Category: LGBTQ

A Sex Positive Asexual

Before I started watching the BBC cult hit Torchwood, well-meaning friends and acquaintances told me I wouldn’t like it because there’s a lot of flirting, innuendo and sexual activity. You see, I am asexual, so my friends assumed that meant I was uncomfortable with the idea of characters who were comfortable with themselves as sexual beings.

My friends were wrong on both counts. Torchwood not only became one of my favorite shows, but was also instrumental in helping me figure out my gender identity. I was never uncomfortable or upset with the sex in the show. If anything, I was a little jealous because even though I believe sexuality is a beautiful part of humanity, I don’t experience sexual attraction the same way most people do.

From a young age, I felt something was different about me. In first grade, the other children were discussing who they had crushes on. I didn’t have a crush on anyone and didn’t know what a crush felt like. So I looked around the room at all the boys (this was before I realized anything about who I was and assumed I was supposed to be a girl and supposed to have crushes on boys), chose one I had things in common with and decided I had a crush on him. While the girls around me were giggling about how cute their crushes were, I was whispering the boy’s name and reminding myself that I was supposed to have a crush on him. I felt nothing different for him than for anyone else in my class.

As I got older and people began dating, my feelings didn’t change all that much. The only difference between me as an adult and me as a six-year-old was that sometimes I would think a guy was cute or a girl was gorgeous, but those feelings felt like they were floating in a vacuum. I noticed other people’s attractiveness the same way I noticed what color shirt they were wearing; it didn’t inspire any particular feeling in me.

What did inspire feelings in me were people’s personalities. Sometimes I would meet someone and I would feel like I HAD to get to know them better. I thought I was just pathologically shy because every time I felt this way, it was hard for me to carry on a conversation with the person. I’d be afraid they wouldn’t like me or not want to get to know me and more often than not, I wouldn’t talk to them at all and never had the opportunity to find out if we could be friends. Today, I know that that’s what my crushes feel like: a deep desire to be best friends with someone, to share everything about me, to learn everything about him or her, to spend time together.

That isn’t a judgment about sex. It isn’t a belief that sex is somehow dirty or wrong. It isn’t a belief that there’s something wrong with people who have high sex drives or talk about sex or engage in sex regularly. It’s just the way it is for me.

I don’t know why people think that being asexual means thinking sex is bad. After all, people don’t think that gay people are saying that sex with members of the opposite sex is bad simply because they don’t have any desire to engage in it. Similarly, I generally don’t experience sexual attraction to anyone.

I think asexuality has a strong place in the sex positivity movement. Sex positivity is about celebrating sexual diversity, supporting each other’s sexuality, accepting others’ rights to their own sexual desires even if they aren’t the same as ours. So surely there’s a place for people who don’t experience sexual attraction at all.

I used to feel like something was missing because I will never look at another human being and know what it feels like to be sexually attracted to her. But now I’m proud of my own, unique sexual make up, and I’m glad to be me while being super-interested in learning about other people’s sexuality and supporting their expression of it.

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July 23, 2014
Viet Pride 2014, Starting 18th July!

Starting from the end of 2013 until now, we have witnessed positive movements in the gay, bisexual, and transgender community in Vietnam (hereinafter referred to as the ‘LGBT’ community). One typical example is the ‘I DO’ campaign that exploded on the Internet, which called on people to support marriage equality for same-sex couples. After which, the campaign gained enormous response from people of all social backgrounds. At the same time, there were new ideas for the Amended Constitution of Vietnam, in regards to the citizens’ rights to marriage, according to which, “men and women have the right to marry”. It has opened new doors for marriage equality.

In June 2014, the Marriage and Family Law of 2000 (amended) was passed. Unlike what the LGBT community had hoped for, all that has changed was the replacement of the word “prohibited” with “not recognize”, in regards to same-sex marriage. Although for many people, this mostly means that the Law in Vietnam is not making any progress. However, it is what actually motivates the LGBT community and those who support non-discrimination in marriage, to have even more purpose in advocating for change, and removing prejudices in society.

Therefore, the theme for VietPride 2014—the pride event of the LGBT community in Vietnam this year, was decided to be “Blossom Your Life!”. As a message, which emphasizes on a positive outlook for the future, it urges for everyone in the community to be strong and live true to themselves. It also calls on friends and allies to take the initiative to stand up, and protect what is right and necessary in society.

VietPride 2014 will be held in 17 provinces and cities of Vietnam, such as Hanoi, Ho Chi Minh City, Nha Trang, Da Nang, Can Tho, Hai Phong, Hue, Dong Nai, Thanh Hoa, Dalat … At each location, the LGBT community and supporters are all going to have quite attractive activities, such as seminars, exhibitions, film screenings, sharing and exchanges, cycling, parade, flashmob dance, and also entertainment programs which are contributed by the community themselves. In the overall spirit of the worldwide Pride event ⁽¹⁾, VietPride brings with it, not only the pride of the LGBT community members, but also an opportunity to exchange between parents, friends, as well as those who simply want to give support for justice, for the diversity of life, for love and marriage equality.

