Tag: Sexuality

How To Explore & Be Confident Of Your Sexuality

To preface, all discussion on sex assumes consent between adults.

Sex: We all get the urge to varying degrees and engage in sexual acts for different reasons. Some, of course, view it as primarily reproductive. Others, as a primal instinct that needs to be tended to when the urge arises. Sex is even an art form, as many sex workers display so well. Although there are elements of these that are undeniably true, I have a more general approach to sex.

To me, sex is a culminating experience that occurs when mutual attraction and connection grows so strong that the natural way to express it is to take each other’s body and mind on a pleasureful journey that showcases the special bond you have together. This can be expressed in a myriad of ways depending on each unique relationship: sub loyally serving their Dom(me), a mutually tantric couple edging each other with an array of touches, or even a group of three or more lustfully sharing each other.

For me, each relationship carries with it a unique sexual expression shared between that person and I. That’s what makes it amazing.

Is Exploring One’s Sexuality Key To A Good Sex Life?

It seems to me that without knowing or understanding your own sexuality, it will inhibit the full potential of a good sex life. Many are forced to grow up in communities and households where multiple partners, same-sex, fetish, BDSM, and other desires are taboo or discouraged. This makes someone with a sexuality with those traits to feel shame throughout their life for having those desires and preferences. It also builds a pile of pre-conceived notions about sex that can inhibit an exploration and knowledge of our own sexuality.

Once you begin to open up and allow yourself to explore your own sexuality in a way that is comfortable for you, you begin to see the preferences you didn’t know you had: Wow this person of the same-sex really turned me on in a way I never felt before, or OMG, this Domme makes me want to get down and suck her toes, or any other desire. When you are able to know all the ways your sex drive is triggered, the more complete your own sex life will be.

Of course, the last ingredient is essential for a good sex life. A partner with which your sexuality is compatible. The lack of opening up with one’s partner(s) about your own sexuality or simply not find a sexually compatible partner, can also inhibit a good sex life. This is one major reason sex work exists.

Ways To Explore One’s Sexuality By Yourself

There are many ways you can explore sexuality by yourself. One natural way is through self-pleasure and masturbation. You can watch porn, interact with someone virtually, or just lay there letting your mind dive into a fantasy and your toys, hands, or fingers explore your body. This is typically how someone starts exploring before adding in partners.

I still remember the first time I started exploring my body. For the longest time that was all I did sexually. Just explored on my own until I was 18. I met people online and would have phone and cyber sex exploring fetishes, fantasies, and learning that I liked same-sex partners too. At first, I actually didn’t mentally go there on my own. I only began thinking about it through online play that sparked my interest. I began exploring myself in new ways including experimenting with fingering and toying. I knew my sexuality was much more complex than I had thought and loved exploring and coming up with fantasies in my head. My own sexual exploration laid the groundwork to my current work 🙂

In the end though, you do need real life interaction and touch to fully explore outside of oneself.

Common Concerns Men Have When Exploring Their Sexuality

The most common concern in exploring your sexuality as a man is, of course, others not accepting you for who you are. But another angle many forget is the issue of not accepting yourself for who you are either. Since some types of sexuality are more marginalized than others, it goes without saying that folks will find outlets for their desires. Whether it is watching porn, scrolling through Tinder, or hiring a sex worker, folks will find an outlet to express themselves discreetly if they are aware of their sexuality. However, many times I receive messages saying, “wow, I am not normally attracted to men, but there is something about you!” I always respond with sensitivity and understanding because many stigmatize their own thoughts. It is totally okay to be attracted to someone! We never really know why. It just is 🙂

Many need confirmation, acceptance, safety, and comfort to explore their sexuality. They just don’t know how to find it, or how to come to terms with themselves.

Male ego or machismo can get in the way from allowing oneself to dive deeper into their own sexuality. But of course, being bi, gay, a sub, having a panty fetish, or just liking dicks or butts and not other parts of a man yet or anything else, doesn’t make you any less manly. If anything, it is probably more of the norm, it’s just typically kept to oneself due to stigmas 😉

One Last Piece Of Advice

My own advice would be to remain open minded and honest with yourself. Allow yourself to explore your sexuality. Step out of your comfort zones and experiment by yourself or safely with others. You will probably be surprised to find out you are attracted to more than you think. This will allow you to have a more comprehensive and fulfilling sex life.

