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Tag: BDSM

  • How to Safely Experiment with BDSM: A Beginner’s Guide

    How to Safely Experiment with BDSM: A Beginner’s Guide

    Introduction To BDSM

    Sexuality is a spectrum, where we’re always discovering something new about ourselves and our interests. Kinks and fantasies form an essential part of our sexuality, and that is why it’s important to explore it further to be more authentically connected with ourselves.

    A common fantasy is experimenting with BDSM, that is Bondage, Discipline, Dominance, Submission, and Sadomasochism. In this type of power play, two consenting adults engage in the role of top and bottom. The top is the one that’s more dominant and exercises control over the submissive partner also known as the bottom. There are many ways to engage in BDSM, ranging from the use of sex toys to ropes for inflicting pain.

    In this article, we’re going to look at how you can safely experiment with BDSM if you’re new to it.

    How To Safely Experiment With BDSM As A Beginner


    Image Courtesy: https://www.pexels.com/photo/woman-holding-necktie-1615848/

    If you’re a beginner to BDSM and want to experiment your interests with a consenting partner safely, here’s what you should focus on:

    Prioritize Consent And Communication

    Consent is the foundation of a safe and pleasurable BDSM experience. This means that both partners enthusiastically agree to engage in this form of power play but can also withdraw their consent anytime they wish to. Another important aspect of a safe and pleasurable BDSM encounter is to communicate expectations, information, and other important details before starting the power play session. This includes fears, desires, and non-negotiable aspects of BDSM for you and your partner. Prioritizing consent and communication will help you safely experiment with BDSM as a beginner.

    Self-Reflection And Boundary Setting Is Essential

    Once you’ve communicated your needs with your partner, and they’ve agreed to try BDSM enthusiastically, it’s time for some self-reflection. Why do you want to engage in BDSM? Is it because you want to increase intimacy in your long-term relationship, or maybe you’re curious about how it feels to control someone sexually or be controlled. Try answering these questions before engaging in power play to gain more from the experience and understand yourself better. It will help you to set boundaries and say no to things that you’re not comfortable with. Self reflection often opens up doors to explore BDSM as a beginner and can be helpful in boundary setting for both you and your partner. This includes setting boundaries in terms of acceptable and unacceptable behavior, as well as safe words

    Explore And Learn About Your Interests

    Image Courtesy: https://www.pexels.com/photo/a-nude-person-with-rope-tied-around-its-body-11104890/

    BDSM is an umbrella term. There are a lot of fantasies and kinks that fall under it. For instance, someone might enjoy getting spanked while another person may want to try a curvy BBW sex doll. That’s why it’s important to understand and learn more about your interests as a beginner rather than jumping straight into extreme BDSM that may make you uncomfortable. For exploration and learning you can visit websites, read books and magazines, and even watch videos to know what all constitutes BDSM and which part of the power play you’re actually interested in. Share what you’ve found with your partner, afterall open discussion is an important component of safe BDSM experimentation as a beginner. Being knowledgeable about your likes and dislikes will only make the process more fun for both you and your partner.

    Pick An Appropriate Setting

    Picking the right setting for a safe and fun BDSM experience is almost as important as picking the right partner. Whether you want to try BDSM for the first time nestled in the safety of your home, or you want to go to a hotel on your next vacation to add a touch of mystery to your experience, the choice is yours. Just ensure that you feel safe and comfortable in the place, and so does your partner. An appropriate setting can easily get you in the mood for something raunchy while the wrong kind of setting can put off the mood and add a lot of unnecessary pressure on you as a couple. So avoid that, communicate with your partner, find a setting that you both like, and start experimenting with BDSM.

    Make Aftercare A Part Of The Routine

    Image Courtesy: https://www.pexels.com/photo/couple-kissing-on-a-couch-4395196/

    Power play can be amazing and fun, but ensuring that you and your partner feel cared for after the deed is done is extremely important. Whether you tried bondage for the first time, or even engaged in some pain infliction, it’s essential that you and your partner feel connected afterwards, and know that you’re coming back to each other. Try cuddling, watching something together, sharing a meal, or talking about the experience to gauge what you and your partner found the most interesting and what didn’t work. This will strengthen your bond, make you trust each other more, and make experimenting with BDSM more fun in the long term.

    It’s A Wrap

    BDSM is a common fantasy of many people, and individuals of all sexual orientations engage in power play from time to time. If you’re interested in experimenting with BDSM, you should prioritize consent, communication, self-reflection, boundary setting, learning, and aftercare for an amazing experience. The tips given above are a guide through which you can make your experience worthwhile, so don’t be afraid to try something new.

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  • A Beginner’s Guide to BDSM

    A Beginner’s Guide to BDSM

    In the realm of intimacy, BDSM shines as a captivating beacon, alluring individuals with its vast landscape of exploration and boundless possibilities. Within this seductive playground, power, trust, and desire entwine in a mesmerizing dance of pleasure and surrender, offering a transformative escape from the confines of ordinary experiences. However, navigating this intricate world can be both complex and intimidating, especially for beginners. That’s why we have partnered with Bed Domination, a leading authority in the field, working with professional London mistresses, to present you with a comprehensive beginner’s guide to BDSM. Together, we will demystify this enigmatic realm, empowering you to embark on a journey of self-discovery and sensual fulfilment.

    The Power of Communication

    At the heart of every BDSM encounter lies one crucial element: communication. It is the vital thread that weaves together the desires, boundaries, and expectations of both partners, ensuring a safe and fulfilling journey. Through open and honest dialogue, participants establish a shared language of consent, articulating their wants, needs, and limits. It is through this exchange of words that trust is built, empowering both individuals to embrace their roles and embark on an exploration of mutual pleasure.

