Hmmm that word “correctly” might make some people uncomfortable. There is a misconception that there is a right and wrong way to “play”. While there are safety and consent rules that should be followed, the only people who make the rules are the ones involved in the scene or relationship. The way you choose to play may be different from others and as consenting adults, we must respect each other and accept all the different kinks and fetishes out there. Although there is definitely a “correct” way to spank!
There are some specific types of play that require more training and understanding of the human body to ensure safety, health and wellbeing of all involved (such as breath play, sounding, BB, spanking, needle/hooks/knives, rope, electro play and more). Irreversible damage can be done if play is not practiced safely and properly (for example in a medical scene you must use sterile equipment). To learn more about different types of play, I recommend watching and learning from educational sites such as KinkAcademy or firsthand from professionals, practicing and playing with/on yourself + consenting partners, and most importantly – always have FUN!
KINK and BDSM scenes and sessions are meant to be fun playtime with friends, not a painful chore! If you’re not enjoying yourself, then stop to take a moment, COMMUNICATE your feelings, be open and honest with yourself and play partners, listen to your own body and needs, and once you feel prepared, continue to journey deeper into the exploration of pleasure and PLAY again and again 🙂
Common Mistakes Made By Beginners When Learning BDSM
Often people think they have to try it all, or are too afraid to try. They put all their eggs in one basket thinking they only like this one thing, and then when they do try they, end up disappointed because it wasn’t as expected. People may not understand what the kinks or fetishes are, the different roles or how they themselves fit into this world. They may not know how to negotiate a safe word, talk about limits or even recognize the importance of aftercare.
Newbies are often seen jumping in without pre-negotiation of a scene, researching for the right person to dom/sub with, getting themselves into fast, abusive, or catfish relationships, or tricked financially, thus getting hurt in the process. BDSM is ultimately about trust, consent and communication. Choose wisely the people you play with, and do your homework if you are seeking out professional services. Have an idea about the things you like/dislike and start to see, feel and understand how your body reacts. Take note and go from there.
First and foremost, listen to yourself! Trust that only you know what is best for you, and if anyone is making you uncomfortable in the world of kinky BDSM playtime, know that you have the power to end the scene. If you’re curious about this world, then start by going your own way. Start living the life you have always wanted. Start doing the things you enjoy. Just be free to be you. No one can stop you. Your sexuality is a part of who you are and no one can shame you for what you like because pleasure is your birthright. Be proud to be a kinkster and enter the #portaltofreedom
Come On & Explore Your Kink With Me
I am an educator first and foremost. A nurturing and patient teacher, strict, sadistic yet loving Mommy Dom, here to guide you on your journey towards sexual freedom. My style is ever changing as I am the Queen of Opposites, and I conduct sessions at My leisure in English and Mandarin.
If you are prepared to change your life through submission and kinky playtime, then I am the one for you. If you want to learn or improve your English or Chinese + learn how to communicate your sexual needs and desires through the eyes of kink, then I am the one for you. If you are ready to embrace your sexuality and unleash your power, then I am the one for you. If you want to feel different than you do now, then I am the one for you.
LOVE Queen Layla is an exuberant and esoteric Eurasian Dominatrix, Language (Mandarin & ESL) and Sex Educator, Performer and Motivational Speaker. She is the founder of 4L Solutions, a global company advocating for sexual health and wellness through education, workshops, coaching and performances. She transforms taboos surrounding sex, darkness and transformation on the aural #portaltofreedom with inspirational stories and monthly guests as host of sexuality podcast Punani Productions. Dare to be free. Surrender and free yourself. Enter the Portal: Magical Kingdom for Sexual Freedom
Personally, I find kinky playtime and BDSM to be both a healing modality and a healthy, fun way to release from the pressures of everyday life. An escape to a world of fantasy, excitement and pleasure with someone you trust while knowing that you can stop at any time. A place where power is exchanged and surrender leads to transcending yourself. When I play, along with My subs, I also enter the #portaltofreedom and after each encounter, I am changed just like them. I grow as they grow and we all learn from each other. I believe that sexuality is at the core of who you are and when you “Embrace Your Sexuality”, you “Unleash Your Power” (this is the name of the workshop I am currently writing and taking global in 2021).
In the realm of kink and BDSM, there is love and acceptance and it is here that I found Myself, discovered My love and passion for exploring ALL bodies while helping people find pleasure in all kinds of naughty ways, ending shame and stigma around STIs, kink/BDSM, educating on safe practices and being a personal example and inspiration for people to reclaim self love and empowerment and celebrate their sexuality.
Just this year I founded 4L Solutions, a global company advocating for sexual health and wellness through education, workshops, coaching and performances. I am the creator of the new method #KinkyChinese & #KinkyEnglish which bridges the gap between second language learning, sexuality, kink/BDSM and communication between partners. I started the sexuality podcast Punani Productions to transform taboos surrounding sex, darkness and metamorphosis through inspirational personal stories and monthly guests. My philosophy is: Live Your Life. Love Above All. Laugh Daily. Learn & Transcend.
