Spilling the Beans from Inside the Sex Industry
I am going to say something controversial. Brace yourself. Before you brace yourself, allow me to introduce myself—I’m Matt Chase, my work name is Matt-at-Lotus. I am a sex worker (although I prefer to be called a ‘sexpert’, go on, please …) who gets paid to have sex with mainly men but this sometimes depends on, you know, wind direction and the like (wink wink). I’m also a writer and trained in therapeutic interventions including counselling and psychotherapy. Now, are you bracing?
Sex workers get paid to make love to their clients.
I told you I was going to say something controversial.
You see, I believe that you can make love on a one night stand. I also believe that you can pay for a lovemaking session and yes, I believe passionately that you can be paid to make love to someone. The thing about me is that I genuinely enjoy my job. As with all professions, some workers will just go through the motions for money and others will be doing the job of their dreams. I am doing the job of my dreams. Why? I am a man who gets paid to do what he loves to do—make love, teach guys how to have body orgasms (yes guys it is possible, call me), have sex (it’s slightly different from making love), massage sexually, share a laugh, have some fun, give some compassion and be a shoulder to lean on—everything I was born to do.
I have always been very highly sexed. I was born with an innate gift of empathy and I have always had a knack of knowing just what another wants and needs between the sheets (or on the floor, up against the wall … you get the idea). Sex workers, it seems to me, get a bum deal (pun intended) when it comes to exactly what the world at large thinks we get up to.
Actually, they have no idea.
Once upon a Christmas, I was at an ‘office party’—a gathering of sex workers at the annual party thrown by the guy who runs a well-known Escort Listings site—and the conversation of course, moved onto our work. “I always find the real session starts after the sex, that’s when I become the client’s therapist” … “I love the elderly clients who have only just found the courage to accept themselves as gay” … “My disabled client last week told me an escort had turned him away! That’s so unprofessional” … “I love being an escort, there’s no job like it” … and the comments continued rolling from my colleagues’ tongues as I proceeded to make mental notes, you know, being a writer and all.
The thing is, I have a confession to make. The Christmas party as mentioned was going to be my ‘goodbye and farewell’ to the industry as I prepared to concentrate on my ‘other’ lives of writing and doing odd jobs but then something happened. I fell in love all over again.
I fell in love with my colleagues; the most professional, respectful and genuine people you are ever likely to meet. I fell in love with my job; a job that has never bored me, has always been safer than my other jobs (I was attacked with a knife when I was a nurse, bullied by my boss as a therapist, I could go on …) and yes I have to admit, pays very nicely thank you. I fell in love with my rebellious nature for you have to have balls to do this job and stand tall in a world where all sex workers are tarred with the same stigmatised brush. I remember once when the trainer in the gym asked me what I did for a living. “I’m a sex worker”, I replied. The poor man almost fell off the treadmill.
What is it about sex that makes us so shy? Is it the sex? Or is it the intimacy? I say it again. Sex workers get paid to make love to their clients. Is it the make love bit that makes us so uncomfortable?
I can feel a cause coming on. I can sense a heat burning from within and no, it isn’t a bladder infection. It’s rage—passionate, soulful, society-changing rage. Why?
Because ‘they’ are trying to change the law.
The ‘powers’ from within the corridors of representation (yes people, we elect them to represent us) are attempting to manipulate the system in order to criminalise men and women who pay for sex.
So I say it again. Sex workers make love to their clients.
Oh there’s nothing wrong with sex, don’t get me wrong and yes I do see very clearly that I do work a little differently than most sex workers, but I am deliberately pushing a point here. You cannot legislate against human emotion. You cannot do it. You also cannot legislate in order to control other people according to your own inhibitions. Society as a whole should not be given the power to stigmatise an entire profession on the basis of how they appear to be. Hence, the reason as to why I have written this article that shows you how it really is for me and my colleagues.
Yes, there are many different aspects of prostitution and yes, there are serious issues such as exploitation, trafficking, drug use, among others that need addressing but there are already laws put in place to protect people from this (if it isn’t their choice) and there exist laws intended to protect children and vulnerable adults but they are not working. Introducing new laws—which equally will not work—has been challenged by academics, liberty groups and sex workers but their arguments are falling on deaf ears. A knee-jerk reaction by out-of-date governments is not the answer. It never was.
If you do what you always did, you get what you always got. Find another way. If you would like some help in finding another way, why not ask a professional sex worker for some advice? Because we probably know more than you do. No offence intended, but let’s get to the root of the problem here: ignorance.
I do the job I do because I am good at it. I am not female. I am not trafficked. I wasn’t abused as a child and I don’t use drugs. Well, apart from too much coffee but you gotta give me something …