In Ho Chi Minh City, the VietPride 2014 event will take place over 4 days, from July 18^th to July 21^st, 2014. There will be alternating activities, such as seminars, 45-minute workshop sessions, community celebration night, film screenings, exhibitions, and especially the outdoor event with pink dress code titled “Blossom Your Life!”, which promises to bring an atmosphere filled with spreading love.

In the aspiration for a just and civilized society, we hope that your contributing efforts, as reporters and editors, will be a powerful catalyst in providing all citizens with more information on diversity, in order to remove prejudices, and to build an increasingly brighter future.

Best regards,

The Organizer of VietPride 2014

Web page for information updates: click here
Images of Viet Pride 2013 in HCMC: click here
Clip of Viet Pride 2013 in HCMC: click here

For information on VietPride 2014, please contact:
Mr. Huynh Minh Thao | Organizer Representative
Email: thao.huynh@ics.org.vn

⁽¹⁾The origin of the LGBT Pride Month: Each year, the month of June has become the Pride month of the LGBT community all over the world since 1969, to commemorate the Stonewall event in Manhattan – the tipping point for a series of movements, fighting for equality rights of gay, bisexual and transgender people in America. At present, Pride month is different for different places, but usually varies between the three months of June, July and August of each year.

Images courtesy of VietPride
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July 16, 2014
The HIV Stigma

The HIV Stigma: How do millennial gay men deal with HIV and the persistent social stigma

It has been more than three decades since HIV was first discovered and became a life-threatening epidemic of our generation. The fear and terror that was shared by many gay men in the 80s still have the warning effect on them even until today. They are the generation that either witness or was directly influenced by HIV’s horrific effect on the gay community, with hundreds of thousands of their peers died young after contracting the deadly virus. Condom and safe sex become the norm for them to avoid becoming HIV positive. Their fear for the virus never diminished even as new medications and advanced biomedical skills are introduced and proved effective in the following years.

With the continuous biomedical breakthroughs in the last few years, HIV has now been classified by the Center for Disease Control as a chronic illness. New medications have proved effective to reduce the viral load of HIV positive individuals to the detectable level. Lifespan of HIV positive individuals can be almost the same as they did before contracting the virus. “A person who is 20-years-old and diagnosed today can expect to live into their 70s, roughly the same lifespan they would expect prior to being diagnosed,” said Dr. Gary Blick, Founder of World Health Clinicians, in an interview with the Huffington Post.

The improved life expectancy has helped to eliminate the terror and fear that all gay men felt three decades ago. For the millennials, what worries them isn’t the threat from HIV transmission, but the HIV-related stigma that continues to force them to live a life of secrecy. I have personally experienced the fear and worry while contemplating about whether getting tested for HIV is the right thing. I remember my first time waiting to get tested at a local health center in Philadelphia. The thoughts that went through my mind were concerns about being labeled if I turned out to be HIV positive, but not where I should look for help. I had heard too many incidents where HIV positive individuals were discriminated at different occasions. The idea of losing your job, being rejected by your family and friends and above all, being alone for the rest of your life just freaked me out. I almost drew back and left the health center without knowing my HIV status. The amount of pressure and fear was just overwhelmingly high that not knowing my HIV status suddenly seemed to be the best option.

Fortunately, the nurse called me in the moment I decided to leave, so I never had the chance to retract my original plan. However, the pressure and fear kept coming back during my later HIV testing appointments. I still struggled to get rid of the pressure stemming from HIV-related stigma. The stigma has created a mindset among millennials that HIV is no longer their problem because advanced biomedical techniques have lower the chances of HIV transmission substantially. According to Peter Staley’s interview with Slate, he believes that only those who have the habit of sleeping around run the risk of becoming HIV positive. But the truth is that most millennial gays are avoiding thinking about HIV mentally. Rather than considering new medication like Truvada as their prevention mechanism, they simply choose not to be reminded of HIV at all. There remains the unwillingness to think deeply about HIV and the generational denial that HIV is their problem. This explains why HIV-related stigma remains persistent and how it affects millennials’ view about HIV related issues.

So even when our fight against HIV seems to move in the right direction, the decades-old stigma stops us from considering the prevention techniques by imposing fear in us. The stigma gets worse as more gay men lose the courage to discuss the issue in public. It forces any public discussion to go underground and often falsely denies the scientifically proved effect of new medication. Before gay men decide to reengage with HIV related issues, they have to tackle the issue of stigma, which remains strong in affecting the millennials’ attitude toward HIV.

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July 15, 2014
The invisible LGBT people in ASEAN: Part 3

Discrimination of sexual minorities in ASEAN akin to a dog chasing its own tail.

