Tag: kink

My most memorable Slutwife experience

This took place at a fancy dress party a few years ago. I went as Ginger Spice. I had the wig, the little Union Jack mini dress, and a pair of white knee length platform boots. It was actually a charity fundraiser for something to do with repairing the church roof. Hubby was supposed to go with me but at the last minute, he had to go into work for a bit to sort out some problems, so he just dropped me off, and said he’d pick me up later.

There were a lot of people there and i must admit, I did get a lot of compliments on my Spice Girl outfit, mostly from men. Which when I saw my reflection in a hall mirror, I could fully understand why. The little mini dress that looked so fine when I was admiring myself in the mirror in my bedroom, standing still, and not tottering around in my boots, was now halfway up my bottom, so that my little white knickers were fully visible for all to see … and clearly quite a few did.

It was about then, that I met ‘Batman’ who’d obviously noticed my ‘distress’ at showing off my one and all … either that or he’d come for a closer look. It’s funny really, but I always remembered the caped crusader as being a little taller, and definitely a lot slimmer, and possibly not sporting a beard. But, obviously a girl has to be thankful for any knight in shining armor, who happens to pass her way, and offers his … ‘services’. Batman brought me a drink and we got chatting, he was actually very nice and after freshening my drink a few times, we got to dancing. As I said, I’d had a few drinks by then, so I didn’t really mind when his hands started wandering a bit. He told me that despite Spice Girls not being his type of music, he’d always quite fancied Geri Halliwell. I feigned surprise as I let his hands have a good feel of my bum as we danced close.

It was then that Dracula arrived on the scene. Very suave, wearing a very expensive tailored suit, slim, well groomed, and with his thick dark hair slicked back. It was just unfortunate that the whole scenario of seduction was ruined by him having to take his teeth out Ito be understood. As it turned out, Batman and Dracula were brothers … I suppose the whole ‘Bat’ theme should have given it away, but you’d have to forgive me for not catching on sooner because they were as different as chalk and cheese. Anyway, Dracula, asked to cut in, and his brother obliged and i was soon being waltzed around the floor by the Prince of Darkness … who like his brother, appeared to not only have a thing for Ginger Spice, but also an uncanny ability for letting his hands feel around my knickers. Which by about this time i was quite enjoying quite evidently, as i could feel myself getting a bit hot and sticky down there, as well as a bit flushed in my face from the effects of the drink. Drinks were flowing quite freely, as Batman arrived with another glass of wine, and a suggestion that we go and find somewhere a little less crowded to get our breath back, and get to know each other a little better.

Which, to cut a long story short, is how Ginger Spice, ended up on her back in a master bedroom sucking off Batman, while being well and truly fucked bandy by Dracula, who had a penis any woman would truly be willing to die for. It may not be the most kinky or explicit thing I’ve ever done, but it was certainly the most memorable.

God knows what anyone would have thought walking into a scenario like that, it must have looked like something out of a very bad porn movie, or an old Carry-On film. But despite that, the sex was very, very good, and like i said, after experiencing Dracula’s cock, I understood why they called him Vlad the Impaler. I do have to say here as well, that despite the ridiculousness of it all, they were both perfect gentlemen … well mannered, and polite.

Or so i thought before i tried to find my knickers to put back on before going back downstairs to wait for my husband to come pick me up, because it was only then that i realized that one of those ‘gentlemen’ had taken my knickers home with him, probably as a souvenir of our little liaison.

I have my suspicions it was Dracula, because Batman’s a superhero, and superheroes would never leave a damsel in distress like that … would they?

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January 26, 2015
3 Shibari Rope Bondage positions you should know

There are many kinds of Shibari patterns and positions. There are standing positions, sitting positions, lying positions, suspension bondage positions. We see lots of suspension bondage in the performance, but it requires advanced techniques and experience, if we don’t do them correctly, suspension bondage can be very dangerous.

Each Shibari specialists have more or less their own style. But there are some basic techniques people can start to learn.

I am going to introduce some of them below.

