SimplySxy

Tag: Switch

  • What It’s Like To Be A Switch

    What It’s Like To Be A Switch

    I think discovering kink allows a lot of people to discover parts of themselves that normally society may not encourage or cannot understand. In that sense, perhaps a lot of “hardcore” kinksters are seen to live alternative lifestyles and for some part that maybe true, for others like myself, I see my lifestyle as most conventional with an underlying kinky tone rather than dictated by kink. I ride and compete my horse, I walk my dog, I do sports and art and enjoy learning … but in the right situations, I also have a lifestyle Mistress, get caned, dress up in latex and stand on men.

    It’s a delicate balance and perhaps I am not the norm in the kink or vanilla world, but does that make my lifestyle alternative? My personal thoughts on alternative lifestyles is that people should focus on being the best and happiest versions of themselves, if that involves being “alternative”, then great, do that. 

    I don’t think everyone is designed to have a conventional lifestyle that’s dictated by society’s norms. Personally, I always struggled to maintain relationships until I tried a completely D/s dynamic and realised a vanilla relationship structure was the issue, and not necessarily my ability to sustain a relationship. 

    How I First Started Exploring Kink

    Funnily enough, it took me to the age of 21 to realise being spanked, slapped, choked and tied up in the bedroom was not normal. I have always been attracted to those who can challenge me intellectually and who ooze confidence. I have also always shown submissive traits in that I am a masochist, I love making my partner happy and I have always had an ability to subtly tease (especially in vanilla settings), and combined, it’s like having a Dom-dar. 

    Realizing I Was A Switch

    I only really have started to accept my switchy side in the last few years since having a supportive partner who has encouraged me to do whatever I want to try. As someone who originally thought I was purely submissive, it has been hard to accept that around submissive men. I naturally take control of a situation and that I do enjoy playing the Dominant role in my own style. I went through a rough stage a few years ago of rejecting the switch status because I felt it made me less of a slave/sub but in reality, it is the submissive facet that enables me to switch so well.

    I can manipulate a sub easily because I can relate to their emotions in the scene, I know when they need to breathe whilst being hit or when they probably want a tender touch because I have been there myself. It took me a while to full embrace all my facets but I feel so much more at peace with myself now that I understand all my different headspaces (slave, sub, little, Domme, Brat, rope bunny etc.), how to move between them and that just because with different people I can embrace different parts of myself, it does not make the other parts any “less”. 

    Misconceptions About Being A Switch

    That being a Switch makes you less of a Domme/Sub. If anything, I think it gives you better insight and understanding into your play partner which allows for more intense interactions. It would be like saying being good at playing sports makes you a bad supporter. Also, it’s worth noting there is no one way to Dominate, no one way to submit, and there’s also no one way to switch.

    Some people can change mindsets mid-session and go from slave to head teacher. Others need clear boundaries or perhaps, only one dynamic with each play partner. Like everything in kink, there is no black/white structure, it’s just about exploring who you are, finding playmates who are into the same activities as you and having fun with it. 

    Is It Difficult To Be A Switch?

    I think knowing how to be both parts really helps the other. For example, when I am with my Mistress, I know how emotionally tiring subs can be or how it feels to have someone be bratty when you’re tired from a long day and I can use that knowledge to better myself as a sub and make Her life more enjoyable. Alternatively, when I am with boys in a more Domme mindset, I know why they might be bratting or overly emotional, I know that if their breathing is erratic, they will feel sensations differently. I know that when a sub feels vulnerable, they may not be able to ask for the hug they really need but they want it. I can use my personal experience as a sub to help me make sure that they have a magical time and that they are properly prepared for whatever I have planned because I know what it will feel like to be in their shoes.

    I don’t often switch in the same session because I personally struggle to see people on both sides of the spectrum without my mindsets leaking into each other. That said, I find those looking for switching sessions are actually looking for a playful hedonistic partner with a power struggle aspect which is something I personally love. Labels such as Domme, Sub and Switch can sometimes make it harder because not everyone truly understands what they want and a lot of my clients are more fetishists than Dommes or Subs, meaning they are looking for a more playful session that embraces their particular kinks but feel the need to catagorise themselves as Dom or Sub for the sake of labels. 

