Tag: Sex

When can I have sex again after giving birth?

Have a question on your mind about sex or seeking advice? Ask us on any topic and we’ll provide you with the answers from an expert. Send them in to editorial@simplysxy.com.

For today’s questions, we’re delighted to have sex educator Darleen Proud share her answer below.

Is the decrease in frequency of sex between couples with newborns or young children normal and how can they bring increase it to what it was before?

Many couples do experience a decline in their sexual activity after the arrival of a baby. There are many reasons why this happens.

From a female’s perspective, new mums are often really tired. Their sleep patterns are completely thrown out, they are up several times during the night feeding and settling bub. Lack of sleep leads to a lack of energy and this often leads to a drop in self-esteem, we forget who we were before the baby arrived and we are just mum, wife, housekeeper, shopper and cook.

Our sexy self fades into the background and those desires are just not there anymore.

For the guys… some are very understanding and know that their beautiful partner is just dog tired. Some guys may be worried about going back ‘down there’, especially if they were in the delivery room and witnessed what happens to us during delivery!

Doctors usually recommend at least 6 weeks with no sex. This is the time it takes for the pubic and reproductive areas to repair enough for intercourse. This is assuming it was a relatively regular delivery. If there were stitches required, it may be a little longer. For ladies who delivered via C-section, it is more about the body repairing the abdominal muscles and fighting off infection when she is under duress with her new sleep patterns (or should I say lack of any real sleep?).

So what can couples do to try and get back to ‘normal’?

Firstly, talk about how you both feel. Do not accuse your partner of anything, use ‘I feel…’ to start your sentences.

Second, there is no going back to where you were, life after children will always be different, so trying to achieve a status quo with a new human in the mix is unrealistic. You have to aim for a different sex life that takes your new addition into account.

I highly recommend the occasional weekend away once breast feeding has finished. Plan a trip, have something to look forward to, it gives you purpose and focus.

It may mean that sex is less frequent until those weekends come around, however this is why you need to talk, work out a schedule when you are both up to it, but also be prepared to change things at the last minute.

Making time for each other is crucial to maintaining intimacy, it does not always have to be sex either, a good naked snuggle may be enough to keep the embers burning until you have a little time and energy.

Perhaps you may have to try morning sex instead of bedtime sex? When is the new mum most energetic? Grab that moment and go for it!

Visit Darleen’s profile below and all the links to her website http://darleenproud.com/.

Her course for Guys who want to have sex more often…

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https://www.udemy.com/bedroom-skills-for-guys-become-a-legend-with-the-ladies/?couponCode=DPSS15

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October 16, 2015
Are we all just a bunch of dicks?

Now I used to use two “social networking” apps, Grindr and Scruff, more out of habit and also still a vague belief that I may actually meet someone half decent after all I am on there and I am half decent.

Now as someone who has a wealth of experience of working in sexual health promotion, HIV prevention and also general emotional support roles for gay and bisexual men, I am no prude. Why I am saying this, well, it’s the context of what I am about to say! I can tell you some of my experiences that would make men think twice.

Now it’s enough that many profiles are faceless, body shots or some other random picture other than your face. Now I appreciate that being a gay is still an issue for some guys and there is plenty of support out there if you want it! (Another blog about the “closets” issue another time) However, why when one (I) asks for a face picture, am I greeted with a pic of their dick or cock or arse as an opener than just a Hi! Would I go around a bar with my face covered, poke someone in the back, get my dick out and wave it about really thinking that I will get laid that way? I think not, even in saunas you can see a bloke’s face, whole body and not just his cock or arse! The whole point of having a profile and info there is to give a sense of what and who you are, yes, even if it is just a one off encounter. I really have to wonder just how many gay men have sexual addiction problems and many agencies just aren’t going there and if anything colluding with the behaviour with sometimes very PRO sex, sexual health campaigns!

Now I am not subscribing to the Mary Whitehouse school of sexual repressions. I like and enjoy sex as much as the next man and have had a reasonable amount of sexual partners in the past, even if it has been almost 14 months since I last had sex. I just feel that we (as a gay male community) really don’t make the effort any more in pursuing sex. We just expect to message someone, turn up at a random strangers house and have sex! Even without seeing who they are first! I have lost count of the amount of men who have expected that of me lol! Even though I was accused of being a bare backing crystal meth head because of some of my pics, despite them being about 5% of my pics, all the other ones of my face, my body and one of my cock. Which brings me back to the pics issue, why do we need to see 10, 15 or 20 pics of it! One is enough surely, when I have sex with a man, it’s not just his cock and arse that I am interested in, but his face as well his body etc!

