Tag: Lifestyle

  • Dating in your 40s & 50s and the lingerie YOU wear…

    Dating in your 40s & 50s and the lingerie YOU wear…

    Anyone in their 40s and 50s knows that as a woman, it is certainly not as easy as one might think to get back out into the dating world with all the games and players.  After having been in a relationship or a long-term marriage, you must know that times have changed and the rules are drastically different. For many women like myself, I was in a marriage for over 17 years and when I divorced, I was oblivious to the modern day dating world.

    After having been single for years and gone through the disasters of dating from A to Z, I realized that I could probably write a book on my bad encounters, and in the midst of it all, I met someone.  The problem here lies that as we get older, we tend to forget about our sensual side.  You know, the one that screams steamy and have your way with me.  How do you act, and what the hell do your wear, not only on the outer layer but also underneath your clothes?  I did have one advantage … lingerie was no foreign chit chat to me.  Nevertheless, I suspect that regardless of the woman, we all have some of our own insecurities.

    As a woman, I think that we tend to be just a tad bit overly harsh on ourselves.  Women in their 40s and 50s should not feel like they are any less spicy.  We can be quite judgmental of our figures, but don’t allow it to take the fun out of dressing sexy.  Be yourself, wear something that makes you feel good about you.  Here are a few tips: Do confirm that it is the right size.  Who cares if you need a large and not a medium?  I’d much rather have a loose-fitting piece of intimate apparel on and feel comfy in it verses wearing something too tight so that when I bent over I worried that it would split. Not sure what your forte in lingerie is?  Find a few distinctive pieces and see which one that not only looks more enticing on you, but rather which piece makes you feel sublime.  Have a lingerie montage in your walk-in closet, and as Madonna once sang “strike a pose!”

    I recommend trying every piece at hand once just to see which works best with your body and build type.  How do you know what is right?  I’ll get into that in upcoming articles where I explain more about each piece of lingerie and give some history about it.  My rule of thumb is quite lucid.  When in doubt, be certain that you have a sexy bra and panty set.  It is simple and yells lustful, in an easy, more laid back nonchalant way … so that’s a good choice.  My second favorite is a sexy chemise.  Get creative.  Show your playful spontaneous side if you will?  Showing up at his house when he is cooking you a romantic dinner in nothing but a trench coat, draped in a sexy chemise underneath, sexy satin panties accompanied with garters and stockings.  Believe me, this will send him into orbit.  Forget the dinner sister, you just became the main course.

    Regardless of your age, lingerie is sexy so be the temptress! With that being said; you can look and feel provocative but too many woman think that they have to lay it on thick when in fact, all most men really want is simplicity.  Sure there are corsets, which happen to be super erotic and intoxicating but you do need to remember that during foreplay, getting a woman out of a corset for a man is not always that easy.  Foreplay is what arouses a man and stimulation in a sensual encounter is decisive.  If you are wearing a corset and your partner doesn’t know how to get it off you, this might send your night of passion down the drain.  If you want to have a steamy night, might I suggest saving the corset for another time?  Some men find it quite difficult to wrap their fingers around tiny clasps and hooks, so give them something far easier to work with.

    Dating isn’t easy at our age and we are stressed out enough before spending romantic time with our new someone, so seriously, don’t get yourself in a tizzy worrying about lingerie. Wear what makes you feel good. Each piece we sell at Simply Delicious Lingerie offers sex appeal on various levels of foreplay. Bedroom and role-play costumes are fun and most often have a way of taking the edge off.  It also sends to him that ‘come hither’ look, and furthermore, it may be the perfect choice to seduce your partner in a playful way.

    Lets face it, men love to be teased, so find what pushes his buttons and ravish him.  If you are in a new relationship or if you’ve been dating for a while, remember, it doesn’t cost a lot to look sexy.  Just find what works best for you in sizes, colors and styles.  Flaunt your curves ladies. 50 is the new 30!


    Image courtesy of Michele Savin
    Have an amazing experience or tips you like to share on SimplySxy?  Drop us an email at editorial@SimplySxy.com!

  • Dr Martha’s last video for 2014

    Dr Martha’s last video for 2014

    This article and all associated images have been republished with permission from Dr Martha Tara Lee.
    Please visit Dr Martha Tara Lee’s website to view original post and more of Dr Martha’s work.


    Join SimplySxy’s forum discussions now on Society
    Do not miss another article on SimplySxy!  Follow us on Facebook and Twitter for our latest updates!

