Tag: Lifestyle

Important advice before getting into the Slutwife and Swingers lifestyle

Besides enjoying it and having fun, should you decide to embark on the slut wife lifestyle, then what I consider to be the most important advice anyone could offer would be to be safe.

Obviously sexually, use protection, don’t ever take anyone’s word for their sexual history. People when motivated by lust or wanting, tend to lie. It’s easy to get caught up in the heat of the moment … and then regret it when it’s too late. There are many STDs and there’s always AIDS, do not think that because it doesn’t get as much news coverage as it used to, that AIDS is not as active as it was. It is and it can devastate your life. Don’t wrongly assume that AIDS only affects gay men. It doesn’t; it affects everyone, and you need to know this.

If you’re going to meet someone, take condoms and lubricants with you, don’t rely on them and if you’re going to meet someone alone without your partner, meet somewhere where people are about. Do not, and i stress this, do not assume because you’ve swapped a couple of emails or texts, or had a few phone chats with someone, that you know that person. You don’t. They may appear the nicest sweetest person in the world, but you do not know them and i speak from experience here.

I got talking to a man i met online, we swapped emails, eventually deciding to meet for a coffee. It went well, we met a few more times, then we started having sex. He was a businessman from the other end of the country, who’d previously lived close to where i live. We’d been seeing each other for six months, everything was fine. He used to have a thing about me dressing up a bit like a tart, which i didn’t mind … short skirts, stockings, strappy high heels, too much makeup, all that kind of thing, and he used to like sex either outdoors or in the back of his car, when we weren’t back at his hotel room.

This particular time, we’d driven somewhere late in the evening and were walking around, me dressed up like a whore, when he spotted an alley, so off we went down it as we had done a few times before. We had a bit of a kiss and a grope, same as always, and then, out of the blue, he hit me. Punched me hard in the face. I still remember the shock, like it was happening to me now. I don’t remember how many times he punched me, in my face, my stomach, everything was a blur. I just remember a lot of pain, tasting my own blood and thinking he was going to kill me.

He didn’t, he stopped to fuck me while I was bleeding and half unconscious lying on the floor. Then he was gone, leaving me just lying there. Luckily, I still had my phone and was able to call my hubby to come and find me when i could finally pull myself together and manage to think straight and stop sobbing. I survived obviously, otherwise i wouldn’t be here now telling you this. But it left scars and I don’t mean just emotionally. I lost a couple of teeth and needed dental work to repair others. My nose and cheek were broken and I couldn’t open my left eye for about a month.

Up until this point, everything had all been fun. No sense of danger, no indication of any danger, and then like the first punch, reality hit. And believe me when I say, it hit very hard indeed. I learned the hard way a lesson in trust. Do not make the same mistake i did.

Now i only see men i know or who I get to know very well before hand. But there’s still doubt, there probably always will be. The reality of this is that you’re stepping away from safe zone, the life and people you know and trusting someone else. Some may say that I got what I deserved for living what they define as a promiscuous lifestyle. Maybe they’re right, who am I to judge?

What I do know is that sometimes you’re going to meet some people who are not very nice and bear this in mind because they don’t come with a sign. Some hide it very well indeed. Just like him. For months. Think on that. So do be very careful and like special agent Mulder used to say in the X-Files: ‘Trust no one!’ At the end of the day, stay safe in whatever decision or lifestyle you decide to follow.

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February 23, 2015
My Perfect Valentine’s Day
Yep, it’s that time of year again, February 14^th, Valentines Day; and suddenly the rest of the year seems like nothing more than just some slow, rumbling foreplay leading inexorably towards this annual, inevitable climax of luuuuuuurve! And sexiness, of course … let’s not forget sexiness!

I’ll repeat that … let’s not forget sexiness!

For while to some Valentines Day means flowers and a box of chocolates, candlelit dinners (a terrible way to cook, by the way; it takes forever), or moonlit walks in Paris—all nice, lovely things to be sure—for others, February 14^th means deep red lingerie, the removal of key elements of that deep red lingerie, the indulgence of fantasies … and if chocolate is involved, as it sometimes is, it doesn’t come in a box, but rather in a jar, with a brush, to be applied to various parts of the body and licked off with bacchanalian abandon.

Personally, since I’m basically an immature sort at heart, I don’t like to feel like I’m missing out on anything, so this year—as with many other years—I’ll be doing the V-Day Combo Special, thank you very much; a heady cocktail of love and romance (which my wife, maddeningly, insists on pronouncing ‘wub’ and ‘womance’—two words, now I think about it, that might just save the life of someone overdosing on Viagra since hearing them is almost 100% guaranteed to immediately drain the blood from any penis) and some seriously fruity ugly-bumping.

