Category: Lifestyle

  • LGBTQ: Respecting Choices

    LGBTQ: Respecting Choices

    Socrates and Plato made no bones about their homosexuality. Shakespeare and Michelangelo’s greatest love sonnets were addressed to young men and Julius Caesar was referred to as “every woman’s husband and every man’s wife”.

    Few people refrain from acts of sexual gratification during their entire lives. While most experience sexual activities with members of the opposite sex, some partner with members of their own, and a small proportion interacts sexually with members of either gender. A number of others derive pleasure in putting on clothing generally considered appropriate for the other gender for reasons that include sexual satisfaction. Regardless of the types of sexual activities an individual may favor, most remain within their customary sexual preferences. A common myth asserts that one can readily identify adult male homosexuals based on their physically effeminate traits and lesbians based on their masculine appearances. In fact, most homosexuals display no distinguishable physical differences from heterosexuals. However, when they become socially visible—which many now do—the society in general makes the distinction because gays and lesbians are seen to perform homosexual roles. This has resulted in the marginalization of these individuals as they frequently become targets for social stigma and rejection due to their differences from the heterosexual orientation of the majority of society.

    A good case in example is that of Angie Zapata who was brutally killed two weeks shy of her 19th birthday. She was beaten to death with fists and a fire extinguisher. Her killer, Allen Andrade, met her on the Internet and they decided that would meet for a sexual encounter. However, Andrade turned violent and struck her repeatedly when he discovered Zapata was biologically a man. He was charged with first degree murder of a transgendered person. During the trial, the jury listened to numerous jailhouse phone conversations, including him telling a girl friend that “gay things must die”. Andrade was subsequently found guilty and sentenced to life imprisonment.

    Such continuing intolerance of alternative sexuality stems, in part, from historical roots as shown from extensively documented attitudes toward homosexuality from medieval times. Repression of homosexuals spread in the thirteenth century as an unanticipated consequence of organizational reforms in the church and class conflict in society. This was later fuelled by campaigns for celibacy that encouraged condemnation of sodomists along with witches.

    Thankfully in recent times, the pitch of public disapproval of homosexuality and transgenders has declined markedly as celebrities such as Neil Patrick Harris, the ever flamboyant Elton John, Carmen Carrera, and Ellen Degeneres have come out of the closet amidst media scrutiny and are educating the public that their sexual preference is a conscious effort and that we all reconcile our lifestyles by our chosen and adopted set of values. Instead of trying to determine the science behind alternative sexuality and to correct the “deviant” gene, let us take this opportunity to celebrate Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Pride Month (LGBT Pride Month) this June and to embrace and respect our loved ones for the choices that they have made.

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  • How is Grindr Changing Gay Men’s Dating Culture?

    How is Grindr Changing Gay Men’s Dating Culture?

    For gay men active in the age of smartphone, installing Grindr on your phones seems to be a mandatory step to socialize with other gay men, or even meet your potential soulmates. Now in its fifth year and serving more than 5 million active users worldwide, Grindr has been dramatically transforming the dating culture for gay men. According to Vocativ, the app has been downloaded more than 10 million times since its launch in March, 2009. Its unique geolocating feature allows gay men to locate and interact with other peers in their area. It makes hookup or dating more convenient and often times, efficient than ever before.

    As a young gay man who only started using this popular app six months ago, I have to say that while Grindr has completely changed my understanding of gay men’s dating culture, it also has me worried about its negative influences on our community as a whole. It’s common to see gay men browsing different profiles on their phone, trying to find the ideal person for a hookup or date. Due to the nature of this app, most profiles will contain either headless torsos or topless hunks in a sexy poses. In a way, Grindr provides a perfect forum for those who enjoy the comfort of secrecy. For the majority of those who use it as a hookup tool, Grindr is a virtual closet where they can have fun while keeping their identities unknown. Silly as I am, I choose to challenge the popular trend by putting a clear picture of me on my Grindr profile, with the subject line clearly announcing my wishful thinking of meeting friends or lifelong partners. I ended up receiving mostly silent responses or even someone telling me that Grindr is not a place for me.

    What’s scarier are incidents where gay men were raped, robbed or even severely beaten or killed after meeting strangers found on Grindr. In the case of Dino Dizdarevic, the 25-year-old chemical engineer from Philadelphia who was viciously beaten and later strangled to death by a stranger he met on Grindr. When police found his body, Dizdarevic was already unrecognizable after the brutal assault. Incidents like this send warning signs to gay men, whether they use Grindr or not, about the dangerous nature of the app. With convenience and novelty comes the risk of turning yourself into a potential assailant or killer. While Grindr has benefited those who seek the short-term pleasure of hookups, it somehow leaves a negative impact on regular users like me, who now reconsider alternative options to socialize with other gay men. Fear of falling into traps, gay men might turn back to more traditional and reliable ways of socializing with other gay men. The uncertainty and risk reflect through Grindr’s convenience have planted the seeds of doubt and suspicion into gay men’s dating culture.