Takatekote Shibari

Kikkou Shibari

Gyaku ebi Shibari (Hogtie)

Bondage is for everybody, those who wants to bind their partner, and those who want to be tied up by their partner. Body shape and size does not matter. Ropes are flexible material that can adapt to any shapes/size of people, and we can also adjust the bondage technique to be suitable in any case. I myself have put hundreds of different people into my rope bondage, they are in various shapes and conditions, some are big, some are small, some are very tall, some are not flexible, some have physical disability etc. Each time for each person, I have made some adjustments and customized the best bondage for them.

I offer Japanese rope bondage private lessons/workshops to the people who want to learn it. When bondage is applied safely and correctly, it becomes a special and interesting sexual game, but if it is applied wrongly, it can be dangerous and damage the body. Nowadays there are many images of Shibari on the Internet, and some text explanations, so it looks as if we can just try by looking at. But in my opinion, it is better to take a course from rope bondage specialists and learn about safety cautions and the right techniques (patterns, knots, positions, pressure, places to avoid, time length, etc). For the Shibari, looking and trying it out is entirely different. To become good at rope bondage, you just need to learn the right techniques and practice it over and over. The more you practice on your partner, the more effective and beautiful bondage you are able to make. And don’t forget to always keep asking the partner how they feel during the bondage. Make sure that he or she is not having any pain, numbness or discomfort. As soon as they start to feel uncomfortable, they must be released, otherwise it can harm their body.

I am based in Europe, and travel around the world. If you are interested in requesting my service (Rope bondage workshop, Performance, Session), you can contact me by email below!

Images courtesy of Mistress Amrita
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January 20, 2015
What I enjoy most about being a Slutwife

I suppose I’ve been actively involved in the lifestyle now for around ten years. Would you believe the first man i fucked outside my marriage was actually my brother-in-law …. with my husband’s blessing. My husband’s brother is widowed and lives in New Zealand. He and came over to stay with us as i said … back in 2004. He’d always been forward in his liking and finding me attractive … flirting and making suggestive remarks It was something which hubby and i talked about often, as well as the possibilities of what it would be like should i ever take him up on one of his ‘invitations’, should the opportunity arise to find out.

It eventually did, i accepted, and took the bull by the horns, so to speak, and we’ve slept together now regularly over the years, when we’ve shared time together. So that would have been my initiation into the lifestyle, a little strange when you think about it with my brother-in-law possibly, but in all honesty it was a very comfortable, relaxed way of getting started i think.

What do i like about it?

That’s actually a very difficult question to answer. The obvious answer i suppose would be to say that i enjoy the physical pleasure of just having sex … no strings attached, no complications, which yes, i do enjoy very much. I’ve always enjoyed the physical act of having intercourse and I’ll freely admit, I do love seeing a man’s penis. I prefer uncircumcised ones because i love seeing the foreskin roll back. That for me really is a big turn on and I find it fascinating. I know a lot of men find a woman’s vagina a work of art with its many folds and intricacies but for me, a penis is just the same … there’s something about knowing that it’s getting all lovely and stiff and hard just for me, that really gets me wet So many times, i think a woman feels the need to justify enjoying sex. Isn’t that stupid?

We live in a world where despite what culture you live in, a man is looked upon as being ‘one of the lads’ if he puts it around a bit. I know, i know, the same old rant, but it’s true. A woman on the other hand is a slut if she is seen as remotely enjoying sex, case in point, your reference to me as a ‘slut wife’. Which incidentally i don’t mind at all, because there comes a point in a woman’s life where she realizes that basically being regarded or referred to as a ‘slut’ is actually a form of a back-handed compliment. Why? Because it means she has the power sexually. And i suppose that’s what it comes down to: power, liberation, and the feeling of self-confidence it brings, is possibly the nearest i can come to describing it. The knowledge that i have the power of choice and that it’s me who makes the decision. What i mean by this is, that women by their very gender, live their whole lives through, bearing up to the judgement and reaction in other peoples eyes …. other women especially.

