Author: Giles Dee-Shapland

Do fetishes require a Health and Safety warning?

As a now qualified psychologist, and practicing psychotherapist, I believe it is an aspect of my duty as a sex and relationship specialist to inform my readers that some fetishes require such warnings. It has been well documented since the early 17th century that men are dying due to their passion for sexual fetishes and the accessing of their fantasies, which are subsequently being played out. Therefore, some of these fetishes are quite historic in nature.

I hear more and more in the British press that LGBT men and men from the greater community are not always taking into consideration that various fetishes are in fact dangerous, if not health threatening. Two come to mind, a 32-year-old BBC presenter Kristian Digby died in December 2010 from a sex game that went wrong. He accidentally suffocated himself while attempting to achieve a fetish known as an ‘auto-erotic asphyxiation’ (AeA a bondage sex game consisting of partial, or total wrapping in cling film ‘mummification’). Recently, a 47-year-old Alun Williams partook in a similar sex game, where he fully wrapped himself in the same material and suffocated in August 2014. The United States of America estimate that the total death rate due to ‘AeA’ falls between 500 to a 1,000 nationwide per year. Unfortunately, due to the taboo nature, the United Kingdom and North America do not hold actual figures.

Unfortunately, rationality goes out of the window when the sexual drive is all so powerfully active that one does not learn from others demise, and die in vein of similar fetishes. Of recent years, I have noticed various men contact me requesting advice on what fetishes they could attempt. This, of course, is quite a challenging prospect and consideration for me to take on as fetishes are individually founded in preference. Such a preference is driven by sexual arousal, imagination, sexual fantasies, and quite possibly, lack of adventure in everyday life.

If such drives are fundamentally conceived by a lack of adventure in one’s day, when sexual awareness appears limp in all states of carnal consciousness such as: physical arousal, spiritual arousal, and a cognizant arousal. Then, the unconscious will collect material from everyday experience and process it in order to be drawn upon at a later date. Of course, if one becomes aroused within the process of obtaining such material, then there is every chance one will be aroused when processing, however distorted the material might become. It is important to appreciate ones sexual desire (libido) derives from an innate motivational energy that consists of any of the following: predisposition, drive, want, wish, need, sexual attraction, lust, or urge.

There are three factors to consider, ‘Drive’, ‘Motivation’, and ‘Wish’. There are explained herewith: drive equates to the organic/ genetic element, for example, anatomically. Then, motivation, which equates to the psychological element, which when dissected, indicates one’s mental states, for example, their mood, their interactive states when with another, for example, their mutual affection, or dislike with the other, as well as their social circumstance, whether they are within a relationship, or a casual affair. Then finally, the wish, which equates to the cultural element. This, when dissected, would contemplate the individuals’ cultural idealisms, their value system, and conditioned procedures regarding the individuals’outer sexual expression.

To end on an informative note, I have researched the top 15 sexual fetishes, which might span from developing a mask fetish, drinking blood, acting out animalistically as a furry, and to nappy wearing. According to http://www.cbsnews.com (2014), this is the list in no particular order: Agalmatophilia: Mannequin Love, Ursusagalmatophilia: Plushies (furries), Partialism/Gas Pedal Honeys, Salirophilia: I Like It Dirty, Paraphilic Infantilism: Diaper Me, Hybristophilia: Criminal Love, Hematolagnia: Vampire Sex, Mechanophilia: Inspector Gadgets, Claustrophilia: Love of Tight Places, Odaxelagnia: Bite Me, Dacryphilia: Are Those Tears?, Masks: Blindfold Me, Autoandrophilia: Just Pretend I’m a Boy, Acrotomophilia: Amputees, and Somnophilia: Sleeping Beauty.

If this floats your boat, please research, enjoy, and recognise your fetish limitations. After all, sex is for the living and I can guarantee, you will not gain sexual enjoyment after your death.

