Firstly I’d like to establish that I consider myself a Kinkstress (Men are called Kinksters). Kink’s are alternative sexual practices, concepts and fantasies, whereas Fetish is more extreme, it is the obsession or fixation on an object one necessarily needs to be aroused. If I had a kinky inclination towards feet, I might occasionally like to touch or kiss or bathe someone’s feet. If I had a fetish for feet, they would be the thing which turns me on most, and I might even need them to be involved in sexual play to be aroused. Most objects or acts can be a kink or fetish, but the words are used rather interchangeably in society, so for the purposes of this article I will use Kink and Fetish interchangeably, but using the definition for kink.
My journey with Fetishes started early. Much like my sexuality, I identify as a Pansexual, and I think I knew I was interested in alternative sexual practices at an early age. I was four when I realized I liked girls. Though I didn’t “come out” until I was 24. We played kiss and catch at preschool and I thought it was ridiculous that boys chased girls and vice versa. The person I wanted to kiss and catch was a girl, my best friend, and she didn’t mind me kissing her. She even chased me sometimes and pecked me on the cheek, but I was told off several times by the boys that I was playing it “wrong”. I wasn’t a very confident child, but I didn’t think anyone had the right to tell me who I was allowed to like and not like.
Fast forward a few years to primary school, where I played Doctor/Nurse/Patient and mimicked the sexual acts I’d glimpsed on TV with male and female school friends, and with Barbie dolls. It seemed all relatively normal still then. I had a preference for playing the Doctor, for telling people that a certain sex position looked ridiculous and suggesting better ones… I was happy when I got my Ballerina Barbie, she was very flexible!
When I entered high school and began to experiment with masturbation, sexual fantasies were not far behind. They started off relatively benignly, a boy or girl I knew and fancied, a teenage or young adult celebrity I found arousing. I didn’t watch porn back then, the desktop in the lounge room of my family home was not the most private place. I think this helped me develop my imagination in a way I never had before. Running the same sexual “scripts” over again and again in my head began to lose their appeal. Snippets from TV and movies helped me understand what was possible, and what was desirable to others. But I relied largely on my imagination, and somewhat invented or guessed at what I found arousing. I’d picture a person in different clothing, lingerie, costumes, in different positions, saying and doing different things, and I realised there was almost no limit to what I could imagine. By 16, I was experimenting with nipple torture, mild pain play and breath play.
I started my first relationship at 17, and had sex for the first time at 18. My partner and I were together on and off for almost 5 years, and have remained close friends. He was a few years older than me, and had an extensive knowledge of pornography, including many fetishes. As our relationship and intimacy developed, we experimented with lots of facets of Fetish, from all the letters of BDSM (Bondage, Dominance, Sadism, Masochism) to anal play, impact play, femdom (female domination), pain play, role play, costume play, dirty talk, face sitting, toys on both of us, food play, sensory deprivation, temperature play, threesomes, tie and tease… and exhibitionism. It was liberating to be able to be open and honest with someone. I consider myself very lucky to have shared and learnt sexual knowledge with the partners I have had. I only realised after my first relationship ended, how “uncommon” much of my sex life had been. But, much like my sexuality, I didn’t feel I was doing anything wrong, merely doing what my body and brain enjoyed. I took onboard the mentality that some people like vanilla ice cream, some prefer chocolate, and very rare and special people want every flavour ice cream scooped into a big bathtub and to dive in head first! I’m probably the latter!
Since beginning work in the sex/adult industry, I have expanded my fetish repertoire to include over 50 different fetish practices. But even though I practice fetishes in my personal life, and certainly in my professional life, I am often confronted with new fetishes and say, “is that a thing?”. There is really no limit to fetishes. I’ve never met anyone who’s “tried them all” and certainly no one who “likes them all”. One’s sexual palette is similar to a taste palette, and everyone’s is unique. And like my mum always said, “You won’t know if you like it unless you try it”.
Evelyn Amoure: A debaucherous sweetheart. Lifelong lover of alternative sexual practices, turned purveyor of the flesh. Evelyn works as a Professional Pansexual Escort, providing men, women, trans and others with Companionship, Girl Friend Experiences, Erotic Massages and Fetish Play. A believer in body, sex and fetish positivity, she practices what she preaches! Everyone can be loved, and you can try to love everyone. Follow Evelyn at her website www.evelynamoure.com and on Twitter @EvelynAmoure
Catch her upcoming works on her blog:
- Anal Play and Hetero Men: Sexual Preference vs. Sexual Orientation.
- The Average Client: What to Except When You’re Expecting A Client
Featured image courtesy of Evelyn Amoure
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