SimplySxy

Tag: LGBTQ

  • What can parents do when they first find out their child is gay/lesbian/bisexual/transgender?

    What can parents do when they first find out their child is gay/lesbian/bisexual/transgender?

    Have a question on your mind about sex or seeking advice? Ask us on any topic and we’ll provide you with the answers from an expert. Send them in to editorial@simplysxy.com. 

    We have collected your questions on the topic of LGBTQ, and are delighted to have Arielle Scarcella to answer them below.

    What are the different stages in coming out?

    Coming out stages varies for everyone. For some, it’s all about telling people one by one. For others it might be making a YouTube video. Everyone’s experience is very different.

    What can parents do when they first find out their child is gay/lesbian/bisexual/transgender?

    They can contact an LGBT center, call up a hotline for tips, watch LGBT YouTubers and learn and simply but most important, talk to their child about it!

    Do lesbian couples always reflect a butch-femme relationship?

    Lesbians come in all shapes, colors, sizes and gender roles. Some butch women like other butch women. Some femmes like other femmes. And some are more like a traditional heterosexual relationship. All are OK.

    What are the types of lesbians?

    Butch, femme, tomboy, andro (Shane type) femme artsy, And everyone else in between.

     

    Hi, Girlfriends and Boyfriends! I’m Arielle! I’m the best friend you’ve always wanted. I share crazy experiences / advice on dating, LGBT issues, relationships and sex. I’m a big lesbian.

    Featured image courtesy of Arielle Scarcella
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  • Demonisation of the Masculine

    Demonisation of the Masculine

    Now before I get hated on for saying what I am about to say, I will be very very clear here. I have absolutely nothing against, campness, effeminacy, flamboyance and wearing drag etc. I will be honest sexually, I am attracted to more masculine orientated gay men.

    I have noticed of late a reclaiming of this identity in our community. I see increasingly more regularly at charity events, gay men in drag or wearing dresses make up etc. Even most LGB&T charities now dictate that everything has to be pink (T Shirts, Hi Viz Jackets etc). I am not sure if this a lack of originality or an agenda to push one way of being over another. I get the need to make this a way of being acceptable due to the homophobia and discrimination against gay and bisexual men. I saw the backlash over what Russell Tovey said a few months ago, even though it was taken completely out of context and a whole heap of hate was directed at him!

    Now my issue is that masculine gay men are demonised and seen as in denial, like saying the only acceptable way to be gay is to be camp, outgoing, flamboyant etc. Now what sort of message is that? We are seen as haters, homophobes and all manner of things just because we are the way we are. Some of this is bitterness because we are attracted to other masculine men. A lot of it though is ignorance and intolerance of difference. Recently, a professional rugby player came out, one reason given was that he felt that gay men were one thing or could only be one thing and this is down in part to media representation and a lot to do with our own communities. He felt he couldn’t be gay as he didn’t fit that stereotype we are now promoting fully.

    So this demonization of masculine gay men is detrimental to our community. It’s preventing many men from coming out as they see perhaps that this is the only way to be. This is harmful to them and causes so much distress and anxiety about who they are and where they fit in with our community. Yes I know we have the bear community which is seen as alternative and predominately masculine but even there, there are rules and regulations that dictate whether or not you will be accepted (beard, belly, bulk etc).

    Surely we are all in this together however we orientate in terms of expression of identity and we all have a right to be who we truly are without having to behave in a way in order to fit in and be accepted. Otherwise why are we fighting for equality?

     

    Image courtesy of Shutterstock
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  • What to expect when having sex with a transsexual girl for the first time

    What to expect when having sex with a transsexual girl for the first time

    Sex is one of the most connective experiences we can have as human beings.  By my nature I’m a very sexual human being – so it permeates a lot of how I interact with the world around me.  To me sex isn’t just limited by acts of penetration… there’s a whole world of ways to get your rocks off, and I like to explore every way possible particularly when we get into the kink scene.  I’ve a personal motto, “Try everything twice.  I may have just been in a bad mood the first time.”  It’s led me to a lot of sexual experiences that I really enjoyed that I might not have ever tried if I was more timid.

