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Tag: Sex

  • My wife only has sex with other men and no longer with me. What can I do?

    My wife only has sex with other men and no longer with me. What can I do?

    Have a question on your mind about sex or seeking advice? Ask us on any topic and we’ll provide you with the answers from an expert. Send them in to editorial@simplysxy.com. 

    I first met my wife whilst I was on a break in Durban, South Africa five years ago. I was based in Lusaka in the final year of a four year assignment in Zambia and I needed a week or two in a somewhat normal country and found a small but elegant beachside guest house on the internet and booked in for a week. The owner promised to send her daughter to meet me at the airport in Durban and drive me to the guest house. There was no direct flight from Lusaka to Durban so I had to fly into Johannesburg and then transfer to a domestic flight. It wasn’t particularly taxing, but by the time I finally landed at the Durban airport I was glad someone was there to meet me. Little did I know then that she would end up being my wife in a few months.

    Anna* was slim, in her mid-thirties, blonde, deeply tanned and dressed like she had just come in from the bush with tan trousers, a loose t-shirt and boots that were made for hill walking, not strutting down a fashion runway. By chance she had just arrived that day on a two week break from her job at an upmarket safari camp near Kruger Park and had yet to change out of her work clothes.

    To make a long story short, we hit it off immediately, stayed up all night long drinking and talking and, just when the sun was coming up she took off her clothes, walked over to where I was sitting and unzipped my trousers and gave me the best blow job I had in years.

    We spent the following two weeks in bed with each other between long walks on the beach and nights out at restaurants. When it came time to finally say goodbye, Anna* asked if there was a future for us. When I said there certainly was she asked if I would be faithful to her. I told her I would and asked if she would be faithful to me. She told me the best she could do was try but her willpower often let her down. She then told me that she had a couple of ‘fuckbuddies’ at the safari lodge but they were married so they didn’t pose a threat to me. According to her, they just came over to her little apartment after work, drank some wine and had sex with her. She said one of them was Chris*, the son of the owner of the lodge, and it was impossible for her to say no to him as it would threaten her job and the other was, Johnny*, a handsome ranger that she would almost find it impossible to say no to. She told me both of them were very well endowed. When I asked her if they were larger than me she just giggled and said most men were far larger than me but tried to reassure me by saying that, although I wasn’t very well endowed, most men with big cocks were arrogant assholes and only cared about sex, not about forming a long-term relationship.

    I was kind of taken aback but the best I could think was to ask her to be at least honest with me about things. She promised she would and she lived up to her word. After I finally got back to my digs in Lusaka, after a couple of long flights and a dodgy taxi ride over potholed roads in the pitch black of night, I turned on my phone and got two texts.

    The first one read: ‘Chris* came over, we talked for a bit, and I went down on him. He wanted to fuck me but I felt funny about that’.

    The second one read: ‘Johnny* came over after he saw Chris* leave and screwed my brains out. Hope you had a good flight back’.

    Three months later I proposed to Anna* and she accepted. When she got back to the safari lodge after the break we had been on she told the owner she was going to resign and the staff threw her a party, not quite believing she had found somebody who wanted to marry instead of just fucking her on the side. Of course the engagement didn’t stop Johnny* and Chris* fucking her. Every night I would receive a text telling me that she had sex with at least one of them.

    I had gone back to Lusaka with a chastity device fitted securely on my cock and balls. Anna* found it when she went to an all women’s sex store in an upmarket neighbourhood north of Durban and was thrilled when the salesgirl told her what it was. It was one of those plastic ones which actually are very uncomfortable to wear over a long period but I was committed to the relationship and gladly let her keep both keys and promised to not fiddle with it while we were apart. I had to shave myself before I put it on and the urge to scratch myself when my pubic hair started growing back in was truly annoying.

    Despite the fact that she was having affairs with two men at the time she couldn’t stand the thought of me even getting aroused by another woman in her absence. I ended up wearing it up until the day we were married and I will never forget the feeling when it first came off. I felt like a virgin. On our wedding night I don’t think I lasted more than thirty seconds the three times we made love. It was particularly hard wearing it in the mornings while I was still in Lusaka and Anna* was at the safari lodge and the text would come in the morning telling me how one of her loves had enjoyed her pussy or lips the previous night.

    Since her notice time was six weeks and our marriage was set for four weeks away, after we were married she had to return to complete the final two weeks of her contract. The wedding ring did little to deter Johnny* and Chris*, who continued to fuck her up until the day she left the lodge. I guess that was when I officially became a cuckold. She was faithful to me for about 12 hours after she returned to the game reserve.

    Five years later we are now based in London and my wife has had over 18 relationships ranging from one night stands to three year affairs. Since she was raised in a macho culture she seems only physically attracted to dominant men. If you don’t know the type, the guys she likes are married, totally alpha and expect their wives to be completely faithful to them but have no problem having sex with a beta male’s wife, particularly the kind of sex they have with Anna*. Most English women have a big problem going down on guys, but Anna* loves sucking cocks and she always falls for the kind of guys who love to see her on her knees servicing them.

