Tag: BDSM

How To Explore & Enjoy Gender Play

Kink has been part of My entire adult life. I am not sure if I am wired that way or if it was finding an old stash of True Detective magazines as a youngster. For those that don’t know, those mags pictured women bound, gagged, etc. My first long term boyfriend was kinky and we explored a lot together but none of it was specifically tied to BDSM.

FemDom didn’t come until later, again at the introduction of a significant other. It was a natural fit, coinciding with a time when I was very engaged in a corporate career. It further boosted My confidence by allowing Me to own My sexuality and take that power of confidence into the workplace. Little is more powerful than a woman who knows the affect she has on you and uses it ruthlessly. I never looked back.

What Is Gender Play?

It’s a broad spectrum form of play and it just keeps getting broader with our exposure to non-traditional gender identities like non-binary, gender fluid, transgender, etc. Regarding My gender play, which is almost exclusively with men, it’s about taking them out of the confines of their born gender – what they are programmed to feel and believe about themselves, and how they identify with their gender.

That can be as simple as donning a pair of panties and teetering around in high heels, to full transformations and getting a public response to them in a feminine role – and everything in between. And it’s more than just the physical aspect. For many, taking on feminine characteristics and wearing womanly trappings pushes their comfort zone, makes them feel out of control and therefore more submissive and that is where D/s play enters.

Gender play often provides a jumping off point for FemDom and BDSM scenarios. Gender play on its own is not specifically part of FemDom or BDSM, in My opinion.

Misconceptions Of Gender Play

The biggest one is that it’s all about humiliation. Up until the last five years or so, I would say that was mostly accurate. At that time, gender play revolved mostly around sissy play and emasculation of the male ego. Now I see more and more men who want to feel empowered by feeling feminine and being viewed as a woman. Because of that, My skills have had to grow. I took lessons in transgender makeup and fleshed out My client wardrobe to include elegant attire too.

The other big misconception is that gender play is only for bi-sexuals. That is an absolute falsehood.

Reasons Subs Loves Gender Play

Well, for most it’s just kinky fun. For sissies, the erotic humiliation gets their juices flowing. For others, shedding their male responsibilities for a few hours and feeling the dichotomy of what women often feel; sexy, desired, objectified, pursued, vulnerable exposed – can be a real rush.

But there can also be a serious side to gender play. I have had more than a few clients that are exploring the possibility of transitioning and a professional dominant can provide the safe space for them to take on that role for a manageable time.

What A Typical Gender Play Session Is Like

I don’t know if there is a true “typical” but nowadays I enjoy the “female empowerment” scenes best. I’ve always felt that using feminization to emasculate a man was unfair to the female ideal. Why should being feminine make you less of a man and therefore humiliated? Shouldn’t a man be honored to be remade in the image of Us? I think that is just one of the ways our thinking is slowly changing.

So, the scenes that involve full transformations and realistic cross-dressing are My current favorite. I love to wait and reveal the final results after everything is done: hair, makeup, dress, shoes, nails, etc. The look on some of their faces is priceless. Of course, the transformation is just the first part of the scene for most. Sometimes we engage in medical play that can result to a trip to the OBGYN table and maybe a mock castration and gender reassignment. Maybe we discover the goddess Venus is resident in them and engage in strap on play. Public outings are always fun and liberating too.

What To Expect Before Exploring Gender Play

As I briefly mentioned earlier, gender play will not make you gay or cause you to question your sexuality in a negative way. Some men get fully dressed for the first time and declare themselves lesbians. Others crave to suck cock, but I don’t think it’s done anything more than bring to the surface what has been swirling around underneath.

As with any form of play, choose your partner carefully. If seeing a professional, make sure they have all the accouctrement you seek. If you want a full transformation, make sure they have a good stock of fem gear and preferably a dedicated feminization area. A verifiable track record of working in gender play is imperative too. Seek out reviews and other information outside of their website to make sure you are a good fit.

In short, do your research, choose well and communicate your desires and limits clearly.

Mistress Ayn – A professional Dominatrix residing in Atlanta, Georgia. She has been part of the BDSM lifestyle for over 20 years and a professional dominant since 2010. In person sessions are conducted at the renowned Atlanta Dungeon and in 2016 she launched the incomparable FemDom Mansion. Mistress Ayn was recognized by her peers for her contributions to the FemDom community as a Guest of Honor at DomCon 2019.

Follow Mistress Ayn on

Website:

https://mistressayn.com/

https://femdommansion.com/

https://www.atlantadungeon.com/

https://stars.avn.com/mistressayn

https://aynrules.com/tour/

http://mistressayn.com/blog/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/MistressAyn

Images from Mistress Ayn

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February 15, 2021
How To Explore BDSM Safely & Correctly (Part 2)

Continued from Part 1

Hmmm that word “correctly” might make some people uncomfortable. There is a misconception that there is a right and wrong way to “play”. While there are safety and consent rules that should be followed, the only people who make the rules are the ones involved in the scene or relationship. The way you choose to play may be different from others and as consenting adults, we must respect each other and accept all the different kinks and fetishes out there. Although there is definitely a “correct” way to spank!