    Recommendations For Aspiring Switches

    Forget labels and just explore, you don’t have to fit into any particular box, when you can (have a consensual partner available) explore everything you’re interested in safely, you’ll start to discover your different facets and all the kinks and mindsets that you enjoy. 

    Rabbit T – I am a professional submissive who can provide the full GFE to outcalls in the London, Manchester and Bedford areas. I am not offering incalls at this time due to moving home and getting my new place organised.

    I offer kinky companion, spankee, submissive and escort services in these areas on dates according to my schedule and travel plans. Arrangements are best made in advance to ensure my availability.

    Follow Rabbit on

    Twitter: @Little_rabbit_t

    Onlyfans: @little_rabbit_t

    Website: www.down-the-rabbit-hole.co.uk

    Tours: City of London 28th – 30th April

    Images courtesy of Rabbit T

    Like to be featured on SimplySxy? Drop us an email at editorial@SimplySxy.com!

  • What To Know About Being A Switch

    What To Know About Being A Switch

    I’m a scholar of the SSC school of BDSM, meaning I know there’s always more to learn and I’m always happy to share what I know. So far, Safe, Sane and Consensual practices inform my views of how kinky play should unfold; so, if the anticipated types of activities aren’t physically safe, being performed by parties who are of sound mind and are actively consenting, they don’t have a place in play space(s).

    I like to think that BDSM is like garlic—you can never have too much of it and it always adds the right amount of flare to any experience as long as all parties involved are fully informed and enthusiastic about their involvement. Kink was first introduced to me through an ex who was extremely into bondage and my own personal interests in heavy rubber, ball gags, body worship, breath play and impact play.

    Also, seeing Dita Von Teese editorials and the Matrix films when I was younger heavily influenced my style and appetites now. The more mainstream that kink becomes through media portrayals—like Netflix’s Bonding, Shameless, and P-Valley—as well as the rise in sex workers and sex and kink educators, the more we’re going to have society exploring deeper and more delicious ways to express and indulge in physical intimacy, and that’s something to celebrate!

    What Does It Mean To Be A Switch?

    Simply put, a switch is an individual who is comfortable in either the dominant or submissive role but they do not feel strongly tied to identifying as either in a consensual kink experience. Often, it’s because a switch has discerned specific types of play and or dominants that they like to be submissive toward as well as the types of submissives they enjoy seeing.

    People who identify as dominants or submissives are dominants or submissives 24/7. Dominance or submissiveness is woven into their personality type, and I’d argue the same for a switch—we’re just interested in exploring our kinky duality with our partners. For some switches, it’s a pretty even split with no preference for which role they’re in. For other switches—like myself—there’s a tendency to lean more towards the one role over the other.

    As a dominant-leaning switch, I prefer to lead play in a sensual, sadistic style. I don’t consider myself a dominant because I don’t feel compelled or want to be dominant in all types of play but I also won’t submit to just anyone. I have to know the person I allow to dominate me will respect my soft and hard limits and not push me into a type of play I’ve explicitly stated that I will not engage in; I also prefer sensual dominants versus sadists—probably because I’m a sadist myself.

    I also prefer to sub for very specific types of kink, like rope bondage; forced orgasms; over the knee impact play (OTK); and tickling, which means I also require dominants who are specifically skilled in those types of play. Whereas, as a domme, my expertise and my own interest lies in pegging, breath play (more commonly known as choking), human furniture, chastity, verbal humiliation and degradation, body parts worship (like foot or ass worship), latex/pvc/heavy rubber fetish, and sensory deprivation—so people tend to seek me out for those types of play scenarios.

    I relish in the delight that comes from being a switch and exploring various types of play as a sub and a domme, but I’m extremely particular about the types of play partners I have—both for business and for my own pleasure.

    Misconceptions Of Being A Switch

    The switch plight is pretty similar to the same weird shame culture surrounding proud and out bisexuals. We’re often thought of as competitive or greedy. There’s also the persistent desire to pigeonhole us as being either just dominants or submissives all the time. Or that we’re “in denial” about being submissives—that’s probably my favorite because it always makes me laugh.   

    How Do I Know If I’m A Switch?