    It helps me that I have an understanding doctor who is, in her own way, a feminist who believes my marriage is an ideal model which should be embraced by more couples. She is also my wife’s doctor and friend and often goes out with her at night. I know they have gotten up to some wild things together. Every three months I am given a shot of Depo-Provera which eliminates most of my sex drive and even controls my fantasies and helps make my marriage work better. If you don’t know about this wonder drug, you should look it up. It is an effective form of chemical castration that is reversible. It is the ideal treatment for a committed cukold as it takes away, not only a man’s sexual drive, it also serves to eliminate any guilt the wife might have for denying her husband sex over the long term. It is also a hell of a lot more comfortable than wearing a chastity device. The drugs assure that I can no longer have an erection. After a few years of treatment, on the downside, I have noticed that my prick and balls have visibly shrunk. If I even attempted to put on a chastity device now it would just fall off. I don’t think they make them small enough to fit me in my current state. I also attend the surgery every Friday morning for oestrogen treatment which normally wrecks my weekend and confuses me until at least Monday. I find it impossible to go out of the house on Saturday and Sunday, but I use the time to clean and do the laundry for the week. The oestrogen does give me hot flashes which I am told are similar to what a woman has when she goes through menopause. For any man considering this it requires a lot of discipline not to put on weight. The perfect balance of oestrogen should bring about some feminine feelings without visibly swelling the breasts. My doctor has worked out the perfect weekly dose for me. Coupled with exercise and a good diet I have kept a trim figure although my breasts are sensitive and slightly larger but still small enough where I don’t have to face the embarrassment of wearing a bra.

    Anna* is quite happy that I am submissive and a bit feminised. Whilst she has an active sex life I take care of all the bills, the cleaning (including changing the cum stained sheets after her lovers leave) and cooking and buying her clothes, making sure that she has a supply of hold-up stockings and lingerie. There is some underlying resentment at my situation. It has been over three years since she has had sex with me and on a certain level I miss it. I know it’s just not in her realm of possibilities and it’s something she refuses to discuss. In fact, it is as if she doesn’t account for any sexual desire I may have and considers me sort of a neuter, if that makes sense at all. To be honest, with the regular drugs I take, I have been neutered but there are still underlying masculine urges I have. What most bothers me is that she has two large dildos on her bedside table that she uses to get herself off. Both of them are twice as large as my prick back in the days when I could get hard. It is humiliating to see them when I make the bed in the morning. I often find them scattered under the duvet and covered with her dried pussy juices.

    It’s not as if all her lovers are superbly handsome, fit and rich. One of her recent conquests, Robby*, is anything but a knock out. Granted, he is an alpha male and feels entitled to have a lover like Anna* on the side but I would consider myself to be a better looking man, although, according to Anna*, he possesses a huge cock and the ability to use it to drive her crazy. He also has that inherent confidence that I lack. In one instance he came over to our house to watch a television show and, whilst Anna* was on the sofa next to him, he took her hand and placed it over his cock and had her play with him during the entire television program while I was in the same room. After the program ended she slid down in front of him, unzipped his trousers and proceeded to suck his cock. She begged him to fuck her but he refused, although he did finally cum in her mouth. Then he got up and left without thanking her, although he did make a disparaging remark about my inability to satisfy my wife.

    The idea of sex with me just doesn’t interest her in the slightest. It is a closed subject we no longer really talk about. Since Anna* has relocated to London she has transformed herself from a sweet innocent looking blonde South African woman to a very sexily clad high heeled woman with a certain reputation. She was barred from the local pub because two men got in a fight over who would take her home, she has had irate wives threaten her and she has had lovers who have filmed her and posted the videos online. I didn’t know that she now shaves her pussy until I saw the latest video nor did I realise she has a tattoo on her ass (it’s quite pretty but I suspect it is an owner’s mark). I never suspected she was into anal sex until I saw her taken that way by one man and heard her moans of pleasure.

    What irks me most is the lack of respect some of her lovers have towards me. They act as if they are doing me a favour by fucking my wife. I have been woken up in the middle of the night to answer phone calls from men demanding they speak to my wife and even had the occasional 2:00 am knock on the door from a lover who wants a quick screw (she never turns them down). She currently has three lovers, all of them married. I am still the one that wines and dines her, as her lovers don’t want to be seen in public with Anna*, mainly because of her somewhat dubious reputation and also because they know it isn’t necessary to spend any money on her because the sex comes with no strings attached. The problem is that when I do take her out I am often not the one she goes home with. That happened again last week when I took her out for drinks and a handsome younger guy picked her up and took her home and screwed her brains out.

    There was one instance when her lover, Tim*, took her out but that was to a swing club. She claims she has no recollection of what happened and thinks she only made love to Tim* once in front of a crowd, although knowing how Anna* gets when she has had too much wine, I very much doubt that.

    Anna* was gone from a wayward wife to a full scale cuckoldress. She has all the traits now: spoiled, sulky and truculent until, of course, she has a real man’s cock in her hands. That’s when her face lights up and she knows what her role life is.

    To be honest, I haven’t seen my wife without her clothes on for over three years. The only chance I have to see her nude is in the videos and pictures her lovers take of her. She sometimes shares these with me if I buy her something nice or do something special for her.

    I know I will never be able to become her regular lover but I would like some advice as to how I could convince Anna* to consider taking me off the drugs and oestrogen treatment for at least a while. It would take months for the effect to wear off but I do miss the times when we had a physical relationship. I understand I could never be enough for her but I would be happy with a handjob now and then or even the possibility of going down on her whilst I play with myself. Right now it just seems like a hopeless cause, although I am committed to our marriage and would never consider cheating on her.

