Tag: BDSM

5 Things that make me Horny and my Panties Wet

The idea of panty selling came up for the first time as a joke, something I didn’t know much about and never thought I had the skill or tact to pull it off. I’m a struggling college student just like many, and because I live on a budget, I can only afford so many luxuries for myself. When thinking of a way to make more money, I jokingly thought “What about selling my used panties?” After doing some research on the subject and reading various articles from experienced panty sellers, I realized how viable of an option panty selling really was and I was very excited by the prospect of becoming a part of the fetish community while making a little bit of money to help support myself on the side.

I have always had an active sex drive, so becoming a panty seller has been more than just a money maker for me, it has been a fun way to satisfy other people’s fetishes while discovering my own. That’s why, just for the fun of my fans and community members, I’m going to share five things that turn me on, and wet the panties you all love so much!

Number one on my list is fantasy hentai. Having played video games and read manga since I was a child, I grew up with all sorts of fantasies about elves, ninjas, and dragons. When I became an adult, you can imagine how all those fantasies took a sexual turn! Whether it is on my own free time or for a buyer, I love to masturbate to fantasy hentai and imagine myself as the little elf girl being violated by the gnarly orc!

The second turn on in my list is female dominated BDSM. I’m a bit of a dominatrix myself, and I love a guy who is sweet and submissive so that I can be sexually dominant. Things like bondage, cuffing, and gagging excite my imagination and get my panties wet without me even having to touch myself! Currently I have a favorite pet who is very sweet and kind to me, he collects my panties and listens to whatever I tell him! I’m kind to him as well and I even gave him a leather collar as a gift, so I consider myself a generous master.

My third turn on is gangbang porn. I know, pretty lewd right? It’s a guilty pleasure of mine, and I enjoy it so much probably because it’s a foreign experience to me! I’ve never been in a gangbang and I always like to imagine what it’s like when I watch it, as it’s a huge turn on for me. So if you’re ever buying panties from me and you want me to masturbate in them for you, feel free to recommend some good gangbang porn, whether it’s real life or hentai!

My fourth turn on is silk and lace! I’m sure most girls like silk and lace, but to have it in my lingerie and nightwear makes me feel so amazing that I actually get aroused! I’ve received satin and silk nightwear from my pets, and I’m always so grateful and do lots of custom pics to show how much I love it. Receiving silky and lacey lingerie is such an experience for me, and if you ever send me something like that as a gift I can guarantee that I will be masturbating in it for fun soon after!

The fifth and final turn on for this list is an eloquent guy! Someone who can express their wants and desires in a creative and powerful way is very attractive to me, and I can’t help but get all hot and bothered when a guy like that describes his fetishes! I once had a buyer who, during the course of our transaction, wrote me long emails describing what he wanted and complimenting me in such articulate ways that it made me blush reading them. I can’t help but swoon over someone who has such a way with words!

I hope this list of strong turn ons for me was a good read for my current fans, and may even inspire more of you to take an interest in sharing you fetishes with me! You can check out my Panty Trust membership page at www.pantytrust.com/Kitten-Alice to see my ads and services, or follow me on twitter at @Alice_Panties to see what sexy pictures I’m posting today! I love selling my used lingerie, so contact me at kittenalice@hotmail.com and we can both have fun over my dirty panties!

Images courtesy of Kitten Alice
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May 26, 2015
What do you do when you’re 23 years old and want to try BDSM?

You come and see me!

Last night I saw a young guy, just 23 years old who wanted to try BDSM. He wanted to try a fantasy and had been too scarred to tell his partners what he wanted. The fear of being mocked or judged for having these fantasies was, I think, one of the reasons he came to see me. The other of course is that he knew from my website that he would be safe, that he wouldn’t catch anything and that I wouldn’t hurt him in anyway.

I know how he feels, in fact I did the same thing 20 years ago when I wanted to try out this Bondage, Discipline, Sado-Masochistic (slave / Master could also be substituted here). A safe environment is so important to being able to relax and then enjoy a session of this sort.

Just like the main character in 50 Shades of Grey, the torment that goes through a submissive’s head prior to a session can be anything from amazingly intoxicating to excruciating nervousness. I could tell this boy was terrified when he arrived, his eyes showed a mix of rampant sexual energy as well as complete terror.