How I Started Exploring Kink
Funny you ask, I had no idea I was into kink until I moved to NYC in 2013 and started My dominatrix career in 2015. I worked in a dungeon while also teaching privately (Can you believe I am an 18 year veteran educator! I feel forever young!) and took professional training to further My skills and expertise in the arts of the Dominatrix. After one particular training I had a flashback memory of My first time at a fetish party in Vancouver, Canada during University when I was 19 years old. I remembered being invited to a “fetish party”, had no idea what that was, and they said “just wear black!” and so I went. To be honest I had no idea what to expect and was weirded out by the crowd. In the midst of the darkness and heavy techno music, I saw men wearing corsets and all kinds of things, went outside, met a hot girl with star pasties, and thought ok this party isn’t so bad… Went back in and all of a sudden saw a red light leading somewhere new, and started to hear a sound… a sound I never heard before, but it drew Me in. I went down the stairs into a dimly lit room where a crowd surrounded a bench where a girl was getting spanked. I thought it was so beautiful I started to reach out and tell them, but someone yanked my arm back and said “Hey, you can’t interrupt a scene!”
I had no idea what that was all about, thought that it was odd that I couldn’t tell them how I felt so made My way back upstairs and ended up dancing the night away. After that I never returned to a fetish party during college or even thought about all the crazy things I witnessed. However subconsciously, I must have enjoyed it because I was always dressing as a “dominatrix” for Halloween years after graduating. Even now the sound of a whip cracking still gives Me the shivers while simultaneously puts a devilish grin on My face. I giggle and get excited just thinking about it…
Another fun fact: I have a magnet of the painting Gabrielle d’Estrées et une de ses soeurs that I purchased at the Louvre in Paris when I was 12 years old on a family trip with My own money. I still have it to this day. I guess this means I have been drawn to nipples ever since I was a teenager and have been kinky all My life 🙂
Challenges I Faced When Learning About BDSM
We all know that BDSM stands for Bondage & Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadism and Masochism. Initially I had no idea about any of this world before moving to New York after being raised with traditional values in a multicultural household in Beijing, China. I had heard some things but never experienced it first hand. As a natural dominant, I was always a leader throughout My life – in the classroom, the workplace, the bedroom.
When I started working at the dungeon I only experienced being the dominant, and never learned much about submission and the reasons behind it. I knew that when I did My training I wanted to experience submitting because I realized what I was doing was so powerful; that even though I was new and inexperienced, I already had the innate ability to bring My clients to another level and guide them in transformation. I realized that to be a good dominant, you need to experience and understand submission along with the power that both roles hold in this beautiful relationship.
In many places of training, you must first begin as a submissive before you can enter the role of the dominant. During My training, I wanted to feel this “sub space” and finally understand what the hype was about. I had heard that entering “sub space” could be even more enlightening than drugs and is in a way like a drug in itself. When a body experiences intense sensations (for example impact play), naturally there are internal reactions that generate a release in the forms of sweat, tears, giggling, shaking…etc. and one cannot control how long it takes to get out of “subspace” and back to one’s usual self (it can range anywhere from five minutes up to an hour or even longer for some). As I have an extremely low pain tolerance, I agreed to a light spanking on a cool massage table that was hanging in mid-air by chains from the ceiling. Looking back now, I was definitely “topping from the bottom” saying “do it this way, do it that way” but at the end, I felt so peaceful, and said thank you. As I turned onto My back, My teeth started chattering uncontrollably and tears flowed out of my eyes, down My face and I couldn’t move. They brought Me blankets and told Me I was loved, and I felt like a load of negative energy was lifted, healing came to My body, all the hurt and pain that I went through was gone, all the anger was gone, I was floating.
That day I understood what subspace was, what deep and profound transformations BDSM playtime can bring, and what it means to submit and transcend, hence My tagline: “Dare to be free with Me. Surrender and free yourself.” By the way, after that spanking is when I had the memory of the fetish party. Better not get it twisted though readers, only I do the spanking during My playtime!
Part 2 to follow…
LOVE Queen Layla is an exuberant and esoteric Eurasian Dominatrix, Language (Mandarin & ESL) and Sex Educator, Performer and Motivational Speaker. She is the founder of 4L Solutions, a global company advocating for sexual health and wellness through education, workshops, coaching and performances. She transforms taboos surrounding sex, darkness and transformation on the aural #portaltofreedom with inspirational stories and monthly guests as host of sexuality podcast Punani Productions. Dare to be free. Surrender and free yourself. Enter the Portal: Magical Kingdom for Sexual Freedom
We’re all familiar with the concept of a spoiled brat, but do you know what it means to be a brat in BDSM? For submissives who want to spice it up a little during sex play, being a brat can be exhilarating, as you get to let your naturally playful personality shine while engaging in BDSM. Moreover, being a brat is a great way to get your dom’s attention, since you have to playfully provoke them to get the reaction that you desire. If you want to take on a submissive role that’s a bit sassier than usual, here’s what you need to know about being a brat in BDSM.
What does it mean to be a brat?