  • 5 EXOTIC DATE IDEAS IN SINGAPORE

    5 EXOTIC DATE IDEAS IN SINGAPORE

    Because movie-and-dinner dates are so passé …

    1. Riders Café

    1. Riders Cafe-2For: The old-fashioned gentlewoman

    Looking straight out of an Old Western, Riders Café’s rustic colonial charm is the perfect atmosphere for a posh, classy first date away from the bustle of the city. The horses casually strolling by are a good conversation topic should you run out of things to talk about. If your date has a penchant for sexy cowboys lounging in the hay, bringing her to the Bukit Timah Saddle Club may just convince her that you’re good with horses … or maybe hung like one?


    S
    eriously Man’s (SM) tip: Brunch is the best time to visit. Give their eggs benedict a try, and take a taxi or drive unless you want to arrive looking like you just showered. In saltwater. And oil.

    2. Prince of Wales Backpackers Pub

    2. POW-2

    For: The adventurous traveller

    Nestled in the middle of the tropical and colourful district of Little India, POW will make for an unforgettable date. The authentic Australian menu and draught beers are surprisingly good and easy on the wallet. Complete with quirky backpackers and unique décor, the shophouse also hosts barbecues and live singers. If you can’t whisk her away on an exotic round trip to South Asia, this comes in a close second.


    SM’s tip:
    Go after 8pm when the revelry begins. Check out their unique draught beers and impress her with your travel tales over dinner.

    3. Quayside Isle

    3. Quayside Isle-2

    For: The atas, sophisticated lady

    Even the name sounds exotic. Singapore’s most opulent district will make you feel like you just stepped onto a private island exclusively for mysterious billionaires. With luxurious white yachts lounging casually in the docks and an unobstructed view of the waters, Quayside Isle on Sentosa Cove is every girl’s Instagram dream come true. Be prepared to take countless #ootd shots but hey, the things we do for love.


    SM’s tip:
    For dinner with a killer view, try Paradiso Restaurant & Bar. Their Mediterranean offerings with a selection of tropical cocktails will make you feel like you’re on an island that’s less Singapura, and more Santorini.

    4. Wakeboarding

    4. Wakeboarding-1For: The sporty one with a sexy tan

    The extreme sport du jour, wakeboarding has gained a dedicated following in Singapore for its high-octane, thrilling rush. SKI360 at East Coast Parkway provides services for everyone from beginners to experts. And don’t worry—all equipment is provided on site. Also, adrenaline is closely linked to the physiology of romantic love so you might just convince her that her increased heart rate and sweating are due to love at first sight. Hell yeah, science.

    SM’s tip: Work out beforehand to make sure you can keep up with her. And bring sunblock.

    5. The Halia

    5. The Halia-1For: Nature lovers and tree huggers

    Not to be confused with the Hagia Sophia. The Halia is a stunning restaurant tucked away in the Botanic Gardens that will transport your date to the forests of Brazil. Surrounded by lush greenery and charming bird calls, this is the place for intimate dates where things get au naturel. Take her on a walk before dinner around the gardens and impress with your encyclopedic knowledge of flora and fauna.

    SM’s tip: Bring insect repellent.


    This article and all associated images have been republished with permission from Seriously Man.
    Feature image courtesy of Shutterstock.


    Join SimplySxy’s forum discussions now on Society
    Do not miss another article on SimplySxy!  Follow us on Facebook and Twitter for our latest updates!

  • A Naughty Christmas Sign Off

    A Naughty Christmas Sign Off

    20207-fashion-gift-packaging-materialI guess you all have been good girls the whole year long and you can expect a lot of nice gifts from your sweetheart. And as a reward, you can demand to be UNWRAPPED first (not that he will mind it at all) 🙂
    For those who have been very naughty this year, your Santa Claus has been very upset and you should have gotten the punishment you deserve, you bad, bad girl !! Your darling has already bought you a suitable flogger to teach you some manners!
    Whatever you are expecting from under the Christmas tree, have a joyful sensual night and enjoy the snugly and relaxing days off! Make good use the time and get inspired with those additional Christmas candles gifts. For those, who have received boxes of lovely chocolates, it is now the perfect time to have them melted and smeared all over your bodies for a post-Christmas feast and perhaps, bake X-mas cookies together naked with the yummy leftover chocolate bits …
    Happy holidays !