This year, happily, Valentines Day falls on a Saturday, meaning that for those of us with two-day weekends (enjoy it while you can, before the neoliberal nightmare enslaves us all) the Combo Special can be eked out and savored across the entire day.

So, without further ado, here’s the list of ingredients that’s going to make my V-Day Combo Special mind-blowingly awesome. Feel free to use it as the template for your own Valentines—all I ask is that you think of me! Nah, just kidding. Although … No, no, you’re right. I couldn’t take the wave of psychic energy; it’d put me off my game. The list then …
1. Wake up the wife by sprinkling flower petals over her and then go down on her
2. A little breakfast in bed while we watch something stupid on TV
3. Intimate that I’d quite like her to go down on me now too, please (we call mutual oral sex in the morning ‘bacon and eggs’—so we’ll be enjoying two breakfasts that day!)
4. Shower together, slowly, taking care not to miss a single inch
5. Take the wife to town, have lunch somewhere cool, indulge in a quick fuck in the washroom, buy each other stuff, check out some art, hold hands, revel in the sex musk coming off both of us, and stare at things behind windows
6. Back home to get changed for the evening. If you’ve been a good boy—and I’ve been a very good boy—she’ll put on the red lingerie you bought her specially; the stockings, the suspenders … oddly enough, most of the time, red doesn’t do it for either of us, but on Valentines Day we both go loopy for it; go figure
7. Go out to a romantic restaurant, eat bloody red meat, drink red wine, feed each other rich, dark, moist chocolate cake and play with each other under the table … basically excite the fuck out of each other until you’re both in a delicious state of anxiety, torn between wanting to stay and enjoy the multi-leveled sensual feast and wanting to get home right now and fuck like bunnies
8. Go home, take off some of those aforementioned ‘key elements’ of lingerie (i.e., everything but the stockings and suspenders and high heels) … and yes, fuck like bunnies … really dirty bunnies …
Happy Valentines Day!

Jack Carrer for BaDoink.com

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February 14, 2015
Making A Sex list For Valentine’s Day

Many people have a bucket list of things they want to do before they die. Well I think even more important than that would be to have a sexual bucket list or sex list, if you will. So bear with me while I try to give you some ideas on things you can add to your own sex list and no, that does not mean I am giving you my personal list. A girl has to keep some secrets, doesn’t she?

Let’s start right off with a big one which is on many guy’s (and believe it or not, many girl’s) minds … How about talking to your partner about becoming a swinger? There are a lot of resources out there, such as my site, to help guide you through this big decision, and it is not to be taken lightly. Both partners must be willing to try swinging or it will just not work.

Now let’s say you are already a swinger, or maybe just quite adventurous. One thing you may not have tried yet is to be part of an Orgy. Yes, I’m talking about having sex in a group situation. According to Wikipedia, “an orgy is a sex party where guests freely engage in open and unrestrained sexual activity or group sex.” Sounds good to me! Having an orgy is a common sexual fantasy, so why not add it to your Sexlist and work on making it a reality?

If an orgy sounds too intimidating, how about trying a threesome? Even if you don’t have a same sex fantasy, there are other options available. A threesome can be two “straight” girls concentrating their sexual prowess on one guy, with no interaction between the ladies. Same can be said for two guys with one girl. Everyone can still have lots of fun, trust me. Oops, did I let out one of my secrets?

If you like to travel, let’s add going on a Swinger’s Cruise Takeover, where an entire cruise ship gets chartered just for one big party on the high seas. Not a water baby, then there are also resort takeovers which may tickle your fancy.

If some of my suggestions so far have been a little bit out there for you to even consider, let me give you a couple of more traditional things you many want to try.

How about trying some new sex positions? Admit it, the same old position all the time can get a little boring after a while, so let’s take it to the next level. If not a new position, let’s go for a change of scenery. Try it in the shower, on the living room couch (like when you were a teenager), or in the car. As they say a change is as good as a rest. Let’s be more sexually spontaneous, you won’t regret the reaction.

Along with the new sex positions, how about we take a look for your (or her) g-spot? It’s in there somewhere, and once you find it your world will no longer be the same. I hope I’ve been able to ignite your sexual creativity, and you will come up with a VERY adventurous sex list. Please let me know what you come up with, I’m always looking to add to my list of things to do/try. 😉

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February 13, 2015
A Very Moist Valentine

What miracles the female body performs; Menstruation, ovulation, conception, gestation, parturition, lactation and female ejaculation. Perhaps what defines the female form more than anything is its insistent generation of fluids. Women’s bodies are wet!

