Tag: kink

  • Sexy Reads – A Rough Ride

    Sexy Reads – A Rough Ride

    When Marianna tried the dress on in front of her full-length, floor to ceiling art deco mirror, the dress wasn’t quite as opaque as she’d feared. It clung to her body like a second skin, with a tenacity that surprised her, and covered up all of the important parts. That was, until she made a move. Then the diamonds quivered, stretched, sparkled and revealed naughty glimpses of skin as they pulled this way and that. As it shifted around her, the dress became a walking advert for indecency. Twisting this way and that at the mirror, she caught a flash of nipple, watched the curve of her breast as it moved softly against the material and if she moved her legs, well, that was another story. Standing with her legs shoulder width apart, the mound of her sex was clearly revealed beneath the delicate triangles. Turning around to view the back, she could see the outline of her toned backside and, if the material was stretched further, the valley between her ass cheeks was clearly revealed. It felt sinfully invigorating. Taking a few practice steps around her bedroom, she smiled as the tiny threads of rope rubbed against her nipples, breasts and sex, and she found that the faster she walked, the more exquisite the sensation. As she moved, the dress slithered in tiny, stimulating whispers all around her body. It would make her acutely aware of her nakedness with every step she took, which was the idea she guessed. Mark Matthews was indeed a master tormentor. No foreplay would be necessary with an outfit such as this, if foreplay had been necessary – which it wasn’t.

    When Marianna waltzed back into the lounge, poised and almost regal in stature, Mark felt his breath catch in his throat. The personal shopping assistant, who advised him on all of his purchases from Harrods, had really outdone herself on this occasion. The dress was scandalous, outrageous and damn near perfect to his mind. Each tiny flash of generously tanned flesh served to titillate his senses and the outfit managed to accentuate all of her ample charms, if that were possible. It was a beautiful frame for a near perfect body. He would never tell her that, of course. He needed to keep this one on her toes.

    1

    “Not bad, Miss Morreau,” he drawled, cocking his head to one side as he appraised every inch of flesh from top to bottom. “You have made one small error, however. I wonder if you can tell me what it is?”

    Marianna’s face took on the appearance of a little girl for a minute, lost and confused. It took her a moment before she remembered where she was and who she was with. Her eyes flared in understanding before she let out a strangled sob. Getting down to her hands and knees once more, she whispered, “I’m sorry, Sir. Please forgive me.” Mark clucked his tongue. She was giving him the ‘lost puppy’ look and it was all he could do to stop from smiling.

    “So many indiscretions this evening, Miss Morreau. We really must start addressing them.” He appeared to consider the matter, while his eyes were devouring the way her breasts wobbled slightly as her breathing quickened. His naughty little girl was aroused, so much the better. “Hmm. I have just the thing. How about we go out for a drink? I know a lovely place in the center of London. Fancy a gin and tonic, my dear?”

    He stifled another laugh as her face dropped. He wondered if she would ask the question or whether he would just give her ‘the look’ and stifle it in its tracks. He decided that would be a little mean, so he waited expectantly. Marianna’s mouth opened and closed several times and she looked not unlike a goldfish gasping for air. She even got to the point where she raised her finger in the air anxiously and Mark gave her an encouraging smile. “Something on your mind, Marianna?” Her mouth snapped shut. Damn the woman, she was spoiling all his fun. She’d obviously figured out his game. What she didn’t know was that they would have been going out had she been a good girl or not. He wanted to see how she would handle the idea of going out in public not only nearly naked, but with a dress that would slay the average male mortal at ten paces. It was going to be an entertaining evening.

    “Before we go, Marianna, I feel that certain aspects of your behavior need to be addressed. So you may place yourself over my knee, hands on the armrest of the sofa. I think we should make that backside take on a pleasant, cherry-red hue before we let the general public lay their eyes on it. What say you, sweetness?”

    Marianna had still not come to terms with the fact that she was about to display all of her most intimate charms to any member of the public who might care to look at them, so it took a moment before her eyes connected with his. Her pupils had dilated dramatically and she was running scared. It wouldn’t do her any harm.

    “Now, Marianna. I am not a patient man.”

    2

    His sharp tone had her rushing to obey. She laid her slight body over his thighs and he felt his trousers crumple as she moved forward. It was probably a good thing. He’d need to look a bit rumpled if he wanted to fit in at the bar they were going to tonight. Splaying her body forward, her cheek rested on the arm of her sofa, tilted to the left and she draped both of her arms either side of her head. He let her rest there for a moment in contemplative silence. Anticipation was the mother of desire, and he would see to it that she had more than her fair share of the fickle creature. She began squirming before he had laid even a single finger upon her. He let her wriggle. It served to arouse him as well. He watched the little, glistening diamonds as they danced sinuously upon her body. His hand itched to slam into her flesh, but he waited patiently. There was a time and place for everything and he valued every last little aspect of control. Another twist of her groin, grinding into his pants made him catch his breath, but still he waited. When she finally cried out, a muffled little gasp of arousal that she could no longer keep inside her, he took pity upon her and slowly slid the pathetic wisps of silk covering her ass cheeks up towards her waist. Her sharp intake of breath was delightful. He could hear her fingernails digging into the soft suede of the sofa and her heels scrape against the carpet. Yes, she was ready for a little pain he thought. She had certainly earned it.

    Letting his fingers slide over the soft mounds of her buttocks, he felt the taut muscle there. It was no surprise she was a little apprehensive but he wondered if she would be wet and ready for him. His fingers walked a path down her butt cheeks. Hearing Marianna moan at even that light pressure, he was pretty much assured of the outcome of his exploration, and when his fingers reached the base of her sex they almost skidded. She was drenched. Perhaps it was a good thing that there wouldn’t be much dress to soak. Plunging two fingers forth into her core, he watched as her back strung itself tight as a bow and her hips bucked against him.

    He whispered, “You’re ready for my hand, aren’t you Marianna?” There was no immediate response. To make his point clear, his hand grasped an ass cheek with a fearsome grip and squeezed. She gave out a high pitched yelp and whimpered, “Yes, Sir.” Well, that was a bit more like it. He raised his hand in the air, palm facing down and unleashed himself.

    The first few smacks were a gentle warm-up both for Marianna’s backside and for his hand. He needed to get a good pattern and rhythm going. The idea was to slowly build up the heat so that each spank was a little bit harder than the last. At the end of this session both his hand and her backside would be sore, but there was no question that she would have the worst end of the deal. To give her credit, she settled into the spanking after the shock of the first two slaps had left her and then raised her buttocks to welcome each new slap as she had been taught. She didn’t move her hands or her head, and she kept her dazzling green eyes wide open even though she couldn’t look at him with them.

