I lost my virginity at a young age and it wasn’t as fun as I thought, and didn’t like the experience. Since then, I’ve had no interest in sex even when in relationships and it has been almost 8 years since my first time. Will I ever feel the want to have sex again?
You certainly can reclaim your desire and erotic joy in the wake of this difficult experience. But you are not likely to just spontaneously feel a desire to have sex again without consciously working on it.
When the nervous system is impacted by trauma, it will often shut down the arousal system to manage distressing effects. The good news is that the nervous system is always growing and changing in response to life experiences, so if you can start to provide your body with some safe, slow, joyful awakening touch, your desire can start to come alive again.
Go slowly, stay attuned to the needs of your body and spirit, and practice with yourself. It is so joyful to welcome erotic energy into our bodies and our lives, and know there is nothing you need to do with it and no one you need to share it with until you choose and you feel ready. If and when you want to explore erotic pleasure with another person, choose a safe and trusted person who will listen to you and guide you to listen to yourself.
Remember you can stop at any time during an erotic encounter. The most important thing is that you feel you can choose, at every step along the way. Your nervous system will only be able to develop a capacity to feel erotically alive again in an environment of safety and ongoing choice.
Have a question on your mind related to sex? Send them in to firstname.lastname@example.org!
Caffyn Jesse is a widely-respected teacher of sexuality. She teaches the Canadian Professional Somatic Sex Educator Training with Dr. Liam Snowdon. She offers a Certificate in Intimacy Education training to advanced students.
More resources: Caffyn’s book on Erotic Massage for Healing and Pleasure: http://www.amazon.com/Erotic-Massage-Healing-Pleasure-pioneering/dp/0973833211/ref=tmm_pap_title_0
and her video courses
Orgasmic Mastery for Men : http://www.erospirit.ca/product/orgasmic-mastery-for-men/ and
Learn Erotic Massage: http://www.erospirit.ca/product/learn-erotic-massage-for-healing-and-pleasure/
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