SimplySxy

Author: Shannon Chavez

  • Why Do Some Guys Not Like Blowjobs?

    Why Do Some Guys Not Like Blowjobs?

    Is it normal for a guy to not like receiving blow jobs? My friends rave about it but I don’t really enjoy it as much as they do.

    Blow jobs are one form of sexual activity. What one finds pleasurable is unique and subjective to their sexual experiences and how they are wired to experience pleasure.

    Sex is as varied as the food we eat. Liking blow jobs is the same as liking a certain cuisine. Some people may love pizza and others prefer Chinese food. It doesn’t mean one is better than the other. It all comes down to personal preference. Sexual positions and activities are the same way. It is absolutely normal for a man to prefer other forms of sexual activity over blow jobs.

    The body may prefer other forms of stimulation and pleasure. It could also be due to the type of blow jobs and technique used by current or past partners. I would explore different types of stimulation and ways to receive oral stimulation that feel good for your body. Maybe your interest in blow jobs can change with the right stimulation and penis pleasing techniques.

    Have a question on your mind related to sex? Send them in to editorial@simplysxy.com!

    Dr. Shannon Chavez is a licensed clinical psychologist and sex therapist with an expertise in female sexual health. She works with women of all ages and backgrounds helping guide them from sexual concerns to sexual empowerment. Read the rest of her profile below and follow her on Facebook at Dr.Shannon.Chavez

    Featured image courtesy of Shutterstock

  • How To Ejaculate More

    How To Ejaculate More

    Is there a method or technique to ejaculate more and shoot powerfully like what is shown in porn?

    To build techniques around ejaculation one must start with knowing their anatomy.

    Map out parts of your penis that respond to different types of touch. Find the most erogenous parts of the penis. Learn to build up sensations and experiment with different strokes and touch. Start with the base of the penis and hold it with one hand while stroking the penis up towards the head in a slow and steady motion. Do this method several times until you feel the urge to ejaculate.

    Hold the tip of the penis between your fingertips and squeeze until the urge subsides. This will pause the ejaculatory response and allow a build up of sexual energy before release. Once you do a series of this exercise with multiple repetitions, allow your penis to ejaculate. You will notice you have more ejaculatory control and intense release from the build up.

    Another method is to use your PC muscles (pubococcygeus) and squeeze to reduce the urge to ejaculate. You can locate your PC muscles by trying to stop the flow of urine midstream or twitching the penis. The PC muscles are like the brakes of a car. When you want to hit the brakes it allows more ejaculatory control and reduces the urge to release. Use the PC method to build up your muscles by doing a series of short squeezes or longer, stronger squeezes. Both will give the same benefits over time.

    Another method is to use the locking method – when you feel that you are about to ejaculate, withdraw the penis until only the head remains in the vagina. Stay calm and still for at least 10 seconds before entering the vagina again. You can do a series of these exercises until you begin to withdraw less and feel more in control of the sensations and build up.

    Have a question on your mind related to sex? Send them in to editorial@simplysxy.com!

    Dr. Shannon Chavez is a licensed clinical psychologist and sex therapist with an expertise in female sexual health. She works with women of all ages and backgrounds helping guide them from sexual concerns to sexual empowerment. Read the rest of her profile below and follow her on Facebook at Dr.Shannon.Chavez

    Featured image courtesy of Shutterstock

  • Why Does Sex Hurt

    Why Does Sex Hurt

    My girlfriend and I have just recently started having sex, and she complains of the pain every time during penetration. Am not sure if she is too small or if I am too big for her as this is causing some frustration for us. Is there anything we can do?

    Pain during intercourse can be caused by a number of factors: hormone levels, pelvic floor health, and built up tension causing painful sensations during sex. There are also two types of pain: acute and chronic. You want to make sure your girlfriend rules out any medical or physiological cause of the pain.

    I would recommend she make an appointment with her OB/GYN for a pelvic exam. Pain can be caused by nerve problems, endometriosis, and even medications with sexual side effects (such as birth control, chronic antibiotic use, acne medications, and even antidepressants). If there is no medical concern causing the pain, I would recommend a series of exercises to help your girlfriend feel more comfortable during sex and learn to relax her body, engage her pelvic floor, learn to self-stimulate to build the mind/body connection, and prime her body for pain-free sex.

