Tag: Sexuality

Things Every Girl Can Learn from Porn Stars

Hello everyone at SimplySxy.com! My name is Rachael Madori and I’m an adult performer from New York City but will soon be relocating to Los Angeles for my career. I’ve been in this line of work for about seven months which seems short but seven months is a good amount of time to learn the ropes and get a good grip of what this job entails. Personally I’m a low-key kind of girl. I enjoy my time away from shooting porn by working out at my gym, reading whatever book has caught my eye and exploring the ever changing city of New York with my boyfriend. I’m also a serious foodie and avid blogger. I’m really excited to be writing this piece because I always say that my favorite thing about being an adult actress is that I can speak on many subjects surrounding this industry. I want to speak to the women who are not in front of the camera. Hopefully I’ll be able to clear up some rumors, squash some misconceptions and bring to light some things that every girl can learn from a porn star.

I’m going to start off my talking about some of the misconceptions that have been brought to my attention and that I myself had developed from watching porn before I became a part of the industry. First let’s talk about pubic hair. As I was growing up, I always thought it was disgusting and the opposite of sexy to have any pubic hair between my legs. Porn made me think so. However, there is so much porn showing women sporting little patches or full blown bush. As my manager and many directors are saying nowadays: “Bush is in!” Whatever your preference is for your vagina don’t ever let the idea that clean shaven is the only way to look sexy. I have been as smooth as a baby down there ever since I was fourteen years old and in the past few months I’ve been sporting a cute triangle patch and have never felt more hot. It’s honestly a preference and I’m strangely proud of my hair down there. I feel about my bush the way men feel about their beards. So whatever your preference is: own it and feel sexy.

The second misconception I want to bring to light is the truth about foreplay. I feel as if men will watch porn and obviously the sex doesn’t happen an hour into the video, it happens within the first few minutes most of the time. This creates a weird idea that in the real world when a man and woman are ready to have sex he can just finger jam you for a few seconds and then stick his dick inside of you. Foreplay isn’t necessary in porn. It is in real life. Men and women alike need to understand a pussy isn’t always ready and a penis isn’t always up and running. The illusion of zero foreplay in porn exists because while the camera isn’t running that’s where the foreplay is. The male talent is getting his dick up and hard while I’m getting my vagina wet and willing. If I’m not feeling it that day there is a magical thing called lube that you don’t see me use on camera but honey, a porn set without lube is not a porn set. So let’s nip the idea that foreplay isn’t needed in the butt. When I’m having sex in real life, off set, it’s the time before I let him inside me that is really hot. The anticipation. Your job of pleasing him. His job of turning you on. It’s very important.

This next idea that porn makes people drastically underestimate is anal. I don’t know how many times I’ve met men that think having anal sex in real life should be just as easy as it looks in a porno. I’m sorry but I love anal in my personal life and it is no where near what I experience shooting it on set. Some people aren’t even aware that you must use lube when putting anything inside of your ass. In porn, there is so much preparation before an anal scene. We use butt plugs going up in size to make our butt more comfortable with having large things put inside of it. We use enemas to clean out our assholes and make sure there isn’t a mess. This isn’t always the case either. Accidents happen. When you start sticking things in odd places that technically weren’t meant to have things stuck inside them you can’t be surprised when someone shits on you. The difference is when accidents happens in porn you don’t see it in the video. When accidents happen in real life, you can’t yell cut and have your personal assistant clean up the mess. Anal takes time, practice, a lot of lube and a lot of trust. Don’t ever let someone expect you to take a dick in the ass like an anal queen on Brazzers.

This one is for anyone interested in penises. One of the biggest misconceptions porn brings to people outside of the industry is penis size. I’m sorry but eleven inches is not the average dick length. I’ve met women and men alike who see a seven inch penis and consider it below average and small. Not only are there drugs to keep dicks going strong for hours on end but the pool of men in porn are not the “average” guy. Also, the idea that only a giant cock can please a woman is so far off from the truth it upsets me when men become self-conscious because of the types of men I work with on set. Being confident in yourself is the number one way to have great sex. Watching porn and comparing yourself to a small pool of men who happen to have larger than average dicks is only detrimental to your self-esteem and pretty illogical.

The last thing I want to talk about that seems great in a porno but not so great in real life is the sex positions. I’m a little torn on this subject only because I think it is extremely important to not keep doing missionary every time you have sex. Personally I think if you do this it will end up boring one or both of you. However, if you watch porn and think your girl will take your dick in a pile-driver position for half an hour, you’re also wrong. The thing about porn is if I’m put in a difficult position to hold such as reverse cowgirl or wheel-barrow I am only holding that motion for five minutes, tops. So, although it is very important to keep sex fun and engaging please don’t expect your girl or guy to hold an absurd position for too long because you see them doing it in a porno. Remember I get to cut camera, stretch it out and return to the position later. You don’t.

