Tag: LGBTQ

God’s Punishing Us: Isn’t He?

In 1995 a momentous event occurred. Pride. Gay Pride, London. This momentous event had happened many times before – to other people – but for me it was my first Gay Pride ever and I will forever remember it. To tell you why I will forever remember it I need to tell you the story….. the story of my first Gay Pride (and there is a reason I am repeating these positive statements)…

I am from a small town in the county of Cheshire in England. Cheshire is nice as it goes with rolling hills and flat fields filled with cattle, sheep and rape: yellow flowers that cover the ground like colourful kisses. The down side of this particular part of Cheshire (which I won’t name) is that they suffer an incurable condition called ‘Small Town Mentality’. I was beaten up on a regular basis by the local schoolyard bullies and terrified yobs taking their own internalised homophobia out on me, a camp-as-tits-faggot (I can use that term – I am one). It was a hell-hole for a sexually confused gay guy who didn’t really know fully that he was gay.

And when I say ‘he’ I of course mean me. Anyhows….

Fast forward from the schoolyard and into my 21^st year on planet gay. I was still living in the small town in Cheshire but regularly travelled to Liverpool, Manchester and London. The morning of Gay Pride 1995 arrived and as my friends and I travelled on the train from a suburb of London into the main stations on the tube line something started to happen. The tube and the stations started to fill with people that I can only describe as – Homos. Everyone, it seemed, were as ‘bent as a three bob note’ as my Gran used to say. I started to feel like I belonged. The commuters seemed unfazed by this chorus of ‘We’re here, we’re queer, get used to it! … We’re here, we’re queer, get over it!’ and I started to cry. I sit in between my two female friends, Sandra and Stephanie, and with all three of us being from this small town in Cheshire, we become overwhelmed by this, this, this – love.

Love on the underground. Love and acceptance on the tube. Love and respect in London. In London, at Gay Pride, in 1995 – love.

I can’t tell you enough or scream it in sufficient decibels to let you know that on that day, in that hour and during that minute just sitting on the tube – just how loved I felt. Loved by gays parading up and down the tube car blowing their whistles and flouncing their feather boas. The lesbians chanting ‘We love Pride!’, the Trannies pouting and the commuters, well, being commuters. A surreal culture shock as the train took us at break-neck speed from small town mentality to how life was supposed to be.

Then something happened.

As we disembarked the train and joined the thousands of revellers on the steep stairways that led up to street level, this immense feeling within was indescribable. It grew beyond my body and showed me how life is when you are loved and respected. We climbed the steps and entered the party at I think King’s Cross tube station. My friends and I stood aside the crowds for a while, three frightened fishes out of suburbia, catching our breath.

And then it rained.

As the rain hit my face I could see, simultaneously the light and colour of the gay parade that was all around us by this point and the grey sky above that threw the tears of God to Earth.

My first thought was:

‘God’s punishing us’.

I want you to really feel that: God is punishing us.

This happened twenty years ago and I am crying recalling this now. The tears drip from my cheeks and onto the keyboard as I re-connect with those feelings – That God hates us. Does He?

Do you see how strong this conditioning is? Can you relate to just how intense ‘internalised homophobia’ can be and how long it can last for? Let me flip that on its head…. I’m good at that:

God is NOT punishing us. God is NOT punishing you, dear reader, dearest friend:

GOD LOVES YOU (whoever you are and however you imagine God/Divine/Higher Being to be).

Why, for the love of God – was my first thought ‘God’s punishing us’ when it began to rain, quite literally, on the parade? I will tell you why:

Because I was raised in a very strict Church of England household and I was taught, repeatedly over the years – that being Gay is BAD.

This process of repeated learning (I just made a phrase up, roll with it) can have devastating results.

Another word for ‘repeated learning’ is – Brainwashing. A further word is: Conditioning. You can make it a two word special if you like – Conditioned Bullshit.

How deeply saddening that this delicate 21 year old after finally discovering his community, his true identity – had to be cruelly ripped from the hands of his saviours (Gay Pride) and torn to shreds by his Saviour (God).

Of course this is not the case, not at all. God loves everyone – everyone. It really is as simple as that and I am not even going to commit another word to it except to say…

For every negative thought you have about yourself – whether it be related to Religion or not (and if it’s negative it will probably be connected to your Religious conditioning in some way…) – I want you to do this for me:

Say TEN positive things about yourself.

Do it. Do it now: ‘I am a human being of dignity and worth’ ‘I love who I am’ ‘I am worthy’ ‘I am visible’ ‘I matter’ ‘I exist’ ‘I love therefore I am’ ‘I am special’ … ‘#EnterYourFabulousStatementHere#’ ‘#KeepGoingUntilYouReachTEN!#’

My God people, my dear dear readers and you lovely poofs, dykes, Trannies, faggots and everyone in-between – I Love you. So Much. I hope you can feel it.

Matt xXx

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April 5, 2015
Gay and Religion: They don’t want to speak with me

According to Strommen (1989) there are two common reactions that parents feel when they find out that their child is gay. The first is that, since most parents are unfamiliar with homosexuality, they have negative perception of it. And the second is the feeling that they as parents has failed with their child’s education.

