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Tag: kink

  • Recommended restraints for BDSM play

    Recommended restraints for BDSM play

    If you’re controlling your man’s orgasms then preventing him from touching himself when his chastity device is removed can be very important.  It can also be a huge turn on for him to feel helpless while you tease and edge him. Here are a few suggestions for some restraints that I’ve got to know intimately and would wholeheartedly recommend to others.

    First of all you need to know that I’m a struggler—if I’m put in restraints then I’m going to test their limits and try to escape. I’m not devious, it’s just that I like the feeling of very strict and secure bondage so I need to know I can’t escape. Anything that is used to bind my limbs needs to be strong and secure, otherwise it’s useless.

    Police-style Steel Handcuffs

    This type of restraint is very strict by design—caution needs to be used because soft-tissue damage can occur if the bracelets are too tightly applied or allowed to close tightly in use. Handcuffs are not designed to be comfortable in use but do give the dominant a very quick way to restrain their partner’s hands. I get restrained in two different sets of handcuffs and enjoy the different ways they feel.

    Hiatts Speedcuffs

    We have been using these cuffs for several years—they’re the same ones as the UK police force use and are very strict restraints indeed. When applied with the hands back to back and with the locks pointing towards the body, it’s almost impossible for the restrained person to escape even with the key. Because they’re rigid cuffs, the customary way to apply them is with one arm above the other in a ‘stacked’ configuration; this reduces the risk of damage to the restrained subject. It’s also advisable to use the double locking function—not for security but to prevent the shackles from tightening.

    When put in these cuffs, the subject feels very securely restrained and the cuffs themselves feel pleasingly heavy when on. The fact that they’re rigid prevents a lot of arm movement which feels very restrictive and the non-rounded edges of the shackles remind you that you’re wearing serious restraints—I’ve worn quite a few different sets of handcuffs and these are my favourite for the secure feeling they give.

    Smith and Wesson Model 1 Hinged Cuffs

    Hinged cuffs give the wearer a bit more movement and can afford a little more comfort whilst not compromising on security. These cuffs are also very strict restraints and the bigger shackle size means that they can fit a bigger variety of wrist sizes. These Model One cuffs also feel nice and heavy when put on.

    The problem with steel handcuffs is that when I’m cuffed with my hands behind (there’s no point cuffing a chase male to the front if you’re trying to prevent him access to his penis), it can be very uncomfortable to be made to lie on my back. The cuffs dig into my wrists and back which is also potentially harmful. Luckily, there is the perfect restraint available for keeping control of a chaste male’s arms and it’s available from the recently re-opened Sub-Shop.

    Leather Restraints

    Who doesn’t like the combination of security, strictness, comfort and safety that leather restraints offer?  I love pulling against a leather restraint and feeling that there’s no give at all and no chance of escape.

    Subshops’s Behind the Back Obedience Trainer

    Here it is being modelled by the beautiful Autumn:

    This restraint is absolutely perfect to use with Male Chastity because it comfortably and securely keeps his arms where you need them to be while you edge him and deny him orgasm for as long as you want. If you’re running a strict regime which requires his hands to be secured when his chastity belt is off then this is a must-have restraint. The only thing that you may want to consider is that his hands aren’t completely restrained and he could possibly struggle free. The next recommendation takes care of that:

    Top to Bottom Leathers Padded Fist Mitts

    I am a huge fan of Top To Bottom Leathers and their products. We have quite a few of their restraints and they are of the highest quality, no amount of struggling is going to break them. The optional locking buckles are a very nice touch. These fist mitts are made to size and once buckled on and locked, there is very little opportunity to escape.  Actually I’d go as far as to say that once these are on me and the mitts are linked behind they’re inescapable under supervised conditions.

    This article and all associated images in the article have been republished with permission from John.
    Please visit John’s website to view the original post and more of his articles.

    Feature image courtesy of Shutterstock
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  • Big is Sexy – BBW is In!

    Big is Sexy – BBW is In!

    The definition of a feeder is usually a male who likes to encourage weight gain in his partner through the consumption of food. Feeders differ from FA (fat admirer), whilst an FA is attracted to big girls, a feeder gets turned on by making a thin girl fat … or a big girl even bigger. Every feeder has a ideal weight they fantasize about fattening a girl up to. Some want to see how the body grows and expands and where all the fat goes, will it go to her butt or belly or boobs? Will the fat be hard or soft and jiggly. Its a love affair with the actual fat on her growing body.

