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  • Four Points to Consider Before Joining the Sex Work Industry

    Four Points to Consider Before Joining the Sex Work Industry

    As an amateur porn model who has been very active on social media over the past 3 years, I cannot tell you how many young women (and some men) have come to me, asking me how they can become as successful as me. Of course, I just kind of laugh at their idea of successful, but hey, I’ll take flattery where I can get it. This is actually not uncommon in our little independent circuit. Girls see the job and glamourize it to hell and back. I’m here to straighten some things out and educate on some of the things that you should know before hopping into this career. Consider me your weird, rainbow haired, porn model auntie! I’m here to help!

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    1. Reconsider

    I know what you’re thinking. “But Ryden! I’m so sure of this!” No. No, you’re not. If you were, you wouldn’t be asking me. You have every reason to be unsure. It can be a scary leap, and it could very well change your life. Newbies have this ideal thought that they’re either going to be able to keep it under wraps from everyone or the people they tell are going to be loving and accepting. Unfortunately, that’s not really the case. You never know who might find you through your work and recognize you, and you never know how they’ll react. Not everyone is accepting of porn, and some people genuinely want to do harm to us. I’m a really lucky lady. I have parents, friends, and a fiancé who accept what I do for a living and love me regardless. That being said, I have received some negative reactions. I’ve had people get in my face, hit me, push me, spit on me. You name it. I’ve been under the big blame umbrella for every single one of these just because I have chosen a job that most people wouldn’t do. A lot of the popular models you see every day are estranged from their families and friends. Not everyone can be our biggest fans, and some people would rather hate us than support us. This is one of the burdens that we carry.

    I also have a lot of women who come to me and ask me if they should become a SW (sex worker) if they also want to be a doctor or a lawyer or a teacher. I always say no, unless you’re willing to risk that dream never coming true. As much as I hate to say it (and trust me, I REALLY HATE TO SAY IT) we don’t live in a 100% sex positive world. If you’re outed and SW shows up on a google search, they might not even consider you. Sometimes, identities get leaked. It doesn’t happen often, but it happens. If you’re not willing to risk your dream just for a few months/years of fun and liberating sex work, this isn’t the job for you.

    2. It ain’t easy

    With all of these incredible, awesome, absolutely lovely SWs gaining huge popularity in social media (specifically tumblr and twitter), it’s easy to see why some of you automatically assume that SW is an easy job. We’re put in the spotlight and it’s really obvious that we’ve got a lot of people who seem to worship us. The truth of the matter is; each and every one of us have clawed our way to the top. It’s hard to get the attention needed to show people “Hey boys! Look at me! I’m a stinkin cutie with a pink pixie cut!” It took me 3 years to get my footing. I still work my butt off every day, kind of literally. If you’re jumping into this work force because you’re money hungry and you think it’ll be easy, I want you to do something for me. Shut your computer (or lock your phone). Just stop. This ain’t for you. No work is easy, and SW rewards people who are hardworking, business savvy, and unique. Basically, what I’m trying to say is that sex work ain’t easy and sex workers ain’t lazy, but some of your girls who are leeching off the popular girls are starting to seem like you are.

    3. Be yourself

    By that, I mean, be the person YOU want to be. Whether it’s a reflection of your true self, or a persona that you want to be. You’ve just gotta be unique. This is something you should strive to do regardless, but I cannot tell you how valuable it is in the industry. Imagine that you’re in a huge crowd of women that are generally blurred together. A lot of them look the same, and it’s really hard to pick the unique ones out of the crowd with so many of the same girls running around. You’re trying to fight your way to the front lines to show everyone on the outside that you’re not blurred with the rest of them. Some ladies come into this with nothing to separate them from every other babe sitting in front of a live webcam, diddling themselves and hoping that someone will tip big. Those are the ladies that don’t see much money because they’ve done nothing to distinguish themselves from everyone else. Me? I kind of got popular on accident for being the “manic pixie dream girl” slash “nerdy babe” girl.

