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Tag: submissive

  • What It’s Like To Be A Switch

    What It’s Like To Be A Switch

    I think discovering kink allows a lot of people to discover parts of themselves that normally society may not encourage or cannot understand. In that sense, perhaps a lot of “hardcore” kinksters are seen to live alternative lifestyles and for some part that maybe true, for others like myself, I see my lifestyle as most conventional with an underlying kinky tone rather than dictated by kink. I ride and compete my horse, I walk my dog, I do sports and art and enjoy learning … but in the right situations, I also have a lifestyle Mistress, get caned, dress up in latex and stand on men.

    It’s a delicate balance and perhaps I am not the norm in the kink or vanilla world, but does that make my lifestyle alternative? My personal thoughts on alternative lifestyles is that people should focus on being the best and happiest versions of themselves, if that involves being “alternative”, then great, do that. 

    I don’t think everyone is designed to have a conventional lifestyle that’s dictated by society’s norms. Personally, I always struggled to maintain relationships until I tried a completely D/s dynamic and realised a vanilla relationship structure was the issue, and not necessarily my ability to sustain a relationship. 

    How I First Started Exploring Kink

    Funnily enough, it took me to the age of 21 to realise being spanked, slapped, choked and tied up in the bedroom was not normal. I have always been attracted to those who can challenge me intellectually and who ooze confidence. I have also always shown submissive traits in that I am a masochist, I love making my partner happy and I have always had an ability to subtly tease (especially in vanilla settings), and combined, it’s like having a Dom-dar. 

    Realizing I Was A Switch

    I only really have started to accept my switchy side in the last few years since having a supportive partner who has encouraged me to do whatever I want to try. As someone who originally thought I was purely submissive, it has been hard to accept that around submissive men. I naturally take control of a situation and that I do enjoy playing the Dominant role in my own style. I went through a rough stage a few years ago of rejecting the switch status because I felt it made me less of a slave/sub but in reality, it is the submissive facet that enables me to switch so well.

    I can manipulate a sub easily because I can relate to their emotions in the scene, I know when they need to breathe whilst being hit or when they probably want a tender touch because I have been there myself. It took me a while to full embrace all my facets but I feel so much more at peace with myself now that I understand all my different headspaces (slave, sub, little, Domme, Brat, rope bunny etc.), how to move between them and that just because with different people I can embrace different parts of myself, it does not make the other parts any “less”. 

    Misconceptions About Being A Switch

    That being a Switch makes you less of a Domme/Sub. If anything, I think it gives you better insight and understanding into your play partner which allows for more intense interactions. It would be like saying being good at playing sports makes you a bad supporter. Also, it’s worth noting there is no one way to Dominate, no one way to submit, and there’s also no one way to switch.

    Some people can change mindsets mid-session and go from slave to head teacher. Others need clear boundaries or perhaps, only one dynamic with each play partner. Like everything in kink, there is no black/white structure, it’s just about exploring who you are, finding playmates who are into the same activities as you and having fun with it. 

    Is It Difficult To Be A Switch?

    I think knowing how to be both parts really helps the other. For example, when I am with my Mistress, I know how emotionally tiring subs can be or how it feels to have someone be bratty when you’re tired from a long day and I can use that knowledge to better myself as a sub and make Her life more enjoyable. Alternatively, when I am with boys in a more Domme mindset, I know why they might be bratting or overly emotional, I know that if their breathing is erratic, they will feel sensations differently. I know that when a sub feels vulnerable, they may not be able to ask for the hug they really need but they want it. I can use my personal experience as a sub to help me make sure that they have a magical time and that they are properly prepared for whatever I have planned because I know what it will feel like to be in their shoes.

    I don’t often switch in the same session because I personally struggle to see people on both sides of the spectrum without my mindsets leaking into each other. That said, I find those looking for switching sessions are actually looking for a playful hedonistic partner with a power struggle aspect which is something I personally love. Labels such as Domme, Sub and Switch can sometimes make it harder because not everyone truly understands what they want and a lot of my clients are more fetishists than Dommes or Subs, meaning they are looking for a more playful session that embraces their particular kinks but feel the need to catagorise themselves as Dom or Sub for the sake of labels. 

    Recommendations For Aspiring Switches

    Forget labels and just explore, you don’t have to fit into any particular box, when you can (have a consensual partner available) explore everything you’re interested in safely, you’ll start to discover your different facets and all the kinks and mindsets that you enjoy. 

    Rabbit T – I am a professional submissive who can provide the full GFE to outcalls in the London, Manchester and Bedford areas. I am not offering incalls at this time due to moving home and getting my new place organised.

    I offer kinky companion, spankee, submissive and escort services in these areas on dates according to my schedule and travel plans. Arrangements are best made in advance to ensure my availability.

    Follow Rabbit on

    Twitter: @Little_rabbit_t

    Onlyfans: @little_rabbit_t

    Website: www.down-the-rabbit-hole.co.uk

    Tours: City of London 28th – 30th April

    Images courtesy of Rabbit T

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  • What I Love About Being A Submissive

    What I Love About Being A Submissive

    Kink has always been a huge part of my life and is very close to my heart. My personal views towards life in general but also towards kink and alternate lifestyles is… Do whatever you want as long as you’re not hurting yourself or others…make sure everything is always safe, sane, and consensual. And the best way to do that is with EDUCATION!

    You cannot consent to something if you do not know what it is, which is why education is HUGE for me with BDSM. I have played as a submissive for around 10 years, as well as worked on and off camera, as a professional submissive and done sex work in general for about five years now and I am always learning and educating myself further. 

