I think kink and alternative lifestyles are amazing, especially if you’re someone who wants to change up their sex life. There are so many BDSM activities, fetishes, role-play scenarios and fantasies you can explore. There’s really something for everyone. Kink can promote open-mindedness and awaken your sexual deviance . Studies have even shown that kinky sex can benefit your health and your relationship.
Photo: Marshall Bradford
How My BDSM Interest Began
My interest came about in early high school when I started perusing erotic novels at the bookstore. The only ones that did it for me were the books that had sadomasochistic undertones. I loved reading about women who gained pleasure from pain and the strong, hunky men who loved inflicting it.
After that, I joined sites and forums dedicated to the subject. When I found my first play partner, I dove in head first and surrendered myself completely. The vanilla life I once knew was gone and I was more than happy to wave it goodbye.
Photo: Marshall Bradford
Favorite BDSM Activities
My favorite activities are breath and impact play. Breath play is pretty simple, it’s the restriction of you or your partners’ oxygen. You can do this in a multitude of ways. I enjoy choking and plastic bags the most. I find it to be incredibly thrilling to know my life is literally in someone else’s hands.
Impact play is spanking, slapping, punching, flogging, paddling, caning, etc. When it comes to this fetish, it’s go hard or go home for me. I want to be beaten to tears and reduced to bruises and welts. Gives me a sense of accomplishment to push my boundaries and limits.
Tools Every Beginner Should Have
Thinking back on my first “starter kit”, I had a small flogger, a wooden paddle, drip candles, handcuffs, anal beads and plugs, nipple clamps, silk ties, a blindfold and an assortment of gags. Not all of those are necessary but they’re good tools for beginners.
Take It To The Next Level!
For someone who wants to take it to the next level I would recommend Shibari rope, violet wands and E-stim devices, nipple or genital pumps, sounds, ben-wa balls, speculums, and strap-ons. If you really want to look like a pro, invest in some furniture. Saint Andrew’s crosses, spanking benches, swings, etc can be fun additions to the bedroom.
Making BDSM Safe & Fun
In order to make it safe, there has to be trust and communication first and foremost. Secondly, you need to know your stuff. Do some research, watch some videos, talk to experienced kinksters and then give it a go.
As for the fun part, that’s up to you. Do whatever feels right, try something that makes you uncomfortable because it may surprise you, or try it with multiple partners. It’s your fantasy, you direct it.
Paige Pierce– Paige Pierce is an adult performer whose expertise lies in the BDSM and fetish, but is versatile in all genres. She won Fetish Con’s “Best Female Fetish Performer” in 2016. You can find some of her scenes on websites such as: Kink.com, Insex.com, Assylum.com, FetishPros.com, Subbygirls.com and Femaleworship.com.
Honestly … something really amazing is that most of the people I know that partake in such kinky lifestyles are free … I feel extremely sad for those who have to lie/hide from the partners their true self…
How I Started As A Dominatrix
I met a wonderful Jewish accountant on a dating website .. he was extremely kinky and I indeed extremely curious. We dated for 4 years but I wanted more. Together we decided that I ought to learn from a professional and I went searching for one. She adored me and saw how natural I was and invited me to work with her every Thursday. I found my truly calling and I’m now 16 years as a true BDSM artisan and Femdom Educator.
Collection Of Props & Equipment
Ha ha .. I have a PVC dress, PVC heels and a strap-on. Now I have two apartments and a villa kitted out with at least half million pounds worth of BDSM equipment and toys etc……..
Is an understanding of kink and fetishes important to being a Dominatrix?
OF course …how can a doctor treat a patient if he doesn’t have the knowledge? My kinks, I had to experiment on myself so I could understand them. For others, I asked fellows Dominatrices to instruct me while others just made sense to me … otherwise I invented myself haha.
Characteristics Of A Good Dominatrix
A good listener, non-judgemental, being truly open minded…
Things A Dominatrix Never Does
SEX. Domination is the art of BDSM. Having sex with clients spoils the dynamics, but if between couples, I honestly believe all goes.
Madame Caramel– UK leading Dominatrix, international renowned, with slaves from London to Dubai.
I primarily see sex as something playful and fun! I’m kind of obsessed with it actually, which is part of the reason I do it for work. It’s fascinating and vulnerable and it reveals a great deal; not only how we feel about each other but also how we feel about ourselves, the kinds of experiences we’ve had in the past, our preferences, our “go-to’s etc. It also has a tendency to get intense and complicated, but I prefer it as it’s awkward and adorable recreational phase.
I was lucky enough to have my earliest sexual experiences be queer, therefore there was no real precedent for what sex was supposed to look like. Queer sex has allowed me to be open-minded in terms of how sex is defined, what my “role” is, and by hooking up with people with diverse gender and sexual identities, I have been able to try new things and find out what turns me on. This has been valuable, and allows me to see sex as an intimate interaction with many possibilities, rather than a predictable script I’m supposed to follow.
