Tag: LGBTQ

4 Sex Tips For Same-Sex Couples

You think you know it all and that’s fine. Yes, when you first started dating, everything was exhilarating, just looking at your boyfriend made you want to rip his clothes off and eat his cake right there. Perhaps there were even times when you couldn’t even control yourself and you would just do it in a bathroom at a friend’s party. However, this ‘hot, heavy, and always ready’ stage, regrettably, always wanes.

Even when gay couples presume they’ve mastered the art of lovemaking, they come to realize that they can always learn new ways of being erotic and sexual with their significant other, leading the relationship to a whole other dimension that was never thought plausible before.

Change Up Locations

Getting your freak on doesn’t always have to take place in the bedroom. Smart same-sex couples are stepping up their game and taking their lovemaking sessions to the restaurants, clubs, outdoors, and even at church. By changing up the usual locations where you lay the hammer, you and your partner adjust the depth of your emotional connection by hitting right at home in a plethora of new, previously unthinkable, ways. Changing up locations isn’t just for the sake of new, exciting, and fun intercourse – different locations can act like that dash of salt you and your partner have been yearning for.

Sleep Naked

Ready to score TONS of health and sex benefits? Sleep naked with your partner. Sleeping in the buff with your partner definitely has its perks and benefits – like getting to snuggle up against their warm body instead of their boring banana pajama set or an overworn-out t-shirt. But that’s not the only benefit of going to bed in your birthday suit. Actually, whether you sleep alone or with your significant other, snoozing with nothing but your skin on can improve both your health and sex life. Ready to look fall asleep faster, enjoy deep sleep, look younger, reduce stress and anxiety, boost your confidence, and have waaay more sex? We bet you are!

Don’t Skip Foreplay

While same-sex couples are sometimes having a quick hot session, it’s important to remember that both partners go through a lot of trouble to ensure they’re ready for action and some salacious slip-and-slide action. Sex is so much more than just penetration – lots of foreplay helps prolong the act of pleasure and elevates both your and your partner’s arousal and desire boundaries. Touch and kiss everywhere to stimulate his entire body with hot kisses in varying pressure, moreover, gently bite here and there (you know where!). Explore each other’s bodies and learn where your erogenous zones are so that both of you are aware of how to stimulate more. Get that cake ready for grand entrance by teasing and stimulating with your fingers, tongue, perhaps a realistic dildo, the tip of your penis, etc. Either way, you are both going to show each other some great time, however, ideally, you’d like to have your partner writhing in ecstasy, begging to be mounted on your piercing pole.

Talk About It

If you are having a hard time talking about sex with your lover(s), you might want to start with non-sexual emotional vulnerability and intimacy. Talk about your fears, your dreams, your insecurities, and your passions that have nothing to do with sex. Doing so will help you realize that vulnerability is a very rewarding and safety-building process. Log some time experiencing just how safe vulnerability can be and how much emotional intimacy it can create. In this context, you will create an exciting climate and will learn to trust the process of healthy vulnerability, which will lead to meaningful talks about sex. Pave the way to talking about sex by being vulnerable in other areas.

Fantasies are a healthy for a relationship, and in addition to that, if you go along with one or all of them, you might find unknown levels of pleasure. You may actually discover that you enjoy getting your booty worked up with a realistic dildo or are aroused by a certain fetish or role play that never crossed your mind before.

Featured image from Shutterstock

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July 1, 2022
What To Know Before Having Sex With Your Trans Partner

My thoughts on sex are that, in general, it usually can be pretty complicated. Personally, I’m more turned on by the idea of foreplay that could last for hours. But, whether we like it or not, it also can define a major part of your life. Thankfully, I’ve manage to be pretty damn good at it.

One Misconception About Having Sex With A Transgender Person

That you may not, or wouldn’t enjoy it.

Communication Is Key

As someone who has had quite a few experiences of a guy telling me that I was the first trans girl that they were with or wanted to be with: while some other people might find that endearing, it pretty much kills any kind of sex drive I may or may not have had at that moment.

My advice would be this: communicate that you are 100% clear with the fact that you know he/she/they are trans, but you’re still down to fuck, suck or whatever else pleases the both of you without actually saying it.

Tips When Having Sex For The First Time

Use some type of protection against STD’s, lube is always a good thing to have, and ask what your partner wants done to them; if what they say isn’t something you wanna do, they’re someone you probably shouldn’t be having sex with.