    Primarily I enjoy sexual encounters best with people I care about, but I also don’t particularly respond well to labels being assigned to those relationships.  I’m an ethical slut… while I have sexual relations with multiple partners whom I am close to, it’s important for me to be open and honest with everyone as to what’s going on.  If I was born earlier, I’d definitely have fit in amongst the free-loving 60s.   The sexual roles I play with my partners (top/ bottom) changes from person to person based on what our connection with each other is like.

    I also dig my sex being safe, sane and consensual.  As great as sex is, there are some risks involved given diseases.  That means both giving and receiving respect from partners, including being up to date with STD testing.  It means making sure we learn and respect each others sexual boundaries.  Sex is an act of trust and trust needs to develop from open and honest communications – about likes, desires and even fears.  You can have sex without that level of trust, but in my experience that type of sex isn’t nearly as fulfilling.

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    First Time Nerves

    Just chill.  Don’t rush into anything.  Start with the simple stuff… Touching one another.  Caressing.  Kissing.   Foreplay is all about relaxing — about pulling yourself into the moment,  Did you know that some of the most erogenous zones on the body have nothing to do with genitals?  When I’m with a new lover the first time, I like to explore as much of their body as I can before we move into fucking.  It helps me learn who they are and how best I can give them pleasure.

    If you focus on these small interactions with your partner, the sexual tension builds until it’s natural to orgasm.   It’s very similar to an idea which actors profess, “be in the moment.”  The best sex involves losing yourself in the immediate acts of lovemaking rather than focusing on anything else.  Let’s face it — when it’s good, time stops.  There’s no thought other than the pleasure you and your partner are having.  I find organically getting there through foreplay is the best way to relax during my first time with someone.

    The Experience

    That all depends on the transsexual woman.  Is she a top or a bottom with you?  How comfortable is she with her own body?  One thing that’s key to understanding transsexuals is that because we were born in a body that’s inconsistent with who we are, we experience some level of dysphoria from it. This varies from person to person.  Personally I’m okay with the fact I still have male genitals.  While I would have preferred to have been born with a vagina, I’m okay with both lovers and myself pleasuring my cock – it doesn’t trigger emotional discomfort for me to use my cock during sex.  But there are other transwomen who can’t bear to see their cock let alone to have it touched or used during sex.

    If you want to have a great sexual experience with a transwoman, you’ll need to have communication with her.  How comfortable is she with her body? Does she want to penetrate or be penetrated?  Like any other sexual encounter, you and your partner will need to negotiate what’s enjoyable for both of you.  Once you are past that, it’s just like any other sexual encounter.

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    Recommended Sex Position

    Again, I think this depends on the person.  For example, when bottoming, I personally dig positions like cowgirl where I can look in my lover’s eyes as we make love.  When topping, I love doggie style because it gets me in the right mindset to fuck the living shit out of someone.

    Kink it up a notch!

    There’s a whole world of kink out there.  Google it – lol.  Some of my personal favorites include electroplay and ropeplay.  Fifty Shades of Grey barely touches the surface of what’s possible.  For folks wanting to explore BDSM, I suggest starting with a book called “The Loving Dominant” – it’s not a perfect book by any means, but it does cover both the physical and emotional aspects of dominant/ submissive play and is a great introduction to those concepts.

    TS porn star Wendy Summers was the 2013 RISE Shemale Performer of the Year and a three-time Transgender Erotica Award winner.  Wendy has appeared in the DVD releases I Kill it TS Vol 1, Shemale Strokers 50; Bang My Tranny Ass 10; and 5th Annual Tranny Award Winners and has appeared on websites like Shemale Strokers, Shemale Yum, Shemale Pornstar & Wendy Williams XXX. Read the rest of her profile below and the links to her website www.WendySummers.com!