Ryan Fantasy – Hi! My name is Ryan Fantasy and I’m a cute boy who tailors to men’s and women’s needs. I specialize in sensual, fantasy, and sexuality exploration. I’m a sweet, caring, witty, and intelligent companion for any occasion.

Follow Ryan on

Twitter: @RyanFantasy26
Switter: @RyanFantasy@switter.at
Tryst: https://tryst.link/escort/ryan-fantasy

Currently offering virtual services only due to Covid-19. In-person services will resume once it is safe.

Images From Ryan Fantasy

Like to be featured on SimplySxy? Drop us an email at editorial@SimplySxy.com!

April 23, 2020
Intimacy For Older Gentlemen

Sexuality and its expression is part of being a healthy person. The hormones released such as serotonin, oxytocin, dopamine, all have positive effect on our well being and bonding.

People differ in how they express that sexuality as some enjoy the kink side of sexuality and some of us are more vanilla but a large part of it is mental and we all can indulge ourselves in the thought process.

Sexy thoughts about the fun and the experience we can have arouses sexy expression and better experiences. Keeping that mental part alive is an important part of experiencing great sex as we age.

Differences Between The Needs Of Older & Younger Gentlemen

Older men enjoy the journey and often prefer a relaxed, non rushed atmosphere. Performance anxiety may be present if ED is an issue and thus patience is needed and plenty of teasing and working to build excitement. However, many men enjoy the journey and don’t worry if the destination takes a different path and doesn’t arrive at an “earth shattering orgasm” but enjoy pleasing a partner and the closeness and mental sexiness of being in the moment, kissing and cuddling.

What Do Older Gentlemen Do Better In Bed?

They tend to be more able to provide the sensual experience the majority of women appreciate, taking time to stimulate us and are tuned into our reactions and know the subtle signs of our heightened stimulation. They tend to know where erogenous areas of a woman’s body are and often realize that porn is not the manifestation of that ultimate experience and expression, but merely visually fun. I personally enjoy men in my age bracket over younger men as they stimulate both my mind and body through shared history and because older men have, for the most part; become attuned to women’s needs.

Advantages Of A Longer Date

Again, the mind plays a huge role in the build up of sexual experience and expression, and for older men, the appreciation of time spent over dinner, for example; anticipating the intimacy to come and then the slow, deep kissing, undressing and caressing and non-rushed feeling allows for a more intense, juicer time with a woman. There’s less concern about performance and thus ED may be a non issue in the relaxed time together .

There is also a certain romantic element that enters into play that goes with the longer engagement that appeals to mature men and women on a date, if it’s a dinner date or longer and a naturalness that has an appeal for many.

Tips For An Unforgettable Date

I am in a service role in a sense and recalling that with my own boundaries in mind is important to me. Listening to conversations actively, adding the romance by holding hands in public when appropriate, and being sure to keep my focus on my company in public and private sphere, add to the experience.

Staying positive and relaxed and seeking to find any personal touches I can address in the setting that are thoughtful and may not even have to do with sexual expression; the trip to the coffee bar in the morning , calling the Uber for dinner, thoughtful and simple gestures can mean so much to create a memory. The sex may be memorable but the sum package of fun is in the small gestures, too.

Bailey Rae – I am a mature Southern California courtesan who enjoys the company of her peers for longer engagements, though shorter engagements are available. Please see my information here.

Follow Bailey Rae on

Twitter: @BaileyRayMuse

Website:

https://www.baileysoutherncalifornia.com/

https://tryst.link/escort/bailey-ray

Email: BaileyofSouthernCalifornia@protonmail.com

Incall available in Palm Springs with at least a weeks notice, but I’m mainly outcall with a businessman’s needs in mind for a change of pace from dining alone and spending the night staring at the television.

Article photos courtesy of Bailey Rae; featured image from Shutterstock

Like to be featured on SimplySxy? Drop us an email at editorial@SimplySxy.com!