Now it’s time for me to talk about some truthful things that porn can teach you. The first and foremost thing you should learn is the women and/or men in the video are confident in their abilities and you should be too. I don’t have the perfect body, I don’t suck dick the perfect way, I can’t ride a dick perfectly and I’m not always that great at doing a sexy strip tease. The important thing is I am still confident. Porn has taught me to love my body and to love all the things it’s capable of. So what if you can’t deep throat an eleven inch penis? You would be surprised at the lists some performers have of what they can’t do and they don’t beat themselves up over it. The women and men I’ve met in the industry have confidence to them even though they know they aren’t perfect. You have these men and women getting in front of dozens of people in a room and exposing themselves to the most invasive and personal form of criticism. If they can do this, you can be confident enough in yourself and non-judgmental of your partner.

The next thing porn shows that is truthful is variety! No, not all the positions are easy or even doable for an extended period of time but the point is to spice things up. You never see the same position through an entire porno. That would be boring to watch and it’s boring to do. You don’t have to go crazy and have your man screw you doggie style while you hang halfway out of a window but it’s important to keep things interesting. You and your partner could watch a porn and find a new position you’ve never tried that doesn’t look too difficult. Tell him you want to try it out and you won’t be surprised when he gets excited. Being adventurous and willing to try new things in the bedroom is a huge reason I love creating the porn I create. Sometimes I picture a couple watching one of my videos and being inspired by something I do which leads them into the bedroom. Sex is such a raw and natural phenomenon that finding new ways to experience it is beautiful. Maybe you could buy a new kind of toy for him or her. Experiment with different lubes, dick rings, vibrators, blindfolds or handcuffs. You never know what freaky desires you’ll find deep inside yourself and your partner.

Another truth that you don’t see on camera but I feel inclined to talk about is sexual boundaries. Whatever happens in a porn video is consensual and agreed upon by both the man and woman. This is always how it should be in real life. Just as I’m never afraid to stand up and make very clear what I am and am not okay with, you should feel equally as convicted about your boundaries. I would never let a fellow talent, director or producer push me to do anything I wasn’t willing to do or try. You should always know your worth and your limits. It’s extremely important when engaging in anything sexual. Your body is the most personal thing you have and it shouldn’t be taken for granted. I love trying crazy new things but there are always safe words, a mutual understanding of what exactly is too far and there is trust. Make sure this is the case in real life too.

Now let’s talk about dirty talk. If you think dirty talk is just for the porn stars, you’re wrong. We talk every minute of every day. It’s our form of communication. Why wouldn’t we use it to our advantage while we do the most personal thing in the world? A lot of my girl friends that are not in the industry tell me: “I know you dirty talk on video, but you don’t do it at home with your man right? It’s just porn talk.” That’s not the case! Don’t feel weird shouting the things that come to your mind while you’re having sex. I mean as long as it’s not someone else’s name. Personally I think dirty talk drives men crazy but I’m not a man so I can’t vouch. Even if it’s not dirty talk don’t feel weird telling them to keep hitting the same spot, move to the left or smack your ass. I don’t shout a script in my videos, I say what my body wants me to say. Embrace your ability to communicate!

The last thing porn can teach you is HAVE FUN. Unless you’re watching a very hardcore and dominating scene everyone in the video is usually having a steamy good time. Let that slutty side come out in the bedroom. Embrace your inner carnal instincts like the ones you see on camera. Don’t feel weird yelling out, scratching his back and getting lost in each others’ bodies. Porn should be sexual inspiration not a video reminding you what you can’t do. I love the movies I create because I’m giving my fans and anyone who watches it a fantasy. Sex is nothing to be embarrassed of, nothing to be ashamed of and nothing to feel weird about. Whether you’re prude by nature or a down right slut: own who you are. The porn stars you see have completely accepted their natural feminine sexuality and embodied it. You are no different in this aspect! What a girl can learn from porn stars is that wether we’re on camera or behind closed doors our sexuality is undeniable, it deserves to be explored and it is nothing to be ashamed of and you are just the same.

I really hope I’ve cleared up some things about porn and porn stars. It’s really important to me to break down the negative stigmas surrounding the sex industry and bring to light that porn stars are normal women too. We’re not here to make others feel inadequate, we’re here to inspire sexuality. Let’s not forget that pornography is filmed and edited, real life isn’t! Be proud of your body, your abilities and don’t judge your sexual partner too harshly. We’re all here on this Earth, enjoying each others bodies and our own.

More of Rachael’s works:
“Barbarella XXX: an Axel Braun Parody” for Wicked Pictures: Coming soon!
“Down The Throat 3” for New Sensations: Coming out 2/26!
“Back Up Plan” for Porn Fidelity: Out now!
“Let’s Try Anal” for Mofos: Out now!

Image courtesy of Rachael Madori
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March 12, 2015
6 ways to Connect Intimately in a Long Distance Relationship

Long distance relationships have been difficult for many couples, especially when it comes to being intimate with one another.

With the invention of Facetime, Skype, and other ways to interact visually it has helped many couples communicate face to face but it still leaves the body without being touched.