We can weigh the positives and negatives for LGBT rights in Southeast Asia, but one thing is for sure: there are small victories on all fronts of the national struggles in each country. “The growing human rights work has directly increased tolerance and acceptance in terms of promoting LGBT people, but there is still much work to be done,” says Ging Cristobal from IGLHRC. Despite being a native from the Philippines, Ging doesn’t stop short of criticizing ASEAN, where the progress of including LGBT(IQ) people in human rights policies has been zero. “ASEAN has done poorly, as evidenced in its Human Rights Declaration without the inclusion of sexual orientation, gender identity and expression (SOGIE). This is because countries like Malaysia, Singapore and Brunei continue to oppose this as part of human rights regional mechanisms.”ASEAN SOGIE Caucus is a network of human rights activists from eight member countries campaigning to push the issues of SOGIE to regional platforms in Southeast Asia that are repeatedly being rejected by ASEAN. This contradicts the obligations of member states, and also ASEAN as a regional body, such as the ratified United Nations Human Rights Declaration and other UN mechanisms including Committee on the Elimination of Discrimination against Women (CEDAW). Moreover, ASEAN’s Intergovernmental Commission on Human Rights (AICHR) effectively uses the “regional particularities” argument to hinder the progress of inclusion of LGBTIQ people.

The LGBT issue has become another card in the ‘non-interference in domestic matters’ politics play in ASEAN and the rule of ‘all ten members consent’ is unlikely to bring success to the sexual minorities’ campaign for rights and protection. “It’s heartbreaking. They can’t even agree that LGBTIQ citizens have to be protected from violence. This is our lives,” laments Ng Yi-Sheng from the Singaporean Committee of ASEAN SOGIE Caucus. And while the LGBT network is not very connected across ASEAN as people speak different languages and also domestic issues vary from country to country, one thing brings all together—“the need for common human rights charter to protect everyone,” Ng adds. Ging Cristobal from IGLHRC points out that no one is asking for special treatment. On the contrary, it is basic protection for marginalized groups that LGBT activists in ASEAN seek. “We have multiple identities and with each identity we are at risk of facing multiple forms of discrimination and abuse. There are indigenous or ethnic gay persons, lesbians with disabilities, transgender youth, migrant gay men, lesbian children. We see our issues as equal as that of other identities and sectors. In seeking inclusion, we have to be conscious not to exclude others as well.”

As ASEAN readies to become an economic community in 2015 (AEC), economic growth is on everyone’s mind, as it is also the least politically touchy one. As long as the member countries are trading and making money, the national and regional leaderships are happy. But what about LGBTIQ people, aren’t they part of the workforce, don’t they contribute to the economy? “The impact of lives lost and economic deprivation, all have direct effect on economic productivity of a country. LGBT skilled workers leave for security reasons and live in progressive countries, where they are not deprived of work and access to social services,” warns Cristobal. A recent study by University of Massachusetts concluded that “economic cost of homophobia ranges from 0.1 to 1.7 percent of gross domestic product, though the authors admit that the invisibility of LGBT people makes it harder to achieve reliable data. In the on-going research, India was a case study and some interesting facts were revealed. For example, homophobia brings an enormous financial burden to health care. HIV disparity, depression, and suicide cost India between 712 million and 23 billion US dollars in 2012, and all three health issues are particularly high among LGBT people in the country. In economic terms, this is a ‘recession’, researchers concluded.

Ng Yi-Sheng from ASEAN SOGIE Caucus in Singapore believes it is in ASEAN’s interest to push for the recognition of LGBTIQ rights. “Cities that are more accepting of LGBTIQ people have been shown to be more creative and open to development. Homophobic and transphobic cultures also trap heterosexual men and women in gender roles, which they are not always happy with. More openness would create more development and more happiness for people in general.” Unfortunately, not everyone feels the same. As SOGIE activists and their cause prove to be too controversial, other human rights campaigners within ASEAN’s civil society network are often closing the door to include LGBTIQ rights in their agenda. Simply put, they are too afraid that their own battle will be lost. After all, ASEAN is an inter-governmental organization, which all ten member states joined to fulfill their national self-interest, and is by no means to be subjected to the transnational power of human rights documents.

Part 1 can be read here http://simplysxy.com/articles/2014/07/05/the-invisible-lgbt-people-in-asean/

Part 2 can be read here http://simplysxy.com/articles/2014/07/05/the-invisible-lgbt-people-in-asean-part-2/

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July 6, 2014
Pink Dot SG : A Celebration of Diversity

Pink balloons gather and aflutter; nothing short of spectacular.

The sixth annual Pink Dot SG was held on 28 June 2014 with a turnout of 26,000 participants. It is most encouraging and heartening that while this year’s Pink Dot SG took place amidst the controversial Wear White Movement, it continued to garner the support of the public and even set to achieve yet another groundbreaking turnout. While most, if not all of the participants are familiar with Pink Dot’s advocates, little are aware that this sixth year running event is also one of Singapore’s homegrown pride and joy. Pink Dot SG is a social movement that was started by a group of individuals—straight and LGBTQ—who care very much about the place of LGBTQ individuals in Singapore. It is an initiative that seeks to build a truly inclusive home that celebrates diversity and inclusiveness, and has since grown into an annual highly anticipated event and even inspired numerous overseas counterparts such as Pink Dot Okinawa, Pink Dot London, Pink Dot Anchorage, among others.