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January 17, 2015
DO NOT DISTURB: Hypnosis Session in Progress

There appears a mystification regarding what exactly happens in a clinical session when a patient or client meets a psychotherapist or counsellor for counselling psychotherapy for the first time. It is evident to me that patients appear to perceive such sessions as daunting due to the ‘unknown factor’. Of course, this is amplified further when a patient meets a hypnotherapist as hypnosis has mystical associations with science, spiritualism and even the occult. Such perceptions can be incorrectly nourished and completely distorted from the exact psychological therapy process due to social fears, speculation, and lack of knowledge.

I hear you pose the question, how can counselling psychotherapists and hypnotherapists convey to society the accurate perceptions of what takes place within the 50 or 60 minute therapy hour? It is very difficult for therapists alike as both media and society love to feed, mystify, and distort the true crux of psychological (talking) therapy. This self-perpetuates an ever-increasing lack of education that is deep rooted in the social and clinical psyche of perspective clients and patients. Therefore, when I am approached via email, telephone or in person, I attempt to inform them with ease by stripping away their incorrect perceptions and reframe them with accurate and realistic psychology (psycho-education) in relation to their condition(s). Only then, can society begin to learn truth; when one draws on individual experience and build a reputation via word of mouth.

Within the session, after I have delivered the ‘meet, greet, and seat’, I present to my patient a verbal resume of my qualifications, theories, therapeutic experience, and knowledge of my governing bodies. It is fundamental that ethics are upheld, which encompass: confidentiality, therapeutic boundaries, and taking down a case history. This records physical, psychological, and emotional health, and includes medical practitioners contact details. Additionally, the patient will be encouraged to disclose a symptoms history, i.e. historical factors that relate influence and reduce symptoms and the behaviours the patient inadvertently, or purposely acts out in connection to their condition(s). I even take notes regarding the patient’s leisure activities and dreams as this can present the therapist with crucial patient knowledge as can the emotional, physical and psychological aspects of the patient’s ‘self’. Schultz, et al., commented in the (2005, p. 302) of The Journal of Sexual Medicine that a marriage of the mind and body in current classification is epistemology necessary. I would take it one step further and include the spirit.

When commencing actual psychological therapy, I have noticed it can vary depending on the therapist’s training and ethics. Therefore, I can only disclose and comment on my clinical approach. I am an eclectic psychotherapist whereby I utilise a plethora of techniques which I had obtained either from my psychotherapy training or my clinical hypnosis training. Fortunately, some of these techniques are interchangeable between conscious (out of trance) therapy and unconscious (in trance) therapy. The fine line between conscious and subconscious is sometimes indistinct as there are sub-conscious parts of the mind that entertain waking-hypnosis, meditation, focusing techniques and prayer, which present themselves in a therapeutic toolbox for a plateau of measureless amounts of modus operandi (abilities, methods, and systematic procedures).

Therefore, depending on the patient’s notes information design, the therapist can explore patterns within the knowledge supplied, and reflect upon them before considering the contraindications of the condition and treatment(s). I personally process much of my patient’s therapeutic treatment plan when I am asleep at night. I am certain; other therapists’ have their own instinctual processing method, which might vary from mine. I tend to place a pencil and piece of paper on my bedside table and if I wake up with some level of awareness regarding a patient and their case, I record it there and then, as by morning time, it will have been wiped from my working memory. Sessions with patients can vary from patient to patient, depending on their complexity and condition. I tend to treat sex and relationship and trauma patients on a more long-term basis, whereas patients who seek treatment on quitting smoking etc. are considered to be short time and will require at most 6 sessions.

I think I have given examples of information on what happens within therapy, which will definitely help to clear any doubts that readers might have on this matter. Readers can always follow me on my websites and blogs if they require more succinct answers to their queries.

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July 21, 2014
Is Hypnosis with Sex, a One Hit Wonder?