    I also would like her to be a bit more understanding of my current situation. It seems like the days after I have my oestrogen treatment she doesn’t understand what sort of emotions are running through my body or that I am having hot flashes throughout the day. She can be hyper critical and get angry about how the house is looking or the state of her wardrobe or even the meals I serve her. The only person that I can be totally honest with is my doctor but she seems to think just upping the dose of oestrogen I receive every week will cure everything. I did tell her that I secretly look at cross-dressing sites on the internet now and secretly fantasise about wearing more feminine attire.  She seems to think that is a perfectly normal and welcome development. Thankfully she has promised not to tell Anna* about that as I fear that would only make her happier and I would find a new feminine wardrobe one day when I came home from the office.

    I know Anna* is happy that I am more like a sister to her now than a husband. She does confide in me sometimes about her lovers and I do like to hear about her sexual exploits. I most long for the time she comes home after making love and lets me taste her lover’s cum, but that just doesn’t seem like it is ever going to happen. Her pussy seems to be forever off-limits to me.

    Any advice on how I can change this?

    *Names changed to protect identities

    Find out what our expert Steve recommends here

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  • Let’s Introduce Your Partner to Swinging

    Let’s Introduce Your Partner to Swinging

    So you have been thinking that you and your partner should trying swinging. Why not? It sounds like a lot of great (sexual) fun, doesn’t it? Well … there are a few things you should know before you dive right in.

    First, you need to approach your partner to see if she or he is even interested in having sex with another couple. I have suggested to many people who have contacted me for advice on this, that I feel the best way to approach the subject is while both of you are in bed. A great way to bring this up would possibly while making love, you could take the opportunity to tell your partner, “So imagine that there was someone else here with us, doing … to/with you”. Later on, you can ask them if they found the thought of someone else in your bed erotic and exciting and then you have your answer as to their interest level.

    We’re both interested… Let’s have sex!
    Not quite yet.
    Next, you need to make sure you two have talked about it in details. Finding out what limits your partner should be a priority. You should set some ground rules with your partner first to be sure you are on the same page, otherwise you could run into problems when things get down and dirty so to speak. Don’t worry; you should totally expect your rules to change and evolve as you get more comfortable in the swinging world. Just don’t force your partner or anyone else for that matter, into doing anything they don’t want to do.

    Many people, especially men, tend to want to dive right in and start having sex, lots and lots of sex. But things will turn out so much better if you take things just a little slower.

    So ground rules are set… Let’s have sex!
    Still not just yet.
    Now you have the challenge of finding other couples to play with. You can approach friends (I would not recommend that unless you are willing to lose them as friends-and possible have word get out that you two are swingers). You can go to a swingers club (good way to meet a lot of people in a shorts period of time). You can also post a profile on any one of the many swingers sites out there (takes some effort on your part to fill out your profile and reply to other members). All three of these options have their pros and cons and you have to try to figure out which method will work best for the two of you. That said, don’t feel that you are limited to one, try all three ways to meet other swingers if you want.

    So what else before we can have sex?
    Actually, that is the basics of what you need to know. If you want to learn more before jumping in, I would suggest you visit my www.SandiOnSwinging.com site and read some of the info I have posted there especially for new swingers just like you. I will also be going into more details here on this site, so keep your eyes out for my next post. Till then, enjoy yourselves … Sandi

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  • Spice up your sex life!

    Spice up your sex life!

    I was an innocent one all through high school, but shortly after when I finally entered that moment into sexual activity I was rather confused at how short lived and lacking connection it had considering I had always gathered the perception it was something adventurous while also being diversely emotional. So after that initial experience I set out on a mission to understand this new world I had entered into. That one pivotal moment opened my mind and body to experiencing new sexual adventures in hopes to better understand my body and my desires. Exploring was the only way to make that happen and on that note there will be more to come on that topic.

    Spice up your sex life with these tips

    I applaud those who are intrigued to experience all sex has to offer. However, one of the best ways to truly open your mind to finding ways to add more “spice” is to realize the importance of intimacy, whether it be in a relationship or something casual. Either way your mind will dictate you body, therefore developing a strong internal connection between the two will open you mind to exploring.

    Now, let’s add some spice! Porn! Whether you really enjoy watching it or it is something you could take or leave, porn is incredibly educational. Now keep it mind, porn is still a fantasy so take what you like from it and leave what you do not. Start watching porn, either solo or with company. It will give you a chance to discover what turns you on and what does not. Also, it gives you a visual to show your partner what you may be open to.

    I want to address another topic. I will be brief for now as we can dive in deeper another day. Threesomes, swinging and more. This is a way to add spice. However, it is not for everyone and often should be left as a fantasy never meant to be lived out. If you do though consider this idea, communicate your thoughts and desire before anything happens. Whether you’re a couple or single, guidelines are essential and often a make or break with being able to enjoy it.

    But what if my partner is not into it?

    It is all about trust and security. Sex is a very vulnerable act. Each person needs to be comfortable in themselves, but they also need to feel comfortable with the other half involved. Start with communicating your thoughts. Trying something new sexually with a hesitant partner takes patience and proper communication. However, you never know what someone is open to unless you ask. I find often people are too afraid to ask for fear of being judged. Be open, be honest, and just ask.

    Sometimes, accidents happen..

    Oh my, yes of course. One time my boyfriend at the time and myself were playing around and I was giving him a massage. He was laying on my bed, back facing up. I was straddling him. He, hating anything to do with feet, would never want anyone to come even close to touching them. So to continue, I was telling him about a segment from a radio show that involved sexual acts and feet. For whatever reason, I turned towards his feet, not touching anything, but he reacted and kicked his heel into my face. Wow that hurt! Still to this day he likes to tell people that story. Fortunately he allows me to remain nameless.