There are some specific types of play that require more training and understanding of the human body to ensure safety, health and wellbeing of all involved (such as breath play, sounding, BB, spanking, needle/hooks/knives, rope, electro play and more). Irreversible damage can be done if play is not practiced safely and properly (for example in a medical scene you must use sterile equipment). To learn more about different types of play, I recommend watching and learning from educational sites such as KinkAcademy or firsthand from professionals, practicing and playing with/on yourself + consenting partners, and most importantly – always have FUN!

KINK and BDSM scenes and sessions are meant to be fun playtime with friends, not a painful chore! If you’re not enjoying yourself, then stop to take a moment, COMMUNICATE your feelings, be open and honest with yourself and play partners, listen to your own body and needs, and once you feel prepared, continue to journey deeper into the exploration of pleasure and PLAY again and again 🙂

Common Mistakes Made By Beginners When Learning BDSM

Often people think they have to try it all, or are too afraid to try. They put all their eggs in one basket thinking they only like this one thing, and then when they do try they, end up disappointed because it wasn’t as expected. People may not understand what the kinks or fetishes are, the different roles or how they themselves fit into this world. They may not know how to negotiate a safe word, talk about limits or even recognize the importance of aftercare.

Newbies are often seen jumping in without pre-negotiation of a scene, researching for the right person to dom/sub with, getting themselves into fast, abusive, or catfish relationships, or tricked financially, thus getting hurt in the process. BDSM is ultimately about trust, consent and communication. Choose wisely the people you play with, and do your homework if you are seeking out professional services. Have an idea about the things you like/dislike and start to see, feel and understand how your body reacts. Take note and go from there.

First and foremost, listen to yourself! Trust that only you know what is best for you, and if anyone is making you uncomfortable in the world of kinky BDSM playtime, know that you have the power to end the scene. If you’re curious about this world, then start by going your own way. Start living the life you have always wanted. Start doing the things you enjoy. Just be free to be you. No one can stop you. Your sexuality is a part of who you are and no one can shame you for what you like because pleasure is your birthright. Be proud to be a kinkster and enter the #portaltofreedom

Come On & Explore Your Kink With Me

I am an educator first and foremost. A nurturing and patient teacher, strict, sadistic yet loving Mommy Dom, here to guide you on your journey towards sexual freedom. My style is ever changing as I am the Queen of Opposites, and I conduct sessions at My leisure in English and Mandarin.

If you are prepared to change your life through submission and kinky playtime, then I am the one for you. If you want to learn or improve your English or Chinese + learn how to communicate your sexual needs and desires through the eyes of kink, then I am the one for you. If you are ready to embrace your sexuality and unleash your power, then I am the one for you. If you want to feel different than you do now, then I am the one for you.

LOVE Queen Layla is an exuberant and esoteric Eurasian Dominatrix, Language (Mandarin & ESL) and Sex Educator, Performer and Motivational Speaker. She is the founder of 4L Solutions, a global company advocating for sexual health and wellness through education, workshops, coaching and performances. She transforms taboos surrounding sex, darkness and transformation on the aural #portaltofreedom with inspirational stories and monthly guests as host of sexuality podcast Punani Productions. Dare to be free. Surrender and free yourself. Enter the Portal: Magical Kingdom for Sexual Freedom

Follow Queen Layla on

LOVE Queen Layla website (QueenLayla.com)

Twitter (@iamqueenlayla)

Instagram (@lovequeenlayla)

Ca$happ

Spankpay (crypto currency)

iwantclips

Upcoming Works:

Embrace Your Sexuality – Unleash Your Power (global workshop)

#KinkyChinese – Learn with Queen Layla

Find your solution with 4L Solutions

Images from Queen Layla

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February 11, 2021
How To Explore BDSM Safely & Correctly (Part 1)

Personally, I find kinky playtime and BDSM to be both a healing modality and a healthy, fun way to release from the pressures of everyday life. An escape to a world of fantasy, excitement and pleasure with someone you trust while knowing that you can stop at any time. A place where power is exchanged and surrender leads to transcending yourself. When I play, along with My subs, I also enter the #portaltofreedom and after each encounter, I am changed just like them. I grow as they grow and we all learn from each other. I believe that sexuality is at the core of who you are and when you “Embrace Your Sexuality”, you “Unleash Your Power” (this is the name of the workshop I am currently writing and taking global in 2021).

In the realm of kink and BDSM, there is love and acceptance and it is here that I found Myself, discovered My love and passion for exploring ALL bodies while helping people find pleasure in all kinds of naughty ways, ending shame and stigma around STIs, kink/BDSM, educating on safe practices and being a personal example and inspiration for people to reclaim self love and empowerment and celebrate their sexuality.

Just this year I founded 4L Solutions, a global company advocating for sexual health and wellness through education, workshops, coaching and performances. I am the creator of the new method #KinkyChinese & #KinkyEnglish which bridges the gap between second language learning, sexuality, kink/BDSM and communication between partners. I started the sexuality podcast Punani Productions to transform taboos surrounding sex, darkness and metamorphosis through inspirational personal stories and monthly guests. My philosophy is: Live Your Life. Love Above All. Laugh Daily. Learn & Transcend.