    But will gay men stop using Grindr eventually? Probably not. The convenience displayed by Grindr has been favored by many loyal users. While risk remains high for active users, I believe self-awareness and caution will convince most of them to keep enjoying Grindr’s connection-making ability. After all, not too many apps can satisfy many of their desires through simply tapping on a profile you like and starting a chat. Over time, a more refined and sophisticated version of geolocating dating app could emerge to bring gay men’s dating culture to another level.

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  • Making Love vs Shagging

    Making Love vs Shagging

    Matt-at-Lotus on a common dilemma we didn’t know we had

    Once upon a time in a gay sauna somewhere on the outskirts of the Midlands, sex was taking place or rather something mysterious happened between myself and a stranger who to this day, I have no idea what his name is. I do know that he is from Leeds. If you are a guy reading this, you may well be giggling to yourself because you know that it isn’t that unusual to have anonymous (the clue is in the name) sex with someone and never even get to the exchanging of names, let alone numbers. Who cares? Well, about what a person is (name, job, etc) I don’t give a damn. About who they are—I’m in.

    So allow me to paint you a pretty picture of this meeting of sweaty souls: I see the guy standing against the wall in the dark corridor of the sauna. He was, of course, wearing only a towel. I am pretty forward and impatient by nature so I simply nodded to him to follow me into the ‘rest room’ (the clue is not in the name) and we locked the door behind us. Then something amazing happened.

    I lay on top of him. There was no penetration except for tongues in mouths. Our breath was laboured, bodies sweaty and spines on fire. We rhythmically moved in unison. No speaking, climax, sudden climax in unison and then, then—it happened: we both burst into tears.

    I’m gonna give you a minute to process that …

    Want to know what happened there? We made love. Simple. As. That.

    No need for penetration. No props required. Just two guys (or souls, if you are that way inclined) sharing their nakedness on every level. We did not need to speak about the tears, we just lay there holding each other quite happily until we didn’t need to hold on anymore. Then we exchanged pleasantries (which is probably when I discovered he was from Leeds) and went our separate ways. I wasn’t left with the urge to marry him, stalk him or bum him.

    I was left feeling content and, wait for it: completely sexually satisfied.

    So, dear reader: making love or shagging?

    That is entirely up to you.

    Until next time …

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  • Top 5 Tips for Having Sex with A Transsexual

    Top 5 Tips for Having Sex with A Transsexual

    Adult Star Venus Lux shares her tips for having sex with a transsexual on SimplySxy!

    As you all know, the world is always changing especially when it comes to sexuality. Sex has no color, age, race, or any prejudice. With so much accessibility to pornography via the internet, people are now more willing to explore untouched territory especially when it comes to sex with transgender women. Sex should never be hard but sometimes when it comes to something unknown, useful information from a professional can put you on the right track! These are my top 5 tips to approaching sex with a transgender woman.

    1. Low expectations 

    Don’t get me wrong, having expectations are awesome! But to really have a good experience, it’s always best to know what you like but don’t expect your life fantasy to be all fulfilled in one instance. This is applicable both in life and in sex.

    2. Research

    Please do your homework and don’t hesitate to watch transsexual porn, so that you can get a better sense of what you like and what you may not. Along with understanding some of the sexual terminology such as (Greek, rimming, cuckold, missionary, creampie, top, bottom, etc). And if you are planning to be a bottom, understanding how to properly cleanse yourself for penetration is highly advised!

    3. The meeting

    Just like anyone else, always approach a transsexual with respect and common courtesy following the usage of proper address. You would hate to ruin the mood by calling a transsexual a man, gay, or a shemale. Like my friends say, “if the person is wearing a dress, address the person as a female”. Also, just because a transsexual may or may not have a penis, make sure you are sexually mutual beforehand. (Don’t hope to bottom if the girl isn’t into it)

    4. Sexual courtesy

    As a guy, maybe you don’t want to get a finger up your butt or get choked during sex. Of course, everyone should address their comforts and limits beginning and during sex. But if you plan to take on more of the power role in bed, always consider your partner’s needs if you want to continue the momentum. Below are some key tips about transsexuals:

    • ask if you can touch their hair (Keep in mind of extensions)
    • ask if you can touch their face (Some girls take pride in their makeup)
    • ask if you can touch or suck their cock (Some girls like it, some don’t)

    These are just a few side notes to think about.

    5. The moment

    I’m sure at this point, your cock is already throbbing. No worries! This is the time to enjoy yourself and to lose yourself in “the moment”. Be playful and try some new things. Be warned after the first time, you are just going to want more and better!