His fantasy was around being verbally humiliated and sexually dominated. Having a fantasy around being verbally humiliated is something that is hard to come to terms with. Verbal sexual/erotic humiliation, putting someone down or shaming them is a challenge for me. However, I understand when someone comes to me with this fantasy, I need to hold space for them and allow them to explore this. I also have found that in this humiliation there is often a deepness that triggers the person to actually heal themselves from shame, fear or guilt that they may be harbouring.

So when someone does come to see me with a desire for erotic humiliation, I am glad that I can assist. My hope is that their session gives his/her the feelings and sensations that they are craving in a safe, sane and supported environment.

Definition of Erotic Humiliation from Wikipedia:

“Erotic humiliation is the consensual use of psychological humiliation in a sexual context. Whereby one person gains arousal or erotic excitement from the powerful emotions of being humiliated and demeaned, or of humiliating another; it is often, but not always, accompanied by sexual stimulation of one or both partners in the activity. The humiliation need not be sexual in nature; as with many other sexual activities, it is the feelings derived from it that are sought, regardless of the nature of the actual activity. This is usually a feeling of Submission for the person being humiliated, and Dominance, for the person doing the humiliation. It can be verbal or physical, or in private or public. Often it can become ritualized, and unlike some sexual variations it can also be easily carried out over a long distance (as online). Humiliation is an example of the power dynamic that exists in a D/s or M/s relationship. E.g. In an activity such as spanking, the sought effect is primarily the humiliation; the activity is just a means to that end.”

If you’d like to explore erotic humiliation or BDSM, feel free to contact me via my website: aaronjking.com

This article has been republished with permission from Aaron King.

Please visit Aaron’s website to view the original post and more of Aaron’s works.

Featured image courtesy of Shutterstock
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May 24, 2015
BDSM, the Chinese way

If you think you have seen it all when it comes to unusual erotica, one blog I just discovered could make you reconsider. Chinakunbang, subtitled ‘Chinese jail and bondage culture’ sure is different – at least to our western eyes. Born at the online intersection between historical heritage and uncomprehending emulation, this simple website is the window front of a virtual store selling BDSM erotica… as seen from China, where sexuality remains mostly an unspoken, mysterious topic.

In accordance to local laws the daily sample pictures are strictly non-pornographic. They somehow remind of the fetish pictures from ‘50s America, when Bettie Page and her colleagues were very careful not to show too much skin and the titillation was in the little details of their costumes or expressions. They also betray very low production values: the dresses are shoddy and occasionally ill-fitting, lighting and composition are unheard of, the backgrounds remind of dirt-cheap school plays and the outdoor shots smell of clandestine, hit-and-run sessions. The subjects, however, are a mesmerizing bizarro-version of every kinky website you’ve ever seen.

Western BDSM, you see, is the conflation of countless erotic iconographies through the centuries. There are elements of Christian martyrdom, of the writings of de Sade, of medieval punishments, the Inquisition, Nazi atrocities, high literature and pulp, popular movies, fashion, illustration, comics and classic art, porn, theatre, technology, music and much more – all ground up and processed through the interplay of many local cultures from liberal northern Europe to repressed south, from the Puritanical United States to the non-moralism of Japan. What we masturbate to on sites like Kink.com or House of Gord is the distillation of the strongest archetypes from all of these sources, mixed together in a constantly evolving blend.

Most Chinese, however, never encountered any of this. The refined sexual culture of ancient Chinese nobility was based on an archaic conception of the female role and on a generally pre-technological view of the world. The Cultural Revolution destroyed all of it anyway and relegated sex to a purely reproductive purpose. Even recent generations grew up in a culturally insular country with little or no access to western erotica. Sexual education is lacking, and the “Internet great wall” of State censorship sure doesn’t allow the kind of easy access to porn we are all accustomed to.

In this context the idea of erotic power play naturally took a very different form from western BDSM. Browsing the blog you will notice in example that “bondage” is in fact just a couple of standard military punishment ties, with none of the fancy rope work of Japanese kinbaku, nor of American-style restraints. Incidentally, Chinese ties tend to be very dangerous as they often constrict vulnerable points including the neck.

Talking about other practices, it is shocking to see that while Westerners have a vast vocabulary of sensual pain games, China takes the concept of “torture” very literally, replicating horrors like the infamous tiger bench and even mock executions like they were fashionable turn-ons. With badly applied lipstick “beatings” marks, but no less chilling for that.

