Tag: submissive

  • A “Scening” Female Led Relationship

    A “Scening” Female Led Relationship

    Hi, I’m Julie (not my real name), and I write a blog concerning the kinky play that my husband and I get up to (that we call “Scening FLR”). The blog is “Strict Julie Spanks!” Please visit!

    FLR stands for “Female Led Relationship” where the woman takes the lead and the man obeys. In the kitchen, in the laundry room, and especially in the bedroom. The woman has full rights to punish her man for misdeeds, for poor attitude, or just to periodically remind him who wears the pants in the family.

    I understand that many times the FLR is full-time and for real; however, my husband and I practice a different type of kinky FLR that we call a “Scening FLR”. Most of the time we are a completely normal couple in all regards, with equal division of duties and responsibilities, and always mutual love and respect. However, while neither of us want to live full-time in an FLR, both of us enjoy pretending to from time-to-time!

    You see, my man gets off on being dominated by a woman in a domestic setting. Not by a leather-clad woman in a dungeon wielding a whip; but by his jeans-clad wife, in the home, wielding a hairbrush, ideally while his wife’s sister or friend looks on with a “tsk-tsk” expression on her face. My husband admitted this aspect of himself to me only several years after we were married. I was angry when he told me so, not because he’s a total perv, but rather because he took so long to tell me! I was only too happy to pull down his pants, put him across my knee, and blister his buns with the back of my stout wooden hairbrush.

    While it was nice of me to do that for him, I found that I really enjoyed it at the same time. I enjoyed the power of making him suffer across my knee. Especially as he was so grateful afterwards, despite (or because of?) the state of his poor little bum, and would literally get down on his hands and knees and kiss my feet for doing it. Power trip! And it’s the sort of power trip that makes me tingle “down there”. So much so, in fact, that it made perfect sense to me to drag him to the bedroom, force his face squarely between my legs, and make him lick me until I was very well satisfied.

    After that pivotal event, I started quizzing my man on his little kink. Turn ons, turn offs, and that sort of thing. I learned of his deep excitement over being dominated in a domestic setting, and of being humiliated to a certain extent (in a “loving” way, for “his own good”), and especially how the thought of involving other women in our play greatly excited him. I started surfing the web and finding all sorts of material out there, and learning that my husband falls into a certain “class” of kinky guy, all of whom display remarkably similar characteristics. I also found that all of it just plain turned me on as well, and offered us the chance to really turn up the heat in the bedroom.

    We started putting time aside for “scening”. This is where we discuss what we want to do, get into character and go to town. It’s just role playing, really; although, we don’t role play as nurse and patient, or teacher and student; rather, we “role play” as wife and husband (albeit engaged in a kinky FLR).

    We evolved from putting time aside and discussing in advance to where we are now: I “turn it on” at any time, at any place, entirely at my discretion. He has no say in the matter and does not want any.  After a scene we always debrief so I can learn what he liked and what he didn’t, and out of that comes variations that I might reserve for next time. I also get ideas from the web and spring it on him. If I cross any boundaries, he’s to let me know and I will desist. However, it seems that he wants to encourage me further and has been pushing his own limits so as not to disappoint me.

    So what is a typical scene?

    “David! This kitchen is a mess! I want you to go upstairs, get into your schoolgirl outfit, and then get back down here and scrub this kitchen clean. After that, we’ll have a nice long session across my knee with the hairbrush for neglecting your chores!”

    Let’s analyze that.

    Cleaning the kitchen is not really “his job”. We are both responsible adults sharing a home, and we naturally take turns at it. If the kitchen is not clean, it is equally my fault as it is his. But if I notice it needs cleaning, and if we both seem to have the time and inclination for a scene (he ALWAYS does!), I may as well use that as an excuse. Bonus: I get to sit on the couch and surf my iPad while he is cleaning up the kitchen, and doing a really thorough job to boot!