    To best describe myself beyond a single mother of two, I am a former small town girl who has always know life is a journey and to enjoy each little step along the way. In many ways I am like everyone else. I work, I raise my kids, I spend time with friends and overall I take on each challenge life throws my way the best way I know how at the time. On that note, I am also unique from the majority in that I believe in being open, honest, and direct with myself. That is most likely my strongest appeal. Everyone has a story and as I share mine to others, I enjoy even more hearing the story of others. Particularly I look forward to sharing my sexual journey as from the moment of inception it has been quite a ride (no pun intended). Read Lexi Ross‘ profile below and follow her links!

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  • Does sex feel better if his pubic hair is shaved?

    Does sex feel better if his pubic hair is shaved?

    When it comes to personal grooming of one’s pubic hair, everyone has a different take on things. There are guys who are always shaven, while there are those who do not shave at all. So how does sex feel for you when he is thrusting against your body? Does it feel better whether he is shaven or not? Adult film performer and model Selina Crowley gives her take on this.

     

    SelinaCrowley3
    Photo Credit: Selina Crowley

    I was born and raised in LA and unlike the usual “stereotypical” convictions for entering the adult industry, I didn’t do so for income or because it was a sole option for attaining a comfortable life. It was in spite of the fact that I had a stable life set up for myself. It was a venture ridden with risk and rebellion, so naturally I gravitated toward it. It wasn’t out of a need, more so it was fueled by my own personal desire.

    My “views towards sex” equate to doing whatever satisfies you regardless of the potential social ramifications therein. So long as you’re not harming another unwilling individual, sex is a vast world where possibilities are endless.

    In porn, the men are mostly shaven. Does this make sex more enjoyable for you?

    Personally, as long as the male talent is well groomed, clean and easy to work with, I seldom voice any objections.

    In your personal opinion and experience, what are the pros and cons whether a guy is shaven or not?

    Honestly, the difference between those spectrum is irrelevant. It all falls within personal preference. Between being shaven, trimmed or full with hair, it more so depends on the individuals’ hygiene and care for their own level of cleanliness. Not the preference itself.

    What tips can you give to guys to maintain their pubes to give their partners an enjoyable time during sex?

    Keep up with your personal hygiene and just do what you think looks good. Everyone has their own personal preference. The world of adult film has such a broad spectrum of likes and dislikes, legislating another with my own feels rather pompous and nigh delusional if you ask me. Keep yourself clean and well kept and you will undoubtedly be well received.

     

    I have some smaller independent shoots I’m working on just to break in and warm up, but I’m in talks with the larger adult film companies and working out a vast array of shoot dates so stay tuned! Check out the links in my profile below to follow me!

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  • Sexy Reads – How to make wild, passionate love to your man

    Sexy Reads – How to make wild, passionate love to your man

    Every woman makes love to her man with her heart, but just where do you learn how to do it with your mind and body too? Here is a chance to peep into the sexy world between your man’s ears, and lots of practical advice on what to do to drive him wild. Now you can be the most skilful lover he has ever experienced…

    Excerpt

    Men Looking at Women…

    What do men think looks sexy?

    People as different as men and women are bound to have different ideas about what looks sexy. Men are believed to take in a whole-body image of a woman when they first see her. If she is interesting, they register an image of her sexual features – legs, butt, breasts – and then add hair and face. Interestingly, men find it difficult to recall details of what she was wearing or the color of her eyes. They retain a strong opinion of her attractiveness but often cannot tell you much beyond whether she was wearing a skirt or pants. It is as if they are more interested in the effect of her presentation than the details of the presentation itself. A woman seeing the same person is much more likely to be able to recall what she was wearing, perhaps because her mind is unclouded by the question of sexual attractiveness.

    It follows that subtlety is probably wasted on men; it will be only the obvious that stays in their minds. There is not much point worrying about the color balance of the chiffon scarf you have wound about your neck to highlight your new blouse. He might remember that you had something around your neck but he will certainly recall that the cold had made your nipples stick out like thumbs.

    Women look in acid scorn at the girl at the party who has the men hanging around her like dogs at a barbecue. She is dressed just like a slut, her skirt is too short, her breasts are halfway out of her blouse, and those heels are ridiculous. But hey, she is not sitting at home on Saturday night waiting for the phone to ring. She must be doing something right.

    Men in bed dream about sex. Their minds are filled not with pictures of fashion statements but erotic images of women. Of succulent thighs, rounded hips, soft and swinging breasts, heavy feminine bottoms. And that is what they find sexy when they are awake as well.

    Don’t Men care about Personality?

    Nope. Not at first sight. An empty-headed bimbo will get as much attention as you do. Or probably more, because she survives by getting men to take care of her and she has had a lifetime of practice. But don’t be depressed; it doesn’t take much of a personality to catch a man but you will need one to keep him.

    In the meantime, you must concentrate on understanding what men find sexy, so watch the bimbos and learn. It should not be too difficult. After all, you are smarter than they are, aren’t you?

    Men are so Childish!

    Well, yes, I can see why you might say that, but you would be wrong. Let me give you two reasons. Firstly, heterosexual men make up nearly half of the population. If they all have similar reactions to women (and they do, believe me) then you cannot call the reactions childish. They are part of the fundamental male spirit.

    The second reason is that some of the very same men have painted masterpieces, created sublime music, ruled empires and written literature that endures for centuries. Nearer to home you have devoted fathers, solid carers and servers of the community, and quiet gardeners. Inside all of them, sometimes open for view and sometimes discretely hidden, is the same old Adam who would just love to reach out and caress the waitress’s bottom. It is simply the nature of the beast. You do not have to like the situation, just understand how it works.

