SimplySxy

Tag: Lifestyle

  • Wiping the Lipstick Off: The Silhouette Girl

    Wiping the Lipstick Off: The Silhouette Girl

    When I tell people I’m a sex worker, I know exactly what is running through their minds. Red lipstick, heels, fishnets, short clothing, long nails, and every other stereotypical thing that makes up the sex worker “ideal.” That is my life to them, even if I’m standing in front of them wearing sweats and a sweatshirt, hair a mess, nails chewed, and donning a pair of flip-flops. There seems to be a huge disconnect between “sex work Espi” and the Espi that is standing right in front of them. What most people don’t realize is that “sex work Espi” and the Espi they know are the same person. Sex workers are detached – another realm of humanity that the average person can’t grab hold of or put a face on. We are long-haired, long-legged, high heel-wearing silhouettes. When the average person comes to the realization that they actually know one of us, we become the test subject, and every ounce of our lives becomes theirs to put a magnifying glass over. So where is this disconnect? What makes us these shadows in the night, foreign to the average person? The answer is simple: nothing.

    When I tell people I’m a sex worker and that I make porn, it’s seemingly impossible for them to realize that my life is more than just shoving stuff into myself for a camera. It’s like people don’t want to see me as a person as “normal” as they are. They don’t want to hear about the cats I have to feed, the snake I have to water, or the family I’m visiting. They don’t want to know that I spend most of my time binge watching television shows, just like they do. To them, I am another silhouette figure, lying on my mattress covered in dildos with mascara streaming down my face and a camera recording my constantly sexual life at all times. With the release of the documentary, Hot Girls Wanted, I’ve thought a lot about what it is that makes society only want to see the parts of us that are our jobs. It’s rare I’ll watch a documentary about porn and see the people in the documentary expressing anything other than pornographic thoughts, and this new (and problematic, though that could be a whole new article) documentary is no exception. To some extent, I can understand why: it would be boring if people knew the truth about sex workers. If they knew that we do normal things and are normal people. However, this trend still reflects a greater, more troubling issue, and that’s the issue of the Silhouette Girl.

    The Silhouette Girl has no agency. In Hot Girls Wanted, she is presented through the lens of the people around her and what they think about her choices. The full service sex worker is typically presented through the lens of abolitionists and anti-sex workers. When an article was written about me, I was utterly silenced by those in the comments who used my story as a platform to explain why sex work was wrong. It does not matter how loudly we scream, we are always the Silhouette Girl. Looking at this trend and how it is reflected in the media, especially when it comes to documentaries, that is where we see why people aren’t interested in knowing who we are as people. If the average person is able to completely himself/herself from me and see me only as a walking sex toy, completely devoid of my humanity, their whorephobia and the crimes against me go unnoticed.

    The same can be said when people use the phrase “sell your body.” No one in sex work is selling their bodies. Only people in the underground organ market do that. What we sell is an experience – an allotted amount of time paid for by the customer where they have access to my sexual content. By using the phrase “sell your body,” it makes it okay when sex workers are sexually assaulted and killed. If we have been bought, we become property. If we are property, then our “owners” are able to do with us whatever they please. The Silhouette Girl is once again devoid of any sense of agency and any sense of rights.

    So how do we go from being viewed as the Silhouette Girl to being viewed as Your Average Person? Unfortunately for sex workers, that lies in the hands of the non-sex workers. It’s up to the non-sex workers to start viewing us as human beings and not like shadows on a lipstick-stained backdrop. It’s up to the non-sex workers to start making documentaries that expose our everyday lives instead of just the dramatized side of our lives that is our jobs (though in an ideal world, I would prefer those making documentaries to actually be made by sex workers). It’s up to the non-sex workers to ask us questions like “what’s your favorite flavor of ice cream?” instead of “do your parents know you do porn?” By limiting us to our sex work side, we are limited, too, in our ability to speak up and be noticed as individuals.

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  • The sugar mummy fetish

    The sugar mummy fetish

    What is financial domination and why would a man want to be financially dominated by a woman?
    This is one of the many possible reason for this unique fetish.

    A man turns his financial interests over to a woman for no other apparent reason than for her to spend it, humiliate him for doing it and she could in the end “possibly destroy him.”

    There are men that have this fetish, that are caught between needing it and at the same time knowing that it is destroying them, and possibly their family.

    “As a clinical sexologist, intimacy counselor, writer/researcher, the “fetish” of financial domination has intrigued me over the years. Helping my male patients to understand why they do it has lead me on my own path of research. Some of the men that I have helped are married, leaving their families in debt, exposing them to harm or in the end trying to take their own lives.

