Tag: Sexuality

5 Things You Should Know About Going Down On Your Lady

Ah, the vagina. That mysterious piece of art between a woman’s legs. Few men dare to venture their faces too close, and those that do, regretfully, don’t quite know what they’re doing down there. Fortunately, I’m here to shed some light on this magical unicorn of sexual pleasure. Starting with…

1) It’s not an all you can eat buffet.

The goal here is not to plunge your face in and gobble up everything in sight. This isn’t some cheap Chinese buffet—it’s a delicate, gourmet meal. Start out slowly. Even foreplay needs a little foreplay, and everyone likes a little tease. Start out with little kisses leading the way, or just barely brush her clit with your tongue to get her warmed up. No need to dive right in; you are a respectable gentleman, not a cocker spaniel.

2) NO TEETH.

For some absurd reason, a few of the guys who I’ve had the unfortunate luck to sleep with think it feels good when they rub their teeth on my clit, or use their teeth as part of the “experience”. Now, I don’t speak for the entirety of women here, but it stands to reason that if you don’t want my teeth digging into your cock, then don’t be digging yours into my clitoris. Seriously, that shit hurts. Tongue and lips only, please!

3) Use your fingers!

We women are extremely lucky in that we have two main spots of pleasure in our genitals. One, the clitoris, which hopefully at this point you’re taking care of with your tongue and mouth. But often, a world of pleasure is ignored when you don’t use your fingers on the g-spot. Pleasure her orally for a little, get her nice and wet, and then slide two fingers inside her all the way and move your fingers up and down. It’s a win-win situation ; it’ll feel amazing for her, and you won’t end up with lockjaw ’cause she’ll come way faster.

[Side note : Please trim your nails before attempting any penetration of a vagina with your fingers.]

4) Don’t be afraid to suck.

By this, I don’t mean don’t be afraid to be awful at cunnilingus. Be very afraid of that.

What I’m talking about in this case is actually using a little sucking action on her clit.

My absolute favourite move, and one that I’ve only just recently experienced, is having the guy suck my clit into his mouth (LIPS ONLY. See #2.) and while sucking, run his tongue over and around it. Absolute perfection! Don’t be afraid to add a little suction action to your repertoire of pussy-eating skills. If your lady is anything like me, she’ll love it—and maybe return the favor. And I’m almost positive you won’t mind having a little suction action on your cock, right?

5) When in doubt, ask.

So, the time is here, you’re “headed downtown for some lunch”, your face is buried in an all you can eat pussy buffet … and you’re getting nothing. Not a moan, not a squeak. What are you doing wrong?

Well, the only sure fire way to find out is to ask. I’ve had guys go down on me who didn’t have the slightest inkling what I liked; and it’s not like they were going to read my mind to find out. Every woman is different, we all like slight variations on the traditional pussy-eating technique. So simply ask. “Do you like it when I do this?” “How do you like it baby?” Most of the time, you’ll get a very specific answer. We know what we like and for the most part, we’re not afraid to tell you. We will literally give you a map to the Kingdom of Orgasms—you just have to follow it. Easy, right?

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September 29, 2014
Top 3 Conditions Needed for a Good Sexual Experience

Necessary conditions for a good sexual experience. Promising title, no?

Well, as things often go, you might just end up getting something else than what you were expecting, but not always for the worse.

So what are the necessary conditions for a good sexual experience? Adequate levels of sexual desire for both participants? Being really aroused & wet? Having a (partner with) a larger than average penis? Orgasm(s)? Mood and lighting? Scented candles? Or perhaps Barry White?

Taking this approach to such a general question would lead us nowhere. Why? Because there is no such thing as ‘the right way to sexually stimulate women or men’, just the right way to stimulate that particular woman or that single man. If we were to ask a 100 people what they would need to have a good sexual experience, we would wind up with a 100 personal sexual guide books. To make matters worse, each of them would almost be completely useless as a guide to a good sexual experience for any other person. At best, one could read each other’s guide as a source of inspiration. If you’re in a committed partner relationship, this might be an enlightening exercise for the both of you!

So how then can we say something useful about the necessary conditions for having a pleasant sexual experience? This is done so by taking a broad approach. In sexological literature, you will find three conditions that have to be met to be able to have a good, pleasant, or satisfying sexual experience.