    The Dance of Dominance and Submission

    In the intricate realm of BDSM, the roles of dominance and submission provide a tantalizing framework for power dynamics. Dominants, embodying strength and authority, guide their willing submissives through a world of sensations, creating a symphony of control and release. Submissives, in turn, offer trust and vulnerability, surrendering themselves to the desires of their dominant partners. It is within the consensual exchange of power that both partners find liberation and profound fulfillment, a delicate balance that ignites the flames of passion and unlocks unexplored realms of pleasure.

    The Art of Bondage

    Ah, the art of bondage, where bodies become living canvases, adorned with the elegant strokes of ropes, cuffs, or silk. Bondage is a tapestry of restraint and liberation, amplifying sensations and heightening the awareness of touch and surrender. Beginners can start with simple techniques, such as wrist or ankle restraints, gradually expanding their repertoire as their confidence grows. From the delicate embrace of a soft tie to the intricate patterns of Shibari, the art of bondage invites individuals to explore the exquisite interplay between control and vulnerability, resulting in a mesmerizing dance of pleasure and anticipation.

    The Discipline of Impact Play

    Within the realm of BDSM, impact play presents a thrilling range of sensations that awaken the senses and challenge boundaries. From the gentle caress of a flogger to the sharp sting of a paddle, each strike is an invitation to delve deeper into the realms of pleasure and exploration. Communication is paramount in impact play, allowing partners to navigate the delicate balance between intensity and comfort. It is through gradual progression, starting with light taps and building intensity based on the recipient’s response, that the exquisite interplay between pain and pleasure is discovered, leading to heightened states of arousal and fulfillment.

    Safe, Sane, and Consensual

    Safety, sanity, and consent form the bedrock of every BDSM experience, ensuring the well-being and satisfaction of all involved parties. Prioritizing safety means educating oneself on proper techniques, understanding the body’s limits, and embracing risk-aware consensual kink (RACK) principles. Mental and emotional well-being are equally vital, as maintaining a clear state of mind enables individuals to make informed decisions and engage in a responsible and fulfilling exploration of their desires. The journey into BDSM is guided by mutual trust and respect, fostering an environment of safety, growth, and intimacy.

    Aftercare: The Gentle Embrace

    Often overlooked but crucial, aftercare is the tender embrace that follows a BDSM encounter, nurturing the emotional and physical well-being of both partners. It is a time to reconnect, offering solace, reassurance, and care after the intensity of the experience. Aftercare may involve cuddling, soothing massages, verbal affirmation, or simply being present for one another. This gentle act of aftercare deepens the bond between partners, reinforcing the sense of connection, trust, and understanding. It is a reminder that BDSM is not solely about the act itself but encompasses the entire spectrum of human emotions and needs.

    Photo from Shutterstock

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  • What To Know About Foot Worship

    What To Know About Foot Worship

    I’ve been a lifestyle and Pro Dom for over 25 years and I feel it is healing and therapeutic if the Dom/Top knows the physiological impact of foot worship or any other aspect of what they are engaging in.

    What Is Foot Worship?

    Foot worship can be a wide variety of interests, from the love of feet, toes, soles of the feet to deeper insights such as face standing, kicking for the pleasure of their Mistress. Both are extremely enjoyable.

    Reasons Subs Love It

    It satisfies their desire and need to worship the Mistresses and pleasing her, as well as enduring punishment deemed fit from their Mistress. Both are very rewarding for the submissive.

    Misconceptions Of Foot Worship

    Unfortunately the twisted and misconception of ‘foot worship’ is that it is dirty or filthy, after all we walk on them right? Contrary to belief, our feet under normal conditions are 25% cleaner than your hands, which we shake others hands with, hug and touch our face with.

    Is There A Typical Scenario For Foot Worship?

    I wouldn’t say there is a typical foot worship scenario . Beauty is in the eyes of the worshipper.

    Risks Involved In Foot Worship

    Manicured and pedicured toes and nails are optimal for foot play so there are no sharp nails that can cut or injure the mouth, tongue or face of the worshipper. THis is best for the Mistress and the slave. Using full strength witch hazel will clean the feet before and after play without leaving a overbearing smell of 90% alcohol generally used

    Mistress Omega – 100% Authentic Dominatrix. One of the last truly sadist and authentic dominatrix in all of the US. Extreme scenarios to complete sissification transformation and Medical Madness. I am a Pro Dome and Lifestyle Dominatrix with over 20 years of skills. My life is delicious. If you dare to step into my world for an hour or a week…I’ll leave you begging for more. Everything is left at the door and I become something you yearn for… the need to be able to escape the normal day to day. Some people go to spas, amusement parks or the movies, I go to dungeons. And yes I still do outrageous public scenarios, read my blog and ‘Slave Letters’ They call me the Laughing Dome for a good reason. ‘Be careful what you wish for … you just may get it”

    Camarillo & LA Dungeons

    FMTY anywhere is US or International

    Follow Mistress Omega on:

    Links: https://allmylinks.com/mistressomega

    Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/MistressOmega/

    Twitter: https://twitter.com/MistressOmegaNV

    Website: https://www.officialsiteofmistressomega.com/

    Images courtesy of Mistress Omega

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  • How I Explored My Interest In BDSM & Became A Dominatrix

    How I Explored My Interest In BDSM & Became A Dominatrix

    I started at the world’s famous Club Chateau in Hollywood California at 16.

    As a life coach, lifestyle and Pro Domme, I feel it’s very healthy as well as therapeutic.

    How My Interest In BDSM Developed

    I was 16, my French step mother was from Paris and was a Dominatrix. So it was natural and nothing to be ashamed of 20 plus years ago when it was extremely taboo.

    Learning My Way In BDSM

    I started at the famous Club Chateau in Hollywood California at 16, and this was where my training began as a submissive and earned my stripes so to speak to earn my way to becoming a Dominatrix and properly use the skills and experience I had learned.

    Was It Natural To Become A Dominatrix?

    Oh most certainly! After training under Sir James Hillier, I was more than ready to venture out as a phenomenal Dominatrix, just as many other ladies had done. Back when BDSM was taken extremely seriously, that was how everyone learned.

