Category: LGBTQ

Gendering Outside the Lines (Part 2)

Read Part I here

Some of the terms I used in my introduction to describe my gender identity and gender discovery journey are likely unfamiliar to you. Here’s a quick vocab lesson to go with my first post:

Assigned Female at Birth (AFAB), also Assigned Male at Birth (AMAB): these terms acknowledge that the gender that ends up on your birth certificate is determined based on external examination of your genitals and assigned by someone other than the person being born. That assigned gender may or may not correspond to the gender identity that person eventually recognizes for themselves. So, in my case, when I was born, everyone in the room (other than me) took a look and decided I was female.

Transmasculine is a term used to describe people who are AFAB and identify as masculine in some way and/or are masculine in appearance. Genderqueer is a term some people use to describe identities that are not male or female, but perhaps a combination of them or transcending them entirely. I use genderqueer as a shortcut to describe my gender identity which is a combination of male and female, though I do not specifically identify as either.

Because I’m genderqueer, you can also say that I don’t identify with the gender binary. Another term you might have seen is ‘trans*’. This is a term some people use to broadly describe people who identify as transgender, transsexual or other gender non-conforming identities. I sometimes describe myself as a trans* genderqueer butch. Be aware that in some circles, this is a controversial term, however it is one I use to describe myself and other nonbinary identified people.

‘Non-binary’ is another term we should explore and we’ll do that by first talking about what binary means. A binary system is one with two choices, like on/off or black/white. When we talk about the gender binary, we’re talking about male and female being the only two terms we have when describing gender. For most of my life, I didn’t question that system or the limitations it imposed. Our culture uses the gender binary to define what roles, characteristics and appearances are acceptable for everyone based on their perceived gender. When I identified as a butch female, I was gender non-conforming. That means I wasn’t playing by the rules for being a female in American culture. I didn’t wear dresses, or keep my hair long and feminine. I embraced masculinity and put me outside the gender norms. Even as I chafed at the limitations assigned my gender, I still didn’t question the binary itself.

Sit for a moment and imagine living outside that binary, imagine not being constrained by male and female. Can you do it? Can you think of a time when you didn’t feel intrinsically male or female? Even for people who are trans* identified, it can be a challenge. Most people relate to the gender binary in a positive way, for example trans women who identify as female or trans men who identify as male. But I am becoming more and more aware of people like me who occupy that gray area in between (or maybe outside) the binary.

I first discovered this gray area through blogs and essays and eventually met some nonbinary people in person. I had a growing realization that this way of seeing gender, outside the restrictions of the binary, resonated with my internal vision of myself. I began to identify as genderqueer and tell people about the way gender intersected in me. The ongoing challenge is that it is really hard to explain not being male or female to binary identified people. Typical reactions are confusion, disbelief, even mockery – maybe you can relate to one of those.

This being my first post here, I don’t want to go on and on, better to leave something for the next time. In my next installment, I will address a couple more things I spoke about in the second paragraph – my pronouns, name change, testosterone and how that reconciles with not being male.

If you have questions for me on the topics I’ve raised here or questions you hope I’ll address in future posts, please leave them for me in a comment. You can also find more on these topics (and more) on my blog, Butchtastic.

Image courtesy of Photobucket
Have an amazing experience or tips you like to share on SimplySxy?
Drop us an email at editorial@SimplySxy.com!

April 12, 2015
Gendering Outside the Lines (Part 1)

I was invited to contribute to this site and share my trans* perspective on sexuality and gender. To be perfectly clear, I am only qualified to speak from my own perspective and though my viewpoint will sometimes overlap with that of other people, there are times when it will not.

Since I’m new here, I’d like to take a moment to introduce myself. I am a 51 year old transmasculine genderqueer who was assigned female at birth, uses he/him/his pronouns and is taking testosterone (T) to better align my physical body with my gender identity. I recently completed a legal name change to a typically male name which is similar to my birth name. Though I identify as trans* and masculine, I do not identify as male.

I started taking T last year after a lifetime of not really fitting into my expected role as a female. Even as a masculine lesbian female – dyke, queer, butch – there was something that didn’t work for me, like a pair of underwear that rode up in the wrong places and also felt too loose. Yeah, it was that uncomfortable. Over the years, I watched as some of the other butches I knew chose transition from female to male, becoming trans men. I pondered their choice and thought about my own discomfort in being female, but something held me back.