1. An intact & functioning sexual system

Sex, more specifically sexual arousability, requires certain areas of your brain sending signals traveling through several nerve bundles to various parts of your body and vice versa. If one of the links in this chain of information-sharing is malfunctioning, the entire system is put under stress, sometimes even making certain aspects of sexual experiences impossible. One’s nervous system, one’s endocrine system, one’s genitalia, one’s hands, lips, tongue, and also, one’s eyes, one’s nose, ears, and skin need to be intact and functioning, at least up to a certain level.

In other words: one needs to be able to register internal and external sexual stimuli—fantasies or desires, seeing a beautiful man or woman, feeling someone lightly brush by your neck—and all internal systems and organs that play a part in the elicited sexual response need to be intact.

2. Good sexual stimuli

Ok. Let’s assume you have an intact & functioning sexual system.
So you’re at home, sitting in your comfy chair attentively waiting for your sexual system to switch on.

I hope your chair is really, really comfy …

Every system has its start-up requirements. Our sexual system is no different. It needs an input of sexual stimuli to get going and keep going. As said, these stimuli can be both internal (like thoughts or fantasies) & external (like speech, touch, scents or just seeing someone you find attractive, hot, sexy). Both can do the trick equally well. Most people have a general idea of which stimuli are the most gratifying for themselves.

For most of us happy enough to be in a partner relationship, we have the luck of having a large source of different types of stimuli at hand each day; our partner. He or she can be a source of sensual thoughts or fantasies, look really sexy dressing in the right way (or not at all) or he/she can simply light those scented candles you like so much.

For most of us, with or without partner, potential stimuli are in abundance. Potential stimuli, because, even when you’re exposed to a potentially good sexual stimulus, you still have to see it in a sexual way. One has to allow oneself to interpret a stimulus sexually and to give sexual meaning and thus sexual value to a stimulus. For instance, let’s say for the sake of argument that seeing a woman naked serves as a good stimulus: So, it’s Sunday morning, you’ve slept in, you’re relaxed with nothing on your mind, you walk into the bathroom and there she is, naked, breasts in full sight, sitting on the water closet. This could still be a stimulating situation but that entirely depends on the meaning ascribed to what is seen. Do you see her as sitting there doing her business or do you see her as sitting there, naked? The latter could jumpstart one’s sexual system whereas the former would probably do just about the opposite.

Hence, we need stimuli to get our sexual system going, but we have to see them as sexual stimuli first in order for them to have the desired effect.

3. The right context

So there you are. Stimuli in abundance. You’re really taking them up in a sexual way. You feel your sexual system warming up, creating a feeling that could develop into full blown sexual desire & arousal and …. you’re standing in the middle of a crowded town square / the baby just woke up and is wailing to be / there’s still loads of household work that need to be done/ you can’t help but think it wasn’t really good the last time.

Even when all other conditions are just right and a pleasant sexual experience is a real possibility, you still need the right context for the situation to go forward in the desired way.

When you feel your system’s started up and desire and arousal are building, the time and place have to be just right for you to be able to actually do something with those feelings. And again, not only do the time and place have to be right in a practical sense, you also have to feel that it’s a good time and place for sex. When your mind is elsewhere or occupied with non-sexual thoughts, even a potentially good context to act upon your desire could feel like it’s not really the ideal time or place for for some sexy time.

As such, what’s the use of thinking about sex in this way? Well, knowing about these three conditions: a functioning sexual system, sexual stimuli, and the right context can help you to understand why your sexual partner sometimes doesn’t feel like having sex while you’re ready to go or vice versa. In addition, understanding why you or your partner behave in a certain way can help you to deal with certain tense and tricky situations, and most importantly, prevent frustration from building up.

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September 26, 2014
Top 10 Things Men Want From Women In Bed

Ever wonder how to please your man in bed?

Here’s a list of what men really want from their women underneath the sheets:

1. Women should be more interactive, in a way sometimes be more sexually aggressive to their man.

2. No star-fishing hoes. (don’t just lay there and get fucked)

3. Roll play with your man. It gets boring when we just do the same shit over and over.

4. Change up your scenario. Go to the backyard and get a tan while cumming, or bend over that oven. Maybe try anal? Who knows, you could love it, like that ring on your finger…

5. When’s the last time you gave your man road head? Think about it…

6. Make your own porn. Drop your insecurities and make a video with your man. We’re all adults here.

7. Ever thought about having sex with another female? Well, your man would fucking love to watch or be a part of that. Try it, you might just like it. I know sharing is hard but we’re not in kindergarten anymore.