    Jutta Teschner BA (Hons) | Design and Managing Director | fishbelly

    fishbelly is located at 45, Hollywood Road 1/F, Soho/Central, Hong Kong.
    For more enquiries, contact fishbelly at Tel. (+852) 5111 9877, mail@fishbelly-lingerie.com or visit their website at http://www.fishbelly-lingerie.com/


    All images courtesy of Jutta Teschner
    Join SimplySxy’s forum discussions now on Society
    Do not miss another article on SimplySxy!  Follow us on Facebook and Twitter for our latest updates!

  • Who says you cannot be naughty + nice?

    Who says you cannot be naughty + nice?

    Christmas has descended upon us once again! Amidst the merry making, gift-wrapping and festive cheers, there is still that important question that begs to be answered: Naughty, or nice?

    To be frank, what’s the point of segregating the naughty from the nice? Who says you cannot be naughty while, at the same time, be nice? Or vice versa? I am pretty sure that Santa has gotten on with the times and disregarded making those lists and checking them twice.

    Let’s start with the simple stuff: how to be nice. There are plenty of examples that you can execute, which automatically fall under the nice list:

    1. Surprise that special someone with a home-cooked meal! If you can’t cook, get their favourite take-outs and fashion it into a presentable meal at home. Alternatively, if you are not into that much work, just reserve a table for two in a place that you can (obviously) afford or go Dutch with.
    2. Get him or her that gift that they have always coveted. But of course, do bear in mind your budget for this season. Don’t skimp on other gifts just to get that something special. Or worse, get yourself into serious debt. Tis the season to be jolly, not to be devoid of money.
    3. If you are up for something altruistic, how about setting aside some time to do voluntary work? Find a cause that resonates strongly with you and give back to society. Spread some Christmas cheer to those less fortunate than us.

    Once you are done with the niceties, it’s finally time to put on your sexy Santa outfit – or elf, if you are into that sort of thing – get out there and get some! Depending on what flavour you like, add some spice and mint this festive season:

    1. Inject spicy moves into your bedroom activities. Greet your partner at the door with barely minimal or even nothing on. Blindfold them. Tie their hands and feet together with something silky. Introduce feathers into the foreplay. Get the temperatures rising by alternating with something hot and cold. Some biting action here and there, so long as they are in discrete spots. For the home run, do it anywhere and everywhere apart from the bed.
    2. Suggest going for a long drive across the country. Ride shotgun and give him glimpses of what he will be receiving once you have reached your secluded destination. If you’re the driver, that’s even better! Of course, be mindful of the traffic laws. As what they say in the army: you can do anything, so long as you don’t get caught.
    3. If you are feeling extremely naughty, how about a threesome? That will be the ultimate surprise. It can also be a good gift, if you can’t afford to buy anything this year. If a threesome proves to be a tad too much, get someone to be a voyeur instead – it is not too extreme, yet at the same time still injecting that naughty vibe. However, if you want something even more extreme, then go ahead and find a sex party. Now kids, remember that it is always better to be safe than sorry, so ensure that the gloves are on before the lovin’ can commence.

    Mixing up the naughty and the nice this festive season is not a difficult task to execute and achieve. With some sleigh bells jingle-ing and ring ting tingle-ing, now is the time for some (sleigh) ride with your Santa baby, who will be hurrying down that chimney tonight.

    Let’s get your Feliz Navidad on!

  • The naughty christmas gift

    The naughty christmas gift

    So, the holiday season is upon us … and, yes, choices have to be made, important choices, choices about what to get your partner for Christmas, or Festivus, or whatever great excuse you favor towards the end of the year for a massive nosh-up and gratuitous gift-swapping. Like, do you get your significant other the kind of gift that should, all being well, lead to you both getting sweet and sweaty in the sack?

    If you do decide to get that kind of gift, just how far along the fruity scale do you push it; soft or romantic; hard or dirty; nice or naughty? It is, if you like, the old holiday yin or yang question … or, to put it in more seasonally, the old ding or dong question. And of course, if you are getting something sexy, make sure that it’s going to be as much fun for her ding as it’s going to be for your dong. Remember, whatever you choose to buy, it is still, ostensibly, meant to be a gift for them, so don’t just buy your girlfriend a cock-ring.

    If you make sure the intimate gift you choose is for both of you to enjoy, then it probably won’t matter how naughty the item is in itself, because putting it to use will be so nice.