How I Started Exploring Kink

Funny you ask, I had no idea I was into kink until I moved to NYC in 2013 and started My dominatrix career in 2015. I worked in a dungeon while also teaching privately (Can you believe I am an 18 year veteran educator! I feel forever young!) and took professional training to further My skills and expertise in the arts of the Dominatrix. After one particular training I had a flashback memory of My first time at a fetish party in Vancouver, Canada during University when I was 19 years old. I remembered being invited to a “fetish party”, had no idea what that was, and they said “just wear black!” and so I went. To be honest I had no idea what to expect and was weirded out by the crowd. In the midst of the darkness and heavy techno music, I saw men wearing corsets and all kinds of things, went outside, met a hot girl with star pasties, and thought ok this party isn’t so bad… Went back in and all of a sudden saw a red light leading somewhere new, and started to hear a sound… a sound I never heard before, but it drew Me in. I went down the stairs into a dimly lit room where a crowd surrounded a bench where a girl was getting spanked. I thought it was so beautiful I started to reach out and tell them, but someone yanked my arm back and said “Hey, you can’t interrupt a scene!”

I had no idea what that was all about, thought that it was odd that I couldn’t tell them how I felt so made My way back upstairs and ended up dancing the night away. After that I never returned to a fetish party during college or even thought about all the crazy things I witnessed. However subconsciously, I must have enjoyed it because I was always dressing as a “dominatrix” for Halloween years after graduating. Even now the sound of a whip cracking still gives Me the shivers while simultaneously puts a devilish grin on My face. I giggle and get excited just thinking about it…

Another fun fact: I have a magnet of the painting Gabrielle d’Estrées et une de ses soeurs that I purchased at the Louvre in Paris when I was 12 years old on a family trip with My own money. I still have it to this day. I guess this means I have been drawn to nipples ever since I was a teenager and have been kinky all My life 🙂

Challenges I Faced When Learning About BDSM

We all know that BDSM stands for Bondage & Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadism and Masochism. Initially I had no idea about any of this world before moving to New York after being raised with traditional values in a multicultural household in Beijing, China. I had heard some things but never experienced it first hand. As a natural dominant, I was always a leader throughout My life – in the classroom, the workplace, the bedroom.

When I started working at the dungeon I only experienced being the dominant, and never learned much about submission and the reasons behind it. I knew that when I did My training I wanted to experience submitting because I realized what I was doing was so powerful; that even though I was new and inexperienced, I already had the innate ability to bring My clients to another level and guide them in transformation. I realized that to be a good dominant, you need to experience and understand submission along with the power that both roles hold in this beautiful relationship.

In many places of training, you must first begin as a submissive before you can enter the role of the dominant. During My training, I wanted to feel this “sub space” and finally understand what the hype was about. I had heard that entering “sub space” could be even more enlightening than drugs and is in a way like a drug in itself. When a body experiences intense sensations (for example impact play), naturally there are internal reactions that generate a release in the forms of sweat, tears, giggling, shaking…etc. and one cannot control how long it takes to get out of “subspace” and back to one’s usual self (it can range anywhere from five minutes up to an hour or even longer for some). As I have an extremely low pain tolerance, I agreed to a light spanking on a cool massage table that was hanging in mid-air by chains from the ceiling. Looking back now, I was definitely “topping from the bottom” saying “do it this way, do it that way” but at the end, I felt so peaceful, and said thank you. As I turned onto My back, My teeth started chattering uncontrollably and tears flowed out of my eyes, down My face and I couldn’t move. They brought Me blankets and told Me I was loved, and I felt like a load of negative energy was lifted, healing came to My body, all the hurt and pain that I went through was gone, all the anger was gone, I was floating.

That day I understood what subspace was, what deep and profound transformations BDSM playtime can bring, and what it means to submit and transcend, hence My tagline: “Dare to be free with Me. Surrender and free yourself.” By the way, after that spanking is when I had the memory of the fetish party. Better not get it twisted though readers, only I do the spanking during My playtime!

Part 2 to follow…

LOVE Queen Layla is an exuberant and esoteric Eurasian Dominatrix, Language (Mandarin & ESL) and Sex Educator, Performer and Motivational Speaker. She is the founder of 4L Solutions, a global company advocating for sexual health and wellness through education, workshops, coaching and performances. She transforms taboos surrounding sex, darkness and transformation on the aural #portaltofreedom with inspirational stories and monthly guests as host of sexuality podcast Punani Productions. Dare to be free. Surrender and free yourself. Enter the Portal: Magical Kingdom for Sexual Freedom

Follow Queen Layla on

LOVE Queen Layla website (QueenLayla.com)

Twitter (@iamqueenlayla)

Instagram (@lovequeenlayla)

Ca$happ

Spankpay (crypto currency)

iwantclips

Upcoming Works:

Embrace Your Sexuality – Unleash Your Power (global workshop)

#KinkyChinese – Learn with Queen Layla

Find your solution with 4L Solutions

Images from Queen Layla

Like to be featured on SimplySxy? Drop us an email at editorial@SimplySxy.com!

February 9, 2021
Here’s What You Need To Know About Being A Brat In BDSM

We’re all familiar with the concept of a spoiled brat, but do you know what it means to be a brat in BDSM? For submissives who want to spice it up a little during sex play, being a brat can be exhilarating, as you get to let your naturally playful personality shine while engaging in BDSM. Moreover, being a brat is a great way to get your dom’s attention, since you have to playfully provoke them to get the reaction that you desire. If you want to take on a submissive role that’s a bit sassier than usual, here’s what you need to know about being a brat in BDSM.

What does it mean to be a brat?

