Tag: BDSM

I enjoy being tied up by people I have an attraction to. This attraction doesn’t necessarily have to be sexual in nature, but there has to be interest (from both sides) in being close and intimate with each other. So for me, I don’t really seek out to be tied by people who tie specific styles of Kinbaku; rather, I seek out specific people who I am interested in exploring our relationship together, whatever that relationship might be. Sometimes I am driven by lust, sometimes I like the way a person moves, sometimes it is somebody I would like to get to know better (like a close friend of a close friend), and sometimes it is to realize a deep friendship. 

That all being said, I do think there is a correlation between the people I am attracted to and the kind of rope they happen to do. I would say that I am a fairly intense and extreme person; in my Kinbaku exploration I have discovered how much I love to suffer (physically and mentally) and how much I love to be objectified… and as a former competitive athlete in sports that require intensive endurance training, I also find that my physical body craves to be pushed to a limit that it has been trained to be hard to reach. With these desires along with my personality, I naturally find myself tying with people who work a lot with the body, movement, suffering, and objectification. And often these people all kind of hover in the same circles, like-minded attracting like-minded. To name a few riggers I have had the pleasure to get to know through ropes and I think reflect what I am attracted to in ropes: Nicolas Yoroï, Kristina Marlen, Alex Nawa_Ronin, Felix Ruckert, Tamandua, Butterfly Bondage, and Pauline Massimo. These people and their way of tying speaks to me in ways that words cannot quite describe and I feel very lucky to have been able to meet them on a deep level both in and out of the ropes. Certainly, they have played a huge role in my development as a person who is tied. I also need to mention a rigger who I have not tied with but who has been an inspiration for me since the beginning of my rope journey, and that is Akira Naka. I have always been drawn to the beautiful, romantic suffering that is portrayed by him in my eyes.

There are also a few rope bottoms that I am inspired by, and I would like to mention Natasha Nawataneko in particular. We have known each other since I first started rope bondage and in so many ways we have accompanied each other on our journeys in rope bondage. She is one of the wisest and most genuine people I know, and these qualities poor from her soul when she speaks, breaks, and is being tied. I am totally inspired by her and her constant ability to stay honest and present with what is going on insider of herself while still remaining a considerate and generous human being. Being around such inspiring rope bottoms as Natasha certainly affect how I am tied and the experiences I invite into a rope bondage scene.

So, yes bondage is not about styles or collecting experiences. It is about people. And I like the style of the people I am interested in tying with, on either side of the rope. And often that style as more to do with the way they move and how they are as a person, and how we attract each other, rather than anything to do with the ropes themselves.

What You Should Know Before Trying Out Rope Bondage

I would say that they should spend time thinking about the why. Why do you want to do rope bondage? You might want to do it because you saw a pretty photo on the internet and it inspired you. It might be because you have been having fantasies about being tied up for a long time and you would like to finally try it out, or you might  have absolutely no idea! But there is something about it that makes you curious. There is no right or wrong answer. But it is good to constantly evaluate this question (and the answer might keep changing, or be totally different depending on who you are tying with and what you want to do).

I think it is important to constantly evaluate this question because it will help you to better find the rope bondage experience you are looking for with a person who best matches your intention. If you are not interested in doing rope for sexual reasons, then it is best to recognize that and seek a partner whose intention matches yours… because how awful would it be to start doing rope with somebody whose intention was to be sexual when that is not what you want! No matter how good of a person you both might be, it likely would end up in an unpleasant situation to say the least, for both parties involved. When we can be honest with ourselves and our own desires we can do a better job of taking ownership for our own experiences and making sure they are what we want to have. This can apply to everything from finding rope partners, teachers, and spaces that feel good for you and help lift you up and make you feel comfortable enough to dare to be dangerous.

I would also strongly recommend people who are interested in learning to tie or be tied to seek out guidance in person. Online material can be a great sub-element for your learning and development, but it does not provide you with the important nuances that come with learning a practice that is kinetic. Seeing how the rope can affect another, having somebody there to guide you and explain how it could work for you and your body, and provide a safety net… all in person… is invaluable. Humans understand the emotional and reactions of other humans best in person. And this is exactly what rope is about. We need living examples, and meeting others who share such an edgy interest in person help us to build a network of people we can relay on and gain experience from… and furthermore can serve as a safety net we can lean on when we need others who understand to talk to about our experiences and make sure we are all safely being dangerous together.