The loss of intimacy that happens when in a long distance relationship, can be difficult. One way to help couples stay connected and enjoy sexual pleasure is to find a way for both of them to interact with one another without the other person having to be physically present. The idea is for each person to be sexually stimulated by their partner without their partner touching them. This is now a possible in a world where technology is being utilized by people in all areas of life.

In 2012 Chen, a 27-year-old marketing major from Taiwan, came up with a novel idea to experience intimacy long distance. He invented LovePalz, a gender-appropriate sex toy that conveniently works with an iPhone or other mobile device.

Chen describes it as a “Wi-Fi-connected love machine that lets both the top and the bottom stimulate some sexy time.”

The two gadgets—Hera, which is designed for women; and Zeus, more for males—produce sensation and motion “in real time” via an Internet connection, according to the LovePalz website.

“When I was studying abroad, my girlfriend and I were apart and had a long-distance relationship, sex wasn’t something we could achieve,” he told ABCNews.com. “So I thought, why can’t we have something that can help us spike up our relationship when we are not around each other?”

Since then the sex toy industry has caught on and invented many new toys with apps such as We-Vibe® 4 Plus where couples can connect in new and exciting ways. Her partner through the phone app, can tease her, and play with her until he is ready to watch her orgasm with the push of a button.

One of the newer sex toys on the market that can be fun at any time is the OhMiBod vibrator, place it in her panties or his briefs and let the games begin … This Bluetooth enabled, wearable massage is discrete and can be worn at any time, making a playful moment between the couple a welcome surprise. The idea is to keep your partner guessing as to when you will be sending them a love vibration. This is one fun way to stay mentally and physically connected when not in each others company.

The Idea is to:

CONNECT over long distances to control your partner’s vibration from anywhere!

ENJOY five different control modes while connected to your iOS or Android device

FEEL an insane array of vibration patterns

EXPERIENCE your partner’s vibe with an iconic blue heart that blinks and throbs in real-time to sync with the vibrations they are feeling

CONTROL the intensity of the vibration patterns within each functional mode simply by adjusting the volume on your device

INTENSIFY the experience with in-app sexting while you play

This article has been republished with permission from Dr. Dawn Michael.

Image courtesy of Shutterstock
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February 24, 2015
The Prospect of Beauty

The Prospect of Beauty was the theme for Singapore Writers Festival 2014. The ten day event was filled with a showcase of amazing international and local writers. Hidden among the varied panel events were gems of stories of established writers dealing with sex and sexuality in their works. One such gem was conversions that revolved around India’s social construct.

In the panel on Writing for the Global Audience, Ira Trivedi talked about her new book India in Love. The book tackles issues on marriage and sexuality in India. During the panel, she read a passage on sexuality. The reading recounts a sting operation on sex workers. In India, prostitution is legal. However those in the trade still fear of being caught as brothels and pimping are illegal. This fear coupled with the stigma of being a women, Ira describes how asking for sex service raises many red flags. She was turned down harshly by many “massage services”. Finally after several unsuccessful attempts, she was able to engage with one. Ira had to bring her husband along during the operation so as to disperse further suspicion.

Stories about the sex trade always draws attention. Many want a glimpse of this underground universe. However, there is a lack of open dialog for such taboo topics. In India, even a basic conversion of the birds and the bees is shunned upon. Ira mentions how her previous novel, What would you do to Save the World?, a story about beauty pageants had more male readership then female as the male audience genuinely wanted to know what women are thinking.

This issue on the lack of conversion was reinforced by Adeline Foo’s experience with expending into the India market. The writer of the popular children’s book The Diary of Amos Lee recounts that during her expansion process, the publisher requested that she remove all content that deal with sex and sexuality. This is because any open conversion will not be well received by the conservative country. They did not want a book that could resonate with many to start off on the wrong foot.

Another interesting disagreement which Adeline had with the topic on sex and sexuality was that when she received complaints that her character Amos Lee wrote about spiders mating ritual in his diary. These complaints were from concerned Singaporean parents. Coincidentally, Adeline’s motivation came about after a friend’s 14 year old son was caught watching porn. Adeline wanted to create a platform to introduction the topic of sex to her own children. During her research, she found that spiders’ mating rituals are very similar to humans. Unfortunately, due to the lack of wisdom from some parents to leverage on such a controlled environment, the passage has been taken out from future reprints of the book. Where is the middle ground for open dialog and education on sex and sexuality?

In a panel on Asian Feminism, Leena Manimekalai a filmmaker, poet and actor mentioned that there is a paradox in India’s social construct. India may be the few countries which have had a female prime minister but position does not mean power. Its patriarchal society renders any opportunity for women to be only skin deep. Burdened by the shame of its caste system, India has a long way to go towards gender equality. Leena’s graphic description on the state in India still disturbs me. It is still ringing in my ear.