A submissive who’s a brat loves to push their dom’s buttons by breaking the rules. But it’s not about being blatantly disobedient – it’s more about being mischievous. Your dom is called a brat-tamer, and the brat-tamer’s role is to punish the brat for bad behavior, usually with some impact play, prolonged edging, or restraints. During a scene, a brat can be a spoiled student who refuses to listen to their teacher, or a little girl who doesn’t want to follow what their daddy says, so it also works if you have a DDLG dynamic.

Before engaging in brat and brat-tamer BDSM, talk to your dom about it so that they know how to respond accordingly to your behavior and to have some rules in place. Next, get into the submissive head space by wearing kinky clothing and accessories, such as kawaii lingerie, a school girl outfit, some thigh highs, or a collar. Once you’ve established boundaries and are properly geared up, get ready to act out a scene with your dom.

How to act it out

To act all bratty, start by pestering your dom while they’re engaged in other tasks. Try sending a naked picture of yourself while they’re on a call, or if they’re at work, send them naughty text messages demanding for them to come home so they can pamper you. You can also refuse or ignore commands, or do something to rile your dom up. For instance, you can fling their shoes towards the other side of the room, and tell your dom, “Yes, I threw your shoes. What are you gonna do about it, daddy?” Say it with a grin, and in a cheeky way, rather than in a bitchy manner. You can also speak in a higher tone to engage your bratty side. Later, take your punishment like the spoiled baby that you are.

Being a brat makes being a submissive extra fun, so try the brat/brat-tamer dynamic with your dom the next time you engage in BDSM. Be playful, have fun with it, and unleash your inner brat to get what you desire.

Photo by Artem Labunsky on Unsplash

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February 7, 2021
What To Expect From Your First Rope Bottom Class

I enjoy being tied up. With my partner we practice Japanese inspired rope bondage – Kinbaku. It started as a casual bedroom play, and developed over time into something very special – very deep and intimate way of communication between us which i cannot compare to anything else really. In Kinbaku I found a very special – ritualistic – space where i can enjoy playing with power exchange – offering myself, surrendering myself to the will of my partner.

Outside of Kinbaku ritualistic space, we are a normal couple. We decide on many things together and ask each others’ advices and support. In Kinbaku space, we allow ourselves to play different roles, to open up and be vulnerable and touch on our “shadow” parts, the parts that maybe we don’t fully understand or accept about ourselves. We can play with fear and shame and other dark emotions. Sometimes, it touches some very sensitive parts.

In Kinbaku, we use the ropes for inducing the impact on the body and mind of the person being tied – that would be me. Over time, I definitely developed a fetish for a feeling of rope on my body. I love everything about it: its smell, touch, sound, its versatility – for all the different qualities and emotions it can convey, when it’s in the hands of my partner…

Why I Love Rope Bottoming

In ropes, I seek to surrender. It is erotic to me, to be desired, to be taken. I enjoy being “made” into a beautiful thing for the pleasure of my rigger. I want to become a clay and I want to be touched, moved, split open, taken, rejected, objectified, worshipped, penetrated… Ultimately, I seek to surrender to the core of my being, to the point of dissolving my mental resistance and becoming nothing but a pulsating body, like one of the plants of the flower. On the way there, it might call out different emotions in me, sometimes it is hot as fuck, sometimes, it calls out a layer of deep sadness…

We do Seme-nawa – “challenging ropes”, those that have power to move something in me, to melt me, to transform me into something else. I don’t seek pain, I do seek challenge. Challenge that brings me to my limits, to my resistance, my fears and my choices. When I’m up there and no way to move, no way to breathe properly, and my fear is so haptic – I can touch it – only choice is left to surrender to what is happening. This intensity brings me back to myself, reminding me that the truth is what I feel, not what I think I should feel. This intensity I rarely experience in “normal” life and this is one of the gifts that rope gives me. It is cleansing, and softens me.

I think one part of this “cleansing” is about having a space for “Drama”, having a space to discharge emotions, especially dark destructive emotions, that I get to accumulate throughout the day… Anger, hate, self-hate, fear, anxiety…? We are not supposed to show such feelings in social situations, we are almost denied to have them, but they are there. It is a blessing to have a space to live them out through crying, sweating, shaking – there is a feeling of relief and lightness that often comes afterwards.

How My Interest In Rope Bottoming Start

My partner – who was already engaged with BDSM before – introduced me. The story was, I saw the photograph on the wall of the girl tied up – so I asked him what that was and he said, “I’ll show you, baby” and I liked what he showed me. There was something about the feeling of rope from the very first moment it touched my skin. There was something about the rope being so powerful, that it felt right for me to obey to what it wanted. I just had to follow my desire and discover more of that. This is how it started.

At the beginning, I had a phase of confusion. At that time – almost 10 years ago – it was difficult to find any teachings, workshops or books, anything really – about rope bottoming. However, I had a very clear and strong desire for rope, I was confused in many aspects: how to handle pain or bad emotions, or how to communicate with my partner, or what exercises I needed to stay safe and healthy – not so unimportant aspects after all…

I had to learn by doing and that wasn’t always easy. At that time, I dealt a lot with embodiment – developing a capacity for feeling inside of your own body, for living through my own body, so to say. That has changed my approach to rope bottoming – I was getting deeper and deeper into my own body, feeling my feelings, living my own “story” with rope, concentrating less on what I thought I “should” do. I hope it makes sense! For me it was a turning point in my rope bottoming. This is also the journey that I write in my book about.