    What the ideal situation would be for a man with this fetish, because for most it does not go away:

    A woman who controls the man’s funds but has his safety in mind. She knows how much it will cost for him to live, eat, and how he feels she should spend the money, this takes the pressure off of him so he does not have to make any decisions for himself. She is in control so she may sense that there are times where he is slacking and wants to discipline him. She may take a privilege away from him or demand that he should be humiliated in some way that pleases her, which ultimately pleases him. It is at her discretion as to how she will control him through his funds. She may insist that he pay for her to have lavish meals for a week while he only eats foods to keep him healthy but with no taste or flavor. She may have him eat or drink out of a dog bowel or on occasion feed him dog food. She will also understand that in this punishment it will not hurt him or keep him from making money at work, in fact it may inspire him to do better. There is always a trust that she will not permanently hurt or harm him in an unspoken way, but a fear none the less that she may. At times it involves her buying sexy lingerie or expensive shoes, showing him what she has purchased and then telling him that it is for her to go out on a date with another man, humiliating him.

    The problem for most men who want to be financially dominated is seeking out the right person to dominate them, especially if they are married. As this woman would make sure to keep his family out of it or encourage him to leave his family, so as not to hurt them in the end.

    In many ways this man is looking for a form of love or unconditional love, “If I let you take complete control over me, you will take care of me” … there is a deeper psychological component that gets lost in this particular fetish or even to some a life style. A partnership of this nature can only be beneficial to both the woman and the man if there is a relationship that is based on respect, professionalism and responsibly of the woman, to keep him safe yet unsure at all times. It is her duty to take care of her man/pet, understand his nature and control him for her pleasure which becomes his pleasure, and this is usually not a sexual relationship, especially for her.

    In the truest form he becomes her pet, but one that she also grows to rely on (dependence) which ultimately is what I believe is at the core of this fetish or his idea of love. He is beneath her, below her, but he is hers, and her responsibility as well. She controls him and motivates him to do better in his work so she can spend more of his money and the dependence continues to grow.

    In many ways he is wanting a connection like that of a mother to a child, yet he feels he is not deserving of that deep connection so he must pay for it, and not only that his payment is not enough if he is not pleasing her correctly. He may seek punishment or humiliation for his actions (for some of the men that are married they are also seeking punishment for not being a good husband but at the same time resenting that they are married).

    For some men the punishment and humiliation also becomes sexual or is sexually arousing, the fear of what may happen stimulates the fight or flight response, and triggers arousal. In many of the men they need this form of arousal to get excited, aroused enough to get an erection and have an orgasm on their own, not asking of the woman to please them but asking her when he can please himself.

    This may seem a little Freudian, but understandability there is a very basic need for the parent child association, of course with a twist or two!

    “I suppose some men can say that they have had this experience in marriage, but in all jest the driving force behind this fetish is him not feeling worthy of being loved as her equal but as her pet…”

     This article has been republished with permission from Dr. Dawn Michael.

    Image courtesy of Shutterstock
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  • It’s Not You, It’s The Other Straight People: Heteronormativity, Allyship, and Trauma

    It’s Not You, It’s The Other Straight People: Heteronormativity, Allyship, and Trauma

    A lot of people don’t understand why microaggressions wear marginalised folks down a lot. Many people also don’t understand why sometimes, queer personal politics mean that queer folks are constantly wary of allies and others who proclaim that they’re not oppressing you but supporting you instead. (Read: my personal politics are aligned along this vein too.) An incident that just happened to me illustrates the above two points exactly, so I hope people read this.

    A while back, my three friends and I faced a dilemma about our bi-weekly movie night. Should we watch Pan’s Labyrinth, or The Way He Looks instead?

    The only distinction we made between the two movies was this: the latter, The Way He Looks, was a gay film, and the former — Pan’s Labyrinth — was not. Of my three friends, one is gay (friend 3) and two are straight (friends 1 and 2). I consider myself queer on the twin axes of gender and orientation, and hence I strongly supported Friend 3’s request for The Way He Looks — Friend 3 rarely has movies he wants to watch, and I was heartily tired of seeing straight romances on-screen anyway.

    Somehow, someone said: “We can watch Beauty and the Beast after watching The Way He Looks to recover.”

    Usually, I’m privileged enough to forget that I’m in the company of straight friends because my (lack of a) sexuality/sexual orientation is a non-issue, and so is my (queer) romantic orientation. But sometimes, things like this crop up, and the usual plain sailing makes microaggressions, when they occur, all the more painful.

    Friend 3: “Recover? You need to recover?”

    Me: “They need to recover from seeing a relationship that doesn’t closely mirror their own desires on-screen, despite seeing relationships that match what they want everywhere and on-screen all the time.”

    Friend 2: “Not recover. Recover was the wrong word.”

    Me: “Really? Oh, maybe recalibrate then. You need to recalibrate your minds away from the gayness.”

