I am totally acceptant of sex work and have no shame in regards of the topic, the only reason I wouldn’t be open about it with just about anyone I cross path with is because a lot of people don’t understand or do not accept it, and it is better to just keep quiet to avoid drama.
But the main reason why I am open with it now is because I know why I do this. It is has brought more good than many other things in my life has. Of course financially speaking, it has allowed me to be fully independent, live on my own terms, have the freedom I have always seeked, live on my own, buy a car, travel, pay for aesthetics procedure, invest on myself, save money in a short time period, live a life I wouldn’t have been able to without it. Not to mention how unfair the minimum wage is.
Second, the job itself, you meet a lot of different people that are willing to spend on you, to take you out, to buy you drinks and to make you feel special, to appreciate you and to respect because you respect yourself. I know people who would do this for free, or that would pay to do what I am paid for, so yes I feel lucky at times but luck has nothing to do with it, it is hard work and decisions that I took to be here today. And of course every sex worker is different and every encounter with different persons is also different. But mainly, most of the time it is fun and a learning experience, like any other job.
Also they do not pay for a good that you sell, they pay for your company, and to spend time/intimate time with you, so unlike other jobs where you have to learn different products, all you have to do here is to be the best you can at this is to be basically be yourself and to take care of yourself and sometimes dress up, meet many different people, develop different connections.. Who wouldn’t want to be paid to do that? Sometimes I feel like I am paid to live, where others are to work.
How I Felt About Sex Work When I Started Out
I was hiding my face and really reluctant to talk about it or to share with anyone what I was doing, and a lot of SW feels the same way. I think like many other things, partially because of society views and judgments and people who feed their ego on bringing other people down. It is like we have two lives and two jobs and two social circles.
1. The ones we are when we work and everyone in the industry who knows what we do, and
2. Who we are when we are not working, our personal lives and those who do not know about it. But at certain point, the two worlds clashes, and this is what happened for me. You cannot be two different people and as I got older and more confident, I stopped caring about what other people think of me, and I stopped being around judgmental people and those who did not accept me fully for who I am.
As I first started, it was really intimidating, And it is a lot to learn before getting fully into the business. A lot of businesses teach you to take as many clients as you can without considering your needs and that might be your first thought or approach when starting in the business, but it makes it hard work to provide a good service and totally un-enjoyable, as most agencies do not let you speak to the client before meeting him. I had to learn that to be able to be successful as an independent provider and make a living out of this alone, I had to focus on deeper connections, on the service I provide, the needs that I fulfil, the people that I meet instead of a dollar sign, and that’s how I was able to start to enjoy it and to work smarter, not harder.
Here comes the importance of talking to the client and screening or reading him prior to booking just by his approach and initial introduction email or text messages. It takes a little bit of practice but you can tell who is as a person, and your first impression about him. It is important to refuse a client that you know will give you a bad experience. I now rather focus on quality people who I can be real and build a connection with that I know are gonna come see me again rather than a lot of clients that do not appreciate you, that is how I’ve been able to charge a higher rate and be successful with a limited number of bookings.
Are Sex Workers Supportive Of One Another?
Totally, SW are totally supportive of each other and that is where I met the most loyal, intelligent, and open people I know, that have taught me to be the person I am today, strong and confident despite all my weaknesses, and to be able to speak up and to express myself.
And it is another reason why I will never ever bring down sex workers, any form of sex work or be ashamed of it. Also it is where I met people I grew strong bonds and real friendship with, exactly because you are allowed to be yourself and it is a judgment free world in this industry.
Challenges Balancing My Private Life & Sex Work Life
I am not saying sex work is always easy, it has been a long road but like anything else that is worth it in the long run, does not come easy. First, one of the most important things as a sex worker is to respect yourself. I know it sounds totally ironic that most people view sex work as degrading. But yes, I had to learn to respect myself and to know my boundaries. This is certainly the biggest challenge.
You are gonna meet a lot of people that will try to take more than they give, people that will try to take advantage, people that are disrespectful, it is totally up to you to let them know what you are ok or not comfortable with, what your rules are. At the end of the day, what most men enjoy is to make a woman feel good in their company, and to provide for us, so again it is up to you to learn what you want and to let them know and communicate your feelings with them. I am far from perfect and far from knowing everything about myself but I am trying my best and I think that is all it takes, that and putting in a lot of time.
The difference between love life and sex work is that you don’t always enjoy the company you are with. I myself love to create real and genuine connection with people and I am used to be paid for it so it is difficult for me to do this while maintaining a relationship. Some sex workers choose to have a partner while doing this, but I consider my clients as men I am dating and I’d rather not have both. If I would meet someone that I would want to settle with, be willing to commit and putting in the work, I’d probably be just less emotionally invested in my work, but I’d see myself being able to manage with both. At the same time I do not want to give up my lifestyle. I would have to meet someone that is ok with what I do. And that person has to be very special if he is not paying me. *laughs*
Men are looking for beautiful women that are also smart and fun to have a conversation with. Yes in an ideal world, there would be that perfect partner for everybody, that meets all of our needs, but the truth is it is hard to find, and if you are a person with personal issues, like anger issues or obesity or too busy with work or whatever it is, your sexual and emotional needs cannot be fully met, and that is why we are here as sex workers.
Also there are technical details you have to deal with, just like owning a business it is a lot of work and expenses, creating a website, photoshoots that can cost up to 1k (ranges from 500-1k for reputable photoraphers, not to mention the expenses for outfits) , constantly replying to emails and phone, paying for advertisement and staying up to date . A lot of SW have two apartments/condos, a work location and a place to live, two phones, two email addresses, etc… to protect their identity.
To be continued…
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