Spice Things Up & Make It Kinkier!

I went through a pretty slutty phase in my late teens/early twenties, so there are a lot that I have done outside of anything BDSM related or having to do anything that comes out of your body.

I’ve been to a sex club before, and it’s something I wouldn’t mind doing all again in the future.

Aphrodyte – I’m 25, born and raised in New York, picked the name Aphrodyte because I’d like to think of myself as a modern day sex goddess. I’ve been told I give the best head more than once, and I can make myself cum multiple times (meaning more than five) in less than an hour. 😉

Follow Aphrodyte on

Twitter: @xoxaphrodyte

Featured image from Aphrodyte

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February 19, 2021
How To Meet And Mingle With Link-Minded Couples

There is no getting around the fact that the relationship game has completely changed from what it once was. Heck, if you are like most individuals, you can probably remember when it was only socially acceptable for men and women to marry. This is certainly no longer the case at all. While there are still plenty of people out there that do not approve of these actions, there are a number of states where same-sex couples can legally get married. That being said, no relationship is easy, especially not one that some people are not going to approve of.

If you want to get the most out of the relationship while ensuring that it stands the test of time, you are going to need to have fun along the way. Any boring relationship is doomed to fail right from the beginning. You can ensure this doesn’t happen to you by getting acquainted with like-minded couples that you can spend time with.

Consider Wine Tasting

Who doesn’t love a good glass of red or white in the late afternoon? Heck, it doesn’t have to be the afternoon to enjoy a good glass of wine. Any time day or night is a good time for a glass. Well, you are not the only individual that feels this way, and this is why wine tastings make the best meeting location for couples with the same interests. You can tour these wineries, learn about the history, and enjoy some good drinks along the way. With all the wine drinking going on, you will probably have a little buzz going so the edge will be taken off and it will make it even easier to mingle.

Host, Host, And Host

Just because you have lived in an area for 5 to 10 years it doesn’t necessarily mean that you know your neighbors. In fact, do your neighbors know that you are part of the LGBTQ community? If not, you have nothing to be ashamed of and they need to know. They might be part of the community as well. Whatever the situation is, you simply won’t know until you find out. And, there is no better way to find out than by throwing an open house. Get some good treats, some wine, contact the neighbors, and you will likely create life long friends.

Use The Apps

As you should know, there are apps designed specifically for members of the LGBTQ community. With that being said, you should not hesitate to take advantage of these apps. When you do, you can guarantee that you’ll be able to connect with like-minded people. Simultaneously, you might be able to find someone interested in developing a relationship with you. There are numerous apps out there for those in this group. If you’re interested in developing a connection with someone, you should not hesitate to take advantage of LGBTQ apps.

Use Social Media

While you’re at it, you should think about using social media. This is one of the best ways to find people who are a part of this community. When you use social media along with quality sites like hardcore sex, you’ll be able to spot members quickly and easily by looking at the images they post. If they post images that support the LGBTQ movement, you can guarantee that they’re a part of it. This allows you to interact with these individuals without taking a risk.

If you want to take the relationship to a new level, you can meet with these individuals in person.

Attend Local Events

Another thing to note is that you can attend local LGBTQ events. This will allow you to connect with members in your community and that can make a huge difference. By attending these events, you’ll be able to support the cause, have a great time, and develop relationships with others. This is one of the best ways to connect with these individuals. Finding these events can be difficult but utilizing the Internet will make things much easier.

It is a good idea to attend these events in groups. This will ensure that you’re able to remain safe and comfortable from start to finish. This is vital if you live in an area that is less tolerant of the LGBTQ community.

Photo by Ikon Republik from Pexels

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January 19, 2020
Dos And Don’ts In Gay Dating

Gay dating just like any other type of dating has its ups and downs and just like any relationships counseling and dating rules must be observed. In many regions now, gay and lesbian relationships are getting the society approval with some even the church uniting and supporting the couples. However, this does not come easy and in this article, we look at the Dos and Don’ts in gay dating and also some tips on how to be good in dating or even being a great gay sugar daddy magnet.

In any form of relationships issues such as sexual needs, trust, ego and the general emotional aspects plays the key role on how long it lasts. In gay dating, partners need to be well aware of such matters to make it a success. Most gay guys are good with making ladies feel good especially when undergoing dating or marital woes, but this does not make them experts when it comes to theirs.