    There are tons of informal BDSM questionnaires all over the web and surely there’s some lengthy threads on Fetlife or Reddit to mine for research and consideration. But it’s really as easy as understanding and applying how you feel.

    Do you enjoy being dominant sometimes? Do you enjoy being submissive sometimes? Are you comfortable leading the play if you’re established as the dominant? Are you comfortable allowing someone else to lead if and when you’re a submissive? Have you played enough to know the difference in what role you like and under what circumstances and with what type of other kinky roleplayer(s)? If you can answer yes to all of these, then you, my dear, may also be a switch.  

    Can One Be A Switch In Vanilla Relationships?

    Absolutely! It may not come up as often or be something that you recognize as switch tendencies with particular power dynamics, but vanilla relationships still offer opportunities for kinky play and thus more experiences for both of you to switch. For instance, you may find that you initiate sex more than your partner or perhaps you’re more vocal during sex than your partner so you end up directing more of what takes place such as, “Spank me while you fuck me like that!” or “Pull my hair!” or “I love it when you let me spit in your mouth.”

    Maybe you love that your partner is inherently more dominant or submissive with you and it’s the entire driving force of your relationship but you’re allowed to be a brat sometimes and top from the bottom or there’s just a natural trade off that you both are comfortable with where neither has to be dominant or submissive when they don’t want to be. Whatever the case, there’s always the possibility to flow from your typical type of dynamic to something else. Don’t be afraid to switch it up!

    Tips To Follow When Exploring Being A Switch

    Figure out your boundaries—or your hard limits! I can’t stress that enough with people who are new to kink because unfortunately, we live in the reality post-50 Shades of Grey where every other person on Tinder thinks they’re a dominant! But you need to know what you’re not willing to do and have firm and clear lines of communication so that all parties stay safe and happy; never be afraid to pull the plug on play if you feel that your boundaries have been crossed. After that, have fun with it!

    Being a switch is the ultimate chameleon ability so enjoy it with people who make you feel sexy, safe, secure and affirmed! You don’t have to turn every date into a kink marathon where all parties try to be more dominant or more submissive like a weird kinky practice session. Focus more on the experience you’d like to have with individuals who are already either submissive or dominant and know their strengths and weaknesses in those roles.

    Focus on those who you already know that you enjoy their company and that they will remain safe during kink sessions and not push you unconsensually past your limits. Decide on a couple of types of kinks you’d like to explore or indulge in—like sensory deprivation, light bondage, and breath play—and spend time in both the submissive and dominant role.   

    As the would-be lovechild of Grace Jones and Morrissey, Atlanta-native Dakota Harper now dazzles privately as Philadelphia, PA’s premier professional kinky switch escort and alternative lifestyle companion. With an affinity for everything from old school anime to high end lingerie, a velvet touch and a honey tongue, she’s sure to leave a lingering impression in more ways than one. Get in touch and make her your new Muse de Mid-day today via DateDakotaHarper@gmail.com.

    Follow Dakota Harper on:

    Website: http://www.DakotaHarperVIP.com

    Twitter: http://www.Twitter.com/DakotaHarperVIP

    Instagram: http://www.Instagram.com/DakotaHarperVIP

    http://www.Dakota-Harper.tryst.com

    https://www.slixa.com/pennsylvania/philadelphia/dakota-harper

    https://theartofsubmission.com/artist/switch-dakota-harper/

    Images courtesy of Dakota Harper

    Like to be featured on SimplySxy? Drop us an email at editorial@SimplySxy.com!

  • What It Means To Being A Switch

    What It Means To Being A Switch

    Kink and alternative lifestyles are arenas for exploration of life and sexuality. In my opinion, being into kink can add renewed excitement and lust for life. It is thrilling to discover the many ways we can play with the body and mind with everything from costumes to riding crops to psychological manipulation.

    After fifty shades of grey, kink seems to have moved from the fringes of society into average Joe’s bedroom, a development I feel ambivalent towards. On one hand, I am happy to see more people introduced to the delights of kink. On the other hand, I am mildly concerned that people who are not really into kink might feel pressured into doing it because everyone else is or it’s cool at the moment. I believe kink is best when motivated by personal desire with matching, consenting partner(s).