Surely putting in a bit of effort is part of the fun of the pursuit? Having a few more face pics, details in your profile about you etc. Not just about what you “demand” in a sexual partner or what you’re looking for, how about what you have to offer as well. Nothing worse than the narcissistic bloke who thinks he’s so amazing that we ought to be lining up for him. Surely sexual interaction is a two way street, or if you’re wanting more, then dating is a two way process!

Or are we just a bunch of dicks really now! Just our cocks or arses and nothing more or less?

I feel we are more than that and worth more than that!

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October 15, 2015
Are You Getting The Sex You Need? (Which isn’t always the sex you want…!)

I’m a sex coach. There – I came out! It’s a weird title to have ‘Sex Coach’ because it conjures images of someone standing over you whilst you’re shagging and screaming ‘Yes! Great penetration! Keep at it!’ But a sex coach is simply a therapist who specialises in helping people to get the best out of their sex lives. I also happen to be a sexworker with twenty years experience under my belt. As with all careers mine has evolved and in the context of the job it is becoming more ‘hands off’ and more instructional, supportive and therapeutic.

It’s an exciting place to be and I would love to share this with you.

Over the course of my career I have helped men and women to get in touch with the real them, who they really are and what they really want from their sex lives. When I worked as a professional escort I of course attended hotels and client’s homes to offer what is called an ‘out call’ in ‘The Business’. These were also exciting times for different reasons, sneaking past hotel reception, identifying where the lifts are and being as inconspicuous as possible. Then there is the knock on the hotel room door – who will be on the other side of it? What will he/she want? How can I help him or her?

There is little difference between that and the unknowing of the therapeutic relationship and I will tell you why:

Some years ago I attended a party where the attendees were all sexworkers. The main topic of conversation was what happens ‘when the real session starts’.

In the business, ‘the real session’ happens after the sex. This is well known within the industry. The real session is when the client tells you why they have really booked to see you – they may be lonely, they might be in a sex-less marriage or they might have lost all their sexual confidence.

Reminding you of anything?

The therapeutic relationship. I’ve been a (very loud!) advocate for sex worker’s rights and the sex worker’s valid and valuable role in society as sexual educators and informal therapists. It goes with the job.

In ‘the real session’ the client becomes open, vulnerable (this often happens to us all after climax, it’s a biological and psycho-sexual response to orgasm) and very, very honest. It is at this point that the client moves from what they want(ed) to what they need. This process is both fascinating and saddening all at the same time.

Why the fuck are we all running around grabbing at what we want when all the time what we really need is bubbling underneath the surface? Why have we just spent four hundred quid on being spanked for an hour when all we really needed was a hug? My hugs are free people, roll up…

Notice the next time you have sex (or have a wank/a rumble in the jungle) how you feel before you climax and how you feel afterwards. A little therapeutic trick/identifier for this could be as simple as asking yourself ‘On a scale of one to ten, how relaxed am I?’ and then asking the same question afterwards.

Now do you want to take this to the next level?

‘On a scale of one to ten, how lonely am I?’

I bet you your bottom dollar that you find yourself feeling lonelier afterwards. Why is this? Because we often misinterpret sex for emotion. Now do not misunderstand me – sex is emotion and emotion is sex – but only if you are aware of this and/or you have a regular partner to make love to.

I have said this before and I shall continue to shout this from the rooftops – you can make love on a one night stand.

But….

In order to do this – you need to recognise what you need, rather than what you want.

The tips above will help you to take just one step towards achieving this. I am keeping this as short as possible to keep your attention. I’ll be back, with more help, advice – and love.

Here’s to what you need….

Feel free to get in touch, I’m at: www.sexcoaching.london.

BIG Hug!

Matt-at-Lotus xx

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October 11, 2015
Help! My Boyfriend keeps Groping me!
Here’s a question that showed up in my in box that I think will resonate with many of you:

I have been dating my boyfriend for six months. I like him a lot. He likes to touch my breasts a lot, including when we’re not having sex or during foreplay — just casually, because he enjoys it — he says he just really likes my breasts. Some of the time I’m OK with it, but a lot of the time it feels distracting, like he’s sexualizing neutral situations or invading my space. He even did it one time when I was upset about something and he’d been comforting me. I have told him it makes me feel kind of manhandled and objectified, and I called him out particularly sharply during that incident in which I was upset. He has seemed apologetic but hasn’t quite stopped with the casual breast-touching. I don’t know quite where and how to draw a line with him. I feel kind of ambivalent about it — on one hand, I guess I could just change my attitude about it and go with the flow, but on the other hand, it often annoys me. Am I just interpreting it the wrong way? Should I insist on a no-breast-touching-except-for-sex policy, or ask him to ask me each time he wants to do it, or perhaps declare a temporary moratorium? What would you think might make sense and actually work? I want to communicate clearly, have him understand what this is like for me, and maintain our closeness and trust while coming to some sort of middle ground that makes us both feel good. I’ve taken to attempting ersatz retaliation by squeezing his crotch or nipple occasionally in protest (lightly), which gets the message across but doesn’t make me feel too good about myself, and mostly just makes him laugh. He’s really a good guy and in general works to be a GGG partner for me, I just think he doesn’t get what this is like for me.

