SimplySxy

Author: Jakeb Arturio Braden

  • What is your HIV status?

    What is your HIV status?

    Well December 1st is of course World Aids Day, the day that’s set aside to remember people who are no longer with us because of HIV and AIDS, and to remember those everywhere living with HIV and AIDS.

    Now thankfully, more and more people are living well with HIV although they have to stick a life on medications and this isn’t always easy. Let us remember at one time, thousands of our Gay and Bi brothers were dying of HIV related conditions a year.

    This year has seen an alarming jump in the number of Gay men testing positive for HIV, and yes as whereas more men are testing for HIV overall and this can account for the rise in some ways, somehow and somewhere men are still taking risks and contracting HIV. I know myself. I have taken risks in the past and I have accepted responsibility for myself in that respect. I am lucky to have tested negative so I am aware of my current HIV status.

    There has been a lot of debate in sexual health promotion circles and amongst HIV organisations about the disclosure and negotiations around sex and awareness of ones HIV status. Absolutely awareness of one’s status is important. With awareness comes knowledge and being to make decisions about the sex you want and will have.

    Even now with advances in the ways that we can prevent HIV transmission such Prep and Pep. PrEP means Pre-Exposure Prophylaxis, and it’s the use of anti-HIV medication that keeps HIV negative people from becoming infected. Pep is Post Exposure Prophylaxis, something guys take if they feel they have been exposed to the virus. There is still fear and stigma about HIV in our communities.

    Despite the fact that if an HIV+ gay man is and had an undetectable viral load (amount of HIV present in blood/semen etc.) he is highly unlikely to pass the virus on and if the untested or negative guy is on Prep then research in 4,000 couples has shown that no transmission will take place. A recent survey in the UK revealed 45% of gay men would not sleep with a HIV+ guy. Seriously what’s that about?

    This stigma and positive men feeling that they may be rejected by potential partners, because of their HIV status, and this happens to many HIV+ men (and the research in the UK sadly agrees with this). So this is a real barrier to men to talk openly about their HIV status!

    I can’t help but wonder; perhaps more can be done to support men to deal with potential rejection? You know to feel, well, if you can’t accept my HIV status or you won’t have sex with me because of my status (and remember there are so many safe sexy things to do with another men, plus advances in prevention that doesn’t involve condoms), then that’s your issue not mine. This is about judging men who do this either; they in some way need support as well. Perhaps when they get reactions along the lines of I’m HIV+, if that’s an issue for you, then sort it yourself and they may go on to look at changing their attitudes. While people remain silent and not talk about it, or disclose it, then the issues remain as men do not get the chance to be challenged around their attitudes to HIV + men or the chance to change their attitudes towards it as well.

    We all need support in this and we can all have our own attitudes or worries or concerns about HIV and AIDS. At the moment it’s not going away and men are still contracting HIV, so isn’t it better that we all have a different attitude and willingness to be open about our HIV status, whatever that may be?

    Remember, talking about it and challenging people’s ideas, stereotypes or prejudice is the only way we can.

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  • Are we all just a bunch of dicks?

    Are we all just a bunch of dicks?

    Now I used to use two “social networking” apps, Grindr and Scruff, more out of habit and also still a vague belief that I may actually meet someone half decent after all I am on there and I am half decent.

    Now as someone who has a wealth of experience of working in sexual health promotion, HIV prevention and also general emotional support roles for gay and bisexual men, I am no prude. Why I am saying this, well, it’s the context of what I am about to say! I can tell you some of my experiences that would make men think twice.

    Now it’s enough that many profiles are faceless, body shots or some other random picture other than your face. Now I appreciate that being a gay is still an issue for some guys and there is plenty of support out there if you want it! (Another blog about the “closets” issue another time) However, why when one (I) asks for a face picture, am I greeted with a pic of their dick or cock or arse as an opener than just a Hi! Would I go around a bar with my face covered, poke someone in the back, get my dick out and wave it about really thinking that I will get laid that way? I think not, even in saunas you can see a bloke’s face, whole body and not just his cock or arse! The whole point of having a profile and info there is to give a sense of what and who you are, yes, even if it is just a one off encounter. I really have to wonder just how many gay men have sexual addiction problems and many agencies just aren’t going there and if anything colluding with the behaviour with sometimes very PRO sex, sexual health campaigns!