We know what a man thinks about us by the way he looks at us. Men don’t really disguise their thoughts terribly well. But unless a man is going to actually physically assault a woman and take what he wants that way, which doesn’t make him much of a man really, does it. Then any granting of permissions, as i call it, is entirely down to the woman.

It’s her choice. A woman’s decision.

We have the power. Women are the ones who get to choose. And i suppose being involved in this lifestyle, proves that especially.

That isn’t to say that this is just a subliminal power game or anything like that, because there are obviously moments it really is just about the enjoyment of some very pleasurable carnal lust and sexual fulfillment. The majority of times actually, i would say it really is just about the excitement of feeling a man, albeit a stranger on top of you … or behind you, fucking you hard, just because he wants to fuck you and you want him to as well. You don’t have to know his name, his circumstances, what he’s doing tomorrow, it’s not about that. It’s the excitement of two people with probably two very different lives and in reality very little in common otherwise, just fucking. A moment of blissful unreality.

That ends when you put the key in the door, walk in the hall, hear the kids screaming at each other, see the bills piled up, and start making the evening meal.

Read about how I got into the slutwife lifestyle! http://simplysxy.com/articles/2015/01/12/how-i-got-into-the-slut-wife-lifestyle/

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January 19, 2015
The Lucky Number Three

Lucky Number Three: Young Adults’ Attitudes, Interests, and Experiences Relating to Threesomes

The topic of group sex is not uncommon among discussions involving university students, yet fairly little is known about young people’s experiences with and interest in group sex. Moreover, with some recent evidence suggesting that today’s youth are more sexually permissive than past generations, particularly with regard to casual sex, it is more important than ever to understand all aspects of young people’s sex lives, including experiences with and interest in group sex.

Consequently, a few students and I at the University of New Brunswick decided to develop a study designed to address the dearth of research related to people’s attitudes, interests, and experiences with group sex. As a starting point, we examined heterosexual university students’ attitudes, interest, and experiences relating to mixed-gender threesomes (MGTs; sexual activity involving three people where at least one member of each gender is present). In particular, we were interested in assessing young men’s and women’s self-reported attitudes toward those engaging in MGTs, interest in participating in MGTs (the influence of contextual features on their interest in MGT), and experiences with MGTs.

Our results suggest that about 12% of university students have experienced a MGT at some point in their lives, with more men reporting experience with MGTs as compared to women. Interestingly, men and women did not differ in their self-reported experiences with MGTs involving two men (MMF), but they did differ in their experience with MGTs involving two women (FFM). It appears as though young men report MORE experience with FFMs as compared to MMFs, SURPRISE SURPRISE! Now, how can this be? Is it that a handful of women are running around having MGTs with tons of men? Or is it, perhaps, that men have a tendency to over-report their number of sexual partners whereas women tend to under-report (my guess is the latter)?

Despite the relatively low number of young people indicating experience with MGTs, more than half of participants were interested, to some extent, in engaging in a MGT. Again, a larger percentage of men reported interest in MGTs as compared to women. Moreover, participants’ level of interest varied based on several contextual features. In particular, MGTs involving a romantic partner were rated as more desirable than those in which the participant would be the third person. Further, MGTs involving a friend were more desirable than those involving a casual acquaintance or a stranger.

When examining attitudes toward those who engage in MGTs, our results indicate that young adults’ attitudes are fairly neutral. In other words, participants did not judge those engaging in MGTs particularly positively (e.g., pure, moral, healthy) or particularly negatively (e.g., dirty, immoral, desperate). Furthermore, there was a gender difference in attitudes toward those engaging in MGTs, with men reporting more permissive attitudes than did women.