I think there are a few different ways you could approach this, depending on what feels most comfortable to you. The first thing, though, is that I don’t think you need to try to change your attitude about it and just “go with the flow.” Your discomfort is valid and you get to have whatever boundaries you want for how and when he touches you.

While it might seem like ersatz retaliation would work, I’m not surprised that it didn’t. Given that men don’t generally experience the same level of unwanted touch, sexual attention, or sexual intrusion that women face, he’s not likely to feel the same way when you do it. So that makes it not really effective for getting your point across.

One of the challenges in dealing with this kind of thing is that it’s easy to slip into the trap of trying to figure out why he does this as a way of strategizing how to respond. The difficulty is that doing that can actually make it harder for you to set your boundaries. While his motivations are a part of this puzzle, they don’t have to keep you from maintaining your bodily autonomy. They’re something for him to figure out so he can change his behaviors, and no matter what they are, you get to have your limits.

So here’s a framework for you to tell him what you need in a way that might be easier for him to hear:

1) Name the behavior. Start with something like, “When you touch my breasts during non-sexual interactions without asking…” Focusing on the action frames the next part and keeps attention on what he’s doing, rather than why.

2) Describe what meaning you associate with it. Some possibilities might be:
- It seems like you’re sexualizing me when I’m not feeling sexual.
- It seems like you don’t care about my boundaries.
- It looks like you’re not interested in whether I want you to do it or not.
The goal in this part is to talk about what his actions mean to you. We’ll get to how they feel in the next part, so try to keep this piece about what you think they mean.

3) Now, you’re ready to talk about how it makes you feel:
- Because of that, I feel really invaded.
- That makes me feel angry about it.
- I feel upset about it.
The reason this works is that when you explain what you think something means, it becomes much easier for him to understand how you feel. It’s also a lot less likely that he’ll get defensive about this, which will help him absorb what you’re saying. (This is based on the book Taking the War Out of Our Words, which I highly recommend.) Of course, you need to tailor this to your specific situation, but the general format is what happened, what it means to you, and how you feel about it. Put it all together, and you might say:
At this point, I’m guessing that he’ll have a response, and the two of you can talk about it. My hope is that he’ll apologize, and there are some important steps to that process, too. It’s essential that he really try to understand how you feel and commit to changing his behavior as part of that. So then, the question becomes: what changes do you want to ask for?

I think it’s totally fair for you to tell him that you want him to ask you about touching your breasts in non-sexual situations. If he has to stop and use his words, it’ll give him an opportunity to explore what he’s doing and why. It will also demonstrate to you that he values your autonomy and that he understands where your boundaries are. When it comes to things like this, I think that the way to find the middle ground is for him to learn how to invite sexual energy into the situation (here’s my favorite way to do that) rather than assuming it’s ok.

One thing- you might also want to consider how you’ll deal with his learning curves around this. Whatever it is that’s prompting him, he’s probably developed some habitual patterns, and those might take some time for him to successfully change. You could, for example, simply take his hand off of your breast. Or you could take his hand away and tell him, “This is that thing we talked about.” If he’s genuinely trying to modify what he does, that will likely be enough. If he gets pushy or insistent, or if he doesn’t seem to be trying to change, that’s another conversation you’ll need to have with him.

I hope that helps!

This article has been republished with permission from Charlie Glickman. Visit his webpage to read more of his pieces here.

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October 10, 2015
5 toys to make Sex more Exciting – With your Partner!

Are you and your partner losing intimacy in the bedroom? And these sex tips aren’t ‘spicing things up’? Well, here’s a suggestion: introduce your real man to your battery operated boyfriend! What have you been waiting for?! With an array of sex toys and products out there vibrators, dildos, sleeves, and more have come a long way since the days of Dr. Granville’s crank operated “electro-mechanical vibrator” back in 1883. Now, twenty-first century gals have taken things into their own hands and beyond, but maybe it’s time we pass the torch, or at least share it, with our partners. Whether you’ve explored the galaxy of women’s sexuality alone, or with partners, we have five sex products, tools and toys ahead to send you both into cosmic orgasm together.

