

    Eye contact. I cannot stress enough how much this works in setting the tone. Eye contact is key to intimacy. Look into his eyes when you open door and hold that gaze and then smile. Kiss him. Everything you do should be done looking into his eyes. Unbuttoning his shirt, rubbing his penis though his jeans to get him hard, when you unbutton your shirt or unzipping your dress. Eye contacts is all about exuding confidence and it’s that confidence that is the turn on. Look into his eyes when he is about to kiss you, when you tell him how much you want him inside of you. If you are a bit shy, then just dart your eyes away before coming back to him

    Kissing. Kissing is important. It’s the key to foreplay. It’s more intimate than sex itself. It’s the most requested service a sex worker gets asks to perform. Why? Because of the closeness it brings. When your mouths fit effortlessly together, it’s a sure-fire indicator that the sex to follow will be awesome, in my experience if your mouths don’t sync the sex will be off. So, learn how to kiss. Its an art, a learned skill that takes practice. Gently bit his lips. Kiss him as soon as you see him, allow him to gently hold his hands on your face whilst kissing. Walk backwards as you are kissing, gently (or not so gently) slam him up against the wall. This is what lovers do. They fuck with passion and that passion stems from the kissing. If you really want to tease him a bit, hold back a little before your mouths touch and say ‘how much do you want to fuck me right now’ Yes, do this while looking into his eyes.  

    Wear. You don’t have to dress up if that’s not you. You just have to be yourself. If matching bra and undies are not your thing, then don’t force it. There is perfection in imperfection. Messy bed hair, understated make up, mismatched knickers. Wear something that you can slip out or hike up whilst you straddle him. Let this be a lesson learned, no one looks sexy trying to pull a leg out of skinny jeans. You also need to be able to kick off your heels or keep your boots on. Go sans knickers if wearing a skirt, go braless and with just hold ups, undies and a cardigan. Just give him a hint of your boob. Invest in wonderful vintage inspired stocking and suspender sets. One of the most erotic experiences I have ever has was with a man who pulled out of me mid-sex, stood over me as he sat me up on the edge of the bed, then pulled up my stockings up and re-clipped the belt straps looking at me as he adored my stockings. 

    Enthusiasm:  Your man needs to know that you are into him, that you enjoy being caressed and fucked. You do this, of course, by touch. You do this by moving your hips. You need to grind your pelvis into his. Rub your hands over his penis, get him hard through his jeans, rub his inner thigh and his arse. Please do not forget to touch him. He needs to feel that you are into him. Suck on his fingers whist looking into his eyes then, without too much subtlety, guide his hand under your skirt and into your pants and ask ‘can you feel how wet I am?’  Sucking his fingers gives him a healthy clue as to what is to come next.

    Free his nipples. Please do not ignore his nipples. A man’s nipples are almost always ignored. They should not be. They are a good and unusual focus of your attention. He will adore having his nipples tweaked, flicked, licked and lightly bitten … you get the idea.

    Sex Worker Tip:  Lastly, a sex worker tip from a pro. If you are worried about not being turned on because of your nerves, put a little lube on before he arrives. Trust me when I say that this, when he feels how wet you are, he will be so that you will forget your nerves.


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  • A Little Goes A Long Way: Sexual Frustration and Haemorrhoids

    A Little Goes A Long Way: Sexual Frustration and Haemorrhoids

    What do you mean you didn’t know there was a connection? There is. Think about it. Think about where you feel sexual tension in your body—feel it—now think about where you feel tension releasing from in your body when you climax and now think about where in your body you can feel that build up … in your ass.

    Many months ago I wrote an article called ‘Sexual Frustration Causes Haemorrhoids: Discuss’ on my blog that covered a very simple practice that you can do to re-circulate the energy associated with sexual frustration. Piles (haemorrhoids) are caused (energetically speaking) by stagnant sexual energy or ‘Chi’ as the Chinese call it. It stands to reason that if you circulate that energy this practice could, just could, help alleviate some of the symptoms associated with those grapey little suckers hanging down in an oh so unsexy fashion but wait … there’s a far more important point to this article … stay with me.