    DO NOT rip off someone else’s look in order to achieve your “unique ideal.” It sucks and it makes you look like a jerk. Being unique is noooooot stealing someone else’s unique styling and making it your own. Taking inspiration is fine (and this works with just about anything you do) but straight ripping off a look/idea/whatever isn’t cool and will NOT get you ANYWHERE in the industry. I cannot tell you how many wannabes I’ve seen cut all their hair off, get a triforce tattoo, and start selling the exaaaaact same content as me. Just don’t do it.

    4. Do it for the right reasons

    I’ve watched this industry chew people up, and spit them out. Drained, tired, and sexually changed forever; these people just weren’t right for it. Sex work isn’t for everyone. This is a harsh reality that many SWs will not face. You’ve gotta have a love for sex. Like, a deep love for sex. You’ve also gotta understand that there’s nothing wrong with being sexually open, out there, and possibly on display. It’s a really empowering feeling, but only if you allow it to be. You have to look at the pictures and the videos and say “Hell yeah, look how sexy I am!” You’ve gotta stick to that positivity. Don’t ever let it chew you up. Hell, don’t even let it put you in its mouth. Love sex. Love everything you do, even if it isn’t ideal for you sexually. Find the fun in your work, or else you’ll end up in tears. Hating the job, hating yourself; don’t let it get to you.

    In closing, I want to say that most of the stuff I’ve stated above probably sounds WAY more frightening than I intended it to, but being truthful and upfront about these facts are the only way to get the point across that sex work is serious business (or, at least, most of the time. I can recall a few times during my cam girl days where I became the almighty dildo unicorn.) Myself, and pretty much any other SW I’ve ever met, love nothing more than seeing other babes being sex-positive and unique in this industry. No one likes to see ladies fail, but that’s just where some of them end up.

    Most of all; be smart, be unique, be kind, and love yourself. That’s the best you can do.

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    Images courtesy of Ryden Armani
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  • Feminist Porn: Orgasmic, Honest and Empowering!

    Feminist Porn: Orgasmic, Honest and Empowering!

    Pornography is one of those hot-button issues (like abortion or same-sex marriage) that many people are markedly divided on: you’re either pro or anti-porn. This division is largely influenced by feminism and women’s movements (which men can be a part of too!) which proclaim that mainstream porn is produced by men, for men, which leads to the objectification and (non-consensual) humiliation of women. However there is hope; there is feminist porn!

    Unfortunately, the proclamation about mainstream porn being objectifying and demeaning of women is pretty accurate. Watch any heterosexual porn; it is easy to see that the woman’s sexual needs and pleasure are not a priority.  The “male gaze” of the camera portrays women as objects because the camera largely focuses on the women’s body parts (her breasts or vagina), instead as a whole. For those of you who are unsure, this is a prime example of objectification; depicting a woman as disjointed body parts, not as a person.  She is not seen as a sexual being with her own sexual needs. Even lesbian mainstream porn is created for men’s pleasure and still is not focused on female desire or showing women as whole women. The viewer primarily only sees fingers going into vaginas or tongues licking clits—not good!

    Don’t worry, feminist porn is here to save the female orgasm … I mean day! What is feminist porn you ask?  Feminist porn is made by feminists (mostly women, but that’s not always the case) and attempts to give the audience what mainstream porn doesn’t—real people sometimes of different gender identities and sizes having real sex. Feminist porn likes to show real foreplay, real sex, and real orgasms. The viewer can see the individuals and partners not just as a vagina or a penis but as a person with different sexual desires or kinks.

    How do feminist porn directors and producers show the audience real and not produced or forced sexuality? Well for starters, feminist pornographers are usually advocates of better wages and conditions for actors and actresses. Makes sense right? Better conditions to have sex, more freedom to voice concerns about the scene (i.e. wanting to wear a condom) and higher pay would make any employee feel better about their job and probably increase morale and productivity too.

    In addition, feminist porn loves to showcase different kinds of actors and actresses. It can be difficult to find trans, gender fluid, gender bending or queer actors in mainstream porn, but there are plenty of queer folks in feminist porn who love to have sexy fun too. Mainstream porn can seem limited with the actors they showcase; they are mostly White, able-bodied individuals and often straight-identifying people play gay, lesbian or bi-roles. In feminist porn there are queer-identifying people playing queer-identified roles, which also adds to the authenticity of the porn.

