Tag: BDSM

  • How To Save Your Relationship From A Sexual Breakdown

    How To Save Your Relationship From A Sexual Breakdown

    Sexual breakdowns in relationships start slowly. You think and wonder, how did we get here? There could be a lot of reasons for a sexual breakdown, maybe you or your partner travel a lot for work or are always busy and never have the time. Many people have said that over time they lose sexual interest and it gets too “old” and “boring”. You might love the person forever but doesn’t mean the sex will always be amazing. Now the real question is – what are ways to save your relationship from a sexual breakdown?

    Sexting – If you or your partner travel for business or work a 9am-7pm job and have kids or overall if things are lagging in the bedroom, sexting is a great way to spice things up. That’s where sexting comes in handy. Some people think sexting might be “awkward “ or “uncomfortable “ but sexting is an actual great way to get closer with your partner and keep the relationship interesting.

    Sexting can be a great to keep in touch, find out more of what your partner likes, get back up if you and your partner are drifting, or even build trust. Some ways of sexting would be to take a hot pic/video of yourself and send it to your partner with a little message saying you’re thinking about them in a very naughty way, or if you’re at work, randomly surprise your partner with a sext saying all the things you would like to do to them, even if you usually don’t do those things when your actually in the bedroom.

    Sexting has been proven by experts that it can really keep you and your partner more interested in each other over time and find out more about what your partner likes in bed and hype up your sex life !

    BDSM – Have you watched 50 Shades Of Grey? Thats a great example of BDSM. If you feel like you and your partners’ sex life is dying out, taking a role play and using BDSM can save your sex life. I’ve had experience with many people that I personally know where after a couple of years with their partner, they just weren’t that into them anymore. You and your partner can try many things like using toys, trying different positions or different types of intercourse such as oral and anal sex.

    You can spice things up by bringing in a pair of hand cuffs, some blindfolds, or maybe even a whip. Of course you should always have a safe word which will allow the partner to tell you to stop. If you’re new to this, watching videos on it can help a lot on what to do. Never forget to use some spanking or chocking, this will really spice things up in the relationship. Also ladies buying a new sexy lingerie to turn your partner on can never hurt. Don’t be afraid to leave your comfort zone and try new things, you and your partner can totally change your relationship in a amazing way.


    Featured image courtesy of Shutterstock

    Like to be featured on SimplySxy? Drop us an email at editorial@SimplySxy.com!

  • The BDSM Scene & Being A Mistress In Tokyo

    The BDSM Scene & Being A Mistress In Tokyo

    Kink is a huge pillar in my life. I’ve worked in and around the kink community prior to becoming a pro-domme. I still find it fascinating and ever fluctuating, evolving, morphing, even while I work in the midst of it. I think that is what attracts me to the so-called “alternative lifestyle”; there isn’t a “correct” or “incorrect” way of doing things (outside of protocol such as consent and safety, of course).

    You can become who you want to be, who you design to be. Not only can you make your own fantasy come true, but you can realize that of others while doing so.

    Popularity Of Kink In Tokyo

    I could say that the kink community is fairly large in Tokyo. The fact that there are a good number of open spaces for people to explore their kink helps. BDSM is becoming more acceptable in mainstream and pop culture, but I don’t think it’s fair to say that society is open or accepting about it.

    People may joke around and say that they’re “sadistic” or “masochistic”, but they’re only aware of the surface level of what goes into BDSM. Generally speaking, it’s also not acceptable to talk about BDSM in a public, vanilla setting either.

    Ways To Enjoy The Kink Scene In Tokyo

    There are two ways to enjoy fetish/kink/BDSM when you are in Tokyo. You could go to a fetish-themed event (which happens quite regularly in Tokyo). Another way is to pay a visit to a “SM” or “Fetish” bar.

    These are safe spaces where you can either sit back and enjoy your drink, or participate in some light play. Most SM bars have suspension points, toys (such as floggers, whips, rope, etc.), and costumes. However, you will not be able to fully undress, and there are different policies depending on each bar as to how far you can go with your “play.”

    Uniqueness Of Kink In Japan

    I am often told that the sheer number of bars that are completely dedicated to BDSM is something that is unique to Japan. For a country that’s so small, we do have an impressive number of spaces and events that are purely directed towards the BDSM community.

    How I Got Started As A Mistress

    I returned to Japan three years ago after graduating from grad school in Los Angeles. I quickly got immersed in the scene here and started working part-time as a translator for private kinbaku (rope bondage) lessons. I met a Mistress (who I see as my mentor today), and quickly dreamt of becoming a Mistress full-time, but there were circumstances that weren’t allowing me for doing so.

    About a year later, I began working at a SM bar, where I met another Mistress who worked for a SM Club (which is something like an agency for Mistresses). I got connected to the owner of the club (who is a Mistress herself, and someone I admire) and thanks to her, I had a face-to-face talk with the owner. I worked for the club a little over an year before deciding to go independent.

    Expectations For Subs

    Trust, honesty, and respect.

    Favorite Kink Sessions Of Mine

    I’ve recently become a huge fan of JOI after signing up with NiteFlirt. I didn’t anticipate the amount of control I can have over a sub with just my voice; I found that exhilarating. When conducting in-person sessions, I love the idea of giving subs a task (taking lashes from a single tail, etc.) and giving them a treat if they manage to meet their goals.

    I’m also a huge fan of sissification; some of my favorite subs are sissies that want to be transformed by me, and go on “dates” together. I’m keen on incorporating different aspects of BDSM as well as forms of play into my sessions.


    Mistress Kinako – I am born and raised in Japan, BDSM has been a large part of my life for nearly a decade. I am a true sadist and female supremacist at heart, and pride my practice in domination and torture. I describe my style of domination as “East-meets-West”; I blend nuances of Japanese “SM” with Western style discipline and torture.

    Follow Mistress Kinako on

    Website: mistresskinako.com

    Twitter: @MistressKinako

    Instagram: @MistressKinako

    NiteFlirt: @MistressKinako

    Blog: http://blog.livedoor.jp/mistresskinako/


    Images courtesy of Mistress Kinako

    Like to be featured on SimplySxy? Drop us an email at editorial@SimplySxy.com!

  • What To Know About Facesitting & Scat Play

    What To Know About Facesitting & Scat Play

    I believe everyone has a vice. Kink and fetishes are a way for people to escape the dwells of reality.

    What Is Facesitting?

    Facesitting is a practice also known as queening. That a person uses another person’s face as a seat cushion. It’s technical term is “sexual practice”, however, and I think it’s more of a smother and breath play in the BDSM world. I really enjoy being in control of another’s breath. When they breathe, when I will allow them to gasp for air, before smothering them again. I love that.

    Reasons Subs Enjoy Facesitting

    Some say it’s to experience”submission”. Others can’t resist being dominated and smothered under my 52 inch ass.

    Misconceptions About Facesitting

    That it’s supposed to mean receiving oral sex. Or to be a “sexual” act. Most people don’t use this for sex. It’s more them relinquishing power, not wanting sex.