When there is religious unrest, women are raped. When there is political unrest, women are raped. When there is any form of conflict, women are raped. Women are told to come home before dark so that they can be safe in their homes. But in their homes, their fathers and uncles will crawl into their beds and violate them.

We have not passed the point of victim blaming. Hence, there is a great void for the discussion for sex and sexuality, a need to promote healthy sexual relationship and the need to promote healthy gender and sexual identity. Only then can we see the true prospect of beauty.

Image courtesy of Shutterstock
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December 8, 2014
I am a Squirter!

I’m going to talk about squirting. A lot of girls can’t do that. I always thought that I could never be able to do it either until one day while I was on set. Sometimes the sex can be so good and you just get caught up in the moment. All of a sudden, the male talent/director stopped and said, “Are you a squirter? ” I said, “I don’t think so. Why?” The male talent/director said, “Because you squirted 2 times right in front of me.” Sure enough, I looked down and saw 2 big puddles of G spot juice right between my legs! The male talent/director was grinning like Chester Cheetah! This took place at a fitness studio.

So it was then that I realized that I am a squirter. I squirt off of vibrators and even the sybian. But it wasn’t until I actually researched on squirting that I realized how it works. One of the questions that people ask the most, even from other models and other people in the business, is that if squirt is actually piss. According to what I’ve researched (and if you think scientifically a little bit), squirting is like juice coming from your G spot; not piss. Urine comes from the bladder and passes out through your urethra. Squirt juice comes from the G spot and the juice passes through your vagina.

Another main question is how do I squirt. The answer is simple, you have to just relax and enjoy how you are feeling and let it go. DO NOT tense up because if you do, then nothing comes out and you won’t be able to squirt.

I LOVE squirt. I LOVE getting off by clitoral stimulation/sensation and vibrators just make it even more fun. The Hitachi is my favorite! I love the way it makes me feel and squirt. I like to tease my lower abdomen and slowly bring down around my vaginal area and then of course, press it against my clit, hard. After a while, I’ll turn up the speed and next thing I know, I’m on the cum cloud squirting my ass off! I love it even better when I have a sexy stud fucking me and I have the Hitachi right on my clit and I squirt like crazy! Ahhhh, I’m even getting turned on just writing about it! Lol!

In the near future, I sure hope to shoot a scene with me having sex tied up and I use the Hitachi. I would be one VERY happy and satisfied lady.

Brandi has been nominated for Best Oral Release at the AVN awards for her movie Sloppy Cocksuckers 2 with Mike Adriano for Evil Angel. Go cast your vote for her at http://avnawards.avn.com/pages/4

Images courtesy of Brandi Foxx
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December 2, 2014
How sex and motherhood helped me love the skin I’m in

Life’s lessons come from the least-expected places. Sometimes it’s surprising to realize that a lesson is the result of two distinctly different experiences. For example, I learned to love my body via fetish parties and motherhood.

I was kinky before I was a mother, so I’ll start there. Fetish parties offer a wide array of visual candy: costumes, deeds, body types. A play party was the first time I saw real bodies being worshipped regardless of what they looked like. It was also the first time where I felt I might fit in just the way I am—no need to lose weight or revamp my look to fit an unachievable ideal. No. Here, people showed up as their most glorious selves, exactly the way they are and adorned in line with their personal proclivities. Thin and willowy in painted-on latex? Somebody loves it. Voluptuous curves spilling out of a tight-laced corset? Someone wants to play. Aging and loves a cracking whip? There’s a new partner excited to meet you. All of these bodies are capable and deserving of pleasure. What a difference from the airbrushed images we’re served by the media.

Through participation in these events, I learned that my body is perfect for me and a potential partner’s attractiveness is not based on physical “perfection” but mutual interest. The desire to play and connect with another person is interesting and exciting beyond any superficial visual stimulation.

Next came motherhood. I tell you folks, nothing gets you in touch with your body like pregnancy and living with small children. I feared that after all the radical growth, stretching, swelling, breast-feeding and being touched by anyone with hands and advice I’d never be the same. And I’m not. But I’ve gained a better relationship with my body. Instead of being horrified by my soft belly, I love that it provided a warm home for my babies and it’s where they land for a cuddle. Although the extra cleavage was sometimes awesome, I’m glad that my boobs are no longer so hugely engorged and thank them for the years of nourishment they’ve provided.

I’m gentler with my body now. I listen to its subtle cues: the need for rest, when water is a better option than coffee, and the difference between running errands (can be draining) and running around to play tag with the kids (can be energizing). Mostly, I’m learning to appreciate what my body likes and needs so I can be both: sexually fulfilled and Mommy.

