SimplySxy

Author: Ryden Armani

  • 8 Questions You Should Stop Asking Sex Workers

    8 Questions You Should Stop Asking Sex Workers

    Before I begin, I want all of the non-sex workers to realize that this article isn’t meant to be in rude or unkind. If you’re feeling a bit offended by this, just put yourself in our shoes. Being asked uninformed, annoying, and sometimes borderline offensive questions gets very old very quick. We just want you all to be informed.

    Do your parents know about what you do?

    To the naive eye, this seems like a harmless question. For some, it is. For others, it isn’t. Every family is different, and not everyone’s parents are open minded. For those people, it might be a very sore subject. Bringing it up time and time again can stir up some pretty harsh memories. It’s best to just leave it alone. If they’re open to talk about it, they will on their own, without strangers prodding about it.

    Why don’t you get a real job?

    Okay, we all know you’re not saying this out of curiousity because you’re straight up saying that what we do isn’t real work. That isn’t okay, and it definitely isn’t for you to say whether or not Sex Work is ~real work~. We pay taxes, just like you. We work hard every day, just like you. If you think otherwise, take a walk in our shoes for a day. Seriously, don’t ask this question. It’s hateful and rude.

    What will you do when you get too old for sex work? 

    None of us were aware that sex work had an age limit. You should probably tell Dita Von Teese, who turns 43 this year. I’ve heard a range of different ages that people believe women should quit sex work. 50. 25. 34. 23. Seriously, stop. You never hear “what will you do when you get too old to be a Chef?” or “Don’t you think you’re a little too old to be a customer service provider?” now do you? Stop asking us this. Sex Work does not have an age limit, just in the same way that any other job doesn’t have an age limit.

    How can I do what you do?

    As someone who entered the industry with no help, started with no help, and gained a following with no help; I don’t understand the point of this question. It’s not rocket science. You join a site. You produce content. You market yourself. There’s no magical secret to it. You have to be independent, unique, and business savvy. None of us can do that for you and not a single one of us want to spoon feed you because none of us were spoon fed. Furthermore, nothing we can say will guarantee that you’ll even be successful because there are a lot of personal factors that come into play when it comes to being successful as a sex work. What works for me might not work for you. Stop wasting your time asking this question and spend a little more time doing personal research and getting into the field.

    Is your significant other okay with you doing sex work?

    Why do you care? Seriously, what compels you to ask this? Trust me, most of us wouldn’t be with the people we’re with if they didn’t approve. Furthermore, I’d like to add that NO ONE should ever allow their significant other to control their decisions (considering that they’re not harmful to them, which sex work is NOT, no matter how much people try to paint it otherwise). You need a partner, not a parent.

    Do you like your job?

    While a lot of Sex Workers love the job, not all Sex Workers are crazy about it or see it as a career. Some do it for survival rather than passion (which doesn’t necessarily mean that the two are mutually exclusive). Furthermore, why do we have to like it? Why are we required to enjoy our job when no one else is? No one bats an eye when someone working a Non-Sex Work job complains about their work, but when we even make the smallest complaints, we recieve such horrible backlash.

    Does your job make you feel dehumanized?

    Let me ask  you; would you ask this of someone that worked a vanilla job? Why are we required to constantly explain to complete strangers why our jobs don’t dehumanize us? It almost seems like we’re always required to remind YOU that we’re humans. You wouldn’t even ask a non-nude model this, despite the fact that the job is exceedingly similar. Personally, I’ve never found the job dehumanizing, but I definitely find this question dehumanizing. It is rude, and it’s silly. It’d probably be best if you didn’t ask this anymore.

    Don’t you think you’re too pretty for sex work?

    Come on. A pretty big portion of the job is based on appearance. Do you really think this is a smart question?
    There you have it, ladies and gentlemen. These are only the few of the questions you should probably refrain from asking. Don’t get me wrong, a lot of us love talking about the job, but in a positive light. Most of the questions above can come across as mean spirited, and sometimes they are. Please take that into consideration before you attempt to ask us anything. Furthermore, I’d like to thank Espi Kvlt and AurraSing for their helpful input. You can check them both out on their tumblr pages.

    Feature image courtesy of Shutterstock
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  • The First Time I Was Threatened For Being A Sex Worker

    The First Time I Was Threatened For Being A Sex Worker

    The first time I had ever received a negative reaction to my sex work (in person, anyway) was in summer of 2012. At this point, I had been posting nudes for no more than a year and selling them for maybe six months. I had already gained a small following from the free nudes, so the rest came naturally. I wasn’t able to stay closeted, however. I hung out with a pretty bad group of people. By that, I mean that if one person knew a secret, it wasn’t long before everyone knew.