    Incorporating Scat Play Into Facesitting

    Well scat play typically involves my Slaveboy becoming my real life toilet. Some consume, some just want it on them. I usually face sit them before scat. That way I can relax myself and maybe pass gas on them. What a treat for them…hehe.

    Risks Involved In Scat Play

    Well obviously it’s something that shouldn’t be consumed. But the ones that do probably could get abdominal issues. But so far none of my Toilet Slaves have issues. And come back to do multiple sessions.

    How To Ensure Safe Facesitting and Scatplay

    I typically don’t have any exchange of bodily fluids in my basic session. But my higher tribute sessions, l get checked on a regular basis. And usually will require a recent test from someone that is wanting the “clip experience” session.


    Goddess Naughtia – Queen of Facesitting and Goddess of Scat Professional Dominatrix.

    Follow Goddess Naughtia on

    Twitter: https://twitter.com/goddessnaughtia

    Facebook: Goddessaughtia

    Website: www.domgoddessnaughtia.com 

    I’m heading out on my East Coast tour so if anyone wants to get a live session email me goddessnaughtia@gmail.com My website to purchase my latest content is domgoddessnaughtia.com

    Contact me for scat clips.


    Featured image courtesy of Shutterstock, article images courtesy of Goddess Naughtia

    Like to be featured on SimplySxy? Drop us an email at editorial@SimplySxy.com!

  • The Seven Veils

    The Seven Veils

    The Seven Veils is an ancient sexual practice designed to connect the energy field and life force that flows between partners. It is comprised of 7 powerful elements that combine together to create a deep spiritual connection.

    Due to social norms and learnt behaviour shaped by surface-level awareness and commercial influence, our views on intimacy often fit within a myopic context. Many of our sexual encounters tend to neglect the full potential of what we are truly capable of as beings of raw energy.

    The Seven Veils place great emphasis on each stage of arousal. They can last days, weeks and even months as we move beyond our over-reliance on climax based interaction for meaningful intimacy. The Seven Veils focus on developing a strong spiritual bond through physical and mental arousal from eye contact and sensual touch, to the deepest form of penetration.

    Some Shamans believe the act of sexual unification creates a long-lasting mystical connection between people independent of love or any other emotions. They believe a field of energy is created that facilitates the transference of positive or negative energy back and forth.

    There are individuals who consciously and subconsciously feed off other people’s energy and use it to nourish their own without giving anything in return. Many people will have experienced this to some extent, so whether or not we agree with the shaman’s interpretation, it is not without merit.

    At a Glance

    We have all experienced hard-wired instinctive arousal from simply making eye contact with someone whom we are attracted to. What proceeds is an intricate and complex mating dance designed to ascertain whether it is a worthwhile investment to allow the removal of a protective veil.

    The Seven Veils provide a way to truly embrace these intense feeling of arousal at every stage, ultimately leading to a deeper understanding of the needs, wants and desires between partners.

    Beyond Time

    Whilst comprised of 7 elements as a whole, each is explored independently to the fullest extent possible. Once the desired level of intimacy within an element has been achieved, only then will the next veil be revealed. There is no ascension or progression as such as each element exist autonomously, even though when combined they form a greater sum.

    The Seven Veils create an environment where we can be fully present and experience arousal on an incremental level. The sequenced unveiling provides a way to consciously observe these sensations and intricately weave them together in harmony.

    One element does not necessarily lead to the next and it is very possible that penetration may not feature as a part of a journey. Partners may decide at any time that they have achieved their desired level of connection. Although conversely, they may decide that a particular element requires significantly more exploration in order to help address certain issues. There is no obligation to define a time frame or impose restrictions that may prohibit enjoyment. All that is required is a desire to please and a willingness to explore beyond your comfort zone.

    Extreme Arousal

    During extreme states of arousal for both men and women, the brain floods the body full of Adrenaline, dopamine, and oxytocin. The blood pressure soars, causing the woman’s vulva to become moist and swollen, and the man appears to lose the power of thought as he succumbs to a drug-induced state of euphoria.

    This is the result of our emotions telling our body in a not-so-subtle way that we are ready to mate. Many people are painfully aware that emotions are often terrible at making decisions. The Seven Veils aid in the mental discipline required for transmutation of intense sexual energy between partners. This can lay the foundation for a new level of desire and a permanent state of arousal that can last indefinitely.

    Growth and Commitment

    By keeping an open mind and letting go of insecurities and expectations, we are able to heal old wounds and limiting self-beliefs. As the veils naturally unravel within a safe and caring environment we can embrace a much deeper spiritual connection. This requires patience and an awareness of self that is developed through focus and dedication.

    As amazing as this may sound, The Seven Veils require a high level of commitment and self-discipline. It is not something to be entered in to lightly, as certain elements need to be agreed prior to embarking upon this journey. We are largely creatures of habit and impulse, and this can lead to frustration when emotions start to run awry.

    The appeal of 7 Veils may be somewhat niche but for those who choose to embrace it, I fail to see how this process could not change one’s perspective on what is really possible. But in order to achieve this, a certain level of vulnerability is required.

    However, the pervasive nature by which we view vulnerability within society (for men especially) is wholly counter-productive and requires conscious effort to rewire these false perceptions. The specific context of vulnerability is what determines its nature, as it is inherently neither positive nor negative. Having said that, I believe this gives credence to the importance of partner selection, attitude and setting to ensure mental and physical well-being.

    Preparation

    As alluded to above, preparation is of vital importance so before discussing the 7 specific stages, I will share some general guidelines that you may want to observe.

    Timeframe: It is very much down to the individuals involved but the practice of The Seven Veils usually lasts from 7 days to a month. There is no definitive duration and it can indeed last however long is deemed necessary to achieve the desired objective.

    Schedule: Agree on a schedule for when and how the ritual will take place. Dates and times should be consistent and provide a manageable and realistic framework for all involved. For example; a 3-hour session for a duration of 7 days may work well for some, whereas others may prefer shorter sessions spanning a month or two.

    Flexibility: Despite the best intentions plans do change, as well as emotions and feelings. This is not about creating a rigid blueprint, as this will completely defeat the purpose. Focus on the objective, put the other person first, and mutual respect will create the equilibrium needed.

    Environment: I would be remiss if I did not emphasize again the level of impact setting can have on this type of practice. A warm, safe and comfortable space free of distractions with candles and an Aroma diffuser can really help to add to the ambience. Decide what works best for you.

    Positions: There is something extremely erotic about looking your partner directly in the eye and holding their gaze. Sit, stand or lay opposite your partner so you are close enough to touch and smell each other’s scent.

    Cohesion: When both partners are ready to move on to the next stage, the new element will now fuse with the previous. The previous element will be allocated a fraction of the time as to allow for focus on a new area of development. This method maintains cohesion between all elements as partners evolve. However, if a particular element proves especially challenging, it can be isolated completely to allow for intense focus if required.

