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Feature image courtesy of Kathy W
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Author: Kathy W
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Eight SimplySxy Ways to Spend this Christmas~
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Book Review: The Bonobo Way by Dr. Susan Block
Looking to put some sizzle in your sex life? Well, we’ll say it’s probably time for you to head down to the local zoo and do some bonobo watching over the weekend with The Bonobo Way in hand. Renowned sexologist Dr. Susan Block unlocks the secret to an amazing sex life and perhaps, even world peace. Unbashfully candid and extremely witty, Block literally leaves no coconut shells unturned. From Bonobo Sutra to erotic politics and economics, The Bonobo Way provides a delightful insight to the vital role that sex plays in achieving and maintaining peaceful egalitarian relationships through the eyes of our long-lost kissing cousins.
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The Truth About Teen Sexting
What exactly is your child doing behind closed doors?
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My Valentine Sex List
What’s yours? ❤
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Six worst relationship advices ever
Whirlwind romances, tiffs, break-ups. There are no shortage of well-intended advices when you let on that your relationship is on the rocks and things are rather shaky in lovey-dovey land. While we usually look to family members and friends who dish out great opinions to deal with the situation in hand, here’s a bunch of terrible advice that you definitely should give the boot:
Moving in together will solve your problem
If you and lady love were constantly squabbling about the most mundane of stuff such as what to do on date nights and vacation destinations, what makes you think that moving in and placing two fused bombs together will be the solution to those arguments. On contrary, we wouldn’t even dare linger in your apartment for more than a moment, for fear of being caught in the middle of those awkward silent killer stares.
Hang in there. It will get better once you have a baby
Do not get me wrong. While I am clearly not fond of swaddling a wailing baby in my arms and having to deal with infinite hours of diaper changing, I must agree that these “bundles of joy” do complete a happy family. A child needs to grow up in a conducive environment with loving and responsible caregivers who love each other as much as their lil spawn. No kid is gonna end up thriving well in a place with parents constantly yelling at each other.
It’s because he/she needs you and loves you too much
This should not be the reason why your partner is checking your phone and going through your Internet browsing history when you are asleep. This should not be the reason why you are no longer hanging out with your best friends, not allowed to indulge in your harmless checking-out-random-chicks moments in the pub, and why you now have to avoid all your friends of the opposite gender. Most importantly, this is not why he/she puts you through those physical abuses and mental torments.
Now that you are over (insert age), you have to lower your expectations
Age is the best testament to our life experiences and as we grow wiser and more financially independent with every year, we learn from our mistakes and (hopefully) figure out what works for us. If dating a millionaire who beer belches and boogie picks in public is clearly not your thing, then you simply have to find someone who will rock your world. Never shortchange yourself in a potentially unsatisfying relationship just because you are not longer in the prime age for the dating scene for there are tons of billionaires out there who will love you for who you are (and have the decency to dig out their boogies discretely).
It was a mistake. He/she won’t cheat on you again
This is a topic that is very close to my heart. Trust me. I may sound like a very bitter jilted lover but chances are he/she will cheat on you again because they have gotten away with it and you were the one who allowed them to do so. Even if they are truly repentant, the level of trust will need to be rebuilt from scratch, together with the phase of keeping tabs on your significant other’s whereabouts and secretly wondering if he/she is truly pulling an all-nighter at work. I have been through that and my best regards go out to both of you to making it work again.
If you love someone, let them go
Okay, this is probably very much debatable and not really that much of a terrible advice but I personally do not believe in the couch potato aka “watch and let go” way of managing a relationship. If you truly love someone, you would have made your expectations known at the very beginning and both of you would have already put in efforts to make the relationship a fulfilling one (in spite of all the many little arguments that both of you would have encountered along the way). In short, there would not even be the need for any salvage advice. On the other hand, if there has been a change of heart or he/she never loved you as much to begin with, it’s best to bid au revoir.