    Now, helpful preamble done, let’s get down to what I’ll be getting my wife this year … Be warned, obvious inherent sexiness aside, some of you may find the schmaltzy sentimentality of what I’m about to tell you somewhat akin to a natural emetic (look it up!), but hey, that’s your problem … I know what my wife likes. This year, I’m making her —that’s right, I said ‘making’—with paper and pens and sticking stuff and whatever other crafty material I can lay my hands on, a booklet of coupons!

    That’s right, on the morning of December 25, 2014, I will be presenting my Boo with a lovingly handcrafted booklet of coupons, each of which she may redeem at any time in exchange for the activity scribed thereupon. And in tribute to that same spirit of moral simplicity that marks the rest of the holiday season, the activities I have chosen are, quite literally, a healthy mix of the naughty and the nice, the racy and the romantic.

    Here’s the rundown (you can work out all the ‘this coupon entitles the holder to …’ shtick yourselves):

    • Dinner for two in your favorite restaurant
    • A sensual massage
    • Queen for a day
    • Oral sex—anytime, anywhere
    • Breakfast in bed
    • Role-play fantasy fuck
    • Romantic movie night
    • Sexy underwear day
    • A night on the town
    • Striptease

    There, just as I said, a sweet and spicy potpourri of everything, from the heart-meltingly romantic to the downright nipple-tingling horny. You’ll notice that even the sweet stuff has the potential to end in a happy state of undress. Speaking of which, you may be asking yourself, what the hell is sexy underwear day? To be honest, it seems pretty self-explanatory to me, but what the hell … This is something that my wife and I fell upon by accident when she bought a corset a few years ago and we decided to do something called ‘Corset Day’, whereby for the whole of that day we did not leave the house and she wore nothing but a sexy, silky purple corset with stockings and suspenders (no panties!) while I wore nothing—nothing—but an open kimono-style robe. The joy of that day is seeing how long you can hold off from actually reaching orgasm—I mean, obviously, you’ll have a few, but a day is a long time and you’ll not want to spend it all too early—but, man, when you’re both looking so damn hot, it … is … hard! I’d recommend it to anyone. It’s a fucking great way to spend the day. Anyway, ‘sexy underwear day’ is a variation on that, except the underwear is new and a surprise to each other on unveiling. Since my wife reads my work, I can’t say what I’ve already picked out for when that awesome day arrives … seriously, it’s better than Christmas!

    Everything on that list pretty much speaks for itself. Do make sure, however, that with something like ‘Queen for a Day’ your partner understands her absolute, imperial rule covers all things sexual and not just polishing her knick-knacks, unless, of course, that’s a thing too.

    So, a relatively simple thing, a booklet of coupons, with the right choice of items can be an amazingly saucy, sensual gift. And let’s not forget that simply having so thoughtfully gone to the trouble of manufacturing something with your bare hands (sure, I know, it’s not like I chopped down a tree and carved a table, but we all live in cities, damn it!) will, in itself, no doubt earn more than a few all too appreciable brownie points … which you’ll probably be able to exchange for a blowie.

    Naughty, yes, but very, very nice.
    Happy Holidays!

    Jack Carrer for BaDoink.com


    Image courtesy of Shutterstock
    Join SimplySxy’s forum discussions now on Society
    Do not miss another article on SimplySxy!  Follow us on Facebook and Twitter for our latest updates!

  • Do Nice Girls Finish Last?

    Do Nice Girls Finish Last?

    When I was just a little girl, I asked my mother, what should I be. And she told me I should be a nice girl. I should be polite, well-mannered, respectful and listen to others. Only then would I be able to find love. My mother’s advice came from the best intentions, but stemmed from an era where the end-goal of any woman was to get married and start a family, end of story. (And even then, it doesn’t always hold true. I am nice and as single as the day I was born, and there are some really nasty chicks out there who have managed to get hitched.)

    These days, being nice might actually hinder one in the eternal quest towards self-actualization. When it comes to fulfillment in the messy world of contemporary dating, in the realm of sexual satisfaction, in the search for a partner worthy of whatever duration of time one prefers to partner up for, sometimes, being naughty is the key.

    Be Demanding … of Respect

    Being Aggressive, assertive, or “strong” in any sense is often seen as the antithesis of “niceness”. But there’s a reason why being called a Bad Bitch is powerful, and being the Baddest Bitch is an accolade—it takes an insult and turns it into a term that denotes Respect. Be someone who demands this from yourself and from those around you when you’re dating. You’ll start to see how easily some people who throw around “baby” clearly do not see you as worthwhile as you are.