I empathize a lot with people, especially straight women, who are brought up to see themselves as sexual objects rather than sexual subjects. We’ve come a long way in terms of sexual empowerment but it’s important to recognize that men and women are often not on an equal playing field when it comes to things like prioritizing their desire, having multiple sexual partners, and dealing with issues such as sexual health, safety and the possibility of pregnancy. That being said, I find it incredible when women find ways to take power into their own hands, find partners who respect them, and get to engage in super hot, fun sex. That’s what I’m trying to do.
How Adding Kink Spices Sex Up
Kink is any kind of “unconventional sexual practice or preference”, outside the realm of conventional or “vanilla” sex. Some people define their entire sex lives by their kinks, so much that it becomes a lifestyle choice and subculture. Others merely experiment and are lucky enough to find some fun weird shit they enjoy!
Personally I see incorporating kink into sex as a form of play. It changes things up, it pushes you outside your comfort zone, it allows you to think about pleasure differently and taps into parts of yourself you aren’t necessarily familiar with. For example, maybe you’re really into fluids, or feet, or fucking in some private bushes of a public park. These things may sound silly, but trust me, sometimes all it takes is the right time and the partner to really bring a certain kink to the surface. And if you’re curious, why not try it? Sex should be fun right?
Playing with power is a popular form of kink, and one that I engage in often. Taking total control or giving it up entirely during sex may feel counter-intuitive at first, but again, find the right person and you may discover you love to be teased, tortured or tied up. Or alternatively, that you have a penchant for making your partner sweat and breathlessly speculate about what’s coming next.
Try Incorporating Sensual Domination
Sensual domination is a spin-off from the classical Dom/sub relationship which focuses more on the sensual side of power and prioritizes pleasure. People often think of BDSM as “whips and chains”, a latex-clad figure using a burning-hot cattle-prod to poke at a restrained victim. It doesn’t always have to be like that! (Though personally I’m not opposed, just say the word).
Sensual domination does not seek to humiliate, torture, and degrade the sub, but rather positions the sub as a precious pet or plaything. It pushes buttons without pushing boundaries. There’s many ways to do sensual domination, I personally get a lot of requests by clients to perform a dominant role, I’m not sure if it’s because of my height, my look, or whether it’s obvious that I have a bit of a dominant streak. I’ve found a way to make sensual domination my own, which is a blend of the vanilla and classical BDSM services I also offer. In this role I position myself as princess, and try to encourage a sort of reverence in my subs, by handling them firmly, restricting their sight while playing with their hair and running my fingers down their necks, pressing myself against them and forcing them to explore and to worship every part of of my body, from my toes up to my neck.
It’s drawn out, it’s indulgent, it’s sexy. It’s 100% all about chemistry. I find a lot of my subs want to experience the feeling of gender role reversal, and being guided into sexual activity as an object of pleasure, without having to overthink or perform. I’ve come to really enjoy bossing someone around when they are so turned on they can’t think clearly, and are thus very determined to please me. Full disclosure that I’m a bit of a selfish Domme, but in any case it keeps them coming back, and it’s a lot of fun.
Ways To Introduce Kink For The Uninitiated
Start small. Remember that “kink” is an umbrella term which encompasses innumerable sexual practices, so it’s not like you can mess up or do it wrong. You could start by fantasizing and asking yourself honestly whether there’s anything, any kind of practice or porn that peaks your interest.
Are you interested in playing with power? Try to imagine yourself in both dominant and submissive roles. You don’t need to go out and purchase a latex catsuit and a cat-o-nine-tails to try and impress anyone. So much of kink is psychological anyway!
Communicate your interest in kink to your partner, and see if you can find some compatibility. Get creative and look for compromises. Your partner may not be ready to enact a consensual kidnapping and keep you restrained and isolated for hours; however they could potentially be down to engage in a bit of dirty talk. Take your time, don’t rush things. Watch porn for research, but don’t compare yourself to it. Find ways to do kink your own way, and don’t take yourself too seriously! Focus on chemistry.
Follow These Do’s & Don’ts
Here are just a few…
Do give things a try, even if it feels silly/seems unusual!
Assuming you’ve found someone you feel safe with, why not put yourself out of your comfort zone and try something new? You might be surprised at the things you enjoy, especially if it’s something your partner has expressed interest in.
Do communicate extensively.
Try and be honest about your likes and dislikes, what you’re interested in, not interested in, and what you’d like to try. Try not to succumb to the pressure to make yourself edgier or more experienced than you are. You don’t need to whip out a list of scandalous fetishes in order to be desirable or interesting. You are desirable and interesting regardless of what your preferences are! Try to focus instead on discovering compatibility and giving yourself space to experience things in the right time. Check in with your partner after and see how you both felt.
Don’t automatically assume that your partner shares your tastes for kink.