That something was the fact that though I do not identify as female, I also don’t identify fully as male. Combine that with my assumption that only male identified people went through transition and I was at a stalemate. Years went by as I learned more and more about gender identification and how complex it was. I hadn’t put my own situation into words, because the idea of not being female but also not being male wouldn’t fit into my head any better than a square peg in a round hole. You may be feeling similarly at this point, how does a person not feel either female or male, what else is there?

I didn’t know it for many years, but I was on a quest to find the words to describe my sense of gender. The main problem was that the words didn’t exist yet. The words ‘genderqueer’ and ‘non-binary’ were outside my knowledge until about five or six years ago, and they hadn’t been in common usage much before that. When I came across the definition of genderqueer, I felt like my brain suddenly expanded like a giant sponge animal dipped in water. All of a sudden, there was more room in the world, more reality to explore and occupy. The thing I’d been chasing, my own personal golden chalice, had a name, it existed in the way that it hadn’t before because now I had a word for it, and a new understanding about gender.

I’ve thrown a lot of terms in the preceding paragraphs that may be unfamiliar to you. You aren’t alone, I’ve had countless conversations with people over the last several years about the terminology used to describe gender identity and those conversations started with me being very ignorant.

Read part 2 here

Image courtesy of Photobucket
Have an amazing experience or tips you like to share on SimplySxy?
Drop us an email at editorial@SimplySxy.com!

April 12, 2015
Gay Circuit Party Day 2: NEON

The party continues…..

Image courtesy of gCircuit
Have an amazing experience or tips you like to share on SimplySxy? Drop us an email at editorial@SimplySxy.com!

April 12, 2015
Gay Circuit Party Day 1: WICKED

The Biggest Gay Circuit Party, SongKran9, in Asia has begun. There are some of the highlights of yesterday’s WICKED party.

Image courtesy of gCircuit
Have an amazing experience or tips you like to share on SimplySxy? Drop us an email at editorial@SimplySxy.com!

April 11, 2015
When I came out to my brother

When I was in the closet for the majority of my teenage years, I was consumed with thoughts about my sexual orientation. It controlled my mind like a disease. I would think about it while conversing with others, while driving, at work and school, while watching TV, during dinner, while lying in bed at night…you get the picture. Furthermore, I always thought my family knew I was gay or had a suspicion. I was so paranoid that I even convinced myself that they talked about it amongst themselves behind my back.

How desperate was I to be heterosexual? When I blew out my candles on my 17th and 18th birthday, I wished to be straight. That’s how much I hated the thought of being different. I wanted nothing more than to just fit in and be like all my other friends and family. God had different plans for me though.

My life changed forever in the Summer of 2010. My older brother Ross, who lived in Arizona at the time, happened to be in Florida for a week on business. His impending presence filled me with terror because I made the most mature decision of my life, being that he would be the first person I would come out to and I would do it sometime that week. My brother is eight years older than I am, so growing up I never really had a relationship with him, since he left for college when I was in elementary school. I knew confining and coming out to him would bring us closer and it would unite us with a special bond.

Before I knew it, his week at home had come to an end and I still hadn’t come out to him. The night before his departure, he joined me in the TV room and laid on the couch, across from where I was perched in the lazy boy, practically shaking with fear. My parents had already gone to sleep and I knew this was my last opportunity to come out to him.

My breathing became shallow and my mind started racing as the thought of telling another person my deepest, darkest secret became very real. We watched TV in silence and eventually, he got up from the sofa, said good night and started walking to his bedroom. As he passed me, I stopped him and confessed that I had to tell him something important, outside. He gave me a perplexed look and than walked to his room to get his shoes.

I walked to the front door and my heart was pounding out of my chest. My hands were beginning to sweat and I really thought I was going to faint right than and there. As we walked down the front entrance way and onto the driveway, I kept thinking “am I really going to tell him, am I really going to tell him!?”

Before I could muster up the courage to start talking, Ross broke the silence and asked, “did you get a chick pregnant??” I looked up at him and said “hypothetically speaking, if I died tomorrow and there was one thing you wanted to know about me, what would it be?” “I don’t know man, nothing” he replied, blank-faced and confused by my question. I held back the tears and released the secret that kept me prisoner to my own mind for far too long. For the first time in my life, I admitted to liking guys.