    Then there are the guys who want to immobilize a girl by getting her too fat for her body to handle. These guys like girls around 150 lbs to start gaining weight till they are 500 or 600 lbs. This happens but is really rare, it is mostly a fantasy or the girls who gain stop gaining after a certain point. This is perhaps the more controversial part of the BBW (big beautiful woman) niche because the guys really like the woman to be so fat they cannot move. However, not every fat admirer likes feeding, its a very niche part of being a BBW, but it sells the most because not many girls are willing to gain weight.

    My personal experience with gaining is a little different. I don’t have one specific feeder who wants me to gain or achieve a goal weight. I just eat what I want when I want and do not stress about my size. I have gained around 90 lbs over the last three years in the industry. I went from 190 lbs to about 230 lbs when I first entered the industry and found the fetish. Then I became pregnant so my body naturally gained weight and I was about 260 lbs after. With the birth control I started on after I delivered, I gained about 20 lbs, which my doctor said is very normal. Through out my weight gain, I have dominated my niche with two AVN nominations for BBW of the year, five nominations for BBW fanfest awards, and modeling for Hustler and Evil Angel. Apart from that, I produce a lot of content for other BBWs and myself to sell on our personal sites. I tend to do a lot of weighing videos where I am stepping on the scale. The video clips are about two mins per weigh in and I have one of the top selling BBW site in the world. Its so simple and my fans love it. Realistically, I have gained all that I can so I am shooting on other fetishes as well.

    Men have all kinds of fetishes and nuances in all those particularities. The BBW niche is no exception. There are all kinds of belly play, slapping, rough, punching, jiggling, fucking the actual belly fat or belly button fucking. I recently shot a hot boy girl scene for a site called plumperpass with the legendary Shane Diesel and belly play is a staple in their shooting routine. His monster cock was buried in my belly button and my fans went crazy for it. I love it when my man worships every inch of my body and my stomach is no exception. That is what belly play is all about, kissing and caressing another part of your BBW partner’s body that you enjoy. Most women are so self conscious of their mid-section but body acceptance actually begins inside yourself, and having your partner eagerly accepting your whole body makes it easier.

    My take on all of it really is that everyone has some kink. Whether it is liking blondes or fake tits or fat girls, everyone has a right to enjoy their preferences without chastisement as long as all parties are willing. We are all adults after all. Does me being fat and having a good sex life take away from your ability to do the same? Happy fucking!

    Check out SimplySxy’s other two featured articles by BBW’s Kimmie Kaboom and Sarah Reign

    For more information on Eliza, visit her website at http://elizaallure.com/ or read her profile below and click on the links to follow her!

    Image courtesy of Eliza Allure
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  • How Fifty Shades of Grey Saved My Marriage

    How Fifty Shades of Grey Saved My Marriage

    It was a beautiful hot summer day and my wife and I were driving to a local wine festival in our community. There was nothing particularly special about this day except for my wife’s willingness to visit the wine festival due to her not having a fondness for the taste of wine.

    Little Kaninchen and myself blend right into the crowd at events such as this. We are both in our early 40’s, athletic and both of us are successful professionals. Our children were just beginning to become mature enough that we could venture out without them in tow, just the two of us again. We hadn’t been on a date in ages, maybe even since pre-children, as sad as that truth may be.

    As we strolled from one winery to the next, tasting almost every wine imaginable, we began to relax from the everyday pressures of life in general. About halfway through the event, we steered for a large cluster of Clumped Birch trees that were running along the center edge of the festival. The trees were offering some desperately needed shade from the scorching summer sun.

    We laid on our backs in the cool shade cast below the Birch Trees, eating and drinking and laughing for almost an hour. It was the best time that I can remember having with my wife in years.

    And then suddenly out of nowhere my wife said that she was no longer happy in our marriage.

    LK and I have always been that ‘perfect couple’… I am sure that you have met others like ourselves, high school sweethearts that have been together since we were 15 years old and married at the tender age of only 18 years old. We were supposed to celebrate our 23rd wedding anniversary that year.

    For once I was completely speechless. I had thought that we had a wonderful marriage or at least a typical loving marriage.

    LK went on to explain that she had read a book and that the book had really spoken to her. She went on to confess that this book has given her the courage to be honest with me but even more importantly, that it has given her the courage to be honest with herself in regards to her true desires and the life that she wants to live.

    Again, speechless… I was certain that she had already planned, in great detail, her departure from our marriage without even allowing me a single opportunity to make things right.

    My normally well calculated thoughts were now in disarray and confused. Before I could even utter a word, LK went on to say that her repressed desires were to submit to me sexually. If I was in a state of confusion at the onset of this conversation I was completely disoriented now and was almost positive that she didn’t know what she was saying to me.