    Whats It’s Like To Be A Switch

    As a switch, I feel empowered and liberated both by giving up control and by taking on full control. In everyday life, I feel more flexible, and able to have a deeper understanding of power dynamics.

    The idea of releasing control and exploring the intersection of pleasure and pain always appealed to me. I tend to be more on the submissive side in my personal sex life, and get extremely turned on by being spanked, slapped, tied up, having my hair pulled and so on. I love having someone take charge and bend me into different positions and fuck me hard. Since I am a pretty bossy lady, it can be liberating not to think about what to do, but instead, just being in the moment with a partner who directs the show.

    After leaning more towards the submissive side for years, I started playing with being dominant and discovered the pleasure and excitement in having someone give up control to me. The thrill of designing an experience in which you take your partner to his edge (and beyond) is an amazing high. I now love being dominant, in particular in sex work, because I enjoy providing the space for a client to explore the sides of himself that he does not get to act out in his ordinary life. Since I know firsthand what the sub experience is like, I feel I can more easily provide this for clients and lovers.

    Preference For Being Dominant Or Submissive

    I usually prefer to be submissive in my personal life and dominant at work. For me, being a submissive requires a large amount of trust, something that builds up within time, and therefore I tend to save my submissive side for private encounters or client relationships where trust has been built. As a dominatrix, I love designing experiences for my clients based on their submissive desires.

    Kink Activities I Love

    I love spanking, both giving and receiving. I enjoy the different types of delicious pain inflicted by a hand, a paddle, riding crop, and flogger. A flogger is probably my favorite.

    As a sub, besides spanking, I love being flipped into different positions, getting tied up or held down, as well as using a blindfold, getting my hair pulled, nipples pinched hard, and light slapping.

    As a domme, besides the spanking, I enjoy taking control and putting my partner into different positions for me to physically take charge, pin him down, and fuck him with a strap on. Other things I enjoy as a domme is using a collar and leash, nipple torture, slave training, cock and ball torture and ball busting.

    Anal play, strap on, foot fetish and trampling are some of the requests I get the most these days.

    Characteristics Of A Good Sub

    A good sub gets turned on by the idea of giving up control to their partner. A good sub is in it voluntarily for his or her own pleasure, not to please a partner. He or she is open-minded, willing and able to suspend control, obedient, and eager to explore their sexuality.  A good sub is also clear about their boundaries, and soft and hard limits, so the domme knows what to avoid and where to tread with caution.

    Tips To Be A Switch

    I would not say it is easy being a switch, since it involves knowing oneself deeply and the ability to perform a complete role reversal. However, it gives me so many options and has most certainly added color and excitement to my life.

    If someone is keen to become a switch, I suggest they do their research and find what turns them on by the idea of being a submissive, and by being a dominant. Then, I recommend experimenting with a partner they completely trust, or hire a professional to explore with in a safe environment.

    Nina Nyx – Nina Nyx is a Sydney based Scandinavian escort, masseuse, and dominatrix. Nina is an all-natural, curvy blonde, deeply passionate about traveling, writing, massage, alternative rock, yoga, dancing, and sexploration.

    Follow Nina Nyx on:

    Website: www.ninanyx.com
    Twitter: https://twitter.com/ninanyxxx

    New session: For the man and/or woman curious of exploring being a switch, I am now offering switch sessions.

    Images courtesy of Nina Nyx

    Like to be featured on SimplySxy? Drop us an email at editorial@SimplySxy.com!

  • What It Means To Be A Switch In BDSM

    What It Means To Be A Switch In BDSM

    As I’m living an alternative lifestyle, being a porn star and a legal courtesan, I think it is safe to say that I fully embrace it. As long as the Kink and lifestyle is consensual and all parties derive pleasure from the experience – I am all for it.

    What It’s Like Being A Switch

    Over time I have learned that, while I am a natural submissive, I also thoroughly enjoy being a Domme. Since I enjoy, and seek out both roles, I am a “Switch”. I found I can cum, just from being spanked. I found that I really get off on tying someone up and pushing their boundaries. I enjoy having my own boundaries pushed and pushing those of my partner. I would hate to be locked into one role. Switching from my natural sub role, to one of Domme gave me a new respect for that role; I never realized how much work and responsibility went into being a good Domme. When you are the sub, doing tasks at your Domme’s direction, you tend to feel that you are the one doing all the work – I learned that pushing another’s boundaries takes a lot of care and insight. Coming up with tasks, punishments, and rewards requires thought and effort.