    What I Had To Learn To Become A Dominatrix

    Well, we had to endure severe torture, bullwhipping, suspension and inverted suspension by quartering, (off the floor) intense pain and humiliation, and true submission. Some remained exquisite submissives and others like myself blossomed into undefiable Dominatrixes.

    My Favorite Kinks & Specialties

    I would say my fetishes and specialties are being an authentic Sadomasochist. I enjoy inflicting pain and torment, adore pain sluts, needle art, edge play, breath control, extreme sensory deprivation with mummification. Simulated abductions, kidnapping, home invasions and other extravagant scenarios. As well I enjoy foot worship, spankings, complete sissy transformation. I adore female pets, and other light aspects.

    Mistress Omega – 100% Authentic Dominatrix. One of the last truly sadist and authentic dominatrix in all of the US. Extreme scenarios to complete sissification transformation and Medical Madness. I am a Pro Dome and Lifestyle Dominatrix with over 20 years of skills. My life is delicious. If you dare to step into my world for an hour or a week…I’ll leave you begging for more. Everything is left at the door and I become something you yearn for… the need to be able to escape the normal day to day. Some people go to spas, amusement parks or the movies, I go to dungeons. And yes I still do outrageous public scenarios, read my blog and ‘Slave Letters’ They call me the Laughing Dome for a good reason. ‘Be careful what you wish for … you just may get it”

    Camarillo & LA Dungeons

    FMTY anywhere is US or International

    Follow Mistress Omega on:

    Links: https://allmylinks.com/mistressomega

    Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/MistressOmega/

    Twitter: https://twitter.com/MistressOmegaNV

    Website: https://www.officialsiteofmistressomega.com/

    Images courtesy of Mistress Omega

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  • What To Know About Spanking (aka Domestic Discipline) & Corporal Punishment

    What To Know About Spanking (aka Domestic Discipline) & Corporal Punishment

    Although I was a late bloomer to kink (began kink at 34), I’ve been a fully submerged lifestyler since finding the scene in 2006. I loved it so much, I began doing this professionally soon after. Although I’m a Professional Top, I am a lifestyle switch, a heavy masochistic bottom hides underneath the strict Lady Dom persona. I love everything about the kink lifestyle, the protocols, the structure, the sensations and most of all, the connection with others of like mind.  

    What Is Corporal Punishment?

    Corporal punishment refers to the more traditional ways of punishing a human being. Spanking, paddling, strapping, caning and in some cases, whipping to inflict pain after a misdeed or misbehavior is committed.

    In some advanced cases, corporal punishment can refer to psychological punishment as well, or The Mindfuck. I like to explore both with advanced players.

    Why I Love Corporal Punishment

    I’ve been fascinated by punishment, torture and rites of passage since I was a kid. Ordeals and trials, ways to earn maturity and respect from others, pushing our bodies to the absolute brink of what we can take in order to meet a goal, achieve a higher calling or elevate ones lot in life was huge for me, and I’ve been pushing myself in ways since childhood. CP illustrates just how resilient the human body is, and how we can always learn if presented with motivation strong enough.

    How Spanking Fits Into Corporal Punishment

    Spanking, otherwise known as Domestic Discipline, is the more family and academic oriented types of punishment. OTK (over the knee) is called the Mother’s Position in French, and it belies a nurturing type of, “I don’t want to do this but it’s for your own good” type of authority figure.

    Corporal punishment on the other hand, is decidedly more adult and refers to a cold judicial type of attitude on the part of the punisher. CP is more popular with criminal and interrogation types of emotionless scenes.

    Correct Techniques To Spank

    There are many techniques people use to spank, and there is really no right way or wrong way for people to spank with their hands as long as it works for them. What makes a spanking “wrong” is hitting the wrong area or target. You don’t wish to “wrap” around with hand or implement, and you don’t want to spank too high above the butt crack, or too low on the thighs. Keeping things to the apples of the cheeks, or the sit spot (the crease where butt meets thigh) is always good form.

    I love to give a good hand spanking, but my favorite tools are longer ones, like canes and straps. I prefer the challenge it takes to wield a whip over shorter range toys like hairbrushes or wooden spoons.

    What You Should Know Before Being Spanked

    Your top should discuss with you what you’re looking for, because there are so many different ways to spank, you might not be referring to the same thing when you say “I want to be spanked”. Most spankings hurt at some level, and most people expect them to hurt, although there are non-traditional types of spankings that don’t involve pain.

    Start out slowly, with a hand spanking over your underwear. Get comfortable with your top and the sensation before trying implements or positions. Focus on what it feels like at first, don’t rush into an elaborate role play and get overwhelmed. Respond naturally, don’t try and hold things back, your voice and body language is being read by your top to assess where you are at.

    Have fun, above all else. 😀

    Miss Chris – An independent Professional Disciplinarian based out of Phoenix, AZ. She specializes in spanking, domestic discipline, corporal punishment and role play scenarios. She is also a Certified Life Coach (“Kink eCoach”), BnB Hostess, Spank University Party Group Founder and Spankademy Headmistress.

    Follow Miss Chris on

    Website: https://www.missschris.com

    Etsy: https://www.etsy.com/shop/MissChrisTexasToys

    Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/Dominurtrix

    Fetlife: https://fetlife.com/users/63676

    Upcoming Travels: Dulles VA in July, Los Angeles CA in August, Nashville TN in September, Chicago IL in October.

    Article images courtesy of Miss Chris, featured image from Shutterstock

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  • What Does BDSM stands for? (Part 3)

    What Does BDSM stands for? (Part 3)

    Are you kinky?

    You find out when the regular sex just doesn’t float your boat anymore. You begin to seek out alternative pleasure sources.