A submissive who’s a brat loves to push their dom’s buttons by breaking the rules. But it’s not about being blatantly disobedient – it’s more about being mischievous. Your dom is called a brat-tamer, and the brat-tamer’s role is to punish the brat for bad behavior, usually with some impact play, prolonged edging, or restraints. During a scene, a brat can be a spoiled student who refuses to listen to their teacher, or a little girl who doesn’t want to follow what their daddy says, so it also works if you have a DDLG dynamic.
Before engaging in brat and brat-tamer BDSM, talk to your dom about it so that they know how to respond accordingly to your behavior and to have some rules in place. Next, get into the submissive head space by wearing kinky clothing and accessories, such as kawaii lingerie, a school girl outfit, some thigh highs, or a collar. Once you’ve established boundaries and are properly geared up, get ready to act out a scene with your dom.
How to act it out
To act all bratty, start by pestering your dom while they’re engaged in other tasks. Try sending a naked picture of yourself while they’re on a call, or if they’re at work, send them naughty text messages demanding for them to come home so they can pamper you. You can also refuse or ignore commands, or do something to rile your dom up. For instance, you can fling their shoes towards the other side of the room, and tell your dom, “Yes, I threw your shoes. What are you gonna do about it, daddy?” Say it with a grin, and in a cheeky way, rather than in a bitchy manner. You can also speak in a higher tone to engage your bratty side. Later, take your punishment like the spoiled baby that you are.
Being a brat makes being a submissive extra fun, so try the brat/brat-tamer dynamic with your dom the next time you engage in BDSM. Be playful, have fun with it, and unleash your inner brat to get what you desire.
I’ve always had a complicated relationship with sex, but I don’t think I am abnormal in that respect. I know that I find it difficult to climax and yet I am almost always aroused. It’s quite frustrating sometimes. But looking back, I think this has made me a better escort and a better fetish model. I feel quite relaxed with other peoples (mostly guys) kinks. Even the strangest requests do not really freak me out. I don’t think I’m jaded. I am still very young. But I am tolerant of deviancy. To me, being a pervert is normal and most importantly honest.
So I guess you could say that my sexual desire and appetite and fulfilment is achieved through another person. I’m like an orgasm cuckoo haha. But, that’s not to say that I am selfish in the bed at all. Now that I think about it, it’s quite odd. I don’t have personal relationships with boyfriends etc, I am in a relationship with my kink. That kink is deviancy. Mm…not sure if you can understand that? I am a work in progress 🙂
How I Started Producing Fetish Content
I met my favourite producers Benson Media who I think are unique in the adult industry. The founder Simon Benson has been in the industry for 20 years and is a famous BDSM illustrator. I saw some of his drawings when I was much younger and they stirred something inside. Many years later when we met, I was so in awe. And yet, he and his company are very down to earth. I guess they took me under their wing and I was allowed to discover and understand more about my kinky side.
I was shown that my kinky side is the real me and nothing to be ashamed of. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t spend 24/7 in a mist of latex and leather. But I certainly feel relaxed about my perverse thoughts. We co-produce my Onlyfans and launched my own porn websitecherrythedoll.com which I consider ‘my place’ where all my inner fantasies can be played out for others to enjoy 🙂
We launched Cherrythedoll during lockdown so it was quite intense being locked in with a director, shooting every day but I loved every minute of it. I would love to live in a fetish bubble, like a walled compound of sorts haha!
Favorite Content Produced So Far
My website has 5 themes – Cute, Fetish, Toys, The Doll and POV. These are the four main fetishes I am interested in. The fifth, ‘Fetish’ is a catch all. My favourite of all these themes is ‘The Doll’. It’s dark, creepy and I guess it has all my fantasies intertwined. It has a loose linear storyline, so it’s exciting to see in what direction it will go.
The scripts are written by Simon Benson so they are quite twisted and creepy – in a sexy cool way. The Doll has DDlg / ageplay themes. So it’s taboo and controversial. But I think viewers should understand that this content truly represents my thoughts and fantasies. It’s definitely not victim driven or anything that seeks to promote anything unlawful.
What’s The Process Of Creating A Video Like?
Firstly, we discuss the script. The script is important as I have to give some kind of performance. Then we look at props. Props are important as they set the tone for the scene. For example, we filmed a scene with a creepy dolls head with a rubber dildo attached. It was quite a weird looking object in itself. Obviously the entire scene was dominated by this prop, it created energy and kind of drove the action within the scene. Simon made the ‘dildo doll’ himself haha!
We shoot on a main camera and a b-camera. We shoot ProRes on a Blackmagic using 16mm cine primes which gives a nice filmic look and usually the b-camera is a GH4 or a GoPro. Sound is captured off camera. Benson Media handle all the post production – thank god!! It’s a lot of editing time 🙂 I much prefer to play with my doggy and PS4 instead haha!
Being Open To Exploring My Kink
I have no boundaries. There are some things I don’t do on camera for legal reasons. But I spend a lot of time in Japan where most things I am interested in are acceptable as long as you exercise discretion. It’s a bit of a cliche, but your sex life is a journey. It twists and turns throughout your life. So why not go with your feelings?