    Preference For Being A Dominant Or Submissive?

    That is a hard call. If you would have asked me a few years ago I would have answered without hesitation “submissive” … but now that I’ve discovered what a turn on it is being Domme, it is harder to decide. I can cum from being spanked or flogged however, so I think I would have to say my preference is still sub.

    Common Desires As A Domme

    It varies depending on the sub I’m with, what I like doing is finding and pushing the edges of their boundaries. It is exciting being a part of expanding their horizons.

    Characteristics Of A Good Sub

    First and foremost, they have to be aware of their own limits, that have to be able to communicate, even more they have to be comfortable communicating, they have to feel free letting the Domme know when a limit has been reached, their musts have and not be afraid to use safe words. They have to know that using a safe word will not itself lead to a punishment. I guess I can sum up the answer with a single word: Communication.

    Is Being A Switch Easy?

    I wouldn’t say it is easy, but it is very rewarding.

    Catrina Costa – Get to know the woman behind the smile. Your fantasy is my pleasure, come be my VIP. I enjoy getting to know people, am quirky, and love to laugh. I believe sex is natural, an adventure, and something everyone deserves to experience, to enjoy, and to explore. Whether it be through companionship as a courtesan, or through my erotic films, I like to share this exploration and adventure with others. Some might consider it my mission.

    Follow me on:

    Website: http://CatrinaCosta.com
    Twitter: https://twitter.com/thecatrinacosta

    Lover Ranch: http://www.loveranch.net/north/catrina-costa.html
    Model Centro: http://CatrinaCosta.modelcentro.com

    Clips4Sale http://clips4sale.com/studio/102429/

    If you want to come in and see me in person, I’m always willing to give a free tour of the Love Ranch North brothel just outside Carson City, Nevada.

    Images courtesy of Catrina Costa

    Like to be featured on SimplySxy? Drop us an email at editorial@SimplySxy.com!

  • Submissive Play In A BDSM Relationship

    Submissive Play In A BDSM Relationship

    I knew I was a kinkster since I was 8 or 9 years old, around the same time that I discovered masturbation (I was an early bloomer raised in a sexually safe environment), but I never understood what BDSM was until late in high school. My parents always emphasized the importance of safety and consent in our discussions on sex and sexuality. They never called sex shameful, and those lessons have stayed with me throughout my development as a sexual being.

    I’ve always had a positive view of BDSM, but I didn’t start exploring it until a few years ago right before I started livestreaming. I discovered that I’m a switch: I find pleasure in Dominating and submitting to other people, and I’ve experienced both roles online and in person. I’ve submitted to Dom/mes in single scenes (sessions in which kinksters engage in in BDSM activities), in typical relationships, and as a 24/7 sex toy. Dom/sub relationships are built on trust and respect, and healthy kinksters develop deep bonds beyond friendship and love.

    2

    Characteristics Of A Sub

    It’s all about power. Subs voluntarily relinquish their autonomy to their Dominant partner(s), and their Dominant partner is expected to respect their rules and boundaries. Some subs are very obedient while others require training or conquering. Developing a safe, healthy Dom/sub relationship takes a long time, and the safest subs are always ultimately in control.

    There’s no such thing as an “average” Dom/sub relationship. Common titles for subs include slave, pet, bitch, toy, sissy, and whore, and Master, Sir, Owner, Mistress, Goddess, Princess, and Queen, are all common titles for Dom/mes. There are three basic types of Dom/sub relationships: bedroom, lifestyle, and professional. A bedroom D/s relationship involves the people setting times and boundaries for when they take on Dom/me and sub roles. This can include couples who occasionally get into kink, people who do scenes (play sessions) frequently, and those who only play at parties and dungeons.