    P.S. A transsexual can’t get pregnant but always play and think safe! Safe sex can still always be fun. For me, Trojan bareskin condoms and kiwi strawberry WET lube always does wonders!


    venus_lux_zebra_print_1Venus Lux has become one of the top transsexual performers in the industry in the brief two years she has been in the adult industry. Since joining the industry in 2012, Venus has established herself as an experimental and dynamic performer, shining in an array of noteworthy scenes with men, women and transsexuals. The busty bombshell has attained numerous nominations and awards including a nomination for Transsexual Performer of the Year in the 2013 and 2014 AVN Awards. Venus currently holds the 2014 XBiz Award for Transsexual Performer of the Year and was named XCritic’s “Must-See Girl of the Month” in March 2014. At the 2014 Tranny Awards, the multi-talented star took home three awards for Best Scene, Best Solo Website and Hardcore Performer of the Year. The Asian Goddess has also shown that she is a skilled businesswoman with the launch of her member’s website Venus-Lux.com, which stars some of the hottest adult starlets and is one of the few independently run websites for transsexuals. Venus writes a popular column for AIPDaily called “Venus Rising” where she shares her opinions and news in the adult industry. With multiple awards and several mainstream projects under her belt, it’s clear that this alluring performer isn’t going anywhere and it won’t be long before Venus Lux is a household name.

    http://www.starfactorypr.com/venus-lux-bio.html
    http://wwww.starfactorypr.com/venus-lux
    http://www.Venus-Lux.com
    http://twitter.com/VenusLux
    http://instagram.com/VenusLux


    Images courtesy of Venus Lux
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  • 5 Ways To Pleasure A Woman

    5 Ways To Pleasure A Woman

    XXX Adult Star Derrick Pierce shares on SimplySxy, his secrets on how to pleasure a woman.  Read on!

    Before we even head down this road please understand that you are fighting an uphill battle. It can be won, it will just take some doing on your part. Don’t be afraid of a little hard work. Trust me, she will appreciate it.

    1. It’s called communication

    This should happen WAY before any actual physical activities. Want to get her going before she hits the bed? Start that little text conversation. Make small sexual advances throughout the day. Nothing too over the top, unless you have already established these parameters. It can be more suggestive than anything else. The real trick is to get her to text you nasty things of her own accord. You can do this by making a small suggestion such as “I love the way you taste on my lips”. If you make it about her, she will usually be into it. Once she takes the bait, don’t reel her in. Let her run with it for a bit. If she responds in the affirmative, then ask her what she likes about it. Keep it about her as much as possible.

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    2. Ready for action

    Be clean! Pretty simple and straight forward. clean doesn’t only mean a shower. It means having a shave if needs be. Trim your nose hairs and pubic hair too! No need to shave it off, unless you are into that, but trim it back. Ladies don’t want a mouth full of hair in their mouth if they feel like trying to swallow you up. Most men don’t like the amazon rainforest in between the pillars of heaven either. Show some initiative and get your lawn in order.

    3. Ready … set … slow down

    Once you are prepped for battle—that is well groomed—there is no real need to rush into the thick of things, unless it is supposed to be a quickie. Even then, you can take a minute to survey your surroundings. Don’t rush to get her naked. Clothes can be fun. Pull a few things to the side. Leave on her shoes, unless they are Uggs or flip flops … those things have got to go!

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    4. The Bermuda Triangle

    Most men think women are an upside down triangle with the nipples being two points of contact and the vagina being the final resting place of the third. Wrong! We have fingers, hands, arms, toes, feet, legs … you get the picture. While those three points end up being a “final resting place” as the action goes on, it does not mean that all other areas are off limits. Grab her from behind, talk to her, tell her what she is in store for. Speak slowly and close to her so she can hear you. Use your hands to touch her whole body. Kiss and nibble on places that you normally would pass up. When you are going to go down on her, lick and touch everything except the clitoris. Save that for last. Keep licking her around and around slowly, ask her what she wants. I can near guarantee that she will all but beg you to lick her whole pussy. After that, you would have to work really hard to go wrong.

    Jessic_Drake_Derrick_Pierce_Underworld_01_Wicked

    5. Keep her coming back

    Don’t think because you busted a load in a rubber body bag or you made finger paint art on her stomach, that you are now done. Make sure that she has a big ass smile before you call it quits. If you can, chill out with her for a few moments. Pillow talk and some cup caking goes a long way. If you can’t, hit her with a message that is kind of sweet after you have left. It lets her know that even if it was a “hit it and roll out” you did think about her in the aftermath. That will give you an open invitation to have those lines of communication at a later time.