These two reactions cause parents to feel embarrassed over their child’s sexuality. Rothman and Weinstein (1996) said that when a family member comes out (of any kind) there are a multitude of responses. Take for example, the announcement of an engagement of a heterosexual person. This is usually met with a joyous response, a ritual party and many gifts. The lesbian and gay man does not receive this response. Instead, the coming out announcement is often met with negative responses which can range from mild disapproval to complete non-acceptance and disassociation. These responses, though usually excepted, cause considerable stress and pain for the lesbian and gay person that is seeking parental approval.

The Rejection

The rejection has a greater impact when it occurs in families with strong religious convictions. Blumenfeld and Raymond (1988) argued that families with strong religious convictions often support their own views of religion even if its against a family member. Some gays who have a family background with strong religious convictions would normally not come out to the family as they fear that a confession will be used like a boomerang; weapon that will swing back to hurt them. Thus the real threat for lesbians and gays is from their family as the rejection has a great influence over their behavioral and psychological state. The family, in fact, is the most repressive institution in running cultural values of the gender belief system; the stereotyping system of the roles of gender.

“They don’t want to speak with me”

“… (Crying in front of me) … My parents didn’t want to have a gay child so they stop our relationship. But I still in contact with my sisters. I love them … love very much … I send them some euros and asking them about the condition of my parents. … they don’t want to speak with me … One day, one of my sister want to send me some money, but I said « no », I am their brother, so it is my responsibility to take care of them. I have four sisters … One of them act like my parents. She is fanatic with Islam … I want to talk with her, but it’s impossible … (Crying) … I miss them …’’ (I, 40 years old)

The story began when his parents passed away 7 years ago. Even until then, his parents still did not accept that he is gay. A few days after his parents had passed away, he came out to his four little sisters but one of them (the youngest one) did not accept him as a gay. Until now the youngest does not want to admit that she has a gay brother. The family has a strong religious background: his father worked in an Islamic institution and his mother is a typical Indonesian housewife. They have perform pilgrimage many times. They sent their children to Islamic school and all their daughters wear the hijab. Even though he studied in an Islamic school, his thinking was quite liberal. He told me that being gay is not anyone’s fault. No one who wants to be born as a gay he says.

He is one of my respondent for my PhD research. He had to learn to deal and negotiate his life with his gay identity and at the same time come to terms with his religion and respecting his family Islamic ideology. Living with a religious family, in this case a very conservative Muslim family, was very hard. He was forced to affirm his parent’s request to terminate their relationship of parent and child. He sacrifices his life and moved abroad. However, he still does not know if he could accept his parents request to be conservative Islam follower.

This makes me reflect on how lucky I am as I have three sisters who is still willing to acknowledge me as a brother. I feel devastated that he is gay and have to struggle with religion and societal norms. Being gay, for him, is not wrong but this is not necessarily true for others.

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April 5, 2015
10 Things to do to get ready for SongKran9 Pool Party

SongKran9 Pool Party is one of the craziest party in town. It is one of first circuit parties to sell out, so if you do not have a ticket by now, try your luck next year. For those lucky few, the excitement is just around the corner and it is time to pack. To make sure that you are ready for the pool party, we have come up with a list to help you get ready for the event.

1. Sunblock

One of the hottest pool party in town is happening during one of the hottest time of the year, so sunblock is essential. Banana boat and Nieve sunblocks are very common and can be found in the many Watson and Boots located in every corner of Bangkok. For those that do not have check- in luggage when traveling to the city, you can easily get one for as cheap as 500thb. Remember: we want to get wet, not burnt.

2. What to Wear

Packing is really troublesome when you do not know what to wear. This is especially true when it is your first trip to Bangkok. My suggestion is to pack light. Bring tank tops and shorts as it is very hot in Thailand during this time of the year. You don’t need to bring too much as I’m sure you will do a lot of shopping there. As for footwear, I usually just wear slippers/flip flops in the day. However, when I go to the clubs at night, I prefer to wear shoes. Bring shoes you do not mind getting dirty as clubbing in Bangkok can be pretty wild. Also remember that it is Song Kran the water festival and you will definitely get wet just walking down the streets. So just mentality prepare yourself.

3. Swimwear

Well, it is a pool party so swimwear should have its own point. Finding the right swimwear in terms of the perfect fit or design can be a hassle. Personally, I feel that most swimwear in the market can be pretty conservative in terms of design and colour. Recently, a friend introduce me to the brand CA-RIO-CA. I feel that their designs are pretty slick and the cutting accentuate one’s assets. They have a range of cuts from traditional to bikini and a range of colours and patterns; both exciting and conservative. If nothing else suits your taste, just check out their site for hot Latino men in their sexy trunks.

4. To wax or not to wax

This is a very good question and I guess this is a matter of preference. I usually prefer guys who are natural. However, trimming is important as usually long hair tends to be unkempt. I’m not into shaving as it makes the skin prickle and itchy. As for waxing, I will give the same advice my beautician gives me: do it a week or two before your trip so that your skin is not so raw and make sure you exfoliate to prevent ingrown hairs.