Dos And Don’ts In Gay Dating

Do’s

The first key thing to do in any dating is to create a great first impression to any potential partner. This depends on where and how you meet these potentials and that is why it is great to always look sharp. Some will meet at social gatherings or clubs while others will meet on dating sites like gay cam chat site, in all these areas endeavor to make that striking impression. How do you achieve this? Dress appropriately, be confident, be real and be kind to everyone. These simple tips will help you always court the attention of many and it is bound to make you a catch.

With the first trick, you are bound to get a second date but you have to keep it on forever. Therefore the second Do is that you should be open and true to what you need. This will help set things in the proper lane. State whether you are looking for a lifelong partner or a casual hookup or even just a friend. This eliminates the awkwardness that may follow anytime one feels that they are being ignored.

Get to understand each other on matters about life, work, and ambitions. This promotes the general wellbeing of the relationship as you will understand when not to call him and when to expect him. This is common with the gay sugar daddy that tends to feel young hot boys as being stalkers and nagging all the time.

Don’ts

Don’t be afraid to speak your mind out and bring your freak on. Sitting silently while dating may not be a good thing. You may look overburdened by the weight of your silence.

Do not entertain flirtations and other advances that may make your partner jealous. Men are possessive and any threat to what they feel the need to possess may lead to loss of interest or trigger dangerous obsessive behaviors.

Don’t say or point out to things that may threaten your partners’ confidence and self-esteem. Most gay guys are narcissistic and eccentric, therefore anything said or a comment made needs to be thoughtful in a way that it does not rub them the wrong way.

Featured image courtesy of Shutterstock

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January 30, 2019
Things You Should Know Before Dating A Transgender Woman

Dating has always been difficult for me for several reasons. First I am a Transsexual woman who is involved in the Adult Industry. It’s like a double edged sword as I am either seen as a “fetish” or seen as “Wendy Williams” the Pornstar.

I tend to believe I am passable enough in public so when I meet men it’s difficult to know what or if they know that I am a transsexual then that leads to the conversation of having to tell them. Too many Trans women are being killed because of their gender so I am not going to lead anyone on and not be upfront immediately. I also use sites like Tinder for dating and I put it in the first paragraph that I am a pre-op Transsexual and if they don’t know then please look it up, LOL. You would be surprised at how many guys don’t bother to read and then get mad when I ask “Have you been with a Transsexual before?”. With Trans women becoming more visible on television and in Hollywood we are becoming more the norm but have light years to actually feel equal to our genetic female counterparts.

As a Pornstar most (well almost every) guy assumes that the conversation needs to be about sex or my career. It’s difficult for these guys to see past my film career and see me as a woman , let alone a Trans woman. I have been the Industry for 15 years so I’ve heard it all and seen it all. When you add my gender to the equation it makes for a interesting and difficult dating relationship.

Dating Challenges Faced By Transgenders

I think most Trans women will say the “fetish” element. To their defense most men have been only subject to Trans woman in the sex industry. Mainstream its always been Jerry Springer or the “hooker” story line on a television show. I guess men don’t understand why we don’t want to talk about our penis or sexuality in the early stages of our relationship. I always ask “Would you ask a genetic female about her pussy in the first week?“.

I as a Pornstar understand the fetish aspect as I’ve used it to sell DVD’s and website memberships but I would hope that people understand Porn is more fantasy and not reality, therefore don’t bring those expectations into potential relationships whether personal or sexual, especially in the beginning.

Misconceptions About Transgenders

Let me say before I answer this that I speak from a Sex Workers perspective so my views are from a different place compared to someone who lives a vanilla lifestyle. Being a bit older, things have changed quite a bit over the past 10 years for Trans women. In the beginning it was all Trans women were hookers, had HIV, couldn’t be professionals, etc. We have seen a major shift with visibility so many of those stereotypes are changing.

Being a Pornstar I am held to the same testing standards (every 14-30 days) as the genetic female Pornstars. We are NOT classified in the gay side but with the straight Industry because the majority of men who are into Trans women identify as straight. I think that’s the biggest misconception when it comes to men who are into Trans women. These men are attracted to the feminine qualities and how we present ourselves to society and the fixtures are just a bonus.

Tips To Follow When Dating A Transgender

You have to understand that terms like “shemale” and “tranny” are derogatory for many trans women. Those terms were introduced by the adult industry as a way to pitch us to a market of people who have never seen, let alone met, a trans person. But in every day usage, we don’t like it. So just relax and don’t make it harder for us – just refer to us in the way you normally refer to women.