    Alternating from side to side, he admired the twin peaks of firm flesh and the first spots of colour that had just started to encourage her ass to blush rather beautifully. It would take a good few minutes to develop something half-decent and long lasting, but he was on the right path. Each slap saw a slight quiver as the orbs tried desperately to recover themselves before his hand descended again with another fresh attack.

    “I’ve been thinking about your punishment for this evening’s ‘panty’ debacle. As you have already realised, parading you around central London in that dress will be a part of it. It should help you lose that innate sense of propriety that you seem so keen to hold on to. You need to learn that when I lay down the law, I mean for my instructions to be obeyed immediately and without question. Failure to do so will result in penalties. These may be moderate to severe, depending on my choice, but I shall make sure that the lesson has been learned.” As his hand continued to fall, he increased the strength of the stroke. She whimpered in protest, but there was still little movement on her part. “You will be pleased to know that I am going to allow you the privilege of wearing panties to work.” He did not miss the puzzled frown that graced her face. She had every right to be confused but he intended to clear up her misunderstanding quickly. “When you arrive at the office, however, you will bend over and push your panties down so that they rest around your ankles. That way, I will be assured that you are not wearing underwear while you are working under my roof.” Marianna’s jaw dropped in horror and he knew it had nothing to do with the effects of his spanking, even though her backside had just begun to wiggle in the most charming fashion. “You may speak.”

    Marianna did the goldfish thing again. He hadn’t slowed the pace of his spanking, so it was going to be a little hard for her to concentrate, but she’d get there in the end. Women were renowned for their multi-tasking skills he’d heard.

    “Isn’t there some…” a rather loud squeak ensued as a particularly hard whack cracked down, “health and safety law against that?” Her words tripped over one another in a breathless manner and her squirming increased. He could feel his cock harden painfully as he watched her body undulate backwards and forwards.

    “Against what?” He raised an eyebrow out of habit, but was aware she couldn’t see it.

    “Against try-ing,” another squeak, “to walk,” a yelp of pain, “in-high-heels-with-your-panties-around- your-ankles!”

    “It’s a good job I speak gibberish, Miss Morreau. No, the only laws in my office are those which I set and you will ensure that you walk slowly and carefully within the confines of my office, so as not to injure yourself. If you manage to injure yourself through your own stupidity, you will, of course, be punished.” Slap, slap, slap. The metronome beat of his hand was building in tempo. She had to wait a full minute before she could summon a weak, if faintly sarcastic response to his dictate.

    “Obviously.” That was the last thing she said for quite some time.


    Purchase A Rough Ride at the following links:

    Amazon: myBook.to/ARR
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    Images courtesy of Christina Mandara

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  • Interview with Chloe Blaque

    Interview with Chloe Blaque

    New York author, Chloe Blaque, writes non-fiction culture pieces under a different name by day and contemporary erotic romance by night. She populates her novels with smart, career-driven heroines while her heroes are successful playboys who find romance in the most unexpected places. Sparks fly when they crash into love all over the world.

    Chloe’s first erotic romance, Survival of the Fiercest, is a multicultural romance set in Chloe’s New York hometown. She followed it with Doing London, a smart, contemporary story that follows the exploits of Joey Vasquez. Joey is the former porn star, Josie Pink who has abandoned her X-rated L.A. lifestyle.  Her new life has her selling goods on Great Britain’s answer to the Home Shopping Network, QTV.  Joey has left the world of whips and chains and lives by two rules: stay out of trouble and don’t bed celebrities. Her personal edicts fly out window when she meets Italian soccer star, Marco Verazi, the perfect alpha, rich, powerful, sexual, yet loving and emotionally available. Marco throws a monkey wrench into Joey’s carefully constructed world of all work and no play and the fun begins.

    Doing London contains elements sadly missing in many contemporary romances, contemporary humor combined with generous doses of social satire. In this era of 24-hour celebrity scrutiny, reality television, the Kardashians, and on-line pornography, Doing London is a spot-on examination of the human consequences of the TMZ, celebrity-driven world. Ms. Blaque does it with sophistication, charm, and skilled writing. “Slut shaming,” sexual psychosis (although the author doesn’t shy away from the darker aspects of Joey’s lurid past), and quaking virgins are thankfully absent from Doing London. The reader is left with a delightful take on our modern obsession with celebrity culture done with great style, verve, and refreshing insight.

    Q: “Chloe Blaque” is your erotica nom de plume. You write non-fiction under another name and have authored pieces for a number of prestigious publications. What attracted you to erotic romance in the first place?

    A:  Well, I’ve been reading romance since I was 10 years old. A friend stole Wifey by Judy Blume from her mother and slipped it to me during class. It’s about a woman who is unsatisfied in her marriage. It’s not considered a romance novel, but there are relationship tensions and sexual situations.  I couldn’t put it down.  When I was finished with it, I went right to the public library of my small town and found myself in the romance section once a week. Historicals were my favorite back then.  As an adult, I started my writing journey in non-fiction and penned a memoir. It was rejected over and over again and it was a dark period where I questioned being a writer at all. I needed to step away from non-fiction and write something for me. So I turned to what I loved, romance.

    Q: Did the success of Fifty Shades of Grey have a role in your writing an erotic romance?

    A: No. I was already working on my first novel when Fifty Shades became popular. I don’t think anyone had any idea what that book would do to the industry.  Although I thank E.L. James for bringing the romance genre more mainstream-where prior I feel the genre was treated as a secret guilty pleasure-the buzz actually made shopping my novel around to editors a little tougher. Everyone was suddenly into BDSM, virgins, and billionaires while I was penning career driven grown women who were unlucky in love until they met their equal. I got published in the end, but I was nervous for a minute.

    Q: Erotic romance has often been a world of timid virgins or sexually exploited neurotics.  Why Josie?

    A: Well, as a contemporary writer I like to keep the themes of my novels up to date and we don’t live in a world of timid virgins anymore. Today women own their sexuality and refuse to be slut shamed for it. We like sex. Sex is no longer a mystery or a secret.  Due to the health risks, sex is something we prepare our teenagers for with condoms, dental dams, HPV vaccines, etc…it’s like getting ready for war.  You have to be informed.  Josie is the ultimate sexually active single woman. She buys her own condoms, has a closet of her own toys, and gets tested once a month—which is habit from her years as a porn star. The same can be said for any single women in the dating pool today.

    Q: You didn’t leave out the negative aspects of the adult film industry. You must have learned a great deal while doing your research, yet your protagonist remains psychologically healthy despite the abuse of her checkered sexual past. Can you address that?