5. The Music

What really gets me pumped up for a trip is listening to music leading up to the event. Be it Kylie Minogue or Lady Gaga, a good club mix really is essential. Thanks to soundcloud, we get to sample the music dished out by the four DJs prior to the pool party (do check out the below links)For the Big Wash party, the line-up is have DJ Spectrum K who is from Thailand but regularly tours Asia (from Beijing to Tokyo to Kuala Lumpur) and DJ Javy who is the resident DJ of Icon Angel Shanghai. For the Wash party, the line-up is DJ Jay Santos who is from Manila and current based in San Francisco and also Thai DJ Preeda Tony who spins in both Bangkok and Singapore. The line-up is a great blend of seasoned Asian DJs.

6. Getting around

Since the pool party is sold out, you will expect a huge turnout. It is important to be early for the party and getting around in Bangkok can be a problem due to heavy traffic. So my preferred mode of transport is always the BTS or the MRT. If you are heading out to the Big Wash party at Radisson Blu Plaza Bangkok Hotel, you can take the BTS to Asoke station or the MRT to Sukhumvit, followed by a 5 mins walk over to the hotel. It’s along the BTS tracks heading towards Phrom Phong BTS. For those who are more familiar with landmarks, it’s just off Terminal 21 Shopping Mall. As for the Wash party at Sofitel So Bangkok, it’s just off Si Lom which is where a lot of PLUs usually stay during trips to Bangkok. So it should be walking distance for most. If you are not staying in the area, then the nearest train station is Lumphini MRT.

7. Security

You can never be too safe when traveling overseas. This is especially at a party when we simply want to let our hair down and not worry about losing your things. We want to mingle and meet new people, have a splash of a time and not worry about your belongings. Luckily, SongKran9 pool parties have a coat check where you can leave your bags. Personally I would carry light, bring just the important stuff wallet, handphone and a light change of clothes. I would also share a common bag with my friends for our belonging and place it with the coat check.

8. Eating

Both the restaurants and street food in Thailand are awesome. Chances are that when you get there, you will not be able to stop eating, but pace yourself. However, do keep in mind that just like going for a swim, make sure you do not eat too heavy before going to the party. In addition, do not go with an empty stomach if you intend to have alcohol at the party. Since the party begins at 1pm, I would have a brunch at about 11am. I feel that this is enough to sustain myself until the end.

9. Firming up

Time to firm up. Well this is slightly different then toning up. Being tone is about hitting the gym to do weights to get the muscles nice and lean. Who does not like a muscular body? However, from my experience, just because your body bigger does not mean it’s less attractive. As a men would like to touch anything firm. Anything firm … From a strong grip to a beer belly, anything can just be as sexy if it’s firm to the touch—makes you feel safe and feel protected. And who doesn’t like a strong man?

10. Let’s get topless

The previous point is does sound a bit controversial. However, I hope I can drive home the point with this stand. Let’s put an end to body shaming and a pool party is a perfect place to begin. For those who are still body conscious, start by walking around at home topless. And for those who are still in winter, make a trip to an onsen. The point is to get yourself mentality prepared to go topless for the Songkran9’s pool party. I still remember the first time I went topless in a club in Bangkok: My friends and I were so reluctant to take out tops off. However, everyone in the club was topless and having fun, so we threw inhibitions aside and finally did it. It was liberating.

Check out the DJ’s who will be at Songkran9 this year: http://simplysxy.com/articles/2015/03/21/the-gay-asian-djs/

https://soundcloud.com/dj-spectrum-k

https://soundcloud.com/djpreedatony

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April 2, 2015
Mainland China, Family and Marriage (Mock Up)

Marriage is an established institution pervasive in every culture, not even barring Chinese one. Tracking down its history, I notice that Confucianism plays a crucial role in influencing marriage choices, which leads to a focus of the social unit “family”. One may also have heard the proverb jia-he-wan-shi-xing (家和万事兴). It reads: a harmonious family results in success in everything. This core value that derives from Confucianism is dominant in Chinese culture including marriage. Alluding to the word “marriage”, I would like to explicate singly into heterosexual and homosexual cases, along with a brief background of heteronormative marriage in Chinese culture at the beginning.

Historically, marriage is based on heteronormativity; that is, the basic institution of man and woman. The representation of Confucianism, in the philosophy Yin-Yang (阴阳), validates this conceptualization. Yin (阴)represents woman/femininity; Yang (阳)man/masculinity. In today’s Chinese society, when a man or a woman comes of age, marriage symbolizes success in one’s life. The proverb cheng-jia-li-ye (成家立业), which means “ marry and have a secure career”, substantiates this value. What is interesting, there are some crucial elements to actually manipulate such a marriage. It can also be said, children themselves have no one hundred percent freedom; some cultural values often intervene.

The Chinese family prioritizes harmony. The word “harmony” in this context designates “filial piety”. It is always the parents who are most influential in the partner-choosing process. Li (2013:71) noted, children’s marriage is part of the parents’ life as well. I further observed parents always prioritize well-to-do prospective spouses. It does not really come as a surprise. Li affirmed, first comes money and then love (72). This phenomenon is considered a normal case to every single socio-economic landscape. Capitalism has been transforming our universal social values to focus on wealth. With regards to marriage, the spouse-to-be would be considered as a materialistic object. Love then remains marginalized as such.