    Derrick_AVNredcarpetPrior to joining the ranks of the porn elite, XXX hunk Derrick Pierce was a certified personal trainer and martial arts instructor. The “Bad Boy of Adult” has coached and cornered some of the most acclaimed professional MMA athletes from both WEC and UFC. Derrick has performed in a multitude of roles ranging from hardcore BDSM to feature adult films. The handsome stud has worked with every established adult production company and plays the convincing villain in Axel Braun’s comic book parody films such as Wolverine XXX, The Dark Knight XXX and Captain America XXX. Derrick was awarded Best Actor in a Couples Themed Release for his directorial feature movie release with Wicked Pictures’ Tuff Love, a film centered around his passion for MMA. Derrick also received nominations for Director of the Year,  Male Performer of the Year, Best Actor and Best Supporting Actor in the 2014 XBiz Awards and Best Supporting Actor in the 2014 AVN Awards. Derrick recently launched the first mobile crossfit affiliate, Crossfit Drop and already has his hands in several production ventures. Derrick has launched his first member’s website BangingPornstars.com, which follows Derrick’s adventures in bedding some of the hottest starlets in adult. The Herculean performer has proven his talent behind the camera. With his own production company, Primal Productions, and directorial releases including Hustler’s 40th anniversary Hard And Fast, he now looks to make a name for himself as the next XXX producer to watch.

    http://starfactorypr.com/derrick-pierce
    http://starfactorypr.com/derrick-pierce-bio.html
    www.Twitter.com/DPierceXXX
    www.Instagram.com/DerrickPierce
    http://BangingPornstars.com
    http://CrossfitDrop.com
    http://twitter.com/CrossfitDrop
    http://instagram.com/CrossfitDrop


    Images courtesy of Derrick Pierce
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  • Sex Under the Influence of Jack Daniels Vs. Sex Under the Influence of Mary Jane

    Sex Under the Influence of Jack Daniels Vs. Sex Under the Influence of Mary Jane

    First off, this article was written for the sole purpose of scientific inquiry. We understand that cannabis use has not yet made that leap towards international legalization, and while that’s a shame, we discourage use of illicit substances. Having said that, let’s move forward to the heart and soul of the article. I have my own share of experiences having sex after a night of heavy drinking and a few nights making love under the influence of cannabis. Sex alone, no matter how lousy, is a magical experience. How wonderful can it get if I was to add a substance to enhance the experience?

    Complex Intellectual Functioning

    In my experience of smoking pot and in my experience of drinking alcohol near my level of tolerance, I noticed that higher levels of brain functioning was no longer available. In both experiences, I could not think straight, I wasn’t very rational, and I lost the ability to think ahead. Nonetheless, who needs rational thinking when you’re about to have sex?

    Anxiety

    Personally, I experience a bit of a performance anxiety when having sex with someone for the first time. At the back of my head, I know my performance today might affect my chances with other girls in the future because girls talk a lot, and they talk about everything. Alcohol made sure those nasty thoughts in my head were gone. Likewise, anxious thoughts had no space in my cannabinoid-surging brain. In both experiences, my tendency to be anxious was addressed.

    Extended Plateau Phase

    One magical thing I noticed under the influence of either alcohol or marijuana was the extended plateau phase. I was less excited by visual cues such as a woman’s full breasts, curvy body, toned midsection, and flawless skin among others when tipsy. I was able to last longer and enjoy the experience rather than thinking of disgusting things just to hold it a little longer. The same was true when I smoked weed prior to sex; I was living in the moment. Thinking of nothing else and fully taking in every stimulus presented by each moment led to a fascinating experience. Under the influence of marijuana, paradoxically, I felt like I was letting go and letting the experience come yet I felt like I was in complete control. Being in this state of mind gave me the pleasure of extending the plateau phase for as long as I wanted.

    Motivation

    The motivation behind wanting to have sex under the influence of alcohol was different from my motivation when I smoked pot. After consuming a few beers or a few shots and I was with someone, my desire to take her clothes off and do unspeakable things would usually consume me. With my heightened libido, I could not wait until my woman and I were behind closed doors and closed lights so that I could get the bed rocking and creaking. In retrospect, I was motivated to have sex to satisfy my need for pleasure and release. On the other hand, the motivation to be with someone under the influence of cannabis was to be able to touch and feel a woman’s body. I wasn’t burning with desire; however, my skin wanted to feel the skin of the woman I’m with. I found intense pleasure in pressing my body against my lover’s body. As opposed to using a woman’s body to gratify my sexual desires, my main motivation under the influence of weed was to enjoy and share my body with my lover. There’s a huge difference in terms of experience when I was out to get something versus when I was out to share something.