    Translation: There may be some specific phrases or concepts that do not translate perfectly across the various sexual preferences and relationship models that we enjoy. I have attempted to present The Seven Veils in a way that is inclusive of all but still remain true to the essence of the original philosophy. No offence is intended if I have fallen short of this in certain areas. I believe The Seven Veils can be applied to any caring relationship dynamic.

    The Seven Veils – Step By Step

    1. The First Veil

    – Face and Hands

    – Fully dressed above the clothes

    – Gentle caress & massage

    The first veil can be likened to when wild animals first meet and begin sizing each other up. A primal level of intimate connection takes place as you gaze directly into each other’s soul. From a warm delicate feather-light stroke of the hand to a subtle kiss on the side of the face, you both slowly start to unravel.

    Biting or kissing on the lips is out of bounds as the objective is to gently feel and sense every vein, every crease in the skin and every hair follicle on the hands and face. With eyes open, tune in and paying close attention to all involuntary reactions like a deep shiver running down the spine or goosebump emerging on the back of the hand. Move in close alongside their face and inhale deeply, taking in the scent of their hair and the heat coming off their skin as blood surges through their body.

    Communicate and ask how they feel, what they like, where they want to be touched and what they can visualise. Take time to slowly absorb your partner’s essence and channel it back to them through touch and genuine desire. This is all about a tactile connection so remember to breath, let go and explore.

    1. The Second Veil

    – Full body

    – Fully dressed underneath clothes

    – Light kissing, caress & massage

    – No erogenous zones

    The Second Veil fades away to reveal the neck, arms, torso and feet. The face and hands are also incorporated but all erogenous zones including the breast, genitals, buttocks and anus are out of bounds. Hands now move under the clothes and are free to explore the landscape including the shoulders, chest, stomach, lower back, legs, knees, ankles and feet.

    With the focus on the breathing, the sensation of touch and your partner’s reaction, you can fully embrace this trilateral union of sensory delight. Visualise and learn to control the waves of energy as if conducting an orchestra. Take time to isolate certain sensations like the feel of hair follicles gently being stroked back and forth, as well as the absence of touch to heighten anticipation.

    The skin is a field of electric current that comes alive with energy shooting signals directly to the brain every time you touch. And the more you nurture it, the stronger the current becomes, eventually providing enough energy to create a constant flow of arousal that encapsulates you both.

    1. The Third Veil

    – Full body

    – Fully dressed

    – Kissing on lips, licking, biting and sucking

    – Including Breast and buttocks

    – No erogenous

    At The Third Veil, you will now move beyond the surface and engage as much of the body as you can access. Passionate and steamy kissing, massaging the breast and stroking the buttocks can require a seemingly unnatural level of self-control but this is precisely what is required. Erogenous zones like the vagina, anus and nipples are still out of bounds but you can move in close and listen to your partner’s heartbeat race in anticipation.

    You can lick, suck and bite but restraint is still required as there are no tongues at this stage. Take this time to really explore The Third Veil’s full potential. Tease every inch of your partner until their body contorts with desire. Use all your senses from smell and touch to sight and hearing. Use your body weight to apply pressure to different parts as arousal increases.

    Remember to focus on your breathing and be sure to help your partner remain in sync with you as much as possible. This takes a lot of practice and dedication but the goal is to maintain an intense state of arousal that you can channel between you and your partner.

    1. The Forth Veil

    – Full body

    – Skin to skin, Underwear

    – Kissing with tongues, licking, biting and sucking

    – Including Nipples and buttocks

    – No genitals or anus

    The Forth veil is often the tipping point where emotions erupt as skin meets skin and minds fuse together. The Forth Veil allows for underwear, sexy lingerie and kinky outfits if so desired. At this stage, there is full body contact with only a thin veil restricting full access to the most sensitive regions.

    Instead of stripping these away, learn to use them to build desire. The longing is in the thought of that which is denied – this is an extremely powerful concept to master because it teaches you how to nurture intense sexual desire not only within yourself but your partner too.

    Tongues are permitted but the genitals and anus are still out of bounds. The licking, sucking and kissing of nipples can be so overwhelming that all notions of restraint fade into the distance. However, The Seven Veils provide the mental aptitude needed to navigate between the intoxicating allure of immediate release and the added intensity of delayed gratification. The goal is to achieve a state of extreme arousal and harmonious tranquillity as desire surges through the body, mind and spirit.

    1. The Fifth Veil

    – Full body

    – Naked

    – Everything including oral and masturbation permitted

    – No penetration or male ejaculation

    The Fifth Veil is wickedly seductive, so much so that few are able to explore the full extent of this realm as partners are usually operating from a space of pure instinct. Although The Fifth Veil permits everything besides penetration and male ejaculation the goal is not necessarily female orgasm or oral pleasure.

    The goal is to explore the entire body to the fullest whilst having these cards on the table. Use your tongue, saliva, hands, body, face, breath, sweat – every ounce of your being to explore every curve, every dip, every arch, every erogenous zone including the anus. Find out where your boundaries are and address them through honest open communication without fear of judgment.

    When tasting each other be sure to relish all the flavours and textures. When performing cunnilingus and tasting her orgasm, look beyond the physical and embrace the gift of pure sexual energy manifested. Drink it, bath in it and enjoy the fruits the yoni has to offer.

    When performing fellatio use your hands and mouth in rhythm with each other, as a potter would delicately caress clay on a wheel. Wrap your tongue around it, tease the head, swallow it whole, spit on it, let saliva slowly run down the shaft and watch his every response.

    The goal of The Fifth Veil is to learn to apply this level of erotic desire to the entire body, not just the genitals and erogenous zones. An earlobe or the back of the neck can be magnetised with so much energy that it can bring a partner to orgasm with the lightest touch.

    For women in particular, The Fifth Veil provides the perfect environment for deep arousal to be nurtured slowly as men often tend to move past this element quickly in their quest to conquer.

    1. The Sixth Veil

    – Full body

    – Naked

    – Full Penetration

    – No male ejaculation

    The Sixth Veil represents the first element where full penetration is permitted but this must be tempered with a more holistic perspective. Again penetration is not the ultimate goal to be hastened towards, but it is important to embrace it fully and enjoy.

    Take time and feel each other in every way possible, slow down, keep still, sense the throbbing of the penis or the palpitation of the vagina. Sit deep inside your partner and use all the skills from the previous veils and move harmoniously between them.

    Learn how to channel your desire in different ways. Use touch and visualise your energy flowing in a constant cycle between your mind and that of your partner, similar to a figure of ‘8’. When penetrating or performing oral pleasure pay close attention to every response, every twitch and every moan. Listen to their heartbeat as it races and blood floods the brain. Feel every inch of your partner’s insides as you slowly stroke, push, pull and ride the penis or vagina. Take time to find their most intricate erogenous zones that only the most tentative of lovers will ever discover.

    You can ask your partner on a scale of 1 to 5 how close they are to orgasm and decide where in that spectrum you’ll like them to remain. You may decide to have them constantly fluctuate between two points and push them to their limit, or you may want to keep them at the lower end of the spectrum as you pace your session.