The other aspect I found amazing is also the most evident. Beside the many general, bland “fetish” shoots, three scenarios keep popping up again and again: military and Red Guard abuse of common people, contemporary police interrogations and imprisonments, and historical Imperial-age reenactments. While the photos are clearly staged and the actresses have an amusing habit of maintaining a very professional-looking “no inappropriate touching” attitude, you won’t find much consensual exploration depicted. In this country (and under their laws) doing kink for mutual pleasure is clearly not conceivable. Conversely, abuse of power and the thrashing of human rights are considered normal.

The helpful tags above every photo are equally fascinating. Probably to differentiate the site from illegal pornography they are very keen of pointing out that all the pictures are ‘cosplay’ or ‘recreeations’, but sometimes they manage to turn a banal photo into a nightmare. The bored girl in the picture above, in example, is explained to be just another victim of a common wartime mode of execution where people was simply left half-buried to die. Thanks for the note, buddy.

I don’t think Chinakunbang will ever become my fap shop of choice, but as a cultural phenomenon, I find it incredibly interesting. Who knows what they think of ayzad.com in Beijing…

This article has been republished with permission from Ayzad

Please visit Ayzad’s website to view the original post and more of Ayzad’s works.

Photocredit: Chinakunbang.com
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May 22, 2015
What you need to know about Shibari

The following interview is republished courtesy of Mosafir, Shibari rope bondage specialist from Russia.

What Shibari means to you personally?

For me, Shibari — is communication between two adults. It is about tenderness and pain, about trust and passion, about sexuality and identity. Also Shibari — is about beauty, the beauty of a woman, the beauty of self-denial.

How did you become interested in this?

Firstly I have been attracted by the beauty, aesthetics, and sexuality of shibari. I saw a few pictures on Internet and interested in it. Later, having learned how to tie, I discovered other sides of shibari, and it fascinated me even more. Shibari is multifaceted. It’s like the ocean: the deeper you sink into it, the more mysterious depths open to you.

Who can be a model?

Shibari model – is slightly generalized notion. If we consider Shibari as erotic game, then the model can be anyone who wants to diversify his sexual life. If this tie is for the photo, then the model is also can be any person. If shibari is for the show, then the person must have some endurance and desire to be in spotlight. This is only sides of shibari. If person have a deep interest in the practice, then the model should be a masochist. Without it, nothing happens. The desire to be tied up must come from deep inner virtue of person. Good when everything mixed in one person. It happens rarely, but I was lucky to meet such person a number of times.

What is necessary for rigger?

Shibari — a sadomasochistic practice with a high degree of visual component. Therefore, a good shibari master – is first of all a man which is not indifferent, but active, hardworking and loving sex. Well, he is also must have a little bit of sadism. We must remember that Shibari is one of the most dangerous SM practices. Therefore rigger should be responsible, hardworking and inquisitive. And one more – you need to love what you do.

What the difference between Shibari and bondage?

Well, first of all Shibari is the bondage. This is Japanese rope bondage. My choice is Japanese style and technique of tying. I started to work in this style and staying in it. If we talk about the difference between European-style rope bondage and Japanese style, it is a very difficult question. You can try to find external visual differences but it will be subjective. Observer will evaluate all subjective. Shibari is within a couple, in their minds and souls. The difference can be shown in process of tying, in aims. I can say that the European rope bondage is tying for any further action, I mean it’s fixation in order to do something with fixed person.

Shibari is a self-contained process. It can last 30 minutes, one hour or two …tying — self-sufficient. This is of course roughly definition because everything is ambiguous.

What is community of Shibari lovers?

Shibari is a unique phenomenon. As SM practice and part of BDSM, Shibari at the same time has a very strong visual component. It made simple rope bondage become a phenomenon, conquered all continents and came to Russia. Just because of aesthetics, we have that «visually intricate patterns» of what Wikipedia write. It is allow making public events showing shibari-actions. It has led to an understanding of the need to meet and exchange experiences. It makes possibility to show shibari and keep up the interest in audience.

If you remember that shibari is dangerous practice and you need to learn how to tie, need to use experience of experienced riggers then it becomes clear why we need to make communities of riggers.