    In Parts I, II and III of Masturbation: A Series on How to Get You Off we looked at new and intense ways to get to know yourself sexually by exploring your body in perhaps a fresh way. This builds sexual energy in the body. Just writing this to you now; I can feel it building. Can you feel it? Just by recalling those articles on masturbation I can feel it building, can you feel it?

    Energy—whether sexual, physical, emotional etc—has to go somewhere. It must move in order to prevent stagnancy and to alleviate pressure. If our bodies start to swell, stiffen (no, not that kinda stiffening) or bruise then we know that something somewhere is stuck. So to get the most out of the previous articles (and to prevent/help symptoms* associated with piles) it really is best to work with me in getting into our bodies, ‘grounding’ ourselves even deeper into those bodies and, yes, doing some very important exercises to keep that energy moving which will … drum roll please … lead to better sex, more intense orgasms and an ‘earthier’ more complete climax.

    So this maybe a little too practical for you and you might be thinking ‘God this is boring, I clicked onto SimplySxy for some titillating fun!’ but trust me on this one, it only takes a minute (or two, or three) and you really will feel the benefit if you keep this exercise up. In fact … for you men reading this, I can tell you how this exercise benefits me: it gives me stronger erections, helps me to last longer, intensifies my climax and gives me more control. Yeah … I thought that might get your attention. Ladies, I’m not a lady and don’t want to go making claims I can’t prove, you know, with the lawyers watching an’ all, but just humour me on this one and do feel free to report back … ready … steady … let’s go (some of what follows has been reproduced from my blog).

    Firstly you need to know a little bit more about this sexual energy that I keep talking about. The sexual energy is housed within the perineum or ‘root Chakra’. We need this energy to circulate around the body freely, travelling up the spine, around the brain and down the arms, through the palms of the hands and so on.

    This is needed in our everyday lives—not just when we are having sex.

    You can probably feel it awakening now, reading this. You will most probably feel a tingle at the top of your head, a rush down your arms and maybe even a heat in your groin. This is your body responding to my words, the sexual energy resonating with the energy of my intentions as I share this information with you.

    When the energy stops flowing and/or if there is a blockage preventing full movement of energy, this causes obvious sexual symptoms: loss of sexual appetite, impotence, dryness, frustration, premature ejaculation, inability to reach climax etc. It also causes a more physical build up of blood in the anus and rectum due to the lack of movement. The stagnant sexual energy has, quite simply, resulted in stagnancy in the blood circulation and this combined with vascular weakness/valve failure, causing piles (haemorrhoids).

    The Solution:

    Stand with your feet hip-distance apart, knees softened, limbs relaxed. Imagine a chord pulling you upright (keeping knees soft) from the centre of your head. Relax your jaw and close your eyes.

    Now curl your toes under as if digging them into the ground. Now ‘pull up’ your anus and perineum. If you cannot maintain this tension (eventually, with practice, you will) just keep squeezing and pulling up. This will feel like a ‘pumping’ sensation. To maintain the squeeze is preferable, but pumping will do.

    Now you will probably feel a heat from your perineum/anus rising up the spine. This is the stagnant sexual energy and you are now waking this up, drawing it up the spine.

    Can you feel that heat?

    Now visualise that you are THROWING this up and out of the top of your head—DRAMATICALLY. Throw it up in the air and let it disappear. Keep that tension in your perineum/anus and keep bringing that energy up the spine and throwing it out of the top of your head.

    Relax your toes but maintain the anal tension. Continue to throw the energy up and out.
    Now relax everything but stay upright. That completes the practice, dead easy or what?