A surprised “WHAT?!”, followed by immediate support and reassurance that my brother still loved me, was the best reaction I could have asked for. We talked outside for two hours that night and Ross asked me all sorts of questions, processing all the information and validating that everything was going to be okay. The best part is, he was right. I went to bed that night with the most unfathomable amount of mental and emotional weight lifted off my shoulders. My soul felt liberated. Coming out was the scariest, most emotional and vulnerable moment of my life, but it was also the most life-changing, courageous and rewarding.

No matter how isolated you may feel in the closet, how broken your heart may be or how dark life may seem, never let go of hope. There is light at the end of the tunnel. Over the last few years, I’ve come to the realization that being different is beautiful and I didn’t choose to be gay, I just got lucky.

This article has been republished with permission from Jeremy Mannino.

Please visit Jeremy’s website to view the original post and more of Jeremy’s works.

Featured image courtesy of Shutterstock
Have an amazing experience or tips you like to share on SimplySxy?
Drop us an email at editorial@SimplySxy.com!

April 9, 2015
GoGo Bo(y)nanza

GoGo boys are mythical creatures in the Queer Kingdom. You will find they that exist in different forms in different regions. In the West, GoGo boys are dancers who are employed to entertain crowds especially in clubs. This began in the 60s and was made popular by musical variety series like Hullabaloo by NBC and Shindig by ABC. However, in Asia the term GoGo boys is synonymous with the sex trade. This was an unfortunate byproduct of the Vietnam War. This week we will have many top Asian GoGo dancers that will be performing for Songkran9 and hopefully, this will help to restore the GoGo boys name to its original glory.

Leading the charge is SongKran9 brand ambassador Peter Le. Peter used to go to the clubs in San Francisco and LA with his friends and they would always pull him up on stage to dance with them. He started to fall in love with being up on the stage. Before he knew it, he was performing as a dancer too. Peter feels that GoGo dancing requires a lot of stamina and confidence. You will have to put a lot of effort to be able to keep your energy level pumping all night long. With many eyes on you, one better be confident about showing off his body for the crowd.

Next, we have Titan who had his first performance during the Heaven party, Shanghai. Initially, he was working as public relation practitioner and stage designer. However, the party planner found that he had the potential to be a GoGo Dancer. Hence, he was invited to join the show even though he was inexperience at that point in time. Titan feels that in order to maintain a good body, one must have the knowledge of physiology and nutrition. These are important for setting up a proper training program and diet program. An experienced fitness instructor can also help you to reach good results with half the effort but Titan feels that passion and constancy are the crucial points at the end of the day.

Finally, we have Sky. Sky was invited by a party organizer in Japan as a GoGo dancer about 6 years ago after his photoshoot for the cover of Badi Magazine. Many of the challenges Sky face in this line of work are related to prejudice against GoGo boys. This is due to cultural differences and the lack of understanding of the nature of their job. Even though being a GoGo dancer is Sky’s sideline work, he has encountered a lot of unreasonable criticism on the internet. Fortunately, the erotic stereotype of GoGo boys is changing through the years because more people now have opportunities to know them through international parties such as SongKran9.

However, there is still more work to be done as many still face harsh criticisms and harassment. More than just a pretty face, the GoGo boy is key to making a party go wild. GoGo boys believe that the eyes are the windows of the soul that will draw one into the crowd and make one immerse in the sensation of the party. With a touch and a kiss, the party heats up as the music unite the crowd and performers together in a night of ecstasy.

Image courtesy of gCircuit
Have an amazing experience or tips you like to share on SimplySxy? Drop us an email at editorial@SimplySxy.com!

April 7, 2015
God’s Punishing Us: Isn’t He?

In 1995 a momentous event occurred. Pride. Gay Pride, London. This momentous event had happened many times before – to other people – but for me it was my first Gay Pride ever and I will forever remember it. To tell you why I will forever remember it I need to tell you the story….. the story of my first Gay Pride (and there is a reason I am repeating these positive statements)…

I am from a small town in the county of Cheshire in England. Cheshire is nice as it goes with rolling hills and flat fields filled with cattle, sheep and rape: yellow flowers that cover the ground like colourful kisses. The down side of this particular part of Cheshire (which I won’t name) is that they suffer an incurable condition called ‘Small Town Mentality’. I was beaten up on a regular basis by the local schoolyard bullies and terrified yobs taking their own internalised homophobia out on me, a camp-as-tits-faggot (I can use that term – I am one). It was a hell-hole for a sexually confused gay guy who didn’t really know fully that he was gay.

