I Do, Do You?

Being a gay guy with quite a fair bit of failed relationships does not mean that the notion of marriage (or civil union or whatever you call it) does not cross my mind every once in a while. Not that I would picture myself in a wedding dress, but I do think about how my wedding ceremony and dinner will be like, what kind of band I am going to hire and what sort of food I am going to serve to my guests (yes, my guestlist is almost done with a few amendments). With each failed relationship, the dream wedding seemed to be further away, but I never did give up hope as I foresee my future with a partner till the end of time (or at least till death do us part).

Indeed, just merely two weeks ago, I was proposed to by my then-partner-now-turned-fiancé during our second anniversary celebration. Not really a tear-jerking moment or how I would have imagined it to be (there was no kneeling down or romantic scene and/or music playing at the background), but it served its purpose and I was touched, to say the least. However, many questions followed—Will there be a wedding? Should we start planning the reception now? Do we need to find a venue? Who can officiate at our wedding? Apparently according to my partner, the proposal is the ultimate peak of the relationship and we can now spend eternity together (I can almost hear the thunder in my head roaring). I pretty much guessed that there are fundamental cultural differences and misunderstandings between us (oh, did I mention that he’s Filipino and I am a true blue Singaporean).

A few of my close friends told me that since I have “chosen” this unconventional route of being with a guy, I would have to live without a wedding and that the marriage certificate is just a “piece of paper”. I gave them quite an earful, but not to the extreme. First of all, I did not “choose” to be with a guy as no one with a sane mind would choose a lifestyle where one has to struggle against peer pressure and social norms (basically to swim against the current just to find love). Second of all, I do not care about the certificate to be very honest, as I do not need the government to recognize the love I have for my man and vice versa. So why a wedding you ask? Simply because I want to share the joy and love of the holy matrimony with close friends and families and isn’t this what most weddings (regardless conventional or not) are about?

So like any good relationship’s advice, I “communicated” with thy fiancé and after extensive discussions with him, I can understand his reasons as to why a wedding is not in the line-up of events in our lives. He focuses on the more practical issues: saving up to get a place of our own and living happily ever after, as compared to “throwing” money into one big party with no practicality to speak of (now you know why I can marry this guy). Despite understanding his viewpoint, I feel that a wedding is still important (to me), even more so for a gay and interracial couple.

So as you are reading this article, I may have whispered enough in his ears to convince him of a mini wedding ceremony and reception. I may be a semi-closeted gay; I do need to put my head out once in a while to breathe in some fresh air.

Image courtesy of Shutterstock

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