    A: I did a ton of research, so this answer might be long. There is a misconception that anyone who want’s to be in porn has a psychological problem, or had been abused, etc.  A lot of my inspiration for Josie’s character came from both Lorelei Lee and Jenna Jameson.  Lorelei Lee holds an MFA from NYU, is a writer, and is fluent in four languages. Lee co-wrote the screenplay for About Cherry, a film based on her life about a young girl who becomes a webcam actress and she stars in a documentary called Public Sex, Private Lives.  She is truly likeable and her accomplishments give her a healthy dose of self-esteem.  Then there is Jenna. I read her memoir How to Make Love Like A Porn Star when it came out in 2004 and just fell in love with her strength. She told it all, from her rape as a young girl to being a stripper to becoming the Queen of Porn. She is a survivor with a “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” mentality. That drive compelled Jenna to be a celebrity in her own right.  I composited these aspects for Josie because I needed her to be strong enough to not only leave her controlling boyfriend but also the industry.
    Jenna
    Most of that story line is actually in Survival of the Fiercest because Josie is a catalyst of trouble as she is just leaving her abusive relationship with her ex-boyfriend rapper Big Skinny.  Meanwhile, people always ask me who the inspiration was for Big Skinny. Snoop Dogg, of course! Remember Doggystyle? Snoop put that adult video out in early 2000 and it was actually on the music video charts for a minute.
    doggystyle
    Which brings me to the state of the industry itself.  Although there is still a stigma and a morality issue that is attached to porn and people in porn, we began to see porn stars in rock music videos in the early 90’s, Jenna started her own entertainment company Club Jenna in 2000, and in 2007 Kim Kardashian’s sex tape came out with Vivid Entertainment.  It’s not the drug induced misfit industry that it used to be in the 70’s. The line between mainstream celebrity and pornography has become blurred. Today you can’t count how many celebrities have sex tapes out. Kim Kardasian made her name from a widely distributed sex tape. No judgments, but she is technically a porn star. Actually, one could argue that you’d have to be crazier to be on a reality show than in porn.

    Q: What was involved in writing a novel about a star in the adult film industry? Can you talk to that?

    A: People probably think I watched a ton of porn. I watched some, but mostly I watched documentaries about making porn and about the lives of people in the industry. What you realize first is that porn is a business. When you see girls writhing and coming all the time, it’s a show. They are acting! The reality is that after work they change out of their latex, put on jeans, and go home to their couch.  I love this documentary called After Porn which shows former sex workers who left the industry and took on a new career path.  One woman became a bounty hunter!  I think I expected ex-sex workers to be a mess, but several have healthy relationships and reminisce fondly about their time in porn.  What was most interesting is seeing how porn has evolved from magazines, to video, to webcam, to now mobile phones.  Porn has lasted longer than some of our big financial institutions.

    Q: I loved the chapter when Joey meets a shy Brit and reverts back to Josie. It was an engaging scene and quite funny. Why did you add it?

    A:  I needed to show that Josie Pink is still learning how to be just Joey Vasquez.  That means people liking her for her, not her celebrity. It also means having a real relationship and having real sex with no cameras or a crew involved. And ultimately she fails.  The sex worker having a sex fail is a blow to the ego and a challenge that she works on throughout the book. Our hero is very helpful with that. 🙂

    Q: What was it like educating yourself about adult videos, sex toys and BDSM?

    A: In some cases, awesome. In others, shocking.  I attended a BDSM workshop that is specifically for writers. Learning about the relationships between doms and submissives was really cool. We were shown how to use the toys. A woman orgasmed in front of us during a violet wand demonstration. That was awkward.  But the “WTF” moments for me were when the painful stuff started happening.  A young woman submitted to dozens of acupuncture needles in her back and there was this guy called “The Gynecologist” with all these probes… I’ll leave it at that.  The workshop also treated us to a real BDSM club and this is where my inspiration for the dungeon came from.  There were back rooms with some live sexual things happening for all to watch. My favorite, which I put in the book, was the carpet guy. Carpet guy rolls himself in a carpet and places himself in front of the bar so you have to step on him to get a drink. He derives sexual pleasure from this. I watched people jump up and down on this guy and his face just twisted in pleasure. I mean, WTF.  What was really interesting was the community’s disdain for the BDSM depicted in Fifty Shades. Every instructor communicated their disappointment with Fifty because the book shows BDSM related to sexual deviancy and abuse. Plus true submissives almost never switch to doms and vice versa. So I made a note in Doing London to show that Josie was never truly into BDSM, but she has some beginner toys she likes to play with.
    violet wand
    Q: Adult videos and porn stars seem to be an endangered species due to on-line porn sites. In writing Doing London you spoke to people involved in that world. Where do they see it going in the future?

    A: Yeah, I have a male friend who used to be in some small time porn. The onslaught of free porn hurt the big businesses that had most of their stock in DVDs and full production films. It’s sad because the professionals are the ones who follow safety regulations. 90% of the free stuff looks like it was filmed in someone’s basement and a lot depicts violent behavior against women.  These sites are fueled by advertising and have no qualms posting almost anything. The money these days is in the webcam business, which is usually a subscription service and it’s relatively low cost. And mobile phone availability is a must.  There are still a few porn stars left, but the wide availability and saturation has made it harder to cultivate a fan base. Let’s be honest, porn is still a billion dollar industry, but more people have their hands in the pot and to survive you have to keep coming up with new ways to keep people hooked.

    Q: You wrote an engaging alpha-male hero, but I noticed you invested him with romance and gallantry, something missing from Joey’s other relationships.  In the world of Christian Grey and other Bryonic anti-heroes, what made you go in a lighter direction?

    A:  Josie needed a compliment in her hero. In my version, she is the Christian Grey who is drawn to a loving soul.  And again, I like to keep my stories updated and somewhat realistic. Men are emotional creatures these days. Blame it on Feminism, I guess.  As an Italian, Marco is very family oriented and was raised catholic, where Josie comes from a broken home and remembers religion only through memories of her late grandmother.  I like to think my hero and heroine learn from each other. Plus women still want gallantry and chivalry. Christian Grey treated Anastasia like a princess; I think that is really what women were attracted to.

    Q: Where do you see erotic romance and erotica going in the next few years?

    A:  It’s only going to increase and I see a lot of the influx from men.  Men were reading Fifty Shades to see what their girlfriends were so hyped about and they got a little hooked.  I also just read a statistic that said the M/M category is also being read by women.  So our ideas of audience are changing dramatically, which means there is more that is untapped.

    Q: I understand your next novel is set in Tokyo. Would you give the readers a sneak peek?

    A:  Well, its still a work in progress but I can tell you that two characters from Doing London will be experiencing the kinky side of the Tokyo sex scene. My research for this one has been insane. Like, my mind is blown by some of the sexy, and not so sexy, things that are happening in Japan for titillation purposes. Oh, and I’m going to address one other thing I found out about  the porn industry. For a ridiculous amount of money, you too can have sex with a porn star. You just have to know who to call.  I’m having an amazing time writing it. I can’t wait to finish and I can’t wait for you to read it!