July 8, 2019
Finding Genuine Enjoyment: 6 Ways to Explore Your Sexuality

Most people don’t really find their way sexually speaking until they reach their 30s or 40s. Sex in our 20s is often unfulfilling, both physically and emotionally. It takes time for us to feel comfortable with our bodies and meet partners who are not selfish or inexperienced. The older we get, the better we know our bodies and what we like. With age comes self-confidence. If your sex life isn’t ticking as many boxes as you’d like, here are some ideas to help you explore your sexuality.

Get to Know Your Body

Around 10-15% of women don’t experience orgasm during sex. Of those that do, 75% don’t achieve orgasm through penetrative sex. 90% of men, on the other hand, reach orgasm when they have sex.

Biological differences make it harder for women to have an orgasm. Most men discover their penis at a young age and soon learn that it is an endless source of pleasure, whereas women are less likely to masturbate and learn what stimulates them and gives them pleasure.

It’s very hard to have positive sexual experiences if you have no idea what you like or how your body responds to sexual stimulation. Get to know your body intimately. Explore every bit of your body when you are feeling relaxed, such as in the bath or under the duvet late at night. If you have no idea what an orgasm feels like, start with a vibrator. Once you can orgasm with a vibrator, you can try manual stimulation.

It is now really easy to buy sex toys like vibrators or g-spot stimulators online. Nobody needs to know what you’re buying; parcels are usually delivered in plain packaging, so no embarrassment!

Be Open to New Experiences

Don’t let the fear of being judged by others dissuade you from trying new sexual experiences. If you have a secret fantasy about kissing a woman, hook up with your best friend. You never know, your friendship might reach a whole new level of enjoyment. And if it ends there, at least you can both giggle about it later.

Date Someone Much Older

Everyone should have at least one experience of dating an older man or woman. Older partners have life experience and the self-confidence to take charge in bed. It’s a great way to learn a few new tricks, which you can use to wow future partners.

Date Someone Much Younger

By the same token, nothing beats taking a toy boy or sugar baby lover – at least for a while. You can be the lucky recipient of envious looks and have fun exploring a taut, sexy body in bed. What’s not to like about that? Younger lovers also have a lot more stamina, which has its perks!

Try Out Your Wildest Fantasies at Least Once

We all have a bucket list of secret sexual fantasies, from threesomes with George Clooney and Matt Damon to attending a sex party dressed in a rubber catsuit. OK, so perhaps some of your fantasies are best kept to yourself, but if you have a fantasy that’s legal and doable, why not make it happen?

Whatever crazy fantasy you decide to tick off your bucket list, always do it with someone who respects you and your boundaries.

Know that it’s OK to Have Sex Without Love

Don’t get too hung up on the notion that sex must be a part of love. It doesn’t have to be. Once you get your head around the idea that you can have great sex without falling in love, it frees you up to experiment guilt-free.

Sex gets better the more we do it. As long as you practice safe sex and don’t take stupid risks, you have nothing to be afraid of!

Photo from Shutterstock

Like to be featured on SimplySxy? Drop us an email at editorial@SimplySxy.com!

June 17, 2019
The Ultimate Brain SEX for HER

He captivated me with his words telling me how sexy I was, how sweet my lips tasted as he lightly swept his hand down my side. “Lay still”, he said as he spread my legs and teased my inner thighs with his kisses. “Close your eyes and lay on your back, arch your back for me so I can look at your sexy body”, he said with authority. As I did that, he ran his hand from my foot up between my legs parting them even wider as he softly teased my inner thighs, and kissing my swollen clitoris. I could feel my entire body shaking at this point, wet with anticipation and a longing for him to command me what to do next with his words.

There is nothing sexier than a man with a BIG brain that knows how to use it to turn his partner on. Brain sex can be the ultimate tease for a woman and a sexual advantage for a man that knows just what to say. It is no secret that women get turned on by sexy stories, as any book store can attest to this—just take a gander down the romance isles. Many of these books written for women about romance defiantly have an element of what others may deem as soft porn. With this knowledge at any man’s finger tips, you would think that almost all men have gathered these books, researched them and tried them out on their partners. If it was that easy, every man would have women melting in their hand … RIGHT?