The path towards true freedom to love is never easy, much less for LGBTQ individuals—as seen in the history of LGBTQ in Singapore. In December 2000, Asia’s pioneer gay personals website Fridae.com was formed and it’s first large-scale outdoor dance party held on 8 August 2001; one day shy of the country’s national day. This proved to be a test of the social boundaries in a society that upholds traditional Asian attitudes. Subsequently, such events were banned and this called a temporary hiatus to all other public dance parties of such nature. The arts scene in Singapore itself was slow to warm up to the idea of movies and plays showcasing elements of alternative sexuality and it was not until January 2008, that Golden Village—a cinema operator based in Singapore—organized the very first “The Love and Pride Film Festival” dedicated to LGBT films. On May 16, 2009, the first Pink Dot SG was held in the city-state and while it was attended by a mere 2,500 people, the event received international media attention and coverage and it has never looked back since.

With a strong team of dedicated organizers and three very talented celebrity ambassadors—Sebastian Tan, Janice Koh and Brendon Fernandez—backed by the sponsorship and support of major multinational companies such as Goldman Sachs, Barclays, JP Morgan and Google, this year’s Pink Dot SG only goes to show the scale that this event has taken on. While it is easy to immerse oneself in the fun-filled activities, entertaining performances and the annual Pink Dot light up, the underlying importance of this event cannot be taken for granted. Apart from being a “feel good, positive event”, there is a constant need to address the issue of diversity within society and to be conscious of the fact that Pink Dot SG is not a “be all and end all” for LGBTQ. This serves as an opportunity for us to reconsider today’s definition of acceptable social norms for as Janice Koh has so very aptly said, “There was a time when left-handed people were persecuted. Pink Dot starts from the ground; touching the hearts of the community. The LGBTQ group is only deemed to be truly accepted when the Pink Dot movement ceases to exist.”

Image courtesy of Kathy W at Pink Dot SG 2014

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July 6, 2014
The invisible LGBT people in ASEAN: Part 2

2. The least developed: Cambodia, Laos and Myanmar

Known as CLM, the trio is far from safe and comfortable environment for LGBT people. The process of legal policies for protection and rights of sexual minorities is rather slow, but a promising civil society has been springing up, especially in Cambodia. “There is a strong emergent activist scene there,” says Ng Yi-Sheng from ASEAN SOGIE Caucus in Singapore. The Pride Week event in mid-May ran for a whole week in the capital city of Phnom Penh, as a lead-up to the International Day against Homophobia and Transphobia. The six-day festival featured workshops on family acceptance and LGBT issues, film screenings, Buddhist blessing ceremonies at Wat Samrong, fashion shows, concerts, and the pride parade. In Buddhist Cambodia, religion does not necessarily teach that homosexuality is wrong. However, traditionalism in Cambodian families makes it hard for one to be accepted by his closest ones. It is of a major help that many of the high ranking representatives in the country had been speaking out for acceptance of LGBT people in recent years, such as PM Hun Sen and the late King Norodom Sihanouk. Although Cambodia’s constitution prohibits same-sex marriage, accounts of support and even legalization of lesbian unions, have been reported on a local level in Cambodia. In several provinces, local community chiefs have often granted ‘family documents’ to lesbian couples.

Many would agree that in Laos, civil society is almost absent as years of communist government have silenced free media and activism. While a few have been trying to bring about positive change on a community level through education and sustainability, the case of disappearance of prominent activist Sombath Somphone speaks for itself. Nevertheless, LGBT people in Laos have been quite active in organizing events to raise awareness in the mostly rural and conservative society. In 2012, the first gay pride “Proud to be Us!” took place in the capital Vientiane. Around 100 lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people had gathered on a US embassy sports field to watch performances pointing to the marginalization of LGBT people in Laos. The event was organized by the US embassy and local activists, and a senior government official attended the event as well. “The aim was to show that we can live and work together in harmony and that LGBT people can contribute enormously to the country given the opportunity. We have never had an event like this. I feel empowered that this is the first step that can take us forward,” event organizer, Anan Bouapha, told Agence France-Presse (AFP). Although homosexuality is legal in Laos and there are rarely victims of violence, the LGBT community faces discrimination, especially when seeking employment in government or other higher status professions. Many are therefore left with poorly paid jobs or end up working in the sex industry.

Myanmar, or Burma if you like, is one of the ex-colonies of Great Britain, that still keeps in place the infamous sodomy law, prohibiting sexual intercourse between adult males. While the penal code is not strictly enforced by authorities, activists note that harassment and discrimination of sexual minorities are rampant. Trans-women have been reported to be regularly harassed by police and authorities. After the end of military regime and civilian government installed after the first elections in 20 years in November 2010, taboos concerning homosexuality began to relax. Myanmar held its first gay pride event in 2012 and this year in March, the first ever public gay wedding took place. Although the couple wasn’t granted legal status, it is at least a small step towards acceptance of different sexual orientation and same-sex relations in Burma.