    The more open-minded, willing, curious you are, the most chance you have to find what erotic desires, fetishes, kinky games to get your panty soaked. Being kinky is a bit naughty, almost socially forbidden and so freaking sexy (if you ask me). You start to explore new ideas in the bedroom by opening up your body, mind and soul for new erotic pleasures. You start to notice new things and desires about yourself. You feel to expand your knowledge on the topic try these few ideas for beginners in BDSM:

    3 Softcore BDSM practise for beginners:

    -Tie & Tease:

    It’s a light form of BDSM sex. Ideal for beginners, because you can try without any particular setup or equipment. It’s a practice of one tying up the hands, legs or the whole body. It can be performed on the bed, tied up to the door or using restrainers. Tying your hands behind your back. Use a few tie and attach those hands to the bed. The one who does the tease would be the Dominant ( active person who is in control) and whom the bondage will be performed will be the passive or Submissive in this play. The dominant will tease the partner until a point where they get so excited that they could have an orgasm. Tease could happen by using feather, silk, wax or simply by touching the body.

    The tied partner is usually stimulated repeatedly without relief. By carefully varying the intensity of stimulation, the passive partner is held in this highly-aroused state near orgasm. The tied partner’s urge to orgasm can become overwhelming.

    If the tied partner is allowed to climax it may be stronger than usual due to the increased tension and arousal that builds up during the extended stimulation. The tied partner may also instead be denied orgasm or be given a ruined orgasm in which case they will feel strong feelings of sexual frustration.

    Extra tip: Use Blindfold

    Advance tip: Use a mouth gag or/and some sex toys on the submissive during the scene to increase sensations. 

    Spanking:

    Spanking can also be performed without no equipment, just by using your palms.

    If you liked the test-drive with the hands, you could always get a paddle, wooden stick, crop, but my experience hands would do just fine.

    How to do it: You can bend over to your partner’s lap. It’s super stimulating while you are spanking to have nasty dirty things said to you. Example: “You have been a naughty, dirty little girl/boy. You deserve to be punished. At this point, you should spank the buttock. Starting light intensity and as the sexual tension grows to bring more power into your hits too.

    Tip: You can play a school-girl/boy-teacher scene here.

    The teacher can drop the chalk down to the floor. Demanding the schoolgirl to pick it up, who refuse this. It will generate the punishment. Be creative and improvise. Keep talking and let your imagination fly so the fun could be greater during the play.

    If you are new to spanking, always ask your partner, if she/he is okay with the strength and the way of spanking. It’s super important to playing safe and doing things that will bring pleasure to both.

    Facesitting (eating out a girl):

    This is one of my favourite BDSM activity. You can perform it together with a sensual tie and tease. Tie your man up to the bed. Rub your body against his. Stimulate his erogenic zones. Stroke his genitals, tease him with words and gentle touches around the body.  Standing on top of him ( very empowering feeling, ladies!) spread your legs wide across in front of his face. Show him your panties under that short mini-skirt. Make him want to pull that tiny pantie away to see and taste your lotus flower. Be sensual, seduce and play with him. It’s your time to be in control. Let me know if he is going to be a good boy, but only then he might taste your juices. Keep eye-contact when talking down to him. Show him that you are a strong, confident, sexy women who knows what she wants. Man would go crazy from this. As in their nature to be dominant, powerful and now they all tied up in your hand.

    Slowly squat down to your man’s mouth. Tease him more by touching rubbing your clit through your panties. Ask them: if he wants to lick or eat your pussy out? (Always use language you feel comfortable with!)

    Be sure at this point they are ready to beg to taste you.  You’ve decided how long you will keep teasing him. Once you feel willing to give in and let him taste your juices. Remove your panties, or just you can just sit on his face still wearing your panties. I would do the second option to arouse more the sexual tension and desire. Demand him to smell your pussy, but tell him straight if he still can’t taste it. You can order him to inhale your smell. 

    Slide your panties away and let him taste your pussy.

    Be confident. You are in charge. You are the goddess who needs to be nurtured, loved and worshipped. You set the rhythm, time and intensity of this play. Have fun with it and let him eat your pussy like as a hot cake until you are so satisfied that you can move to the next step.

    Advanced Tips:

    Breath control play while face-sitting

    Sit on your partner’s face, covering up all face, including the nose too. Count to 10 and release. Breath control if done correctly could be a euphoric sensation for man while licking pussy. ( For more advanced pussy eaters sit on it until he starts struggles under you!)

    How to set up your BDSM scene / Fantasy Play?

    What is a fantasy game? Otherwise, also called role-play. Where you and your partner create characters, create a scenario and play it out with a sexual outcome.

    Have you ever wanted to be an actor/actress?

    Here is your chance to shine!

    It’s similar like attending a psychodrama class. You can channel your inner desires and become anyone for the act.

    The most common erotic plays are the doctor/patient, boss/secretary, teacher/ student but you can create your own.

    Personally, I got a fetish for suits. Yeah, as crazy it sounds I love dark blue suits with crisp ironed white shirt. It immediately symbolises status and power and brings eroticism into my mind.

    BDSM is all about the power dynamic. You need to do some erotic experiments and see what triggers you.

    When I play, I like to dress up as a secretary. The scenario would be that I’m negligent in my work and my boss catches me doing something else then work during work hours. He obliges me to his office. He commands me to crawl on the floor to his legs or ask me to bend over the table. Telling me how bad I’m in my work and if I want to keep it better try to please him somehow. Otherwise, he will punish me being such a naughty negligent worker. And the story goes on and on. It’s up to your fantasy now to complete it. 🙂

    Corporate punishment (spanking) if done with ‘mindfuck’ could be such a freeing sexual experience! It triggers within me the need to please him and order to keep my job. I’m willing to do whatever it takes. Don’t we all women, just born with a high need to please man? Why not make this human need a playful BDSM act?

    Hope this article helped you to have a wider knowledge of BDSM sex and courage to give it a try!? Let me know if you do! I would love hearing about all it!

