There are so many ways to have virtual sex with someone—whether they’re your partner or not. Sometimes, it’s hard to know exactly which format will be the most stimulating. What you like best depends entirely on your personality. To help you make the best decision, below are some reasons you might want to choose phone sex over sexting.
1. It’s More Personal
Seeing words appear on a screen might appeal to some, but it can feel like a very impersonal experience for others. There’s something that feels more distant and anonymous about sexting. Since sexting can be impersonal, bots sometimes take the place of humans on sexting websites. This isn’t the case with phone sex. It’s pretty easy to tell if you’re talking to someone who sounds more like Alexa or someone with a human voice and emotions.
On the other hand, when you have phone sex, you hear another living, breathing human being. Their breathing might be one of the biggest turn-ons of the entire experience. Being able to listen to another person sexually respond to you feels a lot closer than reading another text. Think about the visceral distinction between seeing the words “I’m coming” pop up on a screen and listening to someone moan during an orgasm. Big difference!
2. It’s Rawer
Something happens when you give someone the time to think about how they’re going to respond to you and what they’re going to say next: they hold back. Sometimes this is a good thing: you wait a few minutes before texting someone when you’re angry, and you might preserve the relationship. In a sexual encounter, though, usually the less time someone has to respond, the more primal thoughts come out.
When you’re sexting, you’re in complete control of how quickly you respond. If you need a few minutes, you take a few minutes. So, while the responses you get will be more well thought out, they won’t be as spontaneous. When you have to respond to someone in real-time (or face an inevitable awkward silence), you have less time to think. You’re not thinking with your brain. Instead, you’re thinking with your desire. In general, that’s way hotter.
3. The Meaning Is Crystal Clear
Context is everything. And, for some people, understanding the context of someone’s text is difficult. Imagine you get a text from your mom that says, “I’ve got a little something to give you next time I see you ;).” Now, imagine you got that same text from your partner. They mean very different things.
When you can’t hear someone’s tone, there’s a lot that you have to guess. If you know someone very well, it might not be a problem at all. But if you don’t, you may want to have phone sex. It helps clarify a lot of what they’re saying, and the communication goes more smoothly.
4. There’s No Permanent Record of the Conversation
When you have phone sex with someone, as soon as you say the words, they live only in your memory. Of course, someone could record you, but that’s much more devious than simply having a text record of everything you said to someone in the heat of the moment. If you said something silly during a sext, they can reread it the next day or even show it to their friends. That’s no fun for someone private. With phone sex, there’s no automatic way to relive the experience.
As you know, Tokyo is a large, lively city with many people. However, it’s not always easy to make connections, especially if you’re new to the city. Exploring Tokyo with a companion who knows the local language and culture is like having a perfect partner in crime. Instead of feeling alone in the crowd, you will feel electrified by the city’s energy with me by your side. Exploring together is always more exciting than exploring alone.
For me, companionship is really all about connection. We are often so busy that we forget to stop and appreciate what it is like to connect with each other. There’s something so special about being truly intimate and sharing yourself with another. If you feel like something is missing in your life, connecting with a companion can reignite your desire.
The Japan Escorting Industry
Japan has many escorting agencies, just like many other countries do. However, it seems that Japanese agencies often avoid foreign clients because of the language barrier. For that reason, if you visit Tokyo for the first time, I would recommend booking a private escort who also speaks your language. Tokyo is a large, lively city, so I’m sure you’ll be able to find just what you’re looking for!
What Makes Me A Great Companion
To be honest, I’m a little shy! But this certainly doesn’t stop me from being passionate. I genuinely enjoy getting to know the gentlemen I meet, and I can tell that they feel that. I love hearing their stories and learning what makes them tick.
Ways We Can Enjoy Tokyo Together
I grew in central Tokyo, so perhaps I’m biased, but I feel that there are endless things to enjoy about the city. If you are thinking of visiting, one of the best seasons in Japan is Spring – it’s the perfect time to walk through the park and enjoy the beautiful sakura (cherry blossoms).
In other seasons, there are plenty of good restaurants to enjoy – the food here is amazing! Some locations might not look fancy from the outside, but I guarantee they are worth a try. Whether you’re visiting Tokyo for a few hours or a few weeks, I’ll happily be your guide.
What Gentlemen Should Do Prior To Meeting
As I said, the connection between the two of us is the most important thing to me. For this reason, I ask that you read a little bit about me, and also include a little bit of information about yourself when you send a date request. This helps me figure out if I am the right companion for you – I want to ensure that you have a great time.
