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What’s in a Gay?


What’s in a Gay?

Once upon a loneliness I decided to try something different in order to distract myself from that feeling inside. ‘That’ feeling I had incorrectly identified as loneliness. I have discussed loneliness here on SimplySxy before so I won’t go into it again, I will just reiterate that sometimes loneliness is what it is – and we must address this feeling and make changes in our lives (and in ourselves) that result in us feeling more ‘together’ as individuals and as couples/friends/whatever … and sometimes this ‘loneliness’ isn’t loneliness at all. It’s an itch that we need to scratch. An intuitive sense that something deep within is yet to be satisfied and explored…

Do you know what heterosexism is? Heterosexism is where society, the media, magazines and mass belief conditions you into assuming that everyone is heterosexual. This results in the gay and bisexual man or woman, often, becoming confused because everywhere they look they are surrounded by images and stories that depict what is ‘normal’.

The gay man or woman is being exposed to this mass media depicting white, heterosexuals often with a baby selling everything from holidays to shaving foam. Think about it. Think about looking at an advertisement, a magazine, a movie and thinking ‘where am I in all this?’

How does it feel?

It is all too common for this heterosexism to result in the gay man or woman (especially when they are younger) to start thinking: ‘There’s something wrong with me’ and ‘Where do I fit in?’. It’s almost as if you are invisible because your sexual preference is invisible.


I am going to flip that entirely on its head:

The same applies if you identify as gay and yet you have this heterosexual itch you have yet to scratch. In your gay world of gay magazines, gay movies, gay scene – gay gay gay – there is no room for you to suddenly decide that you want to taste pussy.

Well fuck that – I did taste pussy, last year, and very nice it was too. Allow me to elaborate…

The last thing that a gay man would do is eat pussy. Just as the last thing a straight man would do is suck dick. Either preference might dabble on the other side of the fence by fondling, mutual masturbation or voyeurism but in the main – the oral act is the least attractive when talking about performing this on the opposite gender you usually perform it on. So the moral of the story is, although I predominantly would describe myself as ‘a gay man’ – I’m clearly not, by definition.

So: what’s in a gay? A human being. It really is as simple as that and last year a lady booked an appointment with me (I’m a Sex Worker) and it was a queer (pun intended) turn of events because my website is clearly aimed at men and I promote myself as a ‘Gay Escort’ and ‘Gay Masseur’ so why would a woman want to book? She liked my picture, loved the fact that I am also nurse trained and called me to ask if I would make an exception. It seemed fate was giving me a nudge.

I pride myself on being as honest as I can be so told the lady that I was very inexperienced with women but would give it a go. I told her that I couldn’t promise bringing her to orgasm (because I had no idea how to do it), that it would kinda be an experiment and that I obviously would charge her less than the advertised price. I couldn’t say fairer than that.

Later that day…. the female client is on the massage couch, legs akimbo with my face happily buried in her beauty…. my internal thought process went literally like this…

‘Oh!  It self-lubricates… wow it tastes so sweet…. hmmm: well I can’t be gay!’. Period.

There are two sides to every coin and here endeth the lesson in ‘What’s in a gay?’ but you can easily apply it to yourself if you’re straight. Does it really matter that we have itches to scratch and how can we work with our own needs to make this happen? How can we step aside from the heterosexism of the mainstream and the homosexism of the sub culture to just, well, be ourselves?

Answers on a postcard….

Image courtesy of Shutterstock
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Matt Chase

Matt Chase is a Sex Worker and Writer with professional training in Counselling and Psychotherapy. He is also an ex-nurse and so you can imagine how he makes the business of sex interesting. He believes that Sex Work is a Caring Profession. Matt, who is known as ‘Matt-at-Lotus’ to his clients, specialises in helping men to connect emotionally using touch, kink, breathing exercises and horny adventures. Matt believes passionately that you can make love on a one night stand and encourages men to explore this belief by putting it into practice. He works as a professional Escort, Sex Worker, Sexual Masseur and also writes on Sex and Relationships, Kink, Connecting Emotionally and Mental Health. He blogs at: and can be found at: He is based in Manchester UK and travels internationally.


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