For example, I actually have quite a few male friends who have confessed to me that they feel uncomfortable when their female partners have asked them to be dominant, and that choking and slapping their feminine partners just doesn’t sit well with them. Just because your partner is male doesn’t mean he wants to be aggressive! Having an honest conversation about your fantasies and preferences is a good way to start. Compromise is always possible, but make sure you give your partner space to let you know if and when a certain practice makes them feel uncomfortable.
Don’t forget to be safe!
BDSM enthusiasts: If you’re using equipment, make sure you know how to use it properly. If your partner wants to be choked or treated roughly, make sure you research how to do it in the correct way and have a safe-word. Practice consent always. Don’t forget to check-in with your partner regularly. Engage in some after-care!
Zoe Geovanna – Zoe Geovanna is an independent escort and fetish provider based in Berlin. She’s performed for Erika Lust, had a brief and glamorous career as a dancer, and is generally willing to try anything once. She’s toured nine different countries in the last couple of years and doesn’t see herself stopping anytime soon. Her interests include nostalgic stripper-jams, covering her entire body in coconut oil, and sexworkers rights. She hopes to someday purchase a Mediterranean villa where workers around the world can come, kick back, and make jokes around the campfire whilst sipping Prosecco.
It’s the dead of the night with no one around for miles and miles. You’re standing in the middle of a darkened room with absolutely nothing on, alone, barefooted and cold waiting for me to appear.
Your heart is racing out of your chest in anticipation, your warm breath vanishes, and then suddenly you freeze. Something catches your attention, you can sense it moving in closer but you can’t make out what it is. The darkness throws you, even though I’ve taught you to embrace it.
An involuntary shiver shoots through your nerve endings and fizzes around your stomach. You twitch as you feel the cramp and attempt to compose yourself but I’m already behind you.
I suddenly appear behind you with a chill. My fangs sharp, poised, hovering over your neck. Am I fully human or part beast? You question yourself due to my unhinged animalistic nature. I could devour you right here and no one would ever know, and you’d let me.
The room shifts and suddenly you feel the force of gravity pin your body down. You’re on a bed with no end, no sides, stretching into the distance of endless ripples.
I whisper softly in your ear but you’re frozen, although not by fear, but obedience. Instinctively, you submit signaled by the accentuated arch in your back. I can sense how wet you are, I know you want me to fuck you until you pass out. I know you want it all – Don’t you. So fucking say so, tell me.
“I want you in my veins so bad it hurts, Sir”, you say, but you daren’t look me in the eyes. You want me all over you, fucking your mind completely, leaving you never quite the same. The old you is dead, your spirit is unleashed, finally rid of the shackles of judgment. You are now awoken by intense arousal, full of dark lustful power.
Trained in the art of submission, you long for my touch to set you free. Can you feel my mental vibrations gently stroking your clit? Yes, I know you can. I’ve put a spell on you, you can’t resist, can’t say no, you’re completely owned. It’s time to open your mind and soar with me above the limitations of the physical plane.
A featherlike touch caresses the side of your neck and you inhale my essence. You want to feel me, you’re craving the release you’ve been denied for so long. Feel me in you, on you, throughout. Breath, relax and open up your mind. Let my words follow the contours of your body and then take me in.
That’s right, deeper, deeper, deeper still until you can feel me in the depths of your soul.
Your yoni is dripping wet but your body is still, only the exhalation of frustrated tones penetrate the air. I grab you by the neck and squeeze, and squeeze, ever tighter. You second-guess yourself for a moment because you know you’re powerless, unable to resist as my grip tightens around your throat.
Now your oxygen supply is completely cut and your becoming light headed. All the blood rushes to your face. You start to lose consciousness but I bring you back to the light with vengeance. Finally, I allow you to gasp for air. Your bloodshot eyes ping open, and almost instantly you feel the hard sting of my slap on your face. You’ve momentarily forgotten the rules and you’ve allowed yourself to slip.
Then everything stops. You know it’s not acceptable and I require more. Without saying a word I can hear you ask for forgiveness. I caress the side of your face, kiss you softly; you’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen, do you know that?
“Thank you, Sir, I am what you want me to be”, you tell me, blushing with sexual energy and tension.
Then I take you under, your eyes roll back in your head as gravity takes over again. Can you feel these words gently massaging your clit? Yes, you can, I can see that; but this time it’s even more intense, even more potent.
You can feel me slowly moving around inside your pussy. Stroking your insides up and down with the tip of my finger. Do you like that? Does it feel good? Do you want more?
You release another groan, this time more frustrated than the last. Panting like a cornered gazelle about to be eaten. Good, let it out, give in and let the darkness take over. You’ve lived your whole life never knowing this place even existed. And now look at you, you’re hocked, you want me, you need me; I am your thoughts.
Your body and mind belong to me now, to do with as I please. Shall I let you release your orgasm into the ether? Or should I let it swirl around and round that pretty little head of yours? Hum, what do you want? Tell me…
“I want you Sir” you exhale, laden with anguish. Your feet are moving back and forth, straightening the sheets as you try to control yourself to no avail. You release a teardrop despite your eyes still being closed. I’m on top of you, our warm bodies charged like atoms ready to combust.