We-Vibe Touch

For those who don’t have a boudoir packed with XXX toys already, the We-Vibe Touch is the perfect new sex toy to bring into the bedroom with your partner. This thick slick silicone toy radiates vibrations, leaving no sensitive part untouched. The center’s shallow ice cream scoop slides perfectly along your clit, and you or your partner can up the ante by controlling the settings to bring you both to star-bursting nirvana. Use alone, for foreplay, or slide inside and try it together for pleasure all around.

Lelo: Ida

A new toy from Lelo’s much loved sex tools, the Ida is designed for perfect partnered foreplay and then some, with a g-spot targeting arm and vibrating pad. Think of it as a mechanical finger stroking inside of you with enough room to accommodate your partner’s shaft and share the fun, while the pulsating base covers your clit and entire pubic mound for even more fun. To make things even better, Ida comes with a remote so, your partner can take the reins and leave you begging for more or shivering with ecstasy.

Zini Deux

Like yin & yang, this sex tool splits into equal opposites, a convex vibrator to target your clit and a concave one to hold his testicles. Ergonomically designed to comfortably fit your hand while operating the intensity controlling side buttons, the Zini Deux can be moved anywhere along your man’s member while he returns the favor. Whoever said sharing’s no fun?

Je Joue Mimi

Don’t let it’s subtle power and simple approachable design fool you, the Je Joue Mimi will revolutionize your shared sex, or solo experience. Versatile with a rounded shape for external stimulation on anyone’s body, you can hold it between you and your partner or in the palm of your hand. Get creative.

Jimmyjane Form Two

Couples love it! And why wouldn’t they with its simple and dare I say cute design? Small, manageable and easy to grasp thanks to smooth silicone, the Jimmyjane Form Two fits perfectly on your clit while having sex so, there’s no awkward bulk between you and your partner. Enjoy the adjustable settings and go as fast or slow as you please. Warning men report giving their ladies next level orgasms with this baby in hand.

Images courtesy of Adult Force One

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October 5, 2015
Tips for a couple with disabilities to enjoy sex

Have a question on your mind about sex or seeking advice? Ask us on any topic and we’ll provide you with the answers from an expert. Send them in to editorial@simplysxy.com. For today’s question, we touch on a topic related to sex and disability from you and we’re delighted to have sex educator Rebecca Dewar share her answer below.

Effective communication is an important factor between persons to enjoy sexual activity. Effective communication is learned through sexual experiences as well as it is a part of sexual confidence. I suggest for a person with a disability to talk about their disability with their partner regarding sexual activity; to do such, it means being vulnerable by taking the risk to discuss personal conditions with someone. Discussing a person’s disability is a way of opening up and establishing a line of effective communication between partners. In addition, effective communication may involve talking with each other during sexual activity of the likes, dislikes, what feels good, and what does not feel good. Also, informing each other of the pressure of touch (hard\soft) and\or thrusting motion (fast\slow) of sexual intercourse are aspects of effectively communicating with one another.

To enjoy sexual activity, another important factor to discuss is bodily positioning. Sexual activity can occur in a wheelchair. Some wheelchairs (usually motorized power wheelchairs) can recline backwards making the missionary style of sexual intercourse possible if the partnership is between someone in a power motorized wheelchair and an able bodied person. It can be a comfortable position for the person in the wheelchair because their back remains flat against the wheelchair backing keeping their back in a spinal neutral position. It may also be a comfortable position for the person in the power motorized wheelchair to receive oral sex from an able bodied person. For people who use power motorized wheelchairs, it is easier to be in bed to give their able bodied partner oral sex because the bed is less confining than the wheelchair allowing for a variety of bodily positioning. For people who use manual wheelchairs (wheelchairs moved by arm\upper body strength to the hands on the wheels) can do a version of missionary style positioning for sexual intercourse; by that I mean, the positioning consists of the person in the manual wheelchair sitting up with an able bodied person sitting on their lap face-to-face allowing for the front of the bodies (genitals) to touch each other. People who use manual wheelchairs can also give and receive oral sex.