    How I Got Started Into BDSM

    I have always been into the darker things in life. Growing up I would have labeled myself as goth, and truly saw the beauty in all things dark and creepy. I have always had submissive tendencies my entire life. It might have started from watching porn as a teen; my favourite starlets were Sasha Grey and Bonnie Rotten who usually performed in very hardcore BDSM scenes, and I always thought to myself, “I WANT TO DO THAT!”

    It was my dream to become a pornstar one day, although life got in the way and I got caught up in the wonderful world of FSSW working as a professional submissive (but that’s another story for another day). I am back on track of achieving my dream to become a pornstar. My biggest goal is to work with kink.com and I’m hoping once the world settles down, that I can make this dream a reality.

    Aside from porn, Tumblr was also a huge influence on me being attracted to BDSM (I met my first “online” Dom from Tumblr) and found many more pornstars, kinks/fetishes, and BDSM education from Tumblr (like links to books, videos, and other BDSM educators) and from there I found Fetlife (if you don’t know about it, Fetlife is basically Facebook for kinky people), new partners, all while continuing to educate myself on the subject.

    My first real life Dom partner was someone I met online and probably a mistake. We both were not educated enough at the time, and a lot went wrong in that relationship. This is why I’m such a stickler for telling people that education is key to consent! You can end up in really horrible situations and get very hurt, if you’re not educating yourself before meeting someone and playing. 

    Did Being A Sub Come Naturally?

    Yes, I have always had very submissive qualities even in platonic vanilla relationships. I live to please everyone around me. I am also constantly told that “this is what I was born to do, I live to please.” by numerous people that I have encountered through out my life.

    Even my parents say “I’m great at helping people and that I love to help people”. I’m just a natural born pleaser, and I always aim to please in all aspects of my life.

    My Favorite Kinks & Fetishes

    Some of my favourite kinks/fetishes are:

    • Shoes (pleasure heels)
    • Piss play 
    • Pain play
    • Humiliation / degradation 
    • Bimbofication
    • Cuckolding 
    • Hotwifing 

    I love shoes, I only recently realized that it’s an actual fetish… I love to wear them as a form of bondage and I love to clean and lick other women’s heels, I find it degrading to be treated as less than everyone else and to serve “real women” by licking their heels clean. Plus with my oral fixation, I love to deepthroat and gag on women’s heels. I don’t know why, I just love it! I guess it’s the degradation that really gets me going. Which is another big one for me.

    I love being humiliated and degraded, and doing things publicly is my favourite. I love when everyone is staring at me and freaking out, and I guess I’m just an attention whore at heart. I love anything to do with pee play, getting peed on, drinking it, pissing myself, I love all of it. It makes me feel dirty and used in ways that other fluids just can’t LOL.

    Bimbofication for me just goes hand in hand with humiliation and degradation, being a goth slut forced to look like a pretty Barbie, is probably the best humiliation punishment you can give me.  

    Hotwifing is similar to cuck holding, except my partner is not a cuck. They enjoy watching me act like a slut and I do not humiliate them in anyway. For cuckolding I enjoy being the cuck, I like to watch my Dom or partner be with other women, it’s a huge turn on for me.

    Lastly, pain play. I think it basically comes with the territory of being a submissive but I truly get a release and high after doing a very intense scene. It’s almost like an out of body experience and I live for that feeling. Just like an athlete, I’m always trying to push myself and my limits always trying to do better and achieve more. It really is like a sport for me. 

    How I Explored My Limits & Knowledge

    I’m constantly educating myself every day, as you can never stop learning. I am always watching videos, reading books, and attending events where I can learn more. As for IRL exploration, I only play with safe trusted and educated partners when exploring my kinks and fetishes.

    I have a long distance Dom/Top friend who used to “own” me in the submissive term. However, the distance was rough for me and we only play together when we can now. However, he is the only one I trust right now to really push my limits pain wise and see how far I can go, and this is after years of getting to know each other and a confirmed list of limits, that we always adjust as needed.

    Aside from that, I do have a few Domme female friends that have gotten to know me very well and I can always trust them to help me explore as well, and we usually play together at kink events.

    Important Tips For Submissives

    Please pleaseee educate yourself before playing. And by education I do not mean watching 50 Shades of Grey…. Actually, first of all, please wait until you’re 18+ before you start playing and exploring. I know it sucks to wait but that gives you lots of time to educate yourself and learn everything you can about BDSM before exploring in real life.

    There are many great BDSM educators on YouTube now. Evie lupine being one of my favourites. Although online content is great for education, please also read books, and if you can find your local dungeon and take some classes. Education is key to consent because you can’t consent to something if you don’t know what it is.

    If you make an account on Fetlife you can find local events, dungeons and education classes in your area. It’s a great tool to find events where you can educate yourself and explore. Please please please for the love of Satan, do not treat Fetlife as a dating website. I don’t recommend meeting people of Fetlife. Use it to find events and education classes in your area, and meet people that way (and then you can add each other on Fetlife of course)

    But please, it is not a dating website so don’t treat it as such, and I can promise you the people that don’t follow this rule on Fetlife are not the people you want to be “meeting” or “exploring” with. There are dangerous people all over the internet, that’s why education is key!

    Vera Lynn – Toronto’s favourite submissive fetish model. She ditched the 9-5 lifestyle to enjoy a happy life working as an Adult content creator, fetish model, and professional submissive. In her spare time She loves learning more about BDSM, attending BDSM / fetish events, and going to concerts with her friends.