Your entire body is now consumed by my energy; we are connected, we are one. My soft words caress every inch of your insides like no one else. I’m so deep inside, all you can do is lie there and tremble. Your mind is racing and you want to cum so badly but you know your orgasm belongs to me. I decide when and how you release, if at all.
Your orgasm feeds my soul, this is why I nurture you so, this is why you are always in a constant state of arousal. And now you are losing control, slow it down baby, slow it down, that’s better, good girl, hold it, breathe in, now exhale through your stomach and let it emanate outwards, down your thighs and all the way to your toes. You’ve never experienced anything like this before but you instinctively know this is how it’s supposed to feel. This is what’s been missing.
You are now levitating, your body is in spasms; I’ve possessed you. You can no longer hold the urge to release and you beg for permission. Again, a hard sting hits the side of your face and you recoil – another tear falls. Don’t fucking speak, I want you to let it completely take over your body, let these words fuck you. Deeper, deeper, deeper still, so deep all you can do is surrender to my voice.
It’s so intense your stomach is weak from the constant muscle cramps. You lose all sense of ‘YOUR’ reality as you enter mine. I’ve sworn a sacred oath to nurture and mould you into the Phoenix you are destined to be. Now rise from the ashes and drench me in your essence. Don’t hold back, let it go, I want it all over me, everywhere, dripping wet with your juices.
As you lay shaking on the bed, I’m left in awe of your pure unfiltered release. You bathe me with cosmic energy potent enough to nourish the world. This is why I nurture you; this is why I invest in you so completely.
This is why I own you.
Note:
If you’d like to develop a much deeper understanding of mental Domination and submission you can download a copy of my ebook below:
I think most of us crave partners who make us feel fulfilled. Sex is a crucial aspect of intimate relationships, and not being honest about your needs eventually makes those relationships (and consequently oneself) miserable!
Giving my personal desires and fantasies room to develop in my personal relationships was the first step I ever took in the direction of improving my overall mental health.
After just a little bit of research into BDSM I suddenly found a whole new world of possibilities open to me. I discovered that my deepest urges and desires that I had been subconsciously (and sometimes consciously) repressing had names and definitions. It was so gratifying and affirming. Most importantly I developed this knowledge within the BDSM community – by going to events and immersing myself in the culture of consent and sex advocacy and education. That community offered a level of safety and accountability that I simply wouldn’t have had access to without meeting other people and attending local events.
As long as it’s safe, sane, consensual and risk-aware, I believe that kinks and/or fetishes are way more common than people might think, and a totally normal aspect of human sexuality!
What Is Rope Bondage
Rope bondage – the art of binding (usually a person) with rope – can be anything you want it to be. From soft and sensual to practical to sadomasochistic. It can be purely performative or an intensely emotional experience. It all depends on the type of rope used and the method that’s employed. It has its roots in ancient Japan where it was used as a method of torture and incarceration. Some of the same ties are used today in rope bondage to inflict both pleasure and pain.
Misconceptions About Rope Bondage
There seems to be confusion about whether it’s sexual or not and if it isn’t – what’s the appeal? To answer that, it can be sexual, but it doesn’t have to be. Again that’s all depending on what kind of rope bondage people are doing. If they’re doing practical / bedroom bondage the feeling of being restrained while receiving pleasure (or pain if that’s your thing) can really heighten the intensity. Add to that the fact that unlike cuffs and tape, rope itself can be formed around the body in such a way so as to increase pressure on certain areas of the body which can also be pleasurable. I personally haven’t heard of anyone reaching an orgasm simply by being tied up without any other external stimulation. But I suppose that’s possible too.
It also doesn’t have to involve sex, and can live in a sort of grey area where enduring such high physical intensity causes your brain to release endorphins which gives you a feeling of euphoria – like a runners high. There’s also oxytocin (the “love hormone”) that gets released during particularly connective scenes between the bottom and Top – that is also a pleasurable sensation. 99% of my experience in rope has been non-sexual.
Common Types Of Rope Used
Most riggers will be using jute or hemp because of the tensile strength, smoother handling and durability. Cotton and bamboo are good for people who are just starting out, and silk is nice and soft for people who want a more sensual experience. It’s up to the individual to decide what they want to use, but just please don’t use strings or chemically treated hardware store rope!
Popular Rope Bondage Techniques
There are common ties and styles that rope artists learn, but people essentially develop their own individual technique based on what they’ve learned through skillshares and intensives with more established teachers like Naka Akira, Osada Steve, Gorgonne, etc. It’s a highly individualistic discipline in that respect – though there will be hardcore enthusiasts who only follow one particular school’s method.
