Author: Caffyn Jesse

  • How to Survive a Weekend of Non-Stop Sex

    How to Survive a Weekend of Non-Stop Sex

    My husband and I are planning for a weekend sexcapade getaway, just staying in the room, enjoy ourselves and have lots of intimacy. Are there any risks such as exhaustion or over exertion to be wary of?

    It is so good and important to create this kind of time together. Bravo!

    What could be better than to exhaust each other having great sex? And yes there are some precautions. Sometimes when we have lots of vigorous penetrative intercourse, genitals can get abraded and sore, and you can even get a urinary tract infection. So be sure to take it slow and easy, bring lots of lube, and incorporate lots of non-intercourse pleasures into your lovemaking.

    This will also be helpful if genitals don’t behave quite as we wish. A man might ejaculate early or stay soft; a woman might not be able to access her arousal or climax. Be easy about it. There are so many ways of accessing physical intimacy and erotic pleasure that don’t depend on having a hard cock and a wet pussy.

    Massage, oral pleasures, exploring different parts of the body with communication and curiosity, and a commitment to enjoy warm connected touch are helpful practices for long-term couples.

    Have a question on your mind related to sex? Send them in to editorial@simplysxy.com


    Caffyn Jesse is a widely-respected teacher of sexuality. She teaches the Canadian Professional Somatic Sex Educator Training with Dr. Liam Snowdon. She offers a Certificate in Intimacy Education training to advanced students. Read the rest of her profile below!

    More resources: Caffyn’s book on Erotic Massage for Healing and Pleasure: http://www.amazon.com/Erotic-Massage-Healing-Pleasure-pioneering/dp/0973833211/ref=tmm_pap_title_0

    and her video courses:

    Orgasmic Mastery for Men : http://www.erospirit.ca/product/orgasmic-mastery-for-men/ and

    Learn Erotic Massage: http://www.erospirit.ca/product/learn-erotic-massage-for-healing-and-pleasure/


    Featured image courtesy of Shutterstock

  • Get your Sexual desire back

    Get your Sexual desire back

    I lost my virginity at a young age and it wasn’t as fun as I thought, and didn’t like the experience. Since then, I’ve had no interest in sex even when in relationships and it has been almost 8 years since my first time. Will I ever feel the want to have sex again?

    You certainly can reclaim your desire and erotic joy in the wake of this difficult experience. But you are not likely to just spontaneously feel a desire to have sex again without consciously working on it.

    When the nervous system is impacted by trauma, it will often shut down the arousal system to manage distressing effects. The good news is that the nervous system is always growing and changing in response to life experiences, so if you can start to provide your body with some safe, slow, joyful awakening touch, your desire can start to come alive again.

    Go slowly, stay attuned to the needs of your body and spirit, and practice with yourself. It is so joyful to welcome erotic energy into our bodies and our lives, and know there is nothing you need to do with it and no one you need to share it with until you choose and you feel ready. If and when you want to explore erotic pleasure with another person, choose a safe and trusted person who will listen to you and guide you to listen to yourself.

    Remember you can stop at any time during an erotic encounter. The most important thing is that you feel you can choose, at every step along the way. Your nervous system will only be able to develop a capacity to feel erotically alive again in an environment of safety and ongoing choice.

    Have a question on your mind related to sex? Send them in to editorial@simplysxy.com


    Caffyn Jesse is a widely-respected teacher of sexuality. She teaches the Canadian Professional Somatic Sex Educator Training with Dr. Liam Snowdon. She offers a Certificate in Intimacy Education training to advanced students.

    More resources: Caffyn’s book on Erotic Massage for Healing and Pleasure: http://www.amazon.com/Erotic-Massage-Healing-Pleasure-pioneering/dp/0973833211/ref=tmm_pap_title_0

    and her video courses

    Orgasmic Mastery for Men : http://www.erospirit.ca/product/orgasmic-mastery-for-men/ and

    Learn Erotic Massage: http://www.erospirit.ca/product/learn-erotic-massage-for-healing-and-pleasure/


    Featured image courtesy of Shutterstock

  • Tips to Prolong Orgasms

    Tips to Prolong Orgasms

    Do you have tips or ways for me to prolong or delay my orgasm during sex?

    Sure, prolonging and delaying orgasm is easy and it’s such a shame that so many men struggle with the problem of unintentional ejaculation.

    Begin by learning to explore and savour low levels of arousal. Imagine a number scale of zero to eleven, zero representing no arousal and eleven representing ejaculation. How familiar are you with the joys of each number along the way?

    Explore the lower levels of arousal when self-pleasuring first, then with a partner. Learn the joys of soft-penis pleasure, before and after ejaculation. You will have more fun and feel more relaxed in sexual encounters, and also you will sensitize yourself to the whole trajectory of arousal and gain orgasmic mastery.