Is it possible to take part of such events? Where and what format it is?

Such communities are not common, but you can find it in the big cities of most European countries, certainly in Japan and now in Russia. For example, here in St. Petersburg, we have shibari club «Yugen» which exist more than 5 years. The club meets once a month. This is a party where you can do bondage, be a model, watch and chat. It’s not difficult to take part of it: you just need to join the Club (This is a group in VK-Russian social network) and answer a few questions from administrators. Also we have parties and festivals of Shibari where you can meet and talk with like-minded people. In St. Petersburg for three times was hold international shibari festival RopeFest. We must remember that Shibari is a sexual practice that is available only to adult. It’s also concern of events.

Where we can see live performances of Shibari?

Shibari is no longer an exotic now. In Moscow and St. Petersburg we have big festivals in which shibari masters come from Japan, Europe and other countries and cities of Russia. Almost any BDSM party has riggers, and if there is a show program then there for sure will be bondage. At one time it was fashionable to do shibari show at parties, even far from the BDSM.

What are your favorite masters?

The list is long. I will mention only some names In Japan: Akira Naka, Nawashi Monko, Hajime Kinoko. In Europe: Bruce Esinem, Stefano Laforgia, Riccardo Wildties. In Russia, I really like what makes Kalahari. In general, we live in a time when shibari progress is very fast. Constantly appears very interesting and original riggers. Very pleased that the Russian masters of the rope are in the epicenter of this process now.

Some photos from some of my performances in 2014 n

Find out more about Mosafir from his website at http://www.mosafir.ru

Images courtesy of Mosafir

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April 15, 2015
Why spank your wife?

Hi, DH here! This is post is a long-overdue follow-up to my how to spank your wife post.

I think the hardest part of our dynamic for me has been really understanding that Julia isn’t just acting submissive, she is submissive. She really does need my loving guidance and leadership in our marriage. And that is really the key: it’s within the context of our marriage. She could handle her life just fine without me.

And yet, she submits to me as her HoH. I have the final say on all family decisions. Although she handles paying the bills, major financial decisions are mine. I set the rules for her, and I expect them to be followed. It’s that we agree on this arrangement that makes this thing we do work for us.

I’ve become fascinated by ttwd, and the effect it’s had on my marriage with Julia, and also the effect it has had on me as a person. Looking back, it seems clear to me that my new confidence in my own abilities and strength have allowed me to make the best decisions I could have made in a very tough year. The validation? I just got a raise! (And a week later “let go”.)

Spanking your wife affirms your strength and dominance and gives you confidence that helps you in every area of your life.

I know Julia has benefited as well. She started running in the last year, and has kept her commitment through rain, shine, backaches, and family visits. Today, I agreed to implement a new rule: if she misses a day of running, regardless of the reason, I’ll give her 7 swats with her least favorite implement, the wooden paddle. On the surface of it, that sounds pretty caveman-ey on my part. But the truth is that Julia wants it that way, so that having the threat of swats hanging over her head will “help get back into running again” after a break.

Spanking your wife helps her build confidence and character, and motivation to complete tasks.

Sometimes, our dynamic requires that I discipline Julia for breaking one of our rules. Our rules represent the contract on which we’ve developed and based our trust. Violations of that trust cause hurt feelings through unmet expectations. To clear the air, I spank Julia to discipline her. I lecture her during the spanking about how important the rule is, and how I need to be able to trust her to follow the rule. I ask her if she agrees, and we talk if necessary. But by the end of the spanking, the issue is resolved and doesn’t bother us anymore.

Is it somewhat hypocritical for the man to spank the wife for an infraction, and get to skate by blamelessly when he screws the pooch? Yep. You don’t want to be that guy, trust me. Nothing feels worse than the reproach I’ve seen in Julia’s eyes, when I’ve let her down. But I’m the man. There’s nothing I can do except admit when I’m wrong, apologize when it’s necessary, and return to running my household.

Spanking your wife provides her discipline when she breaks the rules and enforces your authority as head of the household.

I’m also fascinated by the evolution of human behavior. Julia and I are currently watching the series Mad Men on Netflix. The first season is set in 1960, and every episode crackles with the tension between men and women. The men are men, and their attitudes are reflected in the jokes they tell: “I got a phone call at the bar saying my wife gave birth, and now I gotta pay for college!” Men pride themselves on being strong, and weaker men are preyed on, even as they fantasize out loud about being more manly themselves.