    Let’s analyze it some more. “Schoolgirl outfit?” Yup. My man is not at all a cross-dresser. But he does crave humiliation at the hands of a dominant woman. What’s more humiliating for a macho man than to be made to dress the part of a schoolgirl? Oh, and it’s a “sexy schoolgirl”: stockings, garter belt, lacy panties, lacy bra with breast forms, white blouse tied so as to bare his midriff, and a short plaid skirt. None of that outfit is his doing. He blushes three shades of red while wearing it. And did I mention our inclination to involve other women in our scenes? Yup! He’s been witnessed like that! Ha Ha!

    And on that point, where do I get that stuff in his size, you may ask? Why, we go out shopping together. Several very memorable trips to the lingerie stores where the sales girls are told who it’s for. For example, we bought bra and breast forms at Victoria’s Secret. The sales ladies were extremely accommodating. We had three in fact. He was measured, and he had to try the bra on over his T-shirt. It was the shop lady who suggested the breast forms (good salesperson!). David blushed, stammered, and looked at the floor so much during that scene that I thought he would die from humiliation. We had a changing room, but the three sales ladies kept going in an out, and seemed quite careless regarding leaving the door open so that multiple women shoppers got an eyeful of my husband trying on his pink bra. It was hot! (you can read all about that on my blog at “Bra Fitting at Victoria’s Secret!“) I also learned that I enjoy putting my husband through his paces in front of other women: “He’s mine! Look what I can make him do!”

    But I digress. Let’s get back to the scene.

    After the cleaning he stands at attention while I inspect. It better pass muster or he’ll get a belt whipping to his sorry little ass after I’m done with the hairbrush! I’ll then drag him by the ear to the living room where I have set up a straight-backed wooden chair with my hairbrush lying across the seat. He gets scared when he sees that hairbrush and with good cause! I pick up the hairbrush, sit down, and pull my naughty little “girl” across my knees. Then it’s skirt up, panties down, for a nice long hard hairbrush spanking that has him howling (he is perfectly capable of staying silent, but I told him I like it when he “lets it all out” like a baby). Then it’s over to the wall where he must stay, holding up a coin with his nose, for fifteen to thirty minutes. During this time, his skirt is up above his waist and his panties are down around his ankles. I’ll typically sit there and surf, from time to time looking up and enjoying the shades of red I painted onto his posterior.

    And if the coin were to drop? Well there’s a rule for that and it must always be consistently applied. In that way, the woman in an FLR is much like a parent to their child. If they are going to make a rule and set out a consequence for breaking it, they better be prepared to follow through with consistency. If the coin drops, it’s back across my knee for a repeat of the hair brushing, and then he must re-start his time out RIGHT FROM THE VERY START.

    After that it’s usually up to the bedroom where he’ll first lie face down on the bed, hips raised, for a whipping from a doubled up leather belt if required. From there it’s a lot of lube, a big fat strap-on dildo, and a long and hard session of anal intercourse. Only after taking that will he get the privilege of using his tongue on me.

    How about spanko boy, you ask? Sometimes after a session like that, I’ll allow him to jerk himself off while I watch, whispering in his ear how much fun it would be if I invite my sister over next time he fails in his kitchen duties … 🙂


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  • The Art of Spanking

    The Art of Spanking

    A collection of fantastic original art by RedRump.  Watch out for his article on Spanking Art later this month but for now, enjoy and admire RedRump’s finest artworks in their full glory.

    FetchMyBelt - A
    Fetch My Belt

     

    OTK_001 - A
    On The Knee
    TowardDomesticHarmony - A
    Towards Domestic Harmony
    Your Turn - A
    Your Turn!
    A Job Well Done Final - A
    A Job Well Done
    Apron - A
    Apron
    BeautyandtheBrush2 - A
    Beauty and the Brush
    TheGirlLovesStripes - A
    The Girl Loves Stripes
    WOODSHED_1 - A
    Woodshed

    Images courtesy of RedRump

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  • Will I make a good Submissive?

    Will I make a good Submissive?

    Am I really cut out to be… a submissive?

    It’s a common and concerning question for many of us when we first begin to explore ourselves. Where do I belong in the jungle of this lifestyle? What is right for me among all these titles? Am I really cut out to be a…submissive? It can be a little alarming, and a bit confusing. For those of us who are submissive, we usually learn that way pretty quickly. For myself, I always lived this way before I started to really “live” this way. I’ve always, even at a young age, had that inner desire to serve and please.