    Feminist porn also likes to bring gender and social issues to center stage in some of the filming by highlighting disability, gender and/or sex roles. Having actors who have disabilities, androgynous (having masculine and feminine characteristics) or show actors in non-traditional power roles (like having a woman cum on a man) can push the cultural norms of what it means to be beautiful, powerful or sexually active.

    Don’t be mistaken, feminist porn is not just for women or activists or queer people though. Feminist porn has a wide range of genres with an even wider range of actors to play in the scenes. There are sensual scenes like mutual masturbation between a woman and her male partner to an orgy scene with five men and women using gadgets such as ball-gags and crops while playing. There’s definitely something that would tickle almost anyone’s fancy.

    This is just a glimpse into what feminist porn has to offer. Feminist porn wants to expand the audience’s ideas about desire, sexuality, beauty, gender, and power through revolutionary film-making with happy, consenting and sometimes gender bending actors. It’s all about empowerment both for the actors and producers, as well as for the audience.  To watch some awesome feminist porn, check out the following links:

    Gooddykeporn.com
    Indiepornrevolution.com
    Brightdesire.com

    Images courtesy of Shutterstock

    In tomorrow’s special, we speak to Mike Kulich, founder and chairman of adult entertainment company Monarchy Distribution.

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  • When Erotica Meets The Internet: How Technology Has Changed Pornography

    When Erotica Meets The Internet: How Technology Has Changed Pornography

    The term “pornography” is often a vague way to describe representation of sexual behavior in books, media, art, and movies that evokes sexual stimulation. It has gained the reputation as being naughty, illicit, and has even been condemned by many cultural and religious groups. Another term we often hear is “erotica”, the more acceptable and tolerated version of pornography. The difference between the two is subjective and varies based on where you are and whom you ask. The history of pornography traces back long before we had the Internet and smartphones. It has been around since humans began to communicate through art, literature, and cultural symbols of sexual imagery and erotica. Pornography has been a worldwide phenomenon since the ancient Greek and Romans, Hindus, Japanese, Egyptians and even during the Victorian era in Great Britain.

    The origin of pornography goes as far back as ancient cave drawings depicting sexual and erotic imagery. Different cultures around the world have historical depictions of erotica that can be seen as sacred, religious and artistic and to others, perverse and inappropriate. As technology has advanced, so has the access and distribution of pornography. The invention of the printing press led to a surge of pornographic material to the masses including magazines, newspapers, and picture books.  The Internet launched in 1991 when there were fewer than 90 published adult pornographic magazines. By the year 1997, there were over 900 pornography websites on the web. Current statistics show that there are now 2.5 million pornography websites available on the Internet. People have always been fascinated with sexuality. Sex is everywhere and only a click away using the latest technology, allowing viewers to browse in private, anonymously and without shame.

    The argument in today’s culture is how pornography impacts our sexuality and that technology has changed the landscape of pornographic material. As technology advances, we have more access to pornography and research has yet to conclude if it has a negative impact.  Some believe that pornographic material can actually help alleviate sexual repression and create a sense of sexual enlightenment. Others believe that the widespread access of pornographic material is corruptive, dangerous and leads to sexual addiction, infidelity, and sex crimes. Pornography has been controversial due to religion and politics, which attempt to regulate the impact of sexual material on society by influencing how we think about pornography in regards to our sexual values and beliefs.  The impact of technology is rapidly changing our sex lives. It has changed how we communicate and our sexual behavior. Humans are fascinated by sexual stimuli and pornography has been an outlet for exploration and entertainment. But how has the Internet changed pornography? Technology has been a powerful source of promotion for sexual material and since the birth of the Internet, it has created a fast-growing billion dollar industry that dominates the world wide web.