Cherry English – Fetish Model, International Companion and Maiko
I enjoy being tied up. With my partner we practice Japanese inspired rope bondage – Kinbaku. It started as a casual bedroom play, and developed over time into something very special – very deep and intimate way of communication between us which i cannot compare to anything else really. In Kinbaku I found a very special – ritualistic – space where i can enjoy playing with power exchange – offering myself, surrendering myself to the will of my partner.
Outside of Kinbaku ritualistic space, we are a normal couple. We decide on many things together and ask each others’ advices and support. In Kinbaku space, we allow ourselves to play different roles, to open up and be vulnerable and touch on our “shadow” parts, the parts that maybe we don’t fully understand or accept about ourselves. We can play with fear and shame and other dark emotions. Sometimes, it touches some very sensitive parts.
In Kinbaku, we use the ropes for inducing the impact on the body and mind of the person being tied – that would be me. Over time, I definitely developed a fetish for a feeling of rope on my body. I love everything about it: its smell, touch, sound, its versatility – for all the different qualities and emotions it can convey, when it’s in the hands of my partner…
Why I Love Rope Bottoming
In ropes, I seek to surrender. It is erotic to me, to be desired, to be taken. I enjoy being “made” into a beautiful thing for the pleasure of my rigger. I want to become a clay and I want to be touched, moved, split open, taken, rejected, objectified, worshipped, penetrated… Ultimately, I seek to surrender to the core of my being, to the point of dissolving my mental resistance and becoming nothing but a pulsating body, like one of the plants of the flower. On the way there, it might call out different emotions in me, sometimes it is hot as fuck, sometimes, it calls out a layer of deep sadness…
We do Seme-nawa – “challenging ropes”, those that have power to move something in me, to melt me, to transform me into something else. I don’t seek pain, I do seek challenge. Challenge that brings me to my limits, to my resistance, my fears and my choices. When I’m up there and no way to move, no way to breathe properly, and my fear is so haptic – I can touch it – only choice is left to surrender to what is happening. This intensity brings me back to myself, reminding me that the truth is what I feel, not what I think I should feel. This intensity I rarely experience in “normal” life and this is one of the gifts that rope gives me. It is cleansing, and softens me.
I think one part of this “cleansing” is about having a space for “Drama”, having a space to discharge emotions, especially dark destructive emotions, that I get to accumulate throughout the day… Anger, hate, self-hate, fear, anxiety…? We are not supposed to show such feelings in social situations, we are almost denied to have them, but they are there. It is a blessing to have a space to live them out through crying, sweating, shaking – there is a feeling of relief and lightness that often comes afterwards.
How My Interest In Rope Bottoming Start
My partner – who was already engaged with BDSM before – introduced me. The story was, I saw the photograph on the wall of the girl tied up – so I asked him what that was and he said, “I’ll show you, baby” and I liked what he showed me. There was something about the feeling of rope from the very first moment it touched my skin. There was something about the rope being so powerful, that it felt right for me to obey to what it wanted. I just had to follow my desire and discover more of that. This is how it started.
At the beginning, I had a phase of confusion. At that time – almost 10 years ago – it was difficult to find any teachings, workshops or books, anything really – about rope bottoming. However, I had a very clear and strong desire for rope, I was confused in many aspects: how to handle pain or bad emotions, or how to communicate with my partner, or what exercises I needed to stay safe and healthy – not so unimportant aspects after all…
I had to learn by doing and that wasn’t always easy. At that time, I dealt a lot with embodiment – developing a capacity for feeling inside of your own body, for living through my own body, so to say. That has changed my approach to rope bottoming – I was getting deeper and deeper into my own body, feeling my feelings, living my own “story” with rope, concentrating less on what I thought I “should” do. I hope it makes sense! For me it was a turning point in my rope bottoming. This is also the journey that I write in my book about.
Reasons Beginners Should Join A Rope Bottoming Class To Learn
For several reasons… First of all, raising the awareness and the self-responsibility – in rope bondage, being tied up, we are not a “passive” object, but there are always shared risks and shared responsibility with the rigger. For instance, when it comes to safety. The technical skills of the rigger are of course very important, but they just don’t feel your limps the way you feel them. Therefore, it is also your own responsibility to learn what you can do to stay safe and healthy when playing with rope bondage.
When it comes to rope bottoming, I believe this is a somatic practice. It is something that we learn with our bodies, over time. And that with a bit of effort and exercise, you can improve and deepen your own experience.
I don’t think one has to attend the bottoming classes in order to be tied up. One can do just fine without it. However, I think there is not enough awareness of how much learning actually there is possible if one wants to take rope bottoming seriously and advance on this pathway. I have often heard rope bottoms saying, “I started as a rope bottom, but then I wanted to grow, so I started to tie”. I don’t think that becoming a rigger is the only possibility to grow for the rope bottom. I think there is a lot to learn and to discover on the pathway of “just” being a rope bottom.
I believe, “good” rope bottoming takes time, practice, and patience. Good, in a sense, that it’s fulfilling, enriching, and deep play – for yourself and your partner. That’s just my personal opinion.