And when I say ‘he’ I of course mean me. Anyhows….

Fast forward from the schoolyard and into my 21^st year on planet gay. I was still living in the small town in Cheshire but regularly travelled to Liverpool, Manchester and London. The morning of Gay Pride 1995 arrived and as my friends and I travelled on the train from a suburb of London into the main stations on the tube line something started to happen. The tube and the stations started to fill with people that I can only describe as – Homos. Everyone, it seemed, were as ‘bent as a three bob note’ as my Gran used to say. I started to feel like I belonged. The commuters seemed unfazed by this chorus of ‘We’re here, we’re queer, get used to it! … We’re here, we’re queer, get over it!’ and I started to cry. I sit in between my two female friends, Sandra and Stephanie, and with all three of us being from this small town in Cheshire, we become overwhelmed by this, this, this – love.

Love on the underground. Love and acceptance on the tube. Love and respect in London. In London, at Gay Pride, in 1995 – love.

I can’t tell you enough or scream it in sufficient decibels to let you know that on that day, in that hour and during that minute just sitting on the tube – just how loved I felt. Loved by gays parading up and down the tube car blowing their whistles and flouncing their feather boas. The lesbians chanting ‘We love Pride!’, the Trannies pouting and the commuters, well, being commuters. A surreal culture shock as the train took us at break-neck speed from small town mentality to how life was supposed to be.

Then something happened.

As we disembarked the train and joined the thousands of revellers on the steep stairways that led up to street level, this immense feeling within was indescribable. It grew beyond my body and showed me how life is when you are loved and respected. We climbed the steps and entered the party at I think King’s Cross tube station. My friends and I stood aside the crowds for a while, three frightened fishes out of suburbia, catching our breath.

And then it rained.

As the rain hit my face I could see, simultaneously the light and colour of the gay parade that was all around us by this point and the grey sky above that threw the tears of God to Earth.

My first thought was:

‘God’s punishing us’.

I want you to really feel that: God is punishing us.

This happened twenty years ago and I am crying recalling this now. The tears drip from my cheeks and onto the keyboard as I re-connect with those feelings – That God hates us. Does He?

Do you see how strong this conditioning is? Can you relate to just how intense ‘internalised homophobia’ can be and how long it can last for? Let me flip that on its head…. I’m good at that:

God is NOT punishing us. God is NOT punishing you, dear reader, dearest friend:

GOD LOVES YOU (whoever you are and however you imagine God/Divine/Higher Being to be).

Why, for the love of God – was my first thought ‘God’s punishing us’ when it began to rain, quite literally, on the parade? I will tell you why:

Because I was raised in a very strict Church of England household and I was taught, repeatedly over the years – that being Gay is BAD.

This process of repeated learning (I just made a phrase up, roll with it) can have devastating results.

Another word for ‘repeated learning’ is – Brainwashing. A further word is: Conditioning. You can make it a two word special if you like – Conditioned Bullshit.

How deeply saddening that this delicate 21 year old after finally discovering his community, his true identity – had to be cruelly ripped from the hands of his saviours (Gay Pride) and torn to shreds by his Saviour (God).

Of course this is not the case, not at all. God loves everyone – everyone. It really is as simple as that and I am not even going to commit another word to it except to say…

For every negative thought you have about yourself – whether it be related to Religion or not (and if it’s negative it will probably be connected to your Religious conditioning in some way…) – I want you to do this for me:

Say TEN positive things about yourself.

Do it. Do it now: ‘I am a human being of dignity and worth’ ‘I love who I am’ ‘I am worthy’ ‘I am visible’ ‘I matter’ ‘I exist’ ‘I love therefore I am’ ‘I am special’ … ‘#EnterYourFabulousStatementHere#’ ‘#KeepGoingUntilYouReachTEN!#’

My God people, my dear dear readers and you lovely poofs, dykes, Trannies, faggots and everyone in-between – I Love you. So Much. I hope you can feel it.