    Now I am not subscribing to the Mary Whitehouse school of sexual repressions. I like and enjoy sex as much as the next man and have had a reasonable amount of sexual partners in the past, even if it has been almost 14 months since I last had sex. I just feel that we (as a gay male community) really don’t make the effort any more in pursuing sex. We just expect to message someone, turn up at a random strangers house and have sex! Even without seeing who they are first! I have lost count of the amount of men who have expected that of me lol! Even though I was accused of being a bare backing crystal meth head because of some of my pics, despite them being about 5% of my pics, all the other ones of my face, my body and one of my cock. Which brings me back to the pics issue, why do we need to see 10, 15 or 20 pics of it! One is enough surely, when I have sex with a man, it’s not just his cock and arse that I am interested in, but his face as well his body etc!

    Surely putting in a bit of effort is part of the fun of the pursuit? Having a few more face pics, details in your profile about you etc. Not just about what you “demand” in a sexual partner or what you’re looking for, how about what you have to offer as well. Nothing worse than the narcissistic bloke who thinks he’s so amazing that we ought to be lining up for him. Surely sexual interaction is a two way street, or if you’re wanting more, then dating is a two way process!

    Or are we just a bunch of dicks really now! Just our cocks or arses and nothing more or less?

    I feel we are more than that and worth more than that!

     

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  • Demonisation of the Masculine

    Demonisation of the Masculine

    Now before I get hated on for saying what I am about to say, I will be very very clear here. I have absolutely nothing against, campness, effeminacy, flamboyance and wearing drag etc. I will be honest sexually, I am attracted to more masculine orientated gay men.

    I have noticed of late a reclaiming of this identity in our community. I see increasingly more regularly at charity events, gay men in drag or wearing dresses make up etc. Even most LGB&T charities now dictate that everything has to be pink (T Shirts, Hi Viz Jackets etc). I am not sure if this a lack of originality or an agenda to push one way of being over another. I get the need to make this a way of being acceptable due to the homophobia and discrimination against gay and bisexual men. I saw the backlash over what Russell Tovey said a few months ago, even though it was taken completely out of context and a whole heap of hate was directed at him!

    Now my issue is that masculine gay men are demonised and seen as in denial, like saying the only acceptable way to be gay is to be camp, outgoing, flamboyant etc. Now what sort of message is that? We are seen as haters, homophobes and all manner of things just because we are the way we are. Some of this is bitterness because we are attracted to other masculine men. A lot of it though is ignorance and intolerance of difference. Recently, a professional rugby player came out, one reason given was that he felt that gay men were one thing or could only be one thing and this is down in part to media representation and a lot to do with our own communities. He felt he couldn’t be gay as he didn’t fit that stereotype we are now promoting fully.

    So this demonization of masculine gay men is detrimental to our community. It’s preventing many men from coming out as they see perhaps that this is the only way to be. This is harmful to them and causes so much distress and anxiety about who they are and where they fit in with our community. Yes I know we have the bear community which is seen as alternative and predominately masculine but even there, there are rules and regulations that dictate whether or not you will be accepted (beard, belly, bulk etc).

    Surely we are all in this together however we orientate in terms of expression of identity and we all have a right to be who we truly are without having to behave in a way in order to fit in and be accepted. Otherwise why are we fighting for equality?

     

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  • LGBTv Production Company: TV for LGB&T people by LGB&T people

    LGBTv Production Company: TV for LGB&T people by LGB&T people

    I have been involved LGB&T issues for most of my adult life especially after coming out at 22 and going to my first gay-rights protest a few weeks after. I have always been very politically aware and concerned about equality.

    Now we have made great strides in terms of equality in many countries. In the news recently, there was the SCOTUS decision in the USA legalising same-sex marriage in all the states and Ireland voting overwhelmingly in favour of marriage equality. However, while news like this is an encouraging-step in the direction of progress, many countries still face a struggle for equality.

    Today in many countries including the UK, Europe and USA , LGB&T representation in the media is poor. Many programmes, films and series still don’t have LGB&T characters, let alone regular ones and when they do, they are often stereotypical characters. Even when Gay Prides are covered by the media, they go for the extremes.