But all that juicy opulence can be offensive to our civilized sensibilities. We are admonished to contain it and control it. And some people seem to need to shame it.

Take female ejaculation for instance. Despite the fact that today’s scientists and the medical establishment do not agree on whether it even exists, knowledgeable physicians have been writing about female ejaculation since the 16th century. Before that, Aristotle extolled the erotic virtues of female ejaculation about 300 B.C.

In 1886 the psychiatrist Richard von Krafft-Ebing classified female ejaculation a sexual perversion resulting from homosexuality. Perhaps he was anticipating the former prostitute Almeda Sperry’s 1918 letter to Emma Goldman in which she refers to the “rhythmic spurt of your love juices.”

Indigenous cultures are often more connected to the body and lack the religiously induced shame which can characterize more “civilized” society. For instance, the Batoro people of Uganda seem well acquainted with female ejaculation. Referred to as Kachapati, it means literally “spray the wall,” and is taught to young women by older women as preparation for marriage. Although, some of us may have personal experience of this level of proficiency, I imagine it must require a certain degree of skill to project female ejaculate so that it sprays the wall!

You might think that given the extensive history of acknowledging the fact of female ejaculation, modern medical research would not be obsessed with disproving it today. But you would be wrong.

As women’s health writer Rebecca Chalker asserts, “the suggestion that women can expel fluid from their genital area as part of sexual arousal [is] ‘one of the most hotly debated questions in modern sexology.’”

And indeed it seems to be.

Sometimes I wonder if there might a political agenda to all this fuss about whether women have a prostate or if they ejaculate and what that ejaculate is composed of. I say this because I can think of so many other areas of focus where medical research is really needed to improve the human condition. Instead, a lot of time is spent trying to assert that women do not share anatomical similarities with men.

For instance, recent headlines such as “Scientists Conclude That Squirting Is Just ‘An Involuntary Emission Of Urine’” and “Squirting is Just Pee, Say Scientists,” announced the results of a 2014 study by Researchers Salama, Boitrelle, Gauquelin, Malgrida, Thiounn and Desvaux. They concluded that “The present data based on ultrasonographic bladder monitoring and biochemical analyses indicate that squirting is essentially the involuntary emission of urine during sexual activity, although a marginal contribution of prostatic secretions to the emitted fluid often exists.” [emphasis mine]

And there they leave it. They offer no explanation for why female ejaculate contains the same chemical marker as male ejaculate (prostatic-specific antigen or PSA), nor why it occurs in female ejaculate but not in female urine.

In contrast, the 2007 research results of Wimpissinger, Stifter, Grin and Stackl found that, biochemically, “the fluid emitted during orgasm showed all the parameters found in prostate plasma in contrast to the values measured in voided urine.” What that means is that female ejaculate is very similar in chemical composition to male ejaculate. It does not resemble urine. Further they conclude that their data “. . . underline[s] the concept of the female prostate both as an organ itself and as the source of female ejaculation.”

In all fairness to the 2014 research, however, we do need an explanation for why the women in their study emptied their bladders prior to ejaculation only to have their bladders quickly fill again during sexual stimulation. Although the concept is still controversial, some have advanced the theory that copious amounts of female ejaculate are stored in the bladder via something referred to as retrograde ejaculation. Female Ejaculation expert, Deborah Sundahl, refers to this in her book “Female Ejaculation and The G-Spot.” It would be wonderful if the next bit of research into female ejaculation focused on this. It seems quite plausible and could be dependent upon the size, shape and position of the female prostate, all of which varies in women.

So who should you believe?

I strongly recommend that you believe your own body.

Why? Because I didn’t. And not trusting the wisdom of my body brought me a lot of emotional confusion and pain as a young woman.

Ejaculation came to me naturally. I had never heard of it but I had never heard it was pee, either. So I assumed all women did it and it was a normal part of female sexuality. Then I read a stupid response to a reader’s letter in Penthouse forum. The reader wanted to know why she was expelling large quantities of an unfamiliar liquid at the moment of orgasm. And the Penthouse “expert” replied that the reader was “incontinent” and should seek medical help for her “condition.”

I was horrified. Had I been wetting the bed all this time? The shame overcame me and I resolved never to do that again. But I couldn’t figure out how to have an orgasm without ejaculating. Since shame had a lot of power over me at that time, I betrayed my own body’s truth and my need for pleasure and fulfillment. Instead I resorted to having sex which left me devoid of orgasms. It is embarrassing to admit that now, all these years later. But there are women doing the same thing today.
Today I know better. And fortunately you can benefit from the experience and expertise of women like me, who know better. There will always be research which conflicts with other research and if we allow that to veto our personal experiences – our personal truth – then we are abdicating one of the most important roles we have in this life: that of showing up as our own unique self!