    You can use your breath and imagination to circulate erotic energy through your whole body. Breathe slowly, relax your muscles and imagine the circulation of energy from your groin through your torso, neck, head, arms and limbs.

    Do this when your sexual energy is cool, in the 1-4 range, and then practice when its medium and hot.

    Have a question on your mind related to sex? Send them in to editorial@simplysxy.com


    Caffyn Jesse is a widely-respected teacher of sexuality. She teaches the Canadian Professional Somatic Sex Educator Training with Dr. Liam Snowdon. She offers a Certificate in Intimacy Education training to advanced students. Read her profile below!

    More resources: Caffyn’s book on Erotic Massage for Healing and Pleasure: http://www.amazon.com/Erotic-Massage-Healing-Pleasure-pioneering/dp/0973833211/ref=tmm_pap_title_0

    and her video courses

    Orgasmic Mastery for Men : http://www.erospirit.ca/product/orgasmic-mastery-for-men/ and

    Learn Erotic Massage: http://www.erospirit.ca/product/learn-erotic-massage-for-healing-and-pleasure/


    Featured image courtesy of Shutterstock

  • Exploring Squirting Orgasms

    Exploring Squirting Orgasms

    For millions of women over thousands of years, the G-Spot has been a place of vast and dependable pleasure and the source of “Squirting Orgasms.” The G-Spot is an area of profound importance in women’s erotic anatomy. Yet for many women and their lovers, the G-Spot is a big mystery. I am often asked, “Why isn’t it sensitive?” or “Why doesn’t it work?”

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    One answer is that the G-Spot is typically the last area to develop sensitivity in a woman’s arc of arousal. Expanded juiciness requires more stimulation, more varied stimulation, and more time. I suggest that exploration of a woman’s vagina be undertaken only after an extended period of external stimulation. Start slowly and take half an hour or more to engage all the erectile tissues of the clitoral complex. You can use a vibrator to ramp up arousal. Enjoy watching how she pleasures herself. It is best if a woman enjoys one or two orgasms from external stimulation before venturing to explore her inner world.

    When she is ready, and you begin to touch her inside, continue to stimulate the external clitoris with your other hand, or a vibrator. Or encourage her to pleasure herself externally, while you focus on internal stimulation.

    The G-Spot is misnamed because it is not a single “spot.” It is a cone of erectile tissue that surrounds the urethra. The beginnings of the G-Spot tissue are often visible at the entry to the vagina. The G-Spot can be touched by pressing gently up towards the pubic bone from within the vagina. With a well-lubricated finger, you will be able to feel the cone of tissue that surrounds the urethra, 1–3 inches into the vagina. Caress and feel the tissue of the urethral sponge; feel along either side and massage the top.

    Follow the guidance of the woman receiving as you explore her inner world. Different women have different urethral sponge shapes and different areas of maximum sensitivity. For many women, the whole urethral sponge is pleasurable and there is no need to focus on one spot. Some women feel the most electrical charge on a specific spot. The type, pressure and speed of touch that feels good will change as her arousal rises and falls. She might have different sensitivities on different days and at different times of her monthly cycle. Different women are enervated differently too. Some women can readily enjoy internal stimulation. But for many more women, the joys of internal stimulation need to be learned and practiced. By combining G-Spot touch with ongoing stimulation of the clitoral glans, you will multiply her feelings of pleasure and educate her nerves into a new state of awareness and sensitivity.

    Rather than using an “in and out” motion to massage the G-Spot, experiment with a pulsing motion, pressing up and down into the tissue. Try a making a “come hither” motion with your finger. If she seems to be enjoying one finger, ask her if two fingers would feel better. Be sure to keep adding more lubricant to avoid discomfort. At higher levels of arousal, reaching up high into the vagina and pressing back into the pubic bone very firmly can be pleasurable for some women. Ask if faster or slower would feel better. Ask if she would like more or less pressure. Try a G-Spot vibrator. Follow her pleasure, without an agenda, enjoying the journey. Eventually you will find your way to Squirting Orgasms.

    When a woman is aroused and her G-Spot is properly stimulated in a way that is very pleasurable to her, the tissue becomes engorged with prostatic fluid. But in order to squirt that fluid out, women have to give themselves permission—both to experience a very high level of sexual excitement and to make a big mess. Make sure that you celebrate passion and messiness! Notice and comment on the colour, shape, smell, taste, puffiness and wetness of her vulva. Let her know that you love any and all signs of her arousal. Tell her it’s okay to pee. Use a towel or a chuck to create a place of permission.