    Now just to finish you off (pun intended):

    VERY IMPORTANT—Ground Yourself: Stamp your feet, shout, scream (this releases energy, don’t ask, just humour me and do it) and then return to the initial knees-soft standing posture (without tensing your toes or anus) and visualise roots growing out of the soles of your feet. You might even want to go outside and do it or stand with your back against a tree and do it. If you are a wheelchair user, you can of course, do all the above in your own way and easily visualise growing roots out of the soles of your feet. You can back your wheelchair up against a tree, no problem.

    The grounding after an exercise of this nature is important and also can be very helpful before and after masturbating. Try it and see what difference it makes. Put as much effort into your grounding practice as you did throwing the energy out of the top of your head.

    We are now with this article and the series on masturbation, really getting to know how to work with our sexual energy. I ask this a lot and will continue to ask you: can you feel that heat?

    Wonderful.

    Matt xXx

    Here’s to your intimate adventures…

    *This article is written based on Matt’s personal and professional experiences and does not make any claim to be in replacement of treatment for Haemorrhoids or the symptoms of Haemorrhoids and makes no claims to improve sexual performance. NB Please seek medical advice before attempting the exercises mentioned in this article should you require this. Matt cannot be held responsible for any adverse effects experienced as a result of not taking this advice and this article is not to be used in replacement of medical, psychological or emotional treatment.


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  • The Lucky Number Three

    The Lucky Number Three

    Lucky Number Three: Young Adults’ Attitudes, Interests, and Experiences Relating to Threesomes

    The topic of group sex is not uncommon among discussions involving university students, yet fairly little is known about young people’s experiences with and interest in group sex. Moreover, with some recent evidence suggesting that today’s youth are more sexually permissive than past generations, particularly with regard to casual sex, it is more important than ever to understand all aspects of young people’s sex lives, including experiences with and interest in group sex.

    Consequently, a few students and I at the University of New Brunswick decided to develop a study designed to address the dearth of research related to people’s attitudes, interests, and experiences with group sex. As a starting point, we examined heterosexual university students’ attitudes, interest, and experiences relating to mixed-gender threesomes (MGTs; sexual activity involving three people where at least one member of each gender is present). In particular, we were interested in assessing young men’s and women’s self-reported attitudes toward those engaging in MGTs, interest in participating in MGTs (the influence of contextual features on their interest in MGT), and experiences with MGTs.

    Our results suggest that about 12% of university students have experienced a MGT at some point in their lives, with more men reporting experience with MGTs as compared to women. Interestingly, men and women did not differ in their self-reported experiences with MGTs involving two men (MMF), but they did differ in their experience with MGTs involving two women (FFM). It appears as though young men report MORE experience with FFMs as compared to MMFs, SURPRISE SURPRISE! Now, how can this be? Is it that a handful of women are running around having MGTs with tons of men? Or is it, perhaps, that men have a tendency to over-report their number of sexual partners whereas women tend to under-report (my guess is the latter)?

    Despite the relatively low number of young people indicating experience with MGTs, more than half of participants were interested, to some extent, in engaging in a MGT. Again, a larger percentage of men reported interest in MGTs as compared to women. Moreover, participants’ level of interest varied based on several contextual features. In particular, MGTs involving a romantic partner were rated as more desirable than those in which the participant would be the third person. Further, MGTs involving a friend were more desirable than those involving a casual acquaintance or a stranger.

    When examining attitudes toward those who engage in MGTs, our results indicate that young adults’ attitudes are fairly neutral. In other words, participants did not judge those engaging in MGTs particularly positively (e.g., pure, moral, healthy) or particularly negatively (e.g., dirty, immoral, desperate). Furthermore, there was a gender difference in attitudes toward those engaging in MGTs, with men reporting more permissive attitudes than did women.

    In sum, these data illustrate that young adults hold very neutral attitudes toward MGT participants, suggesting that young people do not consider MGTs to be an unconventional and/or stigmatized sexual behavior. Moreover, interest in MGTs, but not experience, appears to be widespread among young adults. Interestingly, interest in MGTs is influenced by contextual features (i.e., presence of romantic partner and relationship with third person), suggesting that the more comfortable we are with the potential sexual partners, the more interested we are in participating in a MGT. All in all, the results of this research are very positive. Now, I am not suggesting that everyone run out and start having threesomes, I am merely pointing out that young people do not appear to judge the character of others based on their sexual experiences/behaviors. Hopefully this trend continues in other areas of sexuality, resulting in the acceptance of people with a variety of sexual interests and sexual orientations.