Unless you are meeting on a site that is specific for hooking up or casual sex, then please don’t bring up sex or our bodies, especially our private parts, in the first initial conversations. Many trans women feel like most men objectify us sexually as a fetish or experiment, and it doesn’t help to defeat those stigmas by asking about our penis or if we are a top or bottom. Ease into those conversations once you know us better, or allow us to make the first move. For newcomers, it’s especially important to be careful and not anxious or your first impression won’t be what you intended it to be.

We hear things like, “It’s my first time” or “I’ve never sucked a cock” or “My ass is tight” or “I’ve always had this fetish“, and you need to understand that this is a really big turn-off in early stages of any relationship. We’re not here for your sexual education; we want this to be pleasurable for both of us.

We understand that most men are trying to figure it out as they go, hell we are too, but please don’t start the dating process unless you really want to date a Trans woman and not just a hook-up. Be 100% comfortable when it comes to going out in public or introducing us to your friends and family. It takes a confident and strong man not to listen to the taboo part of society who thinks we should be dirty little secrets.

Wendy Williams – I am a Transsexual Pornstar, Producer, Publicist and Activist from Lexington, KY. I am a AVN Hall of Fame Inductee and won Awards from most every major Adult Award ceremony in the Industry. Follow me at:

Website: www.wendywilliamsxxx.com

Twitter: twitter.com/tswendywilliams

Instagram: @tswendywilliams

PR: twitter.com/hotwendpr

Spanchat: “tswendywilliams”

Monthly Parties I host: lexingtontgirlparties.com

Images courtesy of Wendy Williams
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January 26, 2017
Let’s Connect: TIQFF 2016 Aims To Establish Sustainable Connection Through Queer Films

October has always been a busy month for the LGBTQ community in Taiwan, and 2016 is no exception. With Taipei LGBTQ Pride Parade scheduled to take place on October 29, the island nation, dubbed one of the most LGBT friendly countries in Asia, is also expecting a series of LGBTQ events leading up to the final climax. Jay Lin is the man behind the series of exciting LGBTQ events that aim to bring the Taiwanese LGBTQ community closer and further connect it to the rest of the world.

Into its 3^rd year, the Taiwan International Queer Film Festival (TIQFF) is back with a whole new theme and vision: Let’s Connect. He wants to connect individuals in the LGBTQ community with each other, and it will be at a global scale.

“The goal of TIQFF is to bring diverse and engaging stories of the queer experience to Taiwan, and to allow the audience to create authentic connections with the movies, and, even more so, with each other,” said Lin.

He has also been endeavoring to build connections with numerous film festivals around the world. The formation of the Asia Pacific Queer Film Festival Alliance (APQFFA) in 2015 is one example. The alliance brings together existing queer film festivals in Asia and established formal ties between all of them. Additionally, Lin was invited to be a juror at the 30^th Teddy Awards of the Berlinale earlier this year. The experience inspires him to connect the two film festivals by introducing several award winning films from the 30^th Teddy at this year’s TIQFF.

“We will continue to connect with festivals worldwide, as well as fortify the relationships within the Asia Pacific Queer Film Festival Alliance,” said Lin.

The list of award winning films that will be screened at TIQFF 2016 include winner of the Best Feature Film, TOMCAT, winner of the Special Jury Award, You’ll Never Be Alone, winner of the Best Documentary/Essay Film, Kiki, winner of the Best Short Film, Moms on Fire, and winner of the Audience Award, Paris 05:59. Additionally, several of the nominated films and Berlinale shorts will also be screened at TIQFF 2016. Apart from film screening, TIQFF will also organize 3 international filmmakers’ panels for the public to attend and gain more insight about the current state of LGBTQ film production.

After three years of organizing TIQFF, Lin realizes that he wants to expand the scope of the festival so more people can experience it. This leads to the establishment of the first LGBTQ awards ceremony in Taiwan: Queermosa, which “celebrates the LGBTQ progress taking place in Taiwan.” Lin hopes to continuously promote positive portrayal of the LGBTQ community in media while cultivating positive changes in society. He believes that this needs to be achieved by incorporating efforts from other communities.