Image courtesy of Shutterstock
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November 22, 2014
Sex Swings …They Aren’t Just for Kinky People

Sex is truly one of the safest sports that you can take up these days because it stretches and tones so many of your muscles and it is far more enjoyable than any exercise I can image. Sex is spine-tingling. It’s the greatest tranquilizer out there and it is 10 times more effective than taking Valium. Why then is sex becoming more and more extinct in the bedroom? My guess is that couples get accustomed to their every day routines and they become disinterested in the every day thrills of love-making. Why not breathe some new life into your bedroom that until now may have become stodgy? What if I told you that there is something that will seduce your fantasies and give your taste buds something to savor for hours and hours? It’s time to meet your new best friend …

Move over dildos and vibrators, there’s a new sheriff in town. For years and years, these sensual adult toys have been the bomb-diggity of every woman’s fantasy playground. They have been our favorite play toys when our partner is away at the golf course, meetings or at the workplace. What happens when your mate comes home and you would like something else that is erotic, intimate and offers hours of pleasure and fun? Truth be told, as thought provoking as it may be, the jackrabbit (every woman’s favorite vibrator) can only do so much until she gets bored with it. They may retain 3 speeds, 5 or 10 speeds, and they may go forward and in reverse but you eventually long for much more. Sure they are amusing, but do they satisfy you both? No, not really, especially not for a lengthy amount of time. Sex is all about foreplay. Your erotic behavior and self-discipline prior to your sexual encounter is the steamy interlude to your night of passion. That’s right, nothing says come-hither more than a woman dressed in sexy lingerie while twirling around in a sex swing. Dominating in the bedroom is an aphrodisiac of intimacy and it is no longer a role just for men. Ladies are baiting their men in a predominate way and men are enthusiastic about their woman’s need to call the shots in the bedroom.

Just a few years ago, statistics confirmed that over 78% of women were not completely satisfied in the bedroom. Ouch fellas! These numbers have increased over the years and are now hitting close to 80%. Both men and women are taking a good hard look at their relationships and asking what can they try to give both parties hours of endless pleasure and physical stimulation? If you are seeking something new and you are looking for a gadget that is titillating and will prolong a sexual form of fantasia lasting for hours, search no more. Might I suggest the sex swing for self-indulgence and everlasting sexual positions? The weightlessness of any of our sex swing gives you the opportunity to really concentrate on your partner while focusing on new maneuverings into the perfect positions.

Sex swings are invigorating and have been designed to improve the position of lovers so that each may be relieved of the every day physical stresses we endure when making love. Love-making using a sex swing will illuminate those unwanted calories that you piled on with your romantic dinner. There is nothing more enticing than putting your mate in this swing and taking full control of him/her, but this is just the tip of the iceberg …

Sex swings are not just for strip clubs and swingers clubs, like so many people tend to think. They serve an even greater sexual experience right in the privacy of your own bedroom. Amongst using this sweet contraption for your own sensual desires and needs, they also provide other purposes than just being a hanging devise for your naughty needs, and on the contrary to what so many people believe, they absolutely aren’t just for kinky people. Their functions are unlimited. The sex swing offers relief for back pain sufferers, thus meaning no more aching. This takes the strain off of having to physically support oneself while on top hovering over your partner. It facilitates love-making for those with disabilities. The sex swing is great for prenatal exercises as well as birthing practices. They are great for stimulation as you massage your partner in areas sometimes not so easy to get to, and lastly, it improves the health of your relationship by enhancing the connection. Did you know that sex relieves headaches? Did you know that making love could relieve tension in blood vessels that go to the brain? Lovemaking also offers stuffy nose relief. Sex is a natural antihistamine that can help combat asthma and even hay fever … betcha didn’t know that either? Sex swings free both partners from having to always constantly brace themselves. Now couples can have the freedom to have both hands free to stimulate one another while enjoying pleasure and eye contact. Repositioning your partner has never been easier.

Sex Swings are not at all difficult to hang,and are quite easy to set up. Nevertheless, if you desire something less strappy, you can buy a stand to make it easier to hang in a not so permanent position. For travel and when space is limited, use the door hanger swing or the stand is preferred. Swings allow you to enjoy more mobility.

With that in mind, let’s kick it up a lewd notch now shall we? Oral sex takes on a whole new meaning when you use a sex swing. Using the sex swing, you can recline your partner in a chair like position while you lick, suck and tease your mate without pain in your neck as well as suffering arm fatigue which generally does happen 9 times out of 10 during oral sex. You also have the option now to lower the swing a more mutual sex position such as the ’69’ which is much more easy to achieve and enjoy for a longer duration of time. This type of dalliance creates orgasms that are off the charts so much so to make a woman’s toes curl and we all know that women love foreplay. Intercourse now becomes much more exciting and you are able to penetrate deeper into your partner without stress and tension. It frees you from having to constantly brace yourself and restrains you from back pain.

Couples ask me; “Is a sex swing a good investment?” My answer is yes! If you wish to rejuvenate luscious adult fun with your partner and encounter a new kind of rendezvous, the sex swing offers the ability to add a full dimension to your sex life. If you are seeking tons of new fun in the bedroom with endless positions, and virtually no more complaining, search no more; the sex swing is a necessity. If you’re ready for something that tastes sweet, visit our full adult fun stuff area @ Simply Delicious Lingerie for the lowest prices and our view our most sold sex swings.