Reasons Beginners Should Join A Rope Bottoming Class To Learn

For several reasons… First of all, raising the awareness and the self-responsibility – in rope bondage, being tied up, we are not a “passive” object, but there are always shared risks and shared responsibility with the rigger. For instance, when it comes to safety. The technical skills of the rigger are of course very important, but they just don’t feel your limps the way you feel them. Therefore, it is also your own responsibility to learn what you can do to stay safe and healthy when playing with rope bondage.

When it comes to rope bottoming, I believe this is a somatic practice. It is something that we learn with our bodies, over time. And that with a bit of effort and exercise, you can improve and deepen your own experience.

I don’t think one has to attend the bottoming classes in order to be tied up. One can do just fine without it. However, I think there is not enough awareness of how much learning actually there is possible if one wants to take rope bottoming seriously and advance on this pathway. I have often heard rope bottoms saying, “I started as a rope bottom, but then I wanted to grow, so I started to tie”. I don’t think that becoming a rigger is the only possibility to grow for the rope bottom. I think there is a lot to learn and to discover on the pathway of “just” being a rope bottom.

I believe, “good” rope bottoming takes time, practice, and patience. Good, in a sense, that it’s fulfilling, enriching, and deep play – for yourself and your partner. That’s just my personal opinion.

It is not just something that your rigger brings to you or “does” with you. You, your attitude, your mindset also will affect the session tremendously. You co-create the sessions together with your partner.

My teaching for bottoms is not aiming for the “right answer for everybody”, but rather about assisting you to find right answers in your body. We are unique and our reasons, why and how we enjoy the rope, are very different. There is not “one answer fits all” approach. Rather the intention of going deeper with yourself.

How A Typical First Session Is Like

The first session in ropes? I guess that can look very different as people are different… there is not really such a thing as a “typical” session I would say. People have very different desires and intentions for playing with ropes. How about instead, I could share my suggestions for those who are new, what they could do to enjoy the first session and avoid having a bad experience.

Slow down! Learn properly how your body reacts in ropes before increasing the intensity – by going in the air, for instance. Many want to experience the suspension right away. I believe, if you take it slow in the beginning, you grow your self-trust and self-knowledge, that would later allow you to “relax” into and really enjoy the suspension later.

Go slow, do less. Define what your comfort zone is (the amount of impact that you are pretty sure you can process) and communicate it as your limit. For instance, this sounds to me like a reasonable limit for a very first session: short (10-15 minutes); low intensity: floor work, no suspension; just 1-2 ropes, without gagging and blindfolding. You will get enough of the impact to process, believe me!

You can always be tied up again, but you won’t be able to reverse something that was too much. Take your time to integrate, up to a few days. You will feel how your body and your mind react, what is happening with you afterwards.

Advice For My Rope Bottoming Classes

Some more advices for the beginners, maybe?..

Learn from the beginning to show up in the process. I do not mean to take a control of the session. By showing up, I really mean expressing yourself, how you feel, what is happening with you: physically, emotionally.

Develop your way of expressing yourself depending on what feels natural to you, so that you keep your rigger in the loop as to how you are doing, using your tone of voice, breathing, moaning, making sounds, movements, you can let them know when you are close to the limit. Generally, if you don’t show up in the process, you risk that your partner will do too much or too little…

Natasha NawaTaNeko is an accomplished rope bottom and educator – together with her partner @discoverkinbaku they teach and perform internationally. In Kinbaku, Natasha is looking for true emotions and authenticity and sees rope bondage as deeply intimate and erotic practice that has also a profound transformational potential. Natasha recently published a book sharing her experience with being tied up: “Somatics for Rope Bottoms”.

Follow Natasha on

Websites:

www.RopeSomatics.com

www.DiscoverKinbaku.com

There is a book I wrote about rope bottoming and its potential for personal, intimate self-inquiry: called “Somatics for Rope Bottoms”. The book consists of 12 essays – Somatic Inquiries – inspiring the readers to look for the answers in their own body and re-claim their agency for the most important decisions that come up when we decide to explore kink. The book is available for purchase on Amazon in both Paperback and E-book formats.

I also offer coaching for rope bottoms if they like to tackle specific topics they are struggling with, also online through Skype. The information can be found on my website RopeSomatics.com

Images from @discoverkinbaku

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February 3, 2021
What It’s Like To Be A Slave

Kink, BDSM and submission are an integral part to my identity and it’s not something I just practice in the bedroom. It’s a lifestyle and I would be deeply unhappy if I ignored this part of myself.

My Journey Into Kink…

I already had submissive desires when I was still a child. I noticed this when playing games like cops and robbers, as I liked getting chased and caught and I had fantasies about being tied up or restrained. At first, I didn’t know what this meant. Though I realized rather quickly that it wasn’t ‘normal’ for everyone to feel like this.

I struggled with insomnia from a young age and my parents gave me a television so I could watch something to help me fall asleep. So on one night that I couldn’t sleep, I ended up on a sex documentary in which a woman was trying to spice up her sex life. She went to a rather big sex store, visited a dungeon and tried out a kidnapping scenario. At some point, the term kink was mentioned and suddenly I had something to identify with.