    ** For more information, check out the following article on the accuracy of men’s and women’s self-reported sexual experience: http://www.scienceofrelationships.com/home/2013/6/21/sex-lies-andbogus-pipelines.html **


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  • Do fetishes require a Health and Safety warning?

    Do fetishes require a Health and Safety warning?

    As a now qualified psychologist, and practicing psychotherapist, I believe it is an aspect of my duty as a sex and relationship specialist to inform my readers that some fetishes require such warnings. It has been well documented since the early 17th century that men are dying due to their passion for sexual fetishes and the accessing of their fantasies, which are subsequently being played out. Therefore, some of these fetishes are quite historic in nature.

    I hear more and more in the British press that LGBT men and men from the greater community are not always taking into consideration that various fetishes are in fact dangerous, if not health threatening. Two come to mind, a 32-year-old BBC presenter Kristian Digby died in December 2010 from a sex game that went wrong. He accidentally suffocated himself while attempting to achieve a fetish known as an ‘auto-erotic asphyxiation’ (AeA a bondage sex game consisting of partial, or total wrapping in cling film ‘mummification’). Recently, a 47-year-old Alun Williams partook in a similar sex game, where he fully wrapped himself in the same material and suffocated in August 2014. The United States of America estimate that the total death rate due to ‘AeA’ falls between 500 to a 1,000 nationwide per year. Unfortunately, due to the taboo nature, the United Kingdom and North America do not hold actual figures.

    Unfortunately, rationality goes out of the window when the sexual drive is all so powerfully active that one does not learn from others demise, and die in vein of similar fetishes. Of recent years, I have noticed various men contact me requesting advice on what fetishes they could attempt. This, of course, is quite a challenging prospect and consideration for me to take on as fetishes are individually founded in preference. Such a preference is driven by sexual arousal, imagination, sexual fantasies, and quite possibly, lack of adventure in everyday life.

    If such drives are fundamentally conceived by a lack of adventure in one’s day, when sexual awareness appears limp in all states of carnal consciousness such as: physical arousal, spiritual arousal, and a cognizant arousal. Then, the unconscious will collect material from everyday experience and process it in order to be drawn upon at a later date. Of course, if one becomes aroused within the process of obtaining such material, then there is every chance one will be aroused when processing, however distorted the material might become. It is important to appreciate ones sexual desire (libido) derives from an innate motivational energy that consists of any of the following: predisposition, drive, want, wish, need, sexual attraction, lust, or urge.

    There are three factors to consider, ‘Drive’, ‘Motivation’, and ‘Wish’. There are explained herewith: drive equates to the organic/ genetic element, for example, anatomically. Then, motivation, which equates to the psychological element, which when dissected, indicates one’s mental states, for example, their mood, their interactive states when with another, for example, their mutual affection, or dislike with the other, as well as their social circumstance, whether they are within a relationship, or a casual affair. Then finally, the wish, which equates to the cultural element. This, when dissected, would contemplate the individuals’ cultural idealisms, their value system, and conditioned procedures regarding the individuals’outer sexual expression.

    To end on an informative note, I have researched the top 15 sexual fetishes, which might span from developing a mask fetish, drinking blood, acting out animalistically as a furry, and to nappy wearing.  According to http://www.cbsnews.com (2014), this is the list in no particular order: Agalmatophilia: Mannequin Love, Ursusagalmatophilia: Plushies (furries), Partialism/Gas Pedal Honeys, Salirophilia: I Like It Dirty, Paraphilic Infantilism: Diaper Me, Hybristophilia: Criminal Love, Hematolagnia: Vampire Sex, Mechanophilia: Inspector Gadgets, Claustrophilia: Love of Tight Places, Odaxelagnia: Bite Me, Dacryphilia: Are Those Tears?, Masks: Blindfold Me, Autoandrophilia: Just Pretend I’m a Boy, Acrotomophilia: Amputees, and Somnophilia: Sleeping Beauty.