    The first step is to have your girlfriend start self-stimulating and experiencing solo pleasure. Self-pleasure increases blood flow to the genitals, which helps alleviate pain and tightness during sex. It also increases pelvic floor strength that will allow for better orgasms and improvement in partnered sex. The vagina is a muscle that can be stretched and exercised to allow for different sexual activities. If it can stretch and adapt to childbirth, it can accommodate any size of penis during partnered sex.

    I would also recommend spending more time on foreplay to ensure she is getting enough time for arousal to take place. It takes a good twenty minutes for a woman’s body to become fully aroused. This state of arousal will allow for more comfortable sexual positions and play while giving her the most pleasure. Take your time during partnered sex and start with using your hands. Caress, rub, and stimulate her body first with hands and fingers.

    When you start with penetration make sure she is adequately lubricated and in a comfortable position. Be supportive of your girlfriend as she deals with addressing the pain. It can affect self-esteem and body image. Research shows that the more you focus on the pain, the more intense your perception of the pain. Be supportive and learn to focus outside of sex and intercourse for the time being. I suggest sensual massage, kissing, and outer-course (pleasuring the body outside of the genitals).

    Have a question on your mind related to sex? Send them in to editorial@simplysxy.com!

    Dr. Shannon Chavez is a licensed clinical psychologist and sex therapist with an expertise in female sexual health. She works with women of all ages and backgrounds helping guide them from sexual concerns to sexual empowerment. Read the rest of her profile below and follow her on Facebook at Dr.Shannon.Chavez

    Featured image courtesy of Shutterstock

  • The Porn Revolution

    The Porn Revolution

    When we hear the term “sexual revolution”, it represents the liberalization of sexual attitudes and moral beliefs through our history. The history of sexual revolutions has had a major impact on our culture by influencing how we think, feel, and express our sexuality.  Two of the most prominent times in history for sexuality were the 20’s and 60’s. During the first sexual revolution, known as  “The Roaring Twenties”, it was a time of drastic social and political change.  Women were feeling more empowered, working in executive positions, drinking, smoking and having fun. Sexuality for women was impacted by the rise in birth control use, leading to women having fewer children.  Inventions like the washing machine and vacuum freed up time doing house chores and encouraged women to get out into the work force. It was a period of history that launched an economy driven by pleasure. This was the birth of mass culture—cars, movies and music. The distribution of pornography increased during this time and became a mainstream way to enjoy erotica as a form of entertainment.

    During the 60’s and 70’s, it was all about free love and social change. There were major shifts in women’s sexuality, homosexuality, premarital sexuality and sexual expression.  Even psychologists like Sigmund Freud, Alfred Kinsey and William Reich contributed to the social movement in bringing awareness to research and insight into human sexual desire and behavior.  It was a time for political change, breaking down boundaries, reforming laws and the medical regulation of sexuality. Sexual freedom became a new way of living and as society’s views on sexuality changed, there was an increase in pornography in mass media—a money-making industry that commercialized on the sexual interests and changes of a growing society and strived to appeal to the masses.

    Despite having two major sexual revolutions in our history, we are still a society that is uncomfortable with sexuality and impacted by social and cultural institutions when it comes to how we think and feel about sex. Our sexual values and beliefs are shaped by what we learn from parents, friends, teachers and religious institutions. Sexual experiences and education often conflict with inner sexual desires and lead to sexual repression, sexual dysfunction or sexually compulsive behaviors. Today’s argument is that pornography shapes and distorts our views on sexuality and how we experience sex.  In actuality, we have a complicated relationship with sex. We are bombarded with sex everywhere in our culture, not only in pornography. Sex sells products from every industry and “sexual” images are more mainstream than ever—yet we are shamed for enjoying or talking openly about sex.  Women’s sexuality is stereotyped with mixed messages regarding what is acceptable sexual behavior for both sexes. The role of pornography is controversial because it is one of the most accessed forms of media and with modern technology, can be available to anyone at any time. In the early sexual revolutions, pornography was a way to express sexuality and empower individuals around taking charge of their sexual rights. Most pornography today can be viewed as objectifying women and men, creating gender stereotypes and portraying unrealistic forms of body image. Women can be seen as objects driven to satisfy men. Men can be seen as always physically aroused and insatiable. Body images include augmented breasts, labiaplasty, unusually large genitalia and perfect bodies. Pornography has moved from sexual freedom of expression to sexual stereotypes and misunderstood fantasies.