In sum, these data illustrate that young adults hold very neutral attitudes toward MGT participants, suggesting that young people do not consider MGTs to be an unconventional and/or stigmatized sexual behavior. Moreover, interest in MGTs, but not experience, appears to be widespread among young adults. Interestingly, interest in MGTs is influenced by contextual features (i.e., presence of romantic partner and relationship with third person), suggesting that the more comfortable we are with the potential sexual partners, the more interested we are in participating in a MGT. All in all, the results of this research are very positive. Now, I am not suggesting that everyone run out and start having threesomes, I am merely pointing out that young people do not appear to judge the character of others based on their sexual experiences/behaviors. Hopefully this trend continues in other areas of sexuality, resulting in the acceptance of people with a variety of sexual interests and sexual orientations.

** For more information, check out the following article on the accuracy of men’s and women’s self-reported sexual experience: http://www.scienceofrelationships.com/home/2013/6/21/sex-lies-andbogus-pipelines.html **

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January 19, 2015
Fetish for semen stained underwear and used condoms

For many years now I have had a perculiar habit; I have been in the habit of sniffing dirty knickers as I masturbate. How I started this habit is another story that I shall leave for another time. For a long time I believed I was alone in my perculiar habit; it is not something you can discuss with your mates. It was through the internet that I became aware that I was not alone. The internet also opened up a means of obtaining dirty knickers on-line, though this costs money to buy the soiled items, it does mean that one can obtain them legitimately and not have to steal them from a friend’s laundry basket when visiting them. Something I have done for many years in constant fear of being caught. Not only do I sniff the knickers of the wives and daughters of friends I have visited, being bisexual, I have also sniff my friend’s underpants.

Buying dirty knickers and underpants on-line can be an expensive business, which is why I decided a few months ago to sell my own dirty underwear. You would be surprised at the number of women and men who sell their dirty underwear. More surprisingly are the number of people who buy such items and the prices they are prepared to pay for underwear in a well worn and soiled condition.

When it comes to sniffing knickers, I particulary enjoy the genital odour of the person they belong too combined with a whiff of stale urine. It is the genital odour and stale urine that attracts me to men’s underpants as well, but the presense of semen on a men’s underwear is the real attraction for me. With knickers I love to sniff them as I masturbate then ejaculate into them. I do this also with men’s underpants, but afterwards I like to wear them with my dry semen in them along with the original owner’s semen. I am kept in a state of arousal all the time I wear them and obtain even greater pleasure masturbating in them once again.

When buying men’s dirty underpants on-line I always request that the seller masturbates and ejaculates into them. This is a popular request I find when selling my undies, but I have had other requests such as wetting myself whilst wearing them and had one request to shit myself in them and send them off with the shit. I personally am not into shit play, but shitting my underpants for that guy really turned me on so much that I masturbated again and had another orgasm more intense than the first. I believe it is the intensity of a masturbatory orgasm that attracts people like myself to this perculiar habit of sniffing underwear.

While seeking dirty underwear on-line I came across a guy selling used condoms. I so was intriged and curious about this that I bought a used condom. I recieved it complete with a ‘load’ of semen. What other guys do with a ‘loaded’ used condom I do not know, but I poured it on a pair of briefs and sniffed at the aroma it gave off as I masturbated. I then ejaculated my semen onto the other guys and wore the briefs soaked in mine and the other guy’s semen. Ecstacy indeed!

Along with my dirty underwear I now sell condoms I have worn while masturbating and deposit a ‘load’ in them for other guys to enjoy. As of yet I have had no strange requests regading used condoms.

The underwear I have for sale along with my used condoms can be found at http://tonysthings.myadpost.com. Take a look and don’t be shy about your requests as I will honour your every wish.

Antony Gee

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January 18, 2015
Perks of selling your used panties

My name is “tiny” Leticia and I’m an independent seller of my “dirty” used panties. Currently residing in the midwest, where I’ve sold hundreds of my sweet little panties for over 2 years and hope to sell hundreds more.

It began while I was researching the word pheromones and stumbled across women selling their used panties. It looked like a fun sexy way to make a little extra cash and an excuse to take sexy pictures. I made a little website and started on my journey of being a fetishist of used panties. Along the way, I’ve met some wonderful people including other sexy sellers as well as my awesome buyers.