8. Take your man to a strip club. Not the one by 7/11 though. Buy your man a lap dance and see how well he treats you after that. You’d be surprised.

9. Talk dirty, and I mean dirty. Bring out that inner slut you’ve bottled deep down inside you. Experiment with your body. There comes a time in everyone woman’s life where her man wants her to release that inner beast. We’re all humans, we all have demons, and we all have sick fantasies…

10. Finally, just give your man a blowjob once in awhile … and I don’t mean once a week. That released of pent up sexual frustration and anger will do you and your man a great deal. Believe me I know …

Well, hope this helps you out somehow 🙂

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September 23, 2014
20 Best Songs to Have Sex to!

Hello ! I’m Annette Worth; adult film actress, disc jockey’ dancer, and a Scorpio.
There are many ways to spice up your sex life and music is definitely one of these. Putting on the correct song that fits the mood can change an intimate moment from vanilla-ish to sensual and sexy. Different situations call for different types of romp-tracks and here is a playlist of the top 20 songs for 2014 that I have picked just for you:

Romantic songs are perfect for those candlelit dinners as you indulge in those languish nights:

Wish & Fonda Rae | Touch me all night long
Donald Byrd | Love has come around
Candido | thousand finger man
Paula Cole | Feelin love

Wild tunes to build up the heat for a threesome sexy romp:

Bad Boy Bill | Everybody
Benny Banassi | Able to Love
Frankie Knuckles | I’ve had enough
Deadmaus5 | Moar Ghosts ‘n’ Stuff (part 2)

Kink it up with that leather whip and a lil smack:

Ministry | Everyday is Halloween
Revolting cocks | Da Ya Think I’m Sexy
My Life With The Thrill Kill Kult | Waiting for Mommie
Bauhaus | Bela Lugosi’s Dead.

Quickie for that darn hot chick you’ve just met in the club:

The Prodigy | Smack My Bitch Up
Aphex Twin | Windowlicker
Awolnation | Sail
Skatt Bros | Walk The Night

Make up sex when who is in the right or wrong no longer matters:

Chris Isaak | Baby Did a Bad Bad Thing
Nick Cave and The Bad Seeds | Red Right Hand
Lenord Cohen | I’m Your Man
Tricky | Overcome

Well that pretty much sums it up. So put in a lil effort and have these tracks ready the next time you have sex ! Special thanks to the Crazy Legs of Rock Steady Crew NYC! Check out his website http://crazylegsworkshop.com/ and twitter account @CrazylegsRSC.

Sheena Carector can be found on Facebook; twitter @Annetworth; LinkedIn and email annetworth@gamail.com

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September 21, 2014
How to Seduce a Man

First and foremost, seduction does not require you to take off your clothes. All women are born with the sexual prowess to put men under our irresistible spell. Seduction is an art. Some are naturally gifted and others may require a little practice; but by keeping these simple tips in mind, you will successfully be able to lure your prey.

Be Confident

Seduction is a mind game and to win, confidence is essential. Relax. Smile. Laugh. Walk into the room with a regal attitude and heads will surely follow. Show off your best feature. I love to show off my soft and toned legs by wearing heels I am comfortable in walking in. Before you go out, wear sultry lingerie under your clothes; not for anyone else, but for yourself. Look in the mirror and tell yourself that no man will be able to resist you. There is something about wearing lingerie that boosts your self-esteem and empowers you. However, when interacting with your object of desire, let your confidence be genuine and flow naturally.

Body Language is Key

Don’t slouch. Good posture is sexy. Keep your back straight and hold your head high like the queen that you are. Be as physically close to him as possible without being overwhelming. Flirt with your eyes. Sometimes, they do all the speaking for you. Make eye contact during dinner, tilt your head, bat your eyes, and put on a playful smile. A simple touch can send a strong message. A gesture I like to do is to lightly touch his knee when he makes me laugh. I know this will pleasantly surprise him.

Be Mysterious

People are subconsciously attracted to mysterious beings. Use this to your advantage to be the seductive woman that you are. Give him something to imagine. Don’t give away all your clues. Make him figure you out. Be the chase; now it’s your turn to be the object of desire. Show off your neck and collarbone, a little bit of cleavage if you want, but nothing too obvious. You want to be understatedly sexy. If you’re going to reveal a part of your body, make sure other parts are covered. You want to make him wonder what you look like underneath your clothes.