    I believe that quite possibly for the first time in our entire relationship LK had the floor, she was doing all of the talking with literally no response from myself.

    It would be revealed during this conversation that the book that encouraged my LK to confront her true desire of submission was none other than the popular Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy. While reading FSOG she began to discover the many similarities between the main characters and herself.

    Little Kaninchen had spent most of her life trying to be what society would consider ‘a good girl’, which has an entire different meaning to us today.

    The FSOG trilogy was not a how-to guide for a BDSM relationship but it did allow her to be introduced to a non-judgmental world within the confines of it’s pages.

    My wife was drowning in our vanilla relationship that had become stagnant for many reasons over the years, all of which I will personally take responsibility for. Fifty Shades of Grey encouraged my wife to realize that she could confront the societal pressures and prejudice placed on what a loving relationship is supposed to look like. And more importantly what a ‘good wife’ is supposed to be.

    Mr. Fox

    Visit husDOM™ at https://husdom.com/ or click on the icons at Mr Fox’s profile below to find out more!

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  • Of Ravishing BBW

    Of Ravishing BBW

    When emailed about writing an article for SimplySxy the topic was “Why sex is more fun with BBWs”, I wasn’t exactly comfortable with it and I am grateful that SimplySxy was so flexible in allowing me to approach this topic my way.  Mostly because I think it is unfair and even a bit egomaniacal for one to think that sex with a particular body type is better than another body type or is it? If there is anything I have learned over the years and especially since beginning my porn career is that there is a niche for everyone.

    Big beautiful woman (BBW) being one of those niches and with that being said it hasn’t always been socially acceptable. Looking back 10–15 years ago, BBW were not as mainstream as they are today. For that, all of us as well as myself should be very grateful that wonderful BBWs like Sam38G and Ms. Maria Moore opened those doors and paved the way for other BBWs. Not just for those of us in the porn industry but for all women, they helped bring out the sexiness in all of us. They helped break through those society based stereotypes and showed everyone that yes, the chubby, the BBW can be sexy. They can be desired by men and even women for that matter. I love being a BBW, especially in porn. I feel more sexy, more desired, more wanted and even more self confident than I ever have.IMG_1522

    Basically I guess what I feel is that BBWs and Barbie doll types (for lake of a better phrase) are like any other fetish or genre for men and women to lust after. I don’t think that I or any other women hold the key, magic spell or potion for the holy grail of sex. I think that having self confidence in who you are and knowing what you desire and those desires of your partner are what makes for the best sex ever.

    I didn’t want to write this without getting my husband, Mr. KaBoom’s opinion as I felt that a male perspective was important. He said that he feels the reasons he has always liked the BBW is their voluptuous figure and their boobs of course, spoken like a true boob man. Again, feeding into that niche or genre. When asking other male opinions, I was disappointed to learn that many men prey on the BBW or SSBBW types because many of these women have low self esteem and feel the need to please and be completely submissive or less likely to say “NO” to some things in the bedroom. The same men also told me that they felt they didn’t have anything to prove either. That they too, felt the pressure of being “society” perfect to obtain the “society” perfect women. I really didn’t want to believe this so I went to a few women I knew to get their take on this. I did indeed, learn that three of the four I spoke with confirmed some of the things the men told me. They said they didn’t feel like body wise, they lived up to other society based women (barbie dolls) and that giving in to sexual requests and being submissive in the bedroom gave them that sense of control and self esteem. Therefore, empowering them and making them feel dominant in the bedroom.

    Which leaves me asking “Is sex more fun with a BBW?” I know that since I have been in the porn business, my husband and my sex life has been even better than before, NOT that there was anything wrong with it before. We have always had a healthy sex life and still do. The thing is that with all the popularity with my work and ever growing fan base, it has only increased my self confidence and has made me feel more comfortable in my own skin. So, perhaps sex with us BBWs are more fun. And husbands out there, remember that when your barbie doll wife bares your children and gains an extra 40 pounds over the course of your marriage. Remember sex isn’t dead but can actually just be getting good, perhaps even the best of your life 😉

    Check out Kimmie’s clips and you won’t be disappointed at http://clips4sale.com/88322

    Find out more about Kimmie by visiting her website at http://www.kimmiekaboom.com or following her on twitter https://twitter.com/thekimmiekaboom/.  Do read her profile below and click on the links to check her out!