Following on from the response from my previous editorial, I have been invited to share my professionalism further by posing the question: How far could one go utilising hypnosis with sexual behaviour? In response, one could go just as far with hypnosis as one could in experimental sex, drawing on positions and techniques. After all, I believe it is widely acknowledged that the brain, or to be precise, the Pituitary Gland aspect of the human brain, although, physically is the diameter of a pea, secretes the endocrine hormone: Melanocyte –stimulating hormone into the wider brain making it the largest sex organ in human nature. Therefore, gentlemen and ladies, there does not need to be any occupation of any anxiety, stress, depression and performance anxiety relating to the size of yours, or your partners penis and its function in the expression of your sexual behaviour? Or does there?

Unfortunately, there has over many thousands of years, especially in western culture, been an emphasis on marking sexual virility, ability, strength in battle and paralleling that within the bed chamber. Thus, culturally speaking, if one is well rehearsed and resilient with a sword, or, in some other masculine roles that displays awe, then he is bound to be the best lover for any woman or man, see Verinis and Roll, (1970, p.126) in their works ‘Primary and Secondary Male Characteristics: The Hairiness and Large Penis Stereotypes’ where they imply a stereotype of men with a larger sized penis was an indication of enhanced masculinity, virility, potency, power and activity, in contrast to men with smaller penises.

Therefore, it does not seem too difficult to conceive the idea that men, who buy into the notion that guys with larger penises are more professionally skilled, have supposed greater sex performances and are perceived to have little anxiety in much of their performances in life. I hear you asking, what of those men who perceive themselves or their partners to have smaller, or below national average for whatever country you happen to belong? The answer is simple; most men with an average sized penis in fact perceive themselves to be much smaller than what they are in reality as they view their penis from above by glancing over their stomachs.

Although, there are some men with small penises, ‘micro penises’, which are few and far between that do exist in all areas of society, western, or, eastern. Wylie and Eardley (2007, p. 1449-1455) presented a very easy table of penis measurements in their academic journal – Penile size and the ‘small penis syndrome’ which is located in the British Journal of Urology International, 99(6), Theory of Medicine. However, unfortunately, the man creates a low self-esteem regarding his penis size, stature, which fluidly umbrellas his perception and ability to perform etc. This anxiety can be inadvertently fulfilled by viewing men with above national average penises in pornography, in a sports gym, or, standing at the urinal in a public lavatory where it can be common place to notice other men’s penis size from a side aspect – viewing the full penis size in reality, not perceived.

The question you are all asking is, how do we treat it and can hypnosis assist in the treatment process? The answer is yes, it is treatable and yes, hypnosis can assist as a fundamental aspect of psychotherapy. There is a 50% chance that sexual dysfunction (i.e. arousal problems, Premature Ejaculation, Satisfaction, Sexual Dysfunction, Erectile Dysfunction etc) is medical or psychological. It is imperative that you contact a medical doctor or psychologist to diagnose you and decide whether your condition is one of the two. Although there is medical and psychological evidence that suggests the two merges into each other: chicken or egg, they would still require to be treated separately. You can then be treated via a psychotherapist who is comfortable or specialised in sex therapy to work through the triggers and issues that are influencing the psychological aspect of the condition – this is where one can utilise hypnosis to place suggestions in the man’s unconscious and re-frame thoughts to influence his behaviours. This is where I often use hypnosis in my private practice, although, it is not often used in the wider health service.

How can hypnotic sex treat poor performance? Hypnosis can enhance sexual performance by him visiting a sex therapist and him learning to relax and be at one with his body (penis specifically). The psychotherapist can teach him to visualise greater sexual performances. Additionally, ego boosting is an excellent way to experience a feel-good factor, and depending on how complex the man’s issues are, there are exceptional analytical approaches to psychotherapy to delve deeper into the unconscious. Such therapy work of delving deeper would be to locate a root cause and effect that influences a lack of sexual confidence, performance anxiety for example. As mentioned in my previous article, ‘Hypnotic Sex’, I explained further about Freud’s analytical therapy. However, to highlight a approach or two, there is free association, hypnosis, and dream analysis.

To understand further of how I perform a therapy session, and how I utilise hypnosis, you can read about a couple of my professional secrets in my next article.