It’s also important to know that I am rarely available for same-day dates as I have a busy life and want to ensure I can take the time to properly prepare to meet you. So, if possible, I ask that gentlemen enquire in advance where possible. I request a deposit to cover my transportation costs, but we can speak about this more if you choose to book a date with me.
What’s Important To Me
Overall, the most important things to me are simply manners and genuine care. I can’t deny that I love it when a gentleman meets me with a hug and a smile.
If gentlemen are especially curious, I have a page on my website that covers etiquette (https://www.belbell.com/terms).
Miss Bel – Your exclusive passionate girlfriend and travel guide. Located in beautiful Tokyo. Trilingual book lover and coffee addict.
I think discovering kink allows a lot of people to discover parts of themselves that normally society may not encourage or cannot understand. In that sense, perhaps a lot of “hardcore” kinksters are seen to live alternative lifestyles and for some part that maybe true, for others like myself, I see my lifestyle as most conventional with an underlying kinky tone rather than dictated by kink. I ride and compete my horse, I walk my dog, I do sports and art and enjoy learning … but in the right situations, I also have a lifestyle Mistress, get caned, dress up in latex and stand on men.
It’s a delicate balance and perhaps I am not the norm in the kink or vanilla world, but does that make my lifestyle alternative? My personal thoughts on alternative lifestyles is that people should focus on being the best and happiest versions of themselves, if that involves being “alternative”, then great, do that.
I don’t think everyone is designed to have a conventional lifestyle that’s dictated by society’s norms. Personally, I always struggled to maintain relationships until I tried a completely D/s dynamic and realised a vanilla relationship structure was the issue, and not necessarily my ability to sustain a relationship.
How I First Started Exploring Kink
Funnily enough, it took me to the age of 21 to realise being spanked, slapped, choked and tied up in the bedroom was not normal. I have always been attracted to those who can challenge me intellectually and who ooze confidence. I have also always shown submissive traits in that I am a masochist, I love making my partner happy and I have always had an ability to subtly tease (especially in vanilla settings), and combined, it’s like having a Dom-dar.
Realizing I Was A Switch
I only really have started to accept my switchy side in the last few years since having a supportive partner who has encouraged me to do whatever I want to try. As someone who originally thought I was purely submissive, it has been hard to accept that around submissive men. I naturally take control of a situation and that I do enjoy playing the Dominant role in my own style. I went through a rough stage a few years ago of rejecting the switch status because I felt it made me less of a slave/sub but in reality, it is the submissive facet that enables me to switch so well.
I can manipulate a sub easily because I can relate to their emotions in the scene, I know when they need to breathe whilst being hit or when they probably want a tender touch because I have been there myself. It took me a while to full embrace all my facets but I feel so much more at peace with myself now that I understand all my different headspaces (slave, sub, little, Domme, Brat, rope bunny etc.), how to move between them and that just because with different people I can embrace different parts of myself, it does not make the other parts any “less”.
Misconceptions About Being A Switch
That being a Switch makes you less of a Domme/Sub. If anything, I think it gives you better insight and understanding into your play partner which allows for more intense interactions. It would be like saying being good at playing sports makes you a bad supporter. Also, it’s worth noting there is no one way to Dominate, no one way to submit, and there’s also no one way to switch.
Some people can change mindsets mid-session and go from slave to head teacher. Others need clear boundaries or perhaps, only one dynamic with each play partner. Like everything in kink, there is no black/white structure, it’s just about exploring who you are, finding playmates who are into the same activities as you and having fun with it.
Is It Difficult To Be A Switch?
I think knowing how to be both parts really helps the other. For example, when I am with my Mistress, I know how emotionally tiring subs can be or how it feels to have someone be bratty when you’re tired from a long day and I can use that knowledge to better myself as a sub and make Her life more enjoyable. Alternatively, when I am with boys in a more Domme mindset, I know why they might be bratting or overly emotional, I know that if their breathing is erratic, they will feel sensations differently. I know that when a sub feels vulnerable, they may not be able to ask for the hug they really need but they want it. I can use my personal experience as a sub to help me make sure that they have a magical time and that they are properly prepared for whatever I have planned because I know what it will feel like to be in their shoes.
I don’t often switch in the same session because I personally struggle to see people on both sides of the spectrum without my mindsets leaking into each other. That said, I find those looking for switching sessions are actually looking for a playful hedonistic partner with a power struggle aspect which is something I personally love. Labels such as Domme, Sub and Switch can sometimes make it harder because not everyone truly understands what they want and a lot of my clients are more fetishists than Dommes or Subs, meaning they are looking for a more playful session that embraces their particular kinks but feel the need to catagorise themselves as Dom or Sub for the sake of labels.