    To explore Squirting Orgasms the woman will also need to be well hydrated. She can be encouraged to drink lots of water, and also to pee right before the massage, so she will be reassured that her bladder is empty.  When the G-Spot is highly stimulated and engorged, and sexual energy is high, she may feel that she has to pee. Invite her to go with that feeling, allow it, and focus on it while you continue to stimulate the G-Spot and the clitoral glans.  If you feel a gush of fluid, that’s it! She’s had a G-Spot orgasm. It may not feel especially pleasurable at first. It doesn’t feel like a clitoral orgasm. It takes practice to tune in to the subtler pleasures of a G-Spot orgasm. Also, don’t expect the huge gush of fluid seen in the diagram here, or in porn movies. Such fountains are rare and take lots of practice. When exploring Squirting Orgasms, celebrate very modest gushes of ejaculatory fluid.

    After you feel the gush of fluid, take a little break from high levels of stimulation. Stay connected and keep touching her vulva, though more gently. In a few minutes, you will likely feel the urethral sponge refill. If you keep going, she will likely have more ejaculatory orgasms. Ejaculation does not mean an end to engorgement for women.  If she feels a regular clitoral orgasm coming on, guide her to bear down and push it out with a roar. Suggest that she gives birth to her orgasm! Tell her she should pee right there if she needs to. Let the waters flow! In this way she can learn to have a blended orgasm that combines clitoral orgasm and G-Spot orgasm with ejaculation.  Ejaculatory fluid smells clean and earthy, not like pee, and the smell can vary with the diet or menstrual cycle. Described by the ancients as “Amrita,” female ejaculate is the life-giving “Nectar of the gods.”

    Notice that sometimes a woman can “injaculate” and push the ejaculatory fluid back into her bladder. If she has to pee right after erotic stimulation, this is probably what happened. See if it helps her ejaculate outwards if you bend your hand or toy away from blocking the urethra when she bears down.  The G-Spot can be numb or painful to touch. Many women have learned to desensitize themselves due to penetration before adequate arousal and with insufficient lubrication. A woman will suffer micro-tears in this tissue anytime she is penetrated before she is ready. Childbirth and abdominal surgery can also result in scar tissue that makes G-Spot stimulation hurt. If a woman is experiencing numbness or pain, I always encourage her to spend many hours receiving gentle G-Spot massage. It may take several months or more than a year of regular G-Spot massage to help women discover the pleasure potential of the G-Spot. G-Spot massage is an important way to heal and awaken the inner vaginal environment. In a non-demand situation, directed by the receiver, women can learn to deeply experience all the feelings of grief, joy and electric pleasure that the G-Spot can hold.

    Take part in SimplySxy’s squirting discussions here : http://simplysxysociety.com/index.php?topic=19.0

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  • Making Lust Last

    Making Lust Last

    “How can we reignite the passion?”  In my practice as a somatic sex educator I often hear this question as I work with couples who once came together with great sexual happiness.  In the limerance of a new relationship, they made a decision to share their lives.  But the biochemical and social processes that ignite new lust and love do fade.  What then?  Is there a way to recreate and maintain a passionate connection in a long-term relationship?  I say, “Yes,” and it takes commitment: commitment to learning, commitment to pleasure, and commitment to conscious sexuality.

    Commitment to Learning

    Sex is not something we instinctually know.  We can’t learn it in a high school health class or a weekend workshop.  Sex is a vast curriculum and a transformative matrix of body, mind, spirit and emotion.  There are ancient sacred traditions and new scientific discoveries.  Our sexual needs are always changing as our bodies age, relationships alter, courage deepens, traumas surface.  We can all be lifelong learners of sex.  I encourage my students to embrace the mystery of not-knowing: What will please your partner today? What can you be erotically?  Sadly, it can feel easier to change partners than to change established patterns with an existing partner.  To avoid feeling bored, we need to become less boring, and more curious, open, and involved.

    When you begin with a commitment to learning, you will find many learning resources.  There are books, videos, tools, toys.  There are sexual professionals including therapists who can help couples address issues that block their access to pleasure, and educators like myself who can assist you in learning new approaches and techniques.

    Commitment to Pleasure

    Our lovemaking becomes mundane because we set limits on how much pleasure we are willing to experience.  I suggest my students focus on pleasure, and accept it as an inner guide.  What delights you?  How good can you feel?  What are your pathways to pleasure?  We can allow diverse pleasures to be felt and savored, whether they are sexual in any conventional way, or not.  Prioritizing pleasure often means that intercourse and orgasm stop being an invariable script for sexuality.  We take pleasure in the journey.  We feel, fantasize and practice our sexuality all day long.  Along with this refocusing, we stop waiting for our partners to bring us pleasure, and start taking responsibility for the practice of joy.  We begin noticing and focusing on what pleases us about our partners, creating an environment where passion can flourish.

