Swinging is a fantastic lifestyle if you know what you are looking for and know what you are hoping to get out of the lifestyle. For me, that is the wonderfully diverse and usually great fun sexual encounters with a great group of open-minded people who see sex as something to be thoroughly enjoyed. It is not just the sex act itself, although that is the driving motivator behind why we swing, but it is the chance to be around other like-minded people who view their sexuality and sex in a positive and pleasurable light. When in regular society, can you be talking about what turns you on and how you enjoy different sex acts within minutes of meeting someone? The swinging world affords you the ability to connect with people who think just like you do about sex. People who believe that openness, variety, and social sex can be enjoyed without jealousy or negative emotions.
Swinging as a single male does create a unique set of challenges, but those challenges can be completely overcome if the single male embraces the lifestyle and truly understands where he fits into the swinging dynamic. Many single males fail as swingers and cause couples in the swinging lifestyle to swear off most single males because these single males just don’t get it. Frankly, they come across as assholes who seem to be only thinking about getting laid. These single males fail to realize that they are being allowed the privilege of providing fantasy fulfillment with a female or couple, and they need to understand how that is done. It’s not by talking to a female or couple and asking, “do you want to fuck?” It’s by being a gentleman and understanding the nuances of what the female or couple are looking for as part of their sexual fantasy. It’s by listening to what the female or couple has to say; it’s by picking up subtle verbal and non-verbal clues; it’s by communicating clearly; and it’s by thinking with your big head instead of your little head. I get mad when I see some of these jerks who profess to be swingers because I understand that these guys are why single males sometimes get a bad rap. I also understand that the bad rap is well deserved by the way some of these guys act. And, I understand why it’s sometimes hard to overcome the stigma of being a single male swinger. Because, many times, it’s well deserved.
Single males need to understand that not every female or couple wants to be with them. That is okay. I’ve gotten to know some great couples in the swinging lifestyle, and I’ve never had sex with them. Maybe I don’t turn them on, or they don’t turn me on, but that hasn’t stopped us from having some fun open conversations and enjoying the lifestyle all together in a group setting. Early on, I figured out the formula for being a successful single male, and that was don’t be an ass; listen to both the husband and wife or the single female; and adapt to what they are looking for. That doesn’t mean be a phony. You should always be yourself; be honest; and be open about what you like and what your desires are. However, re-prioritize your need to get laid and get off with their needs and desires. Trust me, you’ll still end up having a great sexual time and cumming more than you can imagine; just don’t make your pleasure the priority.
Successful single male swingers understand that no means no; not everyone is attracted to each other; not every woman wants to have sex the minute they meet you; and that each female and couple has their own unique set of boundaries, fantasies, and openness when it comes to swinging. Again, single males need to understand where they fit. From my experience, that is they bring extra diversity and pleasure to the female. Single males also need to understand that they need to be non-threatening to the male half of a couple. You’re there to add to their pleasure, not try to date or steal the wife. At the end of the night, you go away. You play by their rules. Understand that most males in the couple enjoy seeing their wife deriving pleasure from another guy. Maybe that’s what makes me a successful experienced single male swinger. I’ve been part of a couple. When I and an ex-girlfriend of mine went swinging, I loved to see her get fucked by another guy. I loved to watch her have orgasms with him. I loved to talk to her about how hot she looked taking his cock or how wet she got while he was licking her pussy. Swinging is about sexual pleasure for all involved, but single males have an added responsibility in understanding how they fit into the equation. It’s not just about the single male’s pleasure. It’s more about the female or couple’s pleasure that they are with.
At the end of the day or night, the single male will have plenty of fun too. I have been swinging for 19 years and I can hardly think of a bad experience I’ve had. I’ve been part of one-on-one sessions; with couples; and part of wonderful group sex. I’ve been to hotel parties, house parties, swing clubs, and met individually. Each experience is different, but each brings its own enjoyment in that they all center on sexually open people being able to be honest and open about what they enjoy sexually and not being afraid to show it. The swinging lifestyle is not for everyone, but if you are an open sexual person, you probably want to give it a try.
Find out more about Darren Swinger and some photos of his sexual encounters on the next page!