    If this floats your boat, please research, enjoy, and recognise your fetish limitations.  After all, sex is for the living and I can guarantee, you will not gain sexual enjoyment after your death.


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  • The truth about men and penis anxiety

    The truth about men and penis anxiety

    For men, the penis is front and center, it can be seen by all who view it when his pants are down. Some men will cringe at the thought of this and others will become aroused. The thought of a woman looking at their penis, perhaps admiring it or laughing at it can arouse a man or destroy his ego. A man’s entire persona, ego, manhood, confidence can be located between his legs. Does it have to be this way, no it does not, but for most men it is!

    In the book The New Male Sexuality by Bernie Zilbergeld Ph.D, it gives a perspective on what the male penis might say if given the chance to speak.

    Often the penis complained mightily about not getting what it needed (a relaxed owner, a booze-free environment, proper stimulation, and so on) and resented the demands being made on it saying, You never pay attention to me unless you want something, and then you want it exactly the way you want it, and get angry and threaten me unless I comply. Half the situations you get me into scare the hell out of me. I’m not at my best when I’m scared. I want you to know that unless you pay more attention and give me what I need like more appealing and less frightening situations, you’re getting zilch. And that’s that.”

    In a world where men are now surrounded by pornography, as their first real introduction to sex education, many men are left with the feeling that they just don’t compare. They often forget that these men are professionals who have above average penis size and are not performing to a live audience. For many men the pressure to perform and get it just right, is can create a problem with erections and orgasm,. Often times a man can be with a woman that he truly does desire but is unable to get an erection.

    Why does this happen?

    The answer is blood flow, getting the blood to flow through veins that are constricted and the heart is pushing the blood to other parts of the body triggering the fight or flight response. The more nervous a man gets the blood just leaves his penis, and that can really make him feel small.

    Facts:

    Length of the male penis

    The most accurate measurement of the human penis comes from several measurements at different times since there is naturally minor variability in size due to arousal level, time of day, room temperature, frequency of sexual activity, and reliability of measurement. Measurements vary, with studies that rely on self-measurement reporting a significantly higher average than those with staff measuring. However, the mean of an erect human penis is approximately 12.9–15.0 cm (5.1–5.9 in) in length.

    Erect circumference

    Similar results exist regarding studies of the circumference of the adult fully erect penis, with the measurement taken mid-shaft. As with length, studies that relied on self-measurement consistently reported a significantly higher average than those with staff measuring. In a study of penis size where measurements were taken in a laboratory setting, the average penis circumference when erect was 4.8 inches (12.3 cm).

    What does this all mean?

    Men that feel bad about their penis, who are anxious about performing, who ejaculate too quickly or cannot get an erection or keep it, most are products of the idea that a man always has to be ready to perform sexually. This is the one defining factor that most men will feel when dealing with a sexual dysfunction. Once a man can understand that he is not supposed to always initiate sex, that he is not the one who has to perform all the time, or that sex has to be serious. Sex is, about having fun without the pressure to perform. For help with sexual issues there is, self-esteem coaching, sex education, and help from a certified clinical sexologist, these professionals can help with resolving these issues. Size is really a matter of how a man feels about himself, and the partners he chooses to be with. Size really does not matter if a man is not able to get or maintain an erection, because he is anxious about the size of his penis?

    Understanding that sex is not just about penetration, but intimacy, love and feeling good, then the pressure to perform should be taken away. When the pressure is no longer there to perform than a man can be at ease knowing that if his penis is performing or not he can still give pleasure and receive pleasure…..and in the end his penis may just rise to the occasion!


     This article has been republished with permission from Dr. Dawn Michael.


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