    Friend 1: “No… It’s just a gay movie, with a homosexual relationship…”

    Me: “Gay. It’s a gay relationship. And why are you so uncomfortable with the idea of seeing a gay relationship on-screen when everyone expects those of us who aren’t straight to be ok with watching straight romance in a movie?”

    Friend 2: “Why do I get the feeling that this is going to end with all of us not talking to each other.”

    Me: “I’m just winding up Friend 1 and being mean, don’t worry.”

    Friend 2: “But you’re being mean to me too…”

    Me: “Ok! It’s the OTHER straight people, not you two! Other people!”

    I didn’t think much of our conversation at the time, but it’s startling upon introspection, because it perfectly illustrates heteronormativity, allyship, and the concept of queer trauma.

    ~

    (1) Heteronormativity

    Heteronormativity is when a heterosexual relationship is deemed to be the norm — aka, when everyone is assumed to be straight, and everything around you (media, advertisements, products…) is catered for the straight masses — aka, status quo.

    Heteronormativity leads to the assumption that because straight relationships are the (constructed!) “norm”, everyone should be alright with them. This relegates non-het relationships to the fringe, resulting in things like straight friends (Friends 1 and 2) never considering the possibility that Friend 3 and I could even be, maybe, just a tiny little bit uncomfortable with straight romances and sex scenes on-screen because it’s not an accurate representation of who we are and it’s compounded by how we’re constantly bombarded by these representations with which we have no recognition in real life and on-screen.

    We either never see people like us, or see people like us portrayed negatively or the flat-out villain. And when you sideline our identities and the kinds of relationships we have and deem them “non-mainstream”, what are you telling us? That we’re unworthy of the same screen time or of seeing ourselves reflected back at us because of something pretty intrinsic within us? Thanks, heteronormativity. Thanks very much.

    (2) Allyship

    I’m referring mainly to the last two sentences in this conversation here:

    “You’re being mean to me too…” and my reassuring reply “It’s other straight people.”

    It is not about you. It is not about your feelings. Not when your feelings are the ones considered all the time. Not when you get to see people with similar feelings around you and reflected in art all the time.

    Heteronormativity is something straight people benefit from because they have straight privilege, and my friends didn’t understand it. For them, their understanding of gayness starts and stops at their friends liking people of the same gender rather than a different (binary) gender. I’m not being mean to you when I’m telling you about what your privilege does for you. Being mean would be telling you that you’re scum because you’re privileged.

    Why do I have to constantly reassure straight people (not just these two friends, either) that the kinds of behaviour and thought I dislike belong to OTHER straight people, and that I don’t include them when I say ” straight people, ugh”? They know their own personal politics best, and if they’re decent, they should be sufficiently secure in their own decency and not require the marginalised folks around them to hold their hands and tell them they’re wonderful human beings every single time privilege comes up.

    If you consider yourself to be an ally, stop asking us to prop you up with kind words whenever you do something good. Or when you do something wrong, apologize and move on. You should be using your privilege to prop us up instead.

    (3) Trauma

    I really, really detest the notion that watching a queer relationship on-screen is traumatic for straight people. Unless, of course, they have a huge epiphany about how seeing straight romances literally every-fucking-where is incredibly traumatic for queer folks and shut up about it forever after that.

    But straight people always have to have the last say (see: heteronomativity).

    If you’re privileged enough to have your relationships reflected around you everywhere, viewing one piece of art that bucks the trend isn’t traumatic. This queer trauma belongs to us.

    I’m getting a little tired of repeating this, but sometimes straight people just don’t get it. Why is it important that we have accurate, fair representation for queer people on-screen? Because sometimes media (like songs, movies, TV shows etc) are the only ways in which queerness is accessible for some queer people. It’s important for queer people (especially those just coming into their nascent queer identities) to know that they’re not a singular oddity in their area — there are other people, in other places, who feel similarly and have similar experiences. When you don’t show queer people on-screen, we’re erased.We’re invisible. We don’t exist, and it’s because the people with the money don’t think people like us are worthy of screen time.

    And if you show queer people on-screen and you fall back on the time-honoured tropes of the “slutty bisexual” or the “HIV-positive gay man” or the “man-hating butch lesbian” or the “transgender sex worker”… If I had to count on fingers and toes the number of times that I’ve seen an L/G/B/T character being the punch line of a joke (thankfully, not the literal PUNCH line), I could round up all the people I know to borrow their digits and I still wouldn’t have enough. Do you have no creativity or decency at all, or are you just hell-bent on telling folks that being cishet is the only way to go? That’s incredibly detrimental, especially for closeted young queer youth who don’t have many sources of information. I remember thinking that I would be expected to grow up and fall in love with a man and turn feminine, because the storylines of TV dramas I watched as a child that featured tomboys or women who weren’t stereotypically feminine had them all follow the same trajectory. I was expected to grow up and fall in love with a man and be feminine — but what TV told me was that it was the only way. I had to figure out on my own that discarding this narrative was a viable path to take, too. (That took a long time and a lot more introspection, but that’s not the point of what I’m saying now.)