Be A Tease
Men are visual creatures. Insist on going to a bakery to get cupcakes for dessert. Proceed to use your finger to eat the frosting off the cupcake and make sure he sees you lick your lips. Not only will he find this extremely cute but sensual as well. Whisper dirty things to him in public. If you’re in bed with him, slowly climb onto the bed on all fours. Make this look as natural as possible. I love to get on top and start a hot make out sesh. Gradually work you way down, licking his neck, biting his ears, kissing his chest and torso. Place your hand on his penis and gently stroke up and down. If he insists on you giving him a blowjob, don’t. Remember, he needs to earn his prize. Dry hump him. It will drive you both insane, but you want to create a sense of urgency in him. Make him weak to his knees. Be irresistible, sexy, and confident. You are the seductress.

by Alexa Chang

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September 16, 2014
Human Affection—Can We Live Without It?

‘What happens to humans who never get touched?’

‘How long can I live without human affection?’

‘What happens when people are not touched by other people?’

How do these statements make you feel? They make me feel sad. My heart sinks each time I read them. What makes my heart sink even further is that these statements are the most used search terms that take people to my blog over at mattatlotus.com.

Why are people searching for these? What is it that is lacking in society today that results in human beings—our brothers and sisters—sitting alone at home perusing the internet to find out what happens if they never get touched?

The tagline on my website reads: ‘because everybody needs to be held’ and there is an obvious reason for this. This statement lets people know that I work differently. Sure, it is about the sex, of course it is. Yes, it is also about exploring our darker nature together but it is, absolutely and categorically about making love too. My clients are my clients. I do not feel any unnecessary emotional attachment to them after the session is over. This is simply not healthy or helpful to either of us. I do, however, feel a sense of care, high regard and yes, affection towards whomever it is I am working with at any given time. The above search terms should tell you just why my work has evolved in this way and also, I hope, this will encourage you to get out there and start hugging!

Before you do that, let me just remind you of something very important about us human beings: we are interdependent by nature. We need each other to carry out certain tasks and we rely on our interconnectedness to go about our daily lives. What would we do if the refuse workers forgot to collect our rubbish? Where would we be if the key holder to our offices couldn’t be bothered to turn up at work? What would happen if the teachers didn’t arrive at school each day? Disease. Poor profits. Stupid children. To name just three examples of how one apparently unrelated event or absence can have a negative impact on another. Now, let’s start hugging …

There was some research done many years ago on the human touch and the need for human affection. I won’t go into the details here because you are here on SimplySxy for a reason and I’m damn sure being blinded by statistics isn’t it, but I will tell you this: the findings showed that we do need human affection, physical touch and support in order to feel happy. We do need each other so that our bodies and minds work properly.

When you have sex, your endorphins (happy chemicals) rush around your body and your serotonin (more happy chemicals) levels rise. These make you feel better. It really is that simple … and sexy … SimplySxy … sorry couldn’t resist but let’s be serious for a moment. When we don’t have sex, the opposite happens and when we are not being touched at all … we’re fucked.

I speak from experience and if you take a look at my blog at some point, or if you stick around here in the weeks to come I will tell you all about it. I am a sex worker for a reason. You do the job you do for a reason. I am sure we are both so very good at our jobs for reasons! Everything, everything dear reader, is connected. So … Please, please and a final big please: get yourself out there, in the real world and make some friends, meet some lovers, make love to a whore and really, really connect with someone. If you are all alone, be brave, be bold and be confident in the knowledge that it isn’t just you. There are others in the same boat of loneliness and that means … drum roll please: that you’re not alone at all!

There is something else that I say on my website and I am going to say it to you here too. Partly, I want to apologise for repeating it, I don’t really like to repeat content across my platforms but this one really is the exception and you will see it on my website, on my blog and now here, on SimplySxy:

Psst! You, yes you! Lean in, are you leaning? Listen closely. Are you listening? I want you to know something: I want you to know that whoever you are, wherever you are from, no matter where on the planet you currently reside, irrelevant of your spiritual/political/religious/social beliefs, inclusive of your gender/sexuality/colour/background and fully embracing of every aspect of yourself that makes you you—You. Are. Loved.

Yes, you are.

BIG! HUGE! GINORMOUS Hug!