    Image courtesy of Lee Rene
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  • The sugar mummy fetish

    The sugar mummy fetish

    What is financial domination and why would a man want to be financially dominated by a woman?
    This is one of the many possible reason for this unique fetish.

    A man turns his financial interests over to a woman for no other apparent reason than for her to spend it, humiliate him for doing it and she could in the end “possibly destroy him.”

    There are men that have this fetish, that are caught between needing it and at the same time knowing that it is destroying them, and possibly their family.

    “As a clinical sexologist, intimacy counselor, writer/researcher, the “fetish” of financial domination has intrigued me over the years. Helping my male patients to understand why they do it has lead me on my own path of research. Some of the men that I have helped are married, leaving their families in debt, exposing them to harm or in the end trying to take their own lives.

    What the ideal situation would be for a man with this fetish, because for most it does not go away:

    A woman who controls the man’s funds but has his safety in mind. She knows how much it will cost for him to live, eat, and how he feels she should spend the money, this takes the pressure off of him so he does not have to make any decisions for himself. She is in control so she may sense that there are times where he is slacking and wants to discipline him. She may take a privilege away from him or demand that he should be humiliated in some way that pleases her, which ultimately pleases him. It is at her discretion as to how she will control him through his funds. She may insist that he pay for her to have lavish meals for a week while he only eats foods to keep him healthy but with no taste or flavor. She may have him eat or drink out of a dog bowel or on occasion feed him dog food. She will also understand that in this punishment it will not hurt him or keep him from making money at work, in fact it may inspire him to do better. There is always a trust that she will not permanently hurt or harm him in an unspoken way, but a fear none the less that she may. At times it involves her buying sexy lingerie or expensive shoes, showing him what she has purchased and then telling him that it is for her to go out on a date with another man, humiliating him.

    The problem for most men who want to be financially dominated is seeking out the right person to dominate them, especially if they are married. As this woman would make sure to keep his family out of it or encourage him to leave his family, so as not to hurt them in the end.

    In many ways this man is looking for a form of love or unconditional love, “If I let you take complete control over me, you will take care of me” … there is a deeper psychological component that gets lost in this particular fetish or even to some a life style. A partnership of this nature can only be beneficial to both the woman and the man if there is a relationship that is based on respect, professionalism and responsibly of the woman, to keep him safe yet unsure at all times. It is her duty to take care of her man/pet, understand his nature and control him for her pleasure which becomes his pleasure, and this is usually not a sexual relationship, especially for her.

    In the truest form he becomes her pet, but one that she also grows to rely on (dependence) which ultimately is what I believe is at the core of this fetish or his idea of love. He is beneath her, below her, but he is hers, and her responsibility as well. She controls him and motivates him to do better in his work so she can spend more of his money and the dependence continues to grow.

    In many ways he is wanting a connection like that of a mother to a child, yet he feels he is not deserving of that deep connection so he must pay for it, and not only that his payment is not enough if he is not pleasing her correctly. He may seek punishment or humiliation for his actions (for some of the men that are married they are also seeking punishment for not being a good husband but at the same time resenting that they are married).

    For some men the punishment and humiliation also becomes sexual or is sexually arousing, the fear of what may happen stimulates the fight or flight response, and triggers arousal. In many of the men they need this form of arousal to get excited, aroused enough to get an erection and have an orgasm on their own, not asking of the woman to please them but asking her when he can please himself.

    This may seem a little Freudian, but understandability there is a very basic need for the parent child association, of course with a twist or two!

    “I suppose some men can say that they have had this experience in marriage, but in all jest the driving force behind this fetish is him not feeling worthy of being loved as her equal but as her pet…”


     This article has been republished with permission from Dr. Dawn Michael.


    Image courtesy of Shutterstock
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  • BDSM, the Chinese way

    BDSM, the Chinese way

    If you think you have seen it all when it comes to unusual erotica, one blog I just discovered could make you reconsider. Chinakunbang, subtitled ‘Chinese jail and bondage culture’ sure is different – at least to our western eyes. Born at the online intersection between historical heritage and uncomprehending emulation, this simple website is the window front of a virtual store selling BDSM erotica… as seen from China, where sexuality remains mostly an unspoken, mysterious topic.

    In accordance to local laws the daily sample pictures are strictly non-pornographic. They somehow remind of the fetish pictures from ‘50s America, when Bettie Page and her colleagues were very careful not to show too much skin and the titillation was in the little details of their costumes or expressions. They also betray very low production values: the dresses are shoddy and occasionally ill-fitting, lighting and composition are unheard of, the backgrounds remind of dirt-cheap school plays and the outdoor shots smell of clandestine, hit-and-run sessions. The subjects, however, are a mesmerizing bizarro-version of every kinky website you’ve ever seen.

    mj081212

    Western BDSM, you see, is the conflation of countless erotic iconographies through the centuries. There are elements of Christian martyrdom, of the writings of de Sade, of medieval punishments, the Inquisition, Nazi atrocities, high literature and pulp, popular movies, fashion, illustration, comics and classic art, porn, theatre, technology, music and much more – all ground up and processed through the interplay of many local cultures from liberal northern Europe to repressed south, from the Puritanical United States to the non-moralism of Japan. What we masturbate to on sites like Kink.com or House of Gord is the distillation of the strongest archetypes from all of these sources, mixed together in a constantly evolving blend.

    Most Chinese, however, never encountered any of this. The refined sexual culture of ancient Chinese nobility was based on an archaic conception of the female role and on a generally pre-technological view of the world. The Cultural Revolution destroyed all of it anyway and relegated sex to a purely reproductive purpose. Even recent generations grew up in a culturally insular country with little or no access to western erotica. Sexual education is lacking, and the “Internet great wall” of State censorship sure doesn’t allow the kind of easy access to porn we are all accustomed to.

    2

    In this context the idea of erotic power play naturally took a very different form from western BDSM. Browsing the blog you will notice in example that “bondage” is in fact just a couple of standard military punishment ties, with none of the fancy rope work of Japanese kinbaku, nor of American-style restraints. Incidentally, Chinese ties tend to be very dangerous as they often constrict vulnerable points including the neck.

    Talking about other practices, it is shocking to see that while Westerners have a vast vocabulary of sensual pain games, China takes the concept of “torture” very literally, replicating horrors like the infamous tiger bench and even mock executions like they were fashionable turn-ons. With badly applied lipstick “beatings” marks, but no less chilling for that.