There are many misconceptions about being a seller of your unmentionables such as it being an easy way to make money. Being a panty seller is your own little business which takes A LOT of time, energy and patience. Just like any other business, the time you put into selling will make you as successful as you want to be. There is more to it than sexy undies. Your postman knows your name and is probably curious in the discrete packages you ship daily.

One of the main and most important things to note are ….PIC, .PICS and more PICS! We know men are visual creatures and they want to see you in the panties they are buying. I for one have taken thousands of sexy photos which is something I absolutely love. It’s one of the perks of selling your panties of course! Having good clear communication with your buyers is key.

Another misconception is I am a prostitute or offer sexual favours. I love all women and we have the freedom to choose what we do with our sexuality as it is our own, and for me, I choose to strictly sell only my panties. Sorry boys..

My panties are sized extra small to small, never bigger. My particular size soaring heights of a mere 4’11 makes me stand out a little from my “voluptuous peer sellers.” With my seller name of Tiny Leticia, I learned at the beginning that this would be my niche. I embrace my sexuality in my size. There is a buffet of beautiful sellers in this fetish, and if a man is partial to a small latina, I’m their pint size seller.

One of my best sellers is the extra small G-string, preferably one from Victoria’s secret. It usually lasts only a few hours on the market. Its doll size is suits men looking for the ass scent in a tiny package.

I have ways my buyers can “customize” the panties I wear for them to capture the scent or visual which turns them on. Thongs or G-strings are more for the back-end scent. Whether they like the smell of straight body odour, or add hint of perfume, my unique smell which buyers go crazy over for is my musky sweet scent. For an experienced collector of panties knows exactly what he wants.

One of the sexy perks of selling is I get paid to play in my panties. Once I had a buyer pay me to play eight times and wear for four days straight. I do four day wears very rarely because it is a tough order. These particular panties were one of the dirtiest to date, but he was very pleased with the soiled panties and strong scent which he purchased and is still a buyer to this day. I understand all my buyers are different and I try to accommodate them all.

Images courtesy of Leticia
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January 18, 2015
Do fetishes require a Health and Safety warning?

As a now qualified psychologist, and practicing psychotherapist, I believe it is an aspect of my duty as a sex and relationship specialist to inform my readers that some fetishes require such warnings. It has been well documented since the early 17th century that men are dying due to their passion for sexual fetishes and the accessing of their fantasies, which are subsequently being played out. Therefore, some of these fetishes are quite historic in nature.

I hear more and more in the British press that LGBT men and men from the greater community are not always taking into consideration that various fetishes are in fact dangerous, if not health threatening. Two come to mind, a 32-year-old BBC presenter Kristian Digby died in December 2010 from a sex game that went wrong. He accidentally suffocated himself while attempting to achieve a fetish known as an ‘auto-erotic asphyxiation’ (AeA a bondage sex game consisting of partial, or total wrapping in cling film ‘mummification’). Recently, a 47-year-old Alun Williams partook in a similar sex game, where he fully wrapped himself in the same material and suffocated in August 2014. The United States of America estimate that the total death rate due to ‘AeA’ falls between 500 to a 1,000 nationwide per year. Unfortunately, due to the taboo nature, the United Kingdom and North America do not hold actual figures.

Unfortunately, rationality goes out of the window when the sexual drive is all so powerfully active that one does not learn from others demise, and die in vein of similar fetishes. Of recent years, I have noticed various men contact me requesting advice on what fetishes they could attempt. This, of course, is quite a challenging prospect and consideration for me to take on as fetishes are individually founded in preference. Such a preference is driven by sexual arousal, imagination, sexual fantasies, and quite possibly, lack of adventure in everyday life.

If such drives are fundamentally conceived by a lack of adventure in one’s day, when sexual awareness appears limp in all states of carnal consciousness such as: physical arousal, spiritual arousal, and a cognizant arousal. Then, the unconscious will collect material from everyday experience and process it in order to be drawn upon at a later date. Of course, if one becomes aroused within the process of obtaining such material, then there is every chance one will be aroused when processing, however distorted the material might become. It is important to appreciate ones sexual desire (libido) derives from an innate motivational energy that consists of any of the following: predisposition, drive, want, wish, need, sexual attraction, lust, or urge.