Matt xXx

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September 15, 2014
Swingers Lifestyle Revealed: Our Unusual Relationship

Our relationship is a strange one. When people ask us what we like to do, we often need to take more thought than a “normal” couple would and censor the answer just a bit. We do enjoy things like drinking, dancing, going to movies, etc. But in the whole scheme of things, we are often bored by those normal activities. We found a lifestyle that better suits us. A lifestyle that allows us me meet fun, like-minded people, and to explore limitations within ourselves. We have an open relationship, or as some call us: swingers.

My wife and I met when I was deployed to Germany for Operation Enduring Freedom. I am 12 years older than she is, and when we met she was only 18. She had only had one sexual experience to that point and it was not a good one. She had written off sex as something that people do, but that she would never enjoy. Once our relationship developed to that point, she realized that there was a lot of fun to be had that she had never tapped into, and I realized that I had awakened a side of her that she had never seen. I decided that I wanted her to be able to explore this new sexual fondness, so then began the conversations about whether to make this fantasy into a reality.

Our first experience was with a single male. As awkward as it was, it made both of us realize that this is a lifestyle that we can both really enjoy. From that first experience, it has grown into an open relationship in which we both are able to play with couples or singles, alone or together. And even as most people do not understand it, after being in this lifestyle for over 8 years, we are closer than ever with one another. We love the new opportunities and adventures that this has given to us, but even more than that we cherish the new friendships that we have been able to make.

Probably the most common question that we are asked is “how do you two make such an alternative lifestyle work?”. Our answer is actually the most obvious: honesty. We always tell each other what we are going, and make sure that the other is good with it. We help each other fulfill fantasies, and always share our experiences with one another. Rules have to be in place, always followed, and understanding that different situations can bring about different rules at any time. We have had a few bumps in the road, but overall we have had great experiences and wouldn’t want to live our lives any other way.

Scott and Rachael

Rachael is 27 and bi. Scott is 39 and straight. We have been married for a little over 6 years. We are on SLS at ohiocpl23 and Rachael has her Twitter https://twitter.com/sharedwife23

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September 11, 2014
Sex, lights and shadows

A few years ago I’ve decided to study sexology. Why? The answer is divided in two obvious reasons. One consists of the importance this term has in people’s lives, the other because I’ve always found it incredible that something that can be so pleasant for some people, can also lead to be so hurtful for others at the same time.

Sex is the source of satisfaction, or, at least, it should be. Without question, it helps us to express ourselves, and is an essential part which shapes many people’s lives—maternity and paternity. At the same time, however, sex is not only experienced in a pleasant way, it is now also used as a weapon and it can also lose all meaning when that longed-for pregnancy does not occur. When I understood that this well-known term shed as much light as shadows, I decided to investigate it and contribute my own findings and allow my reflections to be read by others that it might help, as far as possible, to experiment this experience in its best way possible.

The whole world talks about sex—did you notice? However, quantity is not always synonymous to quality . . . We think we know everything. But what have they really taught us about it? In school, the information is minimal and limited to reproduction which leaves out important functions such as delight or communication. And at home, it’s a taboo for many. That leaves the, not always objective, mass media, and the useful trial-and-error-technique.

Something is clear to me now is that the basis of a good sexual health hides behind that keyword: education. That sexual education, that is usually lacks. Yes, something so easy could change so many thing . . . and, I’m afraid, not just on that topic, but I will try not to leave my script. An adequate sexual education, devoid of myths and prejudice which fosters the respect of one self and of others, doubtless, will construct the foundations on which to build a healthy and responsible sexuality. The upbringing in a strict and restricted environment confines the liberty when exploring our own body, and limits the experience of creating a complete understanding of that matter. Don’t let us be deceived, sexual education is also a right. Let us be aware of it and fight for it!

On the other hand, we are living in a world full of demands. Yes, we have to be perfect in every moment and the slightest fault might be penalized. Perfect bodies, perfect performance . . . as if we were in a movie—everything has to be controlled to the millimeter, and this is how, little by little, relationships lose their naturalness, and are filled with anxieties and insecurities. The erotic film could be a magnifying complement to increase our desire and fantasize a bit while always having in mind that the cinema is nothing more than that, cinema. Our lives are full of imperfections and sex is not an exception to that, that’s exactly where its appeal lies. Think about it—the unpredictable could be so much more fun!