Lastly, I would also like to emphasize that there is skill and development in being tied. Contrary to popular belief, it is not the rigger who magically creates an experience for the rope bottom to enjoy. It takes two to tango, as we say in English. We create an experience together. A dynamic. A scene. And both parties need to be present and aware of their own bodies, reactions, and feelings. There are not just things that a rigger should learn; there is also so much out there to learn for somebody to would like to be tied. Go to bottoming workshops, talk to other bottoms about their experiences, and find perspectives and techniques that work for you. Invest in yourself, and in the people who you would like to be tied by. If you come into a session expecting to be served an experience, then perhaps rope bondage is actually not for you, because if you aren’t willing to put energy, presence, and responsibility into a session then you are not doing your part in contributing to a mutually safe and rewarding experience for you or your partner.

Saara Rei – A Stockholm-based performer, rope artist, and kink educator with a professional background in modern and ballroom dance, as well as teaching and public speech coaching. She has been practicing Japanese-inspired rope bondage, often referred to as Shibari or Kinbaku, since 2014.

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I would say almost every aspect of my life could be considered a practice in alternative lifestyles. I live in a cooperative: a house where everything is done cooperatively among all of its residence, from expenses to cooking to social gathering, everything is shared. I live a non-monogamous lifestyle, where the relationship agreements I make with others do not limit sexuality to be exclusively shared with one individual.

I love BDSM, and especially rope bondage, as a lifestyle; most of my close friends and relationships in general have been formed through BDSM and I spend the majority of my free time reading, speaking, teaching, learning, and going to events around BDSM and specifically rope bondage.

I also identify as genderqueer and have been “out of the closet” since I was in middle school; I even helped to organize the ‘Gay-Straight Alliance” when I was in middle school where we fronted the “Day of Silence” protest among other events. As well, I am also a huge sci-fi geek who dreams of cosplaying their favorite characters, and I am mathematician by training! Without a doubt, I love all facets of kink and alternative lifestyles. I have never been a person who has taken kindly to being told how I should be and what I should do. I don’t necessarily believe that everything mainstream is bad!

But I do believe that everybody should be able to explore freely for themselves who they are and what they like, and to be able to do that without fear or exclusion from society. I think judgements about how one should be do not just come from mainstream society… how many times have I been told I am “more queer” when my hair is short? Or that a real feminist cannot be submissive? Or that my rope is not “Japanese enough”? Why should we listen and be shaped by such voices? Voices that oppress me? I think I make it my life mission to say “NO” to such voices.

For me, it does not matter where such voices comes from, they are still boxes formed by judgements that tell me I must be a certain way or I cannot be. We should spend our time lifting each other up, especially in alternative cultures; we are fighting for our freedom to be ourselves – making war has casualties. And when we are few, those casualties can mean extinction. There is room for us all to be kinky and weird. Let’s not let the illusions of money, fame, and capitalism make us forget that.

How My Interest In Kinbaku Started

It’s a cute story, I think, about how I discovered Kinbaku. In the summer of 2014, a close friend of mine had returned from her first Nowhere Festival in Spain (a festival inspired by the Burning Man Festival in Nevada’s Black Rock Desert). As soon as I saw her to receive all her stories about her experiences, she began to tell me about a love affair she had with an Italian guy there, who swept her away by tying her up in his tent. And how she was so taken by this experience that she decided to go to Italy to visit him and to take some rope bondage lessons with him.

She then proceeded to ask me if I would take a beginner’s course with her in Berlin, where we both lived, as soon as she was back from Italy. And as you might expect from somebody who grew up in San Francisco followed by Berlin, my answer was a very unbothered “sure”. Since I was young I was always aware of my perversions. I often fantasized about being watched while I was in the bathroom, or being used by somebody sexually in public locations. I always knew I had a strong desire for submission, to put it generally, but I never really thought about the means to my submission much, such as bondage or pain, for instance. Perhaps they were always there, and sometimes would appear during sex in the bedroom, but never with much awareness.