Recommendations For Aspiring Switches
Forget labels and just explore, you don’t have to fit into any particular box, when you can (have a consensual partner available) explore everything you’re interested in safely, you’ll start to discover your different facets and all the kinks and mindsets that you enjoy.
Rabbit T – I am a professional submissive who can provide the full GFE to outcalls in the London, Manchester and Bedford areas. I am not offering incalls at this time due to moving home and getting my new place organised.
I offer kinky companion, spankee, submissive and escort services in these areas on dates according to my schedule and travel plans. Arrangements are best made in advance to ensure my availability.
Kink has always been a huge part of my life and is very close to my heart. My personal views towards life in general but also towards kink and alternate lifestyles is… Do whatever you want as long as you’re not hurting yourself or others…make sure everything is always safe, sane, and consensual. And the best way to do that is with EDUCATION!
You cannot consent to something if you do not know what it is, which is why education is HUGE for me with BDSM. I have played as a submissive for around 10 years, as well as worked on and off camera, as a professional submissive and done sex work in general for about five years now and I am always learning and educating myself further.
How I Got Started Into BDSM
I have always been into the darker things in life. Growing up I would have labeled myself as goth, and truly saw the beauty in all things dark and creepy. I have always had submissive tendencies my entire life. It might have started from watching porn as a teen; my favourite starlets were Sasha Grey and Bonnie Rotten who usually performed in very hardcore BDSM scenes, and I always thought to myself, “I WANT TO DO THAT!”
It was my dream to become a pornstar one day, although life got in the way and I got caught up in the wonderful world of FSSW working as a professional submissive (but that’s another story for another day). I am back on track of achieving my dream to become a pornstar. My biggest goal is to work with kink.com and I’m hoping once the world settles down, that I can make this dream a reality.
Aside from porn, Tumblr was also a huge influence on me being attracted to BDSM (I met my first “online” Dom from Tumblr) and found many more pornstars, kinks/fetishes, and BDSM education from Tumblr (like links to books, videos, and other BDSM educators) and from there I found Fetlife (if you don’t know about it, Fetlife is basically Facebook for kinky people), new partners, all while continuing to educate myself on the subject.
My first real life Dom partner was someone I met online and probably a mistake. We both were not educated enough at the time, and a lot went wrong in that relationship. This is why I’m such a stickler for telling people that education is key to consent! You can end up in really horrible situations and get very hurt, if you’re not educating yourself before meeting someone and playing.
Did Being A Sub Come Naturally?
Yes, I have always had very submissive qualities even in platonic vanilla relationships. I live to please everyone around me. I am also constantly told that “this is what I was born to do, I live to please.” by numerous people that I have encountered through out my life.
Even my parents say “I’m great at helping people and that I love to help people”. I’m just a natural born pleaser, and I always aim to please in all aspects of my life.
My Favorite Kinks & Fetishes
Some of my favourite kinks/fetishes are:
Shoes (pleasure heels)
Piss play
Pain play
Humiliation / degradation
Bimbofication
Cuckolding
Hotwifing
I love shoes, I only recently realized that it’s an actual fetish… I love to wear them as a form of bondage and I love to clean and lick other women’s heels, I find it degrading to be treated as less than everyone else and to serve “real women” by licking their heels clean. Plus with my oral fixation, I love to deepthroat and gag on women’s heels. I don’t know why, I just love it! I guess it’s the degradation that really gets me going. Which is another big one for me.
I love being humiliated and degraded, and doing things publicly is my favourite. I love when everyone is staring at me and freaking out, and I guess I’m just an attention whore at heart. I love anything to do with pee play, getting peed on, drinking it, pissing myself, I love all of it. It makes me feel dirty and used in ways that other fluids just can’t LOL.
Bimbofication for me just goes hand in hand with humiliation and degradation, being a goth slut forced to look like a pretty Barbie, is probably the best humiliation punishment you can give me.
Hotwifing is similar to cuck holding, except my partner is not a cuck. They enjoy watching me act like a slut and I do not humiliate them in anyway. For cuckolding I enjoy being the cuck, I like to watch my Dom or partner be with other women, it’s a huge turn on for me.
Lastly, pain play. I think it basically comes with the territory of being a submissive but I truly get a release and high after doing a very intense scene. It’s almost like an out of body experience and I live for that feeling. Just like an athlete, I’m always trying to push myself and my limits always trying to do better and achieve more. It really is like a sport for me.
How I Explored My Limits & Knowledge
I’m constantly educating myself every day, as you can never stop learning. I am always watching videos, reading books, and attending events where I can learn more. As for IRL exploration, I only play with safe trusted and educated partners when exploring my kinks and fetishes.