It is not just something that your rigger brings to you or “does” with you. You, your attitude, your mindset also will affect the session tremendously. You co-create the sessions together with your partner.
My teaching for bottoms is not aiming for the “right answer for everybody”, but rather about assisting you to find right answers in your body. We are unique and our reasons, why and how we enjoy the rope, are very different. There is not “one answer fits all” approach. Rather the intention of going deeper with yourself.
How A Typical First Session Is Like
The first session in ropes? I guess that can look very different as people are different… there is not really such a thing as a “typical” session I would say. People have very different desires and intentions for playing with ropes. How about instead, I could share my suggestions for those who are new, what they could do to enjoy the first session and avoid having a bad experience.
Slow down! Learn properly how your body reacts in ropes before increasing the intensity – by going in the air, for instance. Many want to experience the suspension right away. I believe, if you take it slow in the beginning, you grow your self-trust and self-knowledge, that would later allow you to “relax” into and really enjoy the suspension later.
Go slow, do less. Define what your comfort zone is (the amount of impact that you are pretty sure you can process) and communicate it as your limit. For instance, this sounds to me like a reasonable limit for a very first session: short (10-15 minutes); low intensity: floor work, no suspension; just 1-2 ropes, without gagging and blindfolding. You will get enough of the impact to process, believe me!
You can always be tied up again, but you won’t be able to reverse something that was too much. Take your time to integrate, up to a few days. You will feel how your body and your mind react, what is happening with you afterwards.
Advice For My Rope Bottoming Classes
Some more advices for the beginners, maybe?..
Learn from the beginning to show up in the process. I do not mean to take a control of the session. By showing up, I really mean expressing yourself, how you feel, what is happening with you: physically, emotionally.
Develop your way of expressing yourself depending on what feels natural to you, so that you keep your rigger in the loop as to how you are doing, using your tone of voice, breathing, moaning, making sounds, movements, you can let them know when you are close to the limit. Generally, if you don’t show up in the process, you risk that your partner will do too much or too little…
Natasha NawaTaNeko is an accomplished rope bottom and educator – together with her partner @discoverkinbaku they teach and perform internationally. In Kinbaku, Natasha is looking for true emotions and authenticity and sees rope bondage as deeply intimate and erotic practice that has also a profound transformational potential. Natasha recently published a book sharing her experience with being tied up: “Somatics for Rope Bottoms”.
There is a book I wrote about rope bottoming and its potential for personal, intimate self-inquiry: called “Somatics for Rope Bottoms”. The book consists of 12 essays – Somatic Inquiries – inspiring the readers to look for the answers in their own body and re-claim their agency for the most important decisions that come up when we decide to explore kink. The book is available for purchase on Amazon in both Paperback and E-book formats.
I also offer coaching for rope bottoms if they like to tackle specific topics they are struggling with, also online through Skype. The information can be found on my website RopeSomatics.com
Sex is an art to me. It is a form of expression and creativity, passionate, lustful and pure pleasure. It is about connecting and exploring with your partner(s), yourself and/or your audience.
Sex In Porn Doesn’t Represent Off-Camera Sex. True or False?
It’s both. My passion and desire to please my partners and co-stars is the same on or off camera. I look at porn as a performance and porn stars as sexual athletes. A lot of performers have talents that we have been practicing and have spent time honing our craft like other artists and athletes.
There are definitely some “don’t try this at home” aspects to our profession. Also, with porn there is a shot list, script and an entire film and production crew on set so things are going to be different than spontaneous situations in real life. All that to say though, there are many aspects inspired by real life or sometimes we just put the camera on a tri-pod and invite fans to see how we fuck without the whole set… I am still doing acrobatic positions though!
Can We Learn From Porn?
Absolutely!
There are two things you can learn from anybody, what to do and what not to do. There are so many different positions, sex acts, and rhythms!
#1 Important Thing I Have Learnt From Porn
Patience. On set you have to be patient for a number of different reasons and there is never a bad time to be a patient lover on or off camera.
3 Favorite Porn Scenes To Learn From
Watch “Orally Yours” with Jet Setting Jasmine for all things oral from kissing and pussy earring to spit play!
“Rewards & Punishment” w/Xerlina Devine for Dom/sub dynamics, impact play, squirting and snowballing; and
“Properly Stretched Out” w/ Sarah Lace for some athletic and fully stretched positioning!
Is There A Secret Behind Staying Hard Longer?
No secret.
It’s all about learning and mastering your own body.
Final Sex Tips From King Noire
Be Yourself Unapologetically!!!!
Do what pleases your partners, makes you fell good and makes you happy. Porn is inspiration but does not have to be your only resource. Find what works for you and just make sure it’s safe and consensual.
King Noire – Master Fetish Trainer | Renaissance Fornicator | Sultan of Stroke | Artist |
Kink, BDSM and submission are an integral part to my identity and it’s not something I just practice in the bedroom. It’s a lifestyle and I would be deeply unhappy if I ignored this part of myself.