Images courtesy of Simply Delicious Lingerie | http://www.simplydeliciouslingerie.com
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November 20, 2014
In Praise of the Facial

Okay, yeah, I freely admit that it was porn that started the whole thing off … the ‘whole thing’ being my love for ejaculating on a woman’s face. That’s right, my name is Jack Carrer … and I am a facial lover.

Like a lot of guys my age—that’s the early 40s in case you were wondering—I came to porn late. I grew up in a pre-Internet society, which meant if you wanted access to porn you physically had to go into a shop and buy it … printed on paper, which, if you were serious about it, probably meant a journey to some distant part of the city where none of the local news agents knew you or your parents. Otherwise, you simply hoped to get lucky and find one in the bushes somewhere.

Maybe it wasn’t such a thing back then, but the odd porn magazine we were occasionally able to get our hands on every now and then, never really had much in the way of pictures of women with thick globs of semen splashed across their cheeks. There was a lot of horribly lit penetration, that was for sure (don’t forget, this was also before the digital revolution and Photoshop changed visual reality forever), and as far as ‘niche’ tastes went, the choice seemed to range from the usual stuff to big tits (there was, I recall, a magazine called Jiggly Juggly Jugs), large women and peculiarly scary bondage. Probably only porn sophisticates would have even known that facials were actually a thing.

Moving from the UK to Barcelona in my early 20s, I found things were very different. Porn magazines were sold openly in street kiosks, along with video and DVDs, and sex shops there were aplenty. It was looking down at this array of magazines on the famous Ramblas that I began to get an inkling that when it came to porn and sex, people were into a lot of different things. It was also when I began to realize that I, specifically, was drawn to the facial.

Having plucked up the courage to buy a DVD—I mean, they were just THERE, for Christ’s sake, IN PLAIN SIGHT, for everyone to purchase!—I took it back to my flat and popped it into my player. It was all pretty arousing stuff, of course, to a young man discovering some fresh illicit material, naked women, bums and breasts bouncing about, blowjobs (photographic stills were one thing, but, boy, do moving pictures bring out the most in a recorded blowie!) and then … it happened! A woman got down on her knees after a powerful bout of shagging, looked up at her male counterpart and said the words that would forever burn themselves onto the lust centers of my brain, “Come on my face!” And damn, if the guy didn’t do exactly that, and then some. He actually seemed to explode all over the woman’s seemingly joyful face. I mean it went everywhere! Thick white yoghurt-y streaks traced diagonal lines across the entirety of her face, dripping slowly between her lips and into her mouth, welling under her nose and the corner of one of her eyes … It was, without doubt, the hottest thing I had ever seen and from that moment, I was hooked. It became the thing I looked for in porn.

I began to search out the ‘facial’ and found, much to my happiness, that there was a pretty big subculture for it. And, to my surprise, I quickly found that even within the niche itself, there were things I liked and things I didn’t, that I had developed predilections for certain facials and distaste for others. For example, I enjoy the skin/semen contrast, meaning I like the jizz to be full-bodied, white and sticky, so it clings to the cheeks and actually looks like it’s there; this meant, for example, that for me a lot of the Euro-porn that was coming out of places like France and Italy at the time were out, because for some reason or other—possibly the food— the men seemed only able to ejaculate a thin, watery fluid that slid straight off and made the woman look like a messy drinker and nothing else.

I also found that bukkake was not my thing either. This you might think would be unusual. If you like to see a man come on a woman’s face, surely you’d like to see lots of men do so. I thought the same. Turned out I was wrong. It was just too much, and in the end, the woman looks like a drenched mess. At most, two guys is fine, but I prefer one on one. My wife says this is because I’m a romantic. I have a feeling she’s being ironic.

But talking of my wife leads me to the next part of the facial journey and the one I get the biggest joy from. Eventually, as happens, what once existed only in the realm of the pornographic entered reality; the time came to ask an actual lover if coming on a face was something that could happen for real. It’s a hell of a thing to ask, the first time, because, there’s something so deliciously dirty about coming on someone’s face, something so illicit, it’s hard to know what the reaction will be. A slap on your own face, perhaps, followed by the slamming of a door? A look of utter revulsion or downright suspicion maybe?

Well, I guess I got lucky. The first girl I ever asked, hardly daring to hope, while fully expecting a black eye, was a bemused smile that quickly became a lascivious grin. The look became even more bemused when I asked if she would actually say the words—the words are really important to me— “Come on my face.” She shook her head, as if amused by the precociousness of a naughty child, and then took me by the hand to the bedroom, where she proceeded to take me in her mouth. The anticipation of what I knew was about to happen was almost so much I came right there and then, but I managed to hold back and enjoy the blowjob. Eventually, my partner felt my growing excitement, the tension in my body, and began saying the words, “Come on my face… please… please come on my face.” To be honest, the “please”—which I wasn’t expecting—almost killed me, but not quite, and it was with utter, joyful abandon that I emptied by balls over that grinning face … and in doing so putting my feet on a path I would never want to leave.