    History will show that attitudes towards sex change over time but it takes a strong political and social intervention to see it happen. The feminist movement of the 1960’s brought topics of female sexual desire, gender stereotypes and women having sex for pleasure into cultural awareness. Feminism was an important sexual revolution because it forced society to think about sexual objectification and exploitation. In today’s culture, we are expanding our views of sexuality by acknowledging variations in sexual expression, orientation and sexual identification. Yet we still live in a culture that strives to condemn porn, repress women’s sexual rights, support abstinence and minimize the importance of sexual education.

    Sexual politics have created strategies and policies that attempt to censor and condemn the power of pornography. It is a fast growing industry making billions of dollars with minimal laws regulating it or discussions on using it in a positive way. Pornography will continue to perpetrate negative images, objectification and acts of violence against women.  The question we must ask ourselves is, “should we focus less on censoring and ignoring pornography and work towards using pornography as a tool for positive change?” Since the world of pornography is constantly growing, we are seeing more producers that are women. We are also seeing men who are changing the kinds of pornography that are mainstream. There are women like Candida Royale and Petra Joy who are creating a kind of pornography that focuses on the context of sexual pleasure from a woman’s perspective, and portrays sexual experiences in a meaningful way. Women, as well as men, are producing pornography that is focused on real life sexual situations and not negative, abusive, or unrealistic portrayals. There is a website called, “Make Love Not Porn” created by Cindy Gallup that is intended to help inspire and stimulate open and healthy conversations about sex and pornography with the goal of helping people have more healthy and enjoyable sexual relationships. Other porn producers are seeking to educate and enrich individuals’ sexual experiences and base their work on honest, authentic sexual fantasies, desires and intimacy.

    So is pornography having its own sexual revolution? With the challenges pornography faces in our culture and the growing technology, it is easy to conclude that the landscape of pornography will continue to change. New pornography is being produced in a way that empowers people sexually and engage different individuals in a non-threatening way at the same time. Our basic human needs include connection, affirmation and intimacy. Pornography has often worked on the desires of passion and sex, but will hopefully grow as a form of media that teaches respect, mutual affirmation and the diversity of human sexual interests.

    Image courtesy of Shutterstock

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  • When Erotica Meets The Internet: How Technology Has Changed Pornography

    When Erotica Meets The Internet: How Technology Has Changed Pornography

    The term “pornography” is often a vague way to describe representation of sexual behavior in books, media, art, and movies that evokes sexual stimulation. It has gained the reputation as being naughty, illicit, and has even been condemned by many cultural and religious groups. Another term we often hear is “erotica”, the more acceptable and tolerated version of pornography. The difference between the two is subjective and varies based on where you are and whom you ask. The history of pornography traces back long before we had the Internet and smartphones. It has been around since humans began to communicate through art, literature, and cultural symbols of sexual imagery and erotica. Pornography has been a worldwide phenomenon since the ancient Greek and Romans, Hindus, Japanese, Egyptians and even during the Victorian era in Great Britain.

    The origin of pornography goes as far back as ancient cave drawings depicting sexual and erotic imagery. Different cultures around the world have historical depictions of erotica that can be seen as sacred, religious and artistic and to others, perverse and inappropriate. As technology has advanced, so has the access and distribution of pornography. The invention of the printing press led to a surge of pornographic material to the masses including magazines, newspapers, and picture books.  The Internet launched in 1991 when there were fewer than 90 published adult pornographic magazines. By the year 1997, there were over 900 pornography websites on the web. Current statistics show that there are now 2.5 million pornography websites available on the Internet. People have always been fascinated with sexuality. Sex is everywhere and only a click away using the latest technology, allowing viewers to browse in private, anonymously and without shame.

    The argument in today’s culture is how pornography impacts our sexuality and that technology has changed the landscape of pornographic material. As technology advances, we have more access to pornography and research has yet to conclude if it has a negative impact.  Some believe that pornographic material can actually help alleviate sexual repression and create a sense of sexual enlightenment. Others believe that the widespread access of pornographic material is corruptive, dangerous and leads to sexual addiction, infidelity, and sex crimes. Pornography has been controversial due to religion and politics, which attempt to regulate the impact of sexual material on society by influencing how we think about pornography in regards to our sexual values and beliefs.  The impact of technology is rapidly changing our sex lives. It has changed how we communicate and our sexual behavior. Humans are fascinated by sexual stimuli and pornography has been an outlet for exploration and entertainment. But how has the Internet changed pornography? Technology has been a powerful source of promotion for sexual material and since the birth of the Internet, it has created a fast-growing billion dollar industry that dominates the world wide web.