I remember playing with my Lego one day and as I tied this tiny Lego man I realized I was way too young to be involved in anything kinky. Simultaneously, I felt like my thoughts and desires were disgraceful and told myself that no one could ever find out. I was really afraid of what would happen if my parents knew so I tried to bury my feelings and forget I ever had them.

I was able to repress my desires for months at a time but no matter what I did, they would always resurface. I found that it was easiest for me if I didn’t think about kink at all but when I did, I would go onto the internet and read erotica or search in forums.

I hated being restricted by my age and literally counted down the years until I turned 18. Luckily, I was able to legally join another BDSM site when I was 16, where I got to speak to a Dom of around my age and who lived in my local area. He set me some tasks and I tried candle wax for the first time but I soon realized I identified as a lesbian and it didn’t feel right continuing a D/s type thing with him.

I couldn’t get in contact with any female dominants and stopped looking until I was 18 and able to join Collarme and Fetlife. Over the years, I spoke to a lot of accounts and people on the internet but none of those ever turned into what I hoped. The real change came for me when I went to a kink event at the start of 2020. Here, I was finally able to meet real people who were open minded and had some form of interest in kink that I could relate to.

What It Means To Be A Slave

I never thought I was a slave and was very opposed to the idea of being one whenever anyone suggested I might be. In my mind, a slave was someone who had no mind of her own and would follow all commands without question. I have my own opinions, likes and dislikes and didn’t want to be like that. While I was 100% certain of my submissive nature, being a slave went a bit too far.

The first time I spoke to a Mistress (when I was 18), she suggested I might be a slave after speaking to me for just a few days. I disagreed to some extend, arguing I had my own will and thus she called me a Slave, specifically with a capital S. When she said that I paused and opened up to the idea slightly. Maybe being a slave didn’t mean having to be mindless?

We lost touch and for a few years, I forgot about kinky terms completely, though remained certain I wanted to be someone’s submissive. It wasn’t until I started speaking to an online dominant when I was 22 that the term slave came up again. Similarly to the Mistress I’d spoken to, this dominant thought there was no question about my nature as a slave but once again, I was very reluctant to agree.

I think I was scared of the meaning of the word and what this would say about me. I was raised to be a strong and independent woman, yet here I was, craving to let someone else take control and to put their desires above mine. It was only after someone consistently showed me that it’s okay to have these desires that I was able to start accepting myself.

One of the tasks I was once set was to write the word slave on each of my wrists and to keep it there for an entire day. I went to the shop with my mum that day and felt incredibly self-conscious about my little secret. However, I was surprised to find that it made me feel good and even a little aroused, rather than anxious or embarrassed. This was one of the first moments that I felt connected to the term and in extension to a part of myself that I’d been repressing for so long.

I didn’t completely settle on wanting to be a slave then. Instead, I decided to simply see where things would take me. I did several tasks and explored different things and naturally found that I was rather suited to being a slave. I fully started identifying with the term when I stopped feeling ashamed and accepted myself for who I am.

My Experience & Sessions

I write about most of the tasks and sessions I’ve done on my blog. These have included needles, hot sauce, staples or even simply writing lines but I can share something I haven’t written about yet.

The second time I got to play with my current Mistress in person, she took me through two rooms in a dungeon and we did a few different things, first using a cross, then a suspension frame for a crotch rope and a spanking bench. All of it was fun, and then she sat down somewhere, took off her shoes and said it was time for me to lick her feet now. I don’t have a foot worship fetish at all, nor do I particularly like feet. She made a point of having worked out in her shoes that day, meaning her feet were smelly so I could clean them now. So I kneeled by her side and started licking / sucking her feet, which I’d never done before for anyone. And so my mind switched between worrying about whether I was doing it right and between the realisation that I was licking someone’s feet, which did in fact smell a little. Yet as I was doing it, and upon realising that I was actively pleasing her, I noticed that I enjoyed it and naturally slipped into my role as a slave.

People often ask me what I’m into and my interests are very broad. However, the thing I enjoy most is pleasing my Mistress, even if that’s through something I personally dislike doing, such as pleasing her feet.

Misconceptions About Slaves

The biggest misconception I’m constantly faced with comes from people who say that my sexuality doesn’t matter because I’m a slave. In other words, even though I’m a lesbian, they claim I should serve men the same way I can serve women (sexually and non-sexually). And so the real misconception here is that I don’t have a choice because I’m a slave.

People think that being a slave means you can be used by anyone and should be grateful if someone does. Everyone forgets that I choose to submit and that I choose the person who I submit to. I only choose to be the slave of said person and we make our own arrangements within that dynamic.

Advice & Tips To Explore Being A Slave

If there is one thing I wish I had done sooner, it’s attending local munches and kink events. My advice to anyone looking to explore kink is therefore be to attend local events, as this will hopefully provide you with a community. When you’re new to kink and interested in exploring the role of a slave, you can be very vulnerable and unfortunately, there are a lot of people out there looking to take advantage of you.

You can help prevent this from happening by surrounding yourself with the right people and in the local community people are being held accountable and can’t hide behind a screen. Of course, this is not possible at the moment so in the meantime, I would suggest having a look at different resources on the internet. I believe blogs in particular can be very valuable, as you’ll find ‘normal’ people writing about their experiences with kink and you can join in with the conversation.

My biggest tip is to try and connect with people, as they will help you embrace the wonderful lifestyle you might have been ashamed of all this time.