    ~

    There is very real trauma caused by erasure. There is very real trauma caused by misrepresentation. There is very real trauma caused by the unintended incidents where people reinforce that we’re not the norm. And this trauma? It’s caused by heteronormativity. It’s caused by people misunderstanding allyship and perpetuating microaggressions instead of actual allyship. And this trauma is queer — it belongs to queer people and is actively done to queer folks, so please leave your privileged selves out of it and be glad you don’t know what the fuck we’re talking about.

    For the original article please see https://medium.com/@in__flux/it-s-not-you-it-s-the-other-straight-people-heteronormativity-allyship-and-trauma-ef60de58d394

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  • A Kiss Isn’t Just a Kiss

    A Kiss Isn’t Just a Kiss

    “The most eloquent silence; that of two mouths meeting in a kiss.” – Anonymous

    Although kissing is often one of the first intimate behaviors performed in a relationship (commonly referred to as “first base”) and may seem to be a rather simplistic behavior, research suggests that kissing is of great importance when sizing up potential romantic partners and serves many functions. In fact, kissing appears to act as an important gauge when selecting a mate and can either enhance or diminish feelings of attraction to others. A study conducted by Hughes and colleagues (2007), 59% of men and 66% of women reported that “they were no longer interested in someone after kissing them for the first time.”

    These results suggest that kissing plays a huge role in mate selection for both men and women, however this is particularly true for women. This gender difference in consistent with other research suggesting that women report finding kissing more important than men do  (Wlodarski & Dubar, 2013). Interestingly, this study also found that men and women who rate themselves as highly attractive and with more casual/short-term relationships, rated kissing as more important than those who rated themselves as less attractive and with less casual relationship experience.

    So, now that we know kissing serves as an important metric when sizing up a potential mate, what can we do to be better kissers? What variables are important to others when kissing (especially for the first time)? In a study examining kissing preferences among young adults (Hughes et al., 2007), a person’s breath and the taste of his or her mouth were the most important factors related to the quality of a kiss. The “wetness” of a kiss was also found to relate to the quality of a kiss, however differently for men and women. In particular, men reported liking “wetter” kisses to a greater extent than did women.

    Although kissing cannot predict with 100% certainty how attractive someone finds you, it does play a role when sizing up partners. So, next time you are preparing for a first date, make sure to avoid drinking/eating anything that could result in an “untasty” mouth.

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  • Lesbian Funeral Gone Viral

    Lesbian Funeral Gone Viral

    The cancellation of a lesbian funeral in Denver, Colorado, in Jan 2015 has gone viral over Facebook and the web in general. This raises interesting views over LGBT ‘choice’ and religion, a hotly contested topic. The debate is often centered around homosexuality being a choice and a lifestyle supported by big-name celebrities like Lady Gaga and Cory Monteith (RIP). The debate is further complicated by association with a dominant LGBT agenda, gay marriage. This particular newsbyte is a nexus of the above issues.

    It may be argued that many countries protect the rights of individuals to exercise free choice. It is said that just as many of our LGBT brethren live in a world where their ‘choice’ is supported, the choice of other people like Pastors Gary Rolando and Ray Chavez not to service LGBT families because of their religious beliefs should also be respected. To illustrate the context of this article, some followers of some religions, including Christianity, interpret religious teachings to say that homosexuality is unnatural or violates those teachings in some way. This has presumably caused Pastor Rolando to reach his view.

    It is not the intention of this post to enter into the LGBT ‘choice’ vs ‘nature’ debate. That debate has gone on for many years with proponents on both sides and is too lengthy to fairly deal with here. I, personally take the stand that LGBT is entirely natural. Of course, I am a Western educated, LGBT lawyer with my own preconceptions. My reflections below should be taken in that context.

    Free choice is a funny thing. It is a double-edged sword in which it can be empowering and yet dis-empowering at the same time. It can empower LGBT rights activists to fight for the choice to love and marry. It can simultaneously take away the rights of our LGBT brethren by saying, well no, your sexuality is a ‘choice’ therefore you have to bear the consequences of that ‘choice’, namely abuse and rejection by your family, friends and even third parties at your own funeral. What happens if your ‘choice’ to be LGBT clashes with a fundamental cornerstone of society, religion, who for many involves a ‘choice’ to subscribe, as is the case here? With respect to this article, I would say if you truly respect a person’s free ‘choice’, you do not impose or impact on someone’s basic right to have a simple funeral. The Pastors were not asked to approve the LGBT couple’s choice to marry or have children. The Pastors were also not asked to make a theological stand whether LGBT ‘lifestyles’ should be recognised. The Pastors were asked to preside over a ceremony to celebrate a life unfortunately cut short. The family was grieving here over the loss of a wife and a mother. I would say that LGBT debates aside, there are fundamental rights of respect, decency and sanctity associated with the death of a human being that are cherished by most societies. This was denied to Ms Vanessa Collier.