Fifty years later, it feels like evolution. In many ways, we just don’t think the way we did. Roles between men and women have changed as a result of the feminism movement, which has established the basic truth that women deserve equal rights. ‘Cause they’re, you know, people. Like men. The article that Julia posted sounds funny today, but the guy that said that men would be sorry when they stopped spanking their wives was right: men voluntarily gave up the right to lead their households. My generation wasn’t taught how to have a relationship with a woman, because of the rapid social changes that were going on in the 1970’s. I think men conceded their authority in relationships, and the result has been broken families.

Don’t get me wrong: I don’t think a ttwd/spanking relationship is right for everyone. It requires consent, consistency, trust, and mutual agreement between both parties. But I believe that the taken in hand movement is almost an unconscious human expression of an evolutionary trait that we’re not ready to leave behind.

Spanking your wife could be a human trait that shouldn’t be left behind, at least for people who need and thrive on it.

What do you think about why you should spank your wife? Or as a wife, why you should be spanked? 😉

This article and all associated images within the article have been republished with permission from Julia.

Please visit her website to view the original post and more.

Feature image courtesy of Shutterstock
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March 19, 2015
Why does spanking and corporal punishment turn people on?

For spanking enthusiasts, even the mention of the ‘S’ word can trigger switches in the libido. Spanking fetishes go hand in hand with active imaginations and as an artist, I believe that art is one of the most potent sparks to human imagination. Put art and spanking into the same mix, and pow! It’s an ideal coupling, and spanking/corporal punishment artwork abounds in huge volumes, as even a casual search of Tumblr will demonstrate.

Why is there such a proliferation of spanking and C/P art out there? I suppose the question should really be—what is it about spanking and ritualized corporal punishment that appeals to some people on a sexual level? And I don’t believe that has a simple answer. It is often not a purely masochistic impulse. The pain is essential, since without it, there is no incentive for the anticipatory suspense, the adrenaline rush of fear, or the release of endorphins as a countermeasure. For some, it is the thrill of finding pleasure in acts which are not meant to be pleasurable, a sort of forbidden fruit; for others, it may be a role reversal that helps offset power hierarchies we are forced to deal with in everyday life; for some, it is a release of the inner child; still others just enjoy the jolt that a smack on the buttocks sends through the body’s nervous system directly to the genitalia. (studies have actually been made that prove this to be true).

I am not a psychologist and won’t pretend to sound like one. There are plenty of qualified opinions out there worth more than mine. Yet, in spite of clinical analysis, there remains a strong air of mystery over the appeal of spanking, and the many varied role-playing scenarios that surround it. Mystery itself has an irresistible and universal appeal, and the most enduring mysteries are those which invite exploration, but forever elude exacting, scientific conclusions. Spanking and C/P meet those criteria like a glove.

As an artist, that makes the subject irresistible – not just as an exploration into human sexual psychology, but on a personal level as one with a lifelong fascination for spanking. Illustrating the fantasies that a spanking fetish evokes is both a challenge and a cathartic release. I enjoy attempting to capture a particular moment, or suggest a story with a single image. It might be the husband who came home drunk at 3 am to find his wife waiting with a hairbrush in hand, or a still defiant spankee being sent to fetch a more formidable weapon, or a young lady who planted a Playboy magazine in her brother’s room so she could spy on Mom spanking him for it. To be sincere about art, I think one ought only do what appeals to oneself, and not attempt to cater to the viewer. Those of a similar mindset will respond, and the heck with the rest.

That is why I only illustrate female dominant situations. Male dominant scenarios are far more popular, and I could reach a much broader audience through that approach, but reaching that wide audience is not why I do art. I would rather engage with a smaller, kindred audience. Whether it’s an angry 1950’s housewife, an outraged babysitter, a stern teacher, a professional disciplinarian, or a vixenish girlfriend, those are the iconic female images that never cease to awe, and perpetually wield sovereign power over whatever corner of the male psyche that resists the inevitable progress of ageing. Illustrating boyhood fantasies about womanly laps and deliciously stinging backsides keeps the inner child alive and the imagination active and healthy.