If you don’t ejaculate, please don’t try to “measure up” and “compete” with some imaginary sexual standard. One reason female sexual pleasure is so controversial is because many of us are afraid we are doing it “wrong.” We crave confirmation that we are “normal.” Well regardless of whether your orgasms are dry or soaking the whole bed, you ARE normal!

Love yourself. Love your body. And please have a very moist Valentine’s Day whether that moisture comes from your saliva, your vaginal secretions, your breast milk or your ejaculate. Your female body is a marvelous gift built for pleasure. Celebrate that in all the ways which are unique to you!

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February 11, 2015
How to ace a Valentine date online

Tell us if this sounds familiar, gentlemen: around this time last year, you joined “The Lonely Bros Sulk-Over-Tiger Beer Gathering” as a last resort to fill that Valentine’s Day void which, ideally, should’ve been filled by that “Queen of Your Heart” you had a crush on since secondary school. Seeing that V-Day is round the corner, the team at SERIOUSLY MAN (SM) feels that securing a date ASAP is very much as doable as a VS model, let alone securing a date itself. Don’t get us wrong, we are not going in any of our classic self-aggrandizing direction here. Because with the advent of mobile dating apps like Tinder and Singapore based Paktor, dating has now come with serious ease. All you have to do is take the first flight out into the Tinderverse! The best part is, you get to do it from the comfort of your bedroom in the middle of a commercial break.

Now, how exactly do you accomplish the tall task of asking a girl who barely trusts you out on a short notice? To ensure the quality of the following tips that even the app makers themselves might not know, Team SM immersed into said apps for months and months for research. After a highly complex process of statistical calculations, hypothesis proving and refinery, it came down to this simple 3-step approach to convince a ravishing Tinderella out for Valentine’s.

All. Under. 24 hours.

SET UP THE PERFECT PROFILE

Ok fine, so there’s no such thing as perfection. So let’s go with the rather clichéd oxymoronic “you’re perfectly imperfect”. Surely there’s something interesting about you, even though you have a knack of communicating to acquaintances that you’re a boring software engineer with nothing much going on in your life. It’s all about the phrasing in your personal bio. Never ever leave that blank! Passionate about your MMORPG games? Have a secret recipe to an amazing Tiramisu? Proudly wear that badge on your bio!

Yay: “Just your average oh-so-boring engineer in thick frame specs. Transform into a gamer geek on weekends. Diablo, DOTA 2, Assassin’s Creed, conquered them all. Hey, don’t get me wrong, I’m still game for a coffee date. Might just dia-blow your mind ;)”

Nay: “Your friendly neighbourhood engineer. Looking for a nice girl to go out with on Valentine’s Day. [Smiley]”

Hold your horses, there’s still your profile pictures to be taken care of. We can go on all day and all night about douchey gym selfies or grainy shots of you with your drunk bros. These apps pride on superficiality. Your chosen pictures need to showcase your best self! Your most handsome facial angle, your best hairstyle, your sharpest suit, you in action at Laser Tag etc.

If you don’t have any of those, get cracking. Find a photographer friend to have your shots professionally taken or one of those hobbyist (there are millions of them) to at least get some decent ones out. Don’t go complaining now, it’s worth every bit of the trouble. You’ll give us serious thanks later.

As a rule of thumb, have a set comprising of the following: a frontal smiley shot of you posing in front of a conversation-starter-worthy background, a photo capturing you indulging in your choice of sports and a “#OOTD” of yourself in a bespoke suit. Take it from us: the gentlemen can do “#OOTDs” too.

GET HER DIGITS!

Sure, these apps are made for swiping and meeting new ladies. But whoever said it’s made for chatting? Take it out of there and into the proper channels! Well, at least it makes for a good excuse to get her number, right? You don’t have much time left to fix a V-date, let alone trying to fruitlessly convince her on the app chat itself that you’re her knight in shining armor. The ladies on these apps can be flakier than cornflakes. Acting fast is of utmost importance. Therefore, once you spot that little gap in the opportunity window, take that first flight out into Whatsapp (or any other free messaging apps you and your potential date use).

Excuse of the day: “Ok this is really bugging me but my app doesn’t give me any notifications. Let’s take this lovely conversation into somewhere only we know ;)”

Rule of thumb: Remember how we have to do this all under 24 hours? Time is ticking! Based on our studies, give or take her rate of reply, you SHOULD be getting her digits within 2 hours right from the moment you start the chat with your match. Our in-house record has been set at 3 minutes 13 seconds.