As for homosexual cases in marriage, there is not much difference between the social factors of “money” and “parental force”. The difference is the fact that in Chinese society, regardless of sexuality, children are expected to marry and have heteronormative marriages. In this case, parental force is significantly authoritative. As known, a substantial number of gay couples seek co-operative marriages and many decide to leave their hometown and their family to live on their own home with their same-sex partner(s). It is, nevertheless, not all pessimistic. Some parents, albeit still minority of the Chinese families, celebrate sexual diversity of gay children as seen in the documentary film “Mama Rainbow” (dir. Fan Popo, 2012).

All in all, mechanism of marriage and family in mainland China is too deep into the Sino-philosophical principle “Confucianism”, for preference philosophy Yin-Yang. This core value is driven by capitalism, leading the culture into the materialistic juncture. While both“Confucianism” and “capitalism” are promoted by the government, the Chinese Communist Party. As Jackoben (2002) noted, “family values may be emphasized by states as a response to the perceived determining of family structure by capitalism”.

I may end this issue here and next issue will be of more clarification of the ways in which the CCP have been manipulating the said factors. Happy reading!!! 🙂

List of References

Jacobean, Janet (2002) “Can Homosexuals End Western Civilization as We Know? Queer Globalization: Citizenship and the Afterlife of Colonialism. Arnaldo Cruz-Malate and Martin F.Manalansan IV.eds. 49-70 New York and London:New York University Press.

Li, Yinhe (2013) “Money or Love Comes First?” Li Yinhe: My Social Investigation. Beijing: Zhonghuagongshang Press, 71-72.

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March 30, 2015
Does Circumcision Cut Penis Sensitivity?

Circumcision — it’s one of the most hotly debated sexual health issues in the medical community. In part that’s because in this country, and other developed countries, there isn’t any clear benefit to circumcise or not to circumcise, says Karen Boyle, M.D., director of male reproductive medicine and surgery at Chesapeake Urology Associates in Baltimore.

Intact men enjoy four times more penile sensitivity than circumcised men, according to the “Fine-touch Pressure Thresholds in the Adult Penis” article published today in the British Journal of Urology International. The study was conducted to map fine-touch pressure thresholds of the adult penis in circumcised and uncircumcised males to compare the two populations.

Researchers measured fine-touch sensitivity of the penis at 17 specific sites on the intact (non-circumcised) penis and the remaining 9 sites plus two scar sites on the circumcised penis. The results surprised the research team, according to Morris Sorrells, MD, lead researcher, who said, “The most sensitive part of the penis is the preputial opening. The results confirmed that the frenulum and ridged band of the inner foreskin are highly erogenous structures that are routinely removed by circumcision, leaving the penis with one-fourth the fine-touch sensitivity it originally possessed.” Five sites on the penis-all regularly removed by circumcision-are more sensitive than the most sensitive site remaining on the circumcised penis. Researcher pediatrician and statistician Robert Van Howe said, “Oddly, the most sensitive site on the circumcised penis is the circumcision scar itself.”

This was in fact reported by a Michigan State University study, that found that the most sensitive part of a circumcised guy’s penis is his circumcision scar. A possible explanation: After circumcision, “the penis has to protect itself—like growing a callus on your foot, but to a lesser extent,” says Darius Paduch, M.D., Ph.D., a urologist and male sexual medicine specialist at New York-Presbyterian/Weill Cornell Medical Center. This means nerve endings are further from the surface—and therefore, may be less responsive.

Circumcised men prefer it rough – The study has received international attention. Politicians from California, for example, have been in contact with the researchers because they want to ban circumcision in their federal state.

There appears to be a very simple reason why circumcised men and their partners are having problems with their sex lives. The circumcised man develops a thin layer of hard skin on his penis head, which decreases the sensitivity. This means that in order to reach an orgasm, he needs to work harder at it, and that can lead to a painful experience for their partner.

Previous studies documented that circumcised penises are shorter; now researchers have compared and found them lacking in sensitivity, too. From their findings, researchers of this study conclude that circumcision ablates the most sensitive parts of the penis. These findings come several decades after Masters & Johnson said there is no sensitivity difference in a circumcised and a non-circumcised penis. Now their questionable findings have been disproved and the results of this study provide additional evidence about the importance of preserving the protective, sensitive foreskin.

It’s worth mentioning that women with circumcised partners are three times more likely to experience sexual pain than ladies with uncircumcised spouses, the study from Denmark found. “The uncircumcised penis is much glossier, a more velvety feel,” says Paduch. “So for women who aren’t lubricating well, they experience much less discomfort having sex with a guy who is uncircumcised.” He adds that guys who have their foreskin intact require lubricant far less frequently during sex and masturbation, since the skin of their penis in naturally slicker.

This article has been republished with permission from Deepak.

Please visit Deepak’s website to view the original post and more of Deepak’s works.

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March 30, 2015
My First Daunting Time to a Gay Sauna Alone

Recounting my first visit to a gay sauna alone and ending up in a bar.

About 3 months ago, I took a train and returned to a capital city I previously lived in. While I was living there, I was still heavily in the closet and in denial. I used to walk past the gay venues from a distance and would curiously turn my head.

So being back and alone on familiar ground this time months after my conversation with R and my first gay bar, I decided to take the opportunity and spend it as an anonymous gay tourist in order to open up myself even more and see where it leads me. Although the risk of running into people I know in this city is fairly high, but somehow rather the urge to throw myself out of my comfort zone is much higher as my personal development takes priority at this moment.