An able bodied person can lay their back against a high flat surface such as a table or pool table or possibly sit on a countertop or bar stool type of chair to allow the person in the manual wheelchair to have mouth ease of access to their partner’s genitals. Often, a person in a manual wheelchair can transfer out of their wheelchair to a couch, bed, or recliner (La-Z-Boy type chair, etc. to receive oral sex from their able bodied partner. In bed, it can be more comfortable for the person with the disability to lay their back against a wedge for sexual activity. Also, when in bed, a pillow under the pelvic area of the body of the person with a disability can be more comfortable for sexual intercourse in relation to the pushing and thrusting motion since the pillow helps take the brunt of the movement off the lower spine. In bed, the spooning position is another comfortable way for persons with disabilities to have sexual intercourse from rear or front entry depending on the way people are laying. A variety of positions for people with disabilities exist to try to enjoy sexual activity.

Sexual enjoyment for people with disabilities often takes creativity. Creativity can be anything! For example, it is possible to use handcuffs to assist in holding a person’s limbs if the person has paralysis as a result of a disability. However, it is also significant to mention, ‘outercourse’ activities can be just as enjoyable as activities of intercourse. Outercourse activities are sensual; by that I mean, outercourse activities are arousing involving the senses (sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch) of the human body. For example, persons who gently yet firmly massage each other while music plays in the background on a low volume with a scented candle lit fits within the sexual activity of outercourse. Furthermore, some people with disabilities are unfamiliar with their bodies; so, they might not be able to express what is sexually pleasurable to them. Partners sexually exploring their bodies together can consist of outercourse practices leading to intercourse activity. Moreover, there is a certain form of sexual enjoyment for people with disabilities referring to the importance of the human touch called Pleasuring Mapping.

The concept of Pleasure Mapping is based on conscientious touch (a.k.a. tantric touch). Conscientious touch involves focusing the touch of massaging or deliberate caressing only on a single area of the body at a time allowing for sensual energy to be felt in that one area (hands, arms, face\neck, shoulders, etc.). Often, conscientious touch can help people with disabilities in intimate relationships get to know their bodies in a sexual manner with each other. Pleasure Mapping enables people with disabilities to know their bodies sexually and allows for them to know their likes and dislikes as well as communicate them with their intimate partners. Essentially, a variety of tips exist for people with disabilities in intimate relationships to enjoy sexual activity.

Rebecca has her master degrees in social work and human sexuality of which both degrees are clinically focused. Sexuality and disability is her area of interest regarding research and practice within the fields of social work and human sexuality. Read the rest of her profile below and the links to follow her!

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October 3, 2015
Can I have sex during my period?

Have a question on your mind about sex or seeking advice? Ask us on any topic and we’ll provide you with the answers from an expert. Send them in to editorial@simplysxy.com.

We have collected your questions on sexual health, and are delighted to have Bonnie Gayle to answer them below.

How deep is the average vagina and can it take the whole penis?

Vaginas come in a range of sizes just like penises. The average vagina size is 2.75 inches to about 3¼ inches when it’s not aroused and expands to 4.25 inches to 4.75 inches when stimulated. A woman’s vagina is directly in proportion to the length of her forefinger. Some vaginas are smaller and others are larger. The vagina is made of mucous tissue that is able to stretch when aroused. As the vagina expands, the muscles around it relax allowing it to take in an erect penis during sex.

Of course there are some men who are extremely well endowed which can be painful for women who have an average or smaller than average size vagina. All vaginas are unique; the look, feel, size, positioning, and how a vagina gets turned on varies.

Does being on the pill reduce a woman’s sex drive?

When a woman takes the pill she is introducing added hormones into her system which can affect her sex drive. 30% of women on the pill experience diminished sex drive, one of the possible side effects of being on the pill. This happens as a result of the hormones related to sexuality and libido decreasing.

Not every woman taking the pill experiences diminished sex drive. Some report that their sex drive has stayed the same or even increased which means that side effects vary from woman to woman.

Is it possible to have sex while she is on her period?

A woman can definitely have sex while on your period, however, not every woman wants to or feels comfortable having sex. During that time women may feel bloated, cramping, and/or moody. The first few days of a woman’s period are usually the worst and the time she wouldn’t be most interested in having sex. After those first few days, she may feel like she wants to have sex as the testosterone hormone starts rising again.

In some religions, having sex during a woman’s cycle is considered taboo because it’s considered “the body’s cleansing”. This is true, however if you’re someone who experiences horrific cramping, having intercourse and orgasm can help to release the cramping. You can use a towel for the extra mess, have fun and feel better!

On another note, some women love to have sex during their period… it’s the idea of doing something “naughty” during the supposed “forbidden time”. If this is you, you can have some fun having sex in the shower to avoid a mess or use a dark towel in case of excess bleeding. Whatever you do, make sure you continue to use protection because even though you’re on your period, contrary to what you may have heard you can get pregnant.