    Many things can lead us away from the path of submission. Lack of confidence, being unsure about what we really and fully desire, and of course… not knowing what we should do, or what will be expected of us.  I’ve also heard some expressed worry that they will lose who they are, or lose power over themselves. I want to discuss these topics and hopefully put some minds at ease, and perhaps help others decide if this is the right path for them.

    Confidence.

    This is a biggie. Like most things in life, if we do not have confidence, we will constantly doubt ourselves. We all struggle with this at times. And usually, there is a reason behind why we feel this way, beyond all that Dr. Freud-type self analyzing.

    A common reason would be: We feel less confident because we worry about what people may say or how they may think about us. How people will look at us differently perhaps. Some people that may be unfamiliar with the lifestyle can picture a submissive as a weak, small thing with no confidence. Someone with no voice. And one of the worst that I have heard… a door mat. I am here to tell you, that is so far from the truth. And the good news is, that old visual of us is not as popular as it once was. Thanks to the internet, books, and even mainstream movies, many more people now understand, even if it is not something that they would consider for themselves.

    The fact is, the more submissives you meet, the more you will see that they are usually opposite from those old stereotypes. They are empowered, free, often very strong willed… some even impishly so *cough*, and anything but weak or lacking confidence.

    With that said, I’ll let you in on something else I have learned. I have never, ever in my life until Sir and I entered the local and online community… seen such a loving bunch of people. One of the most common rules I see given to submissives, are ones that help them RAISE their confidence. Or ones that do not allow them to self bad talk. Not many Dominant’s will tolerate their sub bad talking themselves. We get taught to love ourselves, and take care of ourselves – inside and out.

    Not being sure if it’s what you desire.

    This one, I think, is the easiest to cover. Almost every single submissive I have ever spoken with has agreed that it’s not something that we do, or just want. It’s part of who we are. It doesn’t go away. The desire to please is often strong in us, especially once we realize it is there.  Does it mean that we are submissive in all aspects of our lives? Of course not, there are many submissive’s that are fully dominant in other areas such as parenting, work, or other vanilla areas in life.

    The biggest thing I tell those new to the lifestyle who have came to me has been this – stop worrying about what is right for everyone else, and take a look into yourself. Is this who you are? Do you have that desire to please? Are you eager to hear words of approval and satisfaction? From serving Him/Her coffee in a way that pleases Them, to greeting Them at the foot of the bed or by the front door at the end of the day. It’s there inside of you. Sometimes, you just need to stop worrying about what comes after, and acknowledge that it is in fact there, and a part of who you are.

    Being unsure of what to do, or what will be expected of you.

    Is He/She really going to want me to do this or that….? Is He/She really going to throw me over a stool and spank me pink?! Will I have to kneel on, ack, Legos?! Well, maybe. But, remember, there are limits in everything. And here is where you can be at ease and know, if you do not already, that all respectful Dominants respect Hard and Soft limits, even in punishment.

    They will also follow things like, Safe Sane and Consensual, or RACK.

    • SSC:  Safe: attempts should be made to identify and prevent risks to health

    Sane: activities should be undertaken in a sane and sensible frame of mind

    Consensual: all activities should involve the full consent of all parties involved.

    • RACK: Risk-aware: Both or all partners are well-informed of the risks involved in the proposed activity.

    Consensual: In light of those risks, both or all partners have, of sound mind, offered preliminary consent to engage in said activity.

    Kink: Said activity can be classified as alternative sex.

    One of the many things to enjoy in being a submissive, is learning and trying new things. And with the right Dominant, you will hopefully find someone who will know when to help you push your limits, if you want them pushed. Nothing is more important than FULL honesty, and FULL communication. It also means establishing trust.  Your Dominant, would and should expect full honesty in all things; not to be some nosy bossy type, but to keep you safe. Mentally and physically.

    Worries of losing who you are.