3. LGBT and Islam: Indonesia vs. Malaysia and far away Brunei

A typical stereotype of Islamic countries’ hostility towards sexual minorities is short of the variety of cultures in Southeast Asia. Indonesia is a good example. Although the country has the largest Muslim population in the world, tolerance “highly varies within the country. While the level of queer acceptance is high in some areas, danger of religiously motivated attacks persists elsewhere,” says Ng Yi-Sheng from Singapore’s Committee of ASEAN SOGIE Caucus. Indonesia has secularist constitution and homosexuality is legal, but a recent poll shows 93 percent of Indonesians feel homosexual couples should not be accepted. While most Indonesians practice moderate Islam, hardline Islamic groups are on the rise, constantly pushing the officially secular government. In 2002, Aceh province was granted the right to use Sharia law, which criminalizes homosexuality. A year later, proposal to criminalize same-sex relations in Indonesia failed. That was more than ten years ago. While legally, the country is obviously not keen on cracking down on sexual minorities, the perception of them is another issue. Just last year Banda Aceh Deputy Mayor Illiza Sa’aduddin Djamal talked of homosexuality as “a social disease that should be eradicated” and a punishment of 100 public lashes for offenders.

On the other hand, Malaysia has a much clearer stand with a Muslim majority and Islamic constitution; homosexuality remains illegal by the colonial-era sodomy law, criminalizing homosexual intercourse. Intolerance is rather increasing with the institutional islamization of Malaysia. The International Gay and Lesbian Human Rights Commission (IGLHRC)’s report on LGBT rights in Malaysia concluded that these people face rising hostility, discrimination and abuses. There is no protection for them in the political system. Increasingly present is the state-administered Sharia law, which criminalizes lesbian sexual intercourse (musahaqah), sex between men (sodomy), sex “against the order of nature” (liwat), and also “impersonating” opposite sex, such as cross-dressing. The government is keen on developing a particular “Malaysian vision” and the LGBT people are clearly not part of it. Sexual orientation and gender identity issues are rejected by Malaysia at all human rights platforms: national, regional (ASEAN) and international (UN).

At the end of ASEAN’S LGBT tail is Brunei, recently slammed across the world for passing a new penal code that calls for death by stoning for same-sex relations. Those have long been illegal in Brunei, though the maximum punishment was ten years of jail. The only solace for LGBT community there is that Brunei has been holding an effective moratorium on death sentences since 1957. Many are hopeful this custom will continue. Others point to the obvious fact that criminalization and death penalty for same-sex relations between adults violate rights to privacy, equality, freedom from arbitrary arrest and detention.

Part 1 can be read here http://simplysxy.com/articles/2014/07/05/the-invisible-lgbt-people-in-asean/

Part 3 to follow can be read here at http://simplysxy.com/articles/2014/07/06/the-invisible-lgbt-people-in-asean-part-3/

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July 5, 2014
The invisible LGBT people in ASEAN: “This is our lives we are talking about!”

A transgender girl baring her breasts against the military coup in Thailand, marked with pro-democratic slogans and spreading her legs, Aum Neko has once again caused a social media fury for her civil disobedience methods. Along massive positive support, the transgender student was subject to attacks on her sexual orientation and identity. “Damn ladyboy” was just one of the softer comments on social networks. Around the same time, in neighboring Malaysia, 16 transgender women were sentenced to seven days in prison and a fine for “cross-dressing”. Human Rights Watch called it a “violation of their rights to freedom of expression and privacy”. This past June’s Pink Dot, LGBT rights rally, in Singapore saw a white opposition from Muslim and Christian religious groups, calling on people to wear white in protest. On a more positive note—the first public same sex wedding was held in Myanmar this spring and surprisingly, Vietnam’s communist government doesn’t seem as hostile to LGBT people than to other civil and human rights movement.

“It’s a mixed bag (in ASEAN)”, says Ng Yi-Sheng from the Singaporean Committee of ASEAN SOGIE Caucus, campaigning to include LGBT (IQ-intersex,questioning) rights in ASEAN’s human rights documents. “On one hand, we have countries where civil unions will probably soon be legal, such as Thailand. On the other hand, we have countries where (same sex relations) are punishable with death by stoning, such as Brunei. And then we have countries in between, like Singapore, where there is a moderate level of acceptance but still a law against gay male sex.” There is one thing though, that all ASEAN members have in common, and it illustrates the long way LGBT groups have in Southeast Asia to achieve basic human rights, regardless of sexual orientation and identity. “We don’t have national anti-discrimination or anti-hate crime legislation with only some city-level ones in the Philippines. This is what worries most of us, much more than marriage and adoption rights,”Ng Yi-Sheng points out. So how visible are LGBT people in Southeast Asia, and are ASEAN and its member countries members rather, turning a blind eye to their existence in the first place? Here is our evaluation based on NGO reports, ASEAN SOGIE Caucus and International Gay and Lesbian Human Rights Commission (IGLHRC) analysis.