Matt xXx

Image courtesy of Shutterstock
Have an amazing experience or tips you like to share on SimplySxy? Drop us an email at editorial@SimplySxy.com!

April 5, 2015
Gay and Religion: They don’t want to speak with me

According to Strommen (1989) there are two common reactions that parents feel when they find out that their child is gay. The first is that, since most parents are unfamiliar with homosexuality, they have negative perception of it. And the second is the feeling that they as parents has failed with their child’s education.

These two reactions cause parents to feel embarrassed over their child’s sexuality. Rothman and Weinstein (1996) said that when a family member comes out (of any kind) there are a multitude of responses. Take for example, the announcement of an engagement of a heterosexual person. This is usually met with a joyous response, a ritual party and many gifts. The lesbian and gay man does not receive this response. Instead, the coming out announcement is often met with negative responses which can range from mild disapproval to complete non-acceptance and disassociation. These responses, though usually excepted, cause considerable stress and pain for the lesbian and gay person that is seeking parental approval.

The Rejection

The rejection has a greater impact when it occurs in families with strong religious convictions. Blumenfeld and Raymond (1988) argued that families with strong religious convictions often support their own views of religion even if its against a family member. Some gays who have a family background with strong religious convictions would normally not come out to the family as they fear that a confession will be used like a boomerang; weapon that will swing back to hurt them. Thus the real threat for lesbians and gays is from their family as the rejection has a great influence over their behavioral and psychological state. The family, in fact, is the most repressive institution in running cultural values of the gender belief system; the stereotyping system of the roles of gender.

“They don’t want to speak with me”

“… (Crying in front of me) … My parents didn’t want to have a gay child so they stop our relationship. But I still in contact with my sisters. I love them … love very much … I send them some euros and asking them about the condition of my parents. … they don’t want to speak with me … One day, one of my sister want to send me some money, but I said « no », I am their brother, so it is my responsibility to take care of them. I have four sisters … One of them act like my parents. She is fanatic with Islam … I want to talk with her, but it’s impossible … (Crying) … I miss them …’’ (I, 40 years old)

The story began when his parents passed away 7 years ago. Even until then, his parents still did not accept that he is gay. A few days after his parents had passed away, he came out to his four little sisters but one of them (the youngest one) did not accept him as a gay. Until now the youngest does not want to admit that she has a gay brother. The family has a strong religious background: his father worked in an Islamic institution and his mother is a typical Indonesian housewife. They have perform pilgrimage many times. They sent their children to Islamic school and all their daughters wear the hijab. Even though he studied in an Islamic school, his thinking was quite liberal. He told me that being gay is not anyone’s fault. No one who wants to be born as a gay he says.

He is one of my respondent for my PhD research. He had to learn to deal and negotiate his life with his gay identity and at the same time come to terms with his religion and respecting his family Islamic ideology. Living with a religious family, in this case a very conservative Muslim family, was very hard. He was forced to affirm his parent’s request to terminate their relationship of parent and child. He sacrifices his life and moved abroad. However, he still does not know if he could accept his parents request to be conservative Islam follower.

This makes me reflect on how lucky I am as I have three sisters who is still willing to acknowledge me as a brother. I feel devastated that he is gay and have to struggle with religion and societal norms. Being gay, for him, is not wrong but this is not necessarily true for others.

Image courtesy of Shutterstock
Have an amazing experience or tips you like to share on SimplySxy? Drop us an email at editorial@SimplySxy.com!

April 5, 2015
10 Things to do to get ready for SongKran9 Pool Party

SongKran9 Pool Party is one of the craziest party in town. It is one of first circuit parties to sell out, so if you do not have a ticket by now, try your luck next year. For those lucky few, the excitement is just around the corner and it is time to pack. To make sure that you are ready for the pool party, we have come up with a list to help you get ready for the event.

1. Sunblock

One of the hottest pool party in town is happening during one of the hottest time of the year, so sunblock is essential. Banana boat and Nieve sunblocks are very common and can be found in the many Watson and Boots located in every corner of Bangkok. For those that do not have check- in luggage when traveling to the city, you can easily get one for as cheap as 500thb. Remember: we want to get wet, not burnt.