As a rope Top, I prefer predicament bondage combined with “Chaos Bondage” which essentially is using your understanding of how rope bondage works (maintaining tension, reversing tension, different kinds of knots) and combining that with (often asymmetrical) spontaneity. I will use the bottom’s natural posture to put them in an ever so slightly uncomfortable position which will amplify whenever they attempt to get comfortable. I am kind of a sadist. I also don’t mind making pretty ties (obviously). As a bottom I prefer to be tied in challenging suspensions.
Tips For Beginners To Get Started
Get on Fetlife and find local events and skillshares you can attend to learn rope bondage in person with established teachers! This is crucial, it’s a hands on skill that requires so much more than just following a diagram or a tutorial.
Get involved in your general local BDSM community as well, you can learn a lot of necessary tools for negotiation, consent and general scene safety.
Research the safety risks. This is a great video on the Anatomy of Nerves for Rope Bondage (https://youtu.be/u9-VzX9_pzg).
Keep your safety shears nearby at all times.
Don’t just tie with anyone. . . Find people whose desires for the scene are relatively compatible with yours, rather than someone who may hate what you love!
Use safe words!
Ropebaby – Hi I’m Ropebaby! I am a kink and rope bondage model. I also like making kinky porn, mostly Daddy/girl content and other role plays and I also do Skype shows and make custom videos!
I thoroughly believe that kink/alternative lifestyle gives you a sort of freedom to express yourself like nothing else. There’s no judgement passed by anyone, unless of course someone is being hurtful/discriminating. Other than that, we’re all here for the same exact reason, to interact and connect with others just like ourselves. Being a part of this lifestyle gives you a lot of opportunities to form new friendships and relationships, and explore your own interests and passions comfortably.
What is 420 Intox?
420 intox/herbal intoxication is the act of consensually “forcing” the submissive to consume cannabis for the dominant’s amusement. The sub’s mind becomes even more intoxicated by my power, allowing them to go into a dream-like/relaxing state. I’ve noticed personally that it’s much easier for the sub to focus all of their energy solely on me, and to leave their normal thoughts, perception, and “normal” lifestyle behind.
All of their fears and stress points are nowhere to be found. The submissive caves in so easily, and appears more serene in the process. It came about naturally, I suppose. I’m already a heavy marijuana consumer, so when it came down to sex and kink, integrating weed was a given. It was just something I was already used to.
How Cannabis Is Integrated To Kink
Cannabis is integrated into kink in many different ways; whether it be a certain 420 fetish, or just using cannabis infused lubricant. Cannabis and kink can be wonderful experiences on their own; but combining the two, that’s when the magic happens.
How It Adds To The Experience
It’s all about having fun, and being yourself. I feel consuming cannabis before any sexual experience can give you so many wonderful emotions and accessibility to push your limits in a more comfortable way; for both parties (domme/sub). Euphoria and thrill rushes through your veins, leading to an incredible, more heightened climax. It can be a powerful and memorable experience.
Safety Precautions To Take Note Of When Intoxicated
While high/intoxicated, senses are much more amplified. Desire is increased, emotions are enhanced, and pain receptors can become a lot more sensitive; this can be a good and bad thing. A common symptom during sexual activity while being high/intoxicated is vaginal dryness; lubricant is your best friend!
Also, everybody has a tolerance. A normal amount to me can be a large amount to the sub. Sometimes they’ll feel intimidated by me, try to keep up with my consumption, and end up having a bad time. Neither of us want that! The key is communication. We’ll create a safe word they can say to hint that they’ve reached their limit; and that same rule should also apply to any sexual activity you’re about to partake in.
Emery Dalliance – Financial Dominatrix and Clip Producer. Her expertise’s are; Financial Domination, Female Domination, Forced Intox (cannabis/alcohol) and Tease and Denial. She resides in Southern California.
BDSM is a form of escapism from the everyday grind of life for me. It is also a way I choose to form relationships with intimate partners. BDSM allows me to let go of inhibitions, societal pressure and stress. BDSM is about trust, communication and expanding of knowledge. It is also an amazing way to meet new, interesting and wonderfully accepting people.
How My Interest In Rope Bondage Began
I met a guy who was very into the rope scene at a swingers party. He took me along to a fetish event and I saw all the wonderful and crazy things everyone was doing. We started experimenting in private and I started attending my local peer rope. Eventually, I started exploring at events on my own and with other partners. Since I started as a bunny (a person who is tied) nearly 6 years ago, my interests and wants/needs have changed and I now identify as a switch (someone who can be both a bottom and/or a top during play scenes)
How It Feels To Tie & Be Tied
For me, being tied up is about freedom. Which sounds very contradictory. Being tied up allows me to be still and calm, be in the moment, release stress and sometimes if I’m lucky, to fly. It allows me to stop thinking and just be. Does it hurt? Sometimes, and when it does, being tied up becomes about challenging yourself and overcoming whatever the rigger (person doing the tying) is putting you through. The endorphin rush during and after don’t hurt either.
Tying another person is a whole different kettle of fish. Having someone trust you with their body and sometime mental and emotional state is amazingly humbling. Each person I tie is different and what they want to get out of a rope experience can change from day to day and person to person. My job as a rigger is to allow the bunny to enjoy the experience and get what they want out of a session while ensuring they are safe and (mostly) unharmed at the end.