I’m ML, a 25-year old lesbian slave and blog about my journey. Roxy is my Mistress and I’m very excited to explore this new chapter with her. I’m a masochist and star in corporal punishment clips, such as caning, whipping and spanking. Please contact me if you are interested in a custom or want to hire me. Lastly, please check out my Onlyfans

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I take custom video requests and can be hired for video projects with others.

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January 28, 2021
How To Explore My Foot & Shoe Fetish

My personal thoughts towards BDSM and kink: It is about trust, playing with creativeness, allowing you to explore and communicating the needs and desires of your fetish and fantasies to create personalized experiences in a D/s relationship.

BDSM is not just showing how powerful Dominatrix are, it is about transforming submission into a freedom. A freedom to enjoy and experience this magnificent feeling of submission towards a person whom you don’t know, but trust him/her with your fetish and fantasies.

How I Started Into The World Of Kink

It was started when my friend introduced me to a Dominatrix woman based in Singapore, Mistress Airah, and during my training with her, I met this American man at Clarke Quay Bay Singapore. He was into foot and shoe fetishes which before, I had no idea that someone would have this kind of fetish.

So since then, I started exploring the kink side of me. Studying more about the different kind of fetishes, and how I can execute them during my sessions with him. We get along so well and we travel together and he will buy new shoes and will worship me even in public areas, inside taxis, inside elevators,and restaurants etc.

I explore kink in more creative ways and any filthy thoughts I think when it comes to his fetish, which are the fetishes I also love and enjoy, which he will do without hesitation.

My Journey Towards Being A Pro Domme

My journey was not really easy at first since I was leading a double life as an office lady by day and a Dominatrix by night or during my free time. And even when I started, I felt that I didn’t have the power to transform myself into a Dominatrix, but eventually, I started to love and discover that I had this side of personality that was hidden. Maybe because I was brought up in a very strict and conservative family and every mistake you had there had a punishment and consequence, and even in the school I was studying before.

My style or way of session is to empower my slave in becoming the other person they want to be. Most of them are nervous, specially the beginners or newbies but I encourage them to release their inner self and fantasies as I am here to guide them every step of the way and I know they are unique and so my sessions should be too so I have to be creative most of the time.

Foot & Shoe Fetish Misconceptions

The misconceptions I hear about foot and shoe fetishes specially to a newbie slave who wants to try it or is curious about it, is that they think it’s weird, that they are perverted to have that kind of fetish and they might have a psychological problem.

But in reality, they are just a person who has a preference like anyone else that happens to be less common than the traditional choices in sexual intercourse. They have this specific object or body part that they need for sexual satisfaction for them to experience pleasure and orgasm while worshiping someones’ feet and shoes.

How Popular Are Foot & Shoe Fetishes?

From my experience, since I started offering foot and shoe fetishes sessions way back in 2012 in Singapore and Dubai, or when I travel to Europe. They are becoming more popular as majority of my clients or subs are into foot and shoe fetishes.

What I like about this fetish is that they see it like a Goddess’ feet that is needed to be worshiped all the time, 24 hours a day. They buy new shoes, new boots, new nail polish, etc. And looking at their eyes while they are under my feet feels incredible, that one part of my body many men adore, care and worship my precious feet. Also, the fact that my beautiful feet are earning some cash for me, can you imagine that?!

Tips For Beginners

For someone new and looking to explore foot and shoe fetishes, they must do their own research about it and if they feel they are ready for that, they have a choice to ask their girlfriend, or wife or even contact a pro-Domme offering foot or shoe fetishes for them to experience it to themselves.

If they have decided to go for a pro-Domme like me, I usually start from the beginning to ask them to kneel and kiss my shoes, let them feel and familiarize with the smell and ask them to remove my shoes. But they should ask me for permission first, so then I know that they are ready to explore more and are ready to surrender and be under my mercy.

Don’t Be Afraid To Try It Out!

My tips to those looking to explore foot and shoe fetishes and understand what this fetish is about is to ask yourself if are you into it or just curious about it. Because you never know what to expect or what can happen to you during a session. You might have some dirty shoes filthy with dog shit and the Mistress will ask you to lick it and yet you might not like it. So make sure you are ready for it and inform the Mistress what are your do’s and don’ts before you will attend the session.

Most of all, enjoy the process of worshiping womens’ feet because that is the most unexplainable feelings in the world of submission in BDSM.

Mistress Cruwella – The Asian Dominatrix in Asia, Middle East, UK and Europe.

I am your Mistress that can turn you into Sluts, Perverts and can give you two types of pain…One that hurts you and the other that changes you!!

As much as my profession is about my entertainment and pleasure, I am looking for men who can crawl before me on a daily basis literally do anything I ask and they can perform like sluts, slaves, sissies or whatever else my dirty mind can think of at any given moment.

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Upcoming Tours: I will be in Slovakia and Austria around February 2021 for 1 month. For booking please email me ladywella4u@gmail.com

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January 20, 2021
How To Serve A Pro Dominatrix Properly

I see BDSM as a sane way to subvert power relations, because in BDSM, there is a very important thing: consent, and it is BDSM only if there is consent, else it is abuse.

So such exchange is a viable alternative to the non-consensual power structures which permeate our modern world.

How I Became A Dominatrix

When I was a teenager, I started to slap my first boyfriend on his face and get turned on by that. I was 15 and didn’t know why I liked that, I didn’t know if it was normal or if there was something wrong with me.