1. The safe havens: Thailand and Philippines

Thailand has been often called the number one ASEAN country for sexual minorities’ rights and acceptance, decriminalizing homosexuality as early as 1956. LGBT people from neighboring Laos, Cambodia or Burma would agree, often migrating to the “Land of Smiles” for a more positive life, free of fear and discrimination. Relatively tolerant to gays and lesbians, Thais are close to becoming the first in ASEAN to abolish ban on same-sex marriages. A sex change is possible here for a few thousand dollars and “kathoeys”— also known as transgender women—have become a popular part of entertainment industry as well as the vibrant sex trade. Nevertheless, Thailand remains more than stereotyped against transgender people. They are generally associated precisely with these ‘entertaining’ professions, extending only to beauty and fashion. Other sectors remain conservatively closed to “kathoeys”. Moreover, a study by UNESCO and Mahidol University from November 2013 found that a third of 2,000 LGBT students had been physically harassed and only a minority had shared their bullying experience with anyone, often resulting in depression and suicide attempts (7%). Analysts also point out that Thai government and authorities often play down hate crime against LGBT people as ‘love affair crime’. While in practice it means little, Thailand is the only ASEAN country supporting the UN declaration oF LGBT rights.

This two-faceness is present in the Philippines as well. Somewhat advertised around the world as one of the most ‘gay friendly’ countries, this is apparently a ‘sad misinformation’, says Professor Neil Garcia in IGLHRC’s research paper on the Philippines. The study concludes that hate crime, discrimination and violence against LGBT people are widely reported, but the lower end of justice system is cutting sexual minorities short of effective protection, especially because of lack of understanding by local authorities. Consensual homosexual relations, homosexuality and transgenderism are not illegal in the Philippines, but LGBTpeople are rather invisible to the legal system. Nationwide surveys have shown that only less than 14 percent of Filipinos approve of homosexual acts, but more than half of the respondents respect the right of person to be homosexual. Officially a secular state, mostly Roman-Catholic, Philippines therefore adopts the Vatican’s stance on LGBT people, but they are a bit more tolerant than that. “A strong activist scene is present there and general acceptance is more widespread,” concludes Ng Yi-Sheng from Singaporean Committee of ASEAN SOGIE Caucus.

2. Rising star and the hybrid: Vietnam and Singapore

Vietnam has jumped out of its label of the ‘least developed’ countries of ASEAN recently and rather quickly with enormous economic growth. While this is less true for human development or democratization, the LGBT movement has been one of the most effective amongst the increasing call for civil rights and internet freedom,. The communist government had been considering to abolish the ban on same-sex marriages since 2012, and has since then decriminalized same-sex weddings and allowed same-sex couples to live together. However, while the communist government is somewhat relaxed towards sexual minorities, the society remains conservative, says Ng Yi-Sheng from the Singaporean Committee of ASEAN SOGIE Caucus. “The route to civil unions is suggested, but general awareness remains low.” The biggest opposition against LGBT rights comes from Vietnamese Women’s Union, which sees same-sex marriage as a threat to traditional family values. And the challenge goes on, as homosexuality is still a taboo topic in the largely Confucian Vietnam.

The most developed country of ASEAN, Singapore, has been moving in-between the traditional tight legal grasp on society and aspirations of new civil freedoms. On 28 June 2014, Singapore held the sixth year of “Freedom to Love” LGBT rights rally. Last year’s ‘Pink Dot’, in honor of ‘little red dot’ a.k.a. Singapore, has been the largest gathering of civil society ever with more than 21, 000 people attending. The general tolerance against LGBT people is on the rise especially among young generation of Singaporeans. “The acceptance is growing, but laws are bad,” says Ng Yi-Sheng. As a former British colony, Singapore inherited the ‘sodomy law’, outlawing sex between men. Two gay men challenged the penal code as unconstitutional in 2007, but after years of heated debate, it was upheld in the High Court last year. While the calls to abolish the sodomy law are increasingly more frequent, so is the push against them, coming mainly from growing evangelical congregations: a big lobby group that has a direct effect on opinion-making in Singapore. The ‘Pink Dot’ celebration this week is expecting a protest by white-wearing conservative religious groups—Christian and Muslim alike.

Part 2 can be read here http://simplysxy.com/articles/2014/07/05/the-invisible-lgbt-people-in-asean-part-2/

Part 3 can be read here http://simplysxy.com/articles/2014/07/06/the-invisible-lgbt-people-in-asean-part-3/

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July 5, 2014
Are Bert and Ernie Gay? 🙂

Bert and Ernie. Gay? Why is this important?