    One of the biggest things I have found in myself since I started embracing my submissiveness and living this way 24/7, is that I haven’t lost any parts of me. Instead, I have gained. It set me free from things deep within myself that are hard to even put into words. I don’t feel I have lost the power over myself, but that I have gained it. I think you’ll find many who agree on this, for it’s a common self-realization many of us seem to have. It’s hard to explain, but trust me on this – if you find that this is the path for you, and can work through these very normal, initial feelings – you will get it. For me, when I hit that point, it was as if a huge light bulb went on over my head.

    I understood where I belonged, finally. I understood my deepest desires, and that me being submissive wasn’t something to learn, but rather something to embrace. It goes beyond any physical act or lessons that we can be taught. It’s there, deep inside of you, and once you recognize that it’s there.. you can, without a doubt be cut out to be a submissive. Trust your feelings, trust who you are, and then get ready for the ride of your life. It’s truly one of the most fulfilling and satisfying things you will ever do, if it is indeed your path. After that, the rest will come. Sore bottoms, Lego kneeling and all.


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  • How To Spank Your Wife

    How To Spank Your Wife

    Hi, DH here! I told Julia I had an idea for a blog post about how to give a spanking, and she asked me to actually write it! What follows is my best attempt.

    My beautiful wife and I have been practicing ttwd for the better part of a year now. Our understanding of what ‘that thing we do’ means has changed dramatically over time. In the beginning, it was just me spanking her, usually after she asked for it repeatedly, and then finding out that the spanking wasn’t long enough afterward. Things have since changed. Just a couple of days ago, I felt myself starting to melt down under the stress of working at home with a flaky VPN connection, getting ready to leave early to see my oldest daughter safely on campus, and some critical tasks at work that were hanging over my head.  I turned to Julia and told her I felt like I was ‘jumping the rails.’

    Julia: You’re not jumping the rails, though.
    Me: I know, but I am so frustrated!  Nothing is working!
    Julia: I understand. What do you want to do?
    Me: I … I want to give you a spanking!
    Julia: OK. You are the head of the house.  Why don’t you?
    Me:  Yeah, that’s right!  Why don’t I?

    I bent her over our bed right there and started spanking her as hard as I could though her jeans. She started whimpering right away—I really let her have it. After about 20 swats, my hand hurt so badly I had to switch sides, and then started spanking her just as hard with my other hand. With every muffled swat, I could feel my rational mind returning. Even before we were done, I had figured out a plan for solving my problems. That spanking made the difference between having a horrible, frustrating, failure of a day, and what it actually was: one of our best days ever.

    The person who really benefited the most from the spanking?  Me.

    We’ve both experimented. Julia used to make me work a little to get her to submit to a spanking, but noticed that I respond better when she offers her submission instead. This has changed the dynamic between us and strengthened our trust. We’ve experimented with rules, but I give her a spanking at least once a week, no matter what. I am constantly asking her how she feels and I read her blog to find out what her perceptions are after a spanking. I’ve learned a lot that way!

    To be honest, Julia started us on this journey. She read about it on TakenInHand and thought it would be a good direction for us. She was basically wearing the pants in our relationship at that time and was really tired of doing all of the heavy lifting. Looking back, I believe that many men have been unmanned by the feminism movement, to the point of disengaging with relationships because we just don’t understand what women WANT anymore. In my case, I’d also lost my job during the recession and my confidence as well. When she started pointing me at TakenInHand’s articles after we had the ‘spanking talk’, I started to realize the potential implications if we tried this in our marriage: what if one of us decided we didn’t want to anymore? What if I actually hurt her and she didn’t trust me anymore? What if I could never ‘do it right?’

    What if trying ttwd ruined our marriage?

    But I liked it. She liked it. I’m unbalancing my laptop on my lap just typing about it. We talked about various scenarios,about how we would talk about how we felt at each step along the way.  I promised her that if we tried it, I would always go slowly, no matter what. We realized an essential, permanent truth: once we started on this path, we wouldn’t be going back.

    So this is my little guide for seekers of information about giving your wife a spanking. While I’m writing this with the first-time spanking couple in mind, I also hope that most of these steps apply to every spanking.