There are three factors to consider, ‘Drive’, ‘Motivation’, and ‘Wish’. There are explained herewith: drive equates to the organic/ genetic element, for example, anatomically. Then, motivation, which equates to the psychological element, which when dissected, indicates one’s mental states, for example, their mood, their interactive states when with another, for example, their mutual affection, or dislike with the other, as well as their social circumstance, whether they are within a relationship, or a casual affair. Then finally, the wish, which equates to the cultural element. This, when dissected, would contemplate the individuals’ cultural idealisms, their value system, and conditioned procedures regarding the individuals’outer sexual expression.

To end on an informative note, I have researched the top 15 sexual fetishes, which might span from developing a mask fetish, drinking blood, acting out animalistically as a furry, and to nappy wearing. According to http://www.cbsnews.com (2014), this is the list in no particular order: Agalmatophilia: Mannequin Love, Ursusagalmatophilia: Plushies (furries), Partialism/Gas Pedal Honeys, Salirophilia: I Like It Dirty, Paraphilic Infantilism: Diaper Me, Hybristophilia: Criminal Love, Hematolagnia: Vampire Sex, Mechanophilia: Inspector Gadgets, Claustrophilia: Love of Tight Places, Odaxelagnia: Bite Me, Dacryphilia: Are Those Tears?, Masks: Blindfold Me, Autoandrophilia: Just Pretend I’m a Boy, Acrotomophilia: Amputees, and Somnophilia: Sleeping Beauty.

If this floats your boat, please research, enjoy, and recognise your fetish limitations. After all, sex is for the living and I can guarantee, you will not gain sexual enjoyment after your death.

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January 17, 2015
Buy my used panties with a customised video

I started selling my used panties about a year ago, when I stumbled across an article online discussing the topic. I figured it wouldn’t hurt to try and being a full-time student, the extra money would be nice. The article I read suggested selling on Craigslist, but as you can guess, that didn’t work out or last very long. There were way too many creeps for my comfort. Once I saw the potential this panty selling business had, I decided it was be a good idea to invest in my own website. With the help of an amazing web designer Alex (alexgarciarubio1@gmail.com), I now have my own website (www.nikkipantyshop.com) which is currently finding its way to the top pages on google!

I personally believe panty selling is a creative way to express your sexuality while providing a means to help support myself at the same time. Most people would probably think I only do this for the money and that I am very desperate. But to be honest if this actually wasn’t a fetish or turn on for me, I would not be doing it! I really don’t have many fears when it comes to selling my used panties. I guess the one fear most girls would have with this kind of business is having someone find out where you live or any kind of personal information, so I believe it is very important to remain discrete no matter how close you become with your customers. I had one guy that emailed me for a while just looking for a free show, and he brought up the point one day asking if I ever feared someone using my DNA to cover their tracks at a crime scene. This was very comical and creepy as well to me so I never emailed him again.

Personally I think the sexiness of the panties depends on what looks best on that particular woman. For me, I have been told I look very sexy in lace boy-cut panties and I also sell several plain cotton bikini styles. Many customers have requested me to keep buying the bikini style because it complements my butt. I’m not sure if I offer anything much different or unique than other sellers out there, but when I do have an order I also try to let the customer customize as much as they please to ensure they are satisfied. For example when someone places an order that may include a 5 minute video, I will also email the customer and ask if there are any special requests they would like me to do in the vid. My best sellers would probably be thongs or bikini style with masturbation and usually with a 5 minute video.

One particular order I remember was when the customer asked if he could shoot a video of himself masturbating to my pictures and then send it over to me. I of course said yes, because it did turn me on thinking about it, so once it was time to make his video for him, I watched his video on my cell phone while masturbating in the pair of panties he ordered. I remember the whole thing was such a turn on that I was able to reach orgasm before the video was even half way over!