Common Positions To Be Tied Up In
This is a more complex question than it seems. There are many different styles of rope bondage. If you are just tying a partner up for some sexy times in the bedroom the spread eagle is a common one. If you are more into western style bondage, you will often find hip harnesses and double column ties (rope handcuffs especially). Shibari or Japanese style rope bondage uses a takate kote (box tie) as the bases for many of its ties as well as futomomos (frog-leg tie) and hip harnesses.
Positions can also vary depending on if you are doing floor work vs suspension, are wanting a loving connecting scene vs a sadistic scene. Rope is a vary versatile tool and can be used in whatever way you and/or your partner is feeling at that time.
Introducing Rope Bondage To Someone New
For me, it always starts as a conversation. Asking a person if they would like to try out this thing I am into. Communication and consent are key with any sort of BDSM activity. If they seem keen to give it a try, I usually start with something very simple like a tie on the wrist or ankle, then work our way from there.
If someone asks me how they can get into rope bondage themselves as either a rigger (person doing the tying) or a bunny (person being tied), I try to point them towards a peer rope or rope dojo close to where they are. I think building connections within your local community with like minded people can only help you get better skills and more experience.
Various Ways To Kink Up Rope Bondage
Of course there are. Blindfolds and other sensory deprivation tools are commonly used with rope, as is wax from wax play candles. You can incorporate many sensations like fingernails, biting, kissing, spanking (with hands or impliments). Hot and cold with ice and warm oil. For something more extreme, and not for the faint of heart, I once saw a performance when the bunny/model had her nipple pierced while in a very tricky suspension. You are only limited by your imagination and what your partner will consent to.
Please make sure you ASK your partner before trying any sort of bondage or BDSM activity with them. Pick an easy to remember safe word like “RED” or “ENOUGH” and when your partner indicates that they would like to stop or uses your safe word, ensure you stop IMMEDIATELY. CONSENT IS KEY.
Rose Demore – Rope and bondage lover. Sweet and Sadistic. Poly, opinionated, and like to stretch and open the minds of everyone I meet.
My personal views towards kink and alternative lifestyles. I’m a strong believer that we’re all very sexual desired creatures. We all get cravings and strong desires for what we truly enjoy sexually no matter what those may be. Thankfully, we are all different if we weren’t well.. That would be a huge yawn fest am I right or what!? Some are even afraid to share these with their partners due to simply being afraid of being judged or shunned. In my opinion I would say, take a chance on them but that’s ultimately your choice after all. Some partners are not going to be into what you are but they should still understand.
Also some may allow you to just go online to help with these desires instead of fulfilling themselves or you actually seeking them out via cheating. (This can all backfire your partner may not be supportive either so as I said it’s your choice and rather a mere suggestion.) With that being said, I’m fairly open minded an honest with my partners and online clients. I do not judge others because they may enjoy something I may not. I will simply let them know it’s not my thing if that is the case. This is why I enjoying doing what I do. Since I’m into so many different things to keep from boredom. It’s your life so live it how you please and do what makes you happy at the end of the day.
How My Fetish Interest Began
I began my online modeling around the beginning of 2015. I honestly had no idea that I was even a squirter till I got into working more. My first squirt I ever did is recorded since we were making a video when it happened. I have to admit I thought I had peed but my man kept playing. He told me after I had squirted. I was like whoa no way!! So for sure was now into learning this new talent I had now discovered. I have come such a long way since I first started, without a doubt in my mind.
I started into fetish modeling almost right away and I started taking customs orders and doing live shows. I would just say I’ve never done that before and was willing to try it. When approached with something I was not familiar with, I would explain the same. So many were actually cool and understanding that I was always really into trying new things and learning. From doing that, I started to realize what I really enjoyed and was into quite a lot.
I also found out what I wasn’t into and simply would not do. There are only a few things that I won’t do or even try due to morals and being disgusting. I have had online and some brief offline fetish experiences now since I started. I am currently only available online and paid only, not free. Nothing in this world is free! Ahaha ain’t that the truth though 😉
Personal Fetish Favorites
Well there are lots of different fetishes out there . I enjoy and dabble in financial domination, sissyfication, cock and ball torture, humiliation, small penis humiliation, feet and body worship, panty/smell and lots more. I really love squirting the most though. There is just nothing like a squirting orgasm. I don’t think toys are a fetish but I just love toys and trying new ones.
Secondly I really love financial domination. What Goddess doesn’t though. I love being spoiled or taking what I deserve. Submit, Serve, Obey, Worship, Repeat! You know how to get a Goddess’s attention now, don’t you get sending 😉
Also really enjoy letting my inner bossy bitch out and laughing, giving humiliation or SPH as well as tasks.
Fourth would be sissyfication, love my little sissy whores in training. Have also been trying some size play (pussy stretching) here and there and have enjoyed that as well so far.
