What It’s Like To Be A Switch
I think discovering kink allows a lot of people to discover parts of themselves that normally society may not encourage or cannot understand. In that sense, perhaps a lot of “hardcore” kinksters are seen to live alternative lifestyles and for some part that maybe true, for others like myself, I see my lifestyle as most conventional with an underlying kinky tone rather than dictated by kink. I ride and compete my horse, I walk my dog, I do sports and art and enjoy learning … but in the right situations, I also have a lifestyle Mistress, get caned, dress up in latex and stand on men.
It’s a delicate balance and perhaps I am not the norm in the kink or vanilla world, but does that make my lifestyle alternative? My personal thoughts on alternative lifestyles is that people should focus on being the best and happiest versions of themselves, if that involves being “alternative”, then great, do that.
I don’t think everyone is designed to have a conventional lifestyle that’s dictated by society’s norms. Personally, I always struggled to maintain relationships until I tried a completely D/s dynamic and realised a vanilla relationship structure was the issue, and not necessarily my ability to sustain a relationship.
How I First Started Exploring Kink
Funnily enough, it took me to the age of 21 to realise being spanked, slapped, choked and tied up in the bedroom was not normal. I have always been attracted to those who can challenge me intellectually and who ooze confidence. I have also always shown submissive traits in that I am a masochist, I love making my partner happy and I have always had an ability to subtly tease (especially in vanilla settings), and combined, it’s like having a Dom-dar.
Realizing I Was A Switch
I only really have started to accept my switchy side in the last few years since having a supportive partner who has encouraged me to do whatever I want to try. As someone who originally thought I was purely submissive, it has been hard to accept that around submissive men. I naturally take control of a situation and that I do enjoy playing the Dominant role in my own style. I went through a rough stage a few years ago of rejecting the switch status because I felt it made me less of a slave/sub but in reality, it is the submissive facet that enables me to switch so well.
I can manipulate a sub easily because I can relate to their emotions in the scene, I know when they need to breathe whilst being hit or when they probably want a tender touch because I have been there myself. It took me a while to full embrace all my facets but I feel so much more at peace with myself now that I understand all my different headspaces (slave, sub, little, Domme, Brat, rope bunny etc.), how to move between them and that just because with different people I can embrace different parts of myself, it does not make the other parts any “less”.
Misconceptions About Being A Switch
That being a Switch makes you less of a Domme/Sub. If anything, I think it gives you better insight and understanding into your play partner which allows for more intense interactions. It would be like saying being good at playing sports makes you a bad supporter. Also, it’s worth noting there is no one way to Dominate, no one way to submit, and there’s also no one way to switch.
Some people can change mindsets mid-session and go from slave to head teacher. Others need clear boundaries or perhaps, only one dynamic with each play partner. Like everything in kink, there is no black/white structure, it’s just about exploring who you are, finding playmates who are into the same activities as you and having fun with it.
Is It Difficult To Be A Switch?
I think knowing how to be both parts really helps the other. For example, when I am with my Mistress, I know how emotionally tiring subs can be or how it feels to have someone be bratty when you’re tired from a long day and I can use that knowledge to better myself as a sub and make Her life more enjoyable. Alternatively, when I am with boys in a more Domme mindset, I know why they might be bratting or overly emotional, I know that if their breathing is erratic, they will feel sensations differently. I know that when a sub feels vulnerable, they may not be able to ask for the hug they really need but they want it. I can use my personal experience as a sub to help me make sure that they have a magical time and that they are properly prepared for whatever I have planned because I know what it will feel like to be in their shoes.
I don’t often switch in the same session because I personally struggle to see people on both sides of the spectrum without my mindsets leaking into each other. That said, I find those looking for switching sessions are actually looking for a playful hedonistic partner with a power struggle aspect which is something I personally love. Labels such as Domme, Sub and Switch can sometimes make it harder because not everyone truly understands what they want and a lot of my clients are more fetishists than Dommes or Subs, meaning they are looking for a more playful session that embraces their particular kinks but feel the need to catagorise themselves as Dom or Sub for the sake of labels.
Recommendations For Aspiring Switches
Forget labels and just explore, you don’t have to fit into any particular box, when you can (have a consensual partner available) explore everything you’re interested in safely, you’ll start to discover your different facets and all the kinks and mindsets that you enjoy.
Rabbit T – I am a professional submissive who can provide the full GFE to outcalls in the London, Manchester and Bedford areas. I am not offering incalls at this time due to moving home and getting my new place organised.
I offer kinky companion, spankee, submissive and escort services in these areas on dates according to my schedule and travel plans. Arrangements are best made in advance to ensure my availability.
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Tours: City of London 28th – 30th April
Images courtesy of Rabbit T
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