    Challenge Your Partner, Say what you Want

    Ever worry about how voicing what you feel or really think would make someone else feel bad? Or that by voicing what you’d like to do or have done to you would seem pushy and selfish? That’s okay. As human beings, we all have wants. As someone with intelligence and taste, you should have opinions, and you should always feel comfortable and free to voice them around someone who might be a potential partner, especially if you disagree.  If you can’t say what you think without fear of being shut down, or to someone who won’t listen, this probably isn’t the best relationship/hookup/person for you to be around. There’s no fun in banter without a little provocation!

    Proposition

    Remember Eartha Kitt’s Santa Baby? Girl sure is asking for a lot of things, but she feels entitled to them!  There’s never any harm in asking for what you want. Can’t get someone to text back? Unwanted behavior rearing its head? Suggest something new.
    Set boundaries on what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior (going AWOL for a week before replying, changing plans last minute) and instead of waiting patiently for this person to pick up on hints, speak plainly and directly. Come up with new proposals on how to move forward so you can get the kind of attention you want. Don’t know when someone will show up? Ask if they can make it to where you are, by a set time. If they can’t, let them know you value your time and if they can’t suit your schedule, there are a million better things (or people) to do.

    Put Yourself First

    Nice Girls spend a lot of time putting the needs and wants of others ahead of themselves, so it can feel heavenly when your number one priority is you, for a change. Figuring out exactly what you want can help you eliminate a lot of the uncertainty in between bad dates and good ones, and once you know what pleases you and what doesn’t, the rest will fall into place.


    Image courtesy of Shutterstock
    Join SimplySxy’s forum discussions now on Society
    Do not miss another article on SimplySxy!  Follow us on Facebook and Twitter for our latest updates!

  • The Naughty Christmas Girl

    The Naughty Christmas Girl

    Christmas season is around the corner and it’s time to hang up the lights, find the gnomes and get the fake sled out of the basement. It’s a time to be happy and share good times with family and friends. Gorge on unhealthy food and drink too much egg toddy.

    It is also a time to be naughty J

    When I was in my early and mid-twenties, I would enjoy being the naughty girl at the company Christmas party. Usually I was just a regular young woman doing my job, but once a year I shed the innocent girl look and put on my little short red dress, and fuck me heels. I would move around flirting with my co-workers, my bosses and any other poor man I got close to, even Santa Claus was not safe. I would jump up on his lap and purr in his ear, telling him I had been a good girl all year and I was worth a nice big gift.

    Why do I tell you this?

    Well, in all Christmas parties there is a girl like this. If it’s a family reunion it might be the long lost cousin, or the sister who lives out of town. At a company event, it could be the silent secretary with the horn rimmed glasses who comes at you in a miniskirt and a deep cleavage.

    There are men who do the same thing. Let them have some toddy and Mr. Casanova shines through the innocent front of the office clerk. He will seduce you with snowball fights and building snowmen, then when you least expect it, he will fall with you to the ground where you roll around laughing and giggling until he places a soft kiss on your cold lips.

    Some would say the alcohol consumed during Christmas parties is the reason for this behavior, but I say it is only a small part. I think the biggest reason is that, at least for families, it is a time to see people you haven’t met in a long time, and sometimes, your sister’s good looking hubby is just too good, not to flirt with.

    Nothing innocent with a little flirt is there? You bet there is, it could ruin the entire evening for everyone.

    What about the flirty secretary at the company get together? Same thing there, an innocent flirt with the boss could lead to a quick round of wild sex on the copy machine and that in turn could lead to a very embarrassing meeting the following work day.

    So readers, enjoy the holiday season, have a lot of sex, but think twice before you become the flirt at the party.


    Image courtesy of Shutterstock
    Join SimplySxy’s forum discussions now on Society
    Do not miss another article on SimplySxy!  Follow us on Facebook and Twitter for our latest updates!

  • SEX WORK BURNOUT: PART II

    SEX WORK BURNOUT: PART II

    Eventually, I heard the word ‘burnout’ by other sex workers and it suddenly made perfect sense. I couldn’t cope with the intensity that came with being a sex worker, a student and a full-time worker in another job. It was strange because I was so used to overworking. My whole life I committed myself to two jobs, studying and my family. Burnout wasn’t a thing. It didn’t exist in my universe. I was unprepared for its paralysing and merciless grasp. Once I understood what it was, I could keep it under wraps. I needed to learn how to recognise the signs of a burnout before it fully wrenched my spirit from my body in a vise-like grip.