    You could also suggest that Pastors are held to a particular higher standard in the community. They are respected as spiritual leaders whom the community looks to for guidance in yes, spiritual and theological matters relevant to their respective religions, but also in fundamental rights of respect, love, decency and sanctity. Even if a Pastor disagreed with a particular ‘choice’, he/she would be more respected if he/she was seen to uphold these fundamental rights, despite his/her own personal views.

    But, no, the Church here did not refuse the funeral completely, at least initially. They only requested that the video of the deceased and her wife kissing be removed. That’s reasonable, right?

    In my view, this is splitting hairs. How can a funeral be conducted without a memorial of a person’s life, however they ‘chose’ to live it? This seems to be a case of imposing one ‘choice’ over another ‘choice’, over a circumstance where both sides should bring their defences down temporarily in furtherance of higher purposes of love, respect, decency and sanctity.

    Thoughts?

    xoxo

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  • Understanding the hidden male emotion

    Understanding the hidden male emotion

    It all comes down to Biology.

    Our brains have two emotional systems that work simultaneously; males seem to use one system more and females seem to use the other system more. As men reach puberty, their emotional empathy is not the same as a woman’s and that boundary is there to prevent men from being influenced by others. Whereas women take into account what others think of them, men do so less, and this makes men seem less empathetic.

    Men have had to, for the purpose of survival, do what they think is best and act on it without waiting for others approval. Women’s survival at a primitave level depends on others as a group process, and therefore they developed more empathy towards each other. As men and women age, the gap of this emotional thinking seems to change in many ways. While men, as they age, become more aware of others emotions, women become less dependent on the approval of others, especially after children are no longer young and dependent on them. As men age, they begin to want the emotional intimacy of their wives, but are not used to expressing it in words or emotions on their face.

    Developing healthy communication with your spouse is one way to bridge the gap between the two of you. Understanding that just because a person does not always respond the same way emotionally as you do, that does not mean that they don’t feel it. For a woman, learning to ask more direct questions to her husband about what she may need or want will help him get the job done without having to try and figure out the meaning behind the question. Men get confused and frustrated with women because women are sometimes not direct and think that a man should know what they want. The truth is that unless women tell most men what you want, their brains are not wired to pick up on those subtle ques like a girlfriend or sister may sense. Listening to men having conversations with each other can give women a clue as to how direct they are with one another; when they want something, they don’t beat around the bush.

    The same is true about a woman; she is not wired to be as direct biologically or socially, so if she is trying to tell you something and you are getting frustrated, repeat what she said back to you. For example,”You are telling me that you are tired at night and when you wake up in the morning and the kitchen is not clean, it stresses you out?” It will let her know that you heard what she said and also give you time to ask a more direct question. “Do you want me to take out the trash, sweep the kitchen or put dishes away? What do you want me to do?” Be direct so that she does not have to and can just answer your question.

    Both men and women can use the communication techniques of asking the question back. It is one way to pay attention, let the person know that you heard them, and it gives some time to defuse a potential negative comeback.

    This article has been republished with permission from Dr. Dawn Michael.

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  • Sexy Getaways For Two Or More

    Sexy Getaways For Two Or More

    So you are thinking of a sexy getaway with your significant other, or maybe a group of swinger friends are wanting to hang out together and “play”. Well let me give you a quickie overview of some of your options.

    Hotel: Grab a room (or five or a whole floor) in a local hotel. If there are a few of you, they may give you a better than normal rate. Bring some candles (tea lights travel well), lighter, some wine, music, and sexy clothes or lingerie to wear. If possible get two of the rooms to be adjoining ones, that way you can have everyone together in those rooms to make it the “party suite”.

    Regular Resort: On your own, this can be a hit and miss option. My suggestion would be to at least pick an adults only resort. That way you do not have a bunch of screaming kids running all over, this is supposed to be a getaway for the two of you isn’t it? If you have a group of friends joining you, I would still suggest an adults only resort at the minimum. Make sure when booking that you get a block of rooms together. That way you spend less time running from room to room.

    Lifestyle Resort or Cruise Ship Takeover: There are more of these to choose from than ever before. It used to be that you had to go to Hedonism II in Jamaica to be able to hang out on the beach with like-minded people. Now you can also go to Mexico, Dominican, along with other various resort takeovers and also cruise ship traveling to multiple locations. Resorts which cater to swingers have the advantage that you can just kick back and watch others partake in the sexual fun (bringing out the voyeur in you), jump into the action yourself in a group area (let go the exhibitionist), or meet up with another couple and head to the privacy of your own room. The choice is yours.