My Journey Into Kink…
I already had submissive desires when I was still a child. I noticed this when playing games like cops and robbers, as I liked getting chased and caught and I had fantasies about being tied up or restrained. At first, I didn’t know what this meant. Though I realized rather quickly that it wasn’t ‘normal’ for everyone to feel like this.
I struggled with insomnia from a young age and my parents gave me a television so I could watch something to help me fall asleep. So on one night that I couldn’t sleep, I ended up on a sex documentary in which a woman was trying to spice up her sex life. She went to a rather big sex store, visited a dungeon and tried out a kidnapping scenario. At some point, the term kink was mentioned and suddenly I had something to identify with.
I remember playing with my Lego one day and as I tied this tiny Lego man I realized I was way too young to be involved in anything kinky. Simultaneously, I felt like my thoughts and desires were disgraceful and told myself that no one could ever find out. I was really afraid of what would happen if my parents knew so I tried to bury my feelings and forget I ever had them.
I was able to repress my desires for months at a time but no matter what I did, they would always resurface. I found that it was easiest for me if I didn’t think about kink at all but when I did, I would go onto the internet and read erotica or search in forums.
I hated being restricted by my age and literally counted down the years until I turned 18. Luckily, I was able to legally join another BDSM site when I was 16, where I got to speak to a Dom of around my age and who lived in my local area. He set me some tasks and I tried candle wax for the first time but I soon realized I identified as a lesbian and it didn’t feel right continuing a D/s type thing with him.
I couldn’t get in contact with any female dominants and stopped looking until I was 18 and able to join Collarme and Fetlife. Over the years, I spoke to a lot of accounts and people on the internet but none of those ever turned into what I hoped. The real change came for me when I went to a kink event at the start of 2020. Here, I was finally able to meet real people who were open minded and had some form of interest in kink that I could relate to.
What It Means To Be A Slave
I never thought I was a slave and was very opposed to the idea of being one whenever anyone suggested I might be. In my mind, a slave was someone who had no mind of her own and would follow all commands without question. I have my own opinions, likes and dislikes and didn’t want to be like that. While I was 100% certain of my submissive nature, being a slave went a bit too far.
The first time I spoke to a Mistress (when I was 18), she suggested I might be a slave after speaking to me for just a few days. I disagreed to some extend, arguing I had my own will and thus she called me a Slave, specifically with a capital S. When she said that I paused and opened up to the idea slightly. Maybe being a slave didn’t mean having to be mindless?
We lost touch and for a few years, I forgot about kinky terms completely, though remained certain I wanted to be someone’s submissive. It wasn’t until I started speaking to an online dominant when I was 22 that the term slave came up again. Similarly to the Mistress I’d spoken to, this dominant thought there was no question about my nature as a slave but once again, I was very reluctant to agree.
I think I was scared of the meaning of the word and what this would say about me. I was raised to be a strong and independent woman, yet here I was, craving to let someone else take control and to put their desires above mine. It was only after someone consistently showed me that it’s okay to have these desires that I was able to start accepting myself.
One of the tasks I was once set was to write the word slave on each of my wrists and to keep it there for an entire day. I went to the shop with my mum that day and felt incredibly self-conscious about my little secret. However, I was surprised to find that it made me feel good and even a little aroused, rather than anxious or embarrassed. This was one of the first moments that I felt connected to the term and in extension to a part of myself that I’d been repressing for so long.
I didn’t completely settle on wanting to be a slave then. Instead, I decided to simply see where things would take me. I did several tasks and explored different things and naturally found that I was rather suited to being a slave. I fully started identifying with the term when I stopped feeling ashamed and accepted myself for who I am.
My Experience & Sessions
I write about most of the tasks and sessions I’ve done on my blog. These have included needles, hot sauce, staples or even simply writing lines but I can share something I haven’t written about yet.
The second time I got to play with my current Mistress in person, she took me through two rooms in a dungeon and we did a few different things, first using a cross, then a suspension frame for a crotch rope and a spanking bench. All of it was fun, and then she sat down somewhere, took off her shoes and said it was time for me to lick her feet now. I don’t have a foot worship fetish at all, nor do I particularly like feet. She made a point of having worked out in her shoes that day, meaning her feet were smelly so I could clean them now. So I kneeled by her side and started licking / sucking her feet, which I’d never done before for anyone. And so my mind switched between worrying about whether I was doing it right and between the realisation that I was licking someone’s feet, which did in fact smell a little. Yet as I was doing it, and upon realising that I was actively pleasing her, I noticed that I enjoyed it and naturally slipped into my role as a slave.
People often ask me what I’m into and my interests are very broad. However, the thing I enjoy most is pleasing my Mistress, even if that’s through something I personally dislike doing, such as pleasing her feet.
Misconceptions About Slaves
The biggest misconception I’m constantly faced with comes from people who say that my sexuality doesn’t matter because I’m a slave. In other words, even though I’m a lesbian, they claim I should serve men the same way I can serve women (sexually and non-sexually). And so the real misconception here is that I don’t have a choice because I’m a slave.
People think that being a slave means you can be used by anyone and should be grateful if someone does. Everyone forgets that I choose to submit and that I choose the person who I submit to. I only choose to be the slave of said person and we make our own arrangements within that dynamic.