A special shoutout to my web designer Alex for the great job on www.nikkipantyshop.com

Images courtesy of Nikki
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January 17, 2015
How my panty business began as an adventure

I’ve always had no qualms about my sexuality – that includes accepting that fetishes are far and wide, and that seduction often involves a fair bit of imagination.

Finding out more about people is also a bit of a pet hobby. Just like how some girls tell what sort of guy they’re going out with by scrutinizing the contents of his bathroom cabinet, I’m the kind of girl who tells what a guy is like by the type of underwear he likes on his fantasy chick. That’s who I am – the provider of fantasies, via proxy of my dirty, scented, panties.

My panty business started as part of an adventure. The guy I was going out with loved me taking off my underwear in front of him and keeping it in his pocket; that no matter what, he always had a part of me with him. Holding it, sniffing it, and allowing his imagination to fly. After one night of heavy sexting with a paramour, I had a particularly creamed up pair of panties. I thought… why not make some money? I posted the panties on Craigslist – with the conditions of wire payment and mail receipt – along with a description of what I was doing. Within 15 minutes, my first pair of scented panties were sold and I was $50 richer.

To a school girl, any income was welcome. And so my business started. Through the years, I’ve amassed a loyal following of kinksters. I’ve had a myriad of customers – some who have shared their stories with me. They include retired professionals who are curious about cross-dressing, bored office workers who rub themselves with my panties at work, heterosexual couples (where the woman wears my panties as an introduction to bisexual coupling), and lesbians who enjoy cunt.

As fantasies stems from one’s imagination, the possibilities are limitless. I like to think of myself as a rather open-minded person, and view my business as a way of expanding on my own sexuality. After some customers replied my emails with feedback about how they used my panties, some of them also requested particular fetishes. I would then offer these requests to go along with the panties I sell as special “flavors” of the month – such as masturbation, exercising and making my panties all sweaty, and panty stuffing; the popular requests would then go on to become staples in my offerings. I also fully encourage my customers to not feel shy, and share their fantasies and requests with me. I always try to fulfill requests and to date, I am proud to say I’ve never turned down one.

Most customers are happy to let me pick what to send them – I usually pick a cotton panty as I’ve found that cotton retains scents best. Occasionally, a customer would request for a special type of panty. Some memorable pieces are crotchless panties and micro-mini G-strings (dental floss G-strings with a tiny patch that hardly covers anything). It’s such a turn on to wear these sexy pieces.

Most of my customer base is in Singapore. I’ve found that despite our ultra-conservative façade, damn, people are kinky. However, I’ve noticed a strange train of thought from some of my customers. A common worry from men who purchase is that I am male, looking to get my kicks off by playing pranks on them – to which I’ll say, that’s terribly insulting. Grow up. There are also men who ask for more – to which the answer is always a sound “No”. As with any endeavor, limits must be clearly drawn. Mine are that sales are conducted through safe channels, with both mine and the customers’ fantasy identities intact. After all, selling my panties is as much as fulfilling my fantasies as I am fulfilling someone else’s.

Won’t you let me scent my panties for you?

XOX, DARLENE

Buy Darlene’s Scented Goodies @ darlenespanties.tictail.com

Featured image courtesy of Shutterstock, accompanying images courtesy of Darlene
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January 16, 2015
Tips for the new Domme
“Just be your usual guai lan self. He want, you don’t give. He don’t want, you give more.”

This was the piece of advice someone gave me before my very first session.

Everyone is different. I think the most important first thing to figure out is what your style is. That, and learning the right techniques and knowing how to play safely.

Technique and Safety

Between the time I first thought about topping to the time I actually topped someone, it was about 1.5 years (or maybe more). I had been thinking about it for a very long time, but it was only after learning proper techniques at the 2 kink conferences in Hong Kong that I felt I was ready to try.

I personally don’t like doing things without the proper research. I also don’t do anything to my subs that I haven’t tried on myself. I like to know exactly what I’m doing to the other person. Some call it my OCD, some think I’m a perfectionist, but I think it’s also about being in control of the situation.