    Image courtesy of Kimmie KaBoom
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  • Slutwife fantasy: Telling my wife

    Slutwife fantasy: Telling my wife

    Be subtle, take it gradual. Read the signs. I would say think about what you’re thinking about doing very carefully, because once you do it, there’s no going back. It took us years, yes we used to talk about things as sexual foreplay, and it excited us both. But going from the fantasy to the reality didn’t happen overnight and neither was it planned that way.

    Look at how strong your relationship is. Seriously, if your relationship means anything to you, then consider how deep the love between the two of you is. The last thing you want is for one partner to use this as a means to end a relationship which they weren’t committed to anyway, and to use this as an excuse.

    I think maybe a lot of people reading this will find this talk of love between two people, while contemplating sleeping with other partners a little strange. But at the heart of all this, is the emotional and physical relationship of the people involved, it really is. The reality of this is that while it can be sexually exciting and thrilling, and rewarding, it can also end up wrecking marriages and ruining relationships. If you have a family, please, please think about them, and put them first in any decision.

    I’m probably coming off as a little negative, but you really do need to consider everything.

    Having said that, often there can be surprises the other way too. How often do you hear of wives who you would never in a million years, think of having affairs, having a ‘fling’ with a work colleague? Or of having been involved with another man for a longer period of time without anyone’s knowledge?

    What I’m saying is, you never truly know as much about the other person as you possibly think you do. Who knows what a wife or partner truly thinks or what she wants as well. I’ve spoken previously about the ‘slut label’ and it’s an implication for many women. How society shapes the way we think about ourselves and what others think about us and because of that, the way it limits the way we think we should be or act. So how do you really know what reaction to expect to anything unless you pluck up the nerve to approach something … having thoroughly thought through the consequences before hand. Life is short, sometimes you need to consider this too, because no one knows if this is the only life you live and if it is, then sometimes you need to overcome fear and know that if something is important to you, that at least you tried, even if sometimes what you try doesn’t succeed.

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  • Will I make a good Submissive?

    Will I make a good Submissive?

    Am I really cut out to be… a submissive?

    It’s a common and concerning question for many of us when we first begin to explore ourselves. Where do I belong in the jungle of this lifestyle? What is right for me among all these titles? Am I really cut out to be a…submissive? It can be a little alarming, and a bit confusing. For those of us who are submissive, we usually learn that way pretty quickly. For myself, I always lived this way before I started to really “live” this way. I’ve always, even at a young age, had that inner desire to serve and please.

    Many things can lead us away from the path of submission. Lack of confidence, being unsure about what we really and fully desire, and of course… not knowing what we should do, or what will be expected of us.  I’ve also heard some expressed worry that they will lose who they are, or lose power over themselves. I want to discuss these topics and hopefully put some minds at ease, and perhaps help others decide if this is the right path for them.

    Confidence.

    This is a biggie. Like most things in life, if we do not have confidence, we will constantly doubt ourselves. We all struggle with this at times. And usually, there is a reason behind why we feel this way, beyond all that Dr. Freud-type self analyzing.

    A common reason would be: We feel less confident because we worry about what people may say or how they may think about us. How people will look at us differently perhaps. Some people that may be unfamiliar with the lifestyle can picture a submissive as a weak, small thing with no confidence. Someone with no voice. And one of the worst that I have heard… a door mat. I am here to tell you, that is so far from the truth. And the good news is, that old visual of us is not as popular as it once was. Thanks to the internet, books, and even mainstream movies, many more people now understand, even if it is not something that they would consider for themselves.

    The fact is, the more submissives you meet, the more you will see that they are usually opposite from those old stereotypes. They are empowered, free, often very strong willed… some even impishly so *cough*, and anything but weak or lacking confidence.

    With that said, I’ll let you in on something else I have learned. I have never, ever in my life until Sir and I entered the local and online community… seen such a loving bunch of people. One of the most common rules I see given to submissives, are ones that help them RAISE their confidence. Or ones that do not allow them to self bad talk. Not many Dominant’s will tolerate their sub bad talking themselves. We get taught to love ourselves, and take care of ourselves – inside and out.

    Not being sure if it’s what you desire.

    This one, I think, is the easiest to cover. Almost every single submissive I have ever spoken with has agreed that it’s not something that we do, or just want. It’s part of who we are. It doesn’t go away. The desire to please is often strong in us, especially once we realize it is there.  Does it mean that we are submissive in all aspects of our lives? Of course not, there are many submissive’s that are fully dominant in other areas such as parenting, work, or other vanilla areas in life.