The most difficult task though is how and when you deliver these sexy words to her. Timing and delivery is everything, this is why turning popular books such as 50 Shades of Grey and the Twilight saga from book to screen lost some of its sex appeal. The trick is to know your partner. Each woman is unique in her response to brain SEX and tapping into her sexomoter is the first step. A man that delivers his sexy words with confidence is going to be quite different than a man saying the same words without confidence. Choosing the right moment is as important when you have her full attention and this can be done with a simple text a couple times during the day. As the sun goes down, teasing her as to what you have planned to do to her later that evening will leave her with anticipation. Mental foreplay is a caveat to brain SEX. Lastly, once you have her full attention you can also place a blindfold on her eyes while she listens to you telling her what you want her to do, without any visual distraction. Testing out your techniques on her is part of the fun as well as trying new ways to stimulate her brain leading ultimately to mind blowing sex for the both of you.

Have a question on your mind related to sex? Send them in to editorial@simplysxy.com!

Dawn Michael is a Certified Clinical Sexologist and Intimacy Counselor. Her proven techniques have helped thousands of couples to not only improve their sex lives but the intimacy in their marriage as well. Read the rest of her profile below!

Featured image courtesy of Shutterstock

March 27, 2016
“The Future of Sex” – Closing Insights from Sarah Calleja

The future of sex has arrived

Have you explored virtual sex toys that promise ‘interactive sex’ with another person over the Internet? Would you consider sex with a robot? What about ‘Smart insertables’ which help women train their pelvic floor muscles with games? Have you heard US regulators have just approved the release of “female Viagra”, a drug known as Addyi?

Welcome to the future that’s customizing individual sexual options.

The New York Toy Collective believe that consenting adults should be able to have whatever kind of sex they want, with whoever they want, regardless of the body they or their partner were born with. They specialize in self-affirming products for all forms of sexual expression and are the first and only company to use 3D scanning technology to allow consumers to create sex toys modelled after their own bodies.

For those who own a 3-D printer, the site MakerLove offers all types of free sex toy designs for downloading for people who want the freedom to privately own their own pleasure.

For those wanting more than the standard sex robot, at between $US6,000 to $US60,000 Hermaphrodite-doll enthusiasts can order removable genitals so they can go back and forth between genders. A Pew Research Centre report claims that by 2025 robot sex will be “commonplace.”

HappyPlayTime’s Mascot!

Apps like SexPositive, developed by the University of Oregon, teach safe sex practices though a fun, nonjudgmental interface. The cartoonish app HappyPlayTime tries to take the stigma out of female masturbation by guiding women through the process.

Dating apps can provoke anxiety with users when people are unsure how to best manage protocols like writing their bios; including photos; being honest about age; exaggerating positives or considering outright lying.

Some people worry about being shamed when on various dating sites or exposed by hackers on sites like Ashley Madison. It would be interesting to have a discussion why up to 31 million on Ashley Madison alone are not so concerned about internet privacy and will pay for the opportunity to explore sexual fantasy with a random stranger and not their partner.

Technology can also be used to enable healthy sexual expression. Safe sex apps are readily available to facilitate a healthier sex life.

Award winning educational apps like Parents, tweens and sex app enable and empower parents and their tweens to improve communication and advocacy when discussing confronting sexual issues.

Explore Women’s sex allows users to appreciate the clitoral anatomy and how they are involved in sexual arousal.

Dating IRL (In Real Life) anymore?

In the recent past, lengthy surveys designed to figure out who you are made predictions for compatibility. Now, intuitive technology learns your preferences based on your actions. Online dating trends reveal almost a quarter of online daters find a spouse or long-term partner through online dating but, women get a ton more attention than men.

While in the past we met prospective partners through work, family or a shared interest, the new wave of ‘meet ups’ which are independently-run and based on single people’s quirks and interests are responding to people’s desire to meet IRL.

When people meet IRL, they can read facial and body cues when interacting with other people. Grooming, hygiene, socio-economic status and capacity to communicate are also considerations for people when assessing a prospective partner.