I have a long distance Dom/Top friend who used to “own” me in the submissive term. However, the distance was rough for me and we only play together when we can now. However, he is the only one I trust right now to really push my limits pain wise and see how far I can go, and this is after years of getting to know each other and a confirmed list of limits, that we always adjust as needed.
Aside from that, I do have a few Domme female friends that have gotten to know me very well and I can always trust them to help me explore as well, and we usually play together at kink events.
Important Tips For Submissives
Please pleaseee educate yourself before playing. And by education I do not mean watching 50 Shades of Grey…. Actually, first of all, please wait until you’re 18+ before you start playing and exploring. I know it sucks to wait but that gives you lots of time to educate yourself and learn everything you can about BDSM before exploring in real life.
There are many great BDSM educators on YouTube now. Evie lupine being one of my favourites. Although online content is great for education, please also read books, and if you can find your local dungeon and take some classes. Education is key to consent because you can’t consent to something if you don’t know what it is.
If you make an account on Fetlife you can find local events, dungeons and education classes in your area. It’s a great tool to find events where you can educate yourself and explore. Please please please for the love of Satan, do not treat Fetlife as a dating website. I don’t recommend meeting people of Fetlife. Use it to find events and education classes in your area, and meet people that way (and then you can add each other on Fetlife of course)
But please, it is not a dating website so don’t treat it as such, and I can promise you the people that don’t follow this rule on Fetlife are not the people you want to be “meeting” or “exploring” with. There are dangerous people all over the internet, that’s why education is key!
Vera Lynn – Toronto’s favourite submissive fetish model. She ditched the 9-5 lifestyle to enjoy a happy life working as an Adult content creator, fetish model, and professional submissive. In her spare time She loves learning more about BDSM, attending BDSM / fetish events, and going to concerts with her friends.
For all my online content and submissive / kinky stuff you can follow me as Vera Lynn. I’m vl_fetmodel on every platform and you can find photo shoots and links to all my content platforms on my website VeraLynn.ca
BDSM and kink are totally different animals; one is about self-expression and the other is about self-repression. You can think kinky thoughts, wear kinky clothes, do some kinky stuff….but it’s all about perception. In fashion, kink is kind of where avant garde fashion starts. It’s the frontier between the judgment of a person and a community, a status quo and change. BDSM is all about the relationship between two people, based on trust, acceptance, and deep emotional, really, turmoil. The bikini began as kink. New fashion is kink. A spanking is always BDSM. Interest in either or both is probably fetish.
Fetish is wonderful; it is self-expression. Kink is a description of non-mainstream and should be harmless, but God only knows in today’s world of priggish and self-righteous political correctness. BDSM is very private, very complex, and somehow connected to deep psychological issues. Within limits of personal acceptance and common sense concerning safety, it is therapy.
What Is Discipline & How Important Is It?
Discipline is not kink, it is BDSM and therefore, from my perspective, a therapy. It is a salve, not a cure. It responds to a need. I have “treated” people who need to be spanked because they need expiation of their “sins”; a student who wasn’t studying hard enough.
I once had a wife send her husband for the spanking he deserved and agreed that he deserved, but that she was uncomfortable delivering. There are a lot of mommy issues out there! Then there’s the executive who is in control all the time and just wants to be controlled.
I practice Bondage and Discipline at the non-extreme end where emotional and physical safety are paramount. SM overlaps butt morphs toward an extreme that can become very unhealthy and even dangerous. Not what I do.
Why Are People Into Discipline?
As I said, I am a therapist. The key to good therapy is a form of mutual discovery and appropriate treatment given all factors. My first rule is safety, my second is understanding drivers, and my third is respecting limits.
Caning a person who just wants OTK mommy spanks is abuse. OTK spanks is useless therapy for a person who seeks the expiation of a rubber belt thrashing. Sex is a very real part of sessioning, butt only in the mind and behind of the client. They all get aroused….yep….the girls too….and I definitely mind fuck them, but they don’t get any more of me than that. And they love it.
No sex, a lot of vex………that’s the Dom hex.
What Common Rules Are There?
Rules? It’s about roles. I’m like any other therapist. I, we, they, play games to get you where we can help the most and you do what you are told. Within limits.
If he or she wants to act up and it’s part of the role, we work it out with me maintaining control. I have had only one jerk that got out of control and that I had to throw out.
Explore Your Interest Now!
People come to me for a lot of reasons, mostly that they don’t fully understand. I love the challenge of figuring out each set of mind and behind. So many different beginnings. I have a lot of repeat customers!