    For all my online content and submissive / kinky stuff you can follow me as Vera Lynn. I’m vl_fetmodel on every platform and you can find photo shoots and links to all my content platforms on my website VeraLynn.ca

    Website: veralynn.ca

    Twitter: @vl_fetmodel

    Instagram: @vl_fetmodel 

    Images courtesy of Vera Lynn

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  • Here’s What You Need To Know About Being A Brat In BDSM

    Here’s What You Need To Know About Being A Brat In BDSM

    We’re all familiar with the concept of a spoiled brat, but do you know what it means to be a brat in BDSM? For submissives who want to spice it up a little during sex play, being a brat can be exhilarating, as you get to let your naturally playful personality shine while engaging in BDSM. Moreover, being a brat is a great way to get your dom’s attention, since you have to playfully provoke them to get the reaction that you desire. If you want to take on a submissive role that’s a bit sassier than usual, here’s what you need to know about being a brat in BDSM.

    What does it mean to be a brat?

    A submissive who’s a brat loves to push their dom’s buttons by breaking the rules. But it’s not about being blatantly disobedient – it’s more about being mischievous. Your dom is called a brat-tamer, and the brat-tamer’s role is to punish the brat for bad behavior, usually with some impact play, prolonged edging, or restraints. During a scene, a brat can be a spoiled student who refuses to listen to their teacher, or a little girl who doesn’t want to follow what their daddy says, so it also works if you have a DDLG dynamic. 

    Before engaging in brat and brat-tamer BDSM, talk to your dom about it so that they know how to respond accordingly to your behavior and to have some rules in place. Next, get into the submissive head space by wearing kinky clothing and accessories, such as kawaii lingerie, a school girl outfit, some thigh highs, or a collar. Once you’ve established boundaries and are properly geared up, get ready to act out a scene with your dom.

    How to act it out

    To act all bratty, start by pestering your dom while they’re engaged in other tasks. Try sending a naked picture of yourself while they’re on a call, or if they’re at work, send them naughty text messages demanding for them to come home so they can pamper you. You can also refuse or ignore commands, or do something to rile your dom up. For instance, you can fling their shoes towards the other side of the room, and tell your dom, “Yes, I threw your shoes. What are you gonna do about it, daddy?” Say it with a grin, and in a cheeky way, rather than in a bitchy manner. You can also speak in a higher tone to engage your bratty side. Later, take your punishment like the spoiled baby that you are.

    Being a brat makes being a submissive extra fun, so try the brat/brat-tamer dynamic with your dom the next time you engage in BDSM. Be playful, have fun with it, and unleash your inner brat to get what you desire.      

    Photo by Artem Labunsky on Unsplash

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  • What It’s Like To Be A Slave

    What It’s Like To Be A Slave

    Kink, BDSM and submission are an integral part to my identity and it’s not something I just practice in the bedroom. It’s a lifestyle and I would be deeply unhappy if I ignored this part of myself.

    My Journey Into Kink…

    I already had submissive desires when I was still a child. I noticed this when playing games like cops and robbers, as I liked getting chased and caught and I had fantasies about being tied up or restrained. At first, I didn’t know what this meant. Though I realized rather quickly that it wasn’t ‘normal’ for everyone to feel like this.

    I struggled with insomnia from a young age and my parents gave me a television so I could watch something to help me fall asleep. So on one night that I couldn’t sleep, I ended up on a sex documentary in which a woman was trying to spice up her sex life. She went to a rather big sex store, visited a dungeon and tried out a kidnapping scenario. At some point, the term kink was mentioned and suddenly I had something to identify with.  

    I remember playing with my Lego one day and as I tied this tiny Lego man I realized I was way too young to be involved in anything kinky. Simultaneously, I felt like my thoughts and desires were disgraceful and told myself that no one could ever find out. I was really afraid of what would happen if my parents knew so I tried to bury my feelings and forget I ever had them.

    I was able to repress my desires for months at a time but no matter what I did, they would always resurface. I found that it was easiest for me if I didn’t think about kink at all but when I did, I would go onto the internet and read erotica or search in forums.

    I hated being restricted by my age and literally counted down the years until I turned 18. Luckily, I was able to legally join another BDSM site when I was 16, where I got to speak to a Dom of around my age and who lived in my local area. He set me some tasks and I tried candle wax for the first time but I soon realized I identified as a lesbian and it didn’t feel right continuing a D/s type thing with him.

    I couldn’t get in contact with any female dominants and stopped looking until I was 18 and able to join Collarme and Fetlife. Over the years, I spoke to a lot of accounts and people on the internet but none of those ever turned into what I hoped. The real change came for me when I went to a kink event at the start of 2020. Here, I was finally able to meet real people who were open minded and had some form of interest in kink that I could relate to.

    What It Means To Be A Slave

    I never thought I was a slave and was very opposed to the idea of being one whenever anyone suggested I might be. In my mind, a slave was someone who had no mind of her own and would follow all commands without question. I have my own opinions, likes and dislikes and didn’t want to be like that. While I was 100% certain of my submissive nature, being a slave went a bit too far.

    The first time I spoke to a Mistress (when I was 18), she suggested I might be a slave after speaking to me for just a few days. I disagreed to some extend, arguing I had my own will and thus she called me a Slave, specifically with a capital S. When she said that I paused and opened up to the idea slightly. Maybe being a slave didn’t mean having to be mindless?

    We lost touch and for a few years, I forgot about kinky terms completely, though remained certain I wanted to be someone’s submissive. It wasn’t until I started speaking to an online dominant when I was 22 that the term slave came up again. Similarly to the Mistress I’d spoken to, this dominant thought there was no question about my nature as a slave but once again, I was very reluctant to agree.