    Oh, and if you are ever feeling superior about it, run down to the newsagents or supermarket check-out and buy a gossip magazine or a Mills & Boon novel. Who looks shallow and childish now?

    Are you a Sex Object?

    Of course you are. You are a woman, so it follows that you are a sex object. In male eyes there are no alternative positions. The only question is how successful you are at it (in his eyes). Again, you do not have to like the situation but you will have to live it.

    I hope you do not feel terrible and trapped in a world you cannot change. The best response is to quietly take control of your bit of it and even out the playing field. Perhaps it will help to think of the pig-board.

    Have you ever used a pig-board? Do you even know what one is? Well, the story goes like this. If you ever meet a pig face to face, you will see a dense mass of muscle on four legs. Probably not much over knee-high but as heavy as you are. This pork bulldozer is controlled by a surprisingly intelligent brain behind those piggy eyes. You will realize in an instant that if this pig wants to walk right through you, there will be nothing you can do to prevent it. So how are you going to control him? Negotiate? Tell him that his piggy way of looking at you is out-dated and that his worldview must change? Not a chance. Instead you use a pig-board.

    A pig-board is a rectangle of light ply or aluminium with a handhold cut into the centre of the top edge. It is wide enough to reach across the fenced races you find in stockyards and pig farms, and high enough that the pig cannot see over it. So if you want to close off a race and divert the pig into a neighbouring pen, you merely hold the pig-board in front of your trembling knees and close off the pig’s view of the open race behind you. He will then trot sweetly into the pen you have opened for him, instead of bowling you over and leaving hoof-prints over you and your little piece of ply. Magic!

    Every species of animal has blind spots and the pig-board exploits the pig’s natural instincts. You have a pretty good idea of what your man’s natural instincts are concerning women; you just have to use your knowledge to get an even break.

    Continue reading How to make Wild, Passionate love to your Man at http://www.jacquelinegeorgewriter.com/howto.html


  • When is a Transgender person ready for surgery?

    When is a Transgender person ready for surgery?

    Have a question on your mind about sex or seeking advice? Ask us on any topic and we’ll provide you with the answers from an expert. Send them in to editorial@simplysxy.com. 

    We have collected your questions on Transgender health issues, and are delighted to have Gavin Everard to answer them below.

    What are some common health issues transgender people face?

    The primary issue that trans people face is a pervasive lack of access to healthcare. Most doctors think that our care is not their job, and that we should be under the care of some specialist that our insurance will not pay for, like an endocrinologist. Imagine having asthma and going to a doctor, and the doctor saying “I am happy to be your doctor, except that I don’t treat asthma. You will have to go to someone else for that”. This is the situation most trans people are in, except that there is often no other doctor to go to. We need help with chronic pain, mental health struggles, and all of the other common health problems in the US, only from doctors who are completely ignorant of our needs as patients, and who don’t really want to be our doctors in the first place.

    When does the doctor determine that one is ready for surgery?

    The gatekeeping system in the US for determining who gets access to surgery and hormones is deeply problematic. A transgender or gender non-conforming patient needs letters from therapists or other doctors to prove that we are “really” trans, and often a requirement that we have “lived in our desired gender role” for 6-12 months prior to receiving care. This basically means that people have to try to pass as their felt sex/gender with no access to hormones or surgery in a world where they will be faced with extreme violence for failing to pass. The system treats trans people as mentally ill children who cannot really make our own choices about our healthcare, and is insulting and paternalistic. Luckily, a lot of this is up to the discretion of the doctor, and many providers allow trans patients to access hormones or surgery on an informed-consent basis, at the pace that the patient desires. This is key because many trans patients have been living with serious dysphoria (the feeling that something is wrong with the body) for years, and need intervention as soon as possible. The American Medical Association recognizes gender dysphoria as a serious and real life-threatening medical condition, and blocking access to treatment can be tantamount, in my opinion, to torture.

    trans_sq_2

    What are the health concerns when one is transitioning to male? And female?

    The health concerns associated with hormonal transition are primarily those associated with being hormonally estrogen or testosterone-dominant, ie. increased risk for breast cancer with estrogen and increased cardiovascular disease risk with testosterone. Some studies suggest that there is increased risk for elevated serum cholesterol with both estrogen and testosterone therapy as well. Surgeries carry their own risk factors, mostly due to the possibility of infection. Surgeons in the US generally do a great job, but because insurance companies largely do not cover these procedures and consider them “elective” despite AMA standards that say otherwise, many patients choose to travel abroad to have procedures done more cheaply. Many surgeons in Thailand and other countries are also very skilled, but the medical industries are not always regulated as well abroad as in the US, so there can be more risk associated with accessing services in this way.

    How can partners of trans people be respectful and supportive during sex?

    It’s all well and good to support us by defending us in conversation, but we also need more intimate solidarity; we need you to fuck us. Luckily, the way to have hot sex with a trans person is pretty similar to the way to have hot sex with anyone: good communication and consent. As us how we want to refer to our body parts. Tell us what you like, and ask us what we like. Ask us what helps us feel comfortable and safe, and tell us what helps you feel comfortable and safe. A good rule of thumb for any sexual interaction is, if you can’t talk about it first, you should not be doing it. Flip this, and you have a mandate to go through the sexy process of laying out what you both want to have happen, getting all hot and bothered about it, and then doing it. Remember, trans people are just people, and we want to feel loved and desired, and to make you feel loved and desired in return.