    The biggest thing I tell those new to the lifestyle who have came to me has been this – stop worrying about what is right for everyone else, and take a look into yourself. Is this who you are? Do you have that desire to please? Are you eager to hear words of approval and satisfaction? From serving Him/Her coffee in a way that pleases Them, to greeting Them at the foot of the bed or by the front door at the end of the day. It’s there inside of you. Sometimes, you just need to stop worrying about what comes after, and acknowledge that it is in fact there, and a part of who you are.

    Being unsure of what to do, or what will be expected of you.

    Is He/She really going to want me to do this or that….? Is He/She really going to throw me over a stool and spank me pink?! Will I have to kneel on, ack, Legos?! Well, maybe. But, remember, there are limits in everything. And here is where you can be at ease and know, if you do not already, that all respectful Dominants respect Hard and Soft limits, even in punishment.

    They will also follow things like, Safe Sane and Consensual, or RACK.

    • SSC:  Safe: attempts should be made to identify and prevent risks to health

    Sane: activities should be undertaken in a sane and sensible frame of mind

    Consensual: all activities should involve the full consent of all parties involved.

    • RACK: Risk-aware: Both or all partners are well-informed of the risks involved in the proposed activity.

    Consensual: In light of those risks, both or all partners have, of sound mind, offered preliminary consent to engage in said activity.

    Kink: Said activity can be classified as alternative sex.

    One of the many things to enjoy in being a submissive, is learning and trying new things. And with the right Dominant, you will hopefully find someone who will know when to help you push your limits, if you want them pushed. Nothing is more important than FULL honesty, and FULL communication. It also means establishing trust.  Your Dominant, would and should expect full honesty in all things; not to be some nosy bossy type, but to keep you safe. Mentally and physically.

    Worries of losing who you are.

    One of the biggest things I have found in myself since I started embracing my submissiveness and living this way 24/7, is that I haven’t lost any parts of me. Instead, I have gained. It set me free from things deep within myself that are hard to even put into words. I don’t feel I have lost the power over myself, but that I have gained it. I think you’ll find many who agree on this, for it’s a common self-realization many of us seem to have. It’s hard to explain, but trust me on this – if you find that this is the path for you, and can work through these very normal, initial feelings – you will get it. For me, when I hit that point, it was as if a huge light bulb went on over my head.

    I understood where I belonged, finally. I understood my deepest desires, and that me being submissive wasn’t something to learn, but rather something to embrace. It goes beyond any physical act or lessons that we can be taught. It’s there, deep inside of you, and once you recognize that it’s there.. you can, without a doubt be cut out to be a submissive. Trust your feelings, trust who you are, and then get ready for the ride of your life. It’s truly one of the most fulfilling and satisfying things you will ever do, if it is indeed your path. After that, the rest will come. Sore bottoms, Lego kneeling and all.

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  • How To Spank Your Wife

    How To Spank Your Wife

    Hi, DH here! I told Julia I had an idea for a blog post about how to give a spanking, and she asked me to actually write it! What follows is my best attempt.

    My beautiful wife and I have been practicing ttwd for the better part of a year now. Our understanding of what ‘that thing we do’ means has changed dramatically over time. In the beginning, it was just me spanking her, usually after she asked for it repeatedly, and then finding out that the spanking wasn’t long enough afterward. Things have since changed. Just a couple of days ago, I felt myself starting to melt down under the stress of working at home with a flaky VPN connection, getting ready to leave early to see my oldest daughter safely on campus, and some critical tasks at work that were hanging over my head.  I turned to Julia and told her I felt like I was ‘jumping the rails.’

    Julia: You’re not jumping the rails, though.
    Me: I know, but I am so frustrated!  Nothing is working!
    Julia: I understand. What do you want to do?
    Me: I … I want to give you a spanking!
    Julia: OK. You are the head of the house.  Why don’t you?
    Me:  Yeah, that’s right!  Why don’t I?

    I bent her over our bed right there and started spanking her as hard as I could though her jeans. She started whimpering right away—I really let her have it. After about 20 swats, my hand hurt so badly I had to switch sides, and then started spanking her just as hard with my other hand. With every muffled swat, I could feel my rational mind returning. Even before we were done, I had figured out a plan for solving my problems. That spanking made the difference between having a horrible, frustrating, failure of a day, and what it actually was: one of our best days ever.

    The person who really benefited the most from the spanking?  Me.

    We’ve both experimented. Julia used to make me work a little to get her to submit to a spanking, but noticed that I respond better when she offers her submission instead. This has changed the dynamic between us and strengthened our trust. We’ve experimented with rules, but I give her a spanking at least once a week, no matter what. I am constantly asking her how she feels and I read her blog to find out what her perceptions are after a spanking. I’ve learned a lot that way!