And… talking about demands, here comes another one: Did you notice that maternity and paternity are often also demanded in the script? Surely, you never thought about the covert social pressure that exists about this topic. In general, it is taken for granted that everyone has to be a mother and a father without stating why, and if this doesn’t happen, it is reason for frustration. We have to explain that the function of sexuality with regard to reproduction is one option, not an obligation, and that it is, of course, not the only means . . . We have to be conscious about our decisions and decide freely how we walk through life!

That’s it for our peculiar appetizer. We know, you’ve started to open your mind and want to find out more about sexuality . . . don’t worry, this cocktail of reflections is just the beginning!

María Jiménez Albundio

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August 23, 2014
A Sex Positive Asexual

Before I started watching the BBC cult hit Torchwood, well-meaning friends and acquaintances told me I wouldn’t like it because there’s a lot of flirting, innuendo and sexual activity. You see, I am asexual, so my friends assumed that meant I was uncomfortable with the idea of characters who were comfortable with themselves as sexual beings.

My friends were wrong on both counts. Torchwood not only became one of my favorite shows, but was also instrumental in helping me figure out my gender identity. I was never uncomfortable or upset with the sex in the show. If anything, I was a little jealous because even though I believe sexuality is a beautiful part of humanity, I don’t experience sexual attraction the same way most people do.

From a young age, I felt something was different about me. In first grade, the other children were discussing who they had crushes on. I didn’t have a crush on anyone and didn’t know what a crush felt like. So I looked around the room at all the boys (this was before I realized anything about who I was and assumed I was supposed to be a girl and supposed to have crushes on boys), chose one I had things in common with and decided I had a crush on him. While the girls around me were giggling about how cute their crushes were, I was whispering the boy’s name and reminding myself that I was supposed to have a crush on him. I felt nothing different for him than for anyone else in my class.

As I got older and people began dating, my feelings didn’t change all that much. The only difference between me as an adult and me as a six-year-old was that sometimes I would think a guy was cute or a girl was gorgeous, but those feelings felt like they were floating in a vacuum. I noticed other people’s attractiveness the same way I noticed what color shirt they were wearing; it didn’t inspire any particular feeling in me.

What did inspire feelings in me were people’s personalities. Sometimes I would meet someone and I would feel like I HAD to get to know them better. I thought I was just pathologically shy because every time I felt this way, it was hard for me to carry on a conversation with the person. I’d be afraid they wouldn’t like me or not want to get to know me and more often than not, I wouldn’t talk to them at all and never had the opportunity to find out if we could be friends. Today, I know that that’s what my crushes feel like: a deep desire to be best friends with someone, to share everything about me, to learn everything about him or her, to spend time together.

That isn’t a judgment about sex. It isn’t a belief that sex is somehow dirty or wrong. It isn’t a belief that there’s something wrong with people who have high sex drives or talk about sex or engage in sex regularly. It’s just the way it is for me.

I don’t know why people think that being asexual means thinking sex is bad. After all, people don’t think that gay people are saying that sex with members of the opposite sex is bad simply because they don’t have any desire to engage in it. Similarly, I generally don’t experience sexual attraction to anyone.

I think asexuality has a strong place in the sex positivity movement. Sex positivity is about celebrating sexual diversity, supporting each other’s sexuality, accepting others’ rights to their own sexual desires even if they aren’t the same as ours. So surely there’s a place for people who don’t experience sexual attraction at all.

I used to feel like something was missing because I will never look at another human being and know what it feels like to be sexually attracted to her. But now I’m proud of my own, unique sexual make up, and I’m glad to be me while being super-interested in learning about other people’s sexuality and supporting their expression of it.

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July 23, 2014
Fan Submissions: No Finesse Whatsoever

“Is this water or silicone based lube?” Mike questioned from the bed.

I stared back at him from the bathroom sink. “Um, silicone.”

“Oh, well I thought you couldn’t use silicone lube with silicone toys, something about it messing up the toy’s surface.” Mike responded quizzically.

“Oh, Fuck. I don’t know.”

I pulled the string of pale purple anal beads from the sink of warm water and pinched them slightly.

“Pretty sure they’re just rubber.”