    Gavin Everard is an acupuncturist who works with primarily queer and trans clients on chronic pain, urogenital issues and trauma healing. Gavin also trains healthcare providers on how to give trans-competent care.

    Images courtesy of Gavin Everard
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  • Is sex without a condom more enjoyable?

    Is sex without a condom more enjoyable?

    Hello readers, I’m Leanna Monroe, a transgender female that works in the adult porn industry. I’m 28 years old and from a small village called Woodsfield Ohio. I started working in the porn industry in June 2014. Since then I have finally loved my job!

    My views on sex are probably a lot different than most of the “so called normal society”. I believe you can be in a committed relationship, and still have sex with others. When I am on set, sex is my job and has absolutely no feelings behind it.  Whereas sex with my fiance is completely different, we actually make love. Having sex with others also allows you to explore your sexuality as well as things your life partner may not be into. Just cause someone has sex with someone else while in a relationship, doesn’t mean they don’t love that person, it just means they have sexual desires that needs fulfilled. Sex is art! All art is beautiful regardless who it is with!

    Photo credit: Leanna Monroe
    Photo credit: Leanna Monroe

    Safe sex is extremely important these days with all of the STD’s that are out there. But at the same time I must agree with the men on this! Sex is much more enjoyable without a condom!  For myself, if I have sex outside of the porn industry I always use condoms! Condoms take the amazing feeling away! You don’t get the full sensation as you would without! Plus me, personally would rather have sex without a condom!  Not only does it feel better but the actual penetration feel of a rock hard cock pounding me feels amazing!

    I also freaking love cum! I love the feeling of a hot dude busting a load deep in me and feeling it drip out of my tight little ass, or blowing it all over my face! To say the least, I love cum!!! Which is why I completely enjoy working in the porn industry, cause everyone I work with has the lab work showing they’re clean! So I get good wild sex and lots of cum! So if you know you are and your sex parnter is 100% clean, enjoy some sex without the condoms, if not always practice SAFE sex!

    When enjoying sex while your partner/partners uses a condom, first find the condoms that doesn’t kill most of the realistic feeling! If you have to, buy a few different kinds and see what you like best! You also know what you like and where the special spots are. I love toys!  So regardless of the toy I use I know my spots!  So if you have sex with a guy, take control get on top and ride that cock like it is yours and hit that G spot!

    I know for myself that I can ride a cock and have multiple anal orgasms with or without a condom! Learn your body and figure out what you like! Never be scared to tell a man what to do!  Most men actually get more turned on when you tell them how to fuck you! When they are hitting that spot let them know! If you are willing to get naked in front of the guy, then be willing to tell him what you do and don’t like! Trust me, sex with or without a condom can be extremely enjoyable!  If you prefer not to use a condom, make your partner get tested. It’s not rude to be safe!

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  • Hot foreplay moves that Guys love and fantasize about

    Hot foreplay moves that Guys love and fantasize about

    Honestly, it all depends on what you consider “foreplay.” I would consider it to be the various things people do to prepare each other for physical intimacy. Some women like to start with a strip-tease, some guys might like to ease into it by giving their partner a massage, and for some couples, it might involve something a little more elaborate.

    However, I think my definition of foreplay isn’t all that popular. The word “foreplay” is commonly used as a catch-all for anything that happens before the moment when a penis enters a vagina, but I don’t think that’s really fair. It pre-supposes that the only “real sex” is sex that happens when a penis is inside a vagina, and everything else is “just foreplay.” “Sex” isn’t just one very specific activity—well, at least good sex isn’t. We all know it’s a lot more than that.

    Good sex can include a multitude of various activities: cunnilingus, fellatio, fingering, mutual masturbation, anal play, kissing, massage, breast worship, etc. And those activities don’t always happen before intercourse. Haven’t you ever stopped to change positions from, say, doggystyle to missionary, and upon glimpsing a flash of pussy, decided that instead you’d like to go down for a bit? Let’s stop thinking of sex as something formulaic and instead appreciate the spontaneous nature of it.

    That being said, there are reasons that people often do “other things” before the initial penetration. Intercourse just works better if a guy’s dick is rock hard and a girl’s pussy is nice and wet. Personally, I find subtle physical flirtation a huge turn-on. If the conversation’s going well and someone can find a little excuse to touch me—nothing major, just something small and subtle—I find that a huge turn-on, and if it’s done right by someone from whom I welcome the attention, I’ll feel myself getting wet even before I’ve dropped my panties. And what’s even better is that it makes it difficult for me to resist the urge to touch them back, and since I’m already turned on, I’ll be a bit more…assertive. For example, I find it super hot to move from subtle, flirtatious touching to some light, playful kisses, and then to a deep kiss with my body pressed up against his so that I can feel his bulge against me. I like to slip my hand down outside of his pants to feel if he’s hard, and if he’s not, I like to feel his dick begin to get hard as I stroke it through his pants. Just feeling his cock grow for me gets me going, and at that point, if the gentleman is holding back, I might just throw him down and jump on. HOT.   And let me remind you that, at this point, we still have our clothes on.

    After that, I really love undressing a guy. I find it really sensual to take a man’s clothes off. Maybe it’s a power thing: I love when a man relinquishes that power to me and lets me be the one to unwrap him.   And don’t forget that we all love flattery. People are at their most vulnerable when they’re naked, and we all want our partners to appreciate and enjoy our bodies as the beautiful tools of pleasure that they are. So this is a great time to compliment the matching bra and panties I might be wearing! And ladies, the same goes for your guy. Guys love compliments just as much as we do.