IRL separates digital fiction from reality.

Does technology help relationship sex – you know the type between live, consenting adults across the sexual spectrum? Or, is technology the new ‘secret affair’ that demands our attention and disrupts, corrupts and interrupts love?

To be the best lover, you must be ‘present’ and ‘in the moment’ with your partner, to activate all your senses, smell, touch, sight, sound and hearing. This allows you to be fully present, in thought, word and deed. It isn’t about sex toys; it’s about connecting, being curious, reaching out, experimenting, tuning in and responding in kind. It’s about being desired and validating your capacity to be pleasured and to do the pleasuring. It’s about getting off on the chemistry.

Or, we could choose to have sex with (compliant) robots and a future where sex devices interact with a movie or a computer avatar.

Or both….

My personal and professional experience has been that we all value physical and emotional intimacy too much to give that up. It seems like the future trend is IRL, because a virtual relationship isn’t sustainable. Playing with technology helps us to engage our curiosity, play and experiment with our casual or long term partners in ways that were never possible in the past, but –

If a time came when a robot could give us more pleasure than a human, then we humans should be trying harder!

Sarah Calleja is a Counselling Psychologist and Clinical Sexologist, media consultant, author, and app developer.

When Sarah isn’t hard at work as a counselling psychologist and clinical sexologist, or consulting for the media, she loves being a trendsetter in the field of sexology. Sarah regularly presents at international conferences and creates training sessions for health professionals. She writes opinion-editorials for a variety of media and personal blogs can be viewed on her website.

Sarah’s new app, ‘Parents, Tweens and Sex’, a first of its kind app for the iPad designed in collaboration with Swinburne University and featured as a finalist in the digital design category of the 2013 Premier’s Design Awards. This interactive app empowers parents and tweens with the necessary resources to make informed choices to be mindful, comfortable, respectful and responsive when they choose to engage in sexual relationships.

Sarah is also a wife, mother, mentor, friend and the proud owner of laugh lines!

This article has been republished with permission by Sarah Calleja. To view the original post, read it here

Images courtesy of Nina Calleja
Have an amazing experience or tips you like to share on SimplySxy? Drop us an email at editorial@SimplySxy.com!

December 18, 2015
Why is defining sex so damn complicated? Sarah Calleja kicks off SEXtember!

SEX….well, it’s inspiring, thrilling, pleasurable, awkward, painful, embarrassing, confusing and provocative – it’s complicated!

The Merriam-Webster definition defines sex as ‘the state of being male or female’ and ‘physical activity/touch that is related to and often includes sexual intercourse.’ However, a study from the Kinsey Institute found that no uniform consensus existed when it came to defining sex.

As the pioneering sex researcher Alfred Kinsey put it, the only universal on human sexuality is variability itself.

In response, I have invited the sexologists who are contributing to SEXtember, to include their definitions to reveal the diversity of cultures and opinions.

Feeling acknowledged as a sexual person contributes significantly to our sense of well-being and our identity so it is significant that we are now inclusive of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, intersex and queer (LGBTIQ) people. Many organisations now provide an Ally support service which affirms the experience and rights of these diverse sexual identities. We also acknowledge Asexual people as part of the sexual spectrum.

As a Counselling Psychologist and Clinical Sexologist, I wanted to clarify individual sexual perspectives to avoid confusion by re-framing the discussion of sexuality in the context of informed consent.

To avoid confusion, I respect my clients and colleagues by asking them their personal definitions of sex, then I have clarity and I can proceed to work with that understanding.

My VISION is to take control of sexuality away from the extremists and profiteers and create an awareness and respect for sexual diversity, curiosity and experimentation. We want adults to role model to our children the concept of Sexual Integrity – when equal privilege embraces equal responsibility with curiosity and humour.

My intelligent, insightful clients have shared with me their wisdom and reflections:

……..It’s a matter of perspective isn’t it?

So, my personal definition of sex?