    Images courtesy of Wendy Summers
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  • Are you ready for the OzKinkFest?

    Are you ready for the OzKinkFest?

    In my experience, lots of people are interested in some kind of kink, to varying degrees—the giving or receiving of bondage, physical pain, role-play, dress-ups, dominance and/or submission; the list is pretty much endless. Socially we’ve shifted a bit in the last couple of years. Since we’ve had a best-selling book and a feature film portraying a version of BDSM, there has been much more conversation around the topic and some of the myths surrounding a kink lifestyle have been challenged by those who live it. People are starting to accept that BDSM is not abuse (and if it is, it’s not BDSM), and beginning to come to terms that there’s nothing ‘wrong’ with wanting to be tied up, or have their arse spanked; there’s nothing ‘ill’ about wanting to tie someone up or spank an arse. It’s also been several years since paraphilia—’unusual sexual fixations’ has been listed in the The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM). Psychiatrically, fetishes are only considered a problem if someone is hurt in the process. The taboos are dropping and people are feeling the freedom to explore. And so, where do you start? Below are a few avenues that the adventurous can explore the ‘kink’ social life.

    Munches

    Munches are social gatherings for kinksters in non-kink environments. Groups meet for lunches and dinners and offer an opportunity to meet like-minded people in a public, purely social situation. It’s always a good idea to get in touch with the event organiser prior to the event, to introduce yourself and to connect. This will ensure you ‘know’ at least one person when you attend the event and Munch organisers will generally be available to introduce newcomers around. To find munches near you, you can try a simple google search. If it’s proving hard to find, I’d recommend trying FetLife.

    FetLife

    This is the equivalent of the Facebook of the BDSM and kink community: a place to connect with others, and find out about events and goings on in the world of kink. To access FetLife you must create a profile (this is entirely free). Upon signing up, you have access to a bunch of information all on one site; there are discussion groups on pretty much every kink imaginable (and if you find a gap, start a group!). In addition, many of the smaller kink events, like Munches, are only promoted via FetLife. You can use the site as a great opportunity to begin some networking within the community, be it whether you are looking for individuals who share your location, fetish, or level of experience. While the site itself isn’t the easiest to navigate, you can cut back on a little frustration if you take some time to look around and get used to the way it works before delving into the activities.

    Workshops and Skillshares

    These are not only a great way to pick up some new skills, but also a brilliant way to connect with others. Once you start looking, you will find a bunch of people offering an array of classes, although it can be quite overwhelming when you’re unsure of your own level of commitment. As a starting place you can search for sessions like ‘Kink 101’, ‘Kink For Beginners’, or ‘Introduction to BDSM’. Generally, these types of classes are aimed at the curious or those who are unsure about their area of interest. As such, you should be able to get a good idea of whether this is something you’d like to continue after one of these sessions. As a newcomer to this scene, it’s always recommended to sign up for classes with an established educational group or trusted kink educator. Personally, I’ve worked in a couple of amazing establishments that not only offer an array of classes from experienced and vetted facilitators, but a wonderfully welcoming environment to newcomers.

    In the US, there is the Foundation For Sex Positive Culture. Based in Seattle, the Foundation offers education via its library, skillshares/workshops and events. These are run by a bunch of individuals who are passionate about kink education, and would be a great point of contact for those based in the US wanting to find something local. Here in Melbourne, I’m currently connected to a fantastic facility called Splinter. Although the group itself has been running BDSM-based skillshares and workshops for many years, the focus on the educational aspect has increased exponentially after the facility moved to bigger premises early this year. It has also attracted some of Melbourne’s most respected kink-players as skill sharers and educators. They hold classes and set up support and discussion groups on a multitude of topics ranging from the theoretical—dealing with mental health in a kink world, working with polyamory in a dominance/submission (d/s) context, negotiation and informed consent; practical—rope play, fire play, sadism, predicament bondage, decorative bondage, foot pampering; and the philosophical. What these establishments have in common is the trust and respect of the community around them, and a real passion for wanting people to explore kink in a safe, sane and consensual way. It’s definitely worth investing the time in finding something similarly reputable.