BE MY VALENTINE!

Play a “knock, knock” joke as a conversation opener after you have successfully gotten the number. Or any of your own unique ones you feel exceptionally confident in. Your goal here is to get a good, fun banter going on before you pull the “Be my Valentine!” trigger. The proverb “strike while the iron is hot” would be most appropriate here; there is already some comfort level established from the fact that she gave you her number, and now, the onus is on you to draw her attention to V-day. Casually bring it up.

“Cute pup you got there in your profile picture. You are a dog person aren’t you?”
“[… … It doesn’t matter what she says … …]”
“Cool. So who’s going to take care of her when you’re out on your hot Valentine’s date?”
[The lady may/may not have a date fixed, and she may/may not make it explicitly known. But hey, she’s on a dating app and she gave you her number, it’s going to take a blatant fool to screw this up now.]

If she is available: “What, how can a lady like you not have a V-date? Well, you’re single, I’m single, so … I don’t see why we shouldn’t go out on a coffee date and make out like a couple of crazy love birds right there on the café couch.

If she is unavailable: Erm, you have another match on Tinder or Paktor, don’t you? See, what did we say about time running out? Some other asshole beat you to her.

Everyone is on dating apps these days and it shouldn’t be difficult at all to find a few matches to garner a date for V-day. You might even see your own female friends on it (courtesy dictates that you swipe right on them anyway). Provided that you have diligently done your homework and adhered to our tried-and-tested guide to score a V-date from your smart phone, we can almost guarantee you there is not a need in the world to participate in part two of “Lonely Bros Sulk-Over-Tiger Beer Gathering”.

This article has been republished with permission from Seriously Man.

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February 11, 2015
Sizzling Ways to Seduce Your Valentine

When I was a teenager way back in the late eighties, us girls would get all nervous and worried around Valentines Day. We hoped and prayed that special cute guy in the class would ask us out. Later on, being a single young woman I did the same but then it was the guy in the office.

We women often assume or expect the man to ask us out and make Valentine Day special. This editorial goes out to the young readers. We need more “girl power”, you need to take control of Valentine’s Day and ask that cute guy out.

Once you have done it, you have to start planning the evening. Either you can go out and have dinner and then maybe a movie, but if you are in seduction mode, then you need to cook at home or at least use a catering.

Make sure you have plenty to drink at home and that the food is not too heavy. No big steaks or heavy desserts. You don’t want your man to fall asleep on the couch after dinner. Fish, seafood and salads are great.

Dress sexy, but don’t over do it. Let him see cleavage, but not your nipples. If you wear a skirt, keep it short, but he doesn’t have to see your underwear when you open the oven. Be light on the makeup, don’t over do it. Perfumes should be hinted at not bathed in.

Make sure you have done all the prep work before he arrives. That way you won’t get stains on your clothes.

After dinner, sit together on the couch; watch a scary movie so you can snuggle up close to him. Put your hand on his leg and then squeeze lightly at the scary parts. Turn into him, so that he can feel your boobs.

If everything goes as planned you should be making out by the time the movie is half way through. Now it’s the time to be brave. If you feel you will end up making love, do it on the couch. Don’t go hiding away in the darkness of your bedroom. Do it right there and then. Show him you are not shy and that you know what you want, and how to get it.

Undress him, loosen the tie slowly, and then unbutton the shirt one button at the time while you are straddling him. Let you skirt ride up on your thigh. Lean in to kiss him, but pull away in the last minute. Play with him, and have fun.

Do it on the floor, in the armchair or wherever there is space. This is the day of the lovers, so celebrate it.

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February 9, 2015
Have A Sexciting Vday
Have a Sexciting Vday!!

Life has been monotonous enough, and you are telling me that you just want to go through the motion this Valentine’s day with your wife? Come on!!

Do something out of the norm for you wife. How about a naughty evening for a change? Many times, women complain that their men do not spend enough time gearing thing up, or enough effort spicing things up. Guys, it’s time to take the lead this Valentines day!