    For both men and women, this not only requires a deep level of self-restraint but also vulnerability and trust because you will have gifted your partner with complete power over your orgasm. This creates a connection that exists far beyond the physical and is embedded deep within the psyche – I’ll come back to this later on.

    In any case, this may be a completely new experience and the desire to let go may be too much to maintain. This is all part of the learning process and if this happens, let go and enjoy it free of guilt. The point to remember is that every experience is a lesson and there is no time limit. You may choose at any stage to extend the time frame allocated to better master the skills or this may be as far as you decide to go – which is fine. At least you and your partner will know where your boundaries are and you will be able to choose whether to go beyond or remain. It is completely up to you.

    1. The Seventh Veil

    – Full body

    – Naked

    – Full Penetration

    – Male Ejaculation

    The removal of The Seventh Veil signals the magical union of the man’s semen and the woman’s egg. This acts represents the fusion of the spirit’s life force through physical ejaculation deep inside the vaginal canal. This Seventh Veil more than any other represents the deepest state of arousal as the body overdoses on a chemical high. But again, ejaculation is not the goal – the goal is to learn how to channel this energy that it may be transmuted throughout the body.

    The act of tasting your partner’s ejaculation is akin to absorbing their orgasmic energy in physical form – and should be cherished as such. Ejaculation should be lovingly teased and nurtured as you would a delicate flower. Extend this moment of gratification for as long as possible and internalise this energy so it becomes part of you.

    The key to controlling ejaculation is deep breathing and mental discipline but this subject is a vast topic deserving of a much more comprehensive explanation so I advise those who are interested to investigate further.

    Mastery of The Seventh Veil can result in intense multiple and full body orgasms for both male and female. This can open up a completely new dimension and provide a clue as to our true potential as beings of infinite energy manifested in the physical realm.

    This leads to the previous point I mentioned in The Sixth Veil regarding the connection that exists beyond the physical. It is with this in mind that I feel an all-encompassing new ‘Eighth Veil’ is required to bind them all.

    The Eighth Veil

    – All is Mind

    – Deep breathing

    – No physical contact

    The Eighth Veil transcends the physical and permeates the very core of our being – the conscious mind. Our perception of emotions, desires, fears and reality itself are all formed in the cradle of the mind. However, due to our over-reliance on our external senses, many of us tend to focus on what is outside, rather than what is within. The way we respond to our partner’s energy is based on our own perception and interpretation, not theirs.

    The Eighth Veil looks to fine-tune the senses through conscious thought, internal reflection, meditation and breath work. Take time to really appreciate the mental and spiritual aspect of your connection with your partner. Think about how you feel when they look deep into your soul, or when they are inside you moments away from climax. Think about how they taste when they cum in your mouth and how their body starts to twitch and spasm.

    This is potent energy many of us rarely utilise, but through meditation and breath work we are able to tap into our subconscious frequency and amplify it. Inhale positivity and let it nourish your being, and at the same time exhale toxins and any negative emotions. Remove all distractions and make time to simply exist in the moment.

    The Eighth Veil combined with the original seven provides the ideal framework for sexual development that nurtures mind, body and spirit. There is no defined end goal or ultimate state of being, only the journey of constant evolution that all truth seekers embrace.

    Final Thoughts

    Some Taoists believe sexual intercourse is a spiritual practice that brings about long-lasting unions between partners. As we search for new levels of enlightenment and more meaningful ways to connect, we should always be clear on what we would like a partner to bring to the table.

    We are all on a journey of self-discovery and the partners we choose to embrace along the way will help to shape the path. Once we are free to move beyond fear and insecurities the spirit opens up and the body follows suit. We are beings of energy manifested in the physical realm, but reality is not defined by what we see – it is defined by what we feel.


    Madison James is a degree educated 38 year old international male escort from London with a keen interest in BDSM, Tantra and massage. He has an aptitude for intellectual conversation, an inquisitive mind and a genuine desire to help women embrace their sexuality one orgasm at a time!

    This article was originally published at https://www.themadisonjames.com/single-post/2018/07/17/The-Seven-Veils

    Follow Madison James at http://www.thefiftyshadesofgreyexperience.co.uk/


    Featured image republished from https://www.themadisonjames.com/single-post/2018/07/17/The-Seven-Veils
    Have an amazing experience or tips you like to share on SimplySxy? Drop us an email at editorial@SimplySxy.com!

  • What You Need To Know About Blackmail and Hypnosis

    What You Need To Know About Blackmail and Hypnosis

    Femdom is really all there is for me. I’ve never had, wanted, or needed a job beyond being a professional dominatrix, but it’s far more than just income for me. Femdom is empowering and fulfilling in ways that I could never see another ‘job’ living up to. I’ve heard from so many of the subs I’ve interacted with that Femdom has given them renewed purpose in life, their Dommes having given them the guidance and direction they needed to become a person that they can be proud of.

    Some have even told me that finding a Domme has saved their lives, digging them out of depression and helping them fend off anxiety issues. Femdom is so much more than a different type of “porn,” it’s a real connection between two people who can each make each other’s lives better in some way. I’ve been being paid for my expertise in the fetish world since 2005.

    What Does Hypnosis Involve?

    I’ve always been interested in learning different ways of manipulation. Honestly, this world runs on manipulation. Everybody in life wants something from you, and everybody in your life has something you want. It’s all about learning how to manipulate them into giving it to you. You may even find that there are certain things that you want from yourself and then must find ways to manipulate your own psyche in order to get that to happen.

    Unlike stage hypnosis, which uses things like swinging watches, special effects, and swirling spirals, I am certified in hypnotherapy. Hypnotherapy is a verified psychological tool which is used to induce a trance or meditation-like state in the subject being hypnotized. Once in this state, the hypnotist can then mold and change someone’s behaviors, thought patterns, wants, likes, dislikes, etc. by implanting ideas directly into their subconscious (the part of the mind which controls all of your base desires).

    According to the Stanford Hypnotic Susceptibility Scale, 95% of the population can be hypnotized with varying degrees of difficulty. I’ve personally never run into any of the 5% of people who can’t be hypnotized, and have found that most go under with medium to moderate effort. Since all sensations are perceived by the brain, I am even able to make my subjects feel things that aren’t really happening to them in the physical world. Even if they are thousands of miles away, my subjects can feel like I am physically with them, touching them, punishing them, etc. I can also leave post-hypnotic suggestions, causing them to want or no longer want certain things, or to make them go under more easily again the next time I hypnotize them. I can even make it so that they don’t have any recollection of the session itself, which is quite useful for certain fetishes…

    The Blackmail Fetish

    I think blackmail fetish was my first love in the femdom world. The way I approach blackmail starts with a session wherein I will discuss the sub’s limits, weekly tribute amount, time frame of the contract, buyout clause, additional add ons such as session or assignment requirements, etc. Then I will write up an individualized contract for the sub in question. he will agree to it and sign it, along with filling out his information and sending over any pictures or videos he might have of himself. That’s when the real fun starts…

    The money, of course, is wonderful. I receive weekly or monthly tributes from the sub being blackmailed. Many also enjoy financial domination, which means I can enjoy asking for more cash just to watch them squirm, knowing full well that if they don’t pay, then they will be exposed.