    Public BDSM/Kink Events

    Most people are generally nervous about their first public kink event, particularly if they’re turning up alone. Will it be confronting? Will I fit in? What happens if it’s all too much? Get as much information as you can prior to the event to know what you’re getting into: Is sex allowed, and how does the venue define ‘sex’? Does it have a nightclub vibe or is it more like a private party? How many people usually attend? Look into the dress code and do your due diligence. As with Munches, it’s a great idea to get in touch with the event organiser prior to the event, and let them know you are a first-timer. It is also important to questions and raise your concerns so that the organisers can give some sort of idea of what to expect. Some kink and BDSM nights actually have mandatory introductory sessions for newcomers to be well-acquainted with the expected etiquette and rules in particular, not only pertaining to kink, but to that individual club. Furthermore, some clubs will invite newcomers on an Introductory Tour. You may also look into some places that run alcohol-free events. While it may seem odd for a club not to serve alcohol, but in my experience these have been the friendliest and most welcoming places that function more like social clubs where there’s no blaring music and strobe lights, but tea, coffee, couches, an inviting space to chat, and a bunch of BDSM equipment waiting to be explored. I was introduced a particular social version of the kink club in Colorado at the Denver Sanctuary, which totally blew my mind away as it was absolutely warm and inviting. I am truly pleased to be able to continue indulging in this atmosphere back here in Melbourne, thanks again to Splinter which now runs PlaySpace—an newcomer-friendly event that takes in a homely dungeon twice a month (PlaySpace).

    Expos/Festivals/Annual Events

    Do keep a look out for these as you can probably gather a lot of information all in these events. Most major cities hold rendezvous that celebrates some sort of kink/BDSM and your best way of finding out the when and the where is to via the good old internet. As mentioned earlier, Fetlife and even Facebook groups are good for staying informed. Right now, among the top of the list on a Google search for ‘kink festivals’ is OzKinkFest. Known as Australia’s biggest kink festival, OzKinkFest is a 10-day extravaganza of munches, exhibitions, workshops, events and a one-day Fetish Expo comprising market stalls from over 40 vendors, a fashion parade, performances and demonstrations.

    And for those in Melbourne, its time to turn the heat up! OzKinkFest begins this weekend, kicking off with the Fetish Expo at Fitzroy Town Hall, on the Saturday from 12pm to 7pm. Tickets are for sale at $15. As these annual events are community celebrations, first-timers need to be aware and prepared to see some people in their kinky best. There’ll be all manner of corsets, rubber and leather … probably some pasties, and more than likely a few pair of chaps. Add that to the bunch of smiling faces, exciting experiences and the chance for you to explore what the world has to offer!

    Featured image courtesy of Shutterstock
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  • How to suck your own penis

    How to suck your own penis

    I am sure I speak for every man out there when I say that being able to suck your own dick is every guy’s fantasy. Whether you are gay, straight, bi etc if you are a guy, you have tried it. That being said, I am very thankful that I have the ability to do it. It was sort of something that started when I was around 16 and started to notice myself getting bigger. By that time, I had seen my fair share of porn and seeing guys sucking other guys but hadn’t experienced having my own dick sucked or sucking another guy. So naturally I was curious to feel the sensation.

    At first I bent over and could only get part of the tip to my mouth. I have never been one to give up on something once I started it, so over time I kept at it and found myself able to get more and more to my mouth. I tried different positions and stretches to give me the best angle to attack and finally succeeded in getting enough into my mouth that I was actually gagging myself with my own dick.

    Requirements to be successful in self sucking

    What I attribute to my success in this area are two things: Flexibility and a larger than average Dick. For those that have seen me in Porn or Live Cam Shows they know that I can get my head to my dick in several positions and that I am blessed with an almost 9.5” dick.