    Sensual Acuity

    Under the influence of alcohol, I noticed I was less sensitive as if my entire body was covered by a huge condom. I was still able to enjoy a woman’s soft and delicate body, and I could still feel her warm and lubricating lady parts but it was not as intense as compared to when I’m sober. The loss of sensitivity can also be a factor in extending the plateau phase of the encounter. On the contrary, a sexual experience enhanced by marijuana can be strong, passionate, and intense. It’s as if every part of my body was coming to life. I was extra sensitive, but I wasn’t too excited. My attention was not confined to my manhood; I was aware of every sensation from my hair down to my toes. Words fail to completely describe the beautiful experience.

    Partner in Crime

    Having sex sober can also be a mind-blowing experience. However, if my partner was a little tipsy or has elected to take a hit or two, the tryst can drastically change for the better. After sharing a few drinks with my woman, the approach to sex took a different form. Instead of the usual slow and calculated movements along with an incredible amount of gentle foreplay, tipsy sex can be rough, beastly, and desecrating. Both of us couldn’t wait to tear each other’s clothes apart. Once the clothes were on the floor, every action was directed by impulse. Hickies and scratches were unavoidable because of the irresistible urge to follow basic instincts. On the other hand, having sex when my partner and I smoked pot was the epitome of lovemaking. The need to have our bodies close and pressed against each other was insatiable. I couldn’t get enough of kissing her, and she couldn’t get enough kissing me. I wanted to lick and suck every inch of her skin, and she wanted to do the same to me. It may sound like spiritual mumbo-jumbo but once I was inside of her, I experienced the hallucinogenic property of marijuana. It felt like I was making love to every woman and all women in the world at the same time. The encounter was transcendental as I was able to go beyond my body, and her body acted as a conduit to a greater experience. I have no idea if she felt the same. I hope she did.

    Like I said before, sex alone is a magical experience. Add a substance and the experience can go to another level or take a different form. Sex under the influence of alcohol is amazing and the wonderful thing about it is that consumption of alcohol is legal everywhere. I can’t say the same thing about weed because only a few states have allowed its recreational use. If you are lucky enough to be living in this state, what’s stopping you from taking advantage of its effects?


    SimplySxy does not advocate the use of any form of drugs and illicit substances.


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  • Oohhhh … Tantric Sexual Massages

    Oohhhh … Tantric Sexual Massages

    It frustrates me that when it comes to carnal desire. I so often hear people charge men of only being interested in one thing, Sex! But this is so not true. Yes men do love to have penetrative sex; its primal; its immensely satisfying when good and ultimately, it can secure our genetic line and because of this it is clearly what biologically we as men are programmed to enjoy as often as possible and with as many (females) as possible.  However, what many don’t appreciate—and I include many men in this—is that most men also enjoy and actually need the physical intimate touch that come with the sex as much as the sex itself.  In fact, many men find it difficult to perform as confidently as they want to if they do not feel an intimate connection with their partner, be it a female or male.

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    There is no doubt in my mind that the adage “women have a higher threshold of pain than men” is correct, childbirth makes this necessary but I would go on to say that it appears to me that men have a “lower threshold of pleasure than women”. I have to date, given over 5,000 sensual massages to men and some 200 to women and I can confidently say that from my experience in the arousal states, male bodies generally react and get aroused faster to touch than female bodies.

    With the male body I find that it is usually after only 5 to 10 minutes into the massage and often see the clear evidence of arousal. Gentle moans or movements of the body and of course a developing erection is a clear sign and as the massage unfolds, the man will become even more aroused and reactive. These bodily reactions to my touch are immediate when I stroke his back, scratch my nails on his bum or inner thighs or even simply massage his scalp, all of this will make him spontaneously respond with pleasurable sounds or movement. But I believe that there is far more to this than just sexual arousal.

    It is clear to me that as the massage unfolds and as my touch stimulates the skin’s sensory nerve endings, triggering the Pituitary gland to release Oxytocin, the hormone cutely called by some, “the love hormone”, the man experiences arousal and erection is usually the result. What I have also noticed is that arousal takes place and so manifests his need to create and intimate connection with me.  This may simply be a hand touching my thigh, arm or body or somewhere even more intimate. So I figure that similar in relevance to nature programming pain thresholds to be higher for women to be able to endure childbirth, that this need and desire in men for intimate (reciprocal) touch has also been programmed into the male physiology and psychology for a similar reason.  No, his hand reaching out to touch me should not be viewed simply as a predatory sexual approach but more of a genuine desire for connection and to receive approval and acceptance from another.

    Most men know that to become completely and fully aroused, most need to feel connected, entitled and wanted of by the other person, be it female or male.  Having his own touch welcomed and acknowledged and then reciprocated, particularly when received and given to sensitive and genital areas (the scrotum, perineum, anus) a man unconsciously feels he can trust and feel safe and it is this feeling of safety that triggers his nervous system slide from the fight or flight mode to the rest and relax mode thus removing anxiety, allowing total relaxation of the muscles and mood and consequently give him maximum arousal.