    I had ultimately decided not to keep it to myself after it had gone around for a while. My family knew and my friends knew. Pretty soon, I was attending parties, only to be stared down and gossiped about (never to my face). I’d get so uncomfortable that I’d have no choice but to leave. I started telling people, to their face, after that. I would much rather people find out from me than someone else.

    The time I stated above was the worst reaction. By that point, I had become accustomed to introducing myself as a sex worker in some way. This specific night, I was drunk enough that I was introducing myself in such a manner as to say “Hi! I’m Ryden! I’m naked on the Internet.” Now, for the most part, people react positively. I find that just springing it on them before they’ve gotten the chance to hear anything else about me truly catches them off guard. They’re forced to get to know me as the person I want them to know me as, along with being a sex worker, instead of being Ryden, the sex worker. The whore. What have you.

    This night was my friends’ (who are twins, who we’ll call Amy and Anthony) birthday. We were celebrating in this abandoned house on a friend’s property. Part of the house was completely burned out from a fire, but the rest of it was restored. By this time, I was pretty drunk and a lot of people I didn’t know were showing up. Naturally, I begin to introduce myself as stated above and this guy walks up. He happens to be Amy’s boyfriend and also one of the most popular musicians in the area. I already knew this guy from hearing about him, so I didn’t necessarily feel the need to introduce myself. However, he came with friends, so I begin to introduce myself to them.

    I don’t know what this set off in the guy (we’ll call him Matt), but something about what I said or just being me in general got him angry. As I’m introducing myself, he starts in on me. “Hey yeah, I heard about you! You’re a slut!” I flinched a bit as he continued on a tirade of insults finally ending with “If you were my sister, I’d beat the shit out of you. In fact, I might anyway.” This cause a huge uproar in the large group of people, ending in Anthony almost fighting Matt. This caused Matt to back off and eventually leave the party.

    That was the first time I was ever confronted in a negative way. So many people had told me that I was such an inspiration to them, and that I was so strong and beautiful, and hence I didn’t necessarily know how to take his comments. I would laugh at them in front of everyone, though. I learned pretty quickly through an endless tirade of “kill yourself” and “I hate you” from strangers on the Internet that it’s better to keep your composure in front of others.

    Later, I would cry. I was drunk, but I knew when to be afraid. I had never felt truly threatened by someone in person before. I really didn’t know how to deal with it. It impacted me to the point where I stopped outing myself to strangers after that. On the Internet, it was one thing to be threatened, but in person it was entirely different. I didn’t know how to deal.

    Then I thought about how Anthony stuck up for me. How after that, my friends became more protective of me at parties where I knew very few people. I realized at that point that no matter what, there are always going to be people on your side. For every one jerk, there will always be ten friends who would kick that one jerk’s face in.

    I want to close this little article up by saying that being outed as a sex worker definitely isn’t for everyone. I am lucky enough to have a family that loves me unconditionally. Still, your parents might kick you out and disown you. Some of your friends might leave you behind. Still, someone will always be in your corner. Whether it’s the stranger in the coffee shop, the girl you just met at the party, or your friend on Tumblr. There will always be someone that believes in you and would stick up for you through anything.

    Feature image courtesy of Shutterstock
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  • Tips for new Sex Workers