Giles Dee-Shapland

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April 14, 2014
Hypnotic Sex

Hypnosis was brought into the forefront of scientists and societies’ minds when the Austrian born Sigmund Freud, 1836-1939 explored psychoanalytical psychology. Similar to me, Freud had worked with sex and the unconscious for much of his professional life. I have a great deal of respect for Freud and his theories as he is very much misunderstood among the psychological fraternity and society. 21^st century psychological mind-sets forget Freud was born over 100 years ago but his theories were very much beyond his years. He had a troubled childhood, a domineering mother and an emotionally absent father when he was in the household. I believe he most possibly was bisexual in his own sexual orientation but bisexualism and homosexualism was not spoken about when Freud would be exploring his sexuality as an adolescent. Again a similarity to me, Freud explored the psychological aspects of sex and the unconscious to understand his sexuality and sexual practices. It was in fact what got me interested in training and working as a sex therapist and trauma therapist.

Society today, has a lot to thank Freud for as he was the first individual to name aspects of the human unconscious. Some theorists will take Freud’s theories with ‘a pinch of salt’, this is fine as I believe Freud laid his theories on the table and subsequently, we as educated people or society could pick up his ideas, think about them be it strongly and accept it, or, dispose of them and forget them, do with it what we will. The important consideration is he offered us that option by laying his ideas on the table for us to explore them critically. If they are not thought of, or, thought about, there is nothing to consider, we have Freud and his great mind to thank. Without him, we may be in a different place altogether with psychology and may not even have names for the aspects of the unconscious.

‘Hypnosis’ derives from the Greek word, ‘hypnos’ which translates as a word for sleep. It is widely known; sleep is behaviour and is a natural function for animal or human to recover energy resources to continue living and functioning. Additionally, whilst under the behaviour of clinical sleep, clinical hypnotists can make suggestions to a patient to positively recall, or, reframe experiences. Such experiences could possibly be sexual, for instance, to improve, or, replace beliefs and perceptions of painful sex, difficult sexual experiences, sexual dysfunctions and enhancing orgasms. My work entails patients requesting knowledge and confidence in sexual performance, rape recovery, and sexual abuse. Although, my media work is more about how men can improve their sex lives. In western society, there appears plenty of evidence for women to explore their sexual identity, sexual practices and sexual behaviour. Whereas, for men, there is limited evidence, which is what motivated me to hold up the banner for men. Therefore, I analysis sexual behaviour for men, that is men who have sexual experiences with other men, be they, gay, bisexual, straight, or, straight curious. Interestingly, there seems to be an increase in heterosexual men reverting back to ancient Greek sexual philosophy where they enjoy sexual intimacy of another man.

I have experience in men requesting how they can gain multiple orgasms through hypnotic suggestion and perception to heighten their sexual climax. This is done by themselves or, with their partner by learning self-hypnosis techniques and then recalling the best orgasm to date. By this amplification of the sensations felt while mutually masturbating is made stronger. Although, it is wise to speak with a medical doctor to make sure your heart is in good order as it is known that people can experience heart attacks whilst enjoying sex.

There are people who enjoy sexual fetishes of being hypnotised for sexual pleasure; this I must admit is usually men. I have noticed an increase of men around the world who inquire about learning skills of self-hypnosis for shrinking (this is where the hypnotee perceives they have shrunk to maybe the size of an inch). The ideology of this is that the smaller they shrink too, the more sexual pleasure they experience through self or mutual masturbation until they reach sexual climax. The psychology of this is that one partner enjoys being dominated within a sexual experience. A lot of men like to be shrunk (be submissive) so they can perceive themselves being held by their female (dominant) partners. Whilst, on a physical level, the woman would not necessarily experience sexual stimulation herself for the shrinking of her partner, whereas she might on a psychological level due to feeling very powerful. The woman may also masturbate due to enjoying the process of her partner losing power and she gaining his. Although on a psychological level, sexual power and equality is an interesting topic in its own right and does beg the question, whether sexual power is perceived, or, actual.

February 9, 2014