“Touch that is joyful and sensuous between consenting adults who celebrate mutual responsibility and privilege”

At the end of the day, healthy sexual relationships are about connecting in real life – touching that special someone’s body and heart to create warmth and intimacy. It is creating romance and investing in companionship where you equally feel desired, valued and safe. Sex is fundamentally the difference between a friendship and a relationship.

What I share with my clients about sex is “If you’re not having fun, then you’re not doing it right!”

Sarah Calleja is a Counselling Psychologist and Clinical Sexologist, media consultant, author, and app developer.

When Sarah isn’t hard at work as a counselling psychologist and clinical sexologist, or consulting for the media, she loves being a trendsetter in the field of sexology. Sarah regularly presents at international conferences and creates training sessions for health professionals. She writes opinion-editorials for a variety of media and personal blogs can be viewed on her website.

Sarah’s new app, ‘Parents, Tweens and Sex’, a first of its kind app for the iPad designed in collaboration with Swinburne University and featured as a finalist in the digital design category of the 2013 Premier’s Design Awards. This interactive app empowers parents and tweens with the necessary resources to make informed choices to be mindful, comfortable, respectful and responsive when they choose to engage in sexual relationships.

Sarah is also a wife, mother, mentor, friend and the proud owner of laugh lines!

This article has been republished with permission by Sarah Calleja. To view the original post, read it here

Images courtesy of Nina Calleja
Have an amazing experience or tips you like to share on SimplySxy? Drop us an email at editorial@SimplySxy.com!

December 5, 2015
How does someone with a disability build sexual confidence?

Have a question on your mind about sex or seeking advice? Ask us on any topic and we’ll provide you with the answers from an expert. Send them in to editorial@simplysxy.com. For today’s question, we touch on a topic related to sex and disability from you and we’re delighted to have sex educator Rebecca Dewar share her answer below.

With or without a disability, sexual confidence is built in similar ways. Education and experience are interrelated to sexual confidence. To become sexually confident, education is essential. Accurate information about human sexuality is available (books, websites, sexuality health providers like sex therapists\counselors, sexuality educators); it is important to be educated or know about your own disability regarding what you can or cannot do in relation to sexual activity for your overall health and well-being.

For example, a female with an injury and\or illness that causes severe immobility of the body (wheelchair users) should not use hormonal methods of birth control especially pills because the risk of obtaining a blood clot is greatly increased as compared to able bodied females. Education can help individuals with disabilities become interested and open minded to sexual experiences since curiosity becomes piqued. Through experiences, people with disabilities get to know their sexual likes and dislikes as well as realize what features and\or qualities they find attractive in other people. With experiences, however, the risk taking of vulnerability becomes unavoidable. In the same sense, risk taking and vulnerability lead to building sexual confidence because of being willing to try new things with others.

Rebecca has her master degrees in social work and human sexuality of which both degrees are clinically focused. Sexuality and disability is her area of interest regarding research and practice within the fields of social work and human sexuality. Read the rest of her profile below and the links to follow her!

Featured image courtesy of Shutterstock
Do you have a question you want answered by our experts? Drop us your question at editorial@SimplySxy.com!

October 9, 2015
Common myths about Sex and Disability

Have a question on your mind about sex or seeking advice? Ask us on any topic and we’ll provide you with the answers from an expert. Send them in to editorial@simplysxy.com. For today’s question, we touch on a topic related to sex and disability from you and we’re delighted to have sex educator Rebecca Dewar share her answer below.

The most common misconception of sexuality and disability surrounds the myth individuals with disabilities are asexual. Asexual regarding individuals with disabilities refers to void of sexual feelings and\or desires; so, the myth is the belief just because a person has a disability (any type of disability) also means a person who has a disability does not feel sexual excitement (a.k.a. horny) or the extreme liking of another person (a.k.a. attraction). Another misconception is the belief people with disabilities are not sexually desirable (a.k.a. unattractive) individuals because of being considered “not normal” in appearance and\or cognitive ability.

People with disabilities (any type of disability) should only have sexual relationships with and marry other people with disabilities is a myth across the board regarding the topic. Other common myths include people with disabilities do not need sexuality education as well as people with disabilities do not get sexually assaulted. In addition, different myths are attached to individuals with physical disabilities vs. individuals with cognitive challenges (intellectual\developmental disabilities). For example, it is a common myth people with physical disabilities are unable to have sex; people with cognitive challenges often are considered sexually aggressive.