    I think I was scared of the meaning of the word and what this would say about me. I was raised to be a strong and independent woman, yet here I was, craving to let someone else take control and to put their desires above mine. It was only after someone consistently showed me that it’s okay to have these desires that I was able to start accepting myself. 

    One of the tasks I was once set was to write the word slave on each of my wrists and to keep it there for an entire day. I went to the shop with my mum that day and felt incredibly self-conscious about my little secret. However, I was surprised to find that it made me feel good and even a little aroused, rather than anxious or embarrassed. This was one of the first moments that I felt connected to the term and in extension to a part of myself that I’d been repressing for so long.

    I didn’t completely settle on wanting to be a slave then. Instead, I decided to simply see where things would take me. I did several tasks and explored different things and naturally found that I was rather suited to being a slave. I fully started identifying with the term when I stopped feeling ashamed and accepted myself for who I am.

    My Experience & Sessions

    I write about most of the tasks and sessions I’ve done on my blog. These have included needles, hot sauce, staples or even simply writing lines but I can share something I haven’t written about yet.

    The second time I got to play with my current Mistress in person, she took me through two rooms in a dungeon and we did a few different things, first using a cross, then a suspension frame for a crotch rope and a spanking bench. All of it was fun, and then she sat down somewhere, took off her shoes and said it was time for me to lick her feet now. I don’t have a foot worship fetish at all, nor do I particularly like feet. She made a point of having worked out in her shoes that day, meaning her feet were smelly so I could clean them now. So I kneeled by her side and started licking / sucking her feet, which I’d never done before for anyone. And so my mind switched between worrying about whether I was doing it right and between the realisation that I was licking someone’s feet, which did in fact smell a little. Yet as I was doing it, and upon realising that I was actively pleasing her, I noticed that I enjoyed it and naturally slipped into my role as a slave.

    People often ask me what I’m into and my interests are very broad. However, the thing I enjoy most is pleasing my Mistress, even if that’s through something I personally dislike doing, such as pleasing her feet.

    Misconceptions About Slaves

    The biggest misconception I’m constantly faced with comes from people who say that my sexuality doesn’t matter because I’m a slave. In other words, even though I’m a lesbian, they claim I should serve men the same way I can serve women (sexually and non-sexually). And so the real misconception here is that I don’t have a choice because I’m a slave.

    People think that being a slave means you can be used by anyone and should be grateful if someone does. Everyone forgets that I choose to submit and that I choose the person who I submit to. I only choose to be the slave of said person and we make our own arrangements within that dynamic.

    Advice & Tips To Explore Being A Slave

    If there is one thing I wish I had done sooner, it’s attending local munches and kink events. My advice to anyone looking to explore kink is therefore be to attend local events, as this will hopefully provide you with a community. When you’re new to kink and interested in exploring the role of a slave, you can be very vulnerable and unfortunately, there are a lot of people out there looking to take advantage of you.

    You can help prevent this from happening by surrounding yourself with the right people and in the local community people are being held accountable and can’t hide behind a screen. Of course, this is not possible at the moment so in the meantime, I would suggest having a look at different resources on the internet. I believe blogs in particular can be very valuable, as you’ll find ‘normal’ people writing about their experiences with kink and you can join in with the conversation.

    My biggest tip is to try and connect with people, as they will help you embrace the wonderful lifestyle you might have been ashamed of all this time.

    I’m ML, a 25-year old lesbian slave and blog about my journey. Roxy is my Mistress and I’m very excited to explore this new chapter with her. I’m a masochist and star in corporal punishment clips, such as caning, whipping and spanking. Please contact me if you are interested in a custom or want to hire me. Lastly, please check out my Onlyfans

    Follow MLSlavePuppet on

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    I take custom video requests and can be hired for video projects with others.

    For custom videos, https://twitter.com/Carnalfilms

    Images from MLSlavePuppet

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  • Why I Believe In Female Superiority

    Why I Believe In Female Superiority

    As far back as I can remember I always felt that Women were superior to men and that their natural position is to rule over men. I’ve always had an irresistible need to serve and obey Women. To be slapped, whipped and put to work through protocol, to be guided, trained and disciplined by a strong Woman is natural for me.

    Once again, protocol is essential for I live to slave and must slave to live. The physical glamour, stilettos, and leather always represents superiority, strength, intelligence, and beauty.

    I think that kink and the alternative lifestyle serves as a tool to bring people together, allowing the savage within to come out and express itself as it may.

    How My Interest In Female Superiority Started

    Long before puberty, I looked up to Women and recognized their dominance, therefore I wanted to serve, obey, be disciplined and ruled by a Woman. So being submissive wasn’t forced but rather, alive inside of me. It was, and is natural. I am built that way and I recognize and accept the fact that it is who I am. It is a necessary component of myself, and that strengths me in my endeavours to submit to Women.

    Exploring Female Superiority

    In my adolescence years, I displayed humility to women when having the shit slapped out of me while subduing the feeling of getting on my knees and licking their boots And kissing their feet and how good it would have felt to be whipped unmercifully and left to worship them and being put to work.

    In my teens, I went to prostitutes to be disciplined, slapped, whipped with a belt and boot, and foot worshipped. But from there, I went to New York where I experienced a professional Dominatrix with a no sex protocol, Florentine Whipping, obedience training. And would continue to go to New York on a regular bases. All the way from Chicago.

    Why I Believe In Female Superiority

    I have a need for female authority to serve domestically, to be ruled and disciplined, to serve her and make her life easier. Her satisfaction is my goal. To honor, obey, love and protect.

    What I Have Done So Far For My Dommes

    Wait on her hand and foot, and domestic service. Giving myself, time dedication and devotion.