    What I enjoy most about blackmail fetish, though, is the control it affords me. I feel that blackmail fetish is really one of the few ways that distance domination can have real consequences.  Once I have a little information on a sub, I can easily use that to extract even more information, pictures, videos, social media passwords, anything I want! And they know that if they fail to provide, or don’t follow through on a task, or miss a tribute then I’ll just expose their pictures and information on my websites and social media for all the world to see.

    The threat of being outed is a huge motivator, and the risk can be extremely arousing for my subs. A lot of fetishes involve risky behavior, and what can be riskier than having your information and even face pictures of you performing humiliating acts on display to strangers? It’s especially damning when everyone knows you literally asked for it…

    How Do Subs Know That Femdom Suits Them?

    Really there are only two ways to determine if you are meant for submission. First is research. What type of porn really gets you going? If you like femdom porn, you might just be a submissive. However, fantasy and reality are often very different. Just because you like watching a sexy Mistress kick a sub in the balls until they’re black and blue doesn’t mean that you can handle actually being that sub.

    The best way to determine if you are built for a life of servitude to a Superior Goddess such as myself is to find someone you trust and give it a try. Start slow, don’t go all in for ball kicking on day one! Maybe start with something more simple, like spanking or light CBT, and if you like it, go from there. Try new things, see what you enjoy most and build on it. Never be afraid of saying, ‘this isn’t for me.’ Any good Domme will understand limits.

    Characteristics Of A Good Sub & Rules To Follow

    It really varies from Domme to Domme, but I know for myself, respect is key. Even if it is the first time you’re contacting me, do not use pet names like “baby” or “hey sexy.” If you’re thinking of serving Me as your Superior Goddess, act like it.

    Second is communication and honesty. Not everyone can complete every task or fulfill every desire for everyone, but everyone can communicate and be truthful about their own abilities, and can learn to take responsibility for their actions (or failure to act) without making excuses. If you know you can’t do something, say so. If you know you’re going to be out of town when we have something scheduled, let me know more ahead of time than the day of the session or tribute deadline.

    Lastly, my time is valuable. I am a professional. My subs will pay for my time. I am a fan of the idea that I first hear from Mixtrix – if you contact a woman for something that will be used to arouse you or get you off but refuse to pay her, you are looking for someone to use, not a Mistress to serve.

    Types Of Punishments For Subs Who Don’t Obey

    It really depends on each individual sub and their limits, likes, dislikes, and if we have a contract of some sort. The easiest is fees – the requirement of sending an extra tribute to make up for a failure is pretty standard and universal. Others include physical/pain punishments, being ‘grounded’ (not allowed to go out with friends or family for a certain time), general tasks (writing lines, etc), chores, being disallowed from sessioning with me for a certain time or until the issue is resolved, humiliating tasks, etc.

    If the offence is great enough, the sub will be blocked and his behavior will be posted on my website and Twitter for everyone to see so that any future Mistress who he approaches can search Google and see what he has done to one of his previous Mistresses.

    Other Hobbies Of Mine

    I’m an avid video gamer. I prefer survival horror and sandbox style games. I also enjoy most non-mainstream boardgames. I think Betrayal at House on the Hill is my favorite. For sports, I practice a lot of judo, and Brazilian jiujitsu. I do tight lacing and corset training on both myself and my slaves, particularly my sissies. I love baking, especially for those I care about as well, and enjoy crafting as well. I’ve also made and designed most of my websites, so web design I guess is a hobby of mine too.

    I love astronomy and art. I have the entire Northern hemisphere of constellations tattooed on my right arm. It is by far my favorite tattoo (so far three) and I plan to get my favorite nebula (the Orion Nebula, M42) tattooed on my left thigh. I also enjoy music, particularly singing. I have a piece of music from a friend who worked at the Renaissance Festival as a bard tattooed on my right thigh. I’m very passionate about art, particularly tattoos, and plan to have as many as possible. I have six currently.


    Mistress Kiara – I have been a Professional Dominatrix both online and in the real world since 2005. Currently residing in the lovely town of Ann Arbor, Michigan, I pride Myself on My vast knowledge of the fetish world, as well as My unique fetishes and portrayal there of. I prefer using a more intelligent and refined demeanor when dealing with My subs, rather than a bratty or bitchy approach.

    Follow Mistress Kiara on

    Main website & Blog: http://www.mistresskiarasdungeon.com

    Blackmail Fetish: http://www.blackmailfetish.com

    Rate My Tiny Penis: http://www.ratemytinypenis.com

    Pretty Punk Princesses:  http://www.prettypunkprincesses.com

    Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/DominaKiara

    Switter: https://switter.at/@DominaKiara

    Email: dominakiara@gmail.com

    Skype: GoddessKiara

    Amazon Wish list: http://amzn.com/w/3C5E4AZCW0649

    IWantClips Store: https://iwantclips.com/store/255/DominaKiara

    Kinkbomb Clip Store: http://www.kinkbomb.com/studio/dominakiara

    Clips4Sale Store: http://clips4sale.com/mistres-kiara-s-videos

    IWantPhone: https://iwantclips.com/phone/store/255/DominaKiara

    Custom Clips: https://iwantclips.com//custom_clip_orders/order/255

    Niteflirt: https://www.niteflirt.com/phonesex/root?crid=88x31_1&pid=14482539

    Upcoming Sites in 2018:

    Femdom Hypnosis Site: http://www.hypnofindomme.com

    Forced Intoxication Site: http://www.forcedintoxication.com

    Femdom Gaming: http://www.gamerdommes.com

    Everything My Feet: http://www.bestfeetfetish.com

    Femdom News: http://www.greedygoddesses.com

    Financial Domination: http://www.cashmistress.com


    Article images courtesy of Mistress Kiara, featured image courtesy of Shutterstock

    Like to be featured on SimplySxy? Drop us an email at editorial@SimplySxy.com!

     

  • A Beginners Guide To BDSM

    A Beginners Guide To BDSM

    Kink and alternative lifestyles are my lifeblood, if no one was freaky in bed and no one lived differently than the standard relationship, I’d be a sad girl. I’m very open minded to all kinks, whether it be feet or flogging, pain or punishment. I love to surprise people with this, because most don’t expect this from me.

    Why BDSM Appeals To Me

    What drew me into BDSM, and a large reason of why I believe it’s popular, is because it plays on control. For someone like me, who is in control of everything all the time, switching it up and letting someone else take the reigns and decide what to do is fun. It doesn’t hurt that I’m a bit of a masochist and giggle when flogged.

    Introducing BDSM To Someone New

    If I meet someone who is nervous, but wants to try BDSM, I’ll show them how to use the tools on them first, nice and light, just so they can feel how it’s supposed to go. For example, someone wanted to use my flogger on me, but has never used one before, I lightly flogged their backside, just barely enough to sting, next to a mirror, so they could see how I was swinging it as well.