Hence, in the spirit of progress and “making an effort”, I did some research and decided to visit a gay sauna this time. All of the exact emotions, thoughts and anxiety from my first visit to a gaybar last year came rushing back, except that this time it would require triple the amount of courage along with the fear of rejection and being stupid. Again I was nervous and in order to take the pressure off, I told myself that I was not me. I’m a nobody and I’m anonymous.

Arriving at the reception, I kept cool, acted like I’ve done this before, paid the entrance fee and went in. The locker room was the easiest part as I took my time to strip down to just a towel around my waist before leaving the neutral zone. The sauna was indeed very spacious as it had everything, from a huge jacuzzi to seating areas and secluded cubicles for “activities”.Not knowing how to begin, I started by wandering around the complex while observing my surroundings in order to learn about the practicalities of cruising. Throughout the whole time, I felt extremely anxious and awkwardly out of place. But I wasn’t going to let my insecurities ruin my plan. Therefore even if nothing was ever going to happen, at least I’ll know I made an effort by exploring my possibilities in a gay sauna.

Walking around, I was actually very surprised to find a much older crowd which wasn’t at all my expectation nor very exciting. In fact, it was awkward. After much hanging about, I started chatting to the only young guy in his 30s, whom after some conversational warm up, thought he might help a clueless guy out (even after my failed attempt to cruise him).

He asked:
“So what are you doing here? What are you looking for, what do you like?”

Me:
“Erm, I don’t know. It’s actually my first time here, I have no idea!”

He:
“Do you like older men? Younger guys? What are you looking for?”

Me: [smiling]
“Hmm… I don’t know! But I like guys like you!”

He: [smiles]
“Then what are you doing here? This is not the best place to be.”
“Look, you’re really young. Go! Go have an ad-ven-ture!”
“I know if I were in your shoes, I would.”
“Here, check out this map…” (With some free brochures and publications in the seating area, he pointed me to places I should be going.)

He: [smiling]
“So now you’ve got your map, you’ve got your places… Go!”
“Go have an adventure!”
“And I’m gonna leave you now to go wander around for a bit. You take care now!”

Then came a moment while looking at them, I was drenched by a tide of emotions as I felt sad about my own struggles and how things were not going well on my side despite me trying to make an effort. It was a moment of vulnerability as I almost teared up with the urge to talk and open up about all that I’m going through. At that moment, I didn’t see them as strangers who happen to be at a bar, but rather like-minded guys who would understand me. However, it seems like advanced gay guys are so comfortably confident with themselves nowadays that they no longer remember what it feels like to be diffident, inadequate and inexperienced in the past.

A friend of mine once told me to understand that these guys are probably done with whatever struggles they previously had and are now way ahead from the early stages of self-discovery and assimilation into gay life. Hence even if they might be able to relate or sympathise with all that I’m going through, all forms of expectation should now be thrown away because it’s not their job to “hold my hand”, even at moments of vulnerability. Nevertheless after an enjoyable evening, we exchanged contacts as the night ended with me feeling more positive about myself and gaining a bit more confidence as I planned my visit to another gay sauna the next day.

This article has been republished with permission from M. Visit M’s website to read more of his works.

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March 25, 2015
The Gay Asian DJs

When you are dancing your heart out in the club, how aware are you of the DJ up there? I find myself saying “Oh, I like this DJ” or “I don’t like this DJ”. Who are these people behind the music? Does local DJs have what it takes to hold a global audience when masked behind a westernized beat? In the upcoming SongKran9 circuit party, we have three DJs who are all more than well qualified to be opening DJs: DJ Louis T from Malaysia for Wicked party, DJ Head from Hong Kong for Neon party and DJ Spectrum K from Thailand for Pharaoh party. SimplySxy takes the time out to get to know them better.

SimplySxy: When did you start DJing—and what or who were your early passions and influences?

DJ Louis T: I think probably 10 years ago and during that time, my influences were Danny Tenaglia, Peter Rauhofer, Victor Calderone and DJ Paulo too. I was in love with progressive house and tribal music. The tribal sound back in those days was different than current one.
DJ Head: I started DJing 6 years ago, and I attribute my early motivation to a dear friend and mentor, Mr. Tony Moran.
DJ Spectrum K: I love music at a very young age and have collected a lot of CDs. From CDs and music, I learn to speak English.

SimplySxy: What do you personally consider to be the incisive moments in your artistic career?

DJ Louis T: There are a few moments. The first of cause is the moment when I saw how my music brought joy to people, that always makes me smile. I will start to take pictures and videos to capture those moments. Secondly, whenever I am hired for a big party or gigs like Mardigras 2012 in Sydney Australia and even my first SongKran party in Bangkok. During these parties when I see people enjoying themselves, it makes me jump up and down with them as well.
DJ Head: The publication of my first compilation by NERVOUS RECORDS.
DJ Spectrum K: In every (artistic) process there is an incisive moment. When you get the feeling that everything seems to make sense that is an incisive moment. Like when I look forward to go to work, feeling happy about my work and seeing a happy audience. It reminds me that my career in the music business is the right one.

SimplySxy: What are the main challenges as a DJ and producing your own music?

