Kink
How To Explore BDSM Safely & Correctly (Part 1)
Personally, I find kinky playtime and BDSM to be both a healing modality and a healthy, fun way to release from the pressures of everyday life. An escape to a world of fantasy, excitement and pleasure with someone you trust while knowing that you can stop at any time. A place where power is exchanged and surrender leads to transcending yourself. When I play, along with My subs, I also enter the #portaltofreedom and after each encounter, I am changed just like them. I grow as they grow and we all learn from each other. I believe that sexuality is at the core of who you are and when you “Embrace Your Sexuality”, you “Unleash Your Power” (this is the name of the workshop I am currently writing and taking global in 2021).
In the realm of kink and BDSM, there is love and acceptance and it is here that I found Myself, discovered My love and passion for exploring ALL bodies while helping people find pleasure in all kinds of naughty ways, ending shame and stigma around STIs, kink/BDSM, educating on safe practices and being a personal example and inspiration for people to reclaim self love and empowerment and celebrate their sexuality.
Just this year I founded 4L Solutions, a global company advocating for sexual health and wellness through education, workshops, coaching and performances. I am the creator of the new method #KinkyChinese & #KinkyEnglish which bridges the gap between second language learning, sexuality, kink/BDSM and communication between partners. I started the sexuality podcast Punani Productions to transform taboos surrounding sex, darkness and metamorphosis through inspirational personal stories and monthly guests. My philosophy is: Live Your Life. Love Above All. Laugh Daily. Learn & Transcend.
How I Started Exploring Kink
Funny you ask, I had no idea I was into kink until I moved to NYC in 2013 and started My dominatrix career in 2015. I worked in a dungeon while also teaching privately (Can you believe I am an 18 year veteran educator! I feel forever young!) and took professional training to further My skills and expertise in the arts of the Dominatrix. After one particular training I had a flashback memory of My first time at a fetish party in Vancouver, Canada during University when I was 19 years old. I remembered being invited to a “fetish party”, had no idea what that was, and they said “just wear black!” and so I went. To be honest I had no idea what to expect and was weirded out by the crowd. In the midst of the darkness and heavy techno music, I saw men wearing corsets and all kinds of things, went outside, met a hot girl with star pasties, and thought ok this party isn’t so bad… Went back in and all of a sudden saw a red light leading somewhere new, and started to hear a sound… a sound I never heard before, but it drew Me in. I went down the stairs into a dimly lit room where a crowd surrounded a bench where a girl was getting spanked. I thought it was so beautiful I started to reach out and tell them, but someone yanked my arm back and said “Hey, you can’t interrupt a scene!”
I had no idea what that was all about, thought that it was odd that I couldn’t tell them how I felt so made My way back upstairs and ended up dancing the night away. After that I never returned to a fetish party during college or even thought about all the crazy things I witnessed. However subconsciously, I must have enjoyed it because I was always dressing as a “dominatrix” for Halloween years after graduating. Even now the sound of a whip cracking still gives Me the shivers while simultaneously puts a devilish grin on My face. I giggle and get excited just thinking about it…
Another fun fact: I have a magnet of the painting Gabrielle d’Estrées et une de ses soeurs that I purchased at the Louvre in Paris when I was 12 years old on a family trip with My own money. I still have it to this day. I guess this means I have been drawn to nipples ever since I was a teenager and have been kinky all My life 🙂
Challenges I Faced When Learning About BDSM
We all know that BDSM stands for Bondage & Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadism and Masochism. Initially I had no idea about any of this world before moving to New York after being raised with traditional values in a multicultural household in Beijing, China. I had heard some things but never experienced it first hand. As a natural dominant, I was always a leader throughout My life – in the classroom, the workplace, the bedroom.
When I started working at the dungeon I only experienced being the dominant, and never learned much about submission and the reasons behind it. I knew that when I did My training I wanted to experience submitting because I realized what I was doing was so powerful; that even though I was new and inexperienced, I already had the innate ability to bring My clients to another level and guide them in transformation. I realized that to be a good dominant, you need to experience and understand submission along with the power that both roles hold in this beautiful relationship.
In many places of training, you must first begin as a submissive before you can enter the role of the dominant. During My training, I wanted to feel this “sub space” and finally understand what the hype was about. I had heard that entering “sub space” could be even more enlightening than drugs and is in a way like a drug in itself. When a body experiences intense sensations (for example impact play), naturally there are internal reactions that generate a release in the forms of sweat, tears, giggling, shaking…etc. and one cannot control how long it takes to get out of “subspace” and back to one’s usual self (it can range anywhere from five minutes up to an hour or even longer for some). As I have an extremely low pain tolerance, I agreed to a light spanking on a cool massage table that was hanging in mid-air by chains from the ceiling. Looking back now, I was definitely “topping from the bottom” saying “do it this way, do it that way” but at the end, I felt so peaceful, and said thank you. As I turned onto My back, My teeth started chattering uncontrollably and tears flowed out of my eyes, down My face and I couldn’t move. They brought Me blankets and told Me I was loved, and I felt like a load of negative energy was lifted, healing came to My body, all the hurt and pain that I went through was gone, all the anger was gone, I was floating.
That day I understood what subspace was, what deep and profound transformations BDSM playtime can bring, and what it means to submit and transcend, hence My tagline: “Dare to be free with Me. Surrender and free yourself.” By the way, after that spanking is when I had the memory of the fetish party. Better not get it twisted though readers, only I do the spanking during My playtime!
Part 2 to follow…
LOVE Queen Layla is an exuberant and esoteric Eurasian Dominatrix, Language (Mandarin & ESL) and Sex Educator, Performer and Motivational Speaker. She is the founder of 4L Solutions, a global company advocating for sexual health and wellness through education, workshops, coaching and performances. She transforms taboos surrounding sex, darkness and transformation on the aural #portaltofreedom with inspirational stories and monthly guests as host of sexuality podcast Punani Productions. Dare to be free. Surrender and free yourself. Enter the Portal: Magical Kingdom for Sexual Freedom
Follow Queen Layla on
LOVE Queen Layla website (QueenLayla.com)
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Upcoming Works:
Embrace Your Sexuality – Unleash Your Power (global workshop)
#KinkyChinese – Learn with Queen Layla
Find your solution with 4L Solutions
Images from Queen Layla
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