Bonnie Gayle, Body Image Expert and the Founder of Boudoir Butter & Sex Butter, educates hosts the podcast show on 65 networks, “Body Beautiful” covering feeling comfortable & confident in your body, connecting intimately & stepping into your sexual deliciousness. Bonnie’s believes releasing yourself from body bondage, body and sexual shame and learning to love your self are “an inside job”! Her products, Boudoir Butter & Sex Butter are sexually empowering pleasure enhancements made with organic plant-based oils to inspire your own natural juiciness!

Visit the links in her profile below to her websites and social media!

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October 1, 2015
What to expect when having sex with a transsexual girl for the first time

Sex is one of the most connective experiences we can have as human beings. By my nature I’m a very sexual human being – so it permeates a lot of how I interact with the world around me. To me sex isn’t just limited by acts of penetration… there’s a whole world of ways to get your rocks off, and I like to explore every way possible particularly when we get into the kink scene. I’ve a personal motto, “Try everything twice. I may have just been in a bad mood the first time.” It’s led me to a lot of sexual experiences that I really enjoyed that I might not have ever tried if I was more timid.

Primarily I enjoy sexual encounters best with people I care about, but I also don’t particularly respond well to labels being assigned to those relationships. I’m an ethical slut… while I have sexual relations with multiple partners whom I am close to, it’s important for me to be open and honest with everyone as to what’s going on. If I was born earlier, I’d definitely have fit in amongst the free-loving 60s.   The sexual roles I play with my partners (top/ bottom) changes from person to person based on what our connection with each other is like.

I also dig my sex being safe, sane and consensual. As great as sex is, there are some risks involved given diseases. That means both giving and receiving respect from partners, including being up to date with STD testing. It means making sure we learn and respect each others sexual boundaries. Sex is an act of trust and trust needs to develop from open and honest communications – about likes, desires and even fears. You can have sex without that level of trust, but in my experience that type of sex isn’t nearly as fulfilling.

First Time Nerves

Just chill. Don’t rush into anything. Start with the simple stuff… Touching one another. Caressing. Kissing.   Foreplay is all about relaxing — about pulling yourself into the moment, Did you know that some of the most erogenous zones on the body have nothing to do with genitals? When I’m with a new lover the first time, I like to explore as much of their body as I can before we move into fucking. It helps me learn who they are and how best I can give them pleasure.

If you focus on these small interactions with your partner, the sexual tension builds until it’s natural to orgasm.   It’s very similar to an idea which actors profess, “be in the moment.” The best sex involves losing yourself in the immediate acts of lovemaking rather than focusing on anything else. Let’s face it — when it’s good, time stops. There’s no thought other than the pleasure you and your partner are having. I find organically getting there through foreplay is the best way to relax during my first time with someone.

The Experience

That all depends on the transsexual woman. Is she a top or a bottom with you? How comfortable is she with her own body? One thing that’s key to understanding transsexuals is that because we were born in a body that’s inconsistent with who we are, we experience some level of dysphoria from it. This varies from person to person. Personally I’m okay with the fact I still have male genitals. While I would have preferred to have been born with a vagina, I’m okay with both lovers and myself pleasuring my cock – it doesn’t trigger emotional discomfort for me to use my cock during sex. But there are other transwomen who can’t bear to see their cock let alone to have it touched or used during sex.

If you want to have a great sexual experience with a transwoman, you’ll need to have communication with her. How comfortable is she with her body? Does she want to penetrate or be penetrated? Like any other sexual encounter, you and your partner will need to negotiate what’s enjoyable for both of you. Once you are past that, it’s just like any other sexual encounter.

Recommended Sex Position

Again, I think this depends on the person. For example, when bottoming, I personally dig positions like cowgirl where I can look in my lover’s eyes as we make love. When topping, I love doggie style because it gets me in the right mindset to fuck the living shit out of someone.

Kink it up a notch!

There’s a whole world of kink out there. Google it – lol. Some of my personal favorites include electroplay and ropeplay. Fifty Shades of Grey barely touches the surface of what’s possible. For folks wanting to explore BDSM, I suggest starting with a book called “The Loving Dominant” – it’s not a perfect book by any means, but it does cover both the physical and emotional aspects of dominant/ submissive play and is a great introduction to those concepts.

TS porn star Wendy Summers was the 2013 RISE Shemale Performer of the Year and a three-time Transgender Erotica Award winner. Wendy has appeared in the DVD releases I Kill it TS Vol 1, Shemale Strokers 50; Bang My Tranny Ass 10; and 5th Annual Tranny Award Winners and has appeared on websites like Shemale Strokers, Shemale Yum, Shemale Pornstar & Wendy Williams XXX. Read the rest of her profile below and the links to her website www.WendySummers.com!