DJ Louis T: My main challenge is to manage my time between DJing, making music and my day job. I often exhausted flying around, come back and start work the next day. But when I am on my deck doing my stuff, everything else stop. I am totally focused and push all other worries aside. The music energizes me and I am not tired. I just want to play good music to the crowd. Plus the crowds keep me going the whole night.
DJ Head: My main challenge is to maintain a good balance of giving the crowd what they want and what I would like them to hear. Producing music is like cooking a meal, no matter how good your food is, your ultimate satisfaction comes from sharing.
DJ Spectrum K: My main challenges as a DJ is to know how to please my audience without changing my style. I would like to produce my own music if I find the time and the right moment. At this point, I am just happy to see my happy audience dancing with me rather than lock myself alone and do music.

SimplySxy: Do you believe in the possibility of “reading an audience”—and how do you put it into practice? Is the relationship with the GoGo dancers a collaborative one or a battle?

DJ Louis T: It is important to read the audience and play what makes them happy but it is also important to make sure you stay within your style and to play a set that you yourself enjoy. I always believe if I myself do not enjoy the music, then the set sucks. With the GoGo dancers, we need to have connection and communication. It is important too to play the right sexy beat so they can do their best to make the night great. It is never a battle, it is a collaboration. Usually we talked about this before the night, and I am a friend to most of them. I love them.
DJ Head: Reading the audience is necessary, which is why you want a live set. As for GoGo dancers, it really depends on the production. I work with organizers to make sure that the performances would enhance the set but if say, the timing, frequency or lighting etc. is off then it could be distracting to say the least.
DJ Spectrum K: All this should come naturally when you are in the club, you can see people how they react. The main focus is the body language whether people are happy, dancing and enjoying. All this will show on their face. As for GoGo boys, it is mostly collaborative but sometimes, a GoGo show changes its mood when they want to perform other types of music or the show is running too long. That makes the audience lose their rhythm and the DJ has to restart the uplifting mood again, unless the GoGo dancers are the professional ones who are able to dance hand in hand with the DJ music style.

SimplySxy: How much, do you feel, is the club experience shaped by cultural differences? Do you, when travelling, take these cultural differences into consideration when DJing?

DJ Louis T: There will be cultural differences in different countries of course. I often find the Asians love their vocals and tribal, not much After Hour. In the West, lesser vocals, more After Hour, stronger tribal and they love to be teased (in music form). Traveling helps me to experiment new styles that fit these cultures but I often try to stick back to my style as much as possible.
DJ Head: Cultural differences are not as big as one may think in this subject, although I do get inspired by different cultures in different cities and also at different times.
DJ Spectrum K: When I get asked by friends “Where are you travelling next?” and I may say Seoul, or Guangzhou “China” (to name a couple). Their replies are always “Wow, do they have a scene?” or “Do they have clubs?” or “How do they know about dance music?”, or the best one is “Do they dance differently?” It’s funny because people learn and change. At first, Guangzhou’s side seems quiet and people don’t know how to dance but eventually, they learn and start to appreciate the music. With the social media, no city is left far behind for long. You can always find people who know how to party and appreciate good music in each city. So yeah, culturally speaking, festivals and clubs worldwide are slightly different. Some are more vocal than the others (yelling, screaming, enthusiasm) or they might allow smoking or not, or drinking or not, or age limits on entry. But this is everywhere, and I don’t see it so much as a cultural thing. Living and working in Bangkok allows me to try different things and being able to stay in touch with social media lets me get the latest music information. Due to the social media, almost everywhere is the same. Everyone knows each other so there is no great difference where you spin or work with different crowds.

SimplySxy: How or what do you feel is the difference between DJs from Europe and USA as compared to Asian DJs or yourself. What edge do you feel that Asian DJs might have?

DJ Louis T: In my opinion, Asian DJs are very adaptable to different genres of music. Europe and USA DJs are very loyal to their roots and style. Asian DJs are also experimental.
DJ Head: The circuit scene is dominated by music from USA and Europe so an Asian DJ does not really have so much an edge other than his fan base.
DJ Spectrum K: Most Europe and USA DJs are well appreciated and respected compared to Asian DJ or maybe Thai DJ. I guess it’s the branding and how they market themselves. Most people will think that since the DJ is from overseas, he/she has got to be famous or popular. It is sad that Asian people don’t really support their own local DJs. Although I might not as popular as other European, American DJs, I do have fans who do appreciate me and I do consider myself blessed.

SimplySxy: Since this article is for Simplysxy, what is your definition of Sexy?

DJ Louis T: On people? Charisma, communication and talent. On music? A Sexy bass line.
DJ Head: Profundity is sexy as I believe the art of seduction lies in enticing the object to further exploration.
DJ Spectrum K: Everyone has a different definition of sexy but my sexy is all about good attitude and letting yourself go and have fun, stop being uptight, let your hair down, be humble and be nice. Leave the attitude behind when you are in the dance floor and that is what I called “sexy”.

Check out our next Songkran9 article on the 10 Things you need to get ready for the Songkran9 Pool Party!

https://soundcloud.com/dj-louist

https://soundcloud.com/dj-spectrum-k

Image courtesy of gCircuit
Have an amazing experience or tips you like to share on SimplySxy? Drop us an email at editorial@SimplySxy.com!

March 21, 2015
What’s in a Gay?