    The other aspect I found amazing is also the most evident. Beside the many general, bland “fetish” shoots, three scenarios keep popping up again and again: military and Red Guard abuse of common people, contemporary police interrogations and imprisonments, and historical Imperial-age reenactments. While the photos are clearly staged and the actresses have an amusing habit of maintaining a very professional-looking “no inappropriate touching” attitude, you won’t find much consensual exploration depicted. In this country (and under their laws) doing kink for mutual pleasure is clearly not conceivable. Conversely, abuse of power and the thrashing of human rights are considered normal.

    3

    The helpful tags above every photo are equally fascinating. Probably to differentiate the site from illegal pornography they are very keen of pointing out that all the pictures are ‘cosplay’ or ‘recreeations’, but sometimes they manage to turn a banal photo into a nightmare. The bored girl in the picture above, in example, is explained to be just another victim of a common wartime mode of execution where people was simply left half-buried to die. Thanks for the note, buddy.

    I don’t think Chinakunbang will ever become my fap shop of choice, but as a cultural phenomenon, I find it incredibly interesting. Who knows what they think of ayzad.com in Beijing…


     

    This article has been republished with permission from Ayzad

    Please visit Ayzad’s website  to view the original post and more of Ayzad’s works.


    Photocredit: Chinakunbang.com
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  • Privacy or Shame: Are Americans as liberal as they think?

    Privacy or Shame: Are Americans as liberal as they think?

    My original post for this week was going to be about the psychological motivators and challenges of spanking, but something has happened that made me shift focus. For the past two months I’ve been trying to get my project, the Alter Ego Photo Project, off the ground. When I talk to people about it, I get a few nods and smiles, even the occasional, “Yea! That’s what we need.” But overall, the response has been silent. The Alter Ego Photo Project aims to inspire people to embrace their sexuality. I want people to celebrate sexual diversity because of the pleasures it creates, not just react to the pain that sexual misuse, that is to say sexual violation and abuse, brings.

    Where there is talk about rape, domestic violence, sex trafficking, or anything to do with negative sexual expressions, people listen and want to be involved. Rightfully so. Consensual Roughness, my organization, also wants to fight these injustices. We believe that by promoting healthy sexuality and demonstrating the way things should be done and discussed, we can reduce these sexual misuses. Admittedly, there is now a lot of buzz about sex in media that doesn’t deal exclusively with sexual harm. You can find any how-to sex tips you want on sites like Cosmo. You can find beautifully explicit infographics on Bitch Media. However, when a photo project aims to celebrate the most visceral part of our personalities in a way that reflects the normalcy of varied sexual preference, we get afraid. We don’t want our bosses to know we have sex with the same gender. We don’t want our friends to know we enjoy facial penetration. We don’t want to shout from the rooftops or merely whisper in the corners of the interwebs that we have a sexual personality that is different, vibrant, and unique.

    Is this love of privacy or is this shame? I’d argue it is a little of both. We love sex. We love giggling about the latest fling we had, our latest conquests. Our society discusses what kind of sex is OK and what’s perverse. We thirst for the delicious adventure that pure fucking gives us, however when we speak it aloud we usually use terms like love and commitment instead of respect and consent. The distinction equates sex with love and monogamy, but not necessarily respect between consenting individuals. This limits us because sex is sex and love is love. Sometimes they overlap. However, by not prioritizing consent and respect, this narrative disregards human decency in favor of obligation and duty. Because what about non-love non-commitment sex? What then? In those encounters, respect should be given and received, as should consent. Even within the pair bonds, where we can supposedly do whatever we want, we are ashamed to talk about our needs and wants despite being bounded to this person by fidelity. America is a place for sexual liberty. That is to say, the freedom to view sex in a virgin-slut paradigm when it’s not so black and white. Despite purporting sexual freedom, our culture focuses primarily on crude aspects of sexuality. The word “dick” falls off the American tongue more easily than the word “penis”; the latter evoking clinical disgust in many young minds. Unfortunately, our culture is steeped in sexual insecurity and sexual violence, starting with the first negative response to masturbation or the non-conversation about avian creatures and insects.

    The Alter Ego Photo Project looks to highlight our differences in order to elevate the vulgarity to ‘vulgarity minus the shame.’ We want to show that we’re all a little kinky and that our sexual health is an important part of our mental, emotional, physical, and relationship health. We all like what we like. As long as it’s consensual, why not explore?


    Image courtesy of Shutterstock
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  • Different male milking techniques for more control

    Different male milking techniques for more control

    With male chastity becoming ever more popular either as a lifestyle or occasional kink, prostate milking of males is also ever-increasingly referred to, discussed and probably practised. Often in chastity circles, people just talk about milking the prostate without considering how to carry out the procedure to gain the desired effect. If you’re currently milking your chaste male, the chances are that he’s probably getting a lot more pleasure from milking than you think.I’ll leave the debate about whether it is actually necessary to milk a chaste male to other forums and concentrate instead on how you can increase and decrease the amount of pleasure he will experience from it. After all, even if it is not necessary to drain the prostate regularly, the procedure still gives benefits to both the male and his keyholder.

    If you aren’t familiar with the basic technique and principles of prostate milking, do a quick Google Search now and read one of the many available guides to acquaint yourself with the male anatomy involved and safety precautions. I have written this guide from personal experience to give keyholders, an insight into how it’s possible to vary the pleasure levels from a shakingly earth-shattering orgasm which will probably be the most intense he will experience, to a hugely frustrating anti-climax without any orgasmic contractions and almost no pleasure at all for the male in question. I guess the latter is the kind that keyholders will be most interested in and of course my apologies to those poor men who are currently enjoying their milkings and are about to submit to an even greater depth of control by their keyholders. It is actually quite an art to give a pleasureless milking which is why I’m fairly sure that the chances are that your male is currently enjoying an orgasm every time you milk him.

    First off, it’s almost impossible to milk a man’s prostate without him getting *some* pleasure from the pressure on the prostate. Particularly cruel mistresses advocate the use of an ice pack or chilli to reduce/remove this pleasure. I haven’t experienced either so I can’t comment.  However, when my prostate is being gently massaged, I can feel sensations right to the end of my penis, it’s a delicious feeling but is somehow an empty pleasure which only feels truly satisfying when it’s accompanied by stimulation of the head of the penis and/or testicles. The beauty of prostate milking is that even though it’s a pleasurable feeling for the male who is being milked, if done carefully you can leave it just as an empty pleasure which leaves the male wanting more but unable to get satisfaction because he hasn’t got any prostate fluid left and therefore is unable to orgasm.

    I’ll give you a guide on three main different types of milking experience:

    1. Maximum Pleasure
    2. Ruined Orgasm Milking
    3. Minimum Pleasure

    The lines between each are of course blurred so infinite variation is possible once you know what you’re doing.

