How Cuckolding strengthens my relationship

From an outsider’s perspective, we are the quintessential loving couple. We laugh at each other’s jokes—real laughing, not an obliged sympathetic chuckle. We travel together without fighting—even when exhausted and delayed. We throw amazing dinner parties, always have time to kiss and after two years, still look forward to seeing each other. By all accounts, we are pretty damn adorable. Yet, we have a secret. A secret that more often than not ends a relationship. A secret that may lead to years of struggle if a couple even decides to work through it.

I cheated on my boyfriend. I cheated and he knows it … but it’s okay.

Contrary to the norm, my acts of indiscretion have actually brought us closer together, and not in the sense that ‘we worked through it and are stronger now.’ Rather, my trysts were planned with the open knowledge of my boyfriend, even performed in his presence. “Cuckolding”, as it is termed, rather than destroying intimacy and trust, has fortified these very qualities within our relationship. The amount of trust and emotional closeness required to even have a conversation about cuckolding is staggeringly beyond what many couples experience in a relationship’s lifetime. Finding the words and courage to say that you want to have sex with someone else (or that you want your partner to) and not destroy the relationship is testimony to the bond shared by cuckolding couples.

This has been my experience, as I have a deep sense of security within my relationship. I have already committed what some consider to be the ultimate relationship sin, what shatters it beyond repair, more than once. When married or those in a committed relationship discover their partner has shared sexual relations with someone else, the effects can be devastating.

The terms and euphemisms associated with adultery appropriately describe the negative effects of non-monogamy, i.e. “cheating”, “sneaking around”, “unfaithful”. Notice that these terms amplify the aspect of the deceit that often accompanies adultery. It is noted that most who have been “the cheated on” confess that, more than the knowledge of the sexual acts committed, the lying was more hurtful and damaging to the relationship. This is further proven by the common issue among couples who stay together after adultery, as one partner admits to no longer being able to trust. This is astoundingly, the reason for further problems in the relationship.

In contrast, our sexual honesty and openness have brought us closer together. I know he loves me because he accepts me. I do not feel the need to conceal part of myself because I am ashamed of my fantasies. I feel free. He trusts me as I have been open about my desires and he knows that even when I have relations with another man, it only intensifies our love and connection. He is a part of the process, it is an act that we share, and that we both find arousing.

For example, we elevate the act of cuckolding by ritualizing. My boyfriend assists me in getting ready, such as shopping for new lingerie or getting my hair done. He draws my bath, pours my wine, selects my choices of wardrobe. The sensuality is palpable as he straightens my stocking lines and attaches them to my garters. Every step is deliberate, slow, completely lascivious—and shared. It is within the membrane of these before and after moments that intimacy is nurtured. Cuckolding is far more than sex. It encompasses freedom and openness that can ultimately be expressed by sex. When reflecting upon our experiences, I feel powerful and in control, both of my sexuality as a woman and my freedom of life. This freedom and power is the superlative aphrodisiac for both of us, more so than any physical aspect.

Understanding that arousal of power has led me to incorporate certain facets of cuckolding fantasy into my repertoire as a dominatrix. Some of my clients envy the open relationship my boyfriend and I enjoy, craving our experience yet terrified to broach the subject with their partners. Others have discussed their fantasies only to be rejected or scorned. Indeed, cuckolding is not for everyone. However, it is for us and we are thankful to have found each other.

Yes, we will continue throwing those parties, laughing and living, all the while a little a flutter inside knowing that we, as a couple, have a sexy and kinky little secret. Now that’s romantic.

Image courtesy of Shutterstock
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