    This disparity has spurred a conversation between me and a good friend of mine. With the launch of a TV station in Manchester where I live, my friend and I said why don’t we make TV programmes about LGB&T people by LGB&T people and readjust the balance. And so LGBTv Manchester was born (the name being my idea). Shockingly, when we checked their license bid LGB&T communities weren’t mentioned, which is unusual because now Manchester has a sizeable LGB&T community. So my friend contacted a few of his friends and with skilled networking and a few weeks later, he had bought proper TV cameras and equipment needed for the programmes. We set up our social media coverage and introduced our mission statement:

    “Our mission is to produce high-quality television programmes which represent the gay, lesbian, bi-sexual and transgendered community in Manchester, the UK and further afield. Our aim is to inform, inspire, entertain, and portray LGBT peoples and communities, concerns, issues and events with respect, integrity, empathy, sympathy, intelligence and humour.  With professionalism and industry experience, we aim to remain positive, non-judgmental and unbiased in both the programmes we produce and the process of making them. We intend to take an upbeat, positive approach to our content depicting the best of LGBT life and events in Manchester “

    We recorded our first piece a few months later. This was a bare event and it was a steep learning curve for many of us in terms of production. Very quickly, LGBTv was becoming recognised around the Gay Village in Manchester for we had covered Manchester Gay Pride, numerous community events as well political issues. We have built up a reputation for being the go to people for LGB&T issues in TV production. Last year, when we covered the biggest transgender pride in the world, some of the feedback we got about the piece was its just how trans communities wanted to be represented by the media

    We hope to be offered commissioned work in the future so we can do this full time and be paid as well, as at the moment we are fitting this around our day jobs and other commitments. We’ve some exciting plans to cover some more meaty topics and issues affecting LGB&T communities. It’s been really hard work, yet very worthwhile to ensure that all our communities are covered in the media in the manner they deserved to be represented in the media.

    Check us out at www.lgbtv.co.uk

    Youtube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCUKusi5VfTj44FFipUPYJWg/videos

    Facebook https://www.facebook.com/lgbtv.manchester

    Twitter https://twitter.com/LGBTvManchester

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  • Tis the season to feel proud

    Tis the season to feel proud

    So its late Spring and throughout many countries in the world Gay (LGB&T) Pride season starts. I still remember my first Pride in 1992. I was 23 and I had just come out a few months earlier. I had made some gay friends and they took me to London Pride. Where I lived and grew up in a small town, there were no Gay role models at that time, there was no internet, no apps etc so as far as I knew I was the only gay in the village. It was the early 1990s and LGB&T people were only beginning to be accepted in society, although there was still a lot of homophobia around, and here in the UK, the age of consent for gay men was 21.

    Now I recall my excitement and amazement at just how many LGB&T people there were, just how many handsome gorgeous men were GAY! My heart burst open with excitement of all the opportunities for sex, romance, love and pleasure that were now possible for me (I was moving to London later that year to study) Anyway, only two things really marred that day, the homophobia from the Police on the march, their aggressive stance and body language and how amazing that just a few years later the Gay Police Association would lead the Pride March. The other was the homophobia we encountered when we got off at Brixton Tube to go to the event in Park. The street was lined with people who spat and called us Batty men. The event in the park was amazing and was mostly hosted by LGB&T popstars and activists and it was FREE! None of these boybands and popstars charging £50,000 to perform.

    Straight people often ask, why Gay Pride? Why do we need to do this? Well remember that there are still many LGB&T people coming out, coming out in small towns and villages where they feel like the only gay person in the village. Some still experience discrimination and prejudice and are rejected by their families for doing so and society still has stereotypical images and perceptions of who LGB&T people are. In many ways, Gay Pride challenges that and for the newbies it’s a powerful reminder that they are not alone, that they have a whole new family of LGB&T brothers and sisters out there, with so many choices and support if they need it.

    We also need to remember that in far too many countries, our LGB&T brothers and sisters face persecution, death, imprisonment and don’t have Pride marches to go on. They don’t have the luxury of marching down the street with rainbow flags and crowds of people waving them on and celebrating with them.

    So this Pride season march is for them, March for the ones who are just coming out. For the ones in the closet and afraid to come out. March to acknowledge how far we have come and how much work we have to do to help free our LGB&T brothers and sisters around the world who live under homophobic and transphobic laws, tyranny and persecution.

    Have a happy proud pride season.

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  • IDAHOT Day: What is May 17?

    IDAHOT Day: What is May 17?

    May 17th is IDAHOT day, International Day Against Homophobia and Transphobia. So what’s it about, well it was created in 2004 to draw the attention of policymakers, opinion leaders, social movements, the public and the media to the violence and discrimination experienced by LGBTI people internationally.

    Some of us are lucky to live in countries where LGB&T people are protected from discrimination in the law some still have almost full equality with marriage equality being the latest to be added to the list of victories for LGB&T people, however this doesn’t mean that we do not experience homophobia, bipohobia and transphobia hate crimes, language or attitudes. It means we have some protection in the law, yet even on social media sites such as facebook, twitter and you tube homophobic language is prolific and often unchallenged by people and often when people face reported it, it hasn’t been dealt with. We hear stories of young people such as Leelah Alcorn who still feel it’s better to take their own lives than be who there are. So we still some way to go to exorcising the demon of homophobia, transphobia and biphobia from society, however we do have rights.