    I’m writing this from personal experience—I’m regularly milked for pleasure and tease/denial by my partner and through trial and error (and with my help!) she has learnt a lot of the subtleties to be able to vary my pleasure levels according to her whim. I love it. Please bear in mind that these are my own observations and there might be some variation between different males but the principles are probably true for all. The biggest variation I suspect will be between those who have been circumcised and those (like me) who have not.

    There are two main objects you can use to milk a man—either your fingers or with a purpose-built prostate massager like the Aneros. If you’re looking to follow the instructions below, I’d advise you to purchase some Nitrile gloves and lube and use one or two fingers so that you can feel what the stimulation is doing to your subject’s prostate and surrounding area. You will feel things begin to contract the closer he gets to orgasm. Once you have learnt the signs and no longer have to rely on internal feel, you can then probably use a prostate massager to get the same effect.

    There are also two main ways that you can position your man: on his back, or in a kneeling position. The key thing is that you make sure that you are in complete control of his penis—you don’t want it to be able to touch anything because if you control the amount of stimulation here, you control his pleasure levels. Some kind of restraint to hold the arms and hands well out of the way is also probably a good idea, I can heartily recommend a pair of leather mitts from Top to Bottom Leathers: very comfortable and highly effective. Generally, my partner and I prefer the kneeling position with my legs apart and a stack of four pillows supporting my chest. My arms are fastened behind me and I’m usually blindfolded, occasionally gagged. She can then sit between my legs and has full access to all the parts of me that she needs. This works best because with me in this position, she is in total control and also if she decides to give me a pleasureless milking without any contractions, the fluids simply drain out by gravity and be caught if desired.
    The final thing to bear in mind in this introduction is that apparently some males can be milked without any stimulation of the penis/testicles. This is great if you want to milk a chaste male without removing his chastity device. From my personal experience, I know that I cannot be milked like this and need at least some stimulation, either to the penis or testicles or a set of clover clamps to the nipples also does the job, but beware—the clamps can give enough stimulation for an orgasm so use them with care. Lastly, not all stimulation to the penis is equally pleasurable, if you want to expel pre-cum during the procedure (or just want to tease him) then gripping the penis at the base and sliding your hand upwards (even over the glans) will almost certainly not result in an orgasm or even very much increased pleasure. However, moving your hand in the opposite direction most certainly will!

    1. Maximum Pleasure: How to Give Your Man an Earth-Shattering Orgasm.

    Put on a Nitrile glove and lube thoroughly. Insert one or two fingers from your dominant hand and begin to gently massage the prostate and surrounding area. Ask your man what feels best. The one thing that your male will be wanting more than ANYTHING else in the world while you’re stimulating his prostate is for you to hold his penis and gently pull his foreskin up and down over the glans. Alternate between a few seconds of this and also stimulating his scrotum and testicles. There are many ways of giving him pleasure by touching his ball sack—my favourite is when my partner fans out her fingers and gently scratches the backs of her fingernails up and down it. A firm massaging of the testicles, combined with gentle tugging and squeezing also feels very good. Play with different levels of teasing and intensity while continuing slow-ish rhythmical stimulation of the prostate. Nipple clamps are an optional extra, too. After a while, you’ll feel as the prostate and surrounding area begin to get harder and contract.  As the contractions of orgasm begin (or just before once you’ve learnt the signs!) keep massaging gently and concentrate your other hand on his penis—a vigorous up and down movement will give him maximum pleasure. Continue stimulation until contractions cease and withdraw your finger(s). Don’t be surprised if he doesn’t last too long. I can manage only a few minutes of this type of stimulation (usually less than 5, depending on how I’m teased and stimulated). You can finish prostate stimulation as soon as orgasmic contractions subside. Contrary to common belief, milking does not produce any more fluid than any other type of orgasm, but I’m willing to bet that the description above will be the nicest way for your man to produce it!

    2. How to Give a Ruined Orgasm Milking.

    Follow the instructions above, to massage the prostate and stimulate the penis/scrotum/testicles. It’s probably best to restrain your male’s arms/hands so that you can be sure you have full control. What you want to do is stimulate up to the point or orgasm with as much teasing as you like and make him think that he’s about to have an orgasm like the one described above. However, as soon as you sense that he’s about to orgasm (believe me, you’ll know after you’ve done it a few times!) remove all stimulation except the gentle massaging of the prostate. He will ejaculate with orgasmic contractions but it will be a very unsatisfying orgasm. Remember from above—as he is about to ejaculate, the thing he wants most in the world is stimulation to the head of the penis so make sure that nothing is touching it and that he is unable to wriggle into a position where he can hump something—the desire for stimulation is very strong at the moment of orgasm!  If you want to expel as much fluid as possible, after the contractions have finished, grasp the base of the penis and slide your hand up towards the glans to force it out.

    3. Minimum Pleasure: How to Milk a Male and Give as Little Pleasure as Possible.

    This is the most difficult technique to master but can have a strong psychological effect on your male. If you ensure that your male doesn’t experience any orgasmic contractions at the end of milking then he’ll receive almost no pleasure from the procedure. When I’m being milked, the ‘hollow pleasure’ of prostate stimulation is almost psychologically like a promise of a lot more pleasure to come (if you’ll pardon the pun!), it is utterly delicious in an orgasm denial scenario to be denied any pleasure but to have my prostate drained anyway, thus preventing any chance or orgasm in the next while (probably about 6 hours minimum for me).

    Follow the instructions above but keep the stimulation of penis/scrotum/testicles to a minimum (or avoid this completely if your male is able to be milked with no extra stimulation—trial and error will tell you). If you need to give some stimulation, then see if you can avoid touching the penis and instead concentrate in massaging/squeezing/tugging the testicles. Another very good tease is to grip his penis behind the glans and gently pull back, to simulate the feeling of it being pushed in during intercourse—a small amount of this is probably adequate, and be careful because it is almost definitely enough to cause an orgasm if you do it at the critical moment.

    Keep the gentle rhythmic massaging going and look out for the point where you can feel the prostate and surrounding area contracting.  At this point, reduce the massaging and prepare to stop just at the point where orgasmic contractions are about to start.  In my experience there are two stages of contraction in the male orgasm—the prostate goes hard and contracts to initiate ejaculation and then the pleasurable orgasmic contractions (perhaps six or seven of them) follow. What you’re aiming to do is keep stimulation going up to the point that the initial (less pleasurable) prostate contraction is about to start, then cease prostate stimulation for a few seconds (5 or so) and then restart gentle milking to clear the fluids out of the prostate but all the time keeping stimulation below the threshold for orgasmic contractions. It’s tricky to do the first time but if you pause milking before orgasm begins you should be OK.

    Depending on the male and how much extra stimulation you give him, this procedure will take anything between 10 and 40 minutes. If it’s taking a while then verbal reassurance that this is OK will probably put your man’s mind at ease, he may have been worrying that he’s not performing and find it a massive turn on that you’re spending this time to milk him in such a subtle and devilish way.