    The appeal of the Internet is the anonymity, affordability, and accessibility of the content. Other than website history, there is no traceable activity which makes browsing and exploring different aspects of sexuality private.  Pornography is believed to be a dominantly male interest; but growing numbers of women are using the Internet to explore sexual desires. It has become a routine part of culture in both Eastern and Western parts of the world. The average person does not have to interact with others to obtain erotica. Women who were too embarrassed to browse the video section at a local adult store can now search pornography from the comfort of their own home. Popular sites like PornHub provide enough erotic material to satisfy a variety of sexual curiosities. The general rule is, that if you can imagine it, there is most likely pornographic material of the same accessible on the Internet. The vast amount of pornographic material that is available on the Internet brings up the question of how our erotic interests and desires are shaped. Neuroscience, sex research, and Internet data have all looked at the impact of pornography on human desire. We need to understand the origin of sexual interests to see the correlation. There has to be an impulse that activates the search for a fantasy, image, or search term. Our programming for desire is influenced by social stimuli. This programming varies for men and women. It is a known fact that men are more visually stimulated while women are looking for stimulation through emotions. The Internet provides that stimuli whether it be images for men or stories for women. As technology develops further, it caters to the diversity and science of human sexual desire.  Our brains are programmed to sample our cultural environment. This can include messages by parents, teachers, friends, and the media. Our desires are then set according to these social inputs. Since our cultural environment is changing towards online interaction and technology, so are desire programming, sexual interests, and curiosities.

    Pornography fascinates the average person and influences our sexual response and programming for desire. Whether or not there is scientific basis or facts, it will continue to be a topic of social and political protest. For some individuals, it can be a way to engage sexual exploration and an opportunity to become sexually awakened by learning to express oneself as a sexual being and to develop a sense of understanding around sexual values and needs. It can help an individual or couples learn about personal desire and turn-ons by being exposed to different forms of sexual stimuli. Many sex therapists will prescribe pornography or erotica to help clients engage in sexual interests and grow towards sexual awareness. Different types of pornographic material can evoke an emotional response whether be it sexual arousal or disgust. These emotions can help the therapist understand a client’s sexual programming and better provide tools and resources for sexual concerns. The political agenda disagrees with the positive aspects of pornography as a teaching tool and believes that it commercializes sex and causes more corruption, sex crimes, and negative behavior rather than good. There is no conclusion that a simple exposure to online pornography will negatively sexualize our society any more than other forms of media.  Like any form of media, moderation is important and understanding the impact can help reduce impulsivity, compulsivity and out of control sexual behavior. As a society, we must acknowledge that pornography is here to stay and understand how we can create awareness around how technology has changed pornography and how the Internet is changing our sexual relationships.

    Images courtesy of Shutterstock

    Tomorrow, SimplySxy introduces Cindy Starfall, the asian sensation as our exclusive interview continues!

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  • An extended toilet break at work

    An extended toilet break at work

    I have been rather busy at work recently.  With all the marketing consulting work to be done for various clients, coupled with many deadlines coming up due to the holiday season just round the corner, life couldn’t get any more stressful.  I am sure a lot of us thinks about sex at least once during our day at work.  It could be due to seeing a hot co-worker or stranger, reading something to do with sex or seeing attractive photos of people.  Heck, I know of friends who think of sex the moment they are have nothing to do.

    Just the other day, I was engaged in a full day meeting with a client in town.  All the discussions and reviewing of strategies can be really draining, especially after lunch when my mind starts to wander and my eyelids close ever more frequently.  A break was welcomed by everyone involved.  Some went downstairs for a smoke, others to the pantry for drinks. I headed out for the ladies, and as a few of them were ahead of me, I went to the level below to avoid the queue.

    The washroom was empty and I went for the one at the extreme corner.  Sitting down, I relieved myself and looked at my watch.  It was only 3:23pm and there was still another hour or two to go before we called it a day.  I leaned back and closed my eyes, having a little shuteye and going back late won’t kill anyone.  There was no one else in the washroom and I could hear the slow whirl of the aircon in the background keeping me company.