    Tips For Beginners To Find Their Kink

    If you’re new to BDSM and trying to find your thing, I’d suggest trying a little bit of everything. If you already know pain isn’t for you, then I wouldn’t go trying electricity.

    If you know you love littles, I wouldn’t look for a Dominant MILF. Be open minded and if you try enough things (or watch enough porn), you’ll find your kink eventually!


    Aurora Roseris – Sweet ‘n’ kinky. I love nature, cooking, pain, and gaming. I can be a bratty sub or a cruel mistress, you decide.

    Follow Aurora on

    Twitter: https://twitter.com/auroraroseris


    Article images courtesy of Aurora Roseris

    Like to be featured on SimplySxy? Drop us an email at editorial@SimplySxy.com!

  • How To Train Your Slave Online

    How To Train Your Slave Online

    I adore the practice and play of BDSM. When practiced with a critical eye and consent – it is really an incredible way to experience life. I see BDSM as a safe space to push on the boundaries of our identities and our interactions with others. It can enable us to feel into our edges and recognise how to exist with them in a productive and enriching way.

    Personally, BDSM has helped me to explore aspects of myself that society has shunned – my personality as a dominant female to be specific. It has helped me to frame it in a way that I accept and that is accepted and even enjoyed by others.

    What Is Slave Training

    BDSM slave training is the process of ‘training’ a submissive into a role of service – namely, the role of what is termed a ‘slave’ in BDSM. The actual process is always different depending on the preferences of the Dominant party. But essentially it’s familiarising a submissive with the protocols, behaviour and preferences of the Dominant – in order for the submissive to function to serve or please the Dominant in the best way possible.

    Appeal Of Online Slave Training

    I have created an online slave training program and filmed slave training video clips because it enables me to reach a much wider audience. An audience that may never have had the chance to session with me in person. It also provides a bridge for many who may be wary of meeting a Domme in real time. For them to get an experience and a better understanding of what it is like to serve someone well versed in the art of Domination. It also provides an extension of knowledge for those who are practicing real time. A chance for them to get to know me, from anywhere.

    I really adore slave training because I find real value in seeing my submissives grow into my desires – and into becoming more self-aware and considered beings as a result of their service. It is much more fulfilling for me to see them grow rather than to cater to individual fetishes or kinks. I am also a Lifestyle Domme (where D/s is a natural joy to me); and I’m also a bit of a protocol fetishist – which suits slave training and behaviour modification perfectly.

    Training My Slaves Online

    All submissives can join my slave training program at youwillpleaseme.com; which has daily tasks, courses, images and videos to guide you into your slavery to me. There are different levels all the way from learning how to dream over my images, to making a commitment to my slave agreement.

    Submissives can also watch my slave training Femdom video clips – which feature instructions on different kinks such as foot worship and strap on training…

    My Expectations Of Slaves

    I have a whole slave agreement that goes through many points hah.

    But essentially the thing I prize above everything else is honesty – to myself and their own selves. It is important that subs come with either an awareness of where they are at (emotionally, psychologically, intellectually, financially); or that they are ready to start looking at themselves under my guidance.

    Without this you are not the sub/slave-in-training for me. I enjoy my slaves to be self-aware or on the path towards it. This makes for the most sustainable and strongest slaves. Slaves that can bring as much to the relationship as I will.

    I understand that this can sound intimidating for new submissives – but that is why I have different courses. They allow different personalities at different stages to feel out what service might be like – whichever stage they are at or interested in.

    Things To Consider Before Being A Slave

    It is good to be aware that every Dominant will have their own nature and therefore every relationship will be different.

    With this in mind, it is good to do your research – feel out the personality of your Dominant before you approach them (if you can). Or take your time to get to know their personality, priorities and preferences before making any long term commitments.

    Also, don’t beat yourself up if it doesn’t work out. It might not be the right Dominant for you – or, you might not be as submissive as you thought. BDSM is about exploring the potential of human personality and sexuality – don’t limit yourself to roles or activities as best you can.


    Mistress Eva – Mistress Eva is a lifestyle Domme with an accomplished past in professional domination. A classically trained Dominatrix, Mistress Eva has toured the world since 2012. She is now semi-retired in the tropics, runs an online slave training platform (youwillpleaseme.com), films XXX Femdom videos and owns a stable of international personal slaves. She meets them and other potential recruits once a month in cities worldwide.

    Follow Mistress Eva on

    Online slave training: youwillpleaseme.com

    Hong Kong Domme: hongkongdomme.com

    Singapore Domme: singaporedomme.com

    Twitter: twitter.com/youwillpleaseme

    Instagram: instagram.com/youwillpleaseme


    Article images courtesy of Mistress Eva, featured image courtesy of Shutterstock

    Like to be featured on SimplySxy? Drop us an email at editorial@SimplySxy.com!

  • Introduction To Fetishes With Apricot Pitts

    Introduction To Fetishes With Apricot Pitts

    Regarding the BDSM lifestyle and alternative relationship structure, I think it should go without saying that as long as both adults are happy and consenting then they should be free to explore their sexuality to whatever extreme they see fit. Eroticism and orgasm are some of the wordly experiences that should be purely pleasurable, and we shouldn’t feel shame or remorse when it comes to exploring these aspects of our personality! Our brains are hard-wired to seek out sex, the least we can do for ourselves is make the sex weird and enjoyable!

    My Love For Fetishes

    My interest in fetishes really started sprouting around puberty, as it probably does for most people who have access to the internet. There are even some role plays and kinks I can remember thinking about in elementary school (before I knew what sex and sexuality were). In my young adulthood, watching and reading about different events, places, and inherently sexualizing those themes even if they weren’t sexual in nature. Certain types of imagery and roles have always processed as being something erotic to me. And being a conventionally attractive blonde girl, I never had a shortage of boy toys to experiment with. I guess I was simultaneously born Mommy’s little angel and a filthy hedonistic pervert!

    Common Fetish Misconceptions

    There’s a plethora of misinformation surrounding the kink lifestyle and BDSM relationships. I think that stems from a combination of puritanical fear-mongering and previous generations of kinksters choosing to keep the lifestyle underground. This allowed a game-of-telephone effect to occur, where the out group created rumors based out of fear and the in group didn’t have incentive to argue. I guess a good start to breaking these misconceptions is to become more open minded and reject this societal War on Sex and Sex Education. The more we learn about our sexuality, the more we have learned about ourselves and our uniqueness.

    Favorite Fetishes Of Mine

    As for my favorite fetishes, the list is always growing! And since I identify as a Switch (meaning I like to play as a Dominant/giving role as well as a submissive/receiving role), there is room for even more detail and specific fetishes to develop. We would be here all day if I talked about all of my favorite kinks, but I’ll pick a few here.

    Bondage, ropes, chains and predicament bondage; Goddess worship, body worship; male chastity and tease+denial; sensory deprivation; CLOTHES PINS EVERYWHERE; humiliation and objectification, mind fuckery, fear play; puppy/animal play; service submission and protocol; and of course a good ol’ fashioned OTK spanking!