I was horrified to read years ago that Noddy and Big Ears were forced to deny ‘improper relationship’ in Toy Town. Not to be outdone, it appears that Bert and Ernie, the iconic residents (and roommates) of the long-running children’s TV series Sesame Street, have been ‘outed’ over their (assumed) sexual identity by no less than the New Yorker magazine in the wake of the US Supreme Court’s landmark ruling to overturn the Defence of Marriage Act.

In the cover image featured on the left, the couple are sitting on a couch with Bert’s arm wrapped around Ernie and Ernie’s head nestled against Bert’s shoulder. They are watching the Supreme Court decision granting same-sex couples the “equal liberty” guaranteed by the US constitution’s Fifth Amendment.

As the US grapples with serious economic and social challenges, the release of the cover image has provoked fierce debate, about the sexual orientation of this couple and the potential for litigation by Sesame Workshop—which owns the characters—against the magazine.

I loved the denial by Sesame Workshop back in 2007 opining: “[Bert and Ernie] are not gay, they are not straight, they are puppets. They do not exist below the waist.”

The characters Noddy and Big Ears and Bert and Ernie demonstrate friendship and conflict resolution in a manner that children can positively relate to. Is it really important that these characters have a label for their sexual orientation? Is the fact that these characters are friends not enough? Are these characters less educational, less relevant and potentially despicable if they exist below the waist?

What then is the optimum age to start to discuss the issue of sexual orientation with our kids?

I had an unexpected answer to this question during a recent visit to Israel; I was privileged to view a kindergarten session in a unique programme designed in collaboration with the national education system and the kindergarten departments in several city municipalities. In the gay centre in Tel Aviv, I was drawn to the delightful sound of children’s laughter as their male kindergarten teacher was blowing giant bubbles for the children to play with in the shade of the Meir Gardens next to the centre.

The notion that education begins in the kindergarten years takes on a real currency here as a team of psychologists, education counsellors, teachers and representatives of the education system have been developing a unique program, which would help kindergarten teachers’ deal with children who are raised in LGBT(lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender) families and acknowledge their special needs.

With LGBT parenthood on the rise, there is a need to introduce these new and non-traditional families to our community. Any child who is connected to general community media can see or hear discussion about gay marriage. Do we leave them to form their own opinions or do we step up to have conversations with our kids about respect for differences across the board? Do we introduce our kids to the possibility that they can like/dislike or agree/disagree with others while still enjoying mutual respect?

I believe that in a healthy society, it’s important to acknowledge that some children are part of a non-traditional family or are friends with other children from non-traditional families and to respect diversity while enjoying our individual sexual values.

As a psychosexual educator, parents often ask me how they can start conversations about sexual diversity with young children. I recommend, as a general rule, to trust kids to ask what they specifically want to know and to respond only to the questions they ask in basic terms. Once your child has processed that answer, and they have felt safe and respected to ask any questions, they will seek more information

Parents can use specific observations to help children understand differences such as comparison of different toes. Regardless of differences in sizes, shapes and colours of everyone’s toes, most people young and old, can still walk and play. Some people choose to decorate their toes and put them on display and others don’t. Grandma’s toes may hurt her at times but that doesn’t stop her from being loved and valued. Continue to build on that foundation to create discussions when opportune to raise differences in religious beliefs and traditions and the way different people express their love depending on their sexual identity or personality profiles.

When parents role model their own respect for differences and respond thoughtfully to occasional confusion over something new and different, they will allow their child to feel safe to explore their growing world and engage in further talks about sexuality.

I realized there was a need for a 21^st century tool to help parents and teachers manage the new challenges in communicating sexual respect and diversity. I wrote the sex education app for iPad ‘Parents, Tweens and Sex’ and designed it in collaboration with Swinburne University Design to support parents to have these confronting sexual conversations with their ‘tweens’ (10–13 year olds). I was motivated by my experience as a counselling psychologist and clinical sexologist and also as a parent to support other parents to be comfortable to have these conversations to enable them to share their personal values and ethics with their tweens.

One conversation starter in the ‘Parents, Tweens and Sex’ app examines the notion of ‘same, same but different’. In addition, it guides parents in discussions around choosing to celebrate people’s sexual differences while delighting in sameness. Go Bert and Ernie!

Images courtesy of Sarah Calleja, Kathy W

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June 28, 2014
Pink Pride

It is time to hit the gym and start eating healthy so as to look good for the different LGBT events that is happening in June 2014. This month’s calendar has suddenly become jam-packed with Shanghai Pride moving back to June and President Obama declaring June as LGBT Pride Month in the US. In anticipation for these events, let us review the top five moments for two major LGBT events that took place last year: Pink Dot and Taiwan Pride.