2. What to Wear

Packing is really troublesome when you do not know what to wear. This is especially true when it is your first trip to Bangkok. My suggestion is to pack light. Bring tank tops and shorts as it is very hot in Thailand during this time of the year. You don’t need to bring too much as I’m sure you will do a lot of shopping there. As for footwear, I usually just wear slippers/flip flops in the day. However, when I go to the clubs at night, I prefer to wear shoes. Bring shoes you do not mind getting dirty as clubbing in Bangkok can be pretty wild. Also remember that it is Song Kran the water festival and you will definitely get wet just walking down the streets. So just mentality prepare yourself.

3. Swimwear

Well, it is a pool party so swimwear should have its own point. Finding the right swimwear in terms of the perfect fit or design can be a hassle. Personally, I feel that most swimwear in the market can be pretty conservative in terms of design and colour. Recently, a friend introduce me to the brand CA-RIO-CA. I feel that their designs are pretty slick and the cutting accentuate one’s assets. They have a range of cuts from traditional to bikini and a range of colours and patterns; both exciting and conservative. If nothing else suits your taste, just check out their site for hot Latino men in their sexy trunks.

4. To wax or not to wax

This is a very good question and I guess this is a matter of preference. I usually prefer guys who are natural. However, trimming is important as usually long hair tends to be unkempt. I’m not into shaving as it makes the skin prickle and itchy. As for waxing, I will give the same advice my beautician gives me: do it a week or two before your trip so that your skin is not so raw and make sure you exfoliate to prevent ingrown hairs.

5. The Music

What really gets me pumped up for a trip is listening to music leading up to the event. Be it Kylie Minogue or Lady Gaga, a good club mix really is essential. Thanks to soundcloud, we get to sample the music dished out by the four DJs prior to the pool party (do check out the below links)For the Big Wash party, the line-up is have DJ Spectrum K who is from Thailand but regularly tours Asia (from Beijing to Tokyo to Kuala Lumpur) and DJ Javy who is the resident DJ of Icon Angel Shanghai. For the Wash party, the line-up is DJ Jay Santos who is from Manila and current based in San Francisco and also Thai DJ Preeda Tony who spins in both Bangkok and Singapore. The line-up is a great blend of seasoned Asian DJs.

6. Getting around

Since the pool party is sold out, you will expect a huge turnout. It is important to be early for the party and getting around in Bangkok can be a problem due to heavy traffic. So my preferred mode of transport is always the BTS or the MRT. If you are heading out to the Big Wash party at Radisson Blu Plaza Bangkok Hotel, you can take the BTS to Asoke station or the MRT to Sukhumvit, followed by a 5 mins walk over to the hotel. It’s along the BTS tracks heading towards Phrom Phong BTS. For those who are more familiar with landmarks, it’s just off Terminal 21 Shopping Mall. As for the Wash party at Sofitel So Bangkok, it’s just off Si Lom which is where a lot of PLUs usually stay during trips to Bangkok. So it should be walking distance for most. If you are not staying in the area, then the nearest train station is Lumphini MRT.

7. Security

You can never be too safe when traveling overseas. This is especially at a party when we simply want to let our hair down and not worry about losing your things. We want to mingle and meet new people, have a splash of a time and not worry about your belongings. Luckily, SongKran9 pool parties have a coat check where you can leave your bags. Personally I would carry light, bring just the important stuff wallet, handphone and a light change of clothes. I would also share a common bag with my friends for our belonging and place it with the coat check.

8. Eating

Both the restaurants and street food in Thailand are awesome. Chances are that when you get there, you will not be able to stop eating, but pace yourself. However, do keep in mind that just like going for a swim, make sure you do not eat too heavy before going to the party. In addition, do not go with an empty stomach if you intend to have alcohol at the party. Since the party begins at 1pm, I would have a brunch at about 11am. I feel that this is enough to sustain myself until the end.

9. Firming up

Time to firm up. Well this is slightly different then toning up. Being tone is about hitting the gym to do weights to get the muscles nice and lean. Who does not like a muscular body? However, from my experience, just because your body bigger does not mean it’s less attractive. As a men would like to touch anything firm. Anything firm … From a strong grip to a beer belly, anything can just be as sexy if it’s firm to the touch—makes you feel safe and feel protected. And who doesn’t like a strong man?