    1. Take her in hand.  When it’s time for a spanking, gently take her by the hand and lead her to your spanking place. Tell her it’s time for a spanking to help her get ready. Be firm, but friendly. Strong, but kind. Patient, but absolutely unwilling to back down once you establish that this event, this spanking is on. I tell Julia to go get ready for her spanking, which can mean a particular pair of panties, or sometimes her whole outfit. I tell her to get a particular implement and put it within easy reach. I like to have her wait for me by standing by our bed so that she has time to think about the spanking coming up.
    2. Discuss safety.  Let her have a ‘safe’ word, or some other way to tell you to stop for real if she’s having a serious problem. Like everything else I’ve experienced in ttwd, the safety talk works for you AND her: it reminds you that her safety is important, and that you have her trust to keep her safe.
    3. Go slowly, always. Agree with her that it’s OK to have a light spanking that doesn’t do much, especially when trying a new implement. Most guys aren’t born knowing how to spank, so my advice is to freely admit that you don’t know what you’re doing right away, and try to set expectations accordingly. Our first spanking was nothing more than some light slaps on her ass that really didn’t amount to much. I take the same approach with each new implement we try. The truth is that I don’t want to hurt her, and at the same time, I want to find out where her limit is for the spanking. The only way to do that is to take a slow approach and give yourself plenty of time DURING the spanking to figure it out. There’s nothing wrong with stopping and just caressing her with your hand (or the implement you happen to be using at the time) until you start up again.
    4. Talk to her while you’re spanking.  I love to lecture Julia about why I’m spanking her, even if she’s not in trouble. I tell her about how much more confident I am at work, or how much I love the shape of her ass as I’m spanking it. I tell her when I’m switching implements so she has time to get ready for the feel of the paddle when I bring it out. Sometimes, I have her count the swats when I’m spanking her hard across both cheeks. On a few occasions, it’s been necessary for me to lecture Julia about rules she’s broken, which is the only time I will require her to answer me during a spanking.
    5. Always (always!) follow through. Until recently, I have been really bad with this. Julia has been very frustrated on more than one occasion where I promised her a spanking earlier in the day, and then failed to deliver. Not cool! For us, I think the best method is not saying anything about an upcoming spanking until I tell her to get ready for it. I can’t always guarantee that I’ll have enough energy at the end of the day to make good on a promise I made in the younger, fresher part of the day.
    6. Don’t spank angry.  Or, don’t spank her angrily. Even if she’s broken a critical rule (one of ours is that Julia may not leave the house without her phone), I am committed to letting the spanking do the work of correction for both of us, without needing to yell at her or punish her in some other way. The spanking itself is the way we hold each other accountable.
    7. Dominate her.  I used to make the mistake of asking Julia if she wanted a spanking. Looking back, it seems silly, almost like me asking her if I could go to the bathroom. It’s not her decision! If there’s going to be a spanking, I’m going to be the one giving it out, and I’ll be deciding how, when, and where. I will gently lead her to the time, place, and method, and administer the spanking. In one of our recent spankings, I had her turn around and bend over to show me her thong.  I let her stand there, bent over, so I could enjoy the view, while I lightly played with her ass.
    8. Warm her up, and cool her down.  This is really a style issue, but it could be useful for beginners. My spankings are typically 3 parts: warm up, which I perform with my hand over her panties, and then on her bare skin. When her ass is glowing red, I switch to an implement (like our favorite leather paddle), and spank her with that. I like to vary the tempo to keep her guessing about when the next strike will come, and also give her a little time to recover.  I finish every spanking with my hand again, which is the ‘cool down’ phase.
    9. Express your love for her after the spanking.  We usually end up making love after a spanking, which lets me continue dominating her. She’s been able to have multiple orgasms after we started ttwd, and I think the spanking heightens her sexual experience. I always hold her and make sure she knows I love her after spanking her.
    10. Listen and learn.  Listen to what she says during a spanking, and after. Let her give feedback on the implements you use, but make the final decisions on what you actually use 😉 Let her speak ‘out of character’ once in a while so you can have a frank discussion about where you really are. Julia and I love this part of our relationship, where we can step out these roles and talk about what we’re doing.  After all, we chose to pursue this lifestyle.

    What do you think?  What other things should be on this list?  How does a man successfully spank his wife?


    This article and all associated images within the article have been republished with permission from Julia.
    Please visit her website to view the original post and more.


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