Knowing that it can actually happen doesn’t make it any less difficult to broach the subject with new partners, but for the most part I have been fortunate and have found myself in happy, open-minded relationships where I am able to ask for these things. I am especially fortunate that my wife loves to oblige me in what she considers to be my only sexual oddity (she shares my love for role play and dressing up, so that doesn’t count), and the sly pleasure she gets from how, even now, I can still feel quite shy about wanting to do it. For my own part I prefer to save the facial for certain moments. Coming on my partner’s face all the time would take the pleasure out of it, would make it mundane—and I want to always feel the thrill when, in the heat of the moment, I can whisper in my wife’s ear, “Say the words,” and she will squeeze me tight and whisper into mine, “Please…” and the world around me begins to glow. It is, in essence, a moment of connection for us, a moment of trust, where my, let’s say, weirder proclivities are embraced and accepted, and that is something deeply special.

There are those who think it’s nasty. Coming on your partner’s face is demeaning to her and to women in general, they think. But, here’s the thing; even though I will admit that, yes, there is a certain amount of ‘dominance play’ in coming on your partner’s face—after all, they have to kneel down for it, which in no uncertain terms adds a further frisson of illicit pleasure—the fact of the matter is, that whenever a man goes down on a woman, if your face doesn’t come up from between her legs absolutely soaking in her juices, then you’re doing it wrong. Cunnilingus, if you know what you’re about, basically means having a woman come all over your face. So, to some extent, we could call fair’s fair. But who wants to make it about that? Coming on my partner’s face is my own personal playful perversion—I don’t care how many other people in the world are into it—it is part of who I am, and she accepts it, as I accept the things that she likes that make her who she is.

And now I really need to go and hear those words …

Jack Carrer for BaDoink.com

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October 29, 2014
3 Fantasies Men Secretly Crave

Let me start off by saying. To each his own. Most of us wake up in the morning to brush our teeth, grab an apple on our way out our condo, only to sit in traffic listening to dry humor on the radio as the rain pours over our newly washed car. The car has a rather annoying ticking noise that you can no longer notice. You think of what you laid out for dinner, your mortgage, your insurance. Or do you? Walking up three flights of stairs in your soggy, wet loafers you close your eyes. You feel her pull your wet pants off. you drop your laptop and open your eyes. There she is again. This figment of your imagination. or is she real? She always makes you feel wanted, she pleases you constantly, she never lets you down. You would leave your entire life just to be with her. You would do anything. So why don’t you?

She is just a fantasy. You would never actually leave your job, your home, your wife. Or would you? After a few years of role playing for people (men and woman alike) on camera, I realized I was continuously hired to play three specific roles for them.

One being the sexually charged home wrecker. Your wife’s hot friend, or the ex you wished you never left. The ultimate sexpot you would never leave your husband in a room alone with. I’m not sure why I am so good at it. It is highly entertaining and makes for a fun and harmless time. She prances around talking about how handsome you are, how she has thoughts of you. until you explode. You can’t take it anymore, all your morals go out the window. You want her bad. So you do it. Although every time you tell yourself it’s the last time, it never is.

Two, being a brat. That’s right, a brat. The one girl in your life you would do anything for. She never does anything for you except being ann arm candy. But for some reason, you just cant get enough of her teasing your belly fat. She is highly submissive but her bratty streak has you aching for her tease and denial. After all, you’re much older than her and it would be too long before you find another sexy, young girlfriend. It’s kind of a more innocent approach to being a dominatrix. A much more playful, less intimidating role perhaps. A cute little brat pushes all the right buttons. Especially the ones at your ATM machine visits.

Last, but not least the findom. She doesn’t need your money whatsoever, but you find yourself eating top ramen just to feed her shopping addiction. To see her face light up at the sight of your cash is what you live for. You literally have maxed out every credit card and are applying for even more. You love to pamper this gluttonous greedy goddess. Lavish gifts, vacations, and chocolates. Pampering pedicures. You even bought her a house. The more money you send her, the more she ignores you.

Everyone has their own fetish and desires. I think they not only need to be fed, but also embraced. I make videos for men and women of all ages and never scoff at an idea or request for a custom video. I know the world has so many doors yet to be open. I treat every person like they are my own fiery star; full of ideas and passion. I think I was born to be a people pleaser and that’s just exactly why I am here.

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October 11, 2014
Finding Confidence through Web Camming

“No, there’s no way I could cam. I’m way too fat for that.”

They are words that we are all familiar with, even if this particular conversation has never reached your ears. The idea of bearing it all in front of not only one person, but hundreds is daunting. Especially if you suffer from self-hatred, a very common disease among women. It’s the reason we turn the light off before having sex, the reason we stop trying on clothing in the middle of a shopping day, the reason we obsess in front of the mirror.