The kink conferences were the perfect place for me to learn. This was a weekend full of workshops from experienced people, some of whom also came from overseas. They taught us the skills we needed, and more.

At both kink cons, I attended workshops on how to do rope, impact play, cock and ball torture (CBT), humiliation, etc. I wanted to make sure I knew exactly what I was doing, and don’t end up screwing someone else up, or breaking something/someone. These workshops taught me skills I didn’t already know, and I learnt so much from a FemDomme presenter about what I could do to a male body.

While you can learn a lot from the Internet, it is so much better to learn first hand from someone experienced, and also learn tips and tricks that they might have figured out themselves while experimenting. This is also why we encourage members to attend our skill-shares.

Finding your style

Equipped with these skills and techniques, I was still having trouble trying to top. I was constantly worried that I wasn’t giving my bottoms what they wanted, and was questioning whether they really liked it.

Speaking with a few more experienced dom/mes, they told me to worry less about what the bottom wants, but rather what I wanted out of it.

I’m not saying that the bottom is unimportant. He/she is the most important person you need to watch out for. But once you figure out what you want, it becomes a lot easier to find a bottom with similar kinks, and/or to match your kinks with your bottom’s when you are negotiating the scene.

Find out what you like. Do you want play to be sensual? Do you prefer intense, sadistic play? Are you looking for someone to wait on you and do your chores? Or are you just a rope top who just wants to tie a bottom up?

It took a bit of time and experimentation, but I’ve figured out what really interests me—rope, inflicting pain, mind fuckery, humiliation and predicament bondage. It’s so much easier now to find a sub/bottom with matching interests, and I also know that as long as I’m enjoying myself, he/she will be too.

Experiment

Play parties are great for this.

You don’t have to go into serious dom/me mode, but you can experiment with various toys and see where things take you. Because it is a group setting, you can be assured that there are always more experienced people around who can help you, or point out anything that you might be doing wrong.

The first time I topped someone was at a play party. I knew there were very experienced people in the room who were looking out for me and my bottom in case anything goes wrong, and I knew they would correct me if I did something wrongly.

I definitely recommend playing at parties to gain experience, and to watch other scenes and learn from them.

If you are experimenting in private, constant communication is key. If you are playing with an experienced sub, he/she should tell you if anything feels wrong. You should also keep checking in on your sub to make sure that things are going well.

Planning a scene

I like to have a few main things planned, and then fill in the blanks around it.

My very first scene as a domme was very simple. These were the 3 things I had planned:
- Go with him and make him buy a pet collar at the pet shop near my place—I scouted out the place prior to our play session to make sure they had collars that could fit humans.
- Play an evil predicament game—something to do with a zipper line 😉
- Use my pole as a whipping post—I had my ropes tied to the pole in preparation because I wanted to see his reaction when he saw it.
Be creative when filling in the blanks around your main points. Anything can be perverted. Go with the flow and follow your gut when inspiration hits.

I find that I become more creative when I have a partner to bounce ideas off. Therefore, when my sub gets smart-mouthed or says something interesting, I tend to pick up on that and find more evil things to do.

I told my bottom that I bought a bamboo mop handle especially for him. When I asked what implement he wanted me to hit him with, he chose the mop handle, not knowing that I had only intended to use it as a spreader bar. Well, more fun for me (and more pain for him)!

At a recent play party, a masochist I used to play with showed me an interesting contraption. This device picks up sound or music, and delivers electric shocks to the beat of the music. I had a brilliant idea. What if I left the receiving end near my bottom’s mouth. If I hit him hard enough, he will scream and the receiver will pick it up and deliver a shock. And if he screams again because of the shock … it becomes a vicious cycle.

Many times, subs end up saying things that will give you a thought-starter. I don’t know why, but their mouths like to get them into trouble a lot.

These are just a few tips from my personal journey in finding my domme side.

If you want to find out more, SLAP! will be doing a series of skill-shares around the topic of domination at our March event.

Images courtesy of Shutterstock
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January 16, 2015