Instead of paying a premium in restaurants and on roses, DIY everything YOUR sexy way at home!
1. Get home early to cook – in only an apron over your body to get yourself in the mood. Feel the air brushing through your skin and you will feel sexy instantly. Wait for her to return home.
2. Play some sexy jazzy music on the hi-fi. Humans are visual and audio creatures. Music gets yourself in the mood while waiting for her return.
3. When she gets ‎home, welcome her in that apron suit. Have a good kiss at the door before welcoming her to sit at the dining table. She should be very shocked by now.
4. Also get her to put on an apron, just like you. Instead of a usual gift, give her a sexy gift for this Valentine’s day. How about some sexy Babydolls? A naughty vibrator? Something that she will feel sexy in/on?
5. Instead of a ‎bouquet of flowers, how about a jar of condoms or edible undies?? Something that is really unexpected. By now, ladies already know what they are in for. The rest is up to your creativity to spice it up and create the fireworks that you want.
6. Have a good conversation over dinner. Please, gentleman, meet her needs FIRST!! No getting into action yet, let the sexual excitement build up through your attention towards her. Many women complain that they lose attractiveness in the eyes of their husband as they age. Proof this wrong to her through your undivided attention to her. Make sure you esteem her and edify her like you have never done it before. Even though you think she already knows, that’s not the point. She loves to hear it from you, again and again. So do it if you want what you want at the end of the night. Women love it!
7. Have some dessert wine (Ladies love them). Some alcohol makes the night a little more colorful. A little tipsy in a safe environment such as your own house is perfectly fine. In fact, it is so wonderful because there is nothing to worry about. Let yourself loose and let your heart take you home.
8. Have a small strip poker game or adult board game. You both have only 1 piece to strip anyway. It shall take you into action very soon.
9. End off the night whichever way u like it. It is time for your needs to be met, gentlemen. Make sure you make it memorable with a tight cuddle at the end. Let the tingling sensation linger after the fireworks to rekindle the love and affirmation.
So there you have it! Something different this Valentine’s day. You are free to add in any segment that fits your taste or fantasy. Remember, so something different, challenge your creativity in the realm of sexuality. I am sure you can rekindle the love between you and your spouse through a small act of creativity.

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February 9, 2015
Six worst relationship advices ever

Whirlwind romances, tiffs, break-ups. There are no shortage of well-intended advices when you let on that your relationship is on the rocks and things are rather shaky in lovey-dovey land. While we usually look to family members and friends who dish out great opinions to deal with the situation in hand, here’s a bunch of terrible advice that you definitely should give the boot:

Moving in together will solve your problem

If you and lady love were constantly squabbling about the most mundane of stuff such as what to do on date nights and vacation destinations, what makes you think that moving in and placing two fused bombs together will be the solution to those arguments. On contrary, we wouldn’t even dare linger in your apartment for more than a moment, for fear of being caught in the middle of those awkward silent killer stares.

Hang in there. It will get better once you have a baby

Do not get me wrong. While I am clearly not fond of swaddling a wailing baby in my arms and having to deal with infinite hours of diaper changing, I must agree that these “bundles of joy” do complete a happy family. A child needs to grow up in a conducive environment with loving and responsible caregivers who love each other as much as their lil spawn. No kid is gonna end up thriving well in a place with parents constantly yelling at each other.

It’s because he/she needs you and loves you too much

This should not be the reason why your partner is checking your phone and going through your Internet browsing history when you are asleep. This should not be the reason why you are no longer hanging out with your best friends, not allowed to indulge in your harmless checking-out-random-chicks moments in the pub, and why you now have to avoid all your friends of the opposite gender. Most importantly, this is not why he/she puts you through those physical abuses and mental torments.

Now that you are over (insert age), you have to lower your expectations

Age is the best testament to our life experiences and as we grow wiser and more financially independent with every year, we learn from our mistakes and (hopefully) figure out what works for us. If dating a millionaire who beer belches and boogie picks in public is clearly not your thing, then you simply have to find someone who will rock your world. Never shortchange yourself in a potentially unsatisfying relationship just because you are not longer in the prime age for the dating scene for there are tons of billionaires out there who will love you for who you are (and have the decency to dig out their boogies discretely).

It was a mistake. He/she won’t cheat on you again

This is a topic that is very close to my heart. Trust me. I may sound like a very bitter jilted lover but chances are he/she will cheat on you again because they have gotten away with it and you were the one who allowed them to do so. Even if they are truly repentant, the level of trust will need to be rebuilt from scratch, together with the phase of keeping tabs on your significant other’s whereabouts and secretly wondering if he/she is truly pulling an all-nighter at work. I have been through that and my best regards go out to both of you to making it work again.

If you love someone, let them go

Okay, this is probably very much debatable and not really that much of a terrible advice but I personally do not believe in the couch potato aka “watch and let go” way of managing a relationship. If you truly love someone, you would have made your expectations known at the very beginning and both of you would have already put in efforts to make the relationship a fulfilling one (in spite of all the many little arguments that both of you would have encountered along the way). In short, there would not even be the need for any salvage advice. On the other hand, if there has been a change of heart or he/she never loved you as much to begin with, it’s best to bid au revoir.