Nobody has ever said it better than Jean-Luc Godard:

“Art attracts us only by what it reveals about our most secret self.”

All images courtesy of RedRump
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March 7, 2015
I am a Top and wired that way

One definition

“The person in control during a scene or in play, but may or may not be a dominant”

Being a top is being part of the world of BDSM, having a fetish, being turned on by certain things that the main stream community or as some say being vanilla, would class as weird or perverted. Logically, I so pose it is a path that has deviated from the mainstream, in other words perverted.

A top is a part of a group classed as dominants. They can be both male and female. Daddy, dom, master, mistress, domme, stone and sadist are all part in varying degrees of the same group. This group is part of another group, but not always if you take the definition strictly, called fetishist—one who gains sexual excitement through a fetish. In extreme cases, one may be unable to attain sexual gratification without the presence of the object (or at least fantasizing about it).

As for me, I am a fetishist for sure, because it does excite me. Although i am quite happy having sex without it, I am also a plain and simple top and as the definition above states that i am not as dominant as others. I have no real desire to be a master or a daddy; I don’t want to own a slave or be in a d/s relationship. But what I do like are ladies with a submissive side. Ladies who like to be spanked and caned and everything in between and that can be in the bedroom or just general play with people who enjoy being punished by others.

But where did it all start, where did the obsession and cravings come from?

As far as i can recollect, it was summer and the start of a new decade; the 1970’s. I was 8 maybe 10 and playing in the garden. The kids next door were older by at least 5 years and although I had no thoughts of girls then, I remember the daughter to be very slim and attractive. There was a bit of an argument going on and as I listened, the girl answered back quite loud to her father. I have no memory of what the argument was about or how long it lasted but one sentence has stayed with me to this day.

“You’re not too old to go over my knee young lady.”

Even now after 40 years, I can remember the words clearly and wondered if that was the catalyst for my long obsession with a certain part of the lovely female form and my own harsh hand. To an extent it was but I now understand that it did not suddenly turn me into a spanker, it has always been in me, it is part of me. However, over the years, i have not hurt anyone (if you understand what I mean) and looking back i have enjoyed every last minute because:

I AM SIMPLY WIRED THAT WAY.

BOB

Feature image courtesy of Shutterstock
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March 6, 2015
50 Shades of Shame

Many of you at this point have read the book or seen the movie 50 Shades of Grey. And many of you have also read the myriad of criticisms about the story’s problematic messages about romantic relationships and BDSM. Many critics are doing a really good job at pointing out why it is really problematic to view or read 50 Shades of Grey not for enjoyment, but as a “how to” guide for BDSM. Some critics are making really important points about the problems behind having heteronormative, white-washed, undeveloped characters and the message that people who are into BDSM always have abusive childhoods or are otherwise “damaged.” But after reading (and agreeing with) these critiques, I am left feeling unsettled by something. It was not clear to me at first what was unsettling, because I support the arguments and I understand the perspectives of the people who have a problem with the story and the messages it sends to viewers. I realized that the unsettled feeling I was having was shame…because I enjoyed parts of the book and the movie.

And when I take a closer look at what is making me feel ashamed, I realize that many of the critiques leave me with the message that if I do read the book or watch the movie and I enjoy it, that means I do not understand what healthy sexuality looks like and I need to question why I am turned on by this particular story. If I found some pleasure in reading about how Christian Grey essentially stalked and emotionally coerced Anastasia Steele into being his submissive then I must be a really horrible person, right? This, I believe is why I feel uncomfortable with some of the reactions to 50 Shades of Grey – especially those written by professionals in the field of sexuality. Because in a field where we often do our best to fight against a power that tries to dictate what is sexy and what is “acceptable” or “immoral,” it feels like we are doing the same thing here. And while I am all about critiquing movies, books, and other pieces of pop culture – especially those where I feel like someone is trying to represent ME and is doing a poor job – I am not about making people feel ashamed for reading or watching something for pleasure.