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Five Boo-boos of Ginormous Boobs
To the guys out there who are reading this: you are not the only ones who are obsessed with boobies for girls are pretty concerned about our twin assets too, albeit on a very different level. I have always been fascinated by huge boobs and was even caught checking out a particular well-endowed friend’s cleavage once by my then ex-boyfriend for a very simple reason; my breasts resemble that of a flat runway and I have always admired those who pull off dresses with plunging necklines. That said, a set of hefty racks comes with its own cons too. While this may seem especially self-comforting, here are five reasons that us flat-chested ladies might want to reconsider before signing up for breast argumentation.
No drizzle, crumbs and whathaveyous please
No one fancies being caught unprepared on a rainy day, but it certainly seems that downpours are very much preferred to drizzles for the raindrops never fail to first land on the ample busts and it can be rather awkward with those sporadic water blobs on a nude colored/light colored frock during office hours—sure looks like one has been frolicking in the restroom. The same goes for bar countertops; the boobs just seem to find their way snugly right on top of the table every time and no prizes for guessing where cookie crumbs always end up on.
Camel humps
I have never had any issue putting on sling bags for the strap would sit comfortably on the solar plexus between my boobs as I would lug my gym gear around town while waiting for the next pilates class. However, it can be slightly daunting for a D-cupper who is trying not to draw too much attention to herself for placing the strap on the same position creates the effect of two extremely visibly protruding moulds.
“My eyes are up here” phenomenon
Talk about the uneasiness of being introduced to someone whose first and subsequent glances are clearly on your breasts, realizing how much boys are constantly darting their eyes between your face and your boobs during conversations or how they are staring when they think that you are not looking at them. This sure makes for totally awkward interviews and conversations.
Clothes and “uniboobs”
It can be tough to find a perfect fit if your bosoms are significantly larger than your actual frame in the instance of a US size 6 body matched with double DDs. Tee shirts are a poor fit and end up looking like “uniboobs” with a tight stretch prominently marked across the chest. Button down tops have a tendency to flare with gaping holes in between and tank tops somehow never fail to make one look slutty. Going bra-less without the entire population watching them nipples on parade becomes an almost impossible feat too.
Jiggly Exercises
Working out can actually be torturous without the support of at least two layers of sports bras due to the pain of those bouncing boobs, especially during treadmill sessions. Mat exercises can be challenging too as I have witnessed well-endowed women in my yoga class experiencing difficulties with the plow position as they complain about back aches and some were literally huffing and puffing as they struggle with having the boobies out of the way while getting the poses right.
At the end of the day, I do envy those who are able to strut their ample bosoms in a camisole and as I approach my late twenties, it also became very evident that hopes of my breasts magically coming together to form the awesome ‘V’ was clearly not happening. On certain days as I flip through fashion magazines, thoughts of going under the knife to increase my bust size flutter across my mind but then again, I always end up holding back for natural is beautiful.
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5 Signs She’s Just Not That Into You
Growing up and into my teenage years, I had spent an unhealthy amount of time on arcade machines, reading epic fantasy novels and watching Japanese anime while most of my peers were beginning to discover that the opposite gender was perhaps not so annoying and pesky after all. In fact, I was pretty much clueless about the cues of a blooming relationship and was unknowingly labelled as a “play hard to get bitch” as I’d go out on second, third dates with a guy I had zero interest in dating mainly because I didn’t know how to reject someone and on other occasions, I had absolutely no idea that it was a date.
When I am clear about my interest in a guy, I would be proactive and explicit about my feelings but when it comes to those who am only keen on having a platonic friendship, I would always be curt and avoid solo meet ups as much as possible (which unfortunately, some dudes still don’t get it). For the guys out there who are wondering if the girl you’re into feels the same about you, you may want to consider the below signs before professing your undying love for her.