    Lifestyle Convention: These conventions take place all around the world, but mainly in the US. At a “Swingers” convention there will be activities designed for you to be able to meet others, hopefully with similar interests. There are designated “play rooms” where all the “action” takes place. There are also regular social activities available, so if you are not sure that you want to take things to the next level you don’t have to worry about being pressured into doing something you are not comfortable doing.

    Obviously, this just touches the surface of the different options available to you. If you want more information read about the different resorts and group trips at http://www.TrystTravel.com, where we specialize in Erotic vacations for Adults. Till then, enjoy your vacation 🙂

    ~ Sandi
    www.SandiOnSwinging.com
    www.TrystTravel.com

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  • The Gay Asian DJs

    The Gay Asian DJs

    When you are dancing your heart out in the club, how aware are you of the DJ up there? I find myself saying “Oh, I like this DJ” or “I don’t like this DJ”. Who are these people behind the music? Does local DJs have what it takes to hold a global audience when masked behind a westernized beat? In the upcoming SongKran9 circuit party, we have three DJs who are all more than well qualified to be opening DJs: DJ Louis T from Malaysia for Wicked party, DJ Head from Hong Kong for Neon party and DJ Spectrum K from Thailand for Pharaoh party. SimplySxy takes the time out to get to know them better.

    SimplySxy: When did you start DJing—and what or who were your early passions and influences?

    DJ Louis T: I think probably 10 years ago and during that time, my influences were Danny Tenaglia, Peter Rauhofer, Victor Calderone and DJ Paulo too. I was in love with progressive house and tribal music. The tribal sound back in those days was different than current one.
    DJ Head: I started DJing 6 years ago, and I attribute my early motivation to a dear friend and mentor, Mr. Tony Moran.
    DJ Spectrum K: I love music at a very young age and have collected a lot of CDs. From CDs and music, I learn to speak English.

    SimplySxy: What do you personally consider to be the incisive moments in your artistic career? 

    DJ Louis T: There are a few moments. The first of cause is the moment when I saw how my music brought joy to people, that always makes me smile. I will start to take pictures and videos to capture those moments. Secondly, whenever I am hired for a big party or gigs like Mardigras 2012 in Sydney Australia and even my first SongKran party in Bangkok. During these parties when I see people enjoying themselves, it makes me jump up and down with them as well.
    DJ Head: The publication of my first compilation by NERVOUS RECORDS.
    DJ Spectrum K: In every (artistic) process there is an incisive moment. When you get the feeling that everything seems to make sense that is an incisive moment. Like when I look forward to go to work, feeling happy about my work and seeing a happy audience. It reminds me that my career in the music business is the right one.

    SimplySxy: What are the main challenges as a DJ and producing your own music?

    DJ Louis T: My main challenge is to manage my time between DJing, making music and my day job. I often exhausted flying around, come back and start work the next day. But when I am on my deck doing my stuff, everything else stop. I am totally focused and push all other worries aside. The music energizes me and I am not tired. I just want to play good music to the crowd. Plus the crowds keep me going the whole night.
    DJ Head: My main challenge is to maintain a good balance of giving the crowd what they want and what I would like them to hear.  Producing music is like cooking a meal, no matter how good your food is, your ultimate satisfaction comes from sharing.
    DJ Spectrum K: My main challenges as a DJ is to know how to please my audience without changing my style. I would like to produce my own music if I find the time and the right moment. At this point, I am just happy to see my happy audience dancing with me rather than lock myself alone and do music.

    SimplySxy: Do you believe in the possibility of “reading an audience”—and how do you put it into practice? Is the relationship with the GoGo dancers a collaborative one or a battle? 

    DJ Louis T: It is important to read the audience and play what makes them happy but it is also important to make sure you stay within your style and to play a set that you yourself enjoy. I always believe if I myself do not enjoy the music, then the set sucks. With the GoGo dancers, we need to have connection and communication. It is important too to play the right sexy beat so they can do their best to make the night great. It is never a battle, it is a collaboration. Usually we talked about this before the night, and I am a friend to most of them. I love them.
    DJ Head: Reading the audience is necessary, which is why you want a live set.  As for GoGo dancers, it really depends on the production. I work with organizers to make sure that the performances would enhance the set but if say, the timing, frequency or lighting etc. is off then it could be distracting to say the least.
    DJ Spectrum K: All this should come naturally when you are in the club, you can see people how they react. The main focus is the body language whether people are happy, dancing and enjoying. All this will show on their face. As for GoGo boys, it is mostly collaborative but sometimes, a GoGo show changes its mood when they want to perform other types of music or the show is running too long. That makes the audience lose their rhythm and the DJ has to restart the uplifting mood again, unless the GoGo dancers are the professional ones who are able to dance hand in hand with the DJ music style.