    I hope that you find the above information of use and that your relationship benefits from it.  If you were to ask me which of the three techniques feels best, that would be a very difficult question to answer. Obviously the first feels intensely pleasurable, however the relationship between pleasure and frustration is a very complicated one for a chastity enthusiast.  Each scenario is very pleasurable, you either get a huge orgasm or indefinite frustration which is of course what the chaste male really craves.  I personally recieve a ruined orgasm milking most often, which I both love and hate, and very, very rarely receive the full-on orgasm. The third technique is particularly cruel, especially after a long period of tease and denial (both in terms of the single session and an extended time period), but it is probably the scenario that I crave the most, and that’s the mysterious paradox that is male chastity!


    This article has been republished with permission from John.  Please visit his website to view the original post and more related articles.


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  • What’s the best way to introduce her to Kinky sex?

    What’s the best way to introduce her to Kinky sex?

    From my experience it’s been easiest to just suggest certain things and see the persons reaction. Such as mentioning the new 50 Shades of Gray movie or maybe even going to a strip club. I would base moving forward by their reaction to whatever it is you mentioned. If they display interest in some kinkiness then visit a strip club or maybe even go to a sex toy shop and look around. Point things out while you’re there or maybe even buy them an undergarment. If they display a negative reaction, then either drop the subject for that time or it may be that that person is just not the sexual partner you’re looking for at the moment.

    received_799361540139437

    I’ve worked at ten different strip clubs. So obviously I’ve talked a lot about sex and different styles and what not. Before I began dancing professionally, I was very stand-offish about sex and kept it pretty traditional. I’ve done web cams, bachelor parties and live sex shows since then so I’ve used vibrators, dildos, straps, handcuffs, lubricants, restraints, butt plugs, etc. I’ve dabbled in a little playful BDSM as well but nothing too extreme. I love anal sex with the right person and 69 can get a little kinky!!!! I’ve actually never tried a threesome but I’m looking forward to it someday!!!!!!

    received_800432946698963

    Some kinky sex ideas a couple can try if they are looking for something exciting are:

    69 sex position.  Where one partner lies down and the other on top and you both give head. Although it usually works best with the female on top 😉

    Light spanking. Just tap the ass a little bit. It kinda just gives a little spark , not too sure how to explain it.

    Watching Porn. I personally like softcore when I’m watching it with a significant other. Some girl on girl action or even some playful bondage. I’d save the extreme gangbanging etc for when you both are completely comfortable being a little kinky. 🙂

    Cock rings. Its a little ring you slip on the penis that vibrates !!! Trust me it works wonders.

    1


     Check My Resume Ox Pimpin featuring Yak Boy Fresh

    Currently going to tour with a band to New York and have a few things in the works as far as Porn, music video appearances and touring to different strip clubs.

    Follow me on facebook, twitter and instagram!


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  • Why spank your wife?

    Why spank your wife?

    Hi, DH here! This is post is a long-overdue follow-up to my how to spank your wife post.

    I think the hardest part of our dynamic for me has been really understanding that Julia isn’t just acting submissive, she is submissive.  She really does need my loving guidance and leadership in our marriage.  And that is really the key: it’s within the context of our marriage.  She could handle her life just fine without me.

    And yet, she submits to me as her HoH.  I have the final say on all family decisions.  Although she handles paying the bills, major financial decisions are mine.  I set the rules for her, and I expect them to be followed.  It’s that we agree on this arrangement that makes this thing we do work for us.

    I’ve become fascinated by ttwd, and the effect it’s had on my marriage with Julia, and also the effect it has had on me as a person. Looking back, it seems clear to me that my new confidence in my own abilities and strength have allowed me to make the best decisions I could have made in a very tough year. The validation? I just got a raise! (And a week later “let go”.)

    Spanking your wife affirms your strength and dominance and gives you confidence that helps you in every area of your life.

    I know Julia has benefited as well. She started running in the last year, and has kept her commitment through rain, shine, backaches, and family visits. Today, I agreed to implement a new rule: if she misses a day of running, regardless of the reason, I’ll give her 7 swats with her least favorite implement, the wooden paddle. On the surface of it, that sounds pretty caveman-ey on my part. But the truth is that Julia wants it that way, so that having the threat of swats hanging over her head will “help get back into running again” after a break.

    Spanking your wife helps her build confidence and character, and motivation to complete tasks.

    Sometimes, our dynamic requires that I discipline Julia for breaking one of our rules. Our rules represent the contract on which we’ve developed and based our trust. Violations of that trust cause hurt feelings through unmet expectations. To clear the air, I spank Julia to discipline her. I lecture her during the spanking about how important the rule is, and how I need to be able to trust her to follow the rule. I ask her if she agrees, and we talk if necessary. But by the end of the spanking, the issue is resolved and doesn’t bother us anymore.

    Is it somewhat hypocritical for the man to spank the wife for an infraction, and get to skate by blamelessly when he screws the pooch? Yep. You don’t want to be that guy, trust me. Nothing feels worse than the reproach I’ve seen in Julia’s eyes, when I’ve let her down. But I’m the man. There’s nothing I can do except admit when I’m wrong, apologize when it’s necessary, and return to running my household.

    Spanking your wife provides her discipline when she breaks the rules and enforces your authority as head of the household.

    I’m also fascinated by the evolution of human behavior. Julia and I are currently watching the series Mad Men on Netflix. The first season is set in 1960, and every episode crackles with the tension between men and women. The men are men, and their attitudes are reflected in the jokes they tell: “I got a phone call at the bar saying my wife gave birth, and now I gotta pay for college!”  Men pride themselves on being strong, and weaker men are preyed on, even as they fantasize out loud about being more manly themselves.

    Fifty years later, it feels like evolution. In many ways, we just don’t think the way we did. Roles between men and women have changed as a result of the feminism movement, which has established the basic truth that women deserve equal rights. ‘Cause they’re, you know, people. Like men. The article that Julia posted sounds funny today, but the guy that said that men would be sorry when they stopped spanking their wives was right: men voluntarily gave up the right to lead their households. My generation wasn’t taught how to have a relationship with a woman, because of the rapid social changes that were going on in the 1970’s. I think men conceded their authority in relationships, and the result has been broken families.

    Don’t get me wrong: I don’t think a ttwd/spanking relationship is right for everyone. It requires consent, consistency, trust, and mutual agreement between both parties. But I believe that the taken in hand movement is almost an unconscious human expression of an evolutionary trait that we’re not ready to leave behind.

    Spanking your wife could be a human trait that shouldn’t be left behind, at least for people who need and thrive on it.