    Keep safe and be Naughty,

    Xoxo

    Alexandra Holovitz is a tantric sex coach & hypnotherapist. She is known for her honest, passionate and authentic coaching style. 

    She works with high achieving men in their 40′ helping them to heal, express and empower thought tantra, mindset and self-compassion. 

    She believes in holistic healing (mind-body-soul) and by awakening sexual energy to thrive in life and business with deep connection, love and sexual liberation! 

    You can learn more about her work at www.alexandra.guru and connect with her via  Instagram.

    Follow Alexandra on:

    Work with me: https://www.alexandra.guru/work-with-me/

    Instagram: www.instagram.com/alexandra_guru

    Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/sexyliberation

    Promo: https://www.alexandra.guru/sex-master-hypnosis ( this is a self-study Hypno bundle for more confidence) 

    Featured image courtesy of Shutterstock

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  • What Does BDSM stands for? (Part 2)

    What Does BDSM stands for? (Part 2)

    What isn’t BDSM?

    Let’s clear some of the biggest myths around BDSM.

    What are the top 5 Myths in BDSM?

    #Myth 1: BDSM is a Fetish

    BDSM is not a fetish. It’s an erotic behaviour or kink. A fetish is admiring something that not exclusively sexual but has erotic stimulating qualities. For example these days one of the most popular fetishes is foot fetish. Feet aren’t sexy for most people, but for someone with a foot fetish, they can quickly become the object of desire.

    #Myth 2: BDSM is Uncommon

    BDSM might be a taboo, but it’s far from rare. Especially since 2015 when the movie 50 Shades of Grey stormed into our lives. Durex survey revealed that out of five participants, one has already been engaged in some form of light bondage during sex. These numbers have shown a respective 37% in the U.K and 35% in the U.S.  Not surprisingly the same number is around 65% with people fantasise to try it.

    #Myth 3 People are always Submissive or Dominant

    In BDSM the fulfilment requires having both roles during the role-play.  In these scenes, the Dominant (or Dom/Top/Master) will have the power over the submissive. The Dom can humiliate, punish, control or reward the Submissive (Sub/Slave/Bottom) depending on how much they able to meet the Dom’s expectations.  During these power-mind-games, both will have tremendous pleasure, sexual arousal and satisfaction from the power dynamic. A good D/S relationship when both meet their human need. The Dominant being powerful and significant. The submissive being in service and contributing to her/his Master’s pleasure and well-being.

    However, bare in mind that if one relationship you act Dominant does not mean you have an overall Dom personality. Usually, dominant people like to stay in control, and submissive people like to obey and serve, so it’s a win-win. Individuals who are enjoying variety could switch from one role to another. These people love the mental challenge to expand their erotic boundaries. This type called: Switch.

    #Myth 4 It’s all about abuse and pain

    Rightly sadist and masochist can be these cases. However, most kinkers in the BDSM community mainly involved some for of bondage and D/S games. BDSM sex should be a situation where you can’t wait to see your partner to give or receive sensations. Create a fun, playful, naughty and erotically exciting sexual playground where people free to express their deepest desires to one other. It never should hurt, unless someone gets turned on by pain.

    # Myth 5 It’s all about Sex

    BDSM is rarely about sex. It might contain the element of sexual activities, but it’s not the payoff.  Sometimes you can feel sexually so stimulated by certain scenes, mind-fucking manipulations that it would feel intimate, almost as good as having an orgasm without an actual ejaculation. Some people say it can be better than traditional sex. Only one way to find out if that’s true for you – try some BDSM sex tonight!

    What’s all about the BDSM clothing?

    There are a lot of hot kinky materials that stimulate the skin, such as rubber, latex, leather or wearing sexy uniforms such as school girl, nurse or dominatrix. Cross-dressing also a fun way to explore some of your kinkier sides. The term stands for cloth swapping. Example: Your man would like to wear your lingerie, stockings, panties or whatever he fancies during sex. Put some lipstick, make-up or wig on. Why not? It’s no harm to explore new things in the bedroom. Remember it just play, an act. You could become anyone you want to be for an hour or two. Who would you be?

    Who practices BDSM sex can’t enjoy Vanilla Sex?

    Vanilla sex refers to ordinary (aka traditional) sex.

    Trying BDSM sex is like topping up your vanilla ice-cream with some chocolate sprinkles or syrup. You can add on the ice-cream or leave it. Both way you could enjoy the ice-cream right? The same applies to BDSM sex.  In my opinion who practise any form of BDSM just has a wider range of colours to paint in the bedroom. Giving more sensations, attention and pleasure to their partner by respect and understand their true sexual desires.

    Alexandra Holovitz is a tantric sex coach & hypnotherapist. She is known for her honest, passionate and authentic coaching style. 

    She works with high achieving men in their 40′ helping them to heal, express and empower thought tantra, mindset and self-compassion. 

    She believes in holistic healing (mind-body-soul) and by awakening sexual energy to thrive in life and business with deep connection, love and sexual liberation! 

    You can learn more about her work at www.alexandra.guru and connect with her via  Instagram.

    Follow Alexandra on:

    Work with me: https://www.alexandra.guru/work-with-me/

    Instagram: www.instagram.com/alexandra_guru

    Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/sexyliberation

    Promo: https://www.alexandra.guru/sex-master-hypnosis ( this is a self-study Hypno bundle for more confidence) 

    Featured image courtesy of Shutterstock

    Like to be featured on SimplySxy? Drop us an email at editorial@SimplySxy.com!

  • What Does BDSM stand for? (Part 1)

    What Does BDSM stand for? (Part 1)

    Bondage & Discipline

    Domination & Submission

    Sadism & Masochist

    These are the three core concepts when we talk about BDSM. These days there are a lot of erotic myths, bad rep and press and a massive interest, curiosity going around when BDSM comes up. It’s all because of the whole 50 Shades of Grey phenomenon. Most people assume BDSM it’s all about violence, abuse, pain, hurting the other, however this could not be further from the truth of the real BDSM (sex) experience. Kinky people use BDSM sex mainly to supplement their regular sexual life with some erotic kinky edging and bringing more sexual pleasure with some kink such as bondage, domination and submission role-play and power games.