    SimplySxy: How much, do you feel, is the club experience shaped by cultural differences? Do you, when travelling, take these cultural differences into consideration when DJing?

    DJ Louis T: There will be cultural differences in different countries of course. I often find the Asians love their vocals and tribal, not much After Hour. In the West, lesser vocals, more After Hour, stronger tribal and they love to be teased (in music form). Traveling helps me to experiment new styles that fit these cultures but I often try to stick back to my style as much as possible.
    DJ Head: Cultural differences are not as big as one may think in this subject, although I do get inspired by different cultures in different cities and also at different times.
    DJ Spectrum K: When I get asked by friends “Where are you travelling next?” and I may say Seoul, or Guangzhou “China” (to name a couple). Their replies are always “Wow, do they have a scene?” or “Do they have clubs?” or “How do they know about dance music?”, or the best one is “Do they dance differently?” It’s funny because people learn and change. At first, Guangzhou’s side seems quiet and people don’t know how to dance but eventually, they learn and start to appreciate the music. With the social media, no city is left far behind for long. You can always find people who know how to party and appreciate good music in each city. So yeah, culturally speaking, festivals and clubs worldwide are slightly different. Some are more vocal than the others (yelling, screaming, enthusiasm) or they might allow smoking or not, or drinking or not, or age limits on entry. But this is everywhere, and I don’t see it so much as a cultural thing. Living and working in Bangkok allows me to try different things and being able to stay in touch with social media lets me get the latest music information. Due to the social media, almost everywhere is the same. Everyone knows each other so there is no great difference where you spin or work with different crowds.

    SimplySxy: How or what do you feel is the difference between DJs from Europe and USA as compared to Asian DJs or yourself. What edge do you feel that Asian DJs might have? 

    DJ Louis T: In my opinion, Asian DJs are very adaptable to different genres of music. Europe and USA DJs are very loyal to their roots and style. Asian DJs are also experimental.
    DJ Head: The circuit scene is dominated by music from USA and Europe so an Asian DJ does not really have so much an edge other than his fan base.
    DJ Spectrum K: Most Europe and USA DJs are well appreciated and respected compared to Asian DJ or maybe Thai DJ. I guess it’s the branding and how they market themselves. Most people will think that since the DJ is from overseas, he/she has got to be famous or popular. It is sad that Asian people don’t really support their own local DJs. Although I might not as popular as other European, American DJs, I do have fans who do appreciate me and I do consider myself blessed.

    SimplySxy: Since this article is for Simplysxy, what is your definition of Sexy?

    DJ Louis T: On people? Charisma, communication and talent. On music? A Sexy bass line.
    DJ Head: Profundity is sexy as I believe the art of seduction lies in enticing the object to further exploration.
    DJ Spectrum K: Everyone has a different definition of sexy but my sexy is all about good attitude and letting yourself go and have fun, stop being uptight, let your hair down, be humble and be nice. Leave the attitude behind when you are in the dance floor and that is what I called “sexy”.

    Check out our next Songkran9 article on the 10 Things you need to get ready for the Songkran9 Pool Party!

    https://soundcloud.com/dj-louist

    https://soundcloud.com/dj-spectrum-k

    Image courtesy of gCircuit
    Have an amazing experience or tips you like to share on SimplySxy?  Drop us an email at editorial@SimplySxy.com!

  • It’s all about the Bass

    It’s all about the Bass

    It’s all about the bass when it comes to a party. The right mix of booty shaking Go-Go boys and rad beat from the DJ. Music can make or break a party. You know a club is bad when no amount of alcohol can drown the beat away. A DJ should be able to hold his own—having his own style, passion and even cult following. In the upcoming SongKran9 circuit party, four major international DJs will grace the stage to bring the house down.

    Opening the night at SongKran9’s Wicked party is DJ Alain Jackinsky. He is known for his love of House music. He started DJing when he was a teenager for dance parties in high school mainly for his own personal pleasure. As a teenager, he would listen to mainstream dance music as he was lived far from a big city. However, when he turned sixteen, he discovered house music through New York City and very quickly fell in love with this style of music. Alain loves playing a club remix version of a song he personally enjoys listening to in his everyday life like those by Coldplay or London Grammar. He feels that the big challenge for a DJ is to find “the right mix” to play. This is also coupled with the stress of performance, long hours of traveling and instability of living out of a suitcase. DJing is not a constant vacation as some may seem. It is countless hours of work and the brain never really shuts off. Music becomes your life because even at the end, the music never leaves you. It will always stay with you. In a way, that is how Alain find some kind of stability in his life.