    My experience when giving male-to-male massage is that it is this dynamic of intimate connection between men that is as pleasurable as the arousal and eventual orgasm itself. Conversely, when I give sensual massage to female clients after an initial quiet period, I find many women explode into an almost sexual abandonment where they let go completely of themselves to the erotic nature of the massage. For example, in the male to male massage, the effect of cupping and gently stroking his balls and scrotum produces in the receiver not an erotic response but more of a bonding, caring and almost paternal emotion. Tritely, I often say that to test my theory about what men really want, I should stand in Trafalgar Square with a sign offering all the men there two options a) the option of having either a 5 minute fuck or b) to enjoy a 90 minute full body sensual massage that would of course, include and orgasm by hand but not include any penetrative sex. I truly believe that the majority of men, certainly those over the age of 25, would opt for option b!

    Demure Debutante to Erotic: The Female Time Bomb

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    When I give a sensual massage to a female client, the dynamic of the massage is quite different. Initially, the response to my touch is much slower and more sedated, there is very little display of movement or sound. In fact, the female who does immediately display any response is the exception. However, it is after about 30 minutes that I begin to see quite quickly, the effects of my touch and maybe some movement and moans. But when I start the more erotic touch genital stimulation that is when I see and feel what I call the female “Flip” as the demure deb explodes into the erotic animal. Light sighs become groans of pleasure, gentle movements becomes trashing and straining of limbs and the gentle response to my intimate touch become grabbing and pulling as her energy and attention become rooted in her erotic journey.   Again, this is proof of the effect of the oxytocin at work. It causes an initial arousal process but when released into the female body it creates at first a tempered effect, a kind of wariness and an “I like of what you are doing but let me check you out first” feeling, it is only when this passes and when the touch has been assessed and accepted that the decorum deserts, reticence rolls away and is replaced by a full-on primal sexual reaction.

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    Don’t let it ever be said that women are less sexual than men. If you believe it is men who hold the erotic trump card, you will be wrong. It has to be said that after giving some 200 sensual massages to women, I am still in awe of this experience. Beware guys! Today’s female is changing fast. No longer is it the prerogative of men to be the sexual overseer and it’s not just the young nubile female of the 21st century who is taking control and expressing her deeper desires but in my experience, it is the ladies who are over 35 years old who are the powerhouses of sexual energy. Like a ready time bomb; once the female who has been historically suppressed by cultural, religious or simply social controls lets these fall away, what is revealed is her womanhood in its true glory. But this is not new, only our times and understanding of the female sexuality have changed. During the Victorian era more than 100 years ago; female sexual desire in particular, was just as apparent. The women in the 1850s felt no less sexual desire as a woman of today, but today we understand that for her arousal, orgasm and sexual satisfaction is an essential part of being a female human being. It is not a sign of mental disorder; it is not an indication of being morally corrupt or sacrilegious. It is a simply sign of being a woman and men should embrace and encourage this without question and both parties to enjoy the results.

    So go for it girls, reclaim your sexual territory but remember to let the men enjoy being the intimate animals for a while. Given them some tenderness, caress, stroke and care for them and then in return, they will give you all you want in bundles (as long as you show them you want it).


    Colin Richards www.massage33.com / www.intimacymatters.co.uk
    If you have yet to watch the videos, you can view them at https://vimeo.com/95166258 and https://vimeo.com/94660900.


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    Video courtesy of www.massage33.com
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  • Summer = Showtime!

    Summer = Showtime!

    Dear fashionistas,

    Can you still remember the amazing Marc Jacobs’ collection for Louis Vuitton’s latest Spring/Summer season fashion show? It was most outstanding and in case you’ve missed it, here is the YouTube link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=igmtA_yKUH8

    It was a sensational big bang; the final statement to end Marc Jacobs’ era with this reputational French fashion house.http:show-for-louis-vuitton

    Marc Jacobs’ show was also interesting because this collection gives us plenty of ideas for our private showtimes at home: Make your appearance remarkable, be gorgeous, be a showgirl! Take the breath away from your sweetheart! Give him a performance he never will forget.

    But how to go about doing that?

    Be mysterious, wear black. Black is the most seductive color as it never goes out of style and looks sensational on every woman. Select lingerie made of high quality materials because you don´t want to leave a sleazy tacky impression. Black lace is always a good choice! It is ever so sophisticated and never fails to work its mojo. Below is a classic black lace slip dress.

    Lace-dress-222x300

    What about pearls? Oh yes, so nice and delicate! And if you have seen “Sex and the City” then you know how naughty pearls can be! Yes, be naughty!

    Do also try crotchless briefs, peephole bras and open cup babydolls!