Critiques where this shaming is present (and it is definitely not in all of the critiques I have read) can lead to discussions about the “danger” of reading or watching something because of how it will influence someone’s behavior. Just this past week a male college student was arrested after sexually assaulting a female student claiming that he was acting out a scene from 50 Shades. So, do we blame the book/movie? If the story had represented a BDSM relationship in an accurate way would this student have acted differently? This is a decades-old debate and one that will likely continue to surface any time someone who commits a crime references a movie, a musician, or a video game in order to account for their behavior. There was an article recently titled “Sex toy injuries rocket after release of Fifty Shades of Grey,” and I thought maybe I am wrong, maybe this book has had a greater impact that I could have imagined. Then I read the subtitle, “Injuries involving sex toys has doubled in the US since 2007, according to new figures, with a particular jump since the release of Fifty Shades of Grey.” Well, I know that the book was released in 2011, so the title is already a bit misleading, right? And then I went on to read further down the page “there is no evidence the two are linked, but the bondage-themed novels have been read by tens of millions of people.” Okay. So there has been some measuring of sex toy injuries and they have increased in the past 7 years or so and maybe there is a connection between some of those injuries and individuals who have read the book. I don’t know about you, but that idea does not fill me with the same sense of panic that the title originally implied. In general, I think this idea that a book or a movie will cause catastrophic damage and dangerous behavior does not give most people enough credit. I hope and actively want people who read or view 50 Shades who have had no previous “exposure” to BDSM and become curious about engaging in kinky behavior will do some research, talk to someone about it, and negotiate safety and consent with their partner. I can promote that (and I do), but ultimately it is not any of my business if they do that or not. And I also think it is possible for someone to read or watch something, be aroused by it, and not want to act it out in real life.

Someone recently asked me how I would talk to a high school student who had read the book or watched the movie. My response was I would tell them that BDSM and other kinks are one way that some adults engage in sexual activity and relationships and while the story or behavior in “50 Shades” might be entertaining or exciting (and that is okay!), in reality I believe that is not what a healthy, consensual relationship looks like. The characters and story are like those in many books and movies – created for entertainment, shock, and dramatic value and NOT as representatives of what makes for a pleasurable and satisfying experience in real life. If BDSM is something they find interesting and they want to learn more about it they should seek out information online from experts in the BDSM community (depending on my role at that point I would either give them names or just encourage them to seek better information in general) and understand that safety and consent are at the core of these practices and should not be tried until all parties involved are capable of establishing both, which is why waiting until you are an adult is a good idea. I explained that these would be my main points apart from asking them if they have any specific questions that they would like answered. I would not discourage them from reading it or watching it and I would tell them it is okay if they enjoyed it.

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March 3, 2015
What Makes a Good Submissive?

There are many types of submissives crawling around out there begging to be dominated. Some of them hold executive positions and some depend on a provider for their income. There are meek submissives, just as there are bold ones. A submissive can come from anyone who strives to be one, however I have noticed some attributes among certain submissives that I admire. Not only have I noticed these characteristics but, more importantly, I see the these people continuously working to better themselves in these areas. Submission can always be improved.

Before I go into the attributes, I must say that for submissives to be their best at submitting, they must be in optimal conditions. If they are not in the right kind of relationship (e.g. an abusive relationship) or if they haven’t found someone they want to better themselves for, they will not flourish. It doesn’t mean that they aren’t good at being submissive, it just means they need to keep searching for a partner(s) that better fits them.

First and most importantly, they communicate. It important to share fantasies and desires, wants and needs, and even something as simple as what kind of day they had, but it is dire to share concerns, when feelings have been hurt, and uncomfortable parts of their past—just to name a few. If one cannot communicate they will find themselves walking down a dark and lonely road, which does not make for a good submissive.

I feel like while being honest and trustworthy ties in with communication, they deserve a separate mention. If a dominant can’t trust what their submissive is saying, or can’t trust that they are saying all that needs to be said, the relationship has no ground to stand on. No if’s, and’s, or but’s, the relationship will not work if there is no trust and honesty. Please note that if trust has been broken it can be repaired, though it does take time.

Patience, a need to please, and flexibility (no, not physically flexible … though that could come in handy) also plays a big role in a submissive’s life. Personally, I do not feel that one is submitting if they are getting their way all the time, or if they only do things that please themselves. For instance, there might come a time when they don’t want to put a plug in their butts, or they might find they want to kick their dominant for telling them to do the dishes at the most inconvenient time, or at some point the submissives might be told they have to wait for something they want right now (none of which has happened to me—ahem—I don’t know why you were thinking of that), but when that person does whatever it is they don’t want to do (without kicking!), because it will please their partner, that is when they are exercising submission. Of course there are exceptions to this, even when the submissive wants to bend or wait, it’s not always possible, in which case that should be respected and not frowned upon.