Mistress Rattan – Mistress in Toronto offering Discipline and Domination
Do you remember how we all used to sit in our rooms and beat off until our hands were soaked in baby batter? How many of us got wrist or elbow cramps because of how much we liked to play with ourselves? Did you mom tell you that you’d go blind or was that only a thing in my house? You never know anymore.
The world has changed quite a bit over the last few years, and with that has come many transformations in male masturbation. Exhibit A: the marriage of technology with men’s sex toys. We used to only fantasize about these kinds of products, but now we can own them. But if you still don’t understand all the hype, keep reading.
What is high-tech masturbation?
We all know what masturbation is. It’s called jerking off, bopping the bishop, beating the meat, and choking the chicken in other languages. But regardless of its name, this activity is not only good for your health but it’s also fun to do by yourself or with a partner. Add in some technology and it goes to a whole new level.
In fact, sextech and all of its kinky components directly encourage masturbation, and we should all be a little more thankful for that. According to National Institutes of Health (NIH), going on a date with Pamela Handerson can help with sexual development, ejaculation endurance, confidence, and relationships. It also feels pretty amazing if you do it right.
That’s why technologically advanced sex toys were invented in the first place. Everyone started understanding how great jerking off really was, and they wanted to make it even better than it has been since the dawn of time. Thus, most high-tech devices come with the following features:
Bluetooth
This is what allows two separate devices to work in tandem without cords or wires. It’s also used for long-distance play on toys with other technologies.
Motion Sensors
With the motion-sensing feature, users can enjoy tailored and unpredictable patterns of pleasure. Paired with Bluetooth, it’s great for real-time sensations with a partner too.
Sync-to-Music
This technology lets users enjoy rhythmic sensations while listening to their favorite mood music. Meanwhile, it may also be available on toys without syncing abilities.
Virtual Reality
VR is one of the newest inventions and the latest addition to the sextech portfolio. It provides visual stimulation alongside physical pleasure for a more realistic experience.
3D Porn Content Connectivity
Alongside the virtual reality comes 3-dimensional XXX content, much of which is interactive. You can even have sex with your favorite porn star if you get the right equipment.
Automatic Strokers
The only thing missing from the pie was a hands-free option. But that slice was given generously by the automatic stroking machines we have available today.
Artificial Intelligence
As we get closer to preferring sex with robots over human beings, we start seeing toys with A.I. being introduced. For many, that’s the start of something truly revolutionary.
High-Grade Materials
Most high-grade sex toys are made out of silicone, thermoplastic elastomer (TPE), polyvinyl chloride (PVC), or a patented polycarbonate blend. Latex has long since been disgraced.
Rechargeable Batteries
With all of these amazing abilities, contemporary masturbation toys usually come with USB rechargeable batteries. Some even have plug-in motors for non-stop pleasure.
High-tech masturbation is a type of self-pleasure that incorporates state-of-the-art equipment. It’s like sexy multiplication for your dick, only everyone has the answer and there’s no test at the end. Masturbating with technology, or sextech, is performance-based as well as aesthetic. It uses industry-leading ergonomics and user-friendly settings to deliver a more realistic and customizable experience.
If that’s not enough to get your goat, then what is? Perhaps if you knew about all of the benefits it would change your mind. That’s what happened to my tired-wristed ass. So, if you’re up for a challenge, check out what’s next.
The six benefits of high-tech sex toys
Masturbation is already great by itself and that’s why we all do it. Many of assume there’s no way to make it better. But these six things are the bonus points you get when you use high-tech sex toys for pleasure, whether you believe the hype or not:
#1. Easier Orgasms
You don’t have as hard of a time getting off when you’re not the one doing all the work. Aside from saving your hands and wrists from carpal tunnel, sextech devices can also make it easier to reach orgasm without full-blown intercourse. It’s basically your bridge between the Great Dick Divide.
#2. Versatile Play
There’s more than one way to play pocket pool these days, meaning you don’t have to settle for flat and funky pocket pussies anymore. Unless you’re into having only one type of experience, you can now mix and match your sensations in more ways than any of us can count.
#3. Fantasy Fulfillment
Beating your dick like it owes you money consists of pulling out all the stops until you get off. You don’t need a live partner to get it on, but you may need some help fulfilling a few of those disgusting fantasies of yours. Keep dreaming about fucking a famous porn star? Consider it done.
#4. Stamina Training
Nobody is happy with how long they last in bed. Meanwhile, guys reach orgasm at around the 5-minute mark while ladies generally take about 20. Thus, stamina training helps couples find a happier middle ground. Automatic strokers with rechargeable batteries and artificial intelligence certainly do the trick.