    What It Takes To Be A Good Submissive

    Willingness is the key along with protocol, and communication, a fervor to serve and a spirit to obey.

    Currently, I’m seeking to have a dominatrix in a Collared LifeTime Relationship 24/7. Someone special, and I am retired willing and able to relocate in the U.S. or abroad.

    Though communication is essential, as a slave I should be seen and not heard, my possessions are turned over to my Mistress. I will work diligently at my assigned task, and the luxury and pleasure goes to my Mistress and the chores and ass kickings goes to me. I will make sure that her boots and shoes are cleaned with saddle soap and shined properly at all times and strive to do her bidding.

    Currently I’m seeking to be collared in a 24/7 relationship

    Joel – I am a small, petit black male 510 ht, 165lbs, in my early 60s, kink wise I’m into servitude and corporal, hobbies are cooking, grilling, and barbecue, reading, book club, movies, music,, concerts, traveling, and entertaining cooking having people over, playing cards, interest language and martial arts. I’m fit in good health.

    Featured image from Shutterstock

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  • How Do We Embrace Our Sexual Desires?

    How Do We Embrace Our Sexual Desires?

    The human mind is a complex, crazy, beautiful thing that can be both aware and unaware of its processes. Each one of us is designed differently. The differences between us make us unique but we are, by nature, always comparing ourselves to others. And when your sexual desires and urges don’t match up with everyone else’s, we assume that something is wrong with us. We become aware that we’re different and most of us translate that into being wrong.

    Are you actually wrong? Is there truly something wrong with being different? Right and wrong are strong feelings that we get from ideas or situations. Some of those feelings are learned and some come naturally. If the sexual desires that you have feel right, then how could that be wrong?

    I am not a psychologist, but I have been down this path and I’ve met a lot of people in my line of work who are also on this path. It takes a lot to be completely at peace with kinks or niche fetishes. Depending on how you were raised, there can be a lot of shame that comes along with these unique fantasies or any type of sexuality in general. Sexuality plays a small role in who we are as people, but it gets so much focus from ourselves and the outside world. If our sexual desires are met, we are apt to function better and be more productive in our lives. But if sexual desires are buried down inside, they start to eat away at us and almost consume us. The combination of not having our needs met and the constant fear of being judged by others is a poisonous mix. But how do you get over it?

    Since the growing ease of access to the internet in the 1990’s, people have been able to find like-minded people around the world. From hobbies, to experiences, to fetishes and kinks, the internet has given a lot of us a sense of connection and an outlet for our non-conventional desires. It allows us to see that we’re not alone in our thoughts, which makes us feel less isolated. But is that enough?

    Within the past decade, BDSM has become very popularized and normalized among the general public. A once taboo sexual outlet is now embraced by a younger generation. We’re now finding that people from all generations fantasize about the idea of some type of power exchange. More and more people no longer feel ashamed to be vocal about these kinks and desires. We can attribute this change to the book, Fifty Shades of Grey. A book that told the story of a power dynamic between a submissive female character and a dominant male character. The book sparked a conversation about a fantasy most of us were having. But unfortunately, that particular power dynamic is the only one widely accepted or even commonly known of. What happens to everyone else in the BDSM world who aren’t a submissive female and a dominant male? Or even people who have fetishes outside of the traditional umbrella of BDSM?

    Those of us who fall under these categories often feel unknown, forgotten about, or dismissed which propels the notion that what we’re into is wrong. Myself and other female dominants as well as switches have been laughed off by other people in the BDSM community. I’ve met a lot of people in the BDSM world who will size you up and dismiss you for not being “real” in some regard to the lifestyle because your kink is different from theirs. Often, these are people who themselves have been alienated for one reason or another and find power in alienating others as a form of retribution. Which is very counterproductive in a group geared toward the acceptance of outsiders.

    This dismissal paired with the rejection of “taboo” sexual fantasies from the general public leads us to feel more shame and isolation. How do we embrace our sexual desires? It helps to embrace something when we can look at it from a logical standpoint with questions. Does my fantasy hurt me? Does it hurt others? Oftentimes, we realize that our fantasies are things we would never want to happen in real life. We merely enjoy the idea of it. Especially things that involve elements of non-consent or even fatality. Some fantasies aren’t even plausible in real life like regressing back into a baby or shrinking down and being eaten by a giant woman. Yes these are real, and very common, fantasies.

    Even though we know that some things can’t happen in real life, we’re still plagued by the fear of being found out and having that information used against us. Unfortunately, this is a real concern to have for some. If someone who has no idea or understanding of a certain taboo topic, they could perceive you as being a danger to others or yourself if they discovered that you were viewing that taboo material. That could affect your real life. The element of secrecy for those people doesn’t help them come to terms with their sexual desires but it doesn’t mean that they can’t accept themselves and their fantasies.

    Some of us want our fantasies to be kept private. Some of us want to share our desires with our sexual partners. It’s not easy to share with your partner that you dream of swallowing them whole or controlling them with a magic remote that turns them into a robot. And sometimes it seems impossible to share with your partner that you’re a male who enjoys being dominated by powerful women and you do very much want that to be incorporated with roleplay in the bedroom. If the weight of holding something back is holding you down, you need to express it. You need an outlet. Maybe it’s with a partner or a professional. Maybe it’s just a video or an online forum. But you need an outlet, we all do.

    I’ve met the people who never embrace their sexual desires. They try to suppress it and it comes out in their personality and in their relationships with others. They’re miserable and angry. They try to pass the blame off onto others, but truly it is their own unresolved issues. Please don’t let yourself be that person. Embracing our differences is difficult. It doesn’t happen overnight. It takes being able to retrain the way you think and respond to the feelings that you have and that only comes from practice. It’s been years and I’m still working on fully accepting my sexual kinks and nature. It might take the world a long time to fully learn and accept the full spectrum of human sexuality, but all you can do is work on yourself.