    The appeal of the Internet is the anonymity, affordability, and accessibility of the content. Other than website history, there is no traceable activity which makes browsing and exploring different aspects of sexuality private.  Pornography is believed to be a dominantly male interest; but growing numbers of women are using the Internet to explore sexual desires. It has become a routine part of culture in both Eastern and Western parts of the world. The average person does not have to interact with others to obtain erotica. Women who were too embarrassed to browse the video section at a local adult store can now search pornography from the comfort of their own home. Popular sites like PornHub provide enough erotic material to satisfy a variety of sexual curiosities. The general rule is, that if you can imagine it, there is most likely pornographic material of the same accessible on the Internet. The vast amount of pornographic material that is available on the Internet brings up the question of how our erotic interests and desires are shaped. Neuroscience, sex research, and Internet data have all looked at the impact of pornography on human desire. We need to understand the origin of sexual interests to see the correlation. There has to be an impulse that activates the search for a fantasy, image, or search term. Our programming for desire is influenced by social stimuli. This programming varies for men and women. It is a known fact that men are more visually stimulated while women are looking for stimulation through emotions. The Internet provides that stimuli whether it be images for men or stories for women. As technology develops further, it caters to the diversity and science of human sexual desire.  Our brains are programmed to sample our cultural environment. This can include messages by parents, teachers, friends, and the media. Our desires are then set according to these social inputs. Since our cultural environment is changing towards online interaction and technology, so are desire programming, sexual interests, and curiosities.

    Pornography fascinates the average person and influences our sexual response and programming for desire. Whether or not there is scientific basis or facts, it will continue to be a topic of social and political protest. For some individuals, it can be a way to engage sexual exploration and an opportunity to become sexually awakened by learning to express oneself as a sexual being and to develop a sense of understanding around sexual values and needs. It can help an individual or couples learn about personal desire and turn-ons by being exposed to different forms of sexual stimuli. Many sex therapists will prescribe pornography or erotica to help clients engage in sexual interests and grow towards sexual awareness. Different types of pornographic material can evoke an emotional response whether be it sexual arousal or disgust. These emotions can help the therapist understand a client’s sexual programming and better provide tools and resources for sexual concerns. The political agenda disagrees with the positive aspects of pornography as a teaching tool and believes that it commercializes sex and causes more corruption, sex crimes, and negative behavior rather than good. There is no conclusion that a simple exposure to online pornography will negatively sexualize our society any more than other forms of media.  Like any form of media, moderation is important and understanding the impact can help reduce impulsivity, compulsivity and out of control sexual behavior. As a society, we must acknowledge that pornography is here to stay and understand how we can create awareness around how technology has changed pornography and how the Internet is changing our sexual relationships.

    Images courtesy of Shutterstock

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  • The Love Experience

    The Love Experience

    “Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.” – Woody Allen

    Sexual stimulation is a pleasurable experience that can be fun and relaxing.  Sex and love can both create strong attachment feelings and one of the most profound experiences we have as human beings.  The capacity to love and feel loved leads to healthy and intense sexual interactions.  Love is one of the most well-known and least understood conditions in human nature.  Scientists say it’s a drive, similar to hunger or thirst, while psychologists may define it as a social or cultural phenomenon.  Regardless, it is the most universal emotion in the world with elements of each model that drives our need to love, including how sexual attraction and attachment style play a role in our relationships.  Studies in neuroscience show that as people fall in love, the brain releases chemicals that activate the pleasure center of the brain similar to drugs leading to side effects such as increased heart rate, loss of appetite and sleep, and an intense feeling of excitement.  Love can be experienced in different forms.  Our first connections with love are during infancy and childhood, and can set up love schemas that determine our capacity to love others during adulthood.

    Self-Love

    Self-love and selfishness are sometimes confused.  Each has different sources and consequences.  Self-love brings feelings of confidence, competence, and we are much kinder and loving towards others.  Selfishness causes withdrawal, and lack of respect towards self and others.  Self-love and appreciation are directly related to the capabilities of loving and appreciating others.

    The following questions can help differentiate between self-love and selfishness:

    1. When was the last time you felt unhappy with yourself (insecure, irritable)?
    2. When did you last feel happy with yourself (proud, pleased with your personal qualities)?
    3. How did you behave towards other people on those two occasions (happy/unhappy)?  On which occasion were you kinder and more generous towards others?