    For the main party, Neon, DJ Bent Collective will be DJing. The collective comprises DJ Steven Redant and DJ Danny Verde. Many years ago even before Danny became a DJ, Steven heard a track Danny made and loved it. It had something fresh, something poppy, and something like he has never heard before. Steven got in touch Danny and they started talking about music and their backgrounds and passion. Danny was very interested in DJing and Steven was extremely keen on producing. They have always stayed in touch but it was only when they found themselves in the same management company that they decided to create something together like the famous Avicii vs Nicky Romero remix entitled I Could be the One; a remix that will eventually launch Bent Collective into stellar heights. For Bent Collective, it is not just about DJing but also playing live music at the same time. One can expect to see live keyboards, samplers and drums and other instruments. Playing live gives Steven and Danny more liberty to goof around … and you can sure count on Brent Collective to be goofing around.

    Closing the three day event is DJ Alex Acosta at Pharaoh. Alex stumbled upon DJing around the beginning of 1995 in a club with over two thousand people. He was a cook at the club and the resident DJ did not show up that night. His friends had told the manager that Alex was a DJ, which was far from the truth. While Alex loved music and had his own rock band, he was not a DJ. The management asked him to bring his CDs and he ended up playing from 10pm to 3am. The night went so well that the management offered Alex a residency at the club. Alex attributes his influences to his dad who was a musician. At home, they would always listen to good music, from rock to Cuban music such as Bola de Nieve and Celia Cruz. Alex feels that while every place is unique and different , all of us basically listen to almost the same music in the likes of Beyoncé, Madonna, and Kylie—just to name a few—at the end of the day. However, what makes the difference in a DJ’s music is its production.

    Being able to create a great mix and reading the crowd is an essential skill that a DJ must have and all of these four DJs have mastered that skill. Going a bit harder, or darker, or lighter and adding vocals to give a mix the edge. It’s all about incorporating their own true style without forgetting the crowd. It’s all about the bass and perhaps that little bit of treble.



    Image courtesy of gCircuit
    Have an amazing experience or tips you like to share on SimplySxy?  Drop us an email at editorial@SimplySxy.com!

  • 6 ways to Connect Intimately in a Long Distance Relationship

    6 ways to Connect Intimately in a Long Distance Relationship

    Long distance relationships have been difficult for many couples, especially when it comes to being intimate with one another.

    With the invention of Facetime, Skype, and other ways to interact visually it has helped many couples communicate face to face but it still leaves the body without being touched.

    The loss of intimacy that happens when in a long distance relationship, can be difficult. One way to help couples stay connected and enjoy sexual pleasure is to find a way for both of them to interact with one another without the other person having to be physically present. The idea is for each person to be sexually stimulated by their partner without their partner touching them. This is now a possible in a world where technology is being utilized by people in all areas of life.

    In 2012 Chen, a 27-year-old marketing major from Taiwan, came up with a novel idea to experience intimacy long distance. He invented LovePalz, a gender-appropriate sex toy that conveniently works with an iPhone or other mobile device.

    Chen describes it as a “Wi-Fi-connected love machine that lets both the top and the bottom stimulate some sexy time.”

    The two gadgets—Hera, which is designed for women; and Zeus, more for males—produce sensation and motion “in real time” via an Internet connection, according to the LovePalz website.

    “When I was studying abroad, my girlfriend and I were apart and had a long-distance relationship, sex wasn’t something we could achieve,” he told ABCNews.com. “So I thought, why can’t we have something that can help us spike up our relationship when we are not around each other?”

    Since then the sex toy industry has caught on and invented many new toys with apps such as We-Vibe® 4 Plus where couples can connect in new and exciting ways. Her partner through the phone app, can tease her, and play with her until he is ready to watch her orgasm with the push of a button.

    One of the newer sex toys on the market that can be fun at any time is the OhMiBod vibrator, place it in her panties or his briefs and let the games begin … This Bluetooth enabled, wearable massage is discrete and can be worn at any time, making a playful moment between the couple a welcome surprise. The idea is to keep your partner guessing as to when you will be sending them a love vibration. This is one fun way to stay mentally and physically connected when not in each others company.

    The Idea is to:

    CONNECT over long distances to control your partner’s vibration from anywhere!

    ENJOY five different control modes while connected to your iOS or Android device

    FEEL an insane array of vibration patterns

    EXPERIENCE your partner’s vibe with an iconic blue heart that blinks and throbs in real-time to sync with the vibrations they are feeling

    CONTROL the intensity of the vibration patterns within each functional mode simply by adjusting the volume on your device

    INTENSIFY the experience with in-app sexting while you play

    This article has been republished with permission from Dr. Dawn Michael.

    Image courtesy of Shutterstock
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