    My special recommendation for A-Cup girls who don’t feel comfortable wearing open cup bras is to try versions such as the one shown below.

    2014-04-29-14.39.06-225x300

    The bra has a padded and push-up cup to give you a sexy cleavage and is covered with a see-through mesh or lace to maintain the sexy and light feeling.

    Last but not least, let´s think about accessories. One can never go wrong with teasing. Have you ever tried whips or tassels? If not, this is your opportunity! In line with the big glamour theme, we use chichi kits with rhinestones (but of course), marabou feathers or sequins.

    And now, let’s have a sexy summer showtime !

    Cami 201 final rgb2014-05-13 17.14.58

    Images courtesy of Jutta Teschner | Design and Managing Director | fishbelly

    fishbelly is located at 45, Hollywood Road 1/F, Soho/Central, Hong KongFor more enquiries, contact fishbelly at Tel. (+852) 5111 9877, mail@fishbelly-lingerie.com or visit their website at http://www.fishbelly-lingerie.com/ All photos in this article are courtesy of fishbelly.

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  • Are YOU Getting It?

    Are YOU Getting It?

    Spilling the Beans from Inside the Sex Industry

    I am going to say something controversial. Brace yourself. Before you brace yourself, allow me to introduce myself—I’m Matt Chase, my work name is Matt-at-Lotus. I am a sex worker (although I prefer to be called a ‘sexpert’, go on, please …) who gets paid to have sex with mainly men but this sometimes depends on, you know, wind direction and the like (wink wink). I’m also a writer and trained in therapeutic interventions including counselling and psychotherapy. Now, are you bracing?

    Sex workers get paid to make love to their clients.

    I told you I was going to say something controversial.

    You see, I believe that you can make love on a one night stand. I also believe that you can pay for a lovemaking session and yes, I believe passionately that you can be paid to make love to someone. The thing about me is that I genuinely enjoy my job. As with all professions, some workers will just go through the motions for money and others will be doing the job of their dreams. I am doing the job of my dreams. Why? I am a man who gets paid to do what he loves to do—make love, teach guys how to have body orgasms (yes guys it is possible, call me), have sex (it’s slightly different from making love), massage sexually, share a laugh, have some fun, give some compassion and be a shoulder to lean on—everything I was born to do.

    I have always been very highly sexed. I was born with an innate gift of empathy and I have always had a knack of knowing just what another wants and needs between the sheets (or on the floor, up against the wall … you get the idea). Sex workers, it seems to me, get a bum deal (pun intended) when it comes to exactly what the world at large thinks we get up to.

    Actually, they have no idea.

    Once upon a Christmas, I was at an ‘office party’—a gathering of sex workers at the annual party thrown by the guy who runs a well-known Escort Listings site—and the conversation of course, moved onto our work. “I always find the real session starts after the sex, that’s when I become the client’s therapist” … “I love the elderly clients who have only just found the courage to accept themselves as gay” … “My disabled client last week told me an escort had turned him away! That’s so unprofessional” … “I love being an escort, there’s no job like it” … and the comments continued rolling from my colleagues’ tongues as I proceeded to make mental notes, you know, being a writer and all.

    The thing is, I have a confession to make. The Christmas party as mentioned was going to be my ‘goodbye and farewell’ to the industry as I prepared to concentrate on my ‘other’ lives of writing and doing odd jobs but then something happened. I fell in love all over again.

    I fell in love with my colleagues; the most professional, respectful and genuine people you are ever likely to meet. I fell in love with my job; a job that has never bored me, has always been safer than my other jobs (I was attacked with a knife when I was a nurse, bullied by my boss as a therapist, I could go on …) and yes I have to admit, pays very nicely thank you. I fell in love with my rebellious nature for you have to have balls to do this job and stand tall in a world where all sex workers are tarred with the same stigmatised brush. I remember once when the trainer in the gym asked me what I did for a living. “I’m a sex worker”, I replied. The poor man almost fell off the treadmill.

    What is it about sex that makes us so shy? Is it the sex? Or is it the intimacy? I say it again. Sex workers get paid to make love to their clients. Is it the make love bit that makes us so uncomfortable?

    I can feel a cause coming on. I can sense a heat burning from within and no, it isn’t a bladder infection. It’s rage—passionate, soulful, society-changing rage. Why?

    Because ‘they’ are trying to change the law.

    The ‘powers’ from within the corridors of representation (yes people, we elect them to represent us) are attempting to manipulate the system in order to criminalise men and women who pay for sex.

    So I say it again. Sex workers make love to their clients.