    Commitment to Conscious Sexuality

    In long-term relationships, sex becomes something we make happen rather than something that happens to us.  Do you miss the hormonal surges that make sex feel paramount and effortless?  Because our culture is so uncomfortable with sex, we want to be swept away by desire.  It can feel very uncomfortable to choose sex consciously, deliberately and mindfully.  It can seem silly to schedule time for sex. But if we want to come alive to our erotic potential, both individually and in relationships, we need to cultivate sexual energy.  This means giving sexual feeling time, attention, and approval.

    We can experiment with techniques and approaches for having “warm sex.”  Instead of looking or waiting for focused intensity, practitioners of warm sex cultivate calmer experiences of pleasure.  Playful fun, sensuality and affection can create an erotic playground that is joyful in itself, while holding space where hot passion can occasionally flourish.

    What do you need to say “yes” to sex?  Couples can get into soul-draining patterns where one person is always the initiator of sexual interactions and the other experiences sex as a demand placed upon them.  Others feel they must wait to heal their relationship issues before they can say “yes” to sex, loading erotic pleasure with a requirement for tender feelings that may be in short supply in the absence of sex.  Why not experiment with expressing a range of emotions sexually: anger, frolic, naughtiness, mindlessness?  We can play doctor, play dominatrix, have sex in a car, have a wild affair with our spouse.

    When couples choose to explore the path of pleasure, learning and conscious sexuality, an astonishing richness becomes possible.  We can share profound bonding, ecstatic awareness, and infinite variety within a single relationship.

  • End Premature Ejaculation with Pleasure

    End Premature Ejaculation with Pleasure

    Can you savour sexual excitement, and climax joyfully?  When you ejaculate, do you feel thrilled and blissful?  Or do you feel shame and humiliation?  Do thoughts like “Oh no!”  “I can’t please my partner!”  “I have no control!” go running through your mind? The problem of premature ejaculation is extremely common and is suffered by most men at some point in their lives. It can lead to low self-esteem and relationship problems.

    Traditional treatments for premature ejaculation include desensitizing creams, distracting thoughts, pills that muffle sexual feeling, and techniques that block ejaculation.  These treatments are not only ineffective – they actually cause harm! Please do not use them.  I see many men who have suffered for years with premature ejaculation.  After using these techniques as a fix, they come to see me because they are numb inside, turned off sex, suffering from erectile dysfunction and experiencing inhibited ejaculation.  There is a simple, effective way to end all this suffering and heartache.  And the best news is  – the solution is learning to enjoy more pleasure!  By training your body to enjoy more pleasure, you acquire Orgasmic Mastery.  This learning takes only a few hours of conscious commitment.  Once the basic principles are absorbed, new knowledge can unfold through the joyful practice of a lifetime.

    We all unconsciously place limits on how intense sexual energy can be, limiting the potential of our sexual experiences.  I believe that without Orgasmic Mastery training, all of men’s ejaculations will be premature, in that they limit access to more profound pleasure.  When men approach the maximum sexual charge their bodies can comfortably deal with, they generally release it through ejaculation.  Orgasmic Mastery techniques allow you to welcome the intensity and allow it to build so that you can experience more and more pleasure.

    The first thing we need to do is learn to savour prolonged arousal in our self-pleasuring practices.  We get used to masturbating in habitual, efficient ways.  By employing more creative touch techniques, and giving mindful attention to body sensation, you can learn to feel your body from the inside, and to enjoy each stage of arousal.  You can even learn to orgasm without ejaculating!

    Key to curing unintentional ejaculation is learning to build up sexual energy in our bodies in a relaxed state.  This enables much more energy and ecstatic pleasure to flow all though our whole bodies.

    The second path to gaining Orgasmic Mastery is teaching your body to hold a high erotic charge.  Use breath and visualization to shift the focus from your genitals and circulate arousal through your whole body.  You will soon be enjoying an erection in every cell!

    The next challenge is taking Orgasmic Mastery into partner play.  Partner sex is exciting and unpredictable.  There is enormous pressure on men to “get it up” and maintain an erection.  Men not only suffer shame and humiliation when they ejaculate unintentionally, they also feel embarrassment and confusion when they don’t get hard or experience inhibited ejaculation.  Teaching your body to generate and circulate elevated levels of erotic energy makes it easier to get and maintain a reliable erection. And we also need to learn techniques for erotic engagement that take the pressure off erection and ejaculation.  Learn to savour the pleasures of a soft cock, and explore post-ejaculatory possibilities.  There are literally thousands of ways to be sexual, and only one of them depends on having a hard penis.  Learning many ways to please a partner while you enjoy your own body, you can learn to savour and share a much wider range of erotic response.

    Image courtesy of Shutterstock