Once upon a loneliness I decided to try something different in order to distract myself from that feeling inside. ‘That’ feeling I had incorrectly identified as loneliness. I have discussed loneliness here on SimplySxy before so I won’t go into it again, I will just reiterate that sometimes loneliness is what it is – and we must address this feeling and make changes in our lives (and in ourselves) that result in us feeling more ‘together’ as individuals and as couples/friends/whatever … and sometimes this ‘loneliness’ isn’t loneliness at all. It’s an itch that we need to scratch. An intuitive sense that something deep within is yet to be satisfied and explored…

Do you know what heterosexism is? Heterosexism is where society, the media, magazines and mass belief conditions you into assuming that everyone is heterosexual. This results in the gay and bisexual man or woman, often, becoming confused because everywhere they look they are surrounded by images and stories that depict what is ‘normal’.

The gay man or woman is being exposed to this mass media depicting white, heterosexuals often with a baby selling everything from holidays to shaving foam. Think about it. Think about looking at an advertisement, a magazine, a movie and thinking ‘where am I in all this?’

How does it feel?

It is all too common for this heterosexism to result in the gay man or woman (especially when they are younger) to start thinking: ‘There’s something wrong with me’ and ‘Where do I fit in?’. It’s almost as if you are invisible because your sexual preference is invisible.

Now…..

I am going to flip that entirely on its head:

The same applies if you identify as gay and yet you have this heterosexual itch you have yet to scratch. In your gay world of gay magazines, gay movies, gay scene – gay gay gay – there is no room for you to suddenly decide that you want to taste pussy.

Well fuck that – I did taste pussy, last year, and very nice it was too. Allow me to elaborate…

The last thing that a gay man would do is eat pussy. Just as the last thing a straight man would do is suck dick. Either preference might dabble on the other side of the fence by fondling, mutual masturbation or voyeurism but in the main – the oral act is the least attractive when talking about performing this on the opposite gender you usually perform it on. So the moral of the story is, although I predominantly would describe myself as ‘a gay man’ – I’m clearly not, by definition.

So: what’s in a gay? A human being. It really is as simple as that and last year a lady booked an appointment with me (I’m a Sex Worker) and it was a queer (pun intended) turn of events because my website is clearly aimed at men and I promote myself as a ‘Gay Escort’ and ‘Gay Masseur’ so why would a woman want to book? She liked my picture, loved the fact that I am also nurse trained and called me to ask if I would make an exception. It seemed fate was giving me a nudge.

I pride myself on being as honest as I can be so told the lady that I was very inexperienced with women but would give it a go. I told her that I couldn’t promise bringing her to orgasm (because I had no idea how to do it), that it would kinda be an experiment and that I obviously would charge her less than the advertised price. I couldn’t say fairer than that.

Later that day…. the female client is on the massage couch, legs akimbo with my face happily buried in her beauty…. my internal thought process went literally like this…

‘Oh! It self-lubricates… wow it tastes so sweet…. hmmm: well I can’t be gay!’. Period.

There are two sides to every coin and here endeth the lesson in ‘What’s in a gay?’ but you can easily apply it to yourself if you’re straight. Does it really matter that we have itches to scratch and how can we work with our own needs to make this happen? How can we step aside from the heterosexism of the mainstream and the homosexism of the sub culture to just, well, be ourselves?

Answers on a postcard….

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March 16, 2015
How to ask about HIV status properly?

As a young gay man growing up in the wake of AIDS-related terrors, I was educated on the importance of practicing safe sex and knowing your status early on in my life. While the world has focused relentlessly on promoting sexual education, not much efforts has been put into teaching people how to ask about their partners’ HIV status properly. In some parts of the world, talking about HIV status is even considered a taboo. The question of how to strike the balance between protecting yourself and avoiding to offend others remains in many people’s minds.

I have had the luxury of dealing with this question in two completely different cultural settings. Growing up in Taiwan, I never had the opportunity and access to learn about HIV until I became sexually active. After a few disastrous sexual experiences, I finally forced myself to actively search relevant information online. I can still recall the amount of pressure and fear in my mind during the process of learning all about HIV. It was especially tormenting when I waited for my HIV results, because I knew how society would judge me if the results turned out positive. After I slowly got used to dealing with the pressure, I became more aware of how the fear of being denied by society prevents many sexually active people from learning about their status. This negative effect also contributes to the general reluctance of asking about their partners’ status.

Additionally, the cultural practice of not asking about people’s private matters further increases the awkwardness surrounding HIV testing. For most Taiwanese, unless you are forced to get tested and absorb more knowledge about sexual practices, the question of their partners’ status may never come to their mind. This not only increases their risk of exposing themselves to HIV unknowingly, but also strengthens the long-existing stigma surrounding HIV. In most cases, Taiwanese people feel offended when asked by others about their HIV status. The unhealthy mentality of HIV status inquiry equals to suspecting their sexual cleanliness remains common among Taiwanese people.

My eye-opening moment came during my days in the United States. Although it wasn’t a surprise that Americans possess a much healthier attitude toward asking about each other’s status, my experiences there do help me a lot in clarifying some questions. Not only was HIV testing widely available, but the relax atmosphere I felt while getting tested also helped me to be more comfortable with it. The open-minded attitude surrounding HIV helps Americans to feel comfortable sharing their status with those who ask about it. Throughout my dating experiences, there was never that awkward moment when we asked each other about our status. Unlike feeling confronted by suspicion in Taiwan, we consider it as a responsibility to both parties’ welfare. The reassurance that comes after learning about your partners’ status helps to ease my way into the romantic part of dating.