My relationship with Mike grew out of a shared interest in spirituality, whatever the fuck that really means. I was searching for a way out of my vapid sorority saturated college experience and he was available, ready and willing to lure me into one of the strangest relationships I’ll ever know. So, what began as a bond formed over hot coffee and discussions of The Secret, turned into a weirdly fulfilling sexual conquest and bout of experimentation. It’s also what led to my ability to give one hell of a blowjob. I can say that with confidence because I probably gave the kid over 200 blowjobs. I was also taking tips from Sasha Grey videos. He unfortunately, ate pussy like a real amateur. No finesse whatsoever. He treated the whole ordeal like a medical procedure, nerve-racking and tedious. Nothing worse than revealing in a state of post orgasmic bliss and seeing your significant other’s face pull away from your pussy in twisted confusion and fear.

Despite the excessive exchange of oral sex, our sex-ationship held an experimental element that resembled a Masters and Johnson type affair. Our sex had purpose, outside of meaning and intimacy, which it was virtually devoid of. We were pioneers on a sexual frontier conquesting through the use of sex toys, amateur YouTube videos and shared fantasies. Originally, it was all his idea. One night early on, he pulled out a drawstring bag from beneath his bed as I was reading a compilation of Buddhist fables. Without speaking he dumped the contents onto the bed, smiling coyly like some perverted Santa Claus delivering gifts on Christmas. Strewn across the red sheets lay brightly colored cock rings, anal beads, Velcro handcuffs, strange squishy blue dice with words that read “suck” or “pinch” or “kiss”, and a shiny egg-shaped vibrator. “My bag of toys, for you.” He remarked, playing even more into the perverted Santa Claus role. Truthfully though, I loved them all. Each toy brought on a new challenge. I became obsessed, in a way, with the excitement it provided. I felt empowered.

I certainly had my own sexual interest too. They developed mostly out of watching consecutive episodes of True Blood. Something about the erotic subordination of humans during vampire sex that caused me to raise an eyebrow with investigatory excitement. The way this translated in the bedroom was far less fantastical. It involved Mike choking me during intercourse to act out the domineering role of a hollow hearted and sex driven Bill Compton. Most of our fantasies played out that way, providing fleeting enjoyment that fell short due to lack of intimacy.

The relationship will always be memorable despite its lack of meaning. In its aftermath, it helped with many things. It led me to finally buy my own vibrator: fitted with ten pulsating speeds and a waterproof technology that really made bathing a worthwhile endeavor. I grew to know what I like; where, when and how. It made me comfortable to have sex with myself and ask subsequent partners to partake in what I most enjoyed. While the sex-ationship was doomed to collapse but in a serendipitous and realistic way, it’s moments were fun and exciting albeit also deeply embarrassing.

“Ok, well either way, rubber or silicone, bring them over here.” Mike responded decidedly.

“So the video said that if I put them in before I eat you out and then sloooowly pull them out as you’re coming, it will intensify your orgasm or something.”

“Will do.” I replied laying my head back onto the pillow, closing my eyes and inhaling deeply. “Here we go,” I thought. The process itself was mediocre, as it usually was. A combination of inconsistent tongue flicks and infantile sucking that seemed more like a series of muscle spasms than anything else. Eventually though, through the powers of pelvic muscle tightening and nipple stimulation, I began to reach my plateau. I bore down into the bed, arched the small of my back and exclaimed hurriedly, “Ok, I’m about to come.”

As the rush of feeling flowed through my lower half, I barely noticed the gentle motion of beads being pulled slowly from within my ass. And then … shit. Literally. I didn’t really smell or see anything but it became evident that female ejaculate was not the only fluid I secreted at that particular moment. Mike pulled away with force but surprisingly his expression was less exasperated then it was after most instances of pussy-eating. He rushed to the bathroom, beads in hand and quickly threw them into the sink. I laid there, paralyzed, and not in the post orgasmic way I usually enjoyed. “Did I just shit on the bed?” I thought to myself in a moment of sheer panic. I sat up suddenly and looked down. Nothing there. Thank god. The last thing I needed in that moment was to resemble a puppy caught in the act of soiling the Persian rug in the living room. Suddenly Mike reappeared.

“Well, I’ve got to go to work.”

“That didn’t turn out very well did it?”

He smiled. “Could have been better.” He kissed me on the forehead. “Might want to let those soak for a little while.”

I smiled back meekly, feeling my cheeks redden like I was in a Charlie Brown cartoon.

After he headed out, I drudgingly walked into the bathroom. Still unaware of whether I had excreted shit on the beads, I tossed them into the trash. They really didn’t intensify my orgasm anyway.

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June 11, 2014