Images courtesy of Wendy Summers
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September 24, 2015
3 Favorite Sex Positions for Orgasm
I enjoy sex and on a scale off 1-10…. it’s an 11 for sure. It may be my age (that I will never tell :)) but if sex were offered on a daily basis or hourly, I’m in!!! 🙂

How many different positions I try before reaching an orgasm depends on the guy. I have had a few partners where I have came from only trying one position. Those guys had larger cocks but am not dismissing the ones with smaller ones. On average, I would have to say that I try two or more positions before cumming. My favorite happens to be on top!

Recommended sex positions to enjoy the following sensations
- Deeper penetration for him
I would say from behind (doggie style), that way he can spread her ass cheeks and get as deep as he wants.

But from a personal experience, I found the deepest penetration was when he grabbed my hips and pulled me back towards him as hard as he could while in the same position.
- To make your vagina feel tighter
I am a strong believer in Kegel exercises so I feel that it is a huge part in making the vagina feel tighter for the man. But for a sex position I would have to say that the woman laying on her stomach with legs closed and the man on top, behind her thrusting makes her feel tighter for him.
- To reach your G-Spot
I would have to recommend what I call the “Cowgirl” position. This position gives me, the female, all control on how deep or shallow the penetration is. On that note, in some cases, it depends on the size of the mans’ cock. The bigger the less penetration, or the smaller the deeper the penetration. From personal experience, for the man to reach the G-Spot would be a good 6 to 8 inch curved up cock.

3 of my favorite sex positions
- Doggie Style
I have always loved this position for the deep penetration that I get, from the deep hard thrusts. I have always found the best place for this position is on the floor for total control from the man. For the nights that I want to be dominated. I think to make this position kinky or kinkier is to bring in some props like a dog collar, a whip and of course a nice ass spanking as I love those.
- Women on top (cowgirl)
This is my favorite of all time. Two variations to this are the “cowgirl” and the “reverse cowgirl” and in doing either, I have full and total control of my man. Anything I may choose to do to him…… I can spur him with my heels, pinch his nipples and pull his hair but best of all I can take all of his cock deep inside me and watch him squirm. This position can be carried out anywhere and anytime. My experience was in the honeymoon capital of the world, Niagara Falls, Ontario, Canada with my boyfriend (at the time) at dusk on one of the lookout towers. It made me so hot. Thought we were going to get caught a few times because people were staring and pointing but we continued anyway, finished and went on our way. It was amazing!
- Standing
I love this one because the tables are turned and the man is now in control of you. pushing you against the wall from behind or in front. It can be a passionate love making position but then it can be a dirty kinky position also. I myself like the dirty kinky, I leave the missionary for the passion. The dirtier the better, any wall will do for this position, your man grabs you, pulls your pants down or your skirt up slides your panties to the side and takes you. Any time, any where, all you need is a wall. My boyfriend couldn’t wait one night to get back to the hotel room so the hallway was our wall, very dirty and kinky considering there are cameras in the hallways. We did get kicked out of that hotel that night, but what a night to remember:).

“A girl should be two things: Who and What she wants!” (quote by Coco Chanel.) That is me a free spirited Canadian girl that loves life, family and friends. I’m a true romantic at heart, but the naughty girl next door. I want to be that girl in everyone’s dirty dreams, so I am currently making that happen as a cam model. Enjoying every bit of life, in every way! Follow me on:

@kittiepusspuss

myfreecams.com/KittieLee

Images courtesy of Kittie Lee
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September 23, 2015
2 Tips to make using Condoms more fun when they’re required

Sex has always been something I’ve loved! And why wouldn’t I?? Why wouldn’t anyone? Sex is Great!! The ability to let go and feel in the moment, along with all the pleasure and excitement that comes with the connection is beyond anything else in this world! I see sex as a way to not only connect on a deeply intimate level with someone you’re attracted to, but also a way of being able to connect with oneself. The exploration of sex is an area with so many possibilities and so much pleasure, not to mention the huge health benefits that are said to come along with sex: Stress release, can help lower blood pressure and can help improve your immune system. Great exercise, and sex, always seems to help me sleep better since relaxation comes easily afterwards!

The one thing with sex that’s not always so much fun is the condom issue. We all know that they’re necessary at times, but how do they make the experience feel? And how can the necessary use of condoms be better? Can you make using a condom a little more fun and not such a show stopper when it comes to being in the moment?