    Best positions for self sucking

    My best positions for self sucking may be pretty tough for some guys to achieve. I know my fans love to see when I get rimmed or penetrated while I am sucking myself and in those acts it is best for me to put my legs over/behind my head. Starting out, I couldn’t do this. It definitely took working up to from some more basic positions.

    When starting out, it was easiest for me to lay on my side and then pull my legs up to wear I could grab them with arms. At that point, I could move my dick closer to my mouth by pulling my legs up and out and sticking my head between them to reach my dick.

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    Tips to enjoy self sucking

    Stretch! Even as flexible as I am, I frequently stretch before, and after I know that I will be self sucking so that my body doesn’t hurt while I am performing. I have found that my neck and back are areas that receive the most stress from this activity so be cautious to not strain yourself too much.

    What’s next after?

    If you are gay then it should be pretty self-explanatory. Suck it just like you would another guys dick. For the straight man who has a penis in his mouth for the first time, don’t panic. Take it slow and work you mouth around it to get it nice and lubricated. When you decide to do some “in and out” motions, watch out that your teeth don’t come down on your member. If you want to see how it’s done, check out this scene in which I am self sucking while getting rimmed.

    Practice doesn’t necessarily lead to success

    That is hard to say. I would answer yes, if you have a dick that is above average. You can get more flexible with practice and exercise but you can’t easily make your dick grow any larger. If you have only an inch or so to go before you can touch your dick to your mouth then I think it could very well be possible for you to achieve this goal with a little practice and exercise. If you fail to do it though, don’t worry there are plenty of others like you, which is why this skill is quite envied among men.

    Apart from being a model, Andrew is also an aspiring producer and talent agent in the adult entertainment industry. He is now accepting applications for new models for his webcam studio at http://darkersidemedia.com/apply and will be launching a porn site in the coming year.

    Twitter: http://twitter.com/dsmodelsxxx

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    Images courtesy of Andrew Doncaster
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  • Sober Sex vs Party Sex

    Sober Sex vs Party Sex

    I think we all have different sexual ideals. So, finding a sex partner or play buddy who has similar ideals, is most important. My ideals are much different than my character’s ideals that are played out on camera.

    I find that most guys who are fans of my work, tend to be disappointed when they meet me, and find out that my interests with sex are much different than the character they see in the videos.

    I love sex.

    Connected sex.

    Passionate sex.

    “Sport sex” is fun for me, once in a great while. But, for the most part. It reminds me of work. Just a bunch of grunting and fucking doesn’t really spark my interest.

    A man who is an amazing kisser. Someone who really takes his time in bed. Slow. Hot. Romantic sex. That gets me off.

    Nick Capra

    How does it feel when having “party” sex as opposed to sober sex?

    Well, I got sober on Nov 26, 2013. But, I still remember what partying sex felt like, when I was in my addiction. I was a speed and crack user. When I would party, my body would become hypersensitive from the dope. So, of course, the sex felt amazing. Like an outer body experience. It lasted for hours and hours and it all felt really intense. Looking back on it I realize that although it felt that way, it was because I was so high. There really was no connection involved with my sex partners when we were high. We were so numbed out by the dope. It was impossible to establish an authentic connection with our sex. we were connected by the dope and the intensity of the dope.

    Sober sex. It’s much quicker. Lol. And maybe not as physically intense. However, when the body and mind are connected, the sex becomes much more authentic. It’s not being fueled by a synthetic chemical, it’s simply being fueled by whatever is generating the energy. That could be lust, love, infatuation, a crush. But whatever it is, it’s much more authentic, when sober. For me, anyways.

    Is drug use and party sex among gay men a huge concern? 

    It’s a huge concern, for so many reasons. When you’re under the influence, your sense of judgement is impaired. The risk of spreading diseases is heightened.