    To be honest, Julia started us on this journey. She read about it on TakenInHand and thought it would be a good direction for us. She was basically wearing the pants in our relationship at that time and was really tired of doing all of the heavy lifting. Looking back, I believe that many men have been unmanned by the feminism movement, to the point of disengaging with relationships because we just don’t understand what women WANT anymore. In my case, I’d also lost my job during the recession and my confidence as well. When she started pointing me at TakenInHand’s articles after we had the ‘spanking talk’, I started to realize the potential implications if we tried this in our marriage: what if one of us decided we didn’t want to anymore? What if I actually hurt her and she didn’t trust me anymore? What if I could never ‘do it right?’

    What if trying ttwd ruined our marriage?

    But I liked it. She liked it. I’m unbalancing my laptop on my lap just typing about it. We talked about various scenarios,about how we would talk about how we felt at each step along the way.  I promised her that if we tried it, I would always go slowly, no matter what. We realized an essential, permanent truth: once we started on this path, we wouldn’t be going back.

    So this is my little guide for seekers of information about giving your wife a spanking. While I’m writing this with the first-time spanking couple in mind, I also hope that most of these steps apply to every spanking.

    1. Take her in hand.  When it’s time for a spanking, gently take her by the hand and lead her to your spanking place. Tell her it’s time for a spanking to help her get ready. Be firm, but friendly. Strong, but kind. Patient, but absolutely unwilling to back down once you establish that this event, this spanking is on. I tell Julia to go get ready for her spanking, which can mean a particular pair of panties, or sometimes her whole outfit. I tell her to get a particular implement and put it within easy reach. I like to have her wait for me by standing by our bed so that she has time to think about the spanking coming up.
    2. Discuss safety.  Let her have a ‘safe’ word, or some other way to tell you to stop for real if she’s having a serious problem. Like everything else I’ve experienced in ttwd, the safety talk works for you AND her: it reminds you that her safety is important, and that you have her trust to keep her safe.
    3. Go slowly, always. Agree with her that it’s OK to have a light spanking that doesn’t do much, especially when trying a new implement. Most guys aren’t born knowing how to spank, so my advice is to freely admit that you don’t know what you’re doing right away, and try to set expectations accordingly. Our first spanking was nothing more than some light slaps on her ass that really didn’t amount to much. I take the same approach with each new implement we try. The truth is that I don’t want to hurt her, and at the same time, I want to find out where her limit is for the spanking. The only way to do that is to take a slow approach and give yourself plenty of time DURING the spanking to figure it out. There’s nothing wrong with stopping and just caressing her with your hand (or the implement you happen to be using at the time) until you start up again.
    4. Talk to her while you’re spanking.  I love to lecture Julia about why I’m spanking her, even if she’s not in trouble. I tell her about how much more confident I am at work, or how much I love the shape of her ass as I’m spanking it. I tell her when I’m switching implements so she has time to get ready for the feel of the paddle when I bring it out. Sometimes, I have her count the swats when I’m spanking her hard across both cheeks. On a few occasions, it’s been necessary for me to lecture Julia about rules she’s broken, which is the only time I will require her to answer me during a spanking.
    5. Always (always!) follow through. Until recently, I have been really bad with this. Julia has been very frustrated on more than one occasion where I promised her a spanking earlier in the day, and then failed to deliver. Not cool! For us, I think the best method is not saying anything about an upcoming spanking until I tell her to get ready for it. I can’t always guarantee that I’ll have enough energy at the end of the day to make good on a promise I made in the younger, fresher part of the day.
    6. Don’t spank angry.  Or, don’t spank her angrily. Even if she’s broken a critical rule (one of ours is that Julia may not leave the house without her phone), I am committed to letting the spanking do the work of correction for both of us, without needing to yell at her or punish her in some other way. The spanking itself is the way we hold each other accountable.
    7. Dominate her.  I used to make the mistake of asking Julia if she wanted a spanking. Looking back, it seems silly, almost like me asking her if I could go to the bathroom. It’s not her decision! If there’s going to be a spanking, I’m going to be the one giving it out, and I’ll be deciding how, when, and where. I will gently lead her to the time, place, and method, and administer the spanking. In one of our recent spankings, I had her turn around and bend over to show me her thong.  I let her stand there, bent over, so I could enjoy the view, while I lightly played with her ass.
    8. Warm her up, and cool her down.  This is really a style issue, but it could be useful for beginners. My spankings are typically 3 parts: warm up, which I perform with my hand over her panties, and then on her bare skin. When her ass is glowing red, I switch to an implement (like our favorite leather paddle), and spank her with that. I like to vary the tempo to keep her guessing about when the next strike will come, and also give her a little time to recover.  I finish every spanking with my hand again, which is the ‘cool down’ phase.
    9. Express your love for her after the spanking.  We usually end up making love after a spanking, which lets me continue dominating her. She’s been able to have multiple orgasms after we started ttwd, and I think the spanking heightens her sexual experience. I always hold her and make sure she knows I love her after spanking her.
    10. Listen and learn.  Listen to what she says during a spanking, and after. Let her give feedback on the implements you use, but make the final decisions on what you actually use 😉 Let her speak ‘out of character’ once in a while so you can have a frank discussion about where you really are. Julia and I love this part of our relationship, where we can step out these roles and talk about what we’re doing.  After all, we chose to pursue this lifestyle.