    A lot of people seem to think that BDSM requires you to use whips, chains, handcuffs or to have extreme violence, pressured rules and sort of other weird stuff.  BDSM sex and the lifestyle is about using pleasures, sensations, mental and emotional triggers to a point where you can generate more fun, joy and europhile in your partner. During BDSM sex you learn to penetrate, awaken, and stimulate the mind of an another human being.

    During BDSM sex, it does not matter how it looks from the outside; it’s more important how it feels inside, what feelings, issues coming up during the scene. That’s why communication and aftercare are crucial.

    Domination is an art of taking control, penetrate to the other’s mind, open their deepest desires up towards more pleasure. Learn to master these skills and you will easily understand people’s deepest sexual desires and will be able to bring them to another high of sexual experience. BDSM sex can be healing for some.

    The truth is that most of us already participate in some form of BDSM in our everyday life. It could be a very light BDSM activity during your traditional sex life. Example: if you are enjoying biting, scratching or having your hair pulled or have been called dirty names during sex. Some people would already consider these activities as soft-core kink. It’s BDSM for some vanilla sex lovers.

    Some people would do the above mentioned erotic behaviours and just consider it as ‘normal’.  It’s your choice to decide what BDSM is (thought your lens to this world) and if it’s for you or not?

    BDSM could have a bad rep based on people not truly understanding it. Not understanding how some erotic activities could trigger more sensations in some people’s brain.  Why would people do certain things?

    We live in a world where we constantly need to wear masks to be ‘good enough’ for our friends, family and workplace. By the end, we forget who we are and what we need sexually to be complete. BDSM and exploring your kinky side could help you understand, open up and bring up these suppressed and ignored emotions, sexual needs, which could lead you to understand and accept yourself by the core. Pain also could be the pleasure source for some. When reading and learning about BDSM, it’s important to keep an open and non-judgmental mind at all times.

    BDSM is for anyone who dares to expand their erotic horizons beyond ordinary. BDSM is for people who like intense sensations. For those who love to dance on the line between pain and pleasure. BDSM is art how to bring fantasies alive. It’s the best kink out there.

    When it comes to kinky, clarity and communication are crucial.

    As every profession or field, BDSM also has its vocabulary.

    What is kink?

    Kink refers to any activity that diverts from the ‘norm’, and it gives sexual pleasure. It’s an intimate experience, an exchange of power between people that can be physical, erotic, sensual, spiritual experience or all above.

    -Dom / Dominatrix ( active) also called Master or Top:

    An individual who create, control and actively move forward the scene by giving orders, experiments and rewards.

    -Submissive ( passive) also called Slave or Bottom:

    An individual who surrender, follow orders and gives up control to (or “intending to”) please her/his Master.

    -Switch

    A person who can be both Dominant or Submissive depending on who she/he interacts in a scene.

    – Scene:

    The actual act and place, the scenario of the play – who will do what. It’s important that before you start playing you set the rules. All participant needs to know what they will be doing and what are the boundaries.

    BDSM sex should always be:

    Safe

    Sane

    Consensual sex. 

    Safe: You don’t injure anyone. You discuss with your BDSM partner before starting a scene what is a “YES-NO-MAYBE” while playing. Partners need to communicate and agree on boundaries. What they want to experience, willing to try, outcome and what they do not want to experience at all.  Always set a safe word before starting a scene.

    Safe word can be used when things get heated.

    It could be something that stops the act entirely or just reduce the intensity. Again it all depends on the previous agreement between the parties. If you have absolute trust, you can say: no safe word, however, for this, you need to know your partner well.  When no safe word applied, there is no place to complain! Anything goes!

    Know yourself, especially if you playing with a more experienced partner. No safewords translate no taboos; anything can happen.

    Is that what you want?

    Example: You like to try sensation play on your nipples.

    The Dom starts to press, pull, twist the nipple with the tip of their fingers slowly then adding more and more pressure into the movement. Keeping eye-contact with Sub. If you are more adventurous or your level of pain tolerance is high, you can always add nipple clamps into this play. (If you haven’t got nipple clamps you can use DIY clamps, cloths-pegs!) Cloth-pegs could be applied to all areas of the body to intensify sensations.

    Sane: Keep in respect the other person’s boundaries. Don’t go overboard giving pain and don’t cause harm. Before practising any form of BDSM start from the basics. Read articles, books and try to learn so you know what are you doing. Begin exercising and evolve your technique as you developed trust. Don’t forget the more you learn, the better you get. Technicality and becoming a Master of BDSM, it does take time.

    Consensual sex:

    Both parties need to be on the same page. Need to agree and communicate prior and during the scene, express feelings and desires. BDSM sex if done right can be a unique and freeing (sexually healing) experience. When the power dynamics work well, it’s highly pleasurable for both parties. If things take off and it’s more than you expected or able to handle, it’s okay to stop. Any decision during the scene has to be respected and honoured from both sides. It’s super important to have “aftercare” after an intense session. As in regular sex, you would cuddle, in BDSM you can chat, cry or whatever feels right after. Don’t hide your feelings, express them. Remember, it’s a healing sexual experience to connect with exact sexual needs! 

    Alexandra Holovitz is a tantric sex coach & hypnotherapist. She is known for her honest, passionate and authentic coaching style. 

    She works with high achieving men in their 40′ helping them to heal, express and empower thought tantra, mindset and self-compassion. 

    She believes in holistic healing (mind-body-soul) and by awakening sexual energy to thrive in life and business with deep connection, love and sexual liberation! 

    You can learn more about her work at www.alexandra.guru and connect with her via  Instagram.