    When you are unhappy with yourself is probably when you were more selfish.  When we dislike ourselves, the energy we put out is directed towards protecting ourselves and is not focused on how we are treating others.  It is when we love ourselves that we are most capable of giving to, and loving others.

    Love Schemas

    How we are in adult romantic relationships is related to the working models or schemas we develop early in life – usually from our first loving experiences with caregivers. As we grow and develop these schemas become more complex. There are six different love schemas that are similar to the attachment styles that develop during childhood:

    1. Secure – seldom worry about being abandoned and believe other people are trustworthy and have good intentions.
    2. Skittish – wary of intimacy and uncomfortable with closeness, expectations that relationships fail and fear of depending on others.
    3. Clingy – desire closeness and worry that their partners don’t love them or will leave them and fear being on their own and abandoned.
    4. Fickle – uncomfortable with closeness and independence and never comfortable with what they have. They are suspicious of commitment and fear entrapment.
    5. Casual – view love affairs as fun and lacks desire for commitment often fearing intimacy.
    6. Uninterested – not interested in relationships and gets little pleasure out of it and when they end often feels relief.

    The development of these love schemas depends on how comfortable we are with closeness, independence and how willing we are to be involved in romantic relationships.  Identifying our love schema can give insight on our attachment style and patterns in relationships.

    Love vs. Lust

    The beginning stages of love are full of arousal, intense sexual desire, anxiety over rejection, and an array of positive and sometimes negative emotions.  Whether it is lust, infatuation, or romantic love, a preoccupation with the loved one is common and unavoidable.  Lust is actually a normal and healthy human emotion and can be very pleasurable for two people in the expression of sexual interactions.  If two people do not deal with feelings prior to sexual activity lust can sometimes lead to pain and guilt.

    There is this old cliché’ that men use love to get sex and women use sex to get love.

    Even though society is slowly moving towards more gender equality in views of sex – surveys show that more women than men find sex only acceptable in a love relationship.  If one partner is more motivated by lust than love, it can lead to difficulties in a relationship.  The sharing of feelings and intentions by both partners can minimize feelings of guilt and exploitation that can arise when two people have conflicting motivations for a relationship.

    Dependency and Jealousy

    Feelings of dependency and jealousy are often associated with love and are often experienced by individuals that lack self-confidence and self-esteem.  The consequences are a false love that consists of manipulative, exploitive, and unhealthy love behaviors.  These feelings of dependency and jealousy are human and we all feel them at some point in our lives – they are painful and often unavoidable.  The healthiest way to cope with these feelings is to communicate them instead of accusing, attacking, blaming or shaming your loved one.  It will reduce the negative effects of dependency and jealousy.

    Here are questions to assess healthy love in your relationship:

    1. Have you continued to maintain individual interests, including meaningful personal relationships with people other than your partner?
    2. Are you and your lover friends? If your erotic relationship ended, would you continue to see one another as friends?
    3. Have you maintained a secure belief in your own values as an independent person?
    4. Is your relationship integrated with the rest of your life rather than set off or isolated from your other activities?
    5. Do you feel improved by the relationship? Have you become stronger, more attractive, more accomplished, and more sensitive since becoming involved with your partner?

    These are great questions to ask yourself and your partner if you are in a loving sexual relationship.  If either of you answered “no” to more than one question it is worth discussing and looking at possibilities of changing aspects of the relationship.  The quality of a relationship is not measured by the absence of problems – there is no such thing as a “perfect” relationship.  The qualities that are important include honesty, integrity, and concern for resolving problems in a way that meets the needs of both partners.

    Independent, mature, and self-confident people have the greatest capacity for healthy and loving sexual interactions.  Two adults in a relationship that form an erotic bond can share their whole self – and can enjoy each others similarities and accept and be comfortable with their differences.  If someone makes the other person the exclusive focus of one’s life, it can reduce the vitality of a relationship. The healthier way is for each partner in a relationship to develop her or his own potential and be able to contribute individual, unique qualities to a mutually satisfying and stimulating relationship.  This ideal is not easily attained or constantly maintained, but striving towards it contributes to the hope and pleasure that characterize lasting and loving sexual interactions.