    Tips for new Sex Workers

    You see a lot of “Advice for sex workers” posts that cover the basics of DOING sex work. Selling content, taking pictures, whatever. There are certain parts of the job I never see anyone talk about. I live by the rule that everyone should have to figure out certain things by themselves as I truly believe that you cannot develop as an individual if you don’t forge your own path without other models spoon feeding you their experiences. Some of the below tips are things I learned on my own, things that I’ve seen some models never learn.
    1. Don’t be so trusting.
    I know what you’re thinking; “But Ryden! He offered me $1000 and all I have to do is shave my head on cam first!” (This is not a lie, by the way. There was, in fact, a man going through the SW circuit conning women into shaving their heads on cam and not paying them afterwards.) You do not, under ANY circumstances, work before getting paid. Think about it for a second. You can’t go to the store, grab your groceries, and then say “oh, yeah, I can’t pay you guys for these delicious groceries until tomorrow! You can trust me!” Our work is no different. You cannot let the money seduce you. You’ve gotta keep a clear head. If your customer offers to pay you afterward, just say something along the lines of “I would feel much more comfortable if you paid me first.” If they’re actually interested in the content, they’ll be understanding and either pay you first or request that they cam/buy/whatever when they have money. That is what a respectful customer would do. If they can’t respect that, they probably didn’t have the best intentions anyway.
    2. Be nice, but know when to stick up for yourself.
    Let me tell you a little story. When I first started out, I had a really bad attitude. I was very rude to people who were just genuinely curious and didn’t know any better. I also did a lot of body shaming and said some pretty hateful things regarding other women and other models. I lost a lot of sales and dedicated customers because of this, and it’s really not cool. Many models, like I did, believe that this will show people that they are strong and will not take shit. This is not the case. It’s more likely that people will see you as intimidating and threatening (of course, this is partially acceptable for models working in certain outlets such as Dommes, but it just doesn’t work otherwise.) HOWEVER, this does not mean that you should not stick up for yourself at every given chance. If someone challenges your beliefs, you drag them right into the ground. Never EVER ignore your own personal beliefs and values to come off as nice and sweet. This is when you come off as a strong, independent babe that won’t take shit from anyone. There are times to be kind and there are times when complacency just won’t do. Know where the line is.
    3. Treat other models as you’d want them to treat you.
    We work in an industry that has enough stigma attached to it to cover the entirety of Canada. Seriously. We’re whores. We’re on drugs. We’re bitches. We’re poor. We’re rich. We’re lazy. We’re work-obsessed. We’re greedy. Anything you can think of. The absolute very last thing we need to do is put each other down. Sex work isn’t a ladder that you climb and step on other women as you attempt to reach the top. We all have to co-exist, even help and support each other. For the most part, none of us conform to that stigma. However, when you treat other models like crap in order to make yourself look better or be “funny”, you make us all look bad. You actively damage sex work as a whole.
    4. Put your health, both mental and physical, first.
    I cannot stress this point enough. I know how easy it is to get caught up in the job and let yourself get stressed. Sex work is a high-stress job, and we receive more hate than any other work force I’ve seen. Sometimes, you’ve just got to say “Is this important enough for me to stress myself out over?” The answer to that question is always no. No job is important enough to throw your mental and physical health out the window. When you feel like it gets to be a little too much, do NOT hesitate to take a day off. Run yourself a bath, read your favorite book, go on a walk, or just stay in bed and watch Netflix. You are more important and your customer base will know that and will understand. If the stress is enough where you think you can’t do the job anymore, and feel that maybe it’s time to quit, don’t feel badly if you decide to. For many, sex work isn’t a permanent job. Sometimes, you just have to know when it isn’t right for you anymore, especially when it’s affecting your health.
    While a lot of us sex workers, especially those of us on social networking, may seem intimidating, we’re all really nice and mostly willing to help (assuming you’re not asking for us to hold your hand and give you the easy way out). This stuff is never easy and you can really feel helpless sometimes. As long as you follow these, do your research, and go with your gut instinct; you’ll be just fine.”

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  • Four Points to Consider Before Joining the Sex Work Industry

    Four Points to Consider Before Joining the Sex Work Industry

    As an amateur porn model who has been very active on social media over the past 3 years, I cannot tell you how many young women (and some men) have come to me, asking me how they can become as successful as me. Of course, I just kind of laugh at their idea of successful, but hey, I’ll take flattery where I can get it. This is actually not uncommon in our little independent circuit. Girls see the job and glamourize it to hell and back. I’m here to straighten some things out and educate on some of the things that you should know before hopping into this career. Consider me your weird, rainbow haired, porn model auntie! I’m here to help!

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    1. Reconsider

    I know what you’re thinking. “But Ryden! I’m so sure of this!” No. No, you’re not. If you were, you wouldn’t be asking me. You have every reason to be unsure. It can be a scary leap, and it could very well change your life. Newbies have this ideal thought that they’re either going to be able to keep it under wraps from everyone or the people they tell are going to be loving and accepting. Unfortunately, that’s not really the case. You never know who might find you through your work and recognize you, and you never know how they’ll react. Not everyone is accepting of porn, and some people genuinely want to do harm to us. I’m a really lucky lady. I have parents, friends, and a fiancé who accept what I do for a living and love me regardless. That being said, I have received some negative reactions. I’ve had people get in my face, hit me, push me, spit on me. You name it. I’ve been under the big blame umbrella for every single one of these just because I have chosen a job that most people wouldn’t do. A lot of the popular models you see every day are estranged from their families and friends. Not everyone can be our biggest fans, and some people would rather hate us than support us. This is one of the burdens that we carry.