Pink Dot started around 5 p.m. and during this time you could find many laying down picnic mats, snacking on food and chatting with friends while basking in the evening sun. Just off the car park, there were booths of the different LGBT NGOs and event sponsors. If you took a walk around the park, you would be sure to stumble upon old friends. There were performances from various groups to entertain us and once the sky turned dark, everyone gathered towards the center of the park with their pink cellophane filters on their phones light for Pink Dot’s classic lit-up with an aerial photo shoot. There were about 21,000 attendees last year which was a record high for the Singapore LGBT event. Every year, the event gets bigger and this year will be no exception.

Taiwan Pride on the other hand began about 2 p.m. but the cool autumn breeze made the 4 km walk a joy. The parade route started and ended in front of Taipei City Hall. Passing by Sun Yat-sen Memorial and then going up Dunhua South before looping back to City Hall via Zhongxiao East. We saw many people dressed in sexy costumes, parade floats catering to different fetishes and people from varied walks of life striding side by side. When you have 60,000 people walking with you, the atmosphere is nothing short of electric.

Now for my personal top five moments of these two events.

Number five: There were a lot of hot and cute guys. I was surprised I did not get diabetes from all the eye candy. One advice for anyone attending these events for the first time is not to be shy. Please go up to anyone you like and say hello, take a picture, or get a number.

Number four: The Singapore flag flying pass during Pink Dot. Coincidentally on the very same day, the flight path of the Chinook carrying a giant Singapore flag for the National Day Parade rehearsal was over Hong Lim Park. The flag was accompanied by two Apaches which made it a truly marvelous sight to see.

Number three: Singing “Home” by Dick Lee after the Pink Dot light-up. Usually after the Pink Dot light-up, the event organizer will play the theme song for that year’s event. The song “Home” was last year’s song and it is a very emotional national song for many Singaporeans.

Number two: Taiwan Pride was just plain awesome. I could easily ramble on a list; walking with 60,000 people in the parade, the wonderful weather, having Taipei 101 in the backdrop, the people and the culture. You just have to be there in person to experience how magical Taiwan Pride can be.

Number one: Seeing the different minorities of the Taiwan LGBT community. Taiwan is much bigger in population then Singapore, which makes their LGBT minorities hard to remain unnoticed. During the parade, I had a chance to walk along many disabled LGBTs; some in wheelchairs and others born with birth defects. It really had me thinking about how difficult their life could be. It is not always fun and games in the LGBT community as there is a lot of discrimination within this unified rainbow. I empathized with them and realized how blessed my gay life has been.

Images courtesy of Pink Dot SG rally organizers © 2013 and Sahib Torun

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June 27, 2014
I Do, Do You?

Being a gay guy with quite a fair bit of failed relationships does not mean that the notion of marriage (or civil union or whatever you call it) does not cross my mind every once in a while. Not that I would picture myself in a wedding dress, but I do think about how my wedding ceremony and dinner will be like, what kind of band I am going to hire and what sort of food I am going to serve to my guests (yes, my guestlist is almost done with a few amendments). With each failed relationship, the dream wedding seemed to be further away, but I never did give up hope as I foresee my future with a partner till the end of time (or at least till death do us part).

Indeed, just merely two weeks ago, I was proposed to by my then-partner-now-turned-fiancé during our second anniversary celebration. Not really a tear-jerking moment or how I would have imagined it to be (there was no kneeling down or romantic scene and/or music playing at the background), but it served its purpose and I was touched, to say the least. However, many questions followed—Will there be a wedding? Should we start planning the reception now? Do we need to find a venue? Who can officiate at our wedding? Apparently according to my partner, the proposal is the ultimate peak of the relationship and we can now spend eternity together (I can almost hear the thunder in my head roaring). I pretty much guessed that there are fundamental cultural differences and misunderstandings between us (oh, did I mention that he’s Filipino and I am a true blue Singaporean).

A few of my close friends told me that since I have “chosen” this unconventional route of being with a guy, I would have to live without a wedding and that the marriage certificate is just a “piece of paper”. I gave them quite an earful, but not to the extreme. First of all, I did not “choose” to be with a guy as no one with a sane mind would choose a lifestyle where one has to struggle against peer pressure and social norms (basically to swim against the current just to find love). Second of all, I do not care about the certificate to be very honest, as I do not need the government to recognize the love I have for my man and vice versa. So why a wedding you ask? Simply because I want to share the joy and love of the holy matrimony with close friends and families and isn’t this what most weddings (regardless conventional or not) are about?

So like any good relationship’s advice, I “communicated” with thy fiancé and after extensive discussions with him, I can understand his reasons as to why a wedding is not in the line-up of events in our lives. He focuses on the more practical issues: saving up to get a place of our own and living happily ever after, as compared to “throwing” money into one big party with no practicality to speak of (now you know why I can marry this guy). Despite understanding his viewpoint, I feel that a wedding is still important (to me), even more so for a gay and interracial couple.

So as you are reading this article, I may have whispered enough in his ears to convince him of a mini wedding ceremony and reception. I may be a semi-closeted gay; I do need to put my head out once in a while to breathe in some fresh air.

Image courtesy of Shutterstock

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June 25, 2014