    I was starting to get comfortable and relaxed in my position, as my right hand wandered down south.  This was unlike me.  Yes, I have masturbated in toilets before but that was because I was horny and there wasn’t any other place I could go.  This time, I wasn’t even horny to begin with.  Besides, my Lelo Mia was in my bag and I had not brought it along with me.  Before I knew it, index and middle finger was already stroking my pussy.  My thighs widened automatically to allow more space for my hand while my other hand stretched to lower my thong and remove it.  Now my legs had more room and I was able to lower my body further and open my legs wider.  Pulling my tight dress above my waist to prevent any stains, I was now ready for some self indulgence.

    Putting my fingers together, I gently rubbed the area above my clit, feeling the small prickly pubic hairs that were just sprouting after I had shaved them two days ago.   I let my finger glide below outside my pussy hole and spread the juices over to my clit.  I was already very wet and the familiar tingling sensation was building inside me.  As much as I wanted to prolong my enjoyment, I knew it was impossible or the colleagues will start looking for me.  Sliding my right finger inside my pussy, I could feel my juices flowing out to my anus.  My left thumb and index finger gently squeezed my clit while I continued to slide my finger as deep as I could into me.  Hooking my finger, I found the spot at the top of my inner walls, and quicken my thrusts, fantasising that a dick was inside me.  In my head, I had wild thoughts that I was being roughly taken from behind, with each thrust reflecting the pounding my pussy was taking.  This felt like a quickie.  Straight to the sex with a release as fast as possible.

    Within seconds, I felt myself preparing to come.  Jerking my hips, my entire body tensed up as my pussy tightened around my finger and I let out a slow moan as I let my orgasm take over.  Pleasure overwhelmed me as I removed my finger slowly.  Reaching for the toilet paper, I gently dabbed over my swollen clit and aching pussy which felt sensitive at every touch.  Looking into the mirror to ensure that every piece of clothing was in place, my hands were soaped clean and my make up and hair was intact, I felt rejuvenated with my recent workout.  I was glowing radiantly as I made my way up, glancing at my watch, only 30 minutes had passed since I left for my break.  Not a bad way indeed to re-energise for the rest of the day!

  • Murphy’s Law on Sex. Are you feeling lucky?

    Murphy’s Law on Sex. Are you feeling lucky?

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    Most people are familiar with Murphy’s Law that is commonly mentioned as Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.  We at Simply Sxy came across a list of Murphy’s Law on Sex.  Enjoy reading them for a good laugh if you have not seen them before!

    1. The more beautiful the woman is who loves you, the easier it is to leave her with no hard feelings.
    2. Nothing improves with age.
    3. No matter how many times you’ve had it, if it’s offered take it, because it’ll never be quite the same again.
    4. Sex has no calories.
    5. Sex takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.
    6. There is no remedy for sex but more sex.
    7. Sex appeal is 50% what you’ve got and 50% what people think you’ve got.
    8. No sex with anyone in the same office.
    9. Sex is like snow; you never know how many inches you are going to get or how long it is going to last.
    10. A man in the house is worth two in the street.
    11. If you get them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.
    12. Virginity can be cured.
    13. When a man’s wife learns to understand him, she usually stops listening to him.
    14. Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
    15. The qualities that most attract a woman to a man are usually the same ones she can’t stand years later.
    16. Sex is dirty only if it’s done right.
    17. It is always the wrong time of month.
    18. The best way to hold a man is in your arms.
    19. When the lights are out, all women are beautiful.
    20. Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you won’t either.
    21. Sow your wild oats on Saturday night – Then on Sunday pray for crop failure.
    22. The younger the better.
    23. The game of love is never called off on account of darkness.
    24. It was not the apple on the tree but the pair on the ground that caused the trouble in the garden.
    25. Sex discriminates against the shy and the ugly.
    26. Before you find your handsome prince, you’ve got to kiss a lot of frogs.
    27. There may be some things better than sex, and some things worse than sex. But there is nothing exactly like it.
    28. Love your neighbor, but don’t get caught.
    29. Love is a hole in the heart.
    30. If the effort that went in research on the female bosom had gone into our space program, we would now be running hot-dog stands on the moon.
    31. Love is a matter of chemistry, sex is a matter of physics.
    32. Do it only with the best.
    33. Sex is a three-letter word which needs some old-fashioned four-letter words to convey its full meaning.
    34. One good turn gets most of the blankets.
    35. You cannot produce a baby in one month by impregnating nine women.
    36. Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
    37. It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
    38. Thou shalt not commit adultery…..unless in the mood.
    39. Never lie down with a woman who’s got more troubles than you.
    40. Abstain from wine, women, and song; mostly song.
    41. Never argue with a women when she’s tired — or rested.
    42. A woman never forgets the men she could have had; a man, the women he couldn’t.
    43. What matters is not the length of the wand, but the magic in the stick.
    44. It is better to be looked over than overlooked.
    45. Never say no.
    46. A man can be happy with any woman as long as he doesn’t love her.
    47. Folks playing leapfrog must complete all jumps.
    48. Beauty is skin deep; ugly goes right to the bone.
    49. Never stand between a fire hydrant and a dog.
    50. A man is only a man, but a good bicycle is a ride.
    51. Love comes in spurts.
    52. The world does not revolve on an axis.
    53. Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation; the other eight are unimportant.
    54. Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.
    55. Don’t do it if you can’t keep it up.
    56. There is no difference between a wise man and a fool when they fall in love.
    57. Never go to bed mad, stay up and fight.
    58. Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
    59. “This won’t hurt, I promise.”
  • Ashley Madison—The Infidelity Juggernaut Comes to Asia