  • More orgasms, less pain

    More orgasms, less pain

    Forget pain relievers – have an orgasm instead!  Self-medicating with an orgasm can cause relief from severe headaches, generalized muscular pain, and even a migraine.  If you have one at the beginning of your migraine it is possible at times to stop it from progressing.  Orgasms are also amazing stress relievers.  Of course when you are in pain you may not feel like having sex but using it therapeutically can be very beneficial.

    Sex releases endorphins, the body’s natural painkillers, which helps manage pain – causing a 70% pain decrease on average.  Who wouldn’t want to have an orgasm over taking Aspirin or Ibuprofen?

    When you have an orgasm it has a natural pain killing effect on the body.  Immediately before orgasm, levels of the hormone, Oxytocin, surge to five times their normal level.  This activates the release of endorphins, which alleviate the pain of everything from muscle pain to arthritis and those irritating migraine headaches.  For women, sex also prompts the production of estrogen, which can reduce the pain of PMS.

    When sex is not desired, you can use masturbation that ends with an orgasm to produce the exact same pain relieving effects.  For women, getting a clitoral stimulator, which can bring about orgasm quickly, is very useful (most well-known is the Hitachi Magic Wand).  It can also save time if sex isn’t an option.

    SEX: PAIN RELIEF AND EMOTIONAL SUPPORT

    A research study showed that orgasm induces elevations in blood pressure and pulse, as well as neurotransmitters and hormones responsible for mood.  Sexual arousal stimulates vital hormones in women that lead to more intense orgasmic response and feelings of sexual desire.  Oxytocin is a chemical hormone that increases during orgasm in both men and women.  It has been reported that oxytocin levels increase in association with massage and with positive emotion, but decreased in relation to sad emotion.  Social stimuli are thought to cause oxytocin release, and as a result make positive social contact more rewarding.  A 20-second hug can be enough to stimulate oxytocin release and bring about a change in emotion.  Oxytocin enhances the level of subjective arousal and pleasure when women experience orgasm, and have an effect similar to endorphins, which play a role in the human sexual response.  Either way, the release of oxytocin during the sexual response has pain-relieving benefits.

    Research studies on oxytocin report that women have higher oxytocin levels when they are in a close relationship, during positive emotional states, and when they are more secure in their relationships.  Women, not in a relationship, have lower oxytocin levels and more difficulty with emotional openness.  In the more secure subjects, the higher levels of oxytocin seemed in turn to reinforce their bond with their partners.

    Emotional Pain

    Emotional withdrawal can be the result of emotional pain and sometimes depression.  The symptoms are lack of energy and fatigue.  If a person is in pain it restricts the ability to reach out emotionally, it depletes one’s energy and impairs physical ability to participate socially.  This leads to social deprivation and loss of interest in activities.  This can develop into a loss of self-esteem.  Emotional withdrawal is both the cause and effect of fatigue, pain, and social deprivation.

    Happy social interplay is energizing.  Who doesn’t like to play?  It distracts the perception of pain, and enhances the sense of self-esteem.  Sexual interplay is the most intimate and meaningful of social interplay.  It is the most powerful remedy for the de-energizing loss of self-esteem.  Consider different positions and methods of providing sexual pleasure with a partner.  The capacity for natural enjoyment is impaired by the loss of self-esteem, physical difficulties, and pain.  The best support and medicine is a loving, caring sexual encounter that can be practised frequently!

    SEX DOES THE BODY GOOD!

    Studies report that having sex even a few times a week can lead to overall health benefits including:

    • Improved sense of smell: After sex, production of the hormone prolactin surges causing stem cells in the brain to develop new neurons in the brain’s olfactory bulb, the smell center.
    • Reduced risk of heart disease: A study reported that having sex three or more times a week, men reduced their risk of heart attack or stroke by half.
    • Weight loss, overall fitness: Sex is the best source of exercise and can burn up to 200 calories — about the same as running 15 minutes on a treadmill. The pulse rate, in a person aroused, rises from about 70 beats per minute to 150, the same as that of a person working out at maximum effort.
    • Muscular contractions during intercourse work the pelvis, thighs, buttocks, arms, neck and thorax.  Sex also boosts production of testosterone, which leads to stronger bones and muscles.

    Is it possible to have too much sex?

    Good news ladies!  For women, probably not, for men, yes!  University of Bristol researcher, Dr. Claire Bailey, says that there is little to no risk of women having too much sex, in fact, regular sex improves posture and firms your thighs and butt.  For men, the penile tissues can sustain damage from too rough of sex and overuse which can lead to permanent damage.  Viagra and Levitra are drugs that give men more staying power than is actually good for them – being sexually active is healthy but putting too much demand on the body can sometimes be physically more than the body can handle.