When I started web camming, I struggled with the idea of having others judge me. Even after searching through hundreds of models and watching shows with different women of all shapes and sizes—I still worried. It was one of the biggest jumps of my life to press that ‘Broadcast’ button. I remember my heart beating wildly in my chest as I watched the usernames enter the room, reading their first assessments of my body and my nature.

It was terrifying.

But I grew a tough skin without knowing it. I prepared myself for the worst and that hardly happened. I found myself brushing off the trolls and pigs that made their way into my room. They were drowned out by the flattery, drowned out by the friendly users who shared themselves with me. Each show became easier and easier—I was able to let go and enjoy that pure sexuality that came with web camming and taking that emotional jump.

I was at a party a few months later and had been approached by some family members whom I had not seen in some time. Like many untactful people, one of them mentioned I looked like I had gained some weight. Those words at one point would have sat in the back of my mind as I unrealistically planned to work out three times a day for the rest of my life. Instead, I found myself smiling and thinking of the many people who would strongly disagree.

What had happened? What was the switch? It wasn’t until I found myself in a relationship that I found how confident I had become. I wanted to shamelessly talk about my experiences and my preferences, I was communicating fetishes with ease and accepting what he presented as if we were discussing the weather. I had become sexually confident in myself and what I loved, and I knew that web camming was to ‘blame’.

Many people assume that web camming, stripping, and the adult industry in general harbors lost girls with no direction or self respect. I find it to be quite the opposite. We are powerful, sexual women who know what we want. We are confident even on days where we feel less than desirable. We have pushed ourselves outside our comfort zone and survived.

I’m not telling you to put down the gauntlet and jump on a web cam. I’m not telling you that the camera takes away all those imperfections you believe you have. I’m saying that sometimes that initial jump into the unknown and push into unfamiliar territory might be what unleashes the confidence you were unaware you had. Life presents you with many opportunities to go outside your comfort zone and grab onto what you want, next time it comes knocking … try pressing the ‘Broadcast’ button.

Have sex with the lights on.

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October 7, 2014
Everyone’s Got a Thing

Everyone’s got a thing. It could be something as mild as a particular brand of fragrance or as hardcore weird as wanting your partner to be entirely wrapped in cold, wet spaghetti while they pleasure you (I have no evidence that anyone does the spaghetti thing so photos would be welcome). The point is, whatever it may be, all of us have something that really gets us going.

In my case, it’s lingerie, specifically stockings and suspenders. Just writing the words has caused an involuntary ripple of desire in my bloodstream. In the grand old scheme of turn-ons, a pair of sheer stockings and a suspender belt is probably something of a classic. I’m okay with that; I’m a classic kind of guy. As an extra frisson, I’ll sometimes ask my partner to select a hand—one containing a black chess piece, the other containing a white—and depending on the color chosen, she will either play it innocently (white) or vampishly (black). I like both.

My partner tells me that I’m the first man who’s ever specifically asked her to wear such items, but also that she is very happy that I did, if only for the look on my face when she wears them for me.

So what is it exactly about stockings and suspenders that float my longboat? Is it perhaps because I’m British? There’s definitely an argument for that; they have been an icon of naughtiness in the UK (or UK-lite as the case may be after the vote on Scottish independence) for as long as I can remember, from the cheeky school uniform of the bad girls of the classic St. Trinians films to the wild fantasies of what lies below the uniforms of policewomen and nurses (perhaps in no small part thanks to the likes of Benny Hill and the old Carry On films). Maybe it’s the combination of stockings and suspenders with any kind of uniform, indicating that strange sexual pull towards authoritarianism that many Brits appear to share. Perhaps that explains Margaret Thatcher.

So, yes, I’d say that this may have a little to do with why I love S&S (their place in British popular culture, I mean; not on the Iron Lady’s gnarly proletariat-stompers); at least in terms of how they buried themselves into my consciousness during my formative years. That said, however they may have gotten into my head, it’s certainly not love of country that comes to mind when my partner strips down to reveal them (it’s not Queen Lizzy II for whom I’m upstanding). That’d just be plain weird, although, like we said at the beginning, everybody’s got a thing.

In the end, it comes down to aesthetics. The lines. Yeah, I’m going there … the artistic route! That and the probably-quite-key fact that above all else I am what is commonly known as … an ass man. And, boy, there is nothing that frames a beautiful bum (and my partner has a bea-u-ti-ful bum) like a pair of stockings and suspenders, the heady color contrast between material and flesh tones. They accentuate those two magical ovoid globes; they draw the eye to the greatest of peaches like a naked flame draws a moth. The strap of each suspender, connecting belt to stocking and clinging tightly to the curve of the backside, gracefully draws the gentle rounded arc of each wonderful cheek; the naturally designed triangle of the belt above the strap and the pulled triangle of a taut stocking top below serves even further to mark that sweet roundedness. Circles within circles … is there anything more universal? More hypnotic?

Not for me, clearly. Then again, if you’re into spaghetti…

Jack Carrer for BaDoink.com

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September 30, 2014