    Follow Alexandra on:

    Work with me: https://www.alexandra.guru/work-with-me/

    Instagram: www.instagram.com/alexandra_guru

    Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/sexyliberation

    Promo: https://www.alexandra.guru/sex-master-hypnosis ( this is a self-study Hypno bundle for more confidence) 

    Featured image courtesy of Shutterstock

    Like to be featured on SimplySxy? Drop us an email at editorial@SimplySxy.com!

  • How To Explore My Fetishes With A Companion

    How To Explore My Fetishes With A Companion

    I love companionship. For me, it’s one of the most self-indulgent things you can treat yourself to. It’s always a thrill to look forward to a new meet, as there are so many possibilities. When I’m with a client, I truly feel as if they’re treating themselves – between the whisky, cheeseboards, and hum of excitement in the air, it feels like we’re both getting the worlds best present. I love being able to share myself and my passions with another, and feel them reciprocated with the same fervor. I’ve always lived in the moment, and there’s a certain kind of exhilaration in giving yourself entirely to a stranger.

    Similarly, I feel my clients shrug off the stresses of the world with me while they step into a fantasy where nothing matters except the next moment together. It really does feel like we’re outside of time, often in a world all of our own – it’s hypnotic, in a way. I’m grateful every day to be able to explore this side of myself with those who place their trust so deeply in me.

    How I Got Interested In Fetishes

    My interests in fetishes actually started with fandom and fan fiction! I remember huddling under my blankets at night, reading novels about my favourite characters – except all of a sudden, they would be tying each other up, and I was reacting in ways I never thought possible.

    I only started exploring the BDSM community when I was 20 when one of my work friends invited me to a night out, and my interest spiralled from there. My first encounter felt like I had stepped into the fantasy world of my dreams! I’m actually still in contact with the first man who ever spanked me, and to this day, he’s constantly teaching me new things.

    I ended up offering pro submission work, given that I enjoyed it so much, and as I attended skillshares, my hard skills increased to the level that I began offering pro domme work alongside it. These days, I tend to switch (someone who both submits and dominates people) fairly evenly, with a particular love of spanking, Shibari, needle play, wax play, and fisting. I’ve previously co-presented educational workshops about Shibari at Sexpo in 2019, and was lucky enough to tutor under one of Australia’s best needle play mentors a few years ago.

    What Makes Me An Ideal Companion To Explore Your Fetishes With

    I think the most important thing for any companion, kink or vanilla, is to keep an open mind about everything! I’ve always approached life with a “try everything once” philosophy, and I carry over that same line of thinking to my kink exploration. There have been plenty of times clients have approached me with fetishes I know nothing about, and I’ve had a ball exploring it with them!

    It’s important to have open and honest communication between you both, including disclosing any triggers, past injuries, and level of experience, as well as what you’re hoping to get out of the play; there’s a huge difference between a rhythmic meditative flogging, and a flogging that’s designed to break skin and bruise!

    I would also consider myself a very curious person, so when I am approached with a new fetish request, I happily spend hours researching it – including any safety aspects I might need to consider.

    Ideal Duration To Explore Fetishes Together

    This is so highly dependent on the fetish, and what you’re hoping to achieve during the session. For newbies, I tend to recommend around three hours, to cover important negotiation time, slow introduction, allow plenty of time for feedback and questioning, and plenty of aftercare at the end! I’ve given light spankings in 30 minutes, and I’ve done a needle session for four hours.

    I find multi day sessions to be too strenuous when it comes to intense kink, although I know some providers who excel at them, but I simply find staying in the headspace for that long far too taxing on both of us! As a general rule, I suggest between 2-4 hours to explore fetish and kink with me. When we play, we release some really powerful chemicals – adrenaline and endorphins flood our body, so it’s important to factor in time at the end to come back to earth, reassure each other that everything was okay, and reflect on the session at the end.

    Some sessions also involve a lot of cleanup too – rope takes time to untie, sploshing means the floors need to be mopped, and needle play means that wounds need to be tended to. It’s certainly not something I would do in a 15 minute lunchtime quickie.

    How Do You Calm Someone Who Is Nervous?

    I’ve actually never had this problem! Is that bad of me? I think booking any session, there’s always going to be some nerves, but I’ve never found anyone to be overly shy upon meeting me. Usually, they’re full of enthusiasm to finally live out their fantasy!

    I tend to write a lot about BDSM on my blog, which probably helps – explaining the fetish beforehand through the lens of personal experience tends to quell any nervous butterflies. I’ve always had quite a big personality, and my genuine excitement to meet new people spills over into any meeting, so I think it’s quite hard for anyone not to be swept up in that and be equally as excited. Enthusiasm is infectious, after all.

    Follow These Rules During Our Time Together

    There would be no consent without boundaries – your power to say yes only lies in your ability to say no. I pre negotiate each individual session over text, and again at the start of the session, but I have a few ground rules: no hardsports, nothing that impacts on my safety, and nothing illegal.

    Additionally, if you don’t have any boundaries of your own, I’ll feel uneasy playing with you and will likely cancel. My favourite clients are those who listen to my boundaries, honor my space, and openly communicate their own. Nothing is worse than calling a client a name mid session, only to have them burst into tears and end the session.

    Kristen Jade – An Australian escort, pro kinkster, and content creator. She has been described as an “unrepentant brat” and refuses to take life too seriously. On her off days, you’ll find her cuddling up with her two cats and getting her ass kicked in video games. She has been a sex worker for six years and a BDSM educator for three, as well as touring the Shibari performance circuit across Australia and being invited to sexuality retreats. You’ll often find her travelling interstate, fuelled by passion and desire to explore the unknown.