Advice & Tips To Explore Being A Slave
If there is one thing I wish I had done sooner, it’s attending local munches and kink events. My advice to anyone looking to explore kink is therefore be to attend local events, as this will hopefully provide you with a community. When you’re new to kink and interested in exploring the role of a slave, you can be very vulnerable and unfortunately, there are a lot of people out there looking to take advantage of you.
You can help prevent this from happening by surrounding yourself with the right people and in the local community people are being held accountable and can’t hide behind a screen. Of course, this is not possible at the moment so in the meantime, I would suggest having a look at different resources on the internet. I believe blogs in particular can be very valuable, as you’ll find ‘normal’ people writing about their experiences with kink and you can join in with the conversation.
My biggest tip is to try and connect with people, as they will help you embrace the wonderful lifestyle you might have been ashamed of all this time.
I’m ML, a 25-year old lesbian slave and blog about my journey. Roxy is my Mistress and I’m very excited to explore this new chapter with her. I’m a masochist and star in corporal punishment clips, such as caning, whipping and spanking. Please contact me if you are interested in a custom or want to hire me. Lastly, please check out my Onlyfans
Lately as well all know, it’s been harder than ever to hook-up with someone and enjoy a proper shag. If you’re struggling to find someone to have sex with in the UK, or if you’d like to try something new then UKSexContacts.com is the website made for you. It’s a website created with one goal and one purpose: to make meeting up for a fuck or two easier than ever for people living on the great island.
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What also differs members on UKSexContacts.com from other folks on other websites is that folks here are all horny and have no limits at all. You’ll meet countless horny girls who only want to please you and nothing else, have sex in public and in hotel hallways, try new things and get reckless in the bedroom with you. It’s a sea full of horny people and there isn’t a thing that should hold you back from diving right into it and having the time of your life.
Have I mentioned that UKSexContacts.com isn’t a cash-grabbing website and that registration is totally free? Yeah, you’ve heard that right, the creators are people like you and me and they just want to have some fun. There shouldn’t be any logical need to pay up if you want to meet someone online. So, even with having one of the largest and most respected communities online, UKSexContacts.com won’t charge you a dime. You should give it a go solely for that reason if not for others.
New things also await those who want to meet up with sex contacts in the UK. If you’re bored of having plain sex then you’re in luck because people on UKSexContacts.com are open to everything. Whether you want to have a go at threesomes, swinging, or if you want to have sex in public; girls here will be more than happy to try out stuff.
The most important thing to be said is that you need to be respectful towards other members as it’s a mature community, filled with a bunch of horny, but respectful people. Being nice and being a gentleman will get you a long way in meeting up with folks in the UK. There’s nothing a kind word won’t solve and there’s no girl that will shy away from a nice compliment.
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Are you tired of watching commercial porn? Is finding the perfect video to get off to becoming a tedious task? And most importantly: are you tired of masturbating by yourself? If the answer to any of these questions is positive then you’re in luck because I’ve got just the thing for you. Let me introduce you to the world of online masturbation with strangers. Yes, you’ve heard me right, that’s a thing and a thing that’ll change the way you jerk off forever on that note.
Firstly, what do I mean by masturbating with strangers online? The concept is simple, there are websites like Masturbate2gether.com which host girls and guys who want nothing more than to have some fun with a stranger online, girls and guys who get turned on by nothing more than sitting in front of their cameras. There are countless insanely hot babes who love fingering themselves while you are stroking your shaft at the same time.
All you have to do to find someone to masturbate together with online is visit masturbate2gether.com, register, find a chick that you dig the most, and dive into the action with her. She’ll be more than happy to get you off and she’ll be happy to cum as well. Whether you like blondes or brunettes, big boobs, or big booties; masturbate2gether.com will have a perfect pair for you. There are so many girls to choose from which makes it so much easier from finding a porn video on your standard porn tube. You’ll be jacking off in no time and you’ll be jacking off with a stranger as well.
The hotness of masturbating with someone online also comes from the anonymity and the surprise factor. You never know who you’ll match up with and it’s always the surprise factor that makes both of you wet at first. There’s nothing like unzipping your pants, searching for a smoking hot babe on masturbate2gether.com, and then masturbating with her until you both reach your climaxes. Jerking off to studio-produced xxx videos is a joke compared to this because you actually interact with someone, you’re making someone else wet because you’re jerking off and that’s nowhere to be found.
Now let me tell you something about babes that hang around on masturbate2gether.com. These are not your ordinary type of girls you meet in commercial porn. The girls that are on this site are one of a kind and to be found nowhere else. They are dying to please and they love nothing more than getting their man off. And put that aside, they’re all smoking hot. Their bodies are sublime, whether you like them thick or slim, busty or not, you’ll fall for each babe that you meet on your journey in masturbating with strangers.
What also differs these chicks from the ones you’re used to seeing and knowing is that they’re incredible in the bedroom. The things they’re capable of doing to themselves with their sex toys are going to glue your jaw to the floor and make your mouth water. They’re all experts when it comes to handling their dildos and vibrators; don’t even get me started on what they can do with their fingers. Experts with sex toys, and masters of fingering, they’ll make your every wish come true once you meet them online. They have no limits and their only wish is to make you cum harder than ever before. Once you see them in action you won’t need more than a couple of seconds to realize that masturbating with hot chicks online is the way to go.
