SimplySxy

Author: Stephen Descartes

  • Singaporeans and sex – are they or aren’t they??

    Singaporeans aren’t having much sex. No two ways around this – all research done on this topic points towards this conclusion.

    Going back a little bit into history to the 2003 Durex Global Sex Survey, Singapore had the lowest sexual frequency in the world, with Singaporeans having sex 96 times a year, with the next two lowest countries being Malaysia (100/yr) and Sweden (102/yr). In the 2005, Singapore’s figure was 73 times a year, with 58% of those surveyed unhappy about their sex lives. Last year, a Straits Times survey found that this sexual frequency had been reduced to an average of 5 times per month – roughly equated to 60 times annually. The respondents were also asked what their ideal frequency was (8 times/month).

    Some conclusions can definitely be gathered from these various surveys. Although the parameters around each were different, common themes that come out are that

    1. Singaporean’s aren’t having much sex (and the frequency keeps dropping); and
    2. Singaporeans aren’t satisfied with their sex life (or lack thereof) and want more sex.

    Two thoughts stem from these results. First of is why this is so. Why are Singaporeans having so little sex? Why are so many Singaporeans unhappy with their sex lives? Is it a given that these two questions are interlinked, or could they be separate? I’ll think on this, and hopefully you guys reading think on this, and perhaps we’ll deal with this in a separate article.

    This is the second thought arising from the results – is this really true? Are Singaporeans really having so little sex? From the multiple surveys cited earlier, it does seem so. But let’s look at some other evidence (these are just the more prominent ones that I can think of).

    1. The underage prostitute and the 51 very rich and powerful men implicated in the saga
    2. Underage Vietnamese prostitutes – I think 9 men were charged for this
    3. Sex for Contracts scandals with top Civil Servant(s) involved
    4. Sex for Grades with a University Law Professor
    5. Multiple cases between teachers and students (don’t we all fantasize about a teacher we had)
    6. Psychiatrist with a married patient

    These are all cases from the news. In the course of my professional and personal life, I’ve also come across many people whom I know to be having sex outside their relationships. Therefore it does seem that there’s lots of raunchy stuff going on in Singapore – just not with partners/ spouses.

    There are many reasons to explain this, if it is indeed the case.

    At this point, let me just say that being morally ambiguous, I make no judgements, nor am I in any position to do so. If I could posit a theory as to why this is so, perhaps it’s because relationships become stale, or specifically, that sex in a relationship becomes stale. I truly believe that couples need to make effort to spice things up in the bedroom in order to rediscover themselves, each other and push the boundaries of what they think they’re comfortable with. Break routines (don’t do the ‘Saturday is bonk-day’ thing), be spontaneous. Try new places, new positions, and you know what – new toys. I truly truly believe that they key to a better sex life is experimentation and adventure – whether or not you’re in a relationship or not. But please, please – remember safe sex, an unwanted pregnancy or a STI really ain’t no fun.

  • Ashley Madison—The Infidelity Juggernaut Comes to Asia

    Ashley Madison—The Infidelity Juggernaut Comes to Asia

    The online dating site Ashleymadison.com made headlines recently due to the launch of its website for the first time in Asia. The website focusing on infidelity (it’s slogan is ‘Life is short. Have an affair’) was launched in 2001 and its response since then has been overwhelming – the site has since expanded to almost 30 countries worldwide, with a membership approaching 20 million and receiving 1.8 million unique hits per month.

    It seems that the appetite for infidelity is insatiable apparently. In June, the company launched its Japan site – the first in Asia – and its Hong Kong site last month. Since the launch, Japanese membership has reached half a million, with Hong Kong hitting 80,000 members since launch, making it the “most successful launch rate per capita, showing a ‘massive pent up demand’” According to Noel Biderman, the company’s CEO, the site plans to expand to 10 or 11 more markets in Asia as well.

    Of course, a site such as this has come under plenty of criticism since its launch. Its success debunks any notion that there is no demand though. Biderman has stated in many interviews that human beings will cheat anyway – all he provides is a platform for them to do it, stating that no one without the intention to cheat would sign up for membership.

    Well on that point I have to say I both agree and disagree. I agree because there is an inherent sense of morality that society places on its members. This stems from sources such as religion, and perhaps Confucian ideals as well in the Asian context. The need to maintain this level of morality in society has led to everyone from commentators to religious and political figures condemning ‘immorality’ and lamenting the moral decay of society. It is this expectation of morality which has led to a succession of ads and sponsorships offered by Ashley Madison being rejected. For example, the Toronto Transit Commission rejected $200,000 worth of advertising on its streetcars, with its commissioner stating that ‘When it’s a core fundamental value around cheating or lying, we’re not going to let those kinds of ads go on’.

    That said, my points of disagreement stem from me admitting that I subscribe to the Hobbesian theory on the state of nature, whereby life is of course ‘nasty, brutish and short’. What Hobbes meant was that humans, if left to their solitary devices, would fall back into their base states of brutishness and misery if there were no regulations and order provided by a central authority. Therefore to me, people would run wild (have affairs, commit crimes etc) if there were no barriers to doing so. Morality has no place in this. The key here is opportunity. As long as there are opportunities provided, humans will revert to their base states of nature and in this context – cheat.

    That’s it, just found some interesting articles on a topic which I’m sure is close to everyone’s heart (let’s face it – who in a relationship here hasn’t fantasised on someone else), and wanted to share my thoughts on it. I can at least say for certain that Ashley Madison won’t be coming to Singapore any time soon. Fortunately or unfortunately, that’s for you readers to think on and decide.