    Follow Kristen Jade on

    Website: www.kristenjadeaus.com

    Twitter: @kristenjadeaus

    Instagram: @kristenjadeaus

    ManyVids: kristenjadeaus.manyvids.com

    Kristen resides in Sydney, but will be in Melbourne 4-8 May, Canberra 22-27 May, and Hobart 8-12 of June. She has plans to visit Brisbane, Darwin, and Perth later in the year. In the meantime, she regularly releases porn on her ManyVids, as well as writing on her blog at www.kristenjadeaus.com/blog

    Article images courtesy of Kristen Jade

    Like to be featured on SimplySxy? Drop us an email at editorial@SimplySxy.com!

  • How To Enjoy & Explore Needles Play

    How To Enjoy & Explore Needles Play

    When exploring my sexuality, after having strong desire for submission and a particular attraction for Fetish decorum, I wanted to move onto the other side of the flogger.

    I have experienced the liberation that control of the other offers. The power of freedom that chains bring when one is submissive.

    When I discovered the BDSM, I quickly realized that foot fetish or soft BDSM overall was not for me. I understood that I would have to tend to harder practices to flourish as Dominatrix.

    The encounter with several masochists allowed me to quickly evolve in the game of Needle Play and Medical Play. So blood fetishism seemed obvious to me.

    (French) En explorant ma sexualité. Après avoir eu de forts désirs de soumission et un attrait particulier pour le decorum fetish, j’ai eu envie de passer de l’autre côté du martinet.

    J’ai vécu la libération qu’offre le contrôle de l’autre. Le pouvoir de la liberté que provoque les chaînes lorsque l’on est soumis.

    Why I Love Needles Play

    My attraction for photography motivated my desire to ally art and BDSM. When I practice Needles Play, I see my submissives as webs.

    So the needles allow me to live my blood fetish and to create beautiful visual and unique works. Blood is a wonderful paint.

    (French) Mon attrait pour la photographie a motivé mon envie d’allier Art et Bdsm. Lorsque je pratique le needles play je vois mes soumis comme mes toiles.

    Ainsi les aiguilles me permettent de vivre mon fétichisme du sang et de créer de belles oeuvres visuelles et singulières. Le sang est une peinture merveilleuse!

    Quand j’ai découvert le milieu BDSM, je me suis vite rendue compte que le fétichisme des pieds ou globalement le BDSM soft n’était pas pour moi. J’ai compris qu’il me faudrait tendre à des pratiques plus hard pour m’épanouir en tant que Domina.

    La rencontre avec plusieurs masochistes m’a permis de très vite évoluer dans le needle play et le médical play. Ainsi, le fétichisme du sang m’est apparu comme une évidence.

    My Favorite Tools For Needle Play

    Long needles to go through the testicles, with tiny needles to decorate the top of the penis, through the thick needles that lift the skin better. They each have their interest.

    Also more widely in medical play, I like to use the scalpel and the suture to diversify my “brushes”.

    (French) Des longues aiguilles pour traverser les testicules, au mini aiguilles pour décorer le gland en passant par les aiguilles épaisses qui soulèvent mieux la peau, elles ont chacune leurs intérêts.

    Aussi plus largement dans le medica lplay j’aime utiliser le scalpel et la sature pour diversifier mes “pinceaux”.

    What Beginners Can Expect From Needles Play

    Firstly, I would advise people wishing to explore Needles Play to get closer to people who already practice or work in the medical community.

    Then, it is important to acquire some notions of anatomy so as not to affect the various functions of the human body. Also, it is essential to know the rules of hygiene that relate to the practice of piercing (sterile material, sanitization …).

    Personally, I obtained the “hygiene” certificate that every piercing professional must have to practice according to French legislation. I also learned alongside a surgeon friend.

    (French) Dans un premier temps je conseillerais aux personnes souhaitant explorer le NeedlesPlay de se rapprocher des personnes qui pratiquent déjà ou qui travaillent dans le milieu médical.

    Ensuite il est important d’acquérir quelques notions d’anatomie pour ne pas porter atteinte aux différentes fonctions du corps humain. Aussi il est essentiel de connaître les règles d’hygiène qui se rapportent à la pratique du piercing (matériel stéril, aseptisation…).

    Personnellement j’ai obtenu le certificat “d’hygiène” que chaque professionnel du piercing doit avoir pour exercer selon la législation française. J’ai également appris au côté d’un ami chirurgien.

    Reasons Subs Love Needle Play

    I asked this question to my loyal masochists. They told me that they liked the feeling of pricking needles into their pulpit and the cold of the metal.

    From an aesthetic point of view, they like to see the tables of needles (or other metal elements) drawn on their bodies, the beauty of blood, of the ceremonial disinfection of the skin, gloves….

    Finally, the satisfaction of offering themselves to a Domina, of being penetrated by her with the help of her tools, of satisfying her most accomplished sadism and of surpassing herself for her are real pleasures for them.

    (French) J’ai posé la question a mes fidèles masochistes : ils m’ont confié aimer la sensation de piqûres des aiguilles dans les chaires et le froid du métal. Côté esthétique, ils aiment voir se dessiner les tableaux d’aiguilles (ou d’autres éléments de métal) sur leurs corps, la beauté du sang, du cérémonial de la désinfection de la peau, des gants… Enfin la satisfaction de s’offrir à une domina, d’être pénétré par elle à l’aide de ses outils, de contenter son sadisme le plus abouti et de se dépasser pour elle sont de réelles jouissances pour eux.

    Maîtresse Viola Fethory is a French professional dominatrix and photographer. She’s 30 years old and she’s based in Paris.Sadistic and perverse, she enjoys many practices (canning, whipping, humiliating, etc.), the dynamics of D / s relationships and she specializes in medicalplay, needlesplay and bloodplay.

    Follow Maîtresse Viola Fethory on

    Twitter: https://twitter.com/Viola_Fethory

    Vends ta culotte (Clip sale): https://www.vends-ta-culotte.com/user/154304/Viola_Fethory

    LoyalFans (bloody content): https://www.loyalfans.com/violafethory

    Images courtesy of Maîtresse Viola Fethory

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