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February 6, 2015
Getting him out of his Man Cave
First of all, what is a “Man Cave”? The following is quoted in wikipedia:

Man caves have multiple purposes: they are a place to be alone, to be away from women and from female sensibilities, to indulge in hobbies, and to hang out with male friends. It is, loosely, a male-only space to retreat to watch sports matches, or play video games. Some psychologists claim that a man cave can provide refuge from stressful surroundings and be beneficial to marriage?

A man retreating to his man cave may be a good idea for him, but what about the woman who has to deal with his sudden need to get away?

From a woman’s perspective, she may feel left out while he retreats into his cave, especially after an argument or disagreement. This will make many women feel insecure about the relationship and shutout.

A man going into his man cave can send some women into a complete frenzy, trying to figure out how to get him out of his cave or wonder how long he plans on staying in there. Sometimes, retreating to a man cave can also imply an emotional retreat away from her, which for many women, they seldom understand why …

When a man uses his man cave as a way to not deal with an ongoing problem in a relationship, it is usually frustrating for a woman because she is left wondering what to do, and it can drive some women to the brink of insanity. For a man, this not a recommended way to deal with an ongoing problem, as this type of continued behavior from any man is usually a sign that he may not be a good mate and needs some maturing and communication skills.

What makes a man want to retreat into a man cave?

It is not all that complicated even though women tend to make it more complicated in their minds.

When a man feels like his partner is not appreciating him, or he is being punished, pushed too hard, nagged, overwhelmed, not ready to commit or needs space from her, he may retreat to his man cave. Depending on the man, or the coaxing of his partner will determine how long he stays in his man cave. There are men as well that need space from time to time in a relationship, which is understandable, and if they don’t get it they begin to feel trapped and want to hide. If he retreats, which for some men may be a missed phone call, or wanting to take time away with friends, or after an argument, there are a few things that a woman can do depending on the relationship and his reason for retreating. Men tend to retreat more than women, and women tend to want to talk things out….

A few tips on what a woman can do when this happens in the relationship.

Five ways to deal with a man when he goes into his man cave mode.
1. Do not pressure your guy to come out of his cave with continued calling or showing up unexpected at his house or place of work, this will only aggravate the situation. Do not threaten or demand for him to come out and talk to you. This type of behavior is one that may have driven him into his cave to begin with, so it will only drive him deeper into the cave. Too much pressure for some men and they may never come out at all. One phone call is usually enough. If he does not respond, then leave him alone.
2. Give him space and some time away out on his own. The idea of wanting to resolve the issue now and get on with it, this may be what a woman wants, but for the man he may need time to just get away and think about the situation. When he does come out of his man cave, do not attack him. Be nice to him instead of being angry or grumpy. Time is also good for a woman as well as she can have her space to understand her own feelings. Men tend to want to run than confront an emotional angry woman.
3. Crying to a man may have a negative reaction on him … Understand that when a woman becomes emotional with crying spells, most men do not know how to respond to that emotion, so they retreat. Men tend to hate it when women cry—for reasons that they often have difficulty articulating. Men may be biologically primed to react to a woman’s tears. According to a new study, even a whiff of tears can dramatically reduce his testosterone levels, and his desire for her. With or without conscious awareness, a woman crying is upsetting to a man. This is not to say that tears or being upset from time to time is going to push him away but crying about problems or having crying spells as a way to get what a woman wants can do just the opposite, turn him away. If the crying sent him running, then when he comes out of his cave, talk to him about it in a way that is positive and help him work through his feelings so the next time it happens he will know what to do. A hug or kiss, this may be all it takes! Men get confused by a woman emotions, but if told how they can help if it does happen again, they won’t feel so helpless and most would gladly offer a hug to stop a woman from continuous crying.
4. One attempt that a woman can try to get her man out of his cave is being sweet by offering to make him a home cooked meal. A simple offer of a peaceful evening and a full tummy with his favorite dish. Most men can’t resist this one. A simple caution, is if he says no, then just back away and give him time as stated in #1.
5. If he retreated to the cave because of a series of text messages that were bitchy or in a moment of emotional turmoil, an apology may coax him out. Text messaging upset feelings is never a good idea as he can read it over and over again; and words don’t always come out the same as speaking face to face or over the phone. Texting has caused more people to get into unnecessary arguments then any other type of verbal communication. The reason being is that it is an instant way to get emotions out, but it does not always convey the intent of the message or have allow the time to think about it. The other reason that texting is a problem is a person can re-read it over and over again having it become more ingrained in the mind in a negative way, and that makes them less likely to want to work it out and talk about it. Avoid text messaging emotional issues. Instead, send a text to call and meet in person to discuss the issue. This will also help a person to cool down if they are upset and think through their emotions. We are a society of quick fixes, and texting has become a way to spit it out instead of waiting for the other person to be ready to speak, it forces people to react without thinking.
For some women it may be helpful to understand that when a man goes into his man cave, it can be compared to a woman having her period, (grumpy, wanting to hibernate, moody, hurting, upset and needing time to just chill out and be alone) of course without the cramps, bleeding, fluctuating hormonal moods and bloating…