So, forget about the scripted porn, forget about your usual tubes and head over to masturbate2gether.com to meet the girl from your wet dreams and masturbate with her online. Jerking off with strangers online has never been easier so what are you waiting for? Spice your masturbating game up and never look back, because masturbating with strangers online will get you off like nothing else and nothing ever will.
For me I see porn as another job. It has its pros and cons, it also can be fun and exciting and reach a part of yourself you never knew. Like another woman, you can step into being a new woman and life like changing a dress. For me it’s like, I have a ‘red and black dress”. Now, my red dress is like my normal all day behind the scenes, and all day every day dress such as being a mom with a 9-5 job. Now on the other hand, my black dress is where I can dance the night away and be a little naughty, fun, exciting and explore other talents I may have that never knew before and explore.
What Inspired Me To Go Into Porn
Since I was a young teen, I’ve always been into the entertainment industry in general. I started off in theater and fell in love with the audience and the lights and behind the stage, makeup, playing a role and than knowing I had the top five talent agencies in California. I felt proud and excited, like the “nothing could stop me now” feeling. I really loved how good I got with role play and improved. I than realized I had a passion for stand-up comedy and was writing my own material.
My first time on stage was open mic night, it was thrilling and it was a hit. I made everyone laugh. I then knew I had a true talent to entertain in anything if I set my mind to. I then became a mom of two but still felt my passion for entertainment. I then knew that as I got older, I had the power to drive men crazy with my beauty, sex appeal and personality, and felt like I’m way more deserving of a $12 an hour and tired of giving free pussy away, if ya feel me. LOL. Tired of being taken advantage of with my tight white pink pussy.
I have never had a complaint in bed. My performances always have been the best or one of the best so I tried out with cam modeling and felt like I rather feel the excitement and let people see my performances. I had a recruiter see me while camming and he loved me. He encouraged me to try out “porn” so I did my first paid porn. I performed so good and blew everyone’s mind. I loved how much gratitude the men had, like when roses are thrown after a performance. I drove them crazy, making seven men all cum in 17 minutes. I felt as if I have a power LOL.
When younger, I was always the ugly duckling and was made fun of for my over bite, but as Luda Chris states in his song, “She got a mean over bite”. I have confidence now that no matter how I look or was born, I can use it to my advantage and give the most amazing blow jobs! And even after giving birth to two and pregnant with three, that even after two vaginal births and one C-section, my body is still sexy and beautiful and being curvy is ok.
What Was It Like Starting Into Porn?
I started off very slow and trying to get to know myself more as a sexual entertainer. Sadly, like I mentioned, this industry can be rewarding and also has its challenges. Such as being raped in a store, and your friend you came with calls you a liar and slut and you wanted it and people that you work with are not living up to their word and don’t pay you or give the content and play you. Just like how a mechanic or car salesman will take more advantage of a woman rather than a man. Sadly, we as woman still are looked as dumb and gullible.
Men still forget how to treat women with respect and view them as equal or as a human being. Also, men just lining up and can be very overwhelming, especially when they are already saying they love you and wanna marry me. Then you have all the gossip and drama such as now everyone has STDs and don’t fuck that person because of this or that. All of us workers have to look out for each other and stop this madness. We all need to chill, have fun and make some money and be safe while doing it and be legit.
It’s hard to be in a relationship because the other person has to be cool with you doing porn and realize it’s a job in the end and doesn’t mean you don’t love the other person and the other people are trying to control you and tell you how to run your business. It’s like I may have been born a blonde but that doesn’t mean I’m not a smart business woman or know what I’m doing and then sadly, you find out later into the relationship that your now ex was touching your kindergarten daughter and having to go through the cops dcs court restraining order. Sadly, you can can never tell what happens in a porn stars’ life and can sadly never trust anyone. Why is NO never NO??
Misconceptions About Porn Stars
I’ve been experiencing lately, some shady producers. Like after you talk business and share some material pics or videos, then all a sudden you find out this guy really isn’t serious when he says yes, let’s work.
When indeed it really means you’re too fat to work for me you’re not good enough or you’re not fat enough! When I am sorry, but even big bitches can do better or just as good as a skinny bitch can and at the end of the day, pussy is pussy and ass is ass.
My Life Off Camera
I have my regular job as a mother and paying bills and taking my kids to school and homework and making sure they are good and safe and loved and running errands.
What I Wish The Industry Can Change
I think that we should encourage and help each other climb up the ladder in the industry. Share our knowledge and honest advice and share leads. Totally not okay to lead people on if you’re not serious.
We all have talent and why not add some good newbies that rock at their talent and not under estimate what anyone can do with their sexuality even if they are new or somewhat new into it. We are all a big freaky orgy family in the end.
Check Me Out!
Yea cant wait to see ya’ll at the AVN awards with my award Female Performer of the year!