    Take solace in the fact that you’re not alone in your desires and know that your sexuality or fantasies do not define who you are as a person. Reality you and fantasy you are not the same. One is real and one is fiction. But both must be indulged to attain balance. If you feel you cannot achieve this balance alone, seek out a professional sexual mental health specialist. Vocalizing the issues that you’re having in a safe environment is a great way to identify where you’re holding yourself back and areas where you need to improve. We all deserve sexual happiness and self acceptance. Best of luck on your personal journey.

    Goddess Valora is an American adult entertainment performer, director, and producer. She is also a professionally trained Dominatrix and a webcam performer. Valora has won awards for her work and has worked for major companies such as Kink and Playboy. She has a diverse professional entertainment background ranging from print magazines, TV show hosting, voice acting, and having her written articles and interviews published. Valora also teaches business management and marketing in workshop settings. She offers consultation services for new and current performers.

    Follow Goddess Valora on

    Social media link: @GoddessValora on Twitter

    Websites:

    GoddessValora.com for general and session bookings

    IWantGoddessValora.com for POV Femdom videos

    ValoraFetish.com for niche fetish videos

    ValoraFemdom.com for traditional BDSM female domination videos

    BoysBound.com for gay male bondage and femdom male bondage videos

    Images from Hektek Desires and Victor Devilbliss

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  • How To Be A Good Submissive

    How To Be A Good Submissive

    I remember going to my first fetish party years ago. I remember my friend going to the bathroom and me standing awkwardly with our drinks around the bar, feeling excited but also intimidated by everyone. A group of people suddenly came up to me and asked me if it was my first time, I proclaimed it was and they said it was theirs too. Instantly, I felt at ease and we discussed many things: our kinks, experience, what we did for work, anything you could think of.

    I had never felt so comfortable talking to strangers about my kinks, especially while being half naked! I think it had a lot to do with the space and how safe I felt in it. The kink community holds so much importance on being welcoming, non-judgemental and offering a safe, sane and consensual space.

    It’s an atmosphere like no other.

    What It Means To Be A Sub

    There are many types of submissives, everyone is different in what they like and in their personality. D/s (Dominance/submission) activities are about a power exchange, to be a sub is to relinquish control to your Dom.

    Misconceptions About Submissives

    The media usually depicts the submissive as weak and abused. This is not the case, with D/s activities both the Dom and sub have equal power. The sub chooses to submit to the Dom under agreement that limits are respected. The Dom then chooses to take the Sub on the basis of the agreement. When limits are crossed, the agreement is breached, making the activity non consensual.

    A lot of people, like myself, enjoy subbing because they love to please and like to give up that control. It takes time for trust to be built up between a sub and a Dom, like any type of relationship, it gets better with time and experience.

    Characteristics Of A Good Sub

    Being a good sub is being clear and honest with your Dom, before, during and after a scene. Whether about your experience in kink, how you felt during and after the last scene, and what you would like your future scenes to include.

    Discovering If You’re A Dom Or Sub

    When entering the kink scene, you do not have to choose to identify as a Dom or sub straight away. Some people know well before they have entered, and some take their time trying different roles. It is also okay to want to change your role for different partners, different scenes or at different times in your life. Someone like myself who likes to take on both roles usually identifies as a switch.

    Advice For New Sub

    If you are new to submission, start slowly by getting to know what you like. Do your research: read online blogs and watch porn (hard homework, I know!)

    Most importantly, know that it is okay to not like something and to speak up when you are uncomfortable or unsure. Kink is a two way street and everyone should be enjoying themselves.

    Scarlett May – An Australian independent switch based in London. She’s 5’8, with a small waist and pert round bottom – perfect for spanking. She loves giving and receiving humiliation, and especially enjoys role plays … the more taboo the better. She offers a safe and non-judgemental space for you to explore your true desires.

    Follow Scarlett May on

    Twitter: @SubScarlettMay

    Article images courtesy of Scarlett May

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  • The BDSM Scene & Being A Mistress In Tokyo

    The BDSM Scene & Being A Mistress In Tokyo

    Kink is a huge pillar in my life. I’ve worked in and around the kink community prior to becoming a pro-domme. I still find it fascinating and ever fluctuating, evolving, morphing, even while I work in the midst of it. I think that is what attracts me to the so-called “alternative lifestyle”; there isn’t a “correct” or “incorrect” way of doing things (outside of protocol such as consent and safety, of course).

    You can become who you want to be, who you design to be. Not only can you make your own fantasy come true, but you can realize that of others while doing so.

    Popularity Of Kink In Tokyo

    I could say that the kink community is fairly large in Tokyo. The fact that there are a good number of open spaces for people to explore their kink helps. BDSM is becoming more acceptable in mainstream and pop culture, but I don’t think it’s fair to say that society is open or accepting about it.

    People may joke around and say that they’re “sadistic” or “masochistic”, but they’re only aware of the surface level of what goes into BDSM. Generally speaking, it’s also not acceptable to talk about BDSM in a public, vanilla setting either.

    Ways To Enjoy The Kink Scene In Tokyo

    There are two ways to enjoy fetish/kink/BDSM when you are in Tokyo. You could go to a fetish-themed event (which happens quite regularly in Tokyo). Another way is to pay a visit to a “SM” or “Fetish” bar.