Last minute date flakes
No girl is ever too busy to hang out with the subject of her affection. I have flaked and cancelled on guys due to genuine urgent work requests and then, there’s “work requests”. That said, the huge difference between a genuine flake and the ‘desperate last resort’ is that I will be sure to reschedule the date within the same week in the instance of the former while for the latter, I’ll generally put it off and cross my fingers that he’ll eventually get the hint.
She doesn’t reply to your messages
Apart from those who are into the devious mind wrenching “no contact” crap (in this case, she might just be VERY interested in you and you may want to reconsider your options), chances are that she will not be uncontactable for more than 24 hours unless you’re out of her thoughts and mind. Things simply cannot be any more clear-cut than this. If she likes you, she will respond as soon as she is able.
Declines to be sent back home
This goes to show a lot about the level of comfort that she has with you. Usually the walk back together to her apartment is a prelude to “coming up for a cup of coffee” which is most likely to lead to a nice smooch … or something more. A woman who is not interested would rather part ways and trudge the five miles from the subway station in those loathsome stilettos than risk putting herself in a potentially awkward situation.
Tries to hook you up with another friend
You are elated when she’s finally keen to find out more about your interests, dating history, and family members when bam! she ends the night saying, “You really should meet my friend (inserts female name)”. This is a clear sign that you’ve been friend-zoned. She’s only having those intimate chats with you because you are potential boyfriend material … for her girlfriend.
Mentions her ex
It is perfectly fine if you had asked her about her past relationships or she casually mentions why things with her previous partner didn’t work out. However, if she is constantly making references or ranting about that douchebag of an ex, you should back out and throw the towel in for now as she’s definitely far from ready and might even be using you as a tool to get him back. Nobody wants to date an angsty woman, even more so for one who has yet to get over her ex.
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How to survive long-distance relationships
Some relationships lead up to engagements and marriages and others in my instance, to a long-distance commitment. While I was and still am enjoying the moment; aka not in a hurry to walk down the aisle, I was certainly not expecting for the petit copain and I to be spending the next couple of months 2,500 km apart. By his standards, we were already kinda leading a long-distance relationship to begin with as most of his counterparts are living with their partners while we continue to meet up twice, or even once a week. As for me, I had barely settled down comfortably in the routine (or lack thereof) of our relationship, only to have to go through yet another wave of changes. Then came the move … the first few days were absolutely insane and I was incredibly annoyed when he failed to turn up for our first Skype date, before learning that his new mobile plan had yet to be activated and that he was caught up in an extended dinner with his new boss. Over the subsequent weeks, we began to establish certain routines in hope that these will keep things running till we eventually close the distance.
The talk
Prior to the shift, it is very important to figure out the dynamics of the ongoing relationship and to make plans for the long-term future. For us, this was a looming possibility that we had discussed casually many months earlier but somehow, it did not to be much of a reality back then. When it finally did sink in, the rationale and practical me immediately proposed that we remain as amiable friends while he took a long while to ponder before telling me as a matter-of-fact that he was very clear about what he wanted with us and merely referred to this as a “very small issue”, asserting and reassuring me that we will make things happen. On top of this, we also made a mutual pact to inform each other upfront should either of us decide on pulling out of this commitment or if we meet someone new.
Texting …
When frequent weekly meet-ups are no longer possible, WhatsApp became one of our main means of communication as Skype dates proved to be difficult due to the long working hours that we both have. While this was perfectly fine over at my end, it posed to be a lil tough for the copain for he was never much of a texting and phone call man, preferring long conversations over coffee to the wonders of technology. That said, these days, am receiving messages comprising more than 30 words in a single sentence and most of our rare Skype conversations have lasted more than an hour.
and “pictorial sexting”
There is only so much conversation that two people can have and while we always endeavor to keep it PG friendly (the firewalls have eyes), it can be rather interesting at times to let some very suggestive pictures do the talking instead.