    The rest of the time, they behave like typical 21st century couples. Lifestyle Dom/sub relationships are the most intense. Slaves and pets are the most common type of lifestyle subs. Lifestyle kinksters live their roles 24/7. Subs often assume “normal” roles in the workplace, but when at home or with their partners they engage in compliant roles. Professional is pretty self explanatory – you pay someone else for their services as a Dom/me, sub, or switch. Professional subs talk to their clients and establish rules and boundaries before a scene. Adaptability is key, and you must have a firm grasp of your limits.

    Misconceptions About Dom/sub Relationships

    There’s a widespread assumption that all submissives are damaged people that suffered abuse as children and that all Dom/mes are sickos willing to take advantage of them. Yes, some submissives (and Dominants) have experienced abuse, but a Dom/sub relationship is not inherently abusive. As a person who has (miraculously) not experienced sexual abuse, I had no reason to associate my BDSM experiences with trauma until very recently.

    I’m concerned with the influence of 50 Shades of Grey on novice kinksters because it depicts a Dom that does not respect his sub’s safe word – the gravest sin in the BDSM world.  While I definitely understand the appeal, I wish 50 Shades had presented readers with a healthier example. Also, most couples don’t use a contract unless they’re 24/7 kinksters.

    Knowing The Right Dom

    First, you need to have overlapping interests. A Dom who craves an obedient slave will not be happy with a resistant brat, and a masochistic sub will not be satisfied with a Dom who doesn’t like pain play. The healthiest relationships I’ve seen developed are within the larger kink community. I believe it’s crucial for subs to have other kinksters in their social circle so that they can keep an eye on one another. I was in an intense Dom/sub relationship (we rushed into it) that turned abusive, and I wouldn’t have left if I didn’t have other kinky friends to point out my Dom’s psychologically manipulative actions. I’ve been fortunate that the trauma associated with that Dom only lasted for six months. You don’t have to be in love with your Dom in order to have a satisfying, meaningful relationship.

    Common BDSM Acts

    The most common BDSM acts include restraint (bondage with ropes, handcuffs, tape, cuffs and collars, ball gags, etc), fantasy situations (rape play, roleplay, power-reversals like a secretary dominating her boss, etc), assuming sexual control (forced oral sex, pegging – anal with a strap-on for men), cuckolding (partner pursues sexual relationships outside of partnership), chastity, and verbal and physical humiliation and degradation. Pain play is used by sadists and masochists and includes paddling, spanking, whips, scratching toys, needles, and electricity. Pet roles – pony play, puppy play, etc – and age play are more specific relationship styles.

    Safe words must be respected. Some people choose a single word for “stop” while others use red-yellow-green (stop, slow down, keep going).

    Types Of Punishments

    Each relationship comes with it’s own set of rules. For many subs, pain is the preferred form of punishment. Spanking is the most common method. Other methods include flogging, paddling, caning, bondage, and scratching. However, painful acts are not always performed for disciplinary reasons. A masochistic sub may enjoy a thorough spanking at 60% of their Dom’s strength but find extreme discomfort in spanks at 80% of their Dom’s strength.

    For some subs, especially non-masochists, tasks like sitting in an uncomfortable position, extra exercises (“drop and give me twenty!”), and doing something embarrassing are frequently used as punishments. You can be a masochist and not be submissive, and you don’t have to be masochistic to be a sub.

    Emilia Song – I’ve been a cam and clips model on and off since 2013 on Chaturbate, Skype (via CamModelDirectory.com), ManyVids, and Streamate. I do public shows and one-on-ones, and I specialize in Domination and submission, roleplay, sexual/sensual language (jerk off instructions, degradation, dirty talk, small penis humiliation, etc), and pain play. Off-cam I’m an artist and a political activist, and I write for The Live Times, a blog devoted to the adult livestreaming industry’s news, controversial topics, and interviews.

    Follow Emilia on:

    Personal site – www.emiliasong.com

    Twitter – @EmiliaSongCam

    The Live Times – thelivetimes.blogspot.com

    Chaturbate – Bit.ly/EmiSongCB

    Skype – www.cammodeldirectory.com/model/Emilia-Song

    ManyVids – emiliasong.manyvids.com

    Images courtesy of Emilia Song
    Have an amazing experience or tips you like to share on SimplySxy? Drop us an email at editorial@SimplySxy.com!