So it all comes down to attitude, mindset and social atmosphere when you ask others about their HIV status. An open-minded social atmosphere will help encourage the general public to adopt a healthier attitude to deal with HIV related issues. People are able to maintain a comfortable mindset while dealing with HIV inquiries if the atmosphere around them is encouraging and positive. All in all, it depends on how you choose to deal with HIV related issues, and also, how much you care about maintaining a risk-free sexual life.

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March 13, 2015
‘Queer privilege’ is only a dirty term when you don’t acknowledge your privilege

The title of this article alone is going to result in me receiving harsh criticisms from members of the queer community, because over the last five years or so the term ‘privilege’ has become part of an overarching social justice lexicon that serves to highlight the ways in which people are inherently treated better than others in society. This, in my mind, is unarguable. The fact that heterosexual people have rights that queer people do not is proof that society in structured unequally. The fact that people with disabilities and mental illness sufferers cannot access adequate services belies that same inequality. The fact that people of colour are disproportionately found to be the victims of violence, poverty, substance abuse, and incarceration all show that things are not equal. What we benefit from is called ‘homonormativity’.

The usual response? ‘I’m not at fault for that merely because I’m (insert: white, straight, cisgender, able-bodied, etc.)’. It’s a strange response, because at no point does the concept of privilege, as outlined above, lay blame at the feet of any individual. It puts the onus on society as a whole – that society’s values, and the practices, actions, behaviours that stem from those very entrenched values. Any free-thinking, rationally-minded person cannot equivocate blaming a society with blaming an individual. It would seem to me, not that these respondents actually believe they are the sole cause of privileged oppression but rather, that they – subconsciously – feel guilty or defensive for not doing anything about it. In essence, they are not acknowledging their privilege.

The first step is to acknowledge the privileges we both do and do not hold.

I can see that I’m white. I’m not followed around a department store by the suspicious clerk, brow furrowed. I’m able-bodied. I’m not forced to snake my way around campus in a wheel-chair, avoiding stairwells and looking for elevators. I’m male. I’m not scared, walking through the ill-lit streets surrounding my city at night, of being raped. These are all things that make my life immeasurably easier, just because I was born the way I was.

Similarly, I can see where I don’t have privileges. I’m gay. In my country, I cannot marry, though I’ve seen countless friends from my high school posting lovely pictures of their wedding ceremonies and receptions recently (now that we are all hitting our mid-to-late twenties). I come from a working class family. Other kids got the new gaming console for Christmas, or were not made to ‘grow into’ their school uniform, or were bought a car upon hitting seventeen years old. It seems illogical to say that where you are born on the social ladder doesn’t effect how easy or enjoyable parts of your life are.

The Western, adult gay and lesbian community is very privileged. There I said it (and shall await the influx of emails). As a white, gay, man, I’m pretty sure I’m in a good position to state that. Western homosexuals have hit a point in the zeitgeist where we are fairly insulated from overt forms of discrimination and oppression. We do not receive the death penalty or incarceration for our sexuality; we earn almost comparable wages across a diverse range of industries (not being able to marry or have kids also has the upside of giving us higher disposable incomes and less debt, too); we own houses, run companies, garner fame; we are the subculture that has almost literally taken ownership over the male physique and the quest to perfect it (just as we’re assumed to have contributed the most to the female aesthetic through fashion and design). The mainstream, televised, consumed gay lifestyle includes designer clothes, designer hair, designer teeth, designer stubble, designer abs. Our ‘success stories’ are almost invariably white, able-bodied celebrities (Ru Paul being an exception on the white part). It is an incredibly privileged position to be in – if you conform enough to the cultural expectations of being white, male, able-bodied, or upper-class, then being queer doesn’t get in your way anymore.

However, it would seem, it probably means you are not that queer anymore, either.

I understand the keen need people have for acceptance. I get it. Assimilating into the culture around you serves to protect you from a whole lot of the ill will some elements in society direct at queers. It also has the added bonus (*cough* privilege *cough*) of being much more desirable, in terms of looks, wealth, influence, opportunity, respectability.

The harsh reality is that, just as you cannot conform to being straight, other groups cannot be what they are not. You can be ‘straight-acting’ as much as you want, and society will not see you as a threat to long-held beliefs on sexuality; but femininity will continue to be seen as weak. You can use your whiteness against people on Grindr (“No Asians, Blacks, or Arabs”), but a person of colour cannot erase their race. You can use your income to buy a designer life; working class people cannot trick society into thinking they are upper-class. You can fetishise the perfect body, feeding the gym-junkie obsession; but some physically disabled people will never be able to live up to your standard of beauty. Trans women are hit from all sides – not being seen as a ‘real’ man or woman (whatever that means), being described as ‘mentally ill’, and not being able to afford to transition or receive mental health treatment through disproportionate amounts of poverty and employment discrimination.

These are our privileges. Life is at least a little bit easier for you (and me), for no justifiable reason whatsoever other than the luck of birth. It’s kind of our responsibility to, at a bare minimum, acknowledge that. Once we do, we can get onto the real discussion – what to do about it.

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March 4, 2015