    What do you think?  What other things should be on this list?  How does a man successfully spank his wife?

    This article and all associated images within the article have been republished with permission from Julia.
    Please visit her website to view the original post and more.

    Also, check out Brad the Cam Site guys list of the best couples cams! Lots of wife spanking lessons there in real-time.

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  • Cuckold Honeymoon Plans – A letter to my husband

    Cuckold Honeymoon Plans – A letter to my husband

    A letter to my soon to be cuckold husband regarding our forthcoming wedding.
    Cocky,
    To prepare for our honeymoon, you will be expected to make the arrangements. You will book us for a hotel suite, you know, where we occupy 2 rooms, and there is a door connecting the 2 rooms inside. You will need to book this kind of room so that I can continue cuckolding you when I like throughout our honeymoon. You will buy a box of condoms, the XL ones, and place it in my fuck room. I won’t have you stock the room with beverages, as I will just have you bring them as needed. It’s better if you do it while my lover is visiting, it makes things harder for you, and I like making things hard.

    Our honeymoon will last for 3–6 nights, depending on how many times I can have how many lovers visit me, which is something I will work out for myself, however, you will receive many updates as news comes in.  I will excitedly share with you when I add a lover for the occasion, not only to humiliate you Cocky, I mean really, you will have to be informed of this so you know approximately how many condoms to have handy, how many beverages, and what type. You wouldn’t want your guests to go without while they are here to please your wife while you wait and listen.
    Yes, your duties are many and it is sometimes a lot sometimes to keep track of. Sure, you suffer a bit throughout, as you must witness your wife getting well fucked by others. Sure, you have to clean up the mess after the party and your tongue abused by me in more ways than one. It’s all in the name of love, as cheesy as it is to say that. You are rewarded with my love and attention.  You should look forward to the honor of cleaning up after such a skilled man, who pleased your wife endlessly.
    Tom will also be invited to my honeymoon fuck room. I would tell him to assume 2 rounds and more if we desire and are able.  Assuming he could visit 2 times and fuck come into my cunt 2 times, that’s 4 condoms full of manly, superior sperm for you to deal with. I know that’s a lot, but you should feel lucky I’m so picky and can’t have 4 suitable lovers, one for each night.  You do the math, that’s a lot of wedding gifts.
    Your loving soon to be bride,
    Vanessa

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  • Why my husband gets excited watching me have sex with other men

    Why my husband gets excited watching me have sex with other men

    I can’t speak for all men or husbands because I honestly don’t know what goes through all men’s minds or if they think the same. I can only speak for my hubby, and for the men who send me messages when they see my pictures online.

    From my hubby’s point-of-view, it’s the fact that he’s married to a woman who other men desire and want to fuck, but who despite having all these other men who she’s had sex with, is still married to her hubby. That actually sounds awful when I read it back, it makes me sound like the local whore … ‘all these other men’, but you know what I mean. It may seem strange to a lot of people reading this, who for one reason or another don’t understand this ‘lifestyle’, or who just think it’s deviant or wrong. But you can’t willingly go into this unless you have a strong marriage to begin with. You seriously can’t.

    Because at the end of the day, despite who I’ve been sleeping with, and how big his cock is, or how good the sex is, I still go back home to hubby because the difference is, as I’ve said previously, for me, this lifestyle is purely a physical thing. It’s not about love, it’s just an act of sex. I truly love my hubby and I know he loves me too. I know that at the end of the day, that’s still going to be the case, and that it’s not going to change.

    When i think about it now, i do wonder if maybe what we do is similar in some ways to when you see the extremely rich/powerful older man with the young and beautiful trophy wife on his arm? Maybe this is the ordinary, normal everyday working man’s definition of this?  Or is could just be as simple of a husband getting visually turned on by seeing another man fucking his wife, and seeing her getting used that way?