    I have learnt to accept the burnout as a sort of workplace hazard and how to manage it. Like a creeping UTI, I can battle it before it reaches me. It’s up to every sex worker to learn what a burnout means to them and to prepare for it. It’s unwise to avoid it or pretend it doesn’t exist because it doesn’t avoid you. It can cripple you and will only be rid of you when it’s ready to. I’ve only had one other burnout to that severity and length ever since. The second one was worse, it took me a month and a half to recover and it engulfed me in almost exactly in the same manner. You’d think I’d have learnt from the first but hey, I fucked up anyway.

    After this traumatic experience, I learnt that if I were to continue to live my life as a sex worker, I needed the support of my closest friends. Lying to your favourite people isn’t a nice feeling, even if it’s for the better. No matter if it’s the starkest white of white lies, it doesn’t feel too good. So one by one, I confessed my ‘secret’ to the people whom I needed the most. All those people are with me today and continue to love me, even if they worry from time to time. I’m fortunate like that.

    One of the key things I have learn from that experience is that even though I can meet my sexual needs through my work, it will never be exactly to my liking. I’ve isolated the trigger to my burnouts as a lack of sexual satisfaction and that might sound ironic coming from a sex worker. The thing is, no matter how many clients I see, my focus is always on them. I am incapable of focusing exclusively on myself. Even if it’s the clients desire to pleasure only me, I’m always pushing myself to be pleasured by them to meet their needs rather than completely letting go. As someone who works with hourly intervals, I feel I must orgasm for my clients within that fixed period in order to do my job exceptionally. Before long, I figured that I need to have sex for myself, in a manner that works for me and since then, I’ve found someone to provide that for me. Much like a psychologist needs to see another psychologist because of the sheer volume of emotion they’re exposed to and the adverse ability this has to manifest, so it goes that I need a sexual partner to unload on. A husband wouldn’t ask his psychologist wife why she would seek a psychologist when she could just speak to him and it just so happens with me that my romantic life and my need for sexual care are not intertwined. The sex that I have for me is not intimate or entangled with emotions; it’s raw and explosive and catered especially for me. As for my love life … well, that’s a whole other story.


    Image courtesy of Shutterstock
    Join SimplySxy’s forum discussions now on Society
    Do not miss another article on SimplySxy!  Follow us on Facebook and Twitter for our latest updates!

  • SEX WORK BURNOUT: PART I

    SEX WORK BURNOUT: PART I

    ​It can be difficult, as a sex worker, to talk about my bad experiences because it feeds platitudes so often attached to sex work. I almost feel like it’s unnecessary, when I do speak people respond unhelpfully, even the well-intentioned ones. Then I run the risk of my story being stolen, remodelled and used to attack my industry—which in turn contributes to the very stigma that catalysed these hardships. I speak to raise awareness, so people can hear an actual lived experience, for how can I expect the world to think differently of people like me when we remain silent and allow others to tell our stories? The silence is unbearable, anyone can scoop it up and mould it into a tragic story to their liking and they often do. Other times, I’m held culpable for placing myself in these circumstances, as though it’s my fault that anything bad happens simply because I choose to be a sex worker. As if it’s acceptable and to be expected. Being a sex worker shouldn’t mean I deserve to be treated any less human and to think otherwise means that you’re perpetrated to the stigma that hurts me and every other sex worker. If I was in any other industry and I spoke of a hapless time, I
    wouldn’t be treated like that. So now I will recall upon a time I suffered my first burnout as a sex worker. It continues to haunt me to this day. The trauma from the burnout wasn’t due to the type of work I do; I’m comfortable with sex. It was a rather a case of doing too many things at once. Unfortunately, there is no ‘how to’ guide to sex work to prepare you for such events and even if there was, it wouldn’t be suitable for everyone. Sex is a subjective experience

    I was 19 when my first burnout hit me and I had never had a burnout before. I didn’t even know what a burnout was. The closest thing I felt to a burnout was a meltdown. They felt catastrophic but were nothing compared to a burnout. I have periodic meltdowns nearly every 3 months and they are a necessity whereby I would sit down after every episode and re-evaluate my life, direction and reposition my perspective.