    These are safe spaces where you can either sit back and enjoy your drink, or participate in some light play. Most SM bars have suspension points, toys (such as floggers, whips, rope, etc.), and costumes. However, you will not be able to fully undress, and there are different policies depending on each bar as to how far you can go with your “play.”

    Uniqueness Of Kink In Japan

    I am often told that the sheer number of bars that are completely dedicated to BDSM is something that is unique to Japan. For a country that’s so small, we do have an impressive number of spaces and events that are purely directed towards the BDSM community.

    How I Got Started As A Mistress

    I returned to Japan three years ago after graduating from grad school in Los Angeles. I quickly got immersed in the scene here and started working part-time as a translator for private kinbaku (rope bondage) lessons. I met a Mistress (who I see as my mentor today), and quickly dreamt of becoming a Mistress full-time, but there were circumstances that weren’t allowing me for doing so.

    About a year later, I began working at a SM bar, where I met another Mistress who worked for a SM Club (which is something like an agency for Mistresses). I got connected to the owner of the club (who is a Mistress herself, and someone I admire) and thanks to her, I had a face-to-face talk with the owner. I worked for the club a little over an year before deciding to go independent.

    Expectations For Subs

    Trust, honesty, and respect.

    Favorite Kink Sessions Of Mine

    I’ve recently become a huge fan of JOI after signing up with NiteFlirt. I didn’t anticipate the amount of control I can have over a sub with just my voice; I found that exhilarating. When conducting in-person sessions, I love the idea of giving subs a task (taking lashes from a single tail, etc.) and giving them a treat if they manage to meet their goals.

    I’m also a huge fan of sissification; some of my favorite subs are sissies that want to be transformed by me, and go on “dates” together. I’m keen on incorporating different aspects of BDSM as well as forms of play into my sessions.

    Mistress Kinako – I am born and raised in Japan, BDSM has been a large part of my life for nearly a decade. I am a true sadist and female supremacist at heart, and pride my practice in domination and torture. I describe my style of domination as “East-meets-West”; I blend nuances of Japanese “SM” with Western style discipline and torture.

    Follow Mistress Kinako on

    Website: mistresskinako.com

    Twitter: @MistressKinako

    Instagram: @MistressKinako

    NiteFlirt: @MistressKinako

    Blog: http://blog.livedoor.jp/mistresskinako/

    Images courtesy of Mistress Kinako

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  • How To Serve A Mistress Correctly

    How To Serve A Mistress Correctly

    I’ve always been more open about my sexual side and I have known this since at a young age. I have learnt a lot about different fetishes and kinks over the years. I’m honestly a full sub when it comes to my personal relationship with my partner but I work best as a Domme! I love the passion that comes along with kink, and it’s like nothing else which is probably why I love it so much.

    Characteristics Of A Submissive

    Loyalty and dependability are my top two favorite things. I want to be able to count on you to not waste my time as well as being able to trust you to serve me properly. Communication is very important because I want to be able to cater to all your fetishes so we can both be satisfied in the end. I can’t lie though, I am a financial Dominatrix so money is a huge factor in my selection of subs.

    Why Submissives Love Being Dominated

    It’s honestly always a very personal reason on why and what kind of fetishes they are into. One thing that doesn’t change is the enjoyment they get from their preferred fetish fulfilled. I’ve had a financial paypig who loves the suffering feeling of having to struggle to pay for himself and make his own life harder in a sense. He liked this because growing up, he never had this issue due to his financial upbringing, so it was a brand new feeling which ultimately makes him weak for his mistress.

    My sissy subs like dressing up in lingerie and acting like a female because they know they’ll never actually be a true masculine man. They give in instead and embrace their feminine side which is satisfying to them.

    My domination and/or CBT subs love physical pain for the pure feeling of it, they’re masochists and that’s pretty self explanatory.

    How Subs Should Serve A Mistress Correctly

    My number one pet peeve is whining so absolutely stay away from that. I like to have sessions with my devoted subs at least once a week so their need for me is heighten in their daily lives. If I give you tasks to complete, make sure you do them in the allotted amount of time and don’t ever make me wait. If you are my sub then only serve me, give me everything instead of splitting it between another Domme. Always pay for our sessions but that is already a given!

    Typical Punishments For Subs 

    I don’t give out too many chances, I have a three strike policy. I know I’m capable of finding subs who can devote their time and serve me in the way I like so if that’s not you, I have no problem with dropping you. However, if you mess up, I will make sure you make it up to me by giving extra tributes and showering me in gifts. I want to know you’re genuinely sorry for disobeying your Mistress and ensuring you won’t do it again.

    Mistress Milan – I’m a 21 year old bratty Brazilian financial dominatrix and humiliatrix! I love the feeling of weakening grown men into my devoted subs and leaving them always wanting more of me. I love power and mind control it’s the key to domination.

    Twitter: @Mistress_Milan

    Fetlife: https://fetlife.com/users/2484178 (MistressMilan)

    Tumblr: Mistress–Milan

    IWantClips:https://iwantclips.com/store/40056/Milan-Luna

    IWantFanClub: Milan_Luna

    Reddit: Mistress_Milan

    I don’t have any tours but I’m always accepting subs for sessions via Teamviewer, Kik, or Skype!

    Images courtesy of Mistress Milan, Featured image courtesy of Shutterstock

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  • What It’s Like Being A Submissive

    What It’s Like Being A Submissive

    My fascination with kink and alternative lifestyles started when I came out as queer as a teenager. Through connecting and engaging with the queer community, I gradually learnt more about alternative ways of viewing sex, gender, pleasure and pain. Entering the adult industry in my mid twenties was where I first became aware of transactional kink and BDSM play, and where I found a safe space to explore all types of taboo fantasies and role plays through the anonymity of the client/escort relationship.