Getaways
Instead of counting down to the day that we will finally close the distance, one effective means of making the many kilometers apart more bearable is to plan multiple miniature getaways and to always part ways with the next vacation set in stone; albeit don’t just talk about it but at least have the dates fixed and air tickets booked so that there is something real to look forward to. As the gluttony duo, most weekends were splurged on massive brunches and now that we are miles apart, this gives us the opportunity to save up those “nom-monies” for more epic trips around the world together. We are now more financially able to travel further and opt for better accommodations as opposed to our last vacation in a random-moth-and-cockroaches-infested bathroom.
End game
Back to the first point, one of the reasons that I only agreed to this current arrangement is that apart from my huge affection for this man from the land of many wonderful cheeses, we embarked on this long-distance relationship with a specific end game and timeline in mind. Indeed, absence makes the heart grow fonder but I truly believe that prolonged absence also renders frustration, disappointment and the eventual indifference. No matter how much we adore each other, a long-distance relationship can only last when there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Thankfully, we are working towards closing the distance within the next half-a-year and while this may seem like a very short period apart as compared to many other couples out there (you have my utmost respect!), this episode has definitely made me much more appreciative of the petit copain and his immense patience in putting up with my daily dose of nincompoop-ness.
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Pink Dot SG : A Celebration of Diversity
Pink balloons gather and aflutter; nothing short of spectacular.
The sixth annual Pink Dot SG was held on 28 June 2014 with a turnout of 26,000 participants. It is most encouraging and heartening that while this year’s Pink Dot SG took place amidst the controversial Wear White Movement, it continued to garner the support of the public and even set to achieve yet another groundbreaking turnout. While most, if not all of the participants are familiar with Pink Dot’s advocates, little are aware that this sixth year running event is also one of Singapore’s homegrown pride and joy. Pink Dot SG is a social movement that was started by a group of individuals—straight and LGBTQ—who care very much about the place of LGBTQ individuals in Singapore. It is an initiative that seeks to build a truly inclusive home that celebrates diversity and inclusiveness, and has since grown into an annual highly anticipated event and even inspired numerous overseas counterparts such as Pink Dot Okinawa, Pink Dot London, Pink Dot Anchorage, among others.
The path towards true freedom to love is never easy, much less for LGBTQ individuals—as seen in the history of LGBTQ in Singapore. In December 2000, Asia’s pioneer gay personals website Fridae.com was formed and it’s first large-scale outdoor dance party held on 8 August 2001; one day shy of the country’s national day. This proved to be a test of the social boundaries in a society that upholds traditional Asian attitudes. Subsequently, such events were banned and this called a temporary hiatus to all other public dance parties of such nature. The arts scene in Singapore itself was slow to warm up to the idea of movies and plays showcasing elements of alternative sexuality and it was not until January 2008, that Golden Village—a cinema operator based in Singapore—organized the very first “The Love and Pride Film Festival” dedicated to LGBT films. On May 16, 2009, the first Pink Dot SG was held in the city-state and while it was attended by a mere 2,500 people, the event received international media attention and coverage and it has never looked back since.
With a strong team of dedicated organizers and three very talented celebrity ambassadors—Sebastian Tan, Janice Koh and Brendon Fernandez—backed by the sponsorship and support of major multinational companies such as Goldman Sachs, Barclays, JP Morgan and Google, this year’s Pink Dot SG only goes to show the scale that this event has taken on. While it is easy to immerse oneself in the fun-filled activities, entertaining performances and the annual Pink Dot light up, the underlying importance of this event cannot be taken for granted. Apart from being a “feel good, positive event”, there is a constant need to address the issue of diversity within society and to be conscious of the fact that Pink Dot SG is not a “be all and end all” for LGBTQ. This serves as an opportunity for us to reconsider today’s definition of acceptable social norms for as Janice Koh has so very aptly said, “There was a time when left-handed people were persecuted. Pink Dot starts from the ground; touching the hearts of the community. The LGBTQ group is only deemed to be truly accepted when the Pink Dot movement ceases to exist.”Image courtesy of Kathy W at Pink Dot SG 2014
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