Obscure Fetishes I Haven’t Tried
Some obscure fetish’s I have heard about yet I haven’t done online or off. That I would be willing to try (not on myself of course) are urethral sounding, erotic electrostimulation, cuckolding, cane/caning, and collar/collaring.
Complementing Fetishes Into Sex
How do I complement the interest in fetishes into my sex life. Well see, I really do enjoy the domme aspects. I do have two alpha male partners that are well aware of what I like and enjoy sexually. Both know of each other and what I do online. They both have even made some content with me as well. Go get some and drool over that. Yet I really just love to torment beta males so much, so come to Goddess! ;p
Ava Eve – Sexy curvy Canadian squirting Goddess. That you can find all over the Interwebs. Go check out my links, follow me and purchase! Email for serious inquiry’s only.
Kink and alternative lifestyles are arenas for exploration of life and sexuality. In my opinion, being into kink can add renewed excitement and lust for life. It is thrilling to discover the many ways we can play with the body and mind with everything from costumes to riding crops to psychological manipulation.
After fifty shades of grey, kink seems to have moved from the fringes of society into average Joe’s bedroom, a development I feel ambivalent towards. On one hand, I am happy to see more people introduced to the delights of kink. On the other hand, I am mildly concerned that people who are not really into kink might feel pressured into doing it because everyone else is or it’s cool at the moment. I believe kink is best when motivated by personal desire with matching, consenting partner(s).
Whats It’s Like To Be A Switch
As a switch, I feel empowered and liberated both by giving up control and by taking on full control. In everyday life, I feel more flexible, and able to have a deeper understanding of power dynamics.
The idea of releasing control and exploring the intersection of pleasure and pain always appealed to me. I tend to be more on the submissive side in my personal sex life, and get extremely turned on by being spanked, slapped, tied up, having my hair pulled and so on. I love having someone take charge and bend me into different positions and fuck me hard. Since I am a pretty bossy lady, it can be liberating not to think about what to do, but instead, just being in the moment with a partner who directs the show.
After leaning more towards the submissive side for years, I started playing with being dominant and discovered the pleasure and excitement in having someone give up control to me. The thrill of designing an experience in which you take your partner to his edge (and beyond) is an amazing high. I now love being dominant, in particular in sex work, because I enjoy providing the space for a client to explore the sides of himself that he does not get to act out in his ordinary life. Since I know firsthand what the sub experience is like, I feel I can more easily provide this for clients and lovers.
Preference For Being Dominant Or Submissive
I usually prefer to be submissive in my personal life and dominant at work. For me, being a submissive requires a large amount of trust, something that builds up within time, and therefore I tend to save my submissive side for private encounters or client relationships where trust has been built. As a dominatrix, I love designing experiences for my clients based on their submissive desires.
Kink Activities I Love
I love spanking, both giving and receiving. I enjoy the different types of delicious pain inflicted by a hand, a paddle, riding crop, and flogger. A flogger is probably my favorite.
As a sub, besides spanking, I love being flipped into different positions, getting tied up or held down, as well as using a blindfold, getting my hair pulled, nipples pinched hard, and light slapping.
As a domme, besides the spanking, I enjoy taking control and putting my partner into different positions for me to physically take charge, pin him down, and fuck him with a strap on. Other things I enjoy as a domme is using a collar and leash, nipple torture, slave training, cock and ball torture and ball busting.
Anal play, strap on, foot fetish and trampling are some of the requests I get the most these days.
Characteristics Of A Good Sub
A good sub gets turned on by the idea of giving up control to their partner. A good sub is in it voluntarily for his or her own pleasure, not to please a partner. He or she is open-minded, willing and able to suspend control, obedient, and eager to explore their sexuality. A good sub is also clear about their boundaries, and soft and hard limits, so the domme knows what to avoid and where to tread with caution.
Tips To Be A Switch
I would not say it is easy being a switch, since it involves knowing oneself deeply and the ability to perform a complete role reversal. However, it gives me so many options and has most certainly added color and excitement to my life.
If someone is keen to become a switch, I suggest they do their research and find what turns them on by the idea of being a submissive, and by being a dominant. Then, I recommend experimenting with a partner they completely trust, or hire a professional to explore with in a safe environment.
Nina Nyx – Nina Nyx is a Sydney based Scandinavian escort, masseuse, and dominatrix. Nina is an all-natural, curvy blonde, deeply passionate about traveling, writing, massage, alternative rock, yoga, dancing, and sexploration.
Now I’m probably going to get a bit of stick for this because, like many art forms, BDSM is open to all manner of interpretation and rightly so. We all have the right to express ourselves freely as consenting adults. But there comes a time when even art is called into question, or at the very least, scrutinised.