    For me, kink practices serve as a way for humans to explore parts of their psyche that they ordinarily keep hidden away from society due to stigma, shame or even simply impracticality. Kink allows us to wear masks (sometimes literally) and find our authentic selves through performativity. Now, kink and roleplay are integral parts of my personal life, and one that I consider a great privilege to share with others.

    How My Interest In Submission Began

    Submission is something I came to gradually, dipping one to after another into the world of energy play and BDSM. I was in an open relationship with a retired pro-dom and through learning about his relationships with his submissives, I began to learn about the diverse types of kink play and gradually began educating myself through reading and attending kink events.

    Being a Sub has always been very natural to me. I love to please, to be taken care of, and I hate having to make decisions. Kink and BDSM are an exaggerated version of the more ‘vanilla’ aspects of my day to day relationships, and the ability to parody and subvert these social dynamics in a way that was intimate, pleasurable and safe is a huge part of my interest in Submission.

    Expectations Of A Submissive

    A Submissive is a vessel through which a Dominant channels their erotic energy, with both parties playing out a mutually satisfying fantasy of domination and control.

    There are many different types of Submissives, from brats, princesses, puppys, slaves and human toilets. All with their own unique desires and needs. However the main expectation from any Sub is that they will be eager to serve and please their dominant in whichever way is requested of them – within negotiated boundaries of course!  When I am in a Submissive space, I am 100% focused on pleasing my partner, finding out what they want, how to move, how to look, every aspect of my being is focused on giving pleasure and hanging out for that all important validation! I live for hearing the words ‘good girl!’

    Common Misconceptions About Subs

    A Submissive is not weak. We are not pushovers, easily manipulated, or passive victims with no will of our own. Submission is a conscious act – chosen through much deliberation and negotiation. When I am in subspace, I am completely in control – nothing happens without being expressly permitted by me ahead of time. Many people are under the misapprehension that Submissives are simply people who allow you to do anything you want to them – the reality being that we are incredibly choosey about who we allow to control and lead us.  I have even been told that being a Submissive means that my boundaries don’t need to be respected (or that I enjoy having them violated) and have routinely had my bodily autonomy encroached upon by strangers in kink spaces.

    Another misconception is that submission is all about pain – we aren’t all masochists! For me, my favorite type of play is sensual domination, pet play and Daddy/Littlegirl role play, where I feel cared for, nurtured and protected.  Sadism and masochism are only two of the many delights on offer in the kink/BDSM buffet!

    My Two Favorite Fetishes

    Pet Play

    In it’s most basic form, pet play is a form of role play where one or more people assume the role of a pet/animal. Most commonly this takes the form of puppy play, kitten play and pony play, with one person as a ‘pet’ and the other acting as a ‘handler’.  Most of the time, pet play is heavily based in traditional D/S power dynamics, with the handler playing the role of Master.

    I absolutely love being a kitten – sometimes I can be reticent or superior, spurning advances and refusing my Masters’ touch unless approached with the loving respect I deserve. Other times I am playful and seductive, inviting you to stroke me all over while I deliver teasing licks and nuzzles. I also love to indulge in puppy play, whether it be performing tricks, begging for treats, simply lying content at Masters feet while he relaxes.  Like any good Puppy – I require strict and loving discipline and love undertaking difficult tasks for my handlers enjoyment.

    Pet play is particularly rewarding for those who enjoy their kink to be more nurturing and caring. It is one of the purist forms of escapism, creating a fantasy world where both parties fully embody their new characters – and in doing so, discard the repressive or mundane aspects of themselves for a moment.

    Wet Play

    Wet play is my absolute favourite for of kink play! – I could never date someone who wasn’t prepared to indulge me in this incredibly intimate taboo.

    Wet play is better known as waterports or golden showers. For me, a typical scene could be anything from giving and/or receiving golden showers to filling a pool with urine and wrestling and fucking in the mess. To a lesser extent, spit fetishes also fall under the wet play umbrella. Think spitting, licking and sloppy kissing and wet sensual blow jobs to create a slippery, carnal and hedonistic environment.  Wet play is the ultimate rejection of puritanical values which dictate that bodily fluids and natural bodies are somehow unhygienic or unpalatable. To me, when you truly desire someone – you desire all of them!

    Wetplay is also hugely stigmatized with almost all porn distribution platforms refusing to show depictions of urine or golden showers, and many credit card companies will refuse to accept payment on any depiction of people urinating on each other. The only other categories of porn that are subject to the same stigma are pedophilia and rape. This means that many clients I see with wet play fetishes are extremely ashamed of their desires. Lucky for me I love to help people shake off societal shaming around fetishes and help them to embrace their depravity with abandon.

    Dion De Rossi – Dion De Rossi, is an Australian escort, prosubmissive and pornstar living and working in Berlin. She considers sex work to be a spiritually satisfying pursuit, creating fantasy worlds where people from all backgrounds can find a safe space to explore taboo and misunderstood fetishes without judgement. When she is not satisfying the sexual needs of friends and lovers, she is focused on her activism, rescuing and rehoming animals from the agricultural industry.

    Follow Dion on:

    Website: www.dionderossi.com

    Clips: https://www.manyvids.com/Profile/1000332295/dionderossi/

    Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dionderossi

    Twitter: https://twitter.com/DionDeRossi

    Dion is currently focusing on providing fantasy and prosubbing doubles with Queen of Queer porn Sadie Lune, and performing in feminist and psychedelic porn productions for friends in Berlin.

    Images courtesy of Dion De Rossi

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