At the inaugural Queermosa, 10 awards will be presented to celebrities, businesses and artworks that have contributed to the advancement of LGBTQ rights in Taiwan. The ceremony will take place on October 28 at the W Hotel in Taipei. For more information, including purchasing tickets, please click here. If you want to learn more about TIQFF 2016, please click here.

Featured image courtesy of TIQFF
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November 1, 2016
Behind The Scene: How Does Vlogging Help Gay Porn Stars To Truly Be Themselves

What might be your general reaction when someone tells you that they do porn for a living? Over half of the time, the reaction could be negative. After all, the porn industry has long been regarded as a source of negative social impact. Too much misunderstanding has been associated with its impact on the overall well-being of society, youth and the entire population that the general public can hardly gain any meaningful and objective insights of the industry itself. However, that might be about to change with some gay porn stars beginning to embrace vlogging as a way to introduce their true selves to the world.

Unlike most professions, being a porn star is often a lonely choice because behind the glamorous on-screen performances, porn stars can hardly talk to people about their work lives. Most of the time, people frown upon the idea of doing porn for a living, so porn stars usually don’t even bother to share their professional lives with people, including those around them. However, vlogging opens a new channel for them to talk about their lives and feelings without having to face the awkward or disgusted reaction from people that disapprove their identities as porn stars. Vlogging allows porn stars to achieve something mutually beneficial to themselves and the general public: an outlet to share their feelings and a way to gradually help the outside world learn anything about them.

In case you are looking for an example, you can check out the popular gay porn star, Rustin Low’s one year vlogging anniversary video. It can give you a pretty good idea about vlogging, the motivation behind it and how it really helps porn stars. And if you wonder why I spend time to write about this topic, I will tell you it is all about respect and compassion. As human beings, regardless of your sexuality, we have all benefited from the existence of porn in some ways. It satisfies certain aspects of our needs, and in some cases, it fulfills our fantasies about sex. However, we seldom pay respect to those who make porn possible, and what’s worse is we often judge them for performing in those videos that we watch to pleasure ourselves.

To do these porn stars some justice, I hope to help open a window for the world to learn a bit more about them and their daily lives. After all, every group deserves some respect, love and appreciation for what they do and contribute to the world. If being a porn star is a crime, then those who have ever watched porn should be judged as much as the porn stars do. Rather than judging, we should appreciate their courage and show some respect and support that they deserve. Then hopefully one day, porn stars can openly discuss their jobs with people without having to worry about any backlash.

Featured image courtesy of Shutterstock
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September 11, 2016
“The Future of Sex” – Closing Insights from Sarah Calleja

The future of sex has arrived

Have you explored virtual sex toys that promise ‘interactive sex’ with another person over the Internet? Would you consider sex with a robot? What about ‘Smart insertables’ which help women train their pelvic floor muscles with games? Have you heard US regulators have just approved the release of “female Viagra”, a drug known as Addyi?

Welcome to the future that’s customizing individual sexual options.

The New York Toy Collective believe that consenting adults should be able to have whatever kind of sex they want, with whoever they want, regardless of the body they or their partner were born with. They specialize in self-affirming products for all forms of sexual expression and are the first and only company to use 3D scanning technology to allow consumers to create sex toys modelled after their own bodies.

For those who own a 3-D printer, the site MakerLove offers all types of free sex toy designs for downloading for people who want the freedom to privately own their own pleasure.

For those wanting more than the standard sex robot, at between $US6,000 to $US60,000 Hermaphrodite-doll enthusiasts can order removable genitals so they can go back and forth between genders. A Pew Research Centre report claims that by 2025 robot sex will be “commonplace.”

HappyPlayTime’s Mascot!

Apps like SexPositive, developed by the University of Oregon, teach safe sex practices though a fun, nonjudgmental interface. The cartoonish app HappyPlayTime tries to take the stigma out of female masturbation by guiding women through the process.

Dating apps can provoke anxiety with users when people are unsure how to best manage protocols like writing their bios; including photos; being honest about age; exaggerating positives or considering outright lying.

Some people worry about being shamed when on various dating sites or exposed by hackers on sites like Ashley Madison. It would be interesting to have a discussion why up to 31 million on Ashley Madison alone are not so concerned about internet privacy and will pay for the opportunity to explore sexual fantasy with a random stranger and not their partner.

Technology can also be used to enable healthy sexual expression. Safe sex apps are readily available to facilitate a healthier sex life.