A bit older, I got in touch with BDSM and realized that that was what I liked and I felt comfortable with the idea that my desires were not following the norms and it was all right. I started to explore it more and more and try different things.

I became a professional domme because of Dommenique Luxor, she is the biggest dominatrix in Brazil and I always admired her so much, followed her channel on social media and listened to her speeches. She started to teach and I became her student, after that, I was ready to start working.

My Dominatrix Style

I am very playful, I like to laugh a lot and make fun while I am playing. I also enjoy moments of silence, I am not the kind of domina that will be talking all the time during a session, and I find silenence important to access other states of mind.

I also like to play creative games, absurd scenes and perform in situations where my slave can be seen by more people, like outdoors play for example.

Four Expectations Of My Subs

Complete devotion, obedience, creativity to please me and trust.

#1 Rule All Subs Must Follow

Rule number one is: Don’t do anything without your Mistress’ permission, you must ask first obviously.

Remember This Before Submitting

This is serious business, once you are with a domina, you must be fully present and give yourself totally. There is no such thing as a bit of devotion, either it is completely surrender or it is nothing.

Mistress Amandara – Perverted, with no traces of morality.

With a very sadistic side, I am merciless. You will feel my extremely rough approach, as well as my softness and attention to fragility.

What I like is to see men getting out of their comfort zone, pushing their limits and putting themselves in a grace state of vulnerability. I see endless beauty in this state.

We will get in touch with our wildest fantasies as a process of getting to our creative source to feed ourselves, returning new and refreshed.

My radical training will transform your way of being in the world beyond the sessions. Your self-sacrifice will be a demonstration of your devotion and claim for change.

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Upcoming Tours: From 26th of January in Denmark till 1st February

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January 6, 2021
How To Explore & Enjoy Nipple Play

First of all, I believe that BDSM is different for everyone and will vary from person to person. In the Dom/sub relationship, communication is essential, it will build a bond based on trust and respect. Therefore, one of my first roles as a Dominant is to pay attention to the words and body language of the submissives to know how far they can go.

As for kinky, for me, kinky means going beyond standard forms of sexual expression.

What Is Nipple Play?

Nipple torture is a BDSM activity in which the dominant partner causes pain or intense stimulation of the submissive partner’s breasts. We are aware of how sensitive our nipples are and how intense pleasure can be achieved when we take care of them properly.

We are also aware that these nipples are for something. From this analogy, a natural question arises: if these “two little ones” are already there, perhaps we can deal with them somehow?

Why Me & My Subs Love Nipple Play

A good nipple play session always excites me. I love it when my subjects give in to nipple experiments (this gives me an impetus to experiment)…

Since the nipples are erogenous zones, the sensation of torturing the nipples is said to be pain mixed with pleasure.

Favorite Nipple Play Props

My favorite games include nipple clamps and flogging. The recipient of such activities may receive direct physical pleasure through masochism, emotional pleasure through erotic humiliation or the knowledge that the game is pleasing to a sadistic dominant.

One Tip For Beginners

If someone is just starting to play with their nipples, start by using their hands. This is the most basic way to tease. Breast tissue is usually more sensitive and can hurt quickly.

Mistress Nadia – Hi. My name is Nadja. Polish-Russian blood flows in my veins. I am a very experienced woman with style and my own label. I am a lady who, despite her innocent nature, has a devil and an angel on her shoulders.

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January 4, 2021
What To Know About Slut Training

Kink and alternative lifestyles are a wonderful way to sexually explore your likes. Therapeutic for some and it’s interactive entertainment. I have always beaten to my own drum and when I discovered so many alternative lifestyles, I immediately thought, now this is me seeing people live the way they want to live safely that I’m always for.

What Is Slut Training?

Slut training consists of a Dominant partner teaching the submissive to behave in an overtly sexual manner, from their clothing, behavior and mindset. While some may see being a slut as a negative, slut training encourages very promiscuous behavior.

Reasons For Undergoing Slut Training

Most subs just want a feeling of being used. They want to let all inhibitions go and just please and serve being a toy for pleasure.

My Domme Style

I’m a natural sensual dominant who specializes in mental / psychological sadism.

Slut training is a highly mental training, and you are shifting ones’ mindset on how to behave. Most submissives undergoing slut training are going to be reluctant, embarrassed and shamed at times. I always help to make sure they overcome these emotions and sometimes use them for humiliation.

A Typical Slut Training Session

First and foremost, all of my sessions start with a brief reminder of RACK (risk-aware consensual kink) and a safe word is established.

I don’t have a typical training because each session is based on what I feel the submissive needs. So it can be focusing on learning how to properly suck cock, to undergoing intense slut training hypno.

What To Expect From Your First Session

You should know that while you are expected to oblige your Dominants commands, you should always partake slut training with who you feel comfortable with. You will usually be learning and trying things you never experienced and want to feel safe and have an open mind.

Empress Katana – Enchanting Queer Dominant. I pride myself in creating safe kink spaces both online and in person.

I’m currently not touring due to the pandemic. 2021 I will return to traveling starting with Los Angeles and then all over Europe.

Not Your Babe is a brand I’m creating featuring sex worker positive apparel and work related items.

Feel free to check out my link.tree/EmpressKatana and main site AllHailKatana.com for more information about me, my BDSM lifestyle and events.

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December 29, 2020