    However, it is extremely popular amongst gay men, for that very reason. When judgement is impaired, inhibitions get tossed aside. I think gay men still carry shame for their sexual fantasies, and drugs allow them to temporarily abandon that shame. The problem that I see, as a man in recovery: Gay men get sober, and they have no clue how to have sober sex. Once you have gotten into the steady pattern of a few drinks, a few bumps, then hot sex…how do you suddenly cope with having sober sex? You don’t, And so the cycle continues. Drugs. Sex.

    Drugs don’t allow you the luxury of having an honest discussion about sex with a partner. They don’t allow you the freedom of figuring out what your sex ideals are. Drugs kind of just give you the balls to jump off that cliff, without looking to see where you’re going to land.

    Can you tell us about your 12 step program which you are undergoing?

    I work the 12 steps out of the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous. Though, I’m primarily a drug addict. I have found that the recovery in AA is much more solid. I have a sponsor. I go to meetings. And, though it took awhile..my sex life is better now, than ever!

    What advice do you have for men who are into party sex?

    Listen. It’s not for me to be the arbiter of anyone else’ sex conduct. If guys are partying and having sex, with no repercussions. Mazel to them!

    That wasn’t my story. My sex life was very repetitive on dope. Get high. Have random sex. Get off. And get out.

    So for me..it became empty. And I wanted something more in my life.

    So, I would say to anyone out there who isn’t happy partying…there is hope. Your sex life will change, once you have straightened out your mind and body. I’m living proof of it!

    I have been in the sex industry since 2002. I shot my first video for Chi Chi LaRue, “Finish Me Off”, February 2002. Less than 11 months later, I moved from LA to NYC, and began working as a full time escort in the city. Since then, I’ve shot over 150 XXX videos, won awards, and traveled around the world, as an escort. I think I have learned quite a bit about myself, sexually, since then. Follow me on:

    Twitter: http://twitter.com/nickcapra

    Blog: http://www.pornstudblog.com

    Image courtesy of Nick Capra
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  • Sex tips for Bottoms

    Sex tips for Bottoms

    My personal views on bottoming has two sides …the personal …. and the professional. Bottoming is not always easy and when working in the porn industry, we don’t always get to choose the time and hour we feel comfortable to have a cock inside us…ouch.

    But the secret is in being prepared…..and by that I mean a good DOUBLE DOUCHE with about 45 minutes in-between. The other secret is having a GOOD top, get these right and you’re away.

    Nick North

    Challenges faced by the bottom during sex

    There are a few challenges faced during anal sex. Firstly, is being completely clean so that you are confident enough to really go for it without any little disasters. Again, this goes back to double douches which solves this problem.

    Find the position that you find easiest for penetration. I prefer to be on my back or sometimes sit on it then I can be in control.

    DOGGY STYLE – I find that is is the most painful, for me anyway. So I leave it to him to get warmed up and well into it before getting on all fours..

    Some tips to bottom without pain

    The pain is a problem. Unless you are getting fucked everyday all the time, then the muscle relaxes and it becomes easier the more you have. However, if it’s a less frequent part of the sex life, find your safe position and then once it is inside, slowly of course, leave it there for a good few minutes and let the muscle relax. Start slow and save the porn star antics for later in the session, and then you’re away.

    You can also use toys to warm you up at the start with a small dildo and work up to your fellas thang.

    Some recommended positions

    Position wise I think it may be a personal thing, but on your backside and sitting is my most comfortable. And doggy is my most painful, but the most dirty and fun one too…

    I hope u enjoy my tips on anal sex……follow me on Twitter @Nicknorthporn

    You can find my new movies on ALPHAMALES and MEN.COM coming soon…And see my live @the eagle London SAT 26TH SEPT

    Images courtesy of Nick North
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  • Kaitlyn Gender: Based on a Not so True Story