    Oh there’s nothing wrong with sex, don’t get me wrong and yes I do see very clearly that I do work a little differently than most sex workers, but I am deliberately pushing a point here. You cannot legislate against human emotion. You cannot do it. You also cannot legislate in order to control other people according to your own inhibitions. Society as a whole should not be given the power to stigmatise an entire profession on the basis of how they appear to be. Hence, the reason as to why I have written this article that shows you how it really is for me and my colleagues.

    Yes, there are many different aspects of prostitution and yes, there are serious issues such as exploitation, trafficking, drug use, among others that need addressing but there are already laws put in place to protect people from this (if it isn’t their choice) and there exist laws intended to protect children and vulnerable adults but they are not working. Introducing new laws—which equally will not work—has been challenged by academics, liberty groups and sex workers but their arguments are falling on deaf ears. A knee-jerk reaction by out-of-date governments is not the answer. It never was.

    If you do what you always did, you get what you always got. Find another way. If you would like some help in finding another way, why not ask a professional sex worker for some advice? Because we probably know more than you do. No offence intended, but let’s get to the root of the problem here: ignorance.

    I do the job I do because I am good at it. I am not female. I am not trafficked. I wasn’t abused as a child and I don’t use drugs. Well, apart from too much coffee but you gotta give me something …

    Image courtesy of Shutterstock
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  • Pain du le pain | Beyond the Honeymoon Phase

    Pain du le pain | Beyond the Honeymoon Phase

    Pain du le pain | Beyond the Honeymoon Phase

    I have been asked numerous times about my relationship with the mon ami and while most are perhaps expecting an interracial; cross-cultural case study of some sort, the truth is that ethnicity plays a tiny role when it comes to sustaining a relationship. Over the past year, the mon ami and I have sorted out our differences though open, honest communication and managing our expectations of each other. Like any other typical boy living in his own pad, the boyfriend takes messiness to a whole new level and he has so very much perfected the art of self-sufficiency that even till today—a year later—he never fails to astound me with his antics.

    I can vividly remember the day that he had invited me over to his place for a dinner with his flat mates and into his room for a cup of coffee thereafter. There was a certain sense of awkwardness, arising not from the prospect of any sexy time but rather, the state of his room. Grocery stores’ plastic bags were strewn all over and there was hardly an inch of space that could accommodate both the cup of coffee and I. He paused for a second before hurriedly picking up the debris around and shoving the unsightly bags under the bed. With a mug of coffee in his hands, he then proceeded to show me his beautifully framed family picture albeit coated in a thick layer of dust, tucked behind the curtains, and buried under a stack of papers and brochures. I remember him apologizing sheepishly about the clutter and grunting that he ought to clean it up soon.

    Fast forward twelve months later, I now know to my dismal that it would probably take an apocalyptic disaster before he will (grudgingly) clean out his room. I have since taken matters into my own hands by clearing up the area instead and marking out specific non-feeding aka ‘you may not eat here’ spots instead of picking on him incessantly about his ‘den of a bear’ living conditions.

    On any regular day, the mon ami would have at least two bottles of water and coke by his bed for hydration purposes, or so he claims. It seems that these serve a functional purpose too for I woke up from a nap one afternoon seeing him dropping grapes into a bottle of mineral water and swirling them around before proceeding to pop them into his mouth and munching them happily.

    Me: What are you doing?
    Him: Rinsing the raisins.
    Me: Huh?
    Him: Like this. -proceeds to dunk more grapes into the bottle and performs the tornado shake-
    Me: -widens eyes in shock-
    Him: Now … see. They are clean for consumption.
    Him: Shall I offer you some?
    Me: No. Thank you very much.

    Totally unhygienic and insufferable but kinda adorable at the same time and I wouldn’t want to change him in any way.

    In addition, I have also learnt first-hand that the rumor about Frenchmen being clingy, persistent, and vocal is very likely (and thankfully) an urban legend. Even though the mon ami surely does not lack in the affection department, I was slightly bewildered and worried about the lack of endearment and his penchant for ‘disappearing during working hours’. A normal day would usually go by without any form of contact until the end of the day. While I was initially wary and attributed this to a major sign of dodginess, it wasn’t before long I realized that this was how I used to be in my previous relationship for I would go on for hours at work without replying to meaningless “How are you?” and “What are you having for lunch?” messages. Moreover, he would address me by “Hey!” instead of the conventional “hun/dear” and his whimsical terms of endearments range from “my little whale”—after a heavy meal—to “my Singaporean spring roll” as he wrapped me up with white bed sheets and rolled me around gleefully.

    In his defense, he has learned to bear with my quirkiness and inadequacies too. He is now fully aware that apart from being extremely prone to spacing out, I am born with a chronic bitch face as opposed to looking pissed most of the time, that he is better off bringing an elephant to the dance floor as I am most certain to stumble and fall, and that I would very much prefer washing my grapes under the running tap instead.

    Image courtesy of Shutterstock
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