#5. Boosted Pleasure
Who doesn’t want their penis to experience enhanced sexual pleasure? Since everyone’s hand is still down I’ll assume that you’re all aware of this benefit. You just can’t go wrong when you’re always masturbating with technologically efficient performers that don’t need to kiss or cuddle when you get done.
#6. Couple’s Support
Infidelity and temptation are two of the biggest issues plaguing modern couples. This is especially true for people in long-distance relationships. High-tech masturbation helps to solve that problem and prevent cheating with interactive sex toys that are actually fun, easy, and practical for today’s lover.
NOTE: There may be a few other benefits which depend on how you use your device(s). So, check your owner’s manual for creative ideas, usage warnings, and product suggestions.
The final verdict
Nobody wants to admit they’re terrible at masturbation. It’s the only thing in life that’s not tainted by other people’s opinions. But even the guys who are good at it could use some rest from time to time. Plus, anything that makes it feel better should be welcomed at all times.
I’m a scholar of the SSC school of BDSM, meaning I know there’s always more to learn and I’m always happy to share what I know. So far, Safe, Sane and Consensual practices inform my views of how kinky play should unfold; so, if the anticipated types of activities aren’t physically safe, being performed by parties who are of sound mind and are actively consenting, they don’t have a place in play space(s).
I like to think that BDSM is like garlic—you can never have too much of it and it always adds the right amount of flare to any experience as long as all parties involved are fully informed and enthusiastic about their involvement. Kink was first introduced to me through an ex who was extremely into bondage and my own personal interests in heavy rubber, ball gags, body worship, breath play and impact play.
Also, seeing Dita Von Teese editorials and the Matrix films when I was younger heavily influenced my style and appetites now. The more mainstream that kink becomes through media portrayals—like Netflix’s Bonding, Shameless, and P-Valley—as well as the rise in sex workers and sex and kink educators, the more we’re going to have society exploring deeper and more delicious ways to express and indulge in physical intimacy, and that’s something to celebrate!
What Does It Mean To Be A Switch?
Simply put, a switch is an individual who is comfortable in either the dominant or submissive role but they do not feel strongly tied to identifying as either in a consensual kink experience. Often, it’s because a switch has discerned specific types of play and or dominants that they like to be submissive toward as well as the types of submissives they enjoy seeing.
People who identify as dominants or submissives are dominants or submissives 24/7. Dominance or submissiveness is woven into their personality type, and I’d argue the same for a switch—we’re just interested in exploring our kinky duality with our partners. For some switches, it’s a pretty even split with no preference for which role they’re in. For other switches—like myself—there’s a tendency to lean more towards the one role over the other.
As a dominant-leaning switch, I prefer to lead play in a sensual, sadistic style. I don’t consider myself a dominant because I don’t feel compelled or want to be dominant in all types of play but I also won’t submit to just anyone. I have to know the person I allow to dominate me will respect my soft and hard limits and not push me into a type of play I’ve explicitly stated that I will not engage in; I also prefer sensual dominants versus sadists—probably because I’m a sadist myself.
I also prefer to sub for very specific types of kink, like rope bondage; forced orgasms; over the knee impact play (OTK); and tickling, which means I also require dominants who are specifically skilled in those types of play. Whereas, as a domme, my expertise and my own interest lies in pegging, breath play (more commonly known as choking), human furniture, chastity, verbal humiliation and degradation, body parts worship (like foot or ass worship), latex/pvc/heavy rubber fetish, and sensory deprivation—so people tend to seek me out for those types of play scenarios.
I relish in the delight that comes from being a switch and exploring various types of play as a sub and a domme, but I’m extremely particular about the types of play partners I have—both for business and for my own pleasure.
Misconceptions Of Being A Switch
The switch plight is pretty similar to the same weird shame culture surrounding proud and out bisexuals. We’re often thought of as competitive or greedy. There’s also the persistent desire to pigeonhole us as being either just dominants or submissives all the time. Or that we’re “in denial” about being submissives—that’s probably my favorite because it always makes me laugh.
How Do I Know If I’m A Switch?
There are tons of informal BDSM questionnaires all over the web and surely there’s some lengthy threads on Fetlife or Reddit to mine for research and consideration. But it’s really as easy as understanding and applying how you feel.
Do you enjoy being dominant sometimes? Do you enjoy being submissive sometimes? Are you comfortable leading the play if you’re established as the dominant? Are you comfortable allowing someone else to lead if and when you’re a submissive? Have you played enough to know the difference in what role you like and under what circumstances and with what type of other kinky roleplayer(s)? If you can answer yes to all of these, then you, my dear, may also be a switch.
Can One Be A Switch In Vanilla Relationships?
