Connect with us
Shop Megan Fox's Favorite Lingerie at Frederick's of Hollywood

No Wedding For Me!!!!

LGBTQ

No Wedding For Me!!!!

Prev1 of 3
Use your ← → (arrow) keys to browse

Decades ago, when it became clear I was more gay than not, there came a peculiar realization not long afterwards that I would never have a wedding. I would never have a bride in a white dress, never have a rowdy, disgusting bachelor party with all my best friends from high school and college, never make my mother Truly Happy; my sister would never have any nephews or nieces, (and neither would I, in fact, because my sister is a dyke and addressing most of the same issues as I was, at about the same time.) I would never have to worry about whether the ceremony should be in a church or a temple, never have to decide whether or not to simply elope and keep the money, never have to worry about the colors of the bridesmaids’ dresses. I wouldn’t have the biggest worry of all, which is if she will really want me AFTER the first night. Given all that, I pretty much just put it out of my mind.

Every once in a while, when I was invited to a friend’s wedding, and when I had bought wedding gifts for almost everyone I had ever known, many of them for the second or the third time, there came a little pang of regret that THEY will never be buying a wedding gift for me. And then later on, when they had children, I bought silver spoons or baby clothes for them because it was obvious that I would never be buying them for my OWN children. And then, if you’re like me, you remember all those weddings you attended. The first ones, when you were small, and how bizarre they were, with everyone dressed up and stressed out, and how they made you wear a coat and tie, which made you feel very adult and capable of sampling everyone’s alcoholic drinks when they weren’t paying attention.

When I was in grammar school, my mother used to rent out a spare room to “college girls” for extra income. I found it embarrassing but was unable to change the situation. These girls were attending Sacramento Junior College, to learn cosmetology or find a boyfriend, or, if they were extremely lucky, both. Many of them came from farms in the Central Valley, and they were called Vargas, or Diaz, or Ramos. A particularly lively girl, despite her triste-sounding name, Dolores Ramos, was one of my mother’s favorites, and after she graduated from the College and returned to the farmlands, she and my mother stayed in touch. When Dolores decided to marry, there was a major celebratory event and in addition to a large Catholic church wedding, an enormous Portuguese banquet took place in the local grange hall. An ethnic band played non-stop, there were endless tables of food, multiple bars, dancing and major consumption of alcohol long into the night. I drank too many leftover cocktails and found myself tipsy for the first time, which was extremely enjoyable.

There followed Jewish weddings, Protestant weddings, even a couple of Baptist weddings, which were less amusing than the Portuguese weddings, even from my then child’s point of view at that time. Subsequently, I attended formal weddings, indoor weddings, hippie weddings in the California Redwood Groves, casual weddings, even a couple of last-minute, Nevada shotgun weddings. The thing about all these weddings was that there was always a bride and a groom, no matter what the composition of the families involved, and each and every time I got through a service and a party, I thought: “Damn, it’s too bad I’ll never have one of these.”

Prev1 of 3
Use your ← → (arrow) keys to browse

Angus Whyte

A native Californian, Angus Whyte first lived in San Francisco in the mid-sixties following his graduation from U.C. Berkeley. After graduate school at the University of Washington, with a Master's degree in French and Music, he was awarded a Fulbright Teaching Scholarship to France, later contracted with the U.S. State Department to teach mobile cinema in the Congo Republic, and subsequently studied baroque music and harpsichord at the Amsterdam Conservatory and the Salzburg Mozarteum Academy. From 1973 through 1981 he operated the Angus Whyte Gallery in Boston, Provincetown, New York City, and Washington, DC. After completing the Institute of Arts Administration program at Harvard, he served as Director of Special Events at Art Center College of Design in Pasadena from 1983 until 1990, during which time he was active on the boards of the Brody Arts Foundation, Pacific Serenades, and the California Confederation of the Arts. Following a sabbatical in France from 1990 through 1993, where he renovated ancient stone buildings in Périgord, southwestern central France, Whyte returned to San Francisco, where he served as development consultant to the the capital campaign of the LGBT Community Center Project. From 1997 through 2012 he directed a philanthropic organization, Art for Healing, whose mission was to collect and place original works of art in hospitals and healthcare facilities.

Married several times to thomas grexa phillips, his book of memoirs "After-Dinner Tales" was published in 2013, and presently he is working on his next book of stories.

Comments

More in LGBTQ

To Top