    Some people love the art of tease. I appreciate it myself, though sometimes I find it really, really hard to hold back. But if you can manage it, you’re likely to have a really mind-blowing orgasm once you finally let go. So, if that’s the route you want to go, try a little massage. And maybe not in the traditional sense—get creative. Climb on top of your guy and massage his shoulders and arms from the front, ever-so-slightly grinding against his cock, but don’t let him touch you.  Watch his face. If he seems like he’s really, really enjoying it, like he’s dying to put his cock inside you, well, try backing off a bit—if you can bear it! Take one of his hands and glide his fingers between your thighs, letting him feel how hot and wet you are for him. If neither of you is quite “there” yet, well, everyone loves oral, and I’ve found that it’s a surefire way to get each other physically “ready” for penetration.

    But don’t get stuck in a rut—do what feels right, of course, but remember that it’s OK to switch things up. Suck his cock for a bit and then put him inside you. If you can muster the self-discipline, go back to sucking it after a bit, or perhaps try 69 for a while. Or, if your guy’s into ass play, this might be a good opportunity to grab the lube and give him a prostate massage (but watch out—this tends to make men come really quickly!). When he’s coming close to orgasm, ask him to do something for you suck your nipples, perhaps, while you stroke his cock. At some point, neither of you will be able to hold on any longer—just remember, there’s no “right” order to enjoy the things you and your partner enjoy, and there isn’t one “right” way to have sex. With some creativity and communication with your partner, there are infinite roads to Orgasm Town. 😉

    I’m Annie, and I’m an professional companion and escort in New Orleans. I’m also a writer, an artist, a Dr. Who fan, a seafood lover, and a friend to big, goofy dogs everywhere. I maintain a blog on my website, NOLAcourtesan.com. Check out my profile below and more of my links!

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  • Are we all a little furry?

    Are we all a little furry?

    Originally this post should have been just a quick and dirty news. Taboo, the National geographic show about unusual cultures, announced an episode about extreme furries – and about one Pennsylvanian guy known as ‘Boomer’ in particular. This joyous fellow says he feels a special affinity with dogs, that he feels much happier when he behaves like one, thus he spends as much time as possible in the shoes… er… paws of a humanlike bobtail who barks, plays at catching sticks and eats from a bowl.

    The idea was to show you the trailer of his interview, crack a couple of jokes about the sexuality of furverts, explain the psychology of other full-time “animalists” like some ponygirls and move on, as I thought this phenomenon was too marginal even for my standards. While I was at it, however, I checked out the latest news from the world of plushies fetishists… and I got really surprised.

    This year Anthrocon, the largest convention for furries (that is, anthropomorphized animals) in the world, had over 5,500 attendees – thirteen hundreds of whom proudly paraded in costume on the streets of Pittsburgh. Such figures are way too high to dismiss them without further study, so I read most of the WikiFur – the furries’ Wikipedia, of course – and following one link I ended up at Furries: an inside look. (Find out how to make a documentary https://www.jenreviews.com/how-to-make-a-documentary/)

    This nice documentary was shot during another specialized convention, and it contains several interviews with simple enthusiasts and business operators. Their description of the furry world is much less perverse than you could imagine. The Anthrocon organizer even has fun answering a question about sex: «every environment has its creeps » he laughs «but even if we tolerate them we keep them at bay, because the community really just wants to have some innocent fun».

    Right. Still, it looks like the simplest Google search turns up an impressive quantity of embarrassing smut – yet according to the enthusiasts the reason for which thousands of people dressed in fursuits meet at these events has nothing to do with sex. «Well, of course we have a sexuality» says an interviewee «but doesn’t everybody have one?»

    A great answer. The amount of furry porn available online makes me suspect of some hypocrisy, but I accepted it at face value. Until the umpteenth interview in which they repeated that the appeal of furry fandom is in its nice people, who don’t discriminate those who don’t fit the norm and even support each other. Suddenly I remembered where I heard those statements before. «I feel they are my real family» says one; «I am much more myself when I interact on our specialized websites than in my daily life» confesses another; «There is more creativity at this convention than I normally see in one whole year anywhere else» gloats another yet. And every piece falls in its place, completing a puzzle that had been bothering me for years.

    I heard those very phrases among comicbooks enthusiasts. And role playing gamers. But also among fetishists, and in the BDSM scene and in many erotic subcultures. After all I had just read about this in Playing on the edge: many people don’t really enter BDSM communities to follow an overwhelming sexual instinct… but because they are welcoming, tolerant environments offering more intellectual stimuli than other social circles. In a sense, sex for them is just a pleasant side effect.

    But if this is how things are, this finally explains all the problems of the culture of extreme eroticism! Can it be that there are few furries who actually fuck in their costumes for the same reason for which the BDSMers who attend actual play parties are a minority, or for which fetish is trendy but specialized shops close for lack of customers? May it be so simple? The same type of slightly introverted person who as a teen seek refuge in the conflict-less world of comics and role games get older, and as an adult keeps looking for hypertolerant communities that will effortlessly accept him. Like erotic subcultures, indeed.

    One of the most chilling phrases I’ve ever heard was from a famous sexologist, during a conference about paraphilias. «Most pedophiles isn’t really attracted to minors» he explained. «Fact is, they are scared by adults». Or, in other words: those with serious socialization issues express their libido directing it where they find less resistance. The unluckiest ones can end up unleashing it in criminal ways; those who are more informed and know about environments that are welcoming of diversity become part of them instead – not out of a really deep interest, but to feel accepted without having to offer much for it. In the long run they will absorb the culture of the group, but they will always be palpably different from the most serious members.