Absolutely! It may not come up as often or be something that you recognize as switch tendencies with particular power dynamics, but vanilla relationships still offer opportunities for kinky play and thus more experiences for both of you to switch. For instance, you may find that you initiate sex more than your partner or perhaps you’re more vocal during sex than your partner so you end up directing more of what takes place such as, “Spank me while you fuck me like that!” or “Pull my hair!” or “I love it when you let me spit in your mouth.”
Maybe you love that your partner is inherently more dominant or submissive with you and it’s the entire driving force of your relationship but you’re allowed to be a brat sometimes and top from the bottom or there’s just a natural trade off that you both are comfortable with where neither has to be dominant or submissive when they don’t want to be. Whatever the case, there’s always the possibility to flow from your typical type of dynamic to something else. Don’t be afraid to switch it up!
Tips To Follow When Exploring Being A Switch
Figure out your boundaries—or your hard limits! I can’t stress that enough with people who are new to kink because unfortunately, we live in the reality post-50 Shades of Grey where every other person on Tinder thinks they’re a dominant! But you need to know what you’re not willing to do and have firm and clear lines of communication so that all parties stay safe and happy; never be afraid to pull the plug on play if you feel that your boundaries have been crossed. After that, have fun with it!
Being a switch is the ultimate chameleon ability so enjoy it with people who make you feel sexy, safe, secure and affirmed! You don’t have to turn every date into a kink marathon where all parties try to be more dominant or more submissive like a weird kinky practice session. Focus more on the experience you’d like to have with individuals who are already either submissive or dominant and know their strengths and weaknesses in those roles.
Focus on those who you already know that you enjoy their company and that they will remain safe during kink sessions and not push you unconsensually past your limits. Decide on a couple of types of kinks you’d like to explore or indulge in—like sensory deprivation, light bondage, and breath play—and spend time in both the submissive and dominant role.
As the would-be lovechild of Grace Jones and Morrissey, Atlanta-native Dakota Harper now dazzles privately as Philadelphia, PA’s premier professional kinky switch escort and alternative lifestyle companion. With an affinity for everything from old school anime to high end lingerie, a velvet touch and a honey tongue, she’s sure to leave a lingering impression in more ways than one. Get in touch and make her your new Muse de Mid-day today via DateDakotaHarper@gmail.com.
Luxury and discretion feel very natural to me. A person’s private indulgences should be private. It is only when we feel truly safe and secure in comfortable surroundings that we can really open up to another person, sexually or emotionally, and that’s where the fun and excitement really begin.
How Popular Is Companionship In UK?
Friendship with benefits is popular the world over, isn’t it?! Certainly here in the UK it’s very popular. Sex is great, but have you been on holiday with your girl, dining at the finest establishments, seeing her all dressed up for the theatre, meeting her fun, happy friends in cocktail bars and having threesomes with them later, been skydiving and wine-tasting and sunbathing and played golf with her? Sometimes even taking a nap with someone can be as intimate as sex.
What Makes Me An Ideal Companion
I am an elegant, affectionate, sensual hedonist and elite, discreet dating companion… a blonde, ultra-feminine and authentically kinky English rose. I have a big, adventurous heart, and look for the same in others. I particularly enjoy sharing ideas, jokes and friendly conversation over dinner and cocktails after we have got to know each other more intimately in private.
I know that most people like to do dinner first, and then sex, but I’m the other way around! I feel so much more able to chat to someone over a plate of oysters when we have seen each other naked and worked up an appetite.
Our Ideal Itinerary To Spend UK Together
I’m the kind of girl who enjoys a lavish getaway in thoughtful company every once in a while. After a few days at a 5* hotel, it starts to feel like home and the staff start to feel like friends. In order to avoid this, you can stay at two different places over the course of a week, maybe in different areas so you have more to explore.
I’m a real foodie. I like to take the opportunity to visit the best restaurants wherever I’m going; in London of course, the list is practically endless, although I do have a good list that I’ve put together on my website. I like to go to the ballet or opera or to see a really good play, go to any interesting exhibitions that are on – there’s always something at the V&A, and usually at the National Galleries too. The National Gallery also does interesting little arty events and tours that I’ve always enjoyed a lot. I like art but I don’t know much about it so I like to have a knowledgeable person show me round the pieces and explain them to me.
Nightclubs and parties like Torture Garden can really spice things up and are a fun excuse to get really dolled up in the most scandalous outfits – the sort of thing I would normally only wear in the bedroom!
The most unique thing I’ve ever done on holiday with a client was a sponsored skydive over Stonehenge for charity. To my own surprise, I actually loved it and would definitely do it again. We both had to go and have a lie-down afterwards, though! Sometimes it’s nice just to grab a coffee and go shopping or for a walk in the park.