    How To Ensure Safety In Fetish Play

    Absolutely it’s important to set safety measures and protocol to ensure all parties involved are always safe, sane, and consensual. One of the most important is to clearly negotiate before you play. This is the phase where you express your fetishes, likes and dislikes, talk about what experiences you’ve had, any medical issues your partner needs to know, and communicate what your safe words are and what your aftercare looks like.

    A “safe word,” meaning–ideally–a simple one-syllable word/noun that would stick out if the person said it. I think the most common used is the traffic light system of green, yellow, red. Green would mean that you are enjoying yourself and want to continue. Yellow can be used a few different ways but they all boil down to “wait and check in with me” Let’s say you’re receiving a spanking and you’re having a great time and don’t want the whole scene to wrap up, but your pain tolerance is hitting its limit. You can say “Yellow” and specify anything else about why you said yellow. Like, “Yellow, spank me a little…… lower down/softer/slower/different paddle/implement/etc” Or another example “Yellow, the wrist cuffs are feeling tight now, in the next 1-2 minutes we should readjust” It’s normal and healthy for someone to say yellow while they’re playing! These are both from the perspective of a submissive but Doms can say yellow as well.

    We engage in BDSM to enjoy ourselves, so whenever you find yourself not enjoying the play or you’re thinking “Can we be over with this by now?” we communicate using safe words! The last word “red” means probably what you’d imagine–“Stop, I want to stop playing like that.” This ties in with aftercare, which is comparable to cuddling after sex in regards to how it affects your neurochemistry. For some people, aftercare is giving each other a hug, smoking a cigarette, snuggling together w a soft blanket and eating chocolate, and it should always include both people drinking water. It’s also important to give feedback and share together what you enjoyed and didn’t.


    Apricot – True pervert and traveling fetishist, Apricot is currently based out of Los Angeles at Sanctuary LAX. She has immersed herself with the BDSM culture and the free expression it’s bestowed on sex workers and citizens of all types. Traveling as a fetish performer and pro-Switch has been a lifelong dream made into reality. Being able to meet so many people united together by kink at BDSM expos across the country has become a huge motivator. She participates monthly with Club Anarchy hosted at Sanctuary LAX, a prominent spanko model and attends numerous spanking parties across the USA. Her passion for filming and producing content with other independent sex workers is flourishing as traveling has allowed her to engage with so many talented models and educators.

    Follow Apricot on

    Twitter: @ApricotPitts

    Instagram: @ApricotPitts

    Fetlife: @ApricotPitts

    I’m traveling a lot this upcoming year, including Dallas, Houston, NYC and Philly in first half of June, Oslo SusCon in Norway, and FetCon in FL. There’s more info all over my Twitter/social media, and feel free to email me at apricotjuices@gmail.com with questions and requests or if you’d like to collab.


    Images courtesy of Apricot Pitts

    Like to be featured on SimplySxy? Drop us an email at editorial@SimplySxy.com!

  • How To Have Rough Sex And Love It

    How To Have Rough Sex And Love It

    I’m a very open person towards sex. For me, sex and love are absolutely not connected with one another. As the English so wonderful say, we make love… or… we just had sex! I see no reason to be jealous of my partner for having sex with someone else.

    Sex is some game you have to find pleasure in. Each person will have his/her preferences. It always should be very exciting. The first kiss you have, you will always remember, but it will not be exciting anymore.

    In that way, one will evolve in its preferences and experiments. As I’m a real physical person, I have developed a real high standard and often it surprises me that people are not ready for some actions. However each and everyone needs to follow his own way and discover it!

    Why I Love It Rough

    I absolutely do not like vanilla and romantic sex. I do love cuddling and kissing with my partner, that is love, not sex.

    Rough for me is brutal, kidnapping, rape, BDSM, bondage, blindfolding, just name it! I do like to feel that someone really takes me. It is most exiting when you don’t know what is coming up to you. To feel your clothes ripped roughly from your body, hands all over you, items you don’t know what they are being used.

    There is so much to explore and sometimes there are sessions which I like more and others less… that is part of the experience. Getting cocks pushed inside you (mouth or arse) and really rough pounding forces, until they unload gives me a real thrill. I could go on here for hours but I think it will be wise to dig deeper into some subjects later on.

    Ways To Get Started 

    Get a video, or watch someone else having it first. In the hetero scene, there are clubs who will give initiation days so you can see and not have to participate.

    For the gay scene sex, it is so much easier to find and to discover. If you get exited about the imagination, you most certainly must find out more about it.

    See the movie 50 shades… it’s also new to her but actually she loves it. So set aside your good moral education and let it go, you’ll see where you end up.

    (I always love to end up tied up and blindfolded in a sling)

    Props To Use

    The feeling of leather or rubber is really wonderful but I also love the feeling of ropes, chains and of course a lot of toys on my skin. Blindfolds make it extra exciting, and a mouth gags makes you drool. Whips, clamps, candle wax, needles etc give you pain in a most fantastic way.

    A pain that gives me a rock hard cock. By the way, I mostly wear a cock ring during sex, but I also love to wear it in my suit during work.

    Electro-sex is great fun to, you never know when a shock comes, it makes you nervous and it helps in edging. Edging is a real torture. A master teases you, plays with your genitals until you are about to come, and than stops you from shooting the load….

    The click of a camera makes it all even more exiting but I guess that is my exhibition site showing.

    Ensuring Safe Rough Play

    BDSM or rough sex is always based on trust!

    Get to know your master or sub well before you start giving yourself over to him/her.

    For masters, there are really good education possibilities. Mind that you are playing with a body and a person who is gonna scream and cry, and you have to know when to stop. If you do bondage, feel frequently on the feet and hands that they do not become cold!

    A lot of things can be real dangerous if not done right, for example inserting a needle in a nipple can infect the sub with diseases.

    Know what you are doing and how fast you can go.

    You will not get a fist inside your arse without a real training programme that will take some months.

    Kinking Up Rough Sex

    Don’t keep it in your own bedroom… go out, have sex at a club, in a dungeon, etc. This is a really tough question for me to answer. I’m so advanced that there is not much new to find out about. And most games seem to be like normal to me. I guess finding other sex partners or more at the same time will give you more different feelings.

    For me it is starting up a great foreplay. When I know I will go out to a club, I prepare myself mostly the day before. Wearing ball stretchers, a cock ring and butt plug under my suit at work… it makes me hotter and hotter. I once went to a meeting with an electric remote controlled butt plug up my arse. I was not wearing any underwear and I did not know when the thing would be turned on.

    When it turned on it made me so exited and rock hard that I’m sure some of my colleagues must have seen my boner. The chock end vibration of the plug is not to be hidden either.

    At the end I would like to tell you to use your imagination… It’s all between the ears before it gets into the body


    Sebastian Rolls – Just a normal guy in a suit with some real kinky feeling. I just love to talk and fantasize about sex games and of course to play them out. I do speak fluent English, Spanish, French, Dutch and German. I love making porn, It does not pay the bills but it is so great to do. Just the idea some people getting exited over you is so hot!