  • The Effects of Media on Female Sexuality

    The Effects of Media on Female Sexuality

    The impact of the media is profound when it comes to setting ideals of beauty and sexuality for women. Marketing and advertising companies have created a billion dollar industry based on convincing women they are not “ideal” and need improvement. We are not only influenced by the images that we see but the messages we receive that change our way of thinking. The media is one of the most powerful and effective forms of education whether we like it or not. In a day, the average person will be exposed to thousands of ads and spend the majority of time watching commercials selling everything from products that provide pleasure, sexiness, happiness, and youth. If you look at the ads aimed at women you will find messages about body image, age, and sexuality that make a life changing impact on a woman’s values, success, and self-worth.

    The Internet is one of the fastest growing sources of information on sexuality and behaviour. The accessibility and anonymity contribute to the growing number of users for everything from educational to economic resources. The word “sex” is the most popular search term used on the Internet today and it continues to increase in availability of sexually explicit content. Our sexuality is strongly shaped by the society around us. We have to learn how to be sexual, it is not innate. What we learn from society is from the external cues we see from sexually-explicit material – both pornographic and sadomasochistic – that shapes our sexuality. There are both negative and positive effects on sexual health for women. It is more common than not to encounter pornography or sexually explicit material when seeking education on sexuality. The negative impact on sexual health from the media can lead to sexual concerns, low sexual self-esteem, and body image disorders. On the positive side, as the Internet grows, it also allows more opportunity for educational sites and resources for promoting healthy sexual behaviour and resources on intimacy, relationships, and safe sex. More often than not a search to find information on contraception or healthy sexuality will be limited to the findings of pornographic ads of beauty. Sexually-explicit material is widely accepted as a form to sell anything. It’s in the ad for running shoes, perfume, and even household cleaning products. A photoshopped torso, a bronze body with curves, a seductive pose or look to sexualize an image can create the message to be desired or sexy is what women want. In a sadomasochistic ad – used for selling jewellery, handbags and designer clothing – we might see bondage, a woman submissing to a man – mouth bound, on her knees, or hair being pulled. The message sent to women is that her private submission is highly desirable to men, and even “normal”.

    Everywhere we look in the media we see images of the female body. Magazines and media also portray popular celebrities as underweight, young-looking, perfectly groomed sex symbols. Are these the norms? Women’s magazines constantly put out the message of losing weight to gain happiness. The message is clear that if you lose weight your life will be more satisfying. If you dress sexier, you will get what you want. If you act a certain way, men will desire you. Analysts conclude that these messages are mainly economic. By creating a difficult to achieve ideal, industries targeting women will continue to grow and profit as they push products to its female consumers. By creating a sexual ideal for women, they will continue to buy the products, wear the clothes, or model what is expressed as the norm according to popular culture. The world of advertising is full of beautiful people using products we want to use. What we learn from these messages is stereotypes.

    Several media outlets have tried to portray a more natural woman and have received negative feedback from consumers. Therefore advertising companies continue to use underweight models because they sell products. Author Jean Kilbourne believes that the overwhelming presence of thin women in the media results in real women’s bodies becoming more invisible to the masses. Women compare themselves to models, to other women, and compete for male attention. It is a tragedy because it results in women internalizing stereotypes and judging themselves by the industry’s standards rather by those of their own.

    Today’s world of media is much more difficult to live in than the past. It is now more acceptable to show skin and flaunt your sexuality. Sex sells and it’s selling all over the world. Women are rightfully concerned as to how the role of mass media influences their lives. The challenge for women today is to learn how to interpret and distinguish the images put out there in the media. According to Elizabeth Thoman and Dale Ann Stieber, authors of Growing up Female in a Media World, there is a set of skills women should use when interpreting messages in the media. These skills include observing women’s images in the media, seeking out alternative depictions and supporting women to make their own media messages, and sharing this knowledge with friends, family and community. What is seen today in the media is not always uniform. More women should expand their media experiences to get a better understanding and perspective of different images and how it relates to our sexuality. It is also smart to be confident in yourself and your own image and spread to word to other women. Don’t rely on a single source of information. The media has a very specific goal and that is to sell products through fantasy and unrealistic ideals, not tell us how we should look or be. Be who you are and own it. We are each our own creators of our sexuality and sexual health.