Award winning educational apps like Parents, tweens and sex app enable and empower parents and their tweens to improve communication and advocacy when discussing confronting sexual issues.

Explore Women’s sex allows users to appreciate the clitoral anatomy and how they are involved in sexual arousal.

Dating IRL (In Real Life) anymore?

In the recent past, lengthy surveys designed to figure out who you are made predictions for compatibility. Now, intuitive technology learns your preferences based on your actions. Online dating trends reveal almost a quarter of online daters find a spouse or long-term partner through online dating but, women get a ton more attention than men.

While in the past we met prospective partners through work, family or a shared interest, the new wave of ‘meet ups’ which are independently-run and based on single people’s quirks and interests are responding to people’s desire to meet IRL.

When people meet IRL, they can read facial and body cues when interacting with other people. Grooming, hygiene, socio-economic status and capacity to communicate are also considerations for people when assessing a prospective partner.

IRL separates digital fiction from reality.

Does technology help relationship sex – you know the type between live, consenting adults across the sexual spectrum? Or, is technology the new ‘secret affair’ that demands our attention and disrupts, corrupts and interrupts love?

To be the best lover, you must be ‘present’ and ‘in the moment’ with your partner, to activate all your senses, smell, touch, sight, sound and hearing. This allows you to be fully present, in thought, word and deed. It isn’t about sex toys; it’s about connecting, being curious, reaching out, experimenting, tuning in and responding in kind. It’s about being desired and validating your capacity to be pleasured and to do the pleasuring. It’s about getting off on the chemistry.

Or, we could choose to have sex with (compliant) robots and a future where sex devices interact with a movie or a computer avatar.

Or both….

My personal and professional experience has been that we all value physical and emotional intimacy too much to give that up. It seems like the future trend is IRL, because a virtual relationship isn’t sustainable. Playing with technology helps us to engage our curiosity, play and experiment with our casual or long term partners in ways that were never possible in the past, but –

If a time came when a robot could give us more pleasure than a human, then we humans should be trying harder!

Sarah Calleja is a Counselling Psychologist and Clinical Sexologist, media consultant, author, and app developer.

When Sarah isn’t hard at work as a counselling psychologist and clinical sexologist, or consulting for the media, she loves being a trendsetter in the field of sexology. Sarah regularly presents at international conferences and creates training sessions for health professionals. She writes opinion-editorials for a variety of media and personal blogs can be viewed on her website.

Sarah’s new app, ‘Parents, Tweens and Sex’, a first of its kind app for the iPad designed in collaboration with Swinburne University and featured as a finalist in the digital design category of the 2013 Premier’s Design Awards. This interactive app empowers parents and tweens with the necessary resources to make informed choices to be mindful, comfortable, respectful and responsive when they choose to engage in sexual relationships.

Sarah is also a wife, mother, mentor, friend and the proud owner of laugh lines!

This article has been republished with permission by Sarah Calleja. To view the original post, read it here

Images courtesy of Nina Calleja
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December 18, 2015
Why is defining sex so damn complicated? Sarah Calleja kicks off SEXtember!

SEX….well, it’s inspiring, thrilling, pleasurable, awkward, painful, embarrassing, confusing and provocative – it’s complicated!

The Merriam-Webster definition defines sex as ‘the state of being male or female’ and ‘physical activity/touch that is related to and often includes sexual intercourse.’ However, a study from the Kinsey Institute found that no uniform consensus existed when it came to defining sex.

As the pioneering sex researcher Alfred Kinsey put it, the only universal on human sexuality is variability itself.

In response, I have invited the sexologists who are contributing to SEXtember, to include their definitions to reveal the diversity of cultures and opinions.

Feeling acknowledged as a sexual person contributes significantly to our sense of well-being and our identity so it is significant that we are now inclusive of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, intersex and queer (LGBTIQ) people. Many organisations now provide an Ally support service which affirms the experience and rights of these diverse sexual identities. We also acknowledge Asexual people as part of the sexual spectrum.

As a Counselling Psychologist and Clinical Sexologist, I wanted to clarify individual sexual perspectives to avoid confusion by re-framing the discussion of sexuality in the context of informed consent.

To avoid confusion, I respect my clients and colleagues by asking them their personal definitions of sex, then I have clarity and I can proceed to work with that understanding.

My VISION is to take control of sexuality away from the extremists and profiteers and create an awareness and respect for sexual diversity, curiosity and experimentation. We want adults to role model to our children the concept of Sexual Integrity – when equal privilege embraces equal responsibility with curiosity and humour.