    Follow Sebastian Rolls on

    Twitter: @sebastian_rolls

    Websites:

    https://www.recon.com/rolls

    https://www.planetromeo.com/#/profile/adoremus

    https://www.dm-movies.com/gay

    http://dudesnude.com/show.php?id=1257889&profile_view=1&window_depth=&


    Article image courtesy of Sebastian Rolls, featured image courtesy of Shutterstock

    Like to be featured on SimplySxy? Drop us an email at editorial@SimplySxy.com!

  • How To Get Started Into BDSM

    How To Get Started Into BDSM

    “The principal of individualism is actually related to the Devilish element, insofar as the latter represents a separation from the divine within the totality of nature.”

    Marie-Louise von Franz

    I recognize individuation as a basic human need. We are compelled to express our unique perspective, along with our collective and tribal identities. To distinguish ourselves as separate, yet part of a larger group. These dynamics are often conflicted, yet mutually necessary. Kink and alternative lifestyles help to solve for this paradox in a way that’s playful and deeply symbolic. In BDSM, the individual is upheld as a crucial part of the whole. It shows us that we can be separate yet cohesive with others. Differentiating the self from the group feels dangerous, rebellious, and alluring. There’s a feral, elemental quality to that sort of selfishness. We play out these specific roles in BDSM, which are often polarizing. The tension between opposition and unity generates the entire experience. It’s through acting out and exploring specific identities, that S&M can thrive.

    Kink also fosters a space where we’re able to share and honor the taboo or hidden parts of ourselves with others. Through S&M, we embrace what makes us different, even transgressive. In the mundane day to day we often repress or contain certain impulses because they are socially unacceptable. This can actually become a mental disorder in extreme cases. Yet in the realm of (safe, consensual) BDSM, we are free to embrace those darker, weird, or perverted aspects of the self and put them to use constructively. Acting out our lower natures in an intentional way, instead of disowning part of what makes us human. I find it can be intensely therapeutic, and liberating. That kind of opportunity is hard to come by.

    The Appeal Of BDSM

    Alternative lifestyle and kink is considered “fringe” or a niche portion of society. Yet it’s actually an incredibly complex realm of possibility. It can take on so many different meanings and interpretations. Which really grants each person the opportunity to make it their own. I think this really appeals to our artistic impulses. Not everyone identifies as a traditional artistic type. Yet kink offers adults the chance to become playful and creative with each other.

    Its recent popularity in mainstream culture does not come as a surprise to me. Social media and entertainment thrive on trends and provocative imagery. The unique quality that BDSM presents makes a thrilling contribution to our over sexed media. We’ve become largely desensitized to risqué content, so the emergence of kink effectively reigns in our short attention spans. At least for now. On a more subtle level, I think it also serves as a catalyst for us to work out our collective issues with power dynamics. There’s a lot of conflict and division apparent in our culture today, and I view BDSM as a metaphor to help address these issues.

    Types Of BDSM I’m Into

    I’m asked this question fairly often. Overall, I’m a Sapiosexual, I like to know what makes people tick, and how to push their buttons with exacting precision. Though I act out more of a dominant role in BDSM, I would actually consider myself to be a pleaser. I truly enjoy facilitating for others and taking creative control. Ironically, it’s my natural passion for serving others which makes me a compelling dominant. My empathy and concern allows for me to intuit what they desire and fear. Which is incredibly beneficial when tasked with controlling and directing a scene. It’s an honor to be entrusted with responsibility, secrets, and fantasies in this way. Kink has taught me a great deal about human sexuality, instincts, artistry, timing and communication.

    Introducing Kink To Someone New

    When introducing someone to kink, I always encourage open communication before, during, and after the session. This helps to create a collaborative experience versus one you’re being subjected to. It also helps to lay down a foundation for future scenes by carefully exploring boundaries on the first few occasions. A bit of nervous tension is to be expected when working with a new partner, or trying a new technique. Even for those who are veterans of kink. The key is to transmute that anxiety, into excitement. BDSM is supposed to be exhilarating, provocative, and a bit risky. Having that sense of anticipation actually helps to build a memorable scene.

    If any excessive tension arises, we can balance the energy with sensual activities such as body worship, tickling, tease and denial, massage, or simply taking a break. My approach is always to start simple, with increasing intensity as the scene progresses. It’s better to be patient and methodical, because once you violate a boundary, it can be difficult to come back from. Better to be overly cautious and to build anticipation, than to over exert and ruin the scene. When I meet with curious new clients, I typically suggest starting with really light fetish and BDSM methods. If they have something a bit more extreme in mind, I view it as a goal we can work toward, or start

    Tips For Beginners To Get Started

    Initiation into BDSM can be a bit daunting because there are so many facets to explore. The most satisfying approach I’ve been able to discern, is to lead with your desired feeling state. Ask yourself, “How do I want this experience to make me feel?”. Then find corresponding activities that are likely to elicit those emotional responses. This may require some experimentation, but by leading with the desired feeling state— you’re more likely to discover what truly appeals to you. To help narrow this down, define keywords that resonate with you. Such as, I want to feel powerful, feminine, manipulative, overwhelmed, insatiable, worshipped, owned, vulnerable, sadistic, humiliated, or objectified. By having each partner select several points of focus you can flesh out a simple plot to satisfy these cravings. This process is half the fun in my opinion, because it requires collaborative effort and ingenuity. Using your imagination to craft a scene like this is quite intimate, and yields better results versus a scene filled with kink for the sake of being sensational.

    I’d like to add that over time our desires naturally evolve and expand. So kink can be an ongoing inquiry into what inspires and motivates us at any stage in life. It’s best to keep an open mind, you may surprise yourself. When I was a student of the visual arts, we were frequently tasked with drawing live models. In order to better understand the overall process, we were also tasked with modeling. Switching roles grants the artist with a dual perspective— of both the viewer and the viewed. The result is a better drawing and a better model. This same wisdom applies to kink— embrace role reversals. Try everything at least twice. Don’t be afraid to experiment, and fail. Nothing is a waste, and challenging yourself to try something new will always prove illuminating. Many reputable Dungeons require providers in training to first serve as subs before being entrusted as a top. This cultivates a healthy respect for the tools, timing, limits, and what it feels like to be vulnerable. First hand experience is always the best teacher.


    Arden Adamz – Arden Adamz aka Sydni Luxe is a Dominatrix, Erotic Consultant, and Writer based in Philadelphia. With over a decade of experience in the Adult industry, she’s currently writing a How-To book for those interested in sex work. Private consultations and coaching are available via webcam or live at her studio in Philadelphia, PA.

    Follow Arden on

    Twitter: https://twitter.com/arden_xoxo

    Email: sydniluxe@gmail.com


    Images courtesy of Arden Adamz

    Like to be featured on SimplySxy? Drop us an email at editorial@SimplySxy.com!