What You Can Expect From My GFE
They can expect me to always make them jump out of planes. Kidding. I’m always warm and friendly because I love connecting with nice people. It’s romantic. I look for a genuine connection, not lukewarm, robotic hook-ups. A fling can be fun but the chemistry that builds up over a series of dates can’t be beaten. It’s powerful and exciting.
If I’m hosting a first date or a tenth date in my hotel room, I like to light scented candles and have the champagne on ice ready for my date’s arrival. It’s a nice way to show you care and create a mysterious and seductive little world to enjoy for a couple of hours.
We Can Kink Things Up Too!
I have a “bad girl” side to me, as well as the “good girl” side you see in public. My favourite personal fantasy is the idea of a nice, normal, well-dressed man who seem respectable to the outside world but has a naughty secret or two he keeps private.
Maybe he likes to wear lingerie, or be tied up and spanked, I don’t know. Anything, really. I just love that it’s something that not everyone knows about. That really gets me going. So if someone wants to share their kinky secret with me over a bottle of Dom, I’m all ears.
My name is Lilly Watson, and I am a lady of leisure and upscale companion for friendly meetings and adventures in London and beyond. Interests include vintage glamour, cinema, fine dining, the theatre, shopping, history, playing golf (very badly) and socialising with friends in opulent hotels and restaurants. I also have a particular passion for threesomes.
I believe, to enjoy a gangbang, you have to really enjoy sex and have chemistry with participants!
What Do You Love?
I personally love sex with the right partner…and love wild crazy sex.
How Realistic Are Gangbangs In Porn?
Gangbangs in porn are pretty real…but it’s porn so not everyone is going to finish at the same time…so that aspect is a little faked.
Who Does The Work In A Gangbang?
In gangbangs, the girl is getting lots of action so I let the guys do the work.
One Tip Before A Gangbang
Definitely not to eat before then!
What Must You Know Before Trying
It helps if you know the guys you gonna be dealing before the gangbang.
Hello my name is Bethany Benz. I’m a glamour model/actress and adult actress!!! I’ve been featured in mainstream magazines/websites music videos, reality TV…and many adult films!!! I love life and enjoy what I do to the fullest!!!
I think two important elements to the date itself are an activity, and some kind of food. Interacting with someone in those two scenarios already tell you a lot about a person. Outside of that, if I’ve laughed, I’ve found common ground, and been able to have a small debate without anyone being put out, I consider a date a success.
Assuming there’s nothing life path-wise that’s getting in the way of continuing a relationship, and our bedroom interests line up at least a little, those are the next most important criteria to meet for me!
How Important Are First Impressions?
First impressions are important, but not unrecoverable! A good rule of thumb is that for every negative ‘point’ you acquire in your initial impression, expect it to take about twice the work to undo. As well, it’s important to remember that small awkward slips are often easily laughed off and bonded over!
There is a big difference between leaving being a genuinely negative impression and the silly awkward stuff that happens a lot on first dates!
Expectations I Have For My Date
On a personal level, I like to lay it all out on the table to any relationship that I am considering for serious, long term purposes. I want to know if our life paths are compatible! Kids, marriage, relationship responsibilities and boundaries, and so on.
I also need a partner that is able to stimulate my mind, someone who cares about things, and is knowledgeable about them. This goes just as much for girls as guys!
Common Mistakes Men Make On Dates
Most common mistakes I think relate back to being too tense or formal. If you treat a date like you’re just hanging out with a friend, I find it typically goes better. Especially early on, there’s little point in putting so much pressure on yourself for it to work out, it’s best to just relax and enjoy whatever you’ve decided on doing together!
Can There Be Too Much Flirting On Dates?
On a good date, I don’t think so! Everybody’s going to have different boundaries though. It’s important to communicate if you’re feeling uncomfortable, and listen for when the other party is trying to communicate that too.
Awkward Dating Experiences I’ve Had
Most of the awkward situations with dates I’ve been on have broken down to a lack of clear communication. Usually due to me not being aware the guy was aiming for a date!
One of the best pieces of advice I have to give is to make sure everyone is on the same page. It’s better to clarify now and perhaps cause a bit of awkwardness than it is to find out a boundary was breached or there was a big misunderstanding about something later on.
Vylentine is an online sex worker, gamer, and streamer. They have spent over 3 years in the online space building up a reputation for being witty, sexy, and very opinionated. Vy is always happy to talk vampires, politics, sex work, or games of any kind and often bounces between such topics on their stream! Most of their video catalogue is kink focused, and they are able to accommodate almost any desire you can think of.