If asked, most people will say, including myself, that sex without a condom is better. The slippery, bare, skin on skin feeling with the right person, along with the psychological bare skin connection is unbeatable! It’s not just you ‘guys’ that feel that way either… We girls love that feeling, too, and because we’re emotional creatures, bare skin sex is a total turn on emotionally as well!! But sometimes, condoms are an absolute must. For those times when you’re with a partner you’re not so familiar with or in a non-committed relationship or chance encounter/hookup, how can the condom requirement become more a part of the experience, rather than a hindrance to the moment? As far as I’m concerned there are 2 key things that need to be addressed in order to create a better experience: the feel of sex with a condom and actually putting a condom on.

First, there’s the ‘feeling’. One thing to remember is that even though you may need to use a condom, the pleasure derived from the experience can still rank up there in the top 10. For example, in a situation where condoms are required, the level of concern you might have if you didn’t use one is lowered considerably, as you don’t have to worry so much about what might ‘come up’ after the fact. Condoms can definitely help put your mind more at ease there, making the moment much more enjoyable. And using the right condom will certainly up the pleasure aspect of the experience for both parties.

While condom type is a personal preference, I’ve found the ultra-thin versions to be a better experience in comparison to regular or ribbed types. But again, that’s my personal preference. While I haven’t tried ALL the varieties out there, I have tried a few and found Trojan Thintensity to be my favorite. I’m sort of a Trojan brand girl, but again, that’s just me. There’s also a latex-free condom from LifeStyles called SKYN that I have tried a few times and found them to be pretty great, too, but as I said, I happen to be more of a Trojan girl. That’s just my ‘brand’ of preference. There are so many different types and brands out there now, that it’s best to find what works for you through experimentation.

Just an FYI: On the news front with condoms, they’re now working on creating condoms that feel even more skin-like using hydrogels (the type of material used in contact lenses and what not), so that’s kind of exciting! While they’re still in the R&D phase of hydrogel use, it’s definitely something to watch for to see what they come up with!

http://www.psfk.com/2015/04/next-generation-condom-self-lubricating-biodegradable-hydrogels.html#.VdxqMXuTa-M.twitter

The second very important aspect of using condoms is the act of putting the condom on. That in itself can chop things up and take some of the sexy out of the moment. So the question is: how do you make putting the condom on more part of the moment rather than a proverbial show stopper? It’s all in the technique. This one happens to be for the ladies, but it definitely keeps the motion moving forward without much pause. The only pause would be to get the condom, so have it nearby if at all possible. For you guys, maybe you can ‘suggest’ this one to your girl and see if she’s up for trying it out. One caveat for the technique I’m going to propose… go un-lubricated when possible. The reasons will be obvious as you read on…

First, you’ll want to get your guy hard, or at least a little more than half way, so do what you do the way you do it to get him going… Once he’s there, take the condom out and use your finger to find which way the condom unfolds, all the time, maintaining eye contact with that sexy, I’m going to fuck you look. Once you’ve done that, take the condom and place it right on the inside edge of your lips so that it’s between the inside of your lips and your teeth. Make sure that you place it so that it unrolls into your mouth… then, give him a smile as he’s lying there, or standing there in front of you while you’re on your knees, and take him in your mouth and slowly roll the condom on while you have him there. You’ll most likely have to use your hand as you go down to help roll the condom on, but they never seem to mind that!

Now you can totally practice this ahead of time to perfect things. Just use a dildo, or anything about that size, and practice putting it on using your mouth. It’s not that tough and you’ll get the hang of it pretty quick! Once you do, he’ll love it, and it really does make the whole condom placement much more fun, while taking the major pause to put one on out of the picture.

Once you’ve got this technique mastered, and know what condom style you like best, the condom experience can be just as satisfying as having sex without one, with the added security and peace of mind knowing that you are both more protected from any unfortunate issues that could come up later. Another tip for condom types if you’re not sure what style to use: The ultra-thin’s are usually a good default choice, just because the guys are most likely going to favor them for more feeling… and more feeling is Always better!!

Also, remember to go with the non-lubricated type, because using this technique to put a condom on, while still possible, does not taste good at all. You can always use a condom safe lubricant after putting it on, if you need to. So find your favorite condom style, practice putting them on using the blowjob method, and then have some protected sexy, uninterrupted fun when condoms are a requirement!

I’m Jessie Ashlen, a professional, upscale companion/escort for those gentlemen looking for that unique experience that encapsulates the temporary girlfriend, muse, and confidante all in one. Visit the rest of my profile and the links to my sites below!

Featured image courtesy of Shutterstock
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September 22, 2015