Communication

Learning how to communicate with a man can be frustrating for many women because they are used to communicating with their girlfriends in a way that men do not typically speak. Expecting a man to have the patience to listen to their problems without wanting them to solve the problem, can leave a man feeling helpless. Most men, especially younger men, are not used to this type of communication. They want to solve the problem and be done with it, whereas women on the other hand like to talk about their feelings so that they can get it off of their chest and have another person agree with them.

When women expect to have this type of communication with a man on a regular basis, most men will lose patience with her after a while and either retreat or say something to aggravate her and then it ends in an argument. Telling your man beforehand that you just need him to listen as a friend for a bit without a solution, can give him some clues as to what he is supposed to do and what is expected of him. Remember that he is not a girlfriend and at some point going on and on about a subject is best left to discuss with the girls. Too much complaining and he may run into his man cave again, for fear of getting corned into another lengthy emotional conversation.

As always, there are men that are more apt to lending an ear better than others from time to time, but for most men their instinct is to solve problems. That is what their mind are wired to do.

This article has been republished with permission from Dr. Dawn Michael.

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January 27, 2015
Pickup Artist VS Dating Coach

What’s the difference between a pickup artist & a dating coach? Don’t you both teach how to get laid?

Technically, a pickup artist teaches the art of the cold approach. Simply put, how to approach, attract, connect and seduce a total stranger. A dating coach teaches men the art of dating. In other words, they teach conversational skills, stimulation skills, good manners to have on dates, how to handle logistics etc … Things pertaining to dating.

Practically speaking, it really is mostly semantics.

Firstly, a lot of the skills are involved in picking up a total stranger, crossover with skills are required to do well in the dating scene (interacting romantically with people you already know). Things like conversational skills for example.

Secondly, whilst a pickup artist is supposed to teach how to pick up strangers, a dating coach teaches you how to conduct yourself in dating scenarios, both pretty much do not adhere to these constraints at all. A pickup artist ends up teaching you how to do well within your social circle, they occasionally teach holistic self-development, and they almost always teach some sort of relationship maintenance.

When it comes to dating coaches (for men), it is even worse. Dating coaches almost totally makes the term irrelevant, because so many dating coaches are essentially pickup artists in disguise. They generally also teach pickup, self-development, and conversational skills etc … There is essentially little difference between both.

Now to answer the second question, do we both teach people how to get laid? Essentially, we could do. Mostly, the question isn’t of much importance. The reason is because we both teach skills. We teach skills that help you get better with women romantically and that often also entails being able to “get laid”. So we teach you the skills and at the end of the day, what you choose to do with those skills isn’t our business. However, we screen our clients and students for potential criminal behaviour as much as we can and we always advocate good morals in our lessons, slides, books and blog posts. Having said that, if you are single and absolutely unattached, and you are totally upfront about what you want from a woman, be it a romantic, platonic, or even sexual relationship, then in my opinion no wrong is done, and no morals are crossed. In my opinion, deceit is the real evil, not being sexually free.

In terms of my company, Navigating Social Relationships, I don’t actually know if we are dating coaches, or pick-up artists or whatever. In fact we’re probably none and it doesn’t matter anyway. All I know is that what we teach is this: How to initiate romantic relationships, and how to maintain them.

We teach this through mental development, body manipulation, skill-sets development, and also through the art of the cold approach. We do it all in a holistic attempt to get you better with women. To get you better at improving your romantic life. In fact, one of the reasons we teach the cold-approach, is because it is a means to an end. And that end isn’t to get the number, or even to get laid. That end is about self-development, to a level where women will love you, to a level where your boss will love you, to a level where everyone will respect you because you are a solid and well-developed man.

Pickup teaches you to handle rejection; it teaches you build your self-confidence and self-esteem such that it is made of bricks, and not a house of cards. It forces you to learn conversational skills, and repeatedly gives you an avenue to practise those skills. If you want to use picking up as a means to get laid, you could do that. If you wanted to use it to self-develop, you could do that, if you wanted to use it to find a romantic partner, you could do that too. Overall, we recommend that you use it for self-development and allow that to find you a romantic partner, or whatever pleases you within the moral boundaries.

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January 8, 2015