The myths mentioned are all false beliefs! Asexuality can be viewed more as an individual’s choice in relation to one’s sexual orientation, behavior, and identity. People with disabilities are sexual human beings and can express their sexuality in a variety of diverse ways; so, for lack of better words, it is insensitive to assume people with disabilities are asexual. Just like “normal” human beings, people with disabilities do feel horny as well as have their own specifics of what is attractive to them in others. People with disabilities are viewed as unnatural and undesirable because of physical impairment, possible bodily disfigurement, and\or challenges with cognitive processes. However, contrary to the societal popular misconception, attraction to body disfigurement dates way back to Ancient China (10^th Century) when foot binding was a common practice done to girls. The practice of preventing the growth of young Chinese girls’ feet by tightly binding each foot was torturous yet considered beautiful. Often, people with cognitive challenges are viewed as undesirable because of the assumption they do not know about sex.

Everyone learns about sex from somewhere – hopefully, the information is accurate! People with cognitive challenges may need to be taught about sexuality, but desire should not be based on development of needing skills. The phrase “birds of a feather flock together” does not apply to sexuality and disability! Individuals with disabilities may not want to have sexual relationships with and\or marry other people with disabilities depending on their attraction and relationship style. People with or without disabilities need sexuality education! School systems often only teach on basic male and female anatomy as well as “preach” the message to avoid pregnancy; frequently, students in special education classes do not receive the information. There is much more to be educated on regarding sexuality than just anatomy and pregnancy prevention! It is sadly true people with disabilities are sexually assaulted; in some cases, sexual assault has been the only sexual experiences of people with disabilities. Often, people with disabilities do not tell anyone about being sexually assaulted; so, the trauma is often buried within persons with disabilities who have been sexually assaulted. It is an absolutely ca-ray-zee misconception people with disabilities are thought to be asexual, unattractive, and undesirable yet are considered to be sexual “enough” to be sexually assaulted! It is clear to see the absurdity within the myths.

Where did the myths or misconceptions come from regarding sexuality and disability? Good question! The Theory of Social Constructivism can be looked at to provide an explanation. The theory provides the perspective of examining links between subjective meanings and how they become social facts. Subjective meanings of social interactions are studied with a big piece of the theory coming from cultural development in relation to societal messages passed on through time. To change myths or misconceptions, it takes a person or persons to become educated and let their voices be heard by writing, public speaking, lecturing, teaching, etc. on different viewpoints to debunk false beliefs.

Rebecca has her master degrees in social work and human sexuality of which both degrees are clinically focused. Sexuality and disability is her area of interest regarding research and practice within the fields of social work and human sexuality. Read the rest of her profile below and the links to follow her!

Featured image courtesy of Shutterstock
Do you have a question you want answered by our experts? Drop us your question at editorial@SimplySxy.com!

September 26, 2015
Privacy or Shame: Are Americans as liberal as they think?

My original post for this week was going to be about the psychological motivators and challenges of spanking, but something has happened that made me shift focus. For the past two months I’ve been trying to get my project, the Alter Ego Photo Project, off the ground. When I talk to people about it, I get a few nods and smiles, even the occasional, “Yea! That’s what we need.” But overall, the response has been silent. The Alter Ego Photo Project aims to inspire people to embrace their sexuality. I want people to celebrate sexual diversity because of the pleasures it creates, not just react to the pain that sexual misuse, that is to say sexual violation and abuse, brings.

Where there is talk about rape, domestic violence, sex trafficking, or anything to do with negative sexual expressions, people listen and want to be involved. Rightfully so. Consensual Roughness, my organization, also wants to fight these injustices. We believe that by promoting healthy sexuality and demonstrating the way things should be done and discussed, we can reduce these sexual misuses. Admittedly, there is now a lot of buzz about sex in media that doesn’t deal exclusively with sexual harm. You can find any how-to sex tips you want on sites like Cosmo. You can find beautifully explicit infographics on Bitch Media. However, when a photo project aims to celebrate the most visceral part of our personalities in a way that reflects the normalcy of varied sexual preference, we get afraid. We don’t want our bosses to know we have sex with the same gender. We don’t want our friends to know we enjoy facial penetration. We don’t want to shout from the rooftops or merely whisper in the corners of the interwebs that we have a sexual personality that is different, vibrant, and unique.