To add some context to my perspective, I should point out that I’m a 24/7 Dom escort and I have a number of clients who I work with to help nurture their sexuality. I’m not Mr. Slap and tickle nor am inclined to tie people down and beat them into submission in a cold sterile room, although I can certainly recommend someone if that’s your thing. I also think Hollywood has a lot to answer for regarding the widespread confusion and misunderstanding amongst those unfamiliar with the beautiful art of BDSM.
In any case, I think most responsible and reasonably well-adjusted people within the BDSM community would agree that with much freedom, comes great responsibility and care. BDSM is not a magic wand that will instantly fix your problems and make you awesome. The reality is that if you’re a lousy partner in the vanilla world, you’ll more than likely to be a lousy partner in the world of BDSM too. So I think it’s important to acknowledge who you are at your core, as this will ultimately determine your approach to BDSM.
We may all want different things from our life of kink but there are some key elements that most safe, sane and consenting adults would probably agree on. For me, I have distilled these down to 9 core principles of nurturing because that’s who I happen to be at my core.
Emotional Health: In my opinion, this will be the primary focus of a ‘good Dom’ and they will do everything in their power to ensure the mental health and emotional well-being of their submissive. A ‘bad Dom’ on the other hand might not even consider this to be important because they’ll be too wrapped up in their own head to notice.
Sexuality: I believe as a ‘good Dom’ you are fully responsible for the sexual development and pleasure of your submissive as they are under your control. A ‘bad Dom’ will neglect this because they will be more focus on receiving pleasure and ensuring that all their sexual needs are met.
Fitness and Health: For me, as a professional 24/7 Dom, I require my submissive to be fit and healthy so they can cope with the sometimes stressful and demanding tasks bequeathed to them. This can include instructions to attend the gym or regular health checks to ensure that they receive a clean bill of health so I can push them to their limits in relative safety. A ‘bad Dom’ will pay very little attention to this area and some may even go as far as allowing the consumption of alcohol during play sessions which should be punishable by severe flogging, preferably at the hands of their own intoxicated submissive.
Appearance: A good Dom will pay attention to the details, including suitable attire and offer guidance and support where needed. A ‘bad Dom’ will overlook this and insist on a submissive wearing unsuitable clothing that could jeopardise their safety during a session. In instances like this, I’d suggest including a clause in the contract that holds the Dom legally responsible for any injury caused to their submissive during a session.
Behaviour: This is an interesting one for me personally as I have an anecdote that I’d like to share. I was recently contacted by a new client who wanted to embark upon a 24/7 Dom/sub relationship with me which was fine – Initially. The issue is that after having spent time with them it was clear that she was not yet ready for this type of lifestyle. Instead, I suggested something entirely different to help her deal with certain issues that she is facing. A ‘bad Dom’ would have attempted to break her pattern of behaviour, which would only have compound her issues and made them worst. In this clients case, I recommended Tantra which I felt would be much more beneficial to her.
Life Balance: This may not be relevant to most because you may only engage in BDSM during specific times of play. But within the context of a 24/7 Dom/sub relationship, the issue of life balance is a big one and can be the cause of much stress and relationship breakdown. A ‘good Dom’ will take the time to discuss how BDSM can be incorporated into your life whilst allowing you to function as a normal member of society with all the usual responsibilities that most of us have to deal with. A ‘bad Dom’ will make unfair demands and insist on compliance and even worst, they may try to enact disciplinary measures and demand you comply. At this point, I’d advise running for the hills, as this is usually a recipe for disaster.
Duties: When it comes to nurturing a submissive, duties and tasks are an integral part of their development. Some of the duties I have set for my clients range from attending Yoga classes and spa days to visiting therapists and sex councillors. This would probably never occur to a ‘bad Dom’ as they would be too busy setting pointless chores that they could quite easily do themselves.
Punishment: Ouch! Literally! As a word of warning, please be very careful if your Dom punishes you when they are angry. In my opinion, punishment should be meted out calmly, as a form of correction for unacceptable behaviour, or as a form of pleasure, not when a Dom is foaming at the mouth and decides to whip 50 shades of grey out of their submissive.
Contract Negotiation: This for me is like the Holy Grail. It lays the foundation upon which your life of kink will evolve. Both parties are on an equal footing and should ensure that they are getting exactly what they want from the relationship. I also think it’s important that contracts remain fluid and subject to review on a regular basis as our lives change. If your Dom insists that you stick to whatever is agreed regardless, they are clearly more concerned with their own needs than that of their submissive.
Ultimately when it comes to finding the right Dom, you need to have a clear understanding of what you want and where your boundaries lie. If they don’t tick the right boxes, it’s best to move on and find another, as they are unlikely to change. These are my personal views based on my own interpretation of a Total Power Exchange (TPE) relationship which I refer to as ‘DSN’ – ‘Dominant, Submissive and Nurturing’. You can find out more about DSN here.
Madison James is a degree educated 37 year old international male escort from London with a keen interest in BDSM, Tantra and massage. He has an aptitude for intellectual conversation, an inquisitive mind and a genuine desire to help women embrace their sexuality one orgasm at a time!