Living in San Francisco, a city where alternative lifestyles were the norm, kink was always around me; kink.com made up an entire block in the center of the city and it was normal to see people walking around naked in the streets. I remember having to sit down with myself in my early 20s, having to contemplate if polyamory was really for me or if I was merely complying with social norms! So as you could imagine, my perspective on reality was quite non-normative to begin with.

And so kink has been around me casually since the start of my sexual exploration without much effort, and with that as well a lack of interest in really pursuing it as a lifestyle; like never managing to go to the museums in your hometown, kink and bondage just was never something that I really bothered to actively pursue… until the beginner’s course in rope bondage in Berlin!

My friend and I attended a two day beginner’s course hosted by a person named Caritia and her partner at the time, Steven. I had an expectation that I would like to be tied, which was confirmed, but was surprised to find how much I also enjoyed tying! The playfulness, the intimacy, and the creativity my close friend and I were able to share during these two days was inspiring. I loved both sides, but of course my sexual desires really called for me to explore being tied the most! After this workshop I proceeded to go to as many jams and workshops as possible – and the rest is history!

Learning Deeper About Rope Bondage

Luckily, living in Berlin, there was a lot going on at the time, especially at a venue formally known as Schwelle7, run by a now dear friend and teacher, Felix Rucket. It was there that I was able to go deep into rope bondage; it also happened to be the place where twice a year some of the most experienced people in rope bondage from all over the Europe would gather to exchange knowledge and, most importantly for me, play together.

At Schwelle7, I was able to form close relationships with people that also involved rope bondage. And of course these relationships did not form over night; they took time and energy. But after years of meeting the same people in what was a small community at that time, and living, moving, breathing together, you become familiar with each other. And relationship dynamics form between everybody. As in any community. And the beauty of this development is incredibly fulfilling, and is what kept me coming back.

If you want more of something in your life, then you need to invest your time and attention. Going to rope bondage and kink workshops, jams, and events gave me knowledge, experience, and community. And not once did I ever think of achieving something, but rather simply investing more in what I want in my life and enjoying every step of the process. 

What I Experience While Being Tied Up

This question is both very simple and very complicated. It is simple because I always try my best to always do the same thing when I am being tied: be present in the experience I am having and allow all reactions permission to be expressed exactly as they would like to be expressed. And it is complicated because this is hard to do! And there is absolutely no recipe for doing this, not even for myself! We are all so different from moment to moment; my mood, emotions, and physical fitness are constantly in flux and there is not so much I can actually control, as I see it.

With that, I believe that we all have to constantly work to towards finding our way back to ourselves – what we are feeling, thinking, and reacting. And rope can be extremely confronting in that our physical body is being disturbed and that this can bring out a whole array of emotions that can be hard to predict. Practicing BDSM in general has certainly helped me to bring more awareness to what I am feeling, especially when playing with emotions that I tend to avoid or ignore in the everyday life (like humiliation, shame, or fear).

Sitting with these emotions in a container that is a session, feeling and processing them, and coming out on the other side to see what the world has not ended and the person who has witnessed me in these feelings still cares for me has had a profoundly positive affect on my life.

As well, in terms of my physical body, my background as a ballroom dancer and competitive swimmer has given me a lot of insight that has been easy for me to transfer into my experience in rope bondage. Developing insight into how my body moves in space and feels when pushed has allowed me to cultivate an awareness of what is happening to my body that tells me when it is ok to push and when it is not. 

Part 2 to follow…

Saara Rei – A Stockholm-based performer, rope artist, and kink educator with a professional background in modern and ballroom dance, as well as teaching and public speech coaching. She has been practicing Japanese-inspired rope bondage, often referred to as Shibari or Kinbaku, since 2014.

Follow Saara on

Website: www.saararei.com

Instagram: www.instagram.com/saara.rei.shibari

Only Fans: www.onlyfans.com/saara_rei

Twitter: www.twitter.com/saara_rei

Photo credits as above

Like to be featured on SimplySxy? Drop us an email at editorial@SimplySxy.com!