Is this love of privacy or is this shame? I’d argue it is a little of both. We love sex. We love giggling about the latest fling we had, our latest conquests. Our society discusses what kind of sex is OK and what’s perverse. We thirst for the delicious adventure that pure fucking gives us, however when we speak it aloud we usually use terms like love and commitment instead of respect and consent. The distinction equates sex with love and monogamy, but not necessarily respect between consenting individuals. This limits us because sex is sex and love is love. Sometimes they overlap. However, by not prioritizing consent and respect, this narrative disregards human decency in favor of obligation and duty. Because what about non-love non-commitment sex? What then? In those encounters, respect should be given and received, as should consent. Even within the pair bonds, where we can supposedly do whatever we want, we are ashamed to talk about our needs and wants despite being bounded to this person by fidelity. America is a place for sexual liberty. That is to say, the freedom to view sex in a virgin-slut paradigm when it’s not so black and white. Despite purporting sexual freedom, our culture focuses primarily on crude aspects of sexuality. The word “dick” falls off the American tongue more easily than the word “penis”; the latter evoking clinical disgust in many young minds. Unfortunately, our culture is steeped in sexual insecurity and sexual violence, starting with the first negative response to masturbation or the non-conversation about avian creatures and insects.

The Alter Ego Photo Project looks to highlight our differences in order to elevate the vulgarity to ‘vulgarity minus the shame.’ We want to show that we’re all a little kinky and that our sexual health is an important part of our mental, emotional, physical, and relationship health. We all like what we like. As long as it’s consensual, why not explore?

Image courtesy of Shutterstock
Have an amazing experience or tips you like to share on SimplySxy? Drop us an email at editorial@SimplySxy.com!

May 18, 2015
The importance of masturbation in a marriage

The couple that masturbates together stays together?

One of the biggest misconceptions people have in relationships is that your partner is going to know your body better than you know it yourself. But on the contrary, understanding your own body and how it functions sexually, including what feels good to you and how to achieve an orgasm, is what makes for better, more intimate sex with your partner. That’s one of the many reasons why masturbation—especially mutual masturbation—can help create better intimacy in a relationship or marriage, both sexual and emotional.

For many women who are married or in long-term relationships, the frustration of not having an orgasm during sex or even foreplay can cause a lack of enjoyment and intimacy problems in the relationship. The best way to discover how to have an orgasm is to masturbate on your own and see what feels good. For some women, this can change the sexual intimacy in a relationship dramatically. When a woman is able to have an orgasm with her partner, she releases oxytocin, a hormone responsible for feelings of love and bonding, which has been coined “the love hormone.” For men, solo masturbation can be a way of helping with problems concerning erectile dysfunction, stress release, and learning new techniques on how to prolong orgasm.

Once you have both spent time getting to know your own bodies, you can move on to mutual masturbation, which is a fantastic way to help your partner understand and learn what turns you on—and it can turn them on as well. This can be very erotic, sexually stimulating, and a fun way to add some spice to the relationship. The best way to start off masturbating mutually is to take turns achieving orgasm, really paying attention to your partners’ techniques and turn-ons. You can also do it at the same time, which may evolve into oral sex or some other form of pleasuring each other.

As relationships move forward, our bodies and minds change. What may have brought a person to orgasm in their 20s may be different from what turns that same person on in their 40s. Masturbating and finding new ways to stimulate yourself and then showing that to your partner—on a regular basis—can keep the sex passionate, intimate, and sizzling hot.

This article has been republished with permission from Dr. Dawn Michael.

Feature image courtesy of Shutterstock
Do you wish to be featured on SimplySxy?
Drop us an email at editorial@SimplySxy.com and we’ll love to hear from you!

May 11, 2015