    Kaitlyn Gender: Based on a Not so True Story

    Trans500 Studios has officially wrapped their first Parody DVD  “Kaitlyn Gender: Based on a Not so True Story”.  With all the mainstream buzz about Caitlyn Jenner and her transition it was only appropriate to find the current “IT’ T-girl and shoot a worthy Parody.  Trans500 is no way making fun of any Trans woman’s transition struggle but Porn has never been the measure for morality and being politically correct.  Director Josh Stone and crew made sure to be aware that some may find the issue touchy but also to give viewers a high quality comedic Parody with an all-star cast.  The part of Kaitlyn Gender is played by Jonelle Brooks, who is a Florida conservative Transsexual with glamorous looks and perfect comedic timing.  Cast includes Ramon (Track Coach), Duncan Black (Athlete Juice Gender), Wendy Williams (Reporter Diana Sword), Toby Springs (Photographer), TS Kylie Marie and GG Pornstar Angelina Castro as Kimmie.  Jonelle gives a heated hardcore with Castro,then seduces the photographer and finally a seductive toy solo.  Williams after her Interview with Brooks delivers a solo with a big money shot, and Ramon gets to fuck Transsexual Starlet Kylie Marie.  That’s five scenes of hardcore and solo action in this Parody of 2015!

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    Kaitlyn Gender will be released on DVD September 24th by Pure Play Media.  Currently Award Winning retailer AdultDVDEmpire has the DVD for pre-order.  Trans500.com will also team up with VOD Company AEBN and release it exclusively for pay-per-view options.  KaitlynGender.com will also provide the scenes available for streaming and download in September.

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    “We really think that fans who enjoy a good Parody will be happy with how it turned out.” says Director Josh Stone.  “If you are a fan of Jonelle Brooks you get treated to seeing her be a top in two hardcore scenes and a intimate toy solo.”

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    Check out KaitlynGender.com for more information or follow on twitter @kaitlyngender.  Retailers can reach Pure Play at sales@pureplaymedia.com.  All Press/Media directed to Wendy of HotWendyPR.com

    Images courtesy of Trans500 Studios

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  • How to be a great Top

    How to be a great Top

    I find sex to be one of the most exciting things to enjoy with another person. Sex can be like music, depending on the song itself, it might not be to your taste and that goes with guys. If they say they are top and they have a small dick then it’s like metal, all sound and no performance. Guys that top have a responsibility, you may think you can just fuck someone and be done but you have to make sure the bottom is experiencing it the same way; otherwise the bottom can tighten and turn your pleasure into pain. I have topped and bottomed for guys and there is a whole world of difference in the two. As a top I had to make sure they were not hurting from the thrusts and as a bottom I had to find a way to make it comfortable for me but to also control the tops movement. It’s really difficult but so much fun when you hear them scream whether you are fucking them for entertainment or revenge.

    Is foreplay crucial?

    Foreplay is not crucial but fun, if they come home looking stressed, always start with a massage because not only do they instantly get naked for you, they can get stress relief from the foreplay and you can find parts of their body that makes them moan with pleasure. Foreplay shouldn’t be too long but can sometimes go too far. Blindfolding can be sexy with them not being able to see what’s coming, but don’t take it too far or the next thing you know, that whip you try to use will be fired back at you. My personal favorite is forbidden sex, going somewhere where sex is not allowed and having fun is definitely the way to go for me, especially when caught.

    Lube is helpful..

    I always use lube when I top because generally, guys who bottom can be quite tight so it helps alongside rimming them before. Just make sure they are clean before you decide to rim them or you could end up with a Hershey kiss. If they are allergic to lube like some guys, then rimming can be either one or the only alternative to make sure your cock remains attached to your body when you enter that tight hole. Although I think moisturizer, can be a very useful product. Moisturize the edges of the hole. That way, it doesn’t burn on the inside and you can slide in there like that guy has been bottom so much his ass can do the talking for him.

    Great Topping positions

    Guys have their own preferences, because there’s something good about each. Missionary gives both the ability to watch each other’s reactions. It also allows the top to masturbate the bottom as he strokes. The bottom can urge the top on with his hands on his ass, and if you’re into kissing, it’s good.