    Men are visually stimulated after all.

    I could keep guessing and theorizing all day, but at the end of the day still be no nearer the truth.  Would I like it if my hubby was sleeping around with other women? No, no i wouldn’t, not that, that’s something he’s ever shown interest in. So there’s another aspect to this lifestyle to take into consideration.  What I do know is, that I do get a lot of messages and emails from men saying, ‘I wish my wife was like you’ or, ‘You’re such a sexy slut, I wish I was married to you’. So I’m at a loss, am I really to explain it?

    Who knows, maybe the appeal for a man at seeing his wife have sex with another man, is something that’s been written into his genetic makeup. Maybe those scientists who did that genome mapping will one day discover a gene for it, i mean … there appears to be one for just about everything else, doesn’t there. Why not that as well?

    The cuckold gene? lol

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  • How Cuckolding strengthens my relationship

    How Cuckolding strengthens my relationship

    From an outsider’s perspective, we are the quintessential loving couple. We laugh at each other’s jokes—real laughing, not an obliged sympathetic chuckle. We travel together without fighting—even when exhausted and delayed. We throw amazing dinner parties, always have time to kiss and after two years, still look forward to seeing each other. By all accounts, we are pretty damn adorable. Yet, we have a secret. A secret that more often than not ends a relationship. A secret that may lead to years of struggle if a couple even decides to work through it.

    I cheated on my boyfriend. I cheated and he knows it … but it’s okay.

    Contrary to the norm, my acts of indiscretion have actually brought us closer together, and not in the sense that ‘we worked through it and are stronger now.’ Rather, my trysts were planned with the open knowledge of my boyfriend, even performed in his presence. “Cuckolding”, as it is termed, rather than destroying intimacy and trust, has fortified these very qualities within our relationship. The amount of trust and emotional closeness required to even have a conversation about cuckolding is staggeringly beyond what many couples experience in a relationship’s lifetime. Finding the words and courage to say that you want to have sex with someone else (or that you want your partner to) and not destroy the relationship is testimony to the bond shared by cuckolding couples.

    This has been my experience, as I have a deep sense of security within my relationship. I have already committed what some consider to be the ultimate relationship sin, what shatters it beyond repair, more than once. When married or those in a committed relationship discover their partner has shared sexual relations with someone else, the effects can be devastating.

    The terms and euphemisms associated with adultery appropriately describe the negative effects of non-monogamy, i.e. “cheating”, “sneaking around”, “unfaithful”. Notice that these terms amplify the aspect of the deceit that often accompanies adultery. It is noted that most who have been “the cheated on” confess that, more than the knowledge of the sexual acts committed, the lying was more hurtful and damaging to the relationship. This is further proven by the common issue among couples who stay together after adultery, as one partner admits to no longer being able to trust. This is astoundingly, the reason for further problems in the relationship.

    In contrast, our sexual honesty and openness have brought us closer together. I know he loves me because he accepts me. I do not feel the need to conceal part of myself because I am ashamed of my fantasies. I feel free. He trusts me as I have been open about my desires and he knows that even when I have relations with another man, it only intensifies our love and connection. He is a part of the process, it is an act that we share, and that we both find arousing.

    For example, we elevate the act of cuckolding by ritualizing. My boyfriend assists me in getting ready, such as shopping for new lingerie or getting my hair done. He draws my bath, pours my wine, selects my choices of wardrobe. The sensuality is palpable as he straightens my stocking lines and attaches them to my garters. Every step is deliberate, slow, completely lascivious—and shared. It is within the membrane of these before and after moments that intimacy is nurtured. Cuckolding is far more than sex. It encompasses freedom and openness that can ultimately be expressed by sex. When reflecting upon our experiences, I feel powerful and in control, both of my sexuality as a woman and my freedom of life. This freedom and power is the superlative aphrodisiac for both of us, more so than any physical aspect.

    Understanding that arousal of power has led me to incorporate certain facets of cuckolding fantasy into my repertoire as a dominatrix. Some of my clients envy the open relationship my boyfriend and I enjoy, craving our experience yet terrified to broach the subject with their partners. Others have discussed their fantasies only to be rejected or scorned. Indeed, cuckolding is not for everyone. However, it is for us and we are thankful to have found each other.

    Yes, we will continue throwing those parties, laughing and living, all the while a little a flutter inside knowing that we, as a couple, have a sexy and kinky little secret. Now that’s romantic.

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