My intelligent, insightful clients have shared with me their wisdom and reflections:

……..It’s a matter of perspective isn’t it?

So, my personal definition of sex?

“Touch that is joyful and sensuous between consenting adults who celebrate mutual responsibility and privilege”

At the end of the day, healthy sexual relationships are about connecting in real life – touching that special someone’s body and heart to create warmth and intimacy. It is creating romance and investing in companionship where you equally feel desired, valued and safe. Sex is fundamentally the difference between a friendship and a relationship.

What I share with my clients about sex is “If you’re not having fun, then you’re not doing it right!”

Sarah Calleja is a Counselling Psychologist and Clinical Sexologist, media consultant, author, and app developer.

When Sarah isn’t hard at work as a counselling psychologist and clinical sexologist, or consulting for the media, she loves being a trendsetter in the field of sexology. Sarah regularly presents at international conferences and creates training sessions for health professionals. She writes opinion-editorials for a variety of media and personal blogs can be viewed on her website.

Sarah’s new app, ‘Parents, Tweens and Sex’, a first of its kind app for the iPad designed in collaboration with Swinburne University and featured as a finalist in the digital design category of the 2013 Premier’s Design Awards. This interactive app empowers parents and tweens with the necessary resources to make informed choices to be mindful, comfortable, respectful and responsive when they choose to engage in sexual relationships.

Sarah is also a wife, mother, mentor, friend and the proud owner of laugh lines!

This article has been republished with permission by Sarah Calleja. To view the original post, read it here

Images courtesy of Nina Calleja
Have an amazing experience or tips you like to share on SimplySxy? Drop us an email at editorial@SimplySxy.com!

December 5, 2015
Are we all just a bunch of dicks?

Now I used to use two “social networking” apps, Grindr and Scruff, more out of habit and also still a vague belief that I may actually meet someone half decent after all I am on there and I am half decent.

Now as someone who has a wealth of experience of working in sexual health promotion, HIV prevention and also general emotional support roles for gay and bisexual men, I am no prude. Why I am saying this, well, it’s the context of what I am about to say! I can tell you some of my experiences that would make men think twice.

Now it’s enough that many profiles are faceless, body shots or some other random picture other than your face. Now I appreciate that being a gay is still an issue for some guys and there is plenty of support out there if you want it! (Another blog about the “closets” issue another time) However, why when one (I) asks for a face picture, am I greeted with a pic of their dick or cock or arse as an opener than just a Hi! Would I go around a bar with my face covered, poke someone in the back, get my dick out and wave it about really thinking that I will get laid that way? I think not, even in saunas you can see a bloke’s face, whole body and not just his cock or arse! The whole point of having a profile and info there is to give a sense of what and who you are, yes, even if it is just a one off encounter. I really have to wonder just how many gay men have sexual addiction problems and many agencies just aren’t going there and if anything colluding with the behaviour with sometimes very PRO sex, sexual health campaigns!

Now I am not subscribing to the Mary Whitehouse school of sexual repressions. I like and enjoy sex as much as the next man and have had a reasonable amount of sexual partners in the past, even if it has been almost 14 months since I last had sex. I just feel that we (as a gay male community) really don’t make the effort any more in pursuing sex. We just expect to message someone, turn up at a random strangers house and have sex! Even without seeing who they are first! I have lost count of the amount of men who have expected that of me lol! Even though I was accused of being a bare backing crystal meth head because of some of my pics, despite them being about 5% of my pics, all the other ones of my face, my body and one of my cock. Which brings me back to the pics issue, why do we need to see 10, 15 or 20 pics of it! One is enough surely, when I have sex with a man, it’s not just his cock and arse that I am interested in, but his face as well his body etc!

Surely putting in a bit of effort is part of the fun of the pursuit? Having a few more face pics, details in your profile about you etc. Not just about what you “demand” in a sexual partner or what you’re looking for, how about what you have to offer as well. Nothing worse than the narcissistic bloke who thinks he’s so amazing that we ought to be lining up for him. Surely sexual interaction is a two way street, or if you’re wanting more, then dating is a two way process!

Or are we just a bunch of dicks really now! Just our cocks or arses and nothing more or less?

I feel we are more than that and worth more than that!

Featured image courtesy of Shutterstock
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October 15, 2015