    What do you think about why you should spank your wife? Or as a wife, why you should be spanked? 😉


    This article and all associated images within the article have been republished with permission from Julia.

    Please visit her website to view the original post and more.


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  • Why does spanking and corporal punishment turn people on?

    Why does spanking and corporal punishment turn people on?

    For spanking enthusiasts, even the mention of the ‘S’ word can trigger switches in the libido. Spanking fetishes go hanOTK_001 - Ad in hand with active imaginations and as an artist, I believe that art is one of the most potent sparks to human imagination. Put art and spanking into the same mix, and pow! It’s an ideal coupling, and spanking/corporal punishment artwork abounds in huge volumes, as even a casual search of Tumblr will demonstrate.

    Why is there such a proliferation of spanking and C/P art out there? I suppose the question should really be—what is it about spanking and ritualized corporal punishment that appeals to some people on a sexual level? And I don’t believe that has a simple answer. It is often not a purely masochistic impulse. The pain is essential, since without it, there is no incentive for the anticipatory suspense, the adrenaline rush of fear, or the release of endorphins as a countermeasure. For some, it is the thrill of finding pleasure in acts which are not meant to be pleasurable, a sort of forbidden fruit; for others, it may be a role reversal that helps offset power hierarchies we are forced to deal with in everyday life; for some, it is a release of the inner child; still others just enjoy the jolt that a smack on the buttocks sends through the body’s nervous system directly to the genitalia. (studies have actually been made that prove this to be true).

    I am not a psychologist and won’t pretend to sound like one. There are plenty of qualified opinions out there worth more than mine. Yet, in spite of clinical analysis, there remains a strong air of mystery over the appeal of spanking, and the many varied role-playing scenarios that surround it. Mystery itself has an irresistible and universal appeal, and the most enduring mysteries are those which invite exploration, but forever elude exacting, scientific conclusions. Spanking and C/P meet those criteria like a glove.

    As an artist, that makes the subject irresistible – not just as an exploration into human sexual psychology, but on a lol2012 - Apersonal level as one with a lifelong fascination for spanking. Illustrating the fantasies that a spanking fetish evokes is both a challenge and a cathartic release. I enjoy attempting to capture a particular moment, or suggest a story with a single image. It might be the husband who came home drunk at 3 am to find his wife waiting with a hairbrush in hand, or a still defiant spankee being sent to fetch a more formidable weapon, or a young lady who planted a Playboy magazine in her brother’s room so she could spy on Mom spanking him for it. To be sincere about art, I think one ought only do what appeals to oneself, and not attempt to cater to the viewer. Those of a similar mindset will respond, and the heck with the rest.

    That is why I only illustrate female dominant situations. Male dominant scenarios are far more popular, and I could reach a much broader audience through that approach, but reaching that wide audience is not why I do art. I would rather engage with a smaller, kindred audience. Whether it’s an angry 1950’s housewife, an outraged babysitter, a stern teacher, a professional disciplinarian, or a vixenish girlfriend, those are the iconic female images that never cease to awe, and perpetually wield sovereign power over whatever corner of the male psyche that resists the inevitable progress of ageing. Illustrating boyhood fantasies about womanly laps and deliciously stinging backsides keeps the inner child alive and the imagination active and healthy.

    Nobody has ever said it better than Jean-Luc Godard:

    “Art attracts us only by what it reveals about our most secret self.”


    All images courtesy of RedRump
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  • Important advice before getting into the Slutwife and Swingers lifestyle

    Important advice before getting into the Slutwife and Swingers lifestyle

    Besides enjoying it and having fun, should you decide to embark on the slut wife lifestyle, then what I consider to be the most important advice anyone could offer would be to be safe.

    Obviously sexually, use protection, don’t ever take anyone’s word for their sexual history. People when motivated by lust or wanting, tend to lie. It’s easy to get caught up in the heat of the moment … and then regret it when it’s too late. There are many STDs and there’s always AIDS, do not think that because it doesn’t get as much news coverage as it used to, that AIDS is not as active as it was. It is and it can devastate your life. Don’t wrongly assume that AIDS only affects gay men. It doesn’t; it affects everyone, and you need to know this.

    If you’re going to meet someone, take condoms and lubricants with you, don’t rely on them and if you’re going to meet someone alone without your partner, meet somewhere where people are about. Do not, and i stress this, do not assume because you’ve swapped a couple of emails or texts, or had a few phone chats with someone, that you know that person. You don’t. They may appear the nicest sweetest person in the world, but you do not know them and i speak from experience here.

    I got talking to a man i met online, we swapped emails, eventually deciding to meet for a coffee. It went well, we met a few more times, then we started having sex. He was a businessman from the other end of the country, who’d previously lived close to where i live. We’d been seeing each other for six months, everything was fine. He used to have a thing about me dressing up a bit like a tart, which i didn’t mind … short skirts, stockings, strappy high heels, too much makeup, all that kind of thing, and he used to like sex either outdoors or in the back of his car, when we weren’t back at his hotel room.

    This particular time, we’d driven somewhere late in the evening and were walking around, me dressed up like a whore, when he spotted an alley, so off we went down it as we had done a few times before. We had a bit of a kiss and a grope, same as always, and then, out of the blue, he hit me. Punched me hard in the face. I still remember the shock, like it was happening to me now. I don’t remember how many times he punched me, in my face, my stomach, everything was a blur. I just remember a lot of pain, tasting my own blood and thinking he was going to kill me.

    He didn’t, he stopped to fuck me while I was bleeding and half unconscious lying on the floor. Then he was gone, leaving me just lying there. Luckily, I still had my phone and was able to call my hubby to come and find me when i could finally pull myself together and manage to think straight and stop sobbing. I survived obviously, otherwise i wouldn’t be here now telling you this. But it left scars and I don’t mean just emotionally. I lost a couple of teeth and needed dental work to repair others. My nose and cheek were broken and I couldn’t open my left eye for about a month.

    Up until this point, everything had all been fun. No sense of danger, no indication of any danger, and then like the first punch, reality hit. And believe me when I say, it hit very hard indeed. I learned the hard way a lesson in trust. Do not make the same mistake i did.

    Now i only see men i know or who I get to know very well before hand. But there’s still doubt, there probably always will be. The reality of this is that you’re stepping away from safe zone, the life and people you know and trusting someone else. Some may say that I got what I deserved for living what they define as a promiscuous lifestyle. Maybe they’re right, who am I to judge?

    What I do know is that sometimes you’re going to meet some people who are not very nice and bear this in mind because they don’t come with a sign. Some hide it very well indeed. Just like him. For months. Think on that. So do be very careful and like special agent Mulder used to say in the X-Files: ‘Trust no one!’  At the end of the day, stay safe in whatever decision or lifestyle you decide to follow.


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