    Doggy is good for hard fast thrusting, and the top can pull the bottom into him by holding onto his waist. Being on your sides, gives good body contact, and the top can rub the bottoms chest, masturbate him, and play with his nipples, even suck them when the bottom puts his arm around the tops’ back. As far as body contact, the top can put all his weight against the bottom in both mission and doggy. A lot of bottoms love that for both the friction their erection gets (either on the stomach of the top in mission, or against the bed sheets in doggy), and the feeling of submission they get being trapped.

    All said, just experiment and try them all. You’ll find you like different parts of different positions, and probably at different times too.

    How to relax the Bottom

    A bottom is never ready; the only way you can help them is by making sure they are relaxed from the start. Teasing them and allowing them to take a little control can help them settle into the sex, drinking a little can also help. Nothing mad like shots or beer because that will set your stomach to go crazy once you add a cock. Go for a nice glass of wine watered down, that way it doesn’t settle and you have a little confidence (I’m speaking for the bottom to drink, not the top. A top to drink could mean a flaccid sex drive). As a bottom, you must also make sure your legs are close to your stomach, that way your anal experience will hurt less.

    Things the Top should note

    Tops need to look out for anal cleanliness, if that hole isn’t clean, than safe sex is the option to go. You don’t want your dick to look like you dipped it in the wrong chocolate. If your bottom boy is moaning in the wrong way, make sure you reposition him to help give him just as much pleasure as you are getting from fucking him senseless.

    The worst thing you can do is just jam it in. Unless your bottom is like a freeway on a ramp, a slow start is best. I find the best way to start is to slowly slide it in (with plenty of lube). Don’t get creative yet. Just watch and listen to their reaction. It gives them time to relax. It’s at this point that I have learned it’s better to grind rather than fuck. It’s the “in and out” that can be painful in the beginning but grinding slow is hot, passionate and a great way to start.

    I am going to be working at Manchester Gay Pride this year so drop by BarBar to see me in my extra special outfit. Sometime this year I will be going to South Africa to do some club appearance and two scenes are set to appear in the next month or two so be on the lookout for them. Other than that I am pretty free so check me out.

    Visit Leo Ocean‘s profile below and the links to follow him!

    Images courtesy of Leo Ocean

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  • How can you support a Transgender family member or friend?

    How can you support a Transgender family member or friend?

    Have a question on your mind about sex or seeking advice? Ask us on any topic and we’ll provide you with the answers from an expert. Send them in to editorial@simplysxy.com. 

    We have collected your questions on Transgender health issues, and are delighted to have Gavin Everard to answer them below.

    Question: How do I support a Transgender family member or friend?

    1. Believe and affirm their experience of their felt sex/gender. People usually struggle for years and years internally before they finally feel strong enough in themselves to come out to friends and family. It’s getting better, but most trans people still don’t even know that it’s possible to be transgender when they are growing up, or are told that they are bad or wrong for having those feelings.

    2. Use your friend or family member’s preferred pronoun, even if it feels hard at first.

    3. Support them financially if you can afford to do so. As mentioned above, most trans-specific care is not covered by insurance because insurers are bigoted, not family with the newest research and guidelines, and they make money by coming up with reasons not to cover care. This care, if people want it (not all trans people do) is vitally important for people’s mental and physical well-being, and people are often forced to delay getting it for years while they save up. Helping your friend or loved one reach their medical goals sooner can help them avoid more serious health problems down the road. For example, trans men who bind their breasts to get a more male-appearing chest develop back, lung and even heart problems over time due to the constant squeeze.

    4. Advocate for trans people in conversation with your friends or co-workers. Don’t let people say bigoted things on your watch. Correct people, educate them, and make it clear that hateful or ill-informed talk about transgender people will not be tolerated in your presence. We don’t do the work of making the world safer for transgender and gender non-conforming people on our own. We need your help.

    Gavin Everard is an acupuncturist who works with primarily queer and trans clients on chronic pain, urogenital issues and trauma healing. Gavin also trains healthcare providers on how to give trans-competent care.

    Images courtesy of Gavin Everard
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