    Alternative sexualities fascinate everyone. They are based on powerful archetypes like domination, transformation, androgyny, asceticism… of course it is easy to feel attracted by them. There is however a huge difference between being driven by a sincere passion (or even just by a healthy curiosity) and by a hypocrite “going for the lesser harm” because you don’t feel up to the normative sexuality and affectivity.

    I have been maintaining for years that BDSM is the natural cure to pathological sadomasochism. Many people approach it out of frustration mixed with uncontrolled domination or submission instincts that generate excessive fantasies, that would be dangerous if they were actually realized. Then they encounter the complex and serene culture of extreme eroticism, they discover ways of channeling their impulses into non-destructive behaviours, they learn to accept themselves and the others, to integrate sensuality in their daily lives… and they are transformed by it. After a while, ferocious “masters” and self-abusive “slaves” find the balance they needed and they finally live sex for what it should always be:  a carefree game. Their actions remain intense, but they become less neurotic; the need to show off diminishes; their presence in the public scene gets sparser. It is not like they get old: they grow up.
    The problem of course is to get there. I talked about the BDSM scene because it is the one I more thoroughly know, but also because it is founded on such dynamics (of communication, self-analysis, practices…) that even involuntarily lead to the kind of course I just described. I ask myself however how complicated can this evolution be in other “transgressive” contexts like the furries’ one, or of some fetishes, or even of extreme sports, where libido is sublimated into abstract forms. How terribly exhausting must be going from «I hide behind a plushy to be accepted and I masturbate in secret on the Disney version of porn because it is less risky than having a honest sex life» to «experimenting with other identities is fun from time to time, but I learned to live happily in my own skin»? Incredibly so, I suppose – especially if your starting point is the (self) delusion to be there for an altogether different reason.

    Another thing the BDSM culture taught me is the importance of always calling yourself into question. Before publishing this post I asked the opinion of a couple of psychologists and sexologists and they confirmed my theory to be generally correct, even if it is impossible to support with precise scientific data since none exist.

    My other doubt is, sadly, how much of Boomer is there in anyone of us, not only in our approach to sex, but towards life in general. I wonder whether a bit of education about unusual sexualities can be the ideal therapy indeed…

    This article has been republished with permission from Ayzad

    Please visit Ayzad’s website  to view the original post and more of Ayzad’s works.

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  • Do you love sex as much as Lady Regina?

    Do you love sex as much as Lady Regina?

    I’m originally from El Salvador, in Central America. Now, I’m living in chilly Alberta, Canada. I’ve been living here almost all my life but still keep in touch with my roots because I think the Latin culture is beautiful and I’m extremely proud to be Latina. We’re known for our hot bodies, bodacious booties and fiery personalities and I completely embody that image and am very happy to do so. I didn’t know about panty selling until a few months ago and once I heard it’s a thing, I immediately looked into it and wanted to know how to get into it. It wasn’t so much the money that appealed to me. It was more the secrecy of it and the thrill as well as showing off my body, it’s kind of cheesy and cliche but it’s true (hehe). The money is definitely a bonus though. I sometimes still can’t believe people are willing to pay for dirty panties that I’d probably just throw out anyway! I do like the idea that someone is enjoying them after I’ve worn them and getting pleasure from them. I’ve been enjoying it so far and am in it for the long haul now.

    How much and what do you love about sex?

    Sex. Oh my, I really enjoy it. I lost my virginity at quite an early age (although it seems like it would be late by today’s standards!) because I was so curious about it since the first time I tried to watch a movie of mine on VHS and it turned out to be a porno my brother recorded over my movie (how rude!). Ever since, I was hooked. Luckily, I was in a steady relationship and could get it any time I wanted. That relationship lasted quite a while but once it ended, I didn’t waste time getting it elsewhere. I’m now in another relationship with a guy that I can’t get enough of, and who often calls me insatiable because I want it so often. What I love most about sex is the power it gives us females over males. I can get it whenever and wherever I want and that’s empowering and puts me in control. I love the feeling, the intimacy, the thrill of certain kinds of sex and I of course, love the orgasm that comes with it.

    1

    What type of sex do you prefer?

    I prefer all kinds of sex. I like it anywhere, anytime. It is better when it’s spontaneous and it happens in the heat of the moment. I’ve had sex in many public places (parks, school, washrooms, swimming pools, parking lots…) and during several activities (sporting events, weddings, while my mother was upstairs and I was fucking my guy who had snuck into my room for a quickie) and the spontaneity is what makes it memorable. I must say though, I am a sucker for plain old missionary sex on my bed. I’m pretty much down for anything that involves me getting laid.

    2

    What is it about your chosen type of sex that you like best?

    I just love the feeling of sex. Some girls will say they prefer their dildos but I’m not that kind. I like the feel of a man’s body on top of me, being able to feel his chest and running my fingers through his hair or scratching his back. I like the passion of the sex I have and the switch from hard and fast to slow and passionate. I like the feeling of a man inside me and being able to feel every inch of him going in and out of me. I especially like it when he dominates me and makes me his. I like the man to be in control.

    Follow Lady Regina at

    Website: www.pantytrust.com/lady-regina

    Twitter: https://twitter.com/ladyregina15

    Mail: Ladyregina15@hotmail.com

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