10. Let’s get topless

The previous point is does sound a bit controversial. However, I hope I can drive home the point with this stand. Let’s put an end to body shaming and a pool party is a perfect place to begin. For those who are still body conscious, start by walking around at home topless. And for those who are still in winter, make a trip to an onsen. The point is to get yourself mentality prepared to go topless for the Songkran9’s pool party. I still remember the first time I went topless in a club in Bangkok: My friends and I were so reluctant to take out tops off. However, everyone in the club was topless and having fun, so we threw inhibitions aside and finally did it. It was liberating.

Check out the DJ’s who will be at Songkran9 this year: http://simplysxy.com/articles/2015/03/21/the-gay-asian-djs/

https://soundcloud.com/dj-spectrum-k

https://soundcloud.com/djpreedatony

Image courtesy of Shutterstock and gCircuit.
Have an amazing experience or tips you like to share on SimplySxy? Drop us an email at editorial@SimplySxy.com!

April 2, 2015
Mainland China, Family and Marriage (Mock Up)

Marriage is an established institution pervasive in every culture, not even barring Chinese one. Tracking down its history, I notice that Confucianism plays a crucial role in influencing marriage choices, which leads to a focus of the social unit “family”. One may also have heard the proverb jia-he-wan-shi-xing (家和万事兴). It reads: a harmonious family results in success in everything. This core value that derives from Confucianism is dominant in Chinese culture including marriage. Alluding to the word “marriage”, I would like to explicate singly into heterosexual and homosexual cases, along with a brief background of heteronormative marriage in Chinese culture at the beginning.

Historically, marriage is based on heteronormativity; that is, the basic institution of man and woman. The representation of Confucianism, in the philosophy Yin-Yang (阴阳), validates this conceptualization. Yin (阴)represents woman/femininity; Yang (阳)man/masculinity. In today’s Chinese society, when a man or a woman comes of age, marriage symbolizes success in one’s life. The proverb cheng-jia-li-ye (成家立业), which means “ marry and have a secure career”, substantiates this value. What is interesting, there are some crucial elements to actually manipulate such a marriage. It can also be said, children themselves have no one hundred percent freedom; some cultural values often intervene.

The Chinese family prioritizes harmony. The word “harmony” in this context designates “filial piety”. It is always the parents who are most influential in the partner-choosing process. Li (2013:71) noted, children’s marriage is part of the parents’ life as well. I further observed parents always prioritize well-to-do prospective spouses. It does not really come as a surprise. Li affirmed, first comes money and then love (72). This phenomenon is considered a normal case to every single socio-economic landscape. Capitalism has been transforming our universal social values to focus on wealth. With regards to marriage, the spouse-to-be would be considered as a materialistic object. Love then remains marginalized as such.

As for homosexual cases in marriage, there is not much difference between the social factors of “money” and “parental force”. The difference is the fact that in Chinese society, regardless of sexuality, children are expected to marry and have heteronormative marriages. In this case, parental force is significantly authoritative. As known, a substantial number of gay couples seek co-operative marriages and many decide to leave their hometown and their family to live on their own home with their same-sex partner(s). It is, nevertheless, not all pessimistic. Some parents, albeit still minority of the Chinese families, celebrate sexual diversity of gay children as seen in the documentary film “Mama Rainbow” (dir. Fan Popo, 2012).

All in all, mechanism of marriage and family in mainland China is too deep into the Sino-philosophical principle “Confucianism”, for preference philosophy Yin-Yang. This core value is driven by capitalism, leading the culture into the materialistic juncture. While both“Confucianism” and “capitalism” are promoted by the government, the Chinese Communist Party. As Jackoben (2002) noted, “family values may be emphasized by states as a response to the perceived determining of family structure by capitalism”.

I may end this issue here and next issue will be of more clarification of the ways in which the CCP have been manipulating the said factors. Happy reading!!! 🙂

List of References

Jacobean, Janet (2002) “Can Homosexuals End Western Civilization as We Know? Queer Globalization: Citizenship and the Afterlife of Colonialism. Arnaldo Cruz-Malate and Martin F.Manalansan IV.eds. 49-70 New York and London:New York University Press.

Li, Yinhe (2013) “Money or Love Comes First?” Li Yinhe: My Social Investigation. Beijing: Zhonghuagongshang Press, 71-72.

Image courtesy of Shutterstock
Have an amazing experience or tips you like to share on SimplySxy? Drop us an email at editorial@SimplySxy.com!

March 30, 2015