    Ashley Madison—The Infidelity Juggernaut Comes to Asia

    The online dating site Ashleymadison.com made headlines recently due to the launch of its website for the first time in Asia. The website focusing on infidelity (it’s slogan is ‘Life is short. Have an affair’) was launched in 2001 and its response since then has been overwhelming – the site has since expanded to almost 30 countries worldwide, with a membership approaching 20 million and receiving 1.8 million unique hits per month.

    It seems that the appetite for infidelity is insatiable apparently. In June, the company launched its Japan site – the first in Asia – and its Hong Kong site last month. Since the launch, Japanese membership has reached half a million, with Hong Kong hitting 80,000 members since launch, making it the “most successful launch rate per capita, showing a ‘massive pent up demand’” According to Noel Biderman, the company’s CEO, the site plans to expand to 10 or 11 more markets in Asia as well.

    Of course, a site such as this has come under plenty of criticism since its launch. Its success debunks any notion that there is no demand though. Biderman has stated in many interviews that human beings will cheat anyway – all he provides is a platform for them to do it, stating that no one without the intention to cheat would sign up for membership.

    Well on that point I have to say I both agree and disagree. I agree because there is an inherent sense of morality that society places on its members. This stems from sources such as religion, and perhaps Confucian ideals as well in the Asian context. The need to maintain this level of morality in society has led to everyone from commentators to religious and political figures condemning ‘immorality’ and lamenting the moral decay of society. It is this expectation of morality which has led to a succession of ads and sponsorships offered by Ashley Madison being rejected. For example, the Toronto Transit Commission rejected $200,000 worth of advertising on its streetcars, with its commissioner stating that ‘When it’s a core fundamental value around cheating or lying, we’re not going to let those kinds of ads go on’.

    That said, my points of disagreement stem from me admitting that I subscribe to the Hobbesian theory on the state of nature, whereby life is of course ‘nasty, brutish and short’. What Hobbes meant was that humans, if left to their solitary devices, would fall back into their base states of brutishness and misery if there were no regulations and order provided by a central authority. Therefore to me, people would run wild (have affairs, commit crimes etc) if there were no barriers to doing so. Morality has no place in this. The key here is opportunity. As long as there are opportunities provided, humans will revert to their base states of nature and in this context – cheat.

    That’s it, just found some interesting articles on a topic which I’m sure is close to everyone’s heart (let’s face it – who in a relationship here hasn’t fantasised on someone else), and wanted to share my thoughts on it. I can at least say for certain that Ashley Madison won’t be coming to Singapore any time soon. Fortunately or unfortunately, that’s for you readers to think on and decide.