    Meltdowns feel like I’m breathing in smoke, slowly suffocating, it’s a building anxiety really. It feels like a wraith is stalking me, prodding me, adding weight to my shoulders, whispering nonsense to my ear. And finally when I’ve had enough, I react inelegantly. And it’s during these meltdowns that I realise I have unwittingly relinquished what the wraith has sought for all along and taken possession of my control. Feeling plight and embarrassed for myself, I go on with my day as if nothing occurred and I hope no one ever brings it up.

    The signs of a meltdown are clear cut for me. I get distracted easily. I turn into a smart ass. I get colds. I have headaches. I don’t have energy. I’m grumpy. People keep telling me I’m on my period. My feet feel heavy. My eyes strain. Everyone annoys me. I need to physically stop myself when these signs are apparent because they don’t stop themselves. During these times, I have a time out. I have a kit-kat. I get out of town. I read a book. I buy myself new tea. I stop pushing myself. I stop pushing others. I just hit the brakes as hard as I can until I’m ok again. The wraith eases away and I hold it at bay where it belongs. That’s where it stays, that it’s spot, out of my way.

    When I had my first burnout, there was no wraith. As a matter of fact, that anxiety was nowhere to be seen. I think the wraith scattered off when a much fiercer force foreshadows me. Like a mouse that sees a human, I think it did the smart thing and ran in the opposite direction. Me being me, I was oblivious. I just did what I normally did: I worked. I’m a hard worker, with nearly everything, all the time. I’m more comfortable that way, being stressed out is almost therapeutic for someone of my character. It can be problematic because I induce my own meltdowns.

    I’ll admit that there was tension before the burnout happened. I didn’t see it then but I see it now. All the tell-tale signs were there but my determination coupled with my stubbornness often meant I had a difficult time confessing to my vulnerability, even to myself. I still sometimes do.

    At that time, I never refused a booking unless I didn’t have time and I only took breaks when I was physically exhausted or otherwise engaged. Besides, I could sneak in naps between lectures at university. I didn’t know that by handling so many things at once, I was diving head first into a hellhole. My physical body took the brunt of the burnout before my psychological self did. Like a tsunami, it overcame me. I remember fighting the creeping sniffles, the ache in my bones, the numbing headaches, my withering muscles. Normally, I could fight off anything, I was ‘superwoman’. But overnight, my body succumbed and no matter what I did, I could not muster the strength to rise from that bed. Control was relinquished and I was left alone. I’m not the kindest to my body and it does have a tendency to shut down if I ignore its pleas: partying, sleep deprivation, diet, any of these things or usually a combination. Throw stress into the mix and of course my body betrays me. I thought that I had just pushed myself too hard as usual. The physicality was just the beginning. Within a few days, the simple brain functions went offline. I stared at the ceiling in my bed, at the walls, my eyes glazed over, with very little sensation in my body. I was numb and silent and I could only hear the sound of my shallow breathing and my monotone heartbeat. While music usually helps reach to my heart, but even that had lost its touch. It felt like a heavy liquid was flowing, drip by drip, onto the centre of my forehead. I didn’t move and I didn’t think. I didn’t even sleep properly; I just drifted wish-washed through the layers of consciousness. I was so far gone into a dream like trance that I forgot that there were people who loved me and who cared for me. Eerily, it seemed as though time had stopped and I was transfixed in a reverie of absolute nothingness. I wasn’t in any physical pain, it just felt like my soul left my body and I was left to deal with a hollow version of myself. I don’t remember leaving my room for anything although I must have. I’m not even sure if I ate food. My radio silence had people worrying for my wellbeing. I lay in that bed for a week, with little stimulation, no human contact, no desire to do anything. When I eventually came to, I was confused by what I had experienced. I needed to catch up on proper sleep and eat real food. I went to my family home, curled up in my mother’s lap and asked for her love and nurture. A few days later, I went back to my own home with some basic functionality regained but I was still fairly lost. It took a further two weeks to find my mind and my heart. My brain wasn’t working. I could barely string sentences together. My body struggled to do the simple things like hold a cup of tea. I would walk into walls. I’d give up on walking and lay on the floor. I would stand in the shower and forget why I was there. I would try to read a book only to find myself reading the first line over and over again. All in all, it took a month of recovery.


    Stay tuned to tomorrow for Estelle’s road to recovery from sex work burnout …


    Image courtesy of Shutterstock
    Join SimplySxy’s forum discussions now on Society
    Do not miss another article on SimplySxy!  Follow us on Facebook and Twitter for our latest updates!