    I also have a lot of women who come to me and ask me if they should become a SW (sex worker) if they also want to be a doctor or a lawyer or a teacher. I always say no, unless you’re willing to risk that dream never coming true. As much as I hate to say it (and trust me, I REALLY HATE TO SAY IT) we don’t live in a 100% sex positive world. If you’re outed and SW shows up on a google search, they might not even consider you. Sometimes, identities get leaked. It doesn’t happen often, but it happens. If you’re not willing to risk your dream just for a few months/years of fun and liberating sex work, this isn’t the job for you.

    2. It ain’t easy

    With all of these incredible, awesome, absolutely lovely SWs gaining huge popularity in social media (specifically tumblr and twitter), it’s easy to see why some of you automatically assume that SW is an easy job. We’re put in the spotlight and it’s really obvious that we’ve got a lot of people who seem to worship us. The truth of the matter is; each and every one of us have clawed our way to the top. It’s hard to get the attention needed to show people “Hey boys! Look at me! I’m a stinkin cutie with a pink pixie cut!” It took me 3 years to get my footing. I still work my butt off every day, kind of literally. If you’re jumping into this work force because you’re money hungry and you think it’ll be easy, I want you to do something for me. Shut your computer (or lock your phone). Just stop. This ain’t for you. No work is easy, and SW rewards people who are hardworking, business savvy, and unique. Basically, what I’m trying to say is that sex work ain’t easy and sex workers ain’t lazy, but some of your girls who are leeching off the popular girls are starting to seem like you are.

    3. Be yourself

    By that, I mean, be the person YOU want to be. Whether it’s a reflection of your true self, or a persona that you want to be. You’ve just gotta be unique. This is something you should strive to do regardless, but I cannot tell you how valuable it is in the industry. Imagine that you’re in a huge crowd of women that are generally blurred together. A lot of them look the same, and it’s really hard to pick the unique ones out of the crowd with so many of the same girls running around. You’re trying to fight your way to the front lines to show everyone on the outside that you’re not blurred with the rest of them. Some ladies come into this with nothing to separate them from every other babe sitting in front of a live webcam, diddling themselves and hoping that someone will tip big. Those are the ladies that don’t see much money because they’ve done nothing to distinguish themselves from everyone else. Me? I kind of got popular on accident for being the “manic pixie dream girl” slash “nerdy babe” girl.

    DO NOT rip off someone else’s look in order to achieve your “unique ideal.” It sucks and it makes you look like a jerk. Being unique is noooooot stealing someone else’s unique styling and making it your own. Taking inspiration is fine (and this works with just about anything you do) but straight ripping off a look/idea/whatever isn’t cool and will NOT get you ANYWHERE in the industry. I cannot tell you how many wannabes I’ve seen cut all their hair off, get a triforce tattoo, and start selling the exaaaaact same content as me. Just don’t do it.

    4. Do it for the right reasons

    I’ve watched this industry chew people up, and spit them out. Drained, tired, and sexually changed forever; these people just weren’t right for it. Sex work isn’t for everyone. This is a harsh reality that many SWs will not face. You’ve gotta have a love for sex. Like, a deep love for sex. You’ve also gotta understand that there’s nothing wrong with being sexually open, out there, and possibly on display. It’s a really empowering feeling, but only if you allow it to be. You have to look at the pictures and the videos and say “Hell yeah, look how sexy I am!” You’ve gotta stick to that positivity. Don’t ever let it chew you up. Hell, don’t even let it put you in its mouth. Love sex. Love everything you do, even if it isn’t ideal for you sexually. Find the fun in your work, or else you’ll end up in tears. Hating the job, hating yourself; don’t let it get to you.

    In closing, I want to say that most of the stuff I’ve stated above probably sounds WAY more frightening than I intended it to, but being truthful and upfront about these facts are the only way to get the point across that sex work is serious business (or, at least, most of the time. I can recall a few times during my cam girl days where I became the almighty dildo unicorn.) Myself, and pretty much any other SW I’ve ever met, love nothing more than seeing other babes being sex-positive and unique in this industry. No one likes to see ladies fail, but that’s just where some of them end up.

    Most of all; be smart, be unique, be kind, and love yourself. That’s the best you can do.

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    Images courtesy of Ryden Armani
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