Not only do submissives need to be forgiving of their dominant, they need to be able to forgive themselves as well. No one is perfect and we all make mistakes. Sometimes forgiving doesn’t come easily, but to be at our best it must be done.

Finally, I feel that a submissive is also strong. It can get complicated conforming to another, and it doesn’t always leave a warm and fuzzy feeling. This style of relationship isn’t easy—it takes a lot of work and a lot of time and even though the rewards are magical, it takes a strong person to keep at it.

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March 2, 2015
The life of a submissive wife

So … my life. Well … today …

I made breakfast for my kids, drove them to school, stopped to sign one up for soccer, stopped at the ophthalmologist to pick up contacts, went to the hardware store to get paint, came home and painted my child’s room. A friend brought lunch over to my home and we chatted and then I went back to painting. I picked up my kids from school, made dinner, took a shower, drove to a child’s activity, and got the kids to sleep. It’s now 11:30pm and I am relaxing and typing this.

Oh but wait, this was about the life of a submissive wife. Well … ya, that’s my life … and I am a wife and I am submissive. Note, the above day—today—didn’t include noted interactions with my dominant husband. Well, he’s traveling for work today so my interactions were texts and a couple phone calls.

So for me, the differentiation between my life now, as a submissive wife—not just a wife and three years ago when I was a wife who was a switch (for those that don’t know that term, it means that we switched dom and sub roles back and forth) with her husband of over two decades is almost imperceptible to the outsider, but meaningful to us. I typically wake up before my husband and stroke and suck him as a wake-up call. As he finishes dressing to go to work, I slide out of bed, sit naked on the ground at his feet and put on his shoes and socks. I typically call him Sir, though sometimes not in public. He will tug my hair or grasp it tightly if he is choosing to be inconspicuous. He has no qualms about swatting my bum as I pass by or if I’m getting out of line.

Last Wednesday, Sir came home to a very UNsubmissive wife. He walked in the door and I was frustrated with the kids, with the dog, with him … frustrated. Sadly, that meant that I was sassy and disrespectful the moment he walked in the door. It took all of about four minutes and he looked at me … with a hardened look in his eyes, he took a firm hold of my upper arm and marched me to our room. He calmly shut and locked our bedroom door before taking me over to our bed and lying me over the side of our bed. When I tried to stand back up, he firmly put a hand on the small of my back and commanded me to “Stay here, Fiona and silence yourself, NOW.” He had THAT tone in his voice and immediately spanked me, HARD, rapidly and all in ONE spot. He does that when he wants to make a point. It hurts and is in no way erotic in nature. He spanked me until my body responded and I no longer fought him …somehow he knows when my mind is better, when I’ve been able to let go, when I’m repentant, and when I’m settled. When he’s done, he requires a proper apology and acknowledgement of what was wrong, and he forgives and we move forward.

What isn’t seen by others is that in private, I will frequently call him Sir or Master. As long as he is home, there are spankings frequently, at least once a day but frequently more and many with a crop or cane, not just his hand. There are sometimes choices in my clothing that he will dictate—i.e. “Wear no underwear today, or wear your cupless bra today, or wear this outfit today, etc. I must ask for permission to masturbate and to cum. He will frequently lift my shirt and play with my nipples or otherwise fondle my body. If I’m out of line and disrespectful, he will correct my behavior immediately. We have a very active sex life and it frequently involves toys, be them the new spreader bars He recently made as a gift for me, or a crop or flogger or nipple clamps or dildo or … I sleep naked with him and there are frequent fondles in the night.

Through ‘Ds’, we have strengthened our bond. We had a good, strong marriage before, but in the three and a half years we have changed to having consistent D(Sir) and s (me) roles, from switching, we improved our communication, we are sexually more active, more creative, and more satisfied than we ever have been. He is so much more in tune with me, my needs and desires and I am much more in tune with his.

To the outside world, we simply look like any other normal, straight-laced couple. No one would ever believe that we are a Ds couple. I am a strong, independent, smart, mother and wife. I also happen to offer up my power and my body to my husband, my Sir, my dom, my Master.

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February 26, 2015