    We can do well to remember how hard we fought for these rights and how now we need to turn our focus to countries where LGB&T people are persecuted and face discrimination, even torture, imprisonment and death! Look at ISIS and what’s happening in Syria and Iraq, where suspected gay men have been thrown off buildings and if they survived that stoned to death. Stories in the media of transwoman being murdered in Brazil and Latin America. The list is endless, what do our LGB&T brothers and sisters in these countries need, they need the media attention of the world focused on them, they need politicians and international organisations campaigning on their behalf. They need us to spread the word, to campaign as well write our leaders for them to lobby and advocate for us on their behalf.

    This is why IDAHOT day is so important its for us to remember how far we have we come as well as for us to work on supporting our LGB&T brothers and sisters elsewhere have a chance of those rights as well. So donate some money, better still donate your time with a local LGB&T charity to campaign and raise awareness of this issue to our less informed heterosexual families, friends, co workers etc.

    Remember we are far stronger together and international pressure will help them and let them know they’re not alone.

    Jakeb

    For more information please refer to the following links:
    http://dayagainsthomophobia.org/what-is-may-17th/
    www.twitter.com/authenticgayblg
    www.theauthenticgayblog.wordpress.com
    www.youtube.com/user/NorthernFella
    www.lgbtv.co.uk

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  • Embracing the inner pervert

    Embracing the inner pervert

    After interviewing various men with rubber fetish for a piece I am working on for LGBTv (www.lgbtv.co.uk), it got me thinking about all the different types of fetish.

    I recently bought a pair of leather trousers, to go with my leather waist coat and shorts, however sadly it was stolen while I was recording these interviews. I wonder if rubber is a fetish or could it be fashion? For some it is merely a fashion statement, I would imagine they will get a shock if someone pissed on them, lol. For many others it is a fetish, either enjoying how it feels or liking watersports or both. Personally I quite like seeing guys wet their pants. That is a big turn on for me and I am quite happy to openly admit it. However many guys do not openly admit their fetishes, whatever they are. I have also recently re-embraced leather and aim to get myself fully kitted out including a paddle. I like a bit of S&M as well and again not afraid to admit it.

    So is it wrong to have a kink? Enjoy a fetish? Well as long as you’re not imposing it on someone or it’s not overtaking your life in some way then of course not.

    I am sure we all have our own little or big kinks, so why not enjoy them and talk more openly about them without judging ourselves or other for having them.

    Explore them either with yourself or someone else and see where it leads to. Sex is can be and should be fun as well as bringing two people together and exploring and trusting someone with sharing our kinks and fetishes with someone is a good way to this and of course very enjoyable as well.

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  • Under Pressure to Perform During Sex

    Under Pressure to Perform During Sex

    So my name is Jakeb Arturio Braden and I have been writing articles and vlogging for many years now on the issues that affect my gay and bisexual brothers.

    So I am bearded and masculine and would classify as a bear of sorts and I have been and seen a lot of changes in things over the past 23 years since I first came out as gay.

    I enjoy sex, good sex, horny sexy feeling that deep connection with another man. I can’t help but think though that as gay and bisexual men we may put too much value in it as a way of expressing ourselves and connecting to each other. Especially in the bear community, every Bear film, photoshoot etc seems to always depict that sex is easy to come by. Always horny and we’re always ready for action at the drop of a hat. I recently watched Bear City 2 and Where the Bears Are Season Three.  Both these showed a parade of hot bears having porn style sex etc. Yes, Iain Parks is horny and physically my ideal bloke even though there are many sexy blokes in Where the Bears Are.

    Now I am not saying that this is necessarily a bad thing! I can’t help but wonder if we put ourselves under undue pressure in regards to our sex lives; what and how sex should be. Perhaps having unfair expectations of ourselves and our sexual partners. I am amazed at how many times guy lose interest because I am not going to turn up at their homes and perform like a porn star. Instant gratification much? Personally, I find the build up as much fun as actually having sex.  What is this really about? Have we really as a community just become a porn film or stereotype forced on us by the Gay Media?

    What is wrong about wanting a bit more from sex? Wanting a sense of connection.

    I am sure that actually, the intense passion and abandonment is more likely with someone you have spent some time to get to know than with someone you feel pressurised to “perform” for!  I’m not saying that it has to be all hearts and flowers, yet don’